Mad Dash
by chezchuckles
Summary: Dash Series Epic #3 - read Dash Away and Dash It All first. COMPLETE at 100.
1. Chapter 1

**Mad Dash**

* * *

**A/N: **Ya'll wanna do this again? I promise to be more diligent about the 'in the floor's, but I can't guarantee that after 100 more chapters, you won't find them.

* * *

When Kate comes around the corner in the vestibule of the church, she stops dead at the sight of Allie in her dress. Her breath catches and she hurries to the young woman, wrapping her in a hug.

Alexis laughs and hugs her back. "I'm so nervous."

"You'll be fine."

"You're not the one who has to stand there in front of everyone," Allie sighs.

"Don't worry." Kate laughs and pulls back to brush the wave of red hair off the girl's shoulders. "No one will be looking at you."

Allie's face scrunches together, eyebrows knitting. "Yeah, but I'm in charge of all the grandkids up there, and I'm not really a grandkid and it's such a huge honor, Kate-"

"Stop. You are a grandkid," Kate interrupts, squeezing the woman's shoulder. "And think of it like good practice for your wedding."

Allie makes a face. "That's not exactly helping my nerves."

Kate grins at her even though her own stomach is churning. She has to walk her father down the aisle and give him away. "You'll do fine. The kids are all old enough. Ella's the youngest, and you know she'll do what you say."

"I'm not worried about Ellery. It's Dash that I _know_ is gonna do something. Entirely on accident, but he'll steal the show."

Kate winces. "Yeah. Good point. I'll be on the lookout for him."

"But he's got the rings, Kate. It's not like you can grab him."

Kate rolls her eyes. "I'll do what I can. We'll figure it out. Don't worry. Kelly's grandsons could probably corral him too. Dash kinda adores them. It'll be fine. No matter what happens."

"Yeah," Allie sighs. "Ignore me. I'm just - I just can't believe your Dad wants me to-"

Kate takes a fierce hug from the girl, trying to squeeze that thought out of her. "You're mine, so you're his too, Allie. Has Papa ever treated you differently?"

"No," Allie whispers back, her arms tightening around Kate. "No. I just - sometimes it's hard to fight my own issues."

"Don't I know it," Kate laughs. "We all want you in this wedding. No one questions your place or your right to be here, Allie. You are my family. Don't forget that, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Stepping back, Kate squeezes her hands and lets her go. "Okay. Now I gotta track down your dad and Dash. I'm supposed to give them the rings. And I have no idea where Ellery is."

"I think the guys were over on the groom's side," Allie gestures behind her. "And I've got Ellery. So don't worry about her. You just focus on your Da - on Papa."

Kate grins back at her, thankful Allie can accept it, her place in this family - not just as Dash and Ella's older half-sister or Kate's adopted daughter, but as an integral piece of their puzzle.

"You look beautiful. And don't let your Dad see you until the ceremony because he'd probably get choked up."

Allie laughs out loud, a hand over her mouth, her eyes sparkling. Kate grins back, glad she could make the girl laugh, make her forget her anxiety for just a moment.

"Good idea. Rafe's over there with them and I think that might be reminder enough."

Kate gives her one last hug and then heads down the hallway towards the groom's side, her insides fluttering like the skirt of her dress, the rings on her own finger to keep them safe. And because her own hands are bare, because Kate's is on Allie's finger now as an engagement ring, the weight of Kelly's bands feels strange.

She hears Dashiell before she sees him, comes around the corner and finds her son doing a handstand against the side doors of the sanctuary. She steps up, yanks his feet down with a growl.

"You're scuffing up the wall with your shoes. Where's your father?"

"Dad's taking one of the little kid's to the bathroom."

Oh, that would have to be Mark? Mike? He's four. "Why can't he go to the bathroom by himself?"

Dash shrugs and rolls his shoulders in the suit jacket. "Momma, it's itchy."

She sighs and slides her fingers under his collar, moving aside the tag to soothe his skin. She feels him relax, then his whole body cants towards her, his face against her thigh. She glances down at the dress, but he's not staining it, just wrinkling it a little. No big deal.

She strokes along his thin shoulders, up his spine, scratches his scalp, then back down, distracting him. "How's that?"

"Better."

"Okay, I've got the rings you're supposed to carry, but Daddy must have the little basket thing." And she doesn't have a whole lot of time to get back to her father and lead him down the aisle. It's so messed up. She put up a fight, told him that only the bride is supposed to do that, but he and Kelly wanted their families to give them away to each other.

Kinda sweet, sure, but she's already dealing with so many issues, she's not sure she can make it through the ceremony without crying.

"Mom?"

"Daddy's gonna make me late. All right, come with me."

Dashiell follows along at her side as she heads for the men's bathroom, intent on getting Castle out of there.

* * *

"What are you doing?" he yelps, instinctively blocking the poor kid from the line of sight of the open bathroom door.

Kate rolls her eyes at him, fingers reaching out. "I need that basket pillow thing."

What? Castle is trying to help a kid - an anxious kid - go to the bathroom here and what is she doing in the men's room?

"Castle. Come on. I don't have much time." She snaps her fingers at him, and he lifts both eyebrows and stares her down.

Dashiell comes around from behind her. "Dad, gotta put the rings on those loops and tie them up. 'Member?"

Kate wriggles her fingers at him and he sees the flash of the rings that aren't her own, reminding him once again of how bare her hand has been these last few months. He tried getting her a new wedding ring at Christmas, but it was busy and she didn't have time to stop, look at online catalogs with him. And there's no way he's getting something without her approval.

"Rick," she says, exasperation lacing her voice. "The rings."

"Right, right," he mutters and nods to the bathroom counter where he left the thing. If Dash had kept the basket, it'd be lost by now. "Mikey's just finishing up, right my man?"

"I am not your man," Mikey says, but his voice wavers. Poor kid. Totally gunshy. Not even turning on the faucet is helping.

Kate presses her lips together, a smirk flirting on the edges as she shakes her head at him. "Sorry."

"For snapping your fingers at me?" he says, watching her lace the rings through the ribbons at the bottom of the basket. It's like a ring bearer pillow and basket in one, and it's a little bit over the top, but he's gotten the feeling Kelly is like that.

All the grandchildren are their bridesmaids and groomsmen; they're going to stand up at the front in a line. He's not sure Dashiell is going to make it through the whole ceremony. Kate's giving her father away while Kelly's two kids do the same on the other side, and to be honest, Castle isn't sure that _Kate_ is going to make it through the whole ceremony.

"Snapping my - no," she huffs. "Not sorry one bit about that. Sorry you got restroom duty. That one okay?"

"Having some trouble. Little bit nervous."

"Can I please just have some privacy?" Mikey says hotly.

Kate laughs, claps her hand over her mouth as Mikey glares at her, her eyes meeting Rick's. "Come on, Castle. Let's give the man some privacy. Dash?"

"You got my basket?"

"Rings are tied. Back outside." She herds him towards the bathroom door and Rick follows them out, not sure he really should leave the kid. His father mentioned something about terrible aim. . .

"Maybe I should-"

"He's fine. Who can go to the bathroom when people are crowding around watching?" Kate laughs, fingers still working at the basket. She hands it over to Dashiell, hooks her finger in his collar at his grey tie. "Hey, guess what, Dash?"

"What?" he answers, distracted by the basket and apparently trying to figure out how to hold it just right.

"Your second wedding, huh?"

Dash grins up at her, eyes lighting. "Yeah. I'm a best man again!"

Castle laughs and ruffles his hair. "Not quite. No best man in this wedding."

Kate's leaning in over their son, kissing his cheek even as Dashiell squirms away, making a face. She laughs and rubs her thumb over the lipstick marks left on his skin. "Don't worry, baby. You'll always be my best man."

Castle clears his throat, looks at her pointedly, waiting for her to glance back at him. She grins when she sees him pouting, straightens up to step in close, her arms sliding around his neck.

He hums his pleasure when she kisses him, draws his hands up her back, fingers dancing over the exposed line of skin along her spine. Her mouth moves to his ear, hovering there as her body presses lightly into his.

"Castle," she murmurs, her voice doing all kinds of things to him that it really shouldn't. Not in a church. Not right before her father's wedding.

"Kate," he says back, his voice rasping over the syllable, unable to help himself.

"Tonight," she answers, a question he didn't even ask, but she knew anyway. Always does. It's probably the tux; she can't keep her hands to herself when he wears a tux. Like after their own wedding out on the lake.

"And then a ring," he says suddenly, gripping her by the wrist to hold her there for a moment longer. He tries to put some force into his gaze because he wants her wearing his ring again, needs it. As stupid and backwards as it is, she's his wife, his, and he wants her wearing his ring. Yesterday.

She skates her fingers down his jaw and then leans in to kiss him lightly. "We'll see, baby."

She steps away, heading back down the hallway towards the girls' side. And he's left wondering if she meant that as a term of endearment or as in _big baby_. For whining about the ring again. Hard to tell these days; it's almost like she likes saying it, calling him that.

The bathroom door creaks open slowly, Mikey barely slips out before the door crashes back.

"I'm done." And then Mikey is heading off a brisk trot.

"I hope he washed his hands." Castle sighs and collars his son. "Come on, kiddo."

"Hey, Dad. Does this look right?"

Castle glances down at the basket. And no, no it doesn't. How in the world did Dashiell already get it so tangled?


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe because she isn't expecting it from Ella, or maybe it's just time, but the moment the pastor has given his blessing and pronounced them married, Ellery breaks free of the line and runs - _dashes_ - for her preschool teacher and throws her arms around Kelly.

And Kate loses it.

Her heart aches, and it's a good kind, yes, but it's mixed up with shame and guilt and abandonment, and she fumbles at her side for Rick's hand but he's already half-risen to see if he needs to grab Ellery.

Instead, Kate's father waves him off while Kelly picks up Ella, adopted grandchild now, and hugs her tightly, a kiss on her forehead that makes Kate's chest squeeze like a fist. She can't breathe.

The tears pour out of her, but she bites her tongue, hard, tasting blood, to keep from sobbing, to keep it under control, and when Rick turns back to reclaim his seat, his face is thunderstruck by the look on hers.

Yeah, it's not good then. No matter what she tells herself, she is not okay with this. Not completely. Even though she wants to be.

"Beckett," he warns her, and oh, thank you, because if he was nice about it, and tender like he usually always is, she'd break apart. She really would. And it wouldn't be pretty.

She snags his hand, knows she's crushing his fingers, grinding his bones together, but she can't let up, can't do it. Can't-

"You need to breathe."

She nods and sucks one down, but it sounds strange, it feels strange and she has to hold her breath again to battle back the ball of thick tears in her chest.

"Dashiell is looking over here. Kate. You need to stop this right now."

Yeah, yeah. Stop. She needs to stop.

Suddenly his hand is on her shoulder, squeezing too tight, the one around her fingers is crushing back, and it breaks the bubble of her grief brightly, showering her with flickering pain and damp relief, her eyes blinking at the suddenly dried up tears, her breath stuttering back to life.

He smooths his other hand over hers where his nails bit into her skin, massaging the joints of her knuckles where he practically pulverized her hand, uses his palm to heat the place at her shoulder were he probably bruised her, and she sways, but remains standing, the moment broken up into pieces she can bear.

She turns her head, her eyes following the procession down the aisle, all the grandkids following after. When she's certain that Dashiell is out the door and on his way, hand in Allie's, for the reception, she turns and throws herself at Castle, letting his arms come around her like a shield.

"I thought you were okay with this."

"I am," she moans, sucking in another breath and trying to keep it together. "Hug me harder."

He gives a little laugh at that. "You sound like Dash."

"I know, but it works. Squeeze."

He does, his arms so tight, good, hard around her that it holds everything together for a long enough moment to bury it again.

"Thank you," she murmurs, leaving a kiss on his cheek, her eyes opening as she pulls back. "My mascara-"

"Looks fine. A little thick, but fine, Kate." He swipes his thumb under her eye, but it comes away clean, and she gives him a stronger smile.

"I am okay with this. I am. Really. I just had a moment."

"Struck you," he says quietly. "How?"

She nods, hangs back with him in the front row of the church while they let the other guests exit. "That she'll never be here again. Like maybe this whole time I was waiting for her, and if we left a place for her to just - come and sit, be with us? - then maybe she would some day. But that place is gone."

"Kate," he sighs, his shoulders slumping.

"I know that won't happen. I'm okay. I am."

He looks like he faintly believes her, and she's grateful for that because it means she can believe it too. Even if it doesn't feel very true.

"Come on. Reception time." He takes her hand again, gentle this time, and the gentleness is good, it's sweet, but it's breaking her up again.

"Don't be nice to me," she mutters, lifting her eyes to the ceiling.

He laughs softly at that, at her back now and nudging her towards the aisle. "Don't be nice? You're asking for it."

"Oh damn, that's gonna come back to bite me, isn't it?" she says, startled to hear the laughter in her voice, weak and breathless but there.

"I'd rather just joke you out of it. I'm already mean enough on accident," he back.

And that does it too, she flashes him a grateful smile, because yeah, he was mean just yesterday, and she was mean back, and it was stupid, and they didn't say anything about it because it's just easier to let it go.

But he remembers.

She gets in line behind a few of Kelly's relatives, heading for the double doors at the back. "So tell me a funny story."

"I'm fresh out."

She frowns at him. "Epic fail, Castle. What else am I keeping you around for?"

"I thought it was the hot sex?"

She barks out a laugh and stumbles in her shoes; he catches her with a wicked grin, looking so pleased, and she gives it to him.

"Point for Rick," she murmurs, arching her neck to give him a soft kiss. "Thank you."

"Always."

* * *

"So, my sweet, quiet baby girl was the big distraction this time, huh?" Kate leans over and takes Ellery from her older sister, snuggling the little girl close as they stand in the line for the buffet. "Wanted Ms Kelly all to yourself?"

"Mom, what is Ms Kelly now? Like my grandma?" Dash interrupts, reaching up to tug on Ella's foot with a grin on his face. "I mean, Mikey calls her Grammy. And that's an okay name I guess."

Castle collars Dash with a hand on his head, pushes him forward in line. He runs into the back of Rafe's legs, but the man catches Dash and keeps him upright. Allie turns around and gives Kate an anxious look. "And what am _I_ supposed to call her?"

"You should ask her," Kate says softly, the weight of her daughter in her arms doing wonders for keeping her firmly on the earth, grounded. "Actually, Dash and Ellery, you two should ask her as well. She'll help you come up with something you all will like."

"When I at school?" Ella asks, a frown appearing on her face.

"Call her Ms Kelly at school, since she's your teacher now," Castle answers her.

"Hey Mom, is my dog okay?"

Kate catches Rick's look and rolls her eyes. "Yes, Dash. Rex is fine. He's shut up in the loft all day while you're at school anyway. No different."

"But now it's been all of school and all of this too."

"I promise Rex is fine."

"Hey, my man," Castle interrupts. "If you get anxious about it, then we can call Frank, our door man, and ask him to go in and check on Rex."

Dashiell's shoulders slump. "Yeah, that - yeah."

"But you have to be pretty anxious, kiddo. Like, say. . ." Castle glances over at Kate, looking for help.

Kate slides forward in line, stepping up behind Allie who is talking with Kelly's daughter. Kate turns back to Dash and studies him for a moment, trying to gauge just how much the kid might need this.

"How about, if you're as anxious as when it's about to storm. Dark, and the wind blowing, and the smell of lightning."

Dash studies her too, thinking it over, then he nods. "Got it. If I'm almost stormy, then I can call Frank."

"Sound like a good deal?" Castle holds his hand out and Dash shakes; Kate's lips twitch at the solemn look on the boy's face.

"Deal," Dash says.

"Okay, good. I am starving. How about you, cricket?"

"Starving," Ellery repeats, giving Kate a slow and wide grin, her blue eyes so bright against the pale moon of her face and the dark wings of her hair. It's gotten long, curling a little at her shoulders. "I have hot dog?"

Kate laughs and kisses one of those apple cheeks. "Sorry, I don't think they have those. But we'll find you something to eat."

"Momma, did you bring my hot sauce?" Dash says, sliding up next to her, his head bumping her thigh.

"Daddy's got it. You see pockets in my dress?"

Dashiell startles back, gives her the once-over, then giggles, glancing over to his father. "Nope. That's funny. There aren't pockets on any dresses."

"Exactly." Kate nudges at his temple with the knuckle of her finger; he ducks and grabs Castle's hand, pulling him up in line.

"But the dress is nice," Dash says, glancing over his shoulder at her again. "You look pretty in it."

Oh, even if Castle _did_ put him up to it, that was sweet. Kate clutches Ellery tighter and leans forward to kiss Dash on the cheek before he can squirm away. "Thank you, baby. And you look very handsome. You and Daddy both."

"And me?" Ella says, patting her chest.

Kate straightens up, hugs the girl tighter. "You look beautiful, _ljubavi moja mala_."

Ellery beams back at her, her arms coming around Kate's neck for a hug.

"_Hvala_, Mommy."

Oh. Oh that's so amazing, hearing her mother's family's language from her daughter. "You're welcome, sweetheart."

* * *

"Tell me I'm stupid," she mutters.

Castle sighs and tugs her a little closer as they dance, his palm flat against the warm skin at her back. "You're not stupid, Kate. It's okay to miss your mom."

When his lips skim her cheek, she turns into him to make it a kiss; he obliges and laces their fingers together, draws her hand to his chest until she looks at him again.

"I do like Kelly," she says softly. "She's great for my dad. She has done so much for him, and she loves my kids, and-"

She breaks off and falls into silence, and he knows. He gets it. "Just because you like Kelly, just because you love Kelly, doesn't mean you can't still grieve for your mother."

Kate nods, cheek sliding against his, then lets out a little sigh. "Where are the kids?"

"Rafe's got Ellery out here - see her?" He spins her halfway and nods towards the middle of the dance floor. Ellery's giggling like mad as she steps on Rafe's shoes to dance; her face shining up at him.

"Oh, what is it about the Castle girls?" Kate laughs. "Falling for Rafe."

"Better not be all of the Castle girls," he mutters, but he's smiling into her hair.

"Mm, don't know that I can agree. He's pretty amazing."

He huffs and steals a kiss from her lips, drawing her attention his way. She cuts her eyes back to him with a slow grin.

He finally spots Dashiell over her shoulder, dancing with a couple of the other kids, pretty good moves too. "Ha. Look at Dash."

She twists around in his arms and breaks out into a laugh, then turns back to Rick, leaning in to kiss his chin. "Okay, so he's got your genes, that's for sure. No doubt."

"Hey, what does that mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. You two just dance the same."

"He's doing well," Castle frowns. "He looks good. He likes to dance."

"He does," Kate hums, still smiling that beautifully warm smile that makes any and every conversation he has with her suddenly so significant and yet not important at all. She could be arguing for anything, and he'd give it to her.

"I think you're making fun of me somehow, but I can't be bothered to figure out how," he says finally, resisting the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

"No, it's a compliment," she says, eyes wide, too innocent. "Both my guys look good."

"Uh-huh. Right."

She slides her hand out from under his and curls her fingers in his hair, smoothing rhythmically. Her eyes are still so tender, her mouth smirking but gentle. She loves him, oh, look at how she loves him. Sometimes it knocks the wind out of him, at the most mundane times.

"Remember our wedding?" he says suddenly. "Dashiell babbled the whole way through, then got really loud by the end of it."

"Javier passed him up the row and you had to hold him the rest of the ceremony," Kate grins, her thumb now skirting the edge of his ear. "He was pretty much the center of attention."

"Do you remember when we danced?" he says softly, realizing that it's been four years and it's no time at all, none, but it's felt like his whole life, all of his life, no one but Kate.

"You grabbed me and we sneaked out of the reception and danced out on the dock. Under the stars." She gives a little sighing laugh, shakes her head at him. "You are a sappy, romantic man, Rick Castle."

He grins. "Yeah. You knew that going in."

She crowds in close and brushes a kiss along his jaw, soft and delicate, not trying to start something, just claiming him. He loves it when she does that, when she just dwells in the moment with him.

"You know your Dad practically put together the whole thing. He was the one who made it work," he says softly. "I'd call him and tell him what we'd need, and he'd make sure to get it done."

"I didn't know that," she says softly, lifting her eyes to him.

"It was kinda our thing," he explains with a shrug. "Not that I didn't want to bother you, but - you and Dash were so in tune and locked into each other, and on top of that he was always sleepless and crying and - it was - kind of intimidating and amazing. But anyway, your Dad was the one who figured out how to make the reception outside work. He was the one who suggested the book of notes we got-"

"Oh, I thought that was Allie," Kate says, her mouth dropping open.

"Yeah, Alexis took it over, manned the table at the reception and encouraged people to write stuff down in the book, but it was your dad's idea."

She smirks suddenly, gives a sharp laugh. "You know half of those notes from our friends gave the same advice? Don't go to bed mad."

He laughs back, stroking his palm up her spine just to feel the ripple of her skin as she reacts to him. "Uh-huh, well, I think that's because they know us."

"They do. Have we managed to keep that rule? I can't remember."

He casts back but he has no idea. "I can't remember either. I'm sure we've broken it. We've broken most of the rules."

"Works best with us though," she shrugs, then smiles at him again. Secret, lovely smile. "I like us."

He laughs. "I like us too, babe."

She draws both arms around his neck and comes in close to him again, her mouth at his ear. "We made a good family, Rick. Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how stubborn I get."

He squeezes her back, a little tighter, his lips finding her cheek for a hovering kiss. "Well, you haven't given up on me either, no matter how stupid I've been. So we're even that way."

She suddenly laughs and pulls back, gesturing somewhere past his shoulder. "Now look at your kids."

He turns and sees his oldest daughter doing an awkward slow dance with Dashiell, movements exaggerated, while Ellery hops around them, tile to tile. Rafe, the patient man, is following along behind her, holding her hand so she can swing from his grip.

"Did you say we made a _good_ family?" he says with a laugh, turning his eyes back to Kate. "I think we made a crazy family."

"They get it from you, obviously," she shoots back, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Sure. I'll claim them. Anytime. Because those are good kids. I don't know how it happened, but we got good kids, Kate."

Her teasing smile transforms into genuine and beautiful joy. He's so glad to see it, that the shadow that's been over her all day has finally lifted.

Her mouth finds his for a brief kiss. "We have extraordinary kids, and somehow, Rick, I really do think it's because of you."

He cradles her jaw. "And you, love. None of this works without you."


	3. Chapter 3

He's a good man. Such a good man. And she's not sure if she deserves him, but then again, sometimes he says the same thing about her. They'll just never let each other go, and that works.

With her heart full, she slides her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck as he drives them home. Her arm rests on his seat and she watches him, catches the smile he absent-mindedly tosses her way, then she glances back to her kids.

Dashiell is watching his portable DVD player, headphones on, his face limned blue in the darkness. It's so late, and of course Ellery is sacked out in her car seat, her face mashed against the side, but Dash is overstimulated and will have trouble going down tonight. And there's preschool in the morning-

Oh, and darn. "Castle. Ella's poster. For preschool tomorrow."

"Oh shoot," he mutters. "Did we even pick up any poster board?"

"Yeah, I got some couple days ago, but we forgot to look through our photos for family pictures."

"Okay, well. Uh, we'll have to do that tonight. It might look bad if the teacher's grandkid thinks she can get away with not doing her homework."

"She's exhausted. She won't wake up for that," Kate sighs, turning a little to see Ellery in the darkness, watching the city lights play over her daughter's face.

"We can do it for her. No problem. It's just preschool."

Kate rolls her eyes at him, squeezes the back of his neck. "Yeah, guess so."

Castle pulls into the drive for their underground garage and rolls down the window. The gust of cold air brings goosebumps on her skin even as he swipes the keycard and the garage goes up. He thumbs up the window as he rolls forward, their car sliding into the darkness.

"It's freezing out there," she mutters. "Hey, can you carry Ella upstairs?"

"Yeah. And don't forget that bag of stuff in the back."

"Hm, yeah. Where'd you put it?"

"At Ella's feet."

Castle parks their car and shuts off the engine; Kate gets out, shivering in just the dress and his suit jacket. She switches sides with him so he can get Ella while she hurries Dash out.

"Come on, kiddo. Time to go."

Dashiell slides his player into the back of the driver's seat, drops his headphones in the floor as he unbuckles.

"Pick 'em up."

"Let me do this first," Dash whines.

"Just a reminder," she says carefully, waiting until he's slid out of the booster seat and down in the floor. "And will you get that bag for me, baby? Right there. Yeah. Thanks."

She takes it from him, slings it over her shoulder as Dashiell grabs his headphones. They just had to buy him new ones for Christmas - he got sand or salt water in his old ones while they were at the beach.

She and Dash follow Castle to the elevators; she waits a moment, but when he doesn't do it, Kate calls out to him. "Daddy. Lock the doors?"

Castle grunts and fishes around in his pocket for the keys, trying not to jostle Ellery. "Uh, can you get my keys, babe?"

She comes up behind him, kisses Ella's sleepy cheek as the girl squirms into her father. "Which pocket?"

"Right."

Kate slides her hand around Ellery's leg and into Rick's pocket, gets a finger on the key ring and pulls them out. She clicks the button until the horn goes off, then keeps the keys in her hand.

"Thanks," he says, reaching out to push the elevator button. "Dash, buddy, keep up."

Dashiell hustles a little, but his feet are dragging. The cord of his headphones is trailing behind him like a leash.

Instead of scolding him, Kate turns back and scoops it up, taking the headphones from him and wrapping the cord around the earpieces. "Okay, kid. You need a ride?"

"Yeah, Momma. But can Dad do it? I need some squeezes."

Kate glances to Castle; he's already shifting Ellery over to her. She takes her daughter, struggling to heft the girl in her arms even as Castle leans over and scoops Dash up.

"How's this, my man?" Castle steps into the elevator and holds the doors for her as she and Ellery go past.

"Good, good squeeze." His words grunt out as Castle embraces him.

"You gonna be able to fall asleep tonight?"

"It's so hard," Dash whines, pressing his face into Castle's shoulder. Kate adjusts the headphones to her other hand, presses Ella to the wall so she can rub Dashiell's back, tuck her fingers into his collar to soothe the irritated patch of skin.

He rolls his shoulders and turns his face to look at her, his cheek at his father's shirt. "Momma."

"Yeah, baby."

"Can you sit with me while I try to fall asleep?"

"Want me and Daddy to tell you stories instead? I think you'll fall asleep faster."

"Yeah," he sighs.

"Okay. We'll do that. How about it Ellery?"

Kate glances down, but the girl's eyes are shut again. She smiles and kisses Ella's forehead.

"Kate, the poster?"

"Ah yeah. Okay. Dash, we'll have to all help Ellery make her family portrait poster tonight. First. Okay?"

"Okay. I can do that. I did mine real good."

"You did. Very well," Castle says. Kate gives him a shake of her head at his grammar policing, leans over the short distance to kiss her husband's cheek.

"Okay, guys, here's our floor. Let's get this poster knocked out."

* * *

Rick sees Kate yawn, hiding it behind her hand, then she catches Dashiell watching her. She winks at him and the boy slides into her lap, both of them sitting on the floor of the living room as Castle glues down the last of the pictures.

He smirks at her and she actually sticks her tongue out at him, causing Dash to giggle. Ellery hangs on Castle's neck, on her toes as she surveys her poster, dancing around him. She's definitely awake now.

"I born and I have a brother," she says, pointing at the picture of her in Dash's lap at the hospital. "Here you, Daddy."

"There I am. Sitting with you and Mommy and Dash." Castle knuckles into the rug on his fist to keep Ella from knocking him over.

"And him's the dog."

"Ella, use your big girl words, not the baby talk. And yes. Rex is here too."

At his name, the dog sweeps his tail side to side and lifts his head from the floor under the coffee table. Dashiell climbs out of Kate's lap and slinks under there with him, the two of them hanging out in relative darkness.

Ellery swings on her father's neck and Castle catches her, keeping her from getting a foot on the poster board. Kate hand-lettered all their names under the pictures, wrote Ellery Kate Castle at the top, drew the connections between the photos with a little flourish of her marker. Looks cute, like a pictorial family tree. Pretty much the same way they did Dashiell's poster when he was in this class. His poster still hangs in his room on the back of his door.

Ella untangles herself from Castle and drops to her knees next to the poster. "Mine teacher love it."

"She will love it. When she gets back, right, cricket?" Kate leans over and strokes her hand down Ellery's hair, drawing it away from her face. "You know Ms Kelly is with Papa on vacation until next week, right?"

Castle sits back to watch Ellery as she processes this, then he sees her little nod, fierce and agreeable.

"Here's my Papa," she says, pointing to the picture of Jim and Kelly outside the Old Haunt. "And my - my - Ms Kelly?"

"We'll figure out what to call her," Castle says. They never did get around to asking tonight, and he meant to do that, but he got distracted by Kate.

"You want to call her Ms Kelly for now, you can do that, sweetheart." Kate leans against the coffee table, her hand reaching under it to mess with Dashiell. A tired giggle issues from the shadows. "Who else is in your family?"

"My Gram," Ella says brightly, her finger tracing Rick's mother's photo. "My Allie. Look, Allie and Rafe. Them are here."

The photo is from the beach, the two of them in the sun and wearing their sunglasses. It's one of Kate's favorites, he thinks, because she seemed so reluctant to give it up for the poster. He needs to remember that, get the digital copy blown up and framed.

"Yup, your sister and - her - boyfriend," Castle says, then wonders what exactly the kids will call Rafe. Just Rafe, he supposes. Uncle Rafe isn't right at all, and that would be weird. He's their - will be - their brother in law and that is just. . .bizarre. Huh, well, Rafe it is.

"So, how's it look then, cricket? You good?"

Ellery tilts her head and studies the poster, her fingers trailing along the photos. Kate's eyes are drooping, her head in her hand as she leans against the coffee table. Castle would bet that Dash has fallen asleep under the table with his dog too.

"No," Ella says suddenly.

Castle glances at her, sees Kate jerking upright out of the corner of his eye.

"What's wrong with it, baby girl?" Kate scoots in closer and Castle rakes his eyes over the poster.

"I need - what about my Mommom?" Ellery says, turning a troubled face to Kate.

Oh. Wow. That leaves _him_ a little breathless; can't imagine what that did to Kate. Castle tries catching his wife's eye, but she's staring down at Ellery, her hand pressed against her chest.

"Good idea, Ella," he says in her stead, lifting his hand to curl at Ellery's neck and turn her head towards him. "Let's go look for a picture of your Mom's Mom. Your Mommom."

"She in heaven." Ellery speaks up and climbs into his arms easily, but she's not oblivious to what the request has done to her mother. Her little eyes dart back to Kate and then she leans out of Castle's embrace, watching. Kate gets up though, follows them into the study. And she's the one who pulls out her family's last complete photo album.

"Dash asleep?" he murmurs at her.

She nods and they all sit on the couch in his office, Ellery squished between him and Kate, the album spread over their knees. Some of these he's seen before - for her mom's case - and it's strange to look at them now, the ice skating, the opening Christmas presents, knowing that they're looking now just for family. For good memories and not for clues.

Not anymore.

"When you see a picture of my mom that you like, Ella, you tell me and we'll get it out for you."

"I can scan it, Kate," he says gently, sliding his hand to her knee and squeezing.

She gives him a short shake of her head, and she does look okay. They start paging through the album, all pictures from when Kate was a senior in high school and then the first semester of college, family shots for some of them, but most of Kate herself.

"This my mommy?" Ellery says, stopping them to put her finger on a picture. "What you doin', Mommy?"

Kate laughs. "Um, that's a dance me and my friend Madison were trying to teach my Mom."

Castle grins. "Oh yeah? What dance, Mommy?"

She glares at him. "The Macarena," she sighs.

He laughs out loud at that, studies the photo of Kate and Madison with their hands on their hips and caught mid-swivel. Her mother is at the far end of the shot, laughing at them, wearing a business skirt and a white silk shell, no shoes. It's amazing how much Kate looks like her, and when he's least expecting it, when he sees the random photograph that's managed to capture the laughter and the light.

All of the photos Castle has seen of her mother have to do with her case, now that he thinks about it. He's not sure either of the kids have ever seen this album, but Dash might have.

"Want this one, Mommy. Dancing."

Of course she does. Kate's fingers hesitate over the contact paper, but she peels it back and unsticks the photograph from the page, smooths the plastic back down. Ellery takes the photograph from her mother and hunches over it, pouring over the details.

Castle squeezes Kate's knee again and his wife looks up at him. Her eyes are clear though, and a little proud too, and that's good.

"Let's put Mommom on my poster," Ellery says, and then slides off the couch and runs for the living room.

Castle moves to stand, but Kate grabs his hand. "I didn't - Castle - I didn't leave room for her on the poster board. I don't know where she goes."

The grief has washed back over her, so Rick pulls her up to standing and gives her a quick hug, a kiss so soft over her mouth, wishing he could absorb some of her motherlessness.

Instead, he takes her by the hand and leads her back out to the living room, sees that Ellery has the gluestick and is going to town. "Oops. Hey, cricket, let me help."

When he gets to her side, she's already slapping the picture into place at the top of the poster board, on her mother's side of the family tree, but nearly covering her own name.

"Oh, ok. Good job," he murmurs, shrugging at Kate.

"You put Mommom on Mommy's side where she goes, huh?" Kate says, dropping to her knees beside Ellery and Castle. "Looks good, sweetheart."

"I put Mommom up in heaven. Way up here. See?"

He hears Kate's breath catch. Castle grins slowly at Ellery, reaches out to push the hair back from her eyes so he can kiss her forehead.

"Yeah. You did good, cricket. Let's draw a fluffy cloud around it so everyone knows, okay?"

"I can draw a cloud. Mommy where the blue?"

As Kate passes her the blue marker, her eyes drift to Castle's, something bright and proud in them again. He lifts his eyebrows at her in askance but she shakes her head.

She's good.

Still, he reaches over Ellery's head as she draws a painstaking cloud, takes Kate's hand, lacing their fingers together.

She smiles at him. She really will be okay.


	4. Chapter 4

"I put a blanket around him," Castle shrugs, coming back into the bathroom. "And his pillow. The dog is under there too."

Kate sighs. "I don't care where he sleeps, so long as he sleeps. But you know this means he'll come find us in the morning."

Castle grimaces back at her. "Yeah. Early. But you can get him."

She bumps hips with him at the sink, glaring as she brushes her teeth. She spits and points her toothbrush at him. "Giving me early duty?"

"You always get early duty. You're soooo good at it."

"Lazy. That's what you are."

"Nope. Just a good sleeper. Unlike you two. Me and Ellery - for the win."

She giggles, hating that something that ridiculous just made her giggle (but she's so tired, and that's a good enough excuse), and she drops her head to his shoulder. His hand comes up to card through her hair for a moment; she gets a kiss dropped to the top of her head.

"Yeah, you're tired," he murmurs, and she can hear the laughter in his voice.

"I am. And it makes me stupid. So hurry up. I want to get in bed with you."

She rinses off her toothbrush and heads straight back for their bedroom, feeling his hand drift off her waist as she leaves. She tosses him a look over her shoulder, really just looking at him, and something sparks in his eyes and he takes a few steps forward.

Kate laughs and backs up, holding out a hand to stop him. "That wasn't a _Come here,_ Castle."

"Enough of one for me." He wriggles his eyebrows and stalks forward, captures her, his arms banding at her back and knocking her off of her feet.

"Oof, no. Get off."

"Nope."

"At least put me in bed," she growls at him, even though she can feel the wave of silliness washing over her, pushing more stupid, girly laughter towards the air.

"You're coming with me," he mutters, planting his mouth at her neck and scraping with his teeth.

It sends a sharp jolt through her bones, buzzing and awake. She lets out a moan and curls a hand at his neck, struggles a little more just for that lovely friction and to hear the way he grunts, feel the tighter squeeze of his arms.

"Still tired?" he says, his mouth on her throat and working down, drawing her body up to where he wants it, easily, as if she weighs nothing.

"Not tired." She lifts her foot and feels the edge of the mattress with her toes, draws him back, a knee hooked around his thigh. "But I don't wanna do this standing up-"

He laughs and crawls into bed after her, smothers her with himself. She pushes on his shoulders to flip him onto his back, then slides over him, propping up on her elbows to give him a look, knees at his ribs.

He strokes his hands up and down her thighs, grinning at her.

"Mm, that's more like it," she says, tapping her fingers against his collarbone before ducking her head and going for his mouth.

His laugh is cut off; he clutches her shoulders, and the noise he makes when she gets to the skin at his jaw is just so very lovely.

She could do this to him all night.

* * *

Kate stirs in the bed and slits her eyes open to the mute darkness. For a moment, the hazy outline, the weight on her, the warm and wet mouth on her neck - they don't register. And then she startles, arms coming up around him as he moves lower.

She growls at him even as her heart begins to race. "Rick Castle, are you waking me up for sex? After last night?"

He laughs, delighted and low, entirely too awake for Richard Castle. "Hm, now there's an idea."

"Why are you up?" she grunts, trying to push him off her.

"Couldn't sleep."

She twists her head to look at the clock. Four in the morning. "Try harder," she mutters, moving to turn over and put her back to him.

He comes with her, curling up around her, and if this gets him to fall asleep again, fine. She'll deal.

He hums in her ear, that delighted and pleased sound that Dashiell makes as well, and Kate lifts her hand to pat his cheek behind her, scrape her nails lightly at his jaw. "Babe, you're this close to driving me crazy."

He wriggles closer, sliding his knee between hers, curling at her back tightly. "Kate, it's Thursday."

"Four in the morning, Thursday," she reminds him, failing to make the connection.

"Today is an all Beckett day."

"Yippee," she mutters, gets a tight squeeze around her ribs for that. She huffs and turns slightly to see him. "I don't know what you're-"

"I get to come to the 12th with you."

She laughs and strokes his neck. "Ah. Another take my man-child to work day?"

"I'm excited. Don't harsh my buzz, Beckett."

She sighs and closes her eyes again. "I need sleep if I have to deal with you all day."

"Or just lots of coffee."

She groans and twists in his arms, pushes him onto his back. "If we have early morning sex, will you fall back to sleep?"

He laughs at her, arms coming around her shoulders, lips at hers as soon as the words leave her mouth. "No. It'll just make me more excited." But he's already sliding his hands down her spine, thumbs at her ribs.

She lifts her head from his to regard him, and she can't help but admit that her stomach flutters every Thursday knowing that he'll be at work with her. She thought he'd be too busy with Black Pawn and Felix and yet, he's made it work.

He always keeps trying.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" she mutters. "Make it good, Castle, and then I am most definitely going back to sleep."

"We'll see."

* * *

It's pathetic how the boys line up for him, eager greetings and fist bumps and head nods with sparkling eyes. Of course, Kate has little room to talk, since she's the one leading the way down the hall and into the bullpen, her smile so bright she's probably peeling the paint, Castle trailing behind her with his own brilliant grin.

She loves Thursdays.

"Where are we on the warrant?" she says, spinning when she stops in front of the white board, dropping her bag onto the floor by her desk.

Esposito steps up and flips his notebook, looking official, like he's trying to show off for Castle or something. He bristles at her look and she knows she's left too much on her face, but she can't seem to shut it down when Castle's here.

"Still nothing. ADA Deaton - he doesn't think we have enough, but he's gonna work on the judge."

"Is this the potato chip guy?" Castle asks, settling onto the side of her desk with his coffee. She stays where she is, close to him, feels his heat flickering at her thighs, her stomach; he reaches out surreptitiously with his knee, pressing it against her leg.

"Hey now," Ryan says. "Not potato chips. Crisps. Insists on calling them crisps."

"The English," Esposito mutters, snorting and shaking his head.

"Okay guys," Beckett says, rolling her eyes at Castle in a shared dismissal of the boys' behavior. "Let's focus here. Can we get around the warrant somehow?"

"We could go back to the scene?" Castle says, tilting his head at the board. "I mean, I saw the photos, but-"

"When did you see the photos?" she asks, frowning at him. "Were you messing with my laptop again?"

"Uh. No?"

"Castle."

"I like to be prepared for a Beckett Thursday. I don't want to waste my time playing catch-up."

She gives him a long look that no longer works - he's rarely cowed by her anymore; he just smiles sweetly back at her, all crinkled eyes and love, and she's half-melted and listing towards him like the tower of Pisa.

Kate shakes it off and grabs the keys to the Crown Vic. "Okay, let's take Castle back to the scene while we wait on a warrant."

* * *

Castle hangs back with Esposito in the front of the restaurant while Kate and Ryan pick through the scene of the crime. He waits until he's certain that his wife isn't paying attention to him, and then he quirks an eyebrow at Espo.

The detective turns his back to Beckett and lowers his voice. "Man, listen. I've been pushing at Lanie for weeks now, and I got nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nada."

Shiiiip. "I really need some help on this. Beckett has pretty much refused to look at it with me anymore."

"I don't think Lanie knows, man. And you know, she's focused on the pregnancy."

"Six weeks isn't exactly-"

"Hey man, you know how Lanie is. What I'm saying - I don't think she's got the info you need anyway."

"But they're best friends-"

"Yeah, but they're not the kind of girls that talk about that stuff."

True. Damn. "Thanks for trying Espo."

"Yeah, man. We still baby-sitting for you guys after the retirement party?"

Castle grins. "Yeah. For sure." Then his face falls as he remembers. "It's coming up too soon. I don't even have - I should've made her sit down and do this before now."

Esposito gives him a sympathetic look. "Good luck with that man. Hope you find the right one."

Castle sighs, catches Beckett giving him a curious look.

"You wanted to see the crime scene, Castle. What are you doing over there?"

"Nothing," he says, heading for her and Ryan.

Nothing but trying to figure out which wedding ring she'd want so he can give it to her for their anniversary.

But yeah, nothing at all.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ha!" he shouts, fist-pumping in the morgue as Lanie confirms his theory. "Poisoned. I told you so."

She does roll her eyes at him, actually they both are rolling their eyes, but he doesn't care. It feels good to get it right again, to be with her again, doing this. Even if it's only for a day.

Lanie growls. "Castle, slow your roll. There are signs of the toxin, but I don't think it's enough to kill him."

He slumps.

Kate laughs and pats his back, rubbing her fingers up and down his spine. He likes it; he could arch his back and purr, but Lanie would definitely think him weird, and ever since the medical examiner got pregnant, she's been brassier and bolder and a little less. . .nice.

He'd never hear the end of it if he cozied up to Kate's touch.

"So, if it's not the toxin from the lab-"

"The crisps lab," Castle interjects gleefully. "He worked in a lab making the ultimate potato chip, and I for one think he ought to be given a hero's funeral-"

"Shut up, Writer Boy," Lanie mutters, pointing a scalpel at him. "It wasn't the toxin. Yes, he ingested some, and no, I do not know how. But I do think that when you figure that out, you'll find your killer."

All three of them stare down at the body. Even in death, their victim looks rather yellowy, as if he'd worked so long with potato chips that his very being had been imbued with some natural crisps presence that radiated-

"Okay, Castle. Any new theories?"

Rick turns to his wife and gives her a bright grin. "Bushels." He wriggles his eyebrows at her. "Get it? Potato bushels."

She smirks back at him. "Peel away."

Oh, he loves her.

* * *

Rival chip-maker.

_Rival chip-maker._

Seriously, his Thursday could not get any better.

Rick Castle stares through the observation glass and bounces on his toes, knowing even as he does that he looks like his five year old son. That's okay. He's excited. The guy in the box is a rival chip-maker and he most definitely killed their victim. There's a story here. A good one.

"Castle?"

He turns at her voice, finds her standing in the doorway with her coat on and an amused expression.

"Yeah?"

"What're you doing, babe?"

Oh, the babe still gets him. "Waiting for the show to start," he says, rolling his eyes with a little bit of _duh_ behind it to cover up just how much that gets to him, the pet name.

"Oh? Mm, you gonna stay here while I get the kids?"

Oh. The kids. Shiiiip.

Castle glances at his phone and checks the time, mouth dropping open when he sees how late it is. "Oh man. Already five? How did this day go by so fast?"

"Time flies when you're having fun?" She steps inside the room and curls her fingers around his forearm, smiling at him, mouth open with it, clearly so amused. "You have some time, if you really do want to watch Ryan and Espo go at it. But I've got a date with Ella, remember? So I have to go."

"Oh, yeah," he says, deflating as it comes back to him. He shudders. "I am - ug, Kate. I am not looking forward to that."

"Be good, Daddy," she murmurs, her fingers now sliding around to his wrist, tugging. "So. You staying here?"

He glances longingly at the suspect waiting in interrogation, _rival chip-maker_, but he shakes his head. "Wouldn't be fair to Dash to leave him at preschool while his sister gets to go with Mom, would it?"

"Not entirely fair, no."

He sighs, eyes still on the box. Ryan and Esposito are already entering the room.

"But not the end of the world, Castle. He'll live."

Castle wavers, then shakes his head. "No. Let's go. Time to get the kids. If you're gonna be good about it, I can be good too."

She laughs softly at him, then leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth, chaste and sweet. He curls his fingers in to touch hers around his wrist, tugs her hand into his.

"Okay," she murmurs, leading him out of the observation room. "Let's both be good."

* * *

Ella dances across the floor of the exotic pet store on her toes, feet light in her purple ballet flats, her striped leggings so bright they allow Kate to keep track of her in the crowd. Her pigtails bob as she comes to a stop at the back of the pet store, mouth dropped open, eyes wide and blue and so round, her little fingers coming up to the glass.

"Mommy, my dragon," she breathes out.

Kate comes up behind her and leans down, inspecting the dragon.

Triangular head, flat body, the dragon is yellow and brown with cool flaming orange spikes around its jaw. She reads the card attached to the glass terrarium: Central Bearded Dragon.

"Yeah, this is it," Kate says, and glances around for an employee.

Ellery hops around on her toes, practically holding her breath with excitement. Daddy finally gave in on this one, saying that so long as Kate takes care of it, he'll be okay with having a lizard in the house.

"Can you help us?" she asks, gesturing to the young man in the polo shirt. He heads towards them, takes one look at Ella in her striped leggings, her pale purple skirt, the black hand-me-down tshirt with its roaring dragon, fire breathing down one arm. The kid grins.

"Yeah, you are totally looking for a lizard, aren't you?"

Ella nods her head, pushing the loose hair back from her face with both hands. "My dragon."

"Want me to get this one out for you? You can hold him?"

"How long do they - last?" Kate asks carefully.

"Oh, long time. Guy who owns this place - this is his - it's 12 years old. We have baby ones that we hand-raise; you'd get one of those. Usually it's 5- 10 years."

"Hear that, Ellery? This is someone's pet already. You'd have to start with a baby and take care of it."

"I take care of my dragon, Mommy," Ella says, reaching out her hands for the lizard as the boy brings it out from the glass cage.

Kate watches her take it, her little fingers around the bearded dragon's long torso and tail - about the length of Kate's forearm. Ella brings it up close to her face, as if she's going to kiss it, and Kate stops her, shaking her head.

"I want a baby dragon," Ella says softly. "Please? Like _Spirited Away_, Mommy."

"Yeah, sweetheart, I know." Kate glances to the boy. "Can we get one today?"

"Definitely. Let me put him in his cage, and we'll head to the back, let her pick one of the babies."

"The lizard won't - it'll survive a lot of handling, won't it?" she asks as the boy takes the bearded dragon and drops it to it's rock. Rather unceremoniously, so yeah, looks like it'll survive.

"Oh yeah, these are great for kids. The more you pet them, love on them, the longer they live, the less stressed they get. They like a lot of freedom, so a big cage, room to walk around. A place in the sun to bask and a place in the shade to cool down. We've got a care sheet we'll give you before you go."

Kate bites her lip and glances down to the sweet, upturned face of her daughter. Who wants a dragon for a pet - not a kitten, not a hamster, not a bunny. A dragon.

She leans over and scoops Ellery up. "Okay. Let's go get a dragon."

* * *

Castle shivers and watches Kate bring the glass cage inside the loft. He pretends it's for a gerbil. Or a nice little mouse. Any of these would be more acceptable than a-

He can't think it. Scaly, those bulging eyes. The dry and scraping, sandpapery skin and-

Oh man. No. He caved to the lizard because it's his fault Ellery wants a dragon; he's the one who had the kids watch _Spirited Away_ with him, and now she's obsessed with Haku the dragon, while Totoro, poor guy, gets tossed on the floor every night in favor of the dragon toys Dashiell used to play with. Which Ella has appropriated.

Her Christmas was even all dragon-centered. She got dragon wings that she wears _out_, to the park, to preschool, everywhere. She has shoes with flames on them. She wakes up in the morning and gives him vivid accounts of her dreams - flying on the back of her very own dragon.

So he caved. He told Kate to let her get the lizard.

"Castle, help?"

He balks, an instant too long because now she's glaring at him as she struggles with the awkward terrarium. He gets to his feet, picks up Dash and moves him off to the side, then reaches for the glass cage with a wince.

"Don't worry," she mutters. "It's not in there. Ella hasn't let go of the thing yet."

He yelps and glances down. Empty cage. "Ellery?"

She scoots around Kate and comes up to his side, holding up the spiky-looking lizard with both hands. He startles backward into his wife who oofs and catches him with a laugh.

"Seriously? I thought you were being melodramatic. You're afraid of-"

"No. Not afraid," he says quickly, glancing down at Ella. If she thinks he's afraid, he'll never get any peace about it. She and Kate, jeez. Twins. Ruthless twins.

"Uh-huh," Kate murmurs, pushing on his back. "Get going. Upstairs in Ella's room."

"It will just be so incongruous. All that purple and pink and then this. A huge, ugly lizard."

"He not ugly," Ellery says fiercely from his feet. He risks a glance at the thing and supresses a shudder. He really doesn't like creepy things. Lizards are creepy. Rats. Tarantulas. He could do without most of the exotic pet store, actually.

"Sorry, cricket. Did you name him yet?"

"I not know," she sighs, and proceeds him up the stairs.

Kate nudges Castle again, sharply, and he sighs. "You want some help naming him?"

"Please, Daddy?"

Castle sighs again. "Yeah, baby girl. I'll help." He can't believe he's helping his adorable little three year name her pet lizard.

It might as well be a rat.


	6. Chapter 6

Kate glances up from the living room floor as Castle carries Ellery down the stairs. He's holding his face carefully away from the lizard she's got cradled between both hands. But Ellery? Oh, she's joyous. Best day of her life.

"Mommy, I got him a name."

"Oh you did?"

At her feet, Rex bounds up, tail swishing slowly in greeting, the calm and silent sentinel of their home. Kate runs a hand over his head to soothe him even as Dashiell runs for the stairs to see his sister's pet.

Castle sets Ellery down on her feet, a hand on her head to keep her steady. She has eyes only for her dragon.

"Ellery, baby, what did you name him?"

"Abe Lincoln," she breathes, lifting her eyes to Kate.

It takes everything in her not to laugh.

Dashiell cocks his head and reaches out a hand to touch the thing. "Abe Lincoln? Like Honest Abe the President? Why that name?"

"Him have a beard too."

Kate risks a glance at Castle and sees his calculating grin, so smug, and she bites her inside cheek to keep from bursting into laughter.

"Mm, good name, baby girl."

Dashiell shrugs and strokes the lizard's back, then recoils, shuffling away so fast he runs into his father's legs. "Why it feel like that?"

"Why does it feel like that," Castle corrects, then leans down and scoops Dashiell up into a fireman's carry. "It feels like that because it's a cold-blooded beast. Ug."

"Him a dragon," Ellery says fiercely, catching on that both her father and brother don't seem to like her baby. She turns an intense look on her mother, then runs for Kate, the lizard clutched to her chest.

Kate catches her before the thing can get squished between them, and then carefully cuddles Ellery to her. "It's okay, sweet girl. I think he's awesome. Abe is the perfect name."

"Abe Lincoln. He awesome," Ella repeats then sits up, holding the lizard out to her father. Castle has come towards them, evidently feeling badly for hurting Ella's feelings, because he sits down on the couch by Kate's head, reaches over to take the bearded dragon.

Kate can see the revulsion shimmer behind his eyes, but he's doing a really good job of tamping it down. He holds the baby lizard in his hand and swallows hard, lifts his eyes to Ellery. "I'm so glad you got your dragon, my little cricket."

Ella grins slyly, glances to her mother, and Kate realizes with dawning horror (and some small pride) that the girl knows _exactly_ - that she completely understands the irony going on here. Oh no.

Ellery clambers up onto the couch next to her father and leans against his shoulder, stroking a finger over her lizard.

"Daddy, it's funny," she says. By way of introduction.

Kate winces, catches Castle's eyes on her in sudden alarm. He sees something's coming. He knows it's coming, and she can't do a thing to help him.

"Why's it funny, cricket?"

Oh man. He's making it worse.

"My dragon _eats_ CRICKETS!"

Her shout of glee makes Castle pale; he stares at Kate in horror, looking like he wants to throw the lizard on the floor. Kate scoops Abe Lincoln out of his hands swiftly, holds the little beast to her chest as Ellery laughs and laughs, falling back into couch cushions because she's giggling so hard.

Dashiell has come to join them, his dog at his heels, and he giggles too, glancing between his parents as if in confirmation. "Crickets? Like Ella's a cricket?"

"Kate," Castle breathes out.

She gives him a sympathetic look and nods. "It eats crickets."

"Oh jeez - are you _kidding_ me?"

"Him gonna gobble me up, Daddy," Ellery squeals, giggling again and squirming in the couch with such pure pleasure that Kate has to roll her eyes.

"We bought some live crickets from the store-"

"Kate you brought crickets _into the house_-"

"I a cricket, Daddy. I in the house."

"I'm in the house," he says absent-mindedly, a hand coming out to still his daughter. "Kate. I - I didn't think it would eat - I mean - can it not be vegetarian?"

She lifts to her knees and leans against his shins, but he jerks backward and she remembers she's got Abe Lincoln in her hands. "Ella, cricket-"

Ellery giggles harder, smiling that beautiful blue-eyed smile at her mother, loving the joke. "Yes, Mommy?"

"Take your dragon," Kate says, grinning back at her and handing over Abe. The lizard's mane of pointy spikes makes him look rather wild, but Ella's hands are gentle and tender around the thing.

Ellery scoots off the couch with it, then places him on the coffee table, hunkering down so the two are eye to eye.

Kate turns back to her husband, her jittery, grossed-out husband, and soothes the tops of his thighs with her hands, up and down. "Rick. They're omnivores. The baby bearded dragons eat about 80% insects and 20% greens. When Abe gets older, then he'll eat more veggies - lettuce and stuff. Okay?"

His eyes are flared at her and he leans in to hiss, "Not okay."

She tries to keep the smirk off her face. She's finding herself about as thrilled as Ellery. "Sorry, baby."

He groans and leans back against the couch, a hand coming up to cover his face. He jerks to a stop, peering at his hand suspiciously. "I need to wash my hands. _You_ need to wash your hands."

"He's clean."

"He's a lizard," Castle growls.

"He's a clean lizard. And he's ours. And Ellery's probably going to be holding him all the time and then putting her fingers in her food or-"

He withers back against the couch, groaning, and yeah, she's a little sadistic, isn't she? She glances over at Ellery still face to face with her baby dragon, and strokes her hand through the girl's pigtails, leans in to kiss her forehead.

"Hi, Mommy," Ella says, lifting beaming eyes to her mother.

"Hey, cricket."

Ellery giggles again, so very pleased, and then lifts her head from the cradle of her arms and looks at her father. "Daddy?"

Castle sighs and lifts his head.

"I give you lots of hugs?"

Kate shoots him a look but he's already opening his arms to Ella and drawing her up off the floor, into his embrace.

"I need a ton of hugs, baby girl," he murmurs, lips caressing her face. "One for every cricket that thing's gonna eat."

Kate relaxes and glances over at her son; he's eyeing the lizard now, studying it from afar.

"You don't like the way he feels?"

Dashiell shakes his head. "It's wrong."

"He feels wrong?"

"Very wrong. Nothing - nothing should feel mushy and warm and also spiked and pointy at the same time, Momma."

She grins back at him. "Well, sometimes life is like that, kiddo."

"Life is a lizard?"

Kate laughs and shakes her head at him. "No. Sometimes life looks like it should be one way, but it ends up being something completely different."

"How's it different?"

Kate glances over at Castle and she can see he's thinking the same thing she is, so she goes ahead and says it.

"This isn't the life I thought I'd have when I was, oh I don't know, Allie's age?"

"What you think?" Ellery pipes up, leaning against her father, arms still around his neck.

"Um, well. I thought I'd just be a detective. A cop. Nothing else. I didn't think I'd be a mom. Or that I'd have your Dad. Or you guys."

"Cause we weren't born yet," Dash says knowingly. "How could you know we'd be here if we weren't even born?"

"Right," she says, smiling at him. "That too."

Castle nudges her with his foot; she loops her arm around his leg and leans against him, watching Dashiell reach out for the lizard again. Abe Lincoln seems content to hang out with them, sitting on the coffee table. He does swivel his head so that one of his eyes can watch Dashiell too, but he doesn't move much more than that.

"You like your dragon, baby girl?" Castle sighs, and when Kate looks back, he's smoothing Ella's pigtails with his fingers, tugging on them.

"_Love_ my dragon, Daddy," she says, pressing her hands to his cheeks and leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

Kate can see Castle melt; he leans his forehead to Ellery's, hugging her. "Okay, cricket. I guess I can love him too."

"He's coming after me!" Dashiell gasps out.

Kate glances back to the lizard and sees that Abe Lincoln has crept forward, following Dashiell's extended fingers, chasing after him in a slow, methodical way.

"He wants you to keep petting him," Kate says. "The other baby dragons did the same thing at the store. They love to be petted."

"I do it," Ellery says suddenly, squirming out of Castle's arms and getting down on the floor, putting her face near her lizard. "Hi, Abe Lincoln. I can hold you. I be Mommy and make you happy."

And now it's Kate's turn to melt as Ellery reaches out and cuddles her lizard, bringing the bearded dragon up close to her cheek and hugging it, whispering to him in Croatian the scattered phrases she knows.

Oh, it's weird and it's beautiful.

"Good job, cricket," Kate murmurs, reaching out to brush her fingers over Ella's forehead.

At that moment, Rex noses into Ellery's arms, his muzzle against the lizard, and Kate startles, her heart in her throat.

But the dog only sniffs, nudges Ella with his head, and then licks the lizard.

"Ew," Dash moans. "He licked it. Oh man. Oh gross, my dog licked the dragon. Dragon cooties for ALWAYS."


	7. Chapter 7

"Kate?" Rick heads out into the living room, searching for her with her phone in his hand. She comes around the corner from the laundry room, Ellery trailing behind her with that beast in her hands. Still.

"Yeah?" Kate says, prompting him.

"Oh. You missed a call. I think you've missed a lot of calls."

"I have?" she sighs, heading for him and taking her phone. "I'm on call - oh. Huh. Four unknown and two from-"

When she stumbles to a halt, he stops eyeballing the lizard cradled to Ella's chest and glances up to Kate. "What?"

"Two from Raglan."

"Who is that?"

Her breath stutters and she draws a shaky hand through her hair. "Ella, baby, go back to the bar. Dinner's almost ready."

Ellery refuses to budge for an instant, but Castle gives her a look, completely willing to punish her disobedience by taking away the lizard. She seems to read it on his face because she scoots back to the kitchen.

"Kate," he says softly.

"John Raglan. Lead detective on my mother's case."

Castle stares at her. "What? Why is he calling you?"

"I don't know. I don't know," she says, and now she's shaking her head and pushing her phone into his hands, like she doesn't want it.

"Kate?" he says, hesitant over this. They've talked so very little about her mom's case, since that one time when Dash was a toddler and she'd taken some time off to help him catch up with the book. He remembers her saying she packed it up when she found out she was pregnant.

But surely it's not just over. Can two kids really close off that need for justice?

"I have to finish dinner," she says, and turns away from him.

* * *

Castle stares down at the four missed calls from Unavailable, the two from John Raglan, and he can't help the dread that washes over him. He doesn't want her to ignore this, not if there's new information out there, not if it's possible that there's a break in her mother's case.

She keeps treating this life like it's a deal she's made. She gets to be happy if she ignores how tragically her mother died. She was doing it before too, but in the reverse - wallowing in the murder because she made a deal to give up on life if it meant catching the killer.

He thought, mistakenly, she was past that kind of thinking. Perhaps not.

He thinks about it long and hard; he really is tempted. He might still-

But instead he goes upstairs and calls Dashiell for dinner, helps the kid put away every single lego he's dumped out on his floor because Dash can't do anything if his room isn't clean when he leaves it.

Dashiell chatters away about gross lizards and pointy beards and his dog. Rex was sleeping across the threshold to the boy's room, but woke when Castle came inside. He follows them now down the hallway.

"Dash, you wash your hands after petting Lincoln?"

"Yeah, Dad, course." As if he's saying, _What do you take me for?_

When they get downstairs, Rex slinks under the dining room table to wait for fallen soldiers, as Dash enjoys calling the scraps of food that fall to the floor. Ellery's got Abe Lincoln on the bar counter; she's coloring a picture of her dragon in which the lizard actually does have a beard, and strangely enough, it looks somewhat like the assassinated president.

Weird.

"Okay kids, set the table," Castle says, reaching out to pluck Ella from the bar stool and set her on her feet. He takes the crayon from her and drops it to the counter, nudging her forward with a hand on her head.

"But my dragon?"

"He'll stay right here. Hang out and watch you eat."

"I can take him to dinner with me?"

"No," Castle says, and Kate catches his eye with a look but he's firm on this one. No way is that thing sitting on the dining room table. "No, cricket. He'll have to wait here."

Dashiell climbs up onto his stool, then from there onto the countertop. He opens the cabinet door and pulls down his and Ella's plastic plates, then their cups. Kate is taking the casserole dish out of the oven, so Castle opens the fridge and pulls out the milk.

Dashiell hops down, hands over a plate and cup to Ellery, and the two of them scamper to the dining room table. Kate is poking at the lasagna. "Do you think this is done?"

He glances over at it, ducks to look at the noodles through the clear glass. The cheese is bubbling and it smells like heaven. "I think so."

"Seriously, I think-"

"Looks fine, Kate. I love your lasagna," he says, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

She pushes his face back with her fingers, narrowing her eyes at him. Yeah, not in the mood. Got it.

He brings the milk to the table and pours a glass for each kid, then glances around dramatically. "Hey. Where's mine? Where's Mom's?"

"Forgot!" Dashiell laughs and jumps out of his chair, races back into the kitchen. Kate, at that moment, is turning around with the lasagna in her oven-mitted hands.

"Kate - incoming!" Castle warns, jerking towards them but knowing he is too, too late.

Dash plows straight into his mother and bounces back with the force of it; Castle sees Kate stumble and clutch at the casserole, an oven mitt falling to the floor, the dish bobbling. Castle drops the milk on the counter as he comes around, but Kate's already spun back to the stove and dropped the dish on top with a clatter. He's surprised it's not broken, just from that.

"Shit, shit, shit," she groans, shaking her hand, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Mommy?"

"It's okay, buddy," Castle says, grabbing Dashiell by the shoulders and nudging him out of the way. "Accident. Go sit down."

Kate is leaning over the counter, her back to them, silent and white. Dashiell hesitates at the entry to the kitchen, and Ellery has come up at his side, her face tight with shared worry.

Castle blocks their view of Kate and comes up behind her carefully. "Hey."

She bows her head, almost to the counter.

"Burned?" he says.

She grunts something that might be agreement.

He steps past her and turns on the water, letting it run until it's lukewarm over his fingers. He takes Kate by the elbow and tugs her towards the sink, stays at her side so that the kids can't see her face.

"God, that hurts," she breathes out, and turns her head into him, pressing her face into his neck.

"I know," he murmurs, cradling his hand around her wrist, waiting on her.

She lifts her head after a moment and glances down at her left hand, slowly relaxes her fingers until he can see the damage.

"Ah, Kate," he sighs. "We need to run some water over this."

She nods, but he can feel the tremble of pain up her arm. "You're gonna have to do it, Castle. I can't-"

He thrusts her arm forward, the water hits her palm, her fingers, all without warning. She buckles, her knees slamming into the cabinets, but he's behind her, he's got her. He wraps his other arm around her waist to hold her up.

She's gritting her teeth, and he's got to keep a tight grip on her wrist to prevent her from jerking her hand out from under the water.

"Daddy?"

"It's okay, kiddo," he says, glancing over his shoulder to Dashiell. The boy's face is a wretched mix of guilt and grief, and Castle wants to go to him, but Kate-

She stands up then, legs shaky, leaning against the sink, and she elbows him with her right arm. "Go, go. Get him." She presses her lips together; they go white.

"Five minutes under the water," he warns.

She nods jerkily.

Castle turns and scoops up Dash, hugging him hard, kissing his cheek. "Just an accident. Mommy will be fine."

"It hurts her."

"It does. That happens sometimes."

"I'm okay, Dash. Not your fault, my man." Her voice is thin, but Dashiell's little body does ease at the sound, if only slightly.

Ellery is clinging to his leg, so he leans over and gets a hand under her armpit, lifts her up to his other hip. Both kids wrap their arms around him, at his neck, heads leaning against his shoulders. He kisses them both, then heads back to the sink to check on Kate.

She's giving him a tight grimace of a smile, her right hand wrapped around her left wrist like she's got to hold herself in place.

He meets her eyes, questions in them, but she can't seem to keep it up.

"Hey," he says quietly, knowing the kids are watching, reminding her as well.

"Gonna. . ." She presses her lips together. "Okay. Be okay."

He nods, but he's feeling the kids' anxiety absorbing into his skin now that he's not needed for the emergency.

She seems to not be doing so great either. "Come here," she murmurs.

He steps in closer, the back of Ellery's legs hitting the sink, and Kate lists to one side, leaning against him. He can feel her breathe slowly, feel even her lashes fluttering at his shirt.

He drops a kiss to the top of her head, his arms growing heavy with the kids, but unwilling to move away.

"That's better," she says on a long sigh. "Oh, better."

* * *

Maybe the strange, unanswered phone calls from Raglan started it, but Kate getting burned on the casserole dish just topped them off. Everyone crowds into the big bed downstairs, the kids trying to be so very careful about bumping into Mommy. Castle wrapped her hand loosely with gauze after slathering it with aloe. He tested her skin to make sure it was only a first-degree burn, nothing worse. She cried when he administered the first aid.

She told him she'd rather be shot. He didn't think it was funny.

They ordered pizza and ate on the couch, and now that it's the kids' bedtime, they all bunch up together, cuddling in their dog pile. Even Rex is in the bed with them, but Castle made Ella put the lizard in his terrarium with the excuse that Abe was too tired for dog piling.

Poor Dashiell will not soon get over this. He lays at Castle's side, but his eyes are on Kate, troubled still. Ella's turn to pick, and she chose a movie instead of a story, so they're watching on the tv in their bedroom, the girl down at their feet, her head on Rex's back.

"Mommy," Dash whispers. He likes Spirited Away, but his mind obviously isn't on the movie.

"Okay, baby, I'm okay," she murmurs. She's curled up at Castle's side, her injured hand over her head and resting on his pillow.

"Mommy, I'm so sorry," Dash whimpers, his face twisted.

"I know, I know, sweetheart, don't-" But Dashiell's already crying fat tears, burying his face in Castle's armpit. He sighs and curls his arm around Dash, glances to Kate. She nods, sliding her hand across him to lay her palm against Dash's neck.

"Come over here with me," she murmurs. "Dash. Come on, baby. Please?"

Dashiell sucks in a stuttering breath and mewls as he climbs over Castle, sliding onto Kate's chest and wrapping his arms around her neck.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so-"

"Baby, you are fine. Not your fault. It was an accident. Neither of us were looking where we were going."

"And I'm the one who made you get up and go back for more plates."

Dashiell keeps his face against Kate, but his tears seem to slack off after a while. Castle catches Ellery's face peering at them down by their feet; he nudges her with his toes and she crawls up the bed to claim Dash's spot at his side. He kisses her forehead and strokes his hand through her hair, trying to untangle it as he goes.

They didn't do bathtime; the kids aren't even in their pajamas. Ella went upstairs to put away her lizard, and she shucked her skirt and her top, so she's got on her striped leggings and a thin tshirt. Dashiell is in his sweatpants and the long-sleeved Yankees shirt he wore to preschool.

Kate strokes the kid's back over and over, her head still tilted to Castle's shoulder. He curls both arms around his family, watches Kate try to comfort their son as he lays cradled between them.

Dash lets out a long sigh, turns to press his cheek to Kate's collarbone. She smooths down his hair, brushes at the dampness on his face.

And then her phone rings. Castle reaches for it, sees the display, turns it so she can see.

"No," she says, and her voice is the strongest he's heard since her hand was burned.

He presses ignore to John Raglan's third call of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

"Rick. . .Rick. . ._Castle._"

He grunts awake in the darkness, turns his head at the tone in her voice. Her eyes are bright and shimmering next to him. "Kate?"

"I need - need them off of me," she says, her voice cracking.

He jerks up, sees both kids have fallen asleep on her. "Shit, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"My hand is killing me." But she's closing her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath out. "Can you put the kids to bed, get me some tylenol or - or something stronger?"

"Course, yeah. Let me get them upstairs," he murmurs, already tugging on Ellery and cradling her against his chest. "I'll come back for Dash."

"Thanks," she breathes out. He sees her hand is curled near her cheek, her eyes moving under her lids.

"You okay until I can get him?"

She shakes her head against the pillow. "Can you bring it back with you when you get Dash?"

"Yeah. I will."

He moves swiftly out of their room, heads up the stairs. He tucks Ellery into her own bed, kissing her forehead, tugging the covers up before he jogs back down the steps. He heads for the kitchen and the cabinet next to the stove, pulls down the painkillers from the top shelf. They're old, but they should still work. He grabs her a bottle of water and hustles back to the bedroom.

"Kate," he says quietly.

She opens her eyes; he sees she's drawing circles on Dash's back with her fingertips, as if soothing herself as well. He puts a knee into the mattress and opens the water for her. She shakes her head.

"Can't sit up with him on me."

"Okay, I'll leave this right here. Hold on." He caps the water and sets the pills and bottle down on the bed, then reaches over and manhandles Dashiell off of his mother. Kate grunts as the kid tries to burrow back down into her; he tugs his son into his arms and gets off the bed.

He takes the stairs two at a time, surprised that Dash hasn't woken up with the rough carrying. The boy makes a snuffling sound and his hand twitches, but Castle gets the kid into his bed and tucks him in. Poor guy. He was really broken up about Kate; he hopes the kid can bounce back tomorrow.

When he starts back down the stairs, he realizes suddenly what's been bothering him.

John Raglan called Kate.

John Raglan's _name_ is in Kate's phone as a contact. As if she's gotten calls from him before, as if it's been enough times that she's put a name to the number.

The lead detective on her mother's case has been calling her.

For how long now?

* * *

She's managed to get herself upright in the bed, but her hand is throbbing with pain. The pills went down easily enough, and she's just waiting for them to knock her out. Tomorrow is going to be rough, she can already tell.

Kate gets out of bed and shuffles towards the bathroom, fiddling with the bandage around her hand. The heat coming off her palm is brutal; she tugs on the tape and realizes that her wrist is burned as well.

"Kate?"

She half-turns to look at him as he comes through the bathroom door. "It's - the tape is on part of the burn."

"Oh." He looks confused, and a little more worried than she expected.

"Thanks for getting the pain pills. Should kick in any moment. Can you help me get the tape off? I want to run water over it."

"Yeah," he says, but his voice breaks.

"Castle?"

"Yeah, no. I'm - it's okay," he says, and he's already coming in close, fingers gentle at her wrist.

Her body lists towards him suddenly, and she laughs, catches herself against his shoulder. "Sorry. Tired."

"Pain pills," he says shortly.

"Oh." She blinks and frowns. "Not that fast, surely?"

"I grabbed the pills they prescribed for me after the surgery."

"Shiiiiip, Castle," she mutters, sways again and has to press her forehead to his chest. "I'm half your size?"

"Half," he grunts, indignation making his voice rough and delicious.

"Something. It's - my whole body is so heavy."

But then he gets his fingers under the tape and she jerks in pain.

"Sorry, sorry." He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her to the sink. "Your skin is hot. Here. Put your hand under the water."

She feels the sudden cool relief and her knees go weak; he's already there, catching her, chuckling into her hair.

"Oh, good. Good." Her head is swimming, her body sinking to the bottom. She could sleep. She could drift right away.

"Kate," he murmurs, sooo sexy. Oh God, he's so sexy. And she is so hot.

"Baby," she hums back, lifting her lashes to look at him.

He chuckles and obliges her with a kiss, but it's too quick, tooooo tooo quick, and he should really just-

"Kate, love, you're on pain meds and your hand is a mess. You need sleep."

"Or just you," she sighs, leaning back against him, her mouth at the soft skin just above the collar of his tshirt, tongue touching the hollow of his throat.

She can feel his body warming towards her. "I'm glad I can do it for you, but you're loopy."

"Not loopy. Just really really honest," she sighs happily. "Happens."

"Really _really_ honest, huh? How honest are we talking here?"

"Brutally. Don't ask me about that Cat in the Hat tie you just bought, cause I _hate_-" She gasps and drops her jaw, groaning. "Oh, so not fair. I gotta shut up. Make me shut up."

The water cascades over her hand, so very cool and lovely, and Castle's fingers brush over her forearm, again and again. "Shut up, babe."

"Mm, trying."

"Actually. Perfect chance for me to ask you a question."

She laughs and slits her eyes at him. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He laughs back. "Ah, honest and silly too. I like it."

"Hmm. What's your question?"

"Kinda similar actually. You gonna let me buy you a ring any time soon, Kate?" he says softly.

"Waiting on you," she murmurs back, sighing heavily. "You're supposed to know."

"How very girly of you," he says.

She opens an eye and tilts her head to look at him; he holds her so nicely, so good, not too tight but not too loose. "Girly?"

"You want me to read your mind?"

"Oh." Huh. "No? I want you to pick, and surprise me, and so I can look at my ring every day when I put it on and know you thought it was just for me. And only me. You only thought of me."

"Kate," he sighs. "I always only think of you."

"So get me my ring, Castle," she mutters, grazes her lips at the underside of his jaw. "Plus, I ain't gonna remember a bit of this in the morning. I am drunk."

He laughs against her hair; his arm curls up to cradle her head, keep her steady. Feels good. "Oh you are?"

"Oh I am. . .oh, yes. Drunk. Yeah. Why did you let me - oh no. My hand. Right."

"Guess it's working?"

"I can't feel my lips." She rubs them against his skin and he stiffens under her touch, clutches at her neck.

"Time for bed, Kate."

She opens her eyes and he's already got the water off; he turns her around - he's so gentle and so beautiful. Look at how his eyes glitter blue and dark in the bathroom's nightlight. She loves him, loves the way he has, all his movements, the warm and broad hands, the breadth of his chest-

"Love you so much," she says, turning as she gets to the bed, her eyes not willing to work with her.

"Love you too, babe." He gentles her, gets her back down in bed. "Kate, stay right here. I'm going to get the aloe and wrap your hand and your wrist, okay?"

"Kay. I'm probably can't - unh - I - won't be awake long."

"Sleep, love."

* * *

When he gets back to the bedroom, he glances at the time. Only eleven, and Kate's totally out. He slathers aloe on her palm and wrist, wraps her hand loosely, and then drops a kiss to her forehead.

He settles down on the bed beside her, stroking her hair back from her face, fingers trailing back to her ear.

She's gorgeous and amazing and the mother of his kids; she made a place for them somewhere in between their two worlds, blended them together seamlessly - all determination and confidence and beauty. She has the ability to slide easily from detective to mother to lover to partner, and be all of those within herself at one time.

But her mother's case - one doesn't cancel out the other. She should be able to get justice for the terrible thing done to her family and still _have_ a family.

He presses another kiss to her forehead, and he realizes he's so very disappointed. In her, in himself, in the situation they've created. She's kept this from him, thinking to protect his feelings, and he thought-

He thought he loved her enough to make it okay to share everything, to let him in on all her secrets.

But instead of telling him this stuff, she's been getting calls from the lead detective on her mother's case, and she's hidden it from him. And it hurts, and he's got to get over that. He has to get over that. She's just trying to protect him, doing it all behind his back, just like she does, keeping it to herself until she knows enough, knows what it will look like.

She loves him; she loves their kids. They've built this together. And even though right now in the darkness it feels shaky, it's not. They survive. No matter what happens.

Castle leans over her in the bed, hovers just over the lovely line of her profile, and then takes a kiss from her lips. Her breath skirts his cheek and he touches the side of her face with his fingertips, hurt and determined and so in love with her.

And then he reaches past Kate to her bedside table and plucks up her phone.

Raglan answers on the first ring.

"Detective Beckett? Listen, I need to-"

"This is her husband. Rick Castle. You wanna tell me why my wife won't take your calls?"


	9. Chapter 9

She wakes feeling dried out, parched, her tongue thick and her jaw fused. And still her hand throbs.

"Castle," she murmurs, swallowing painfully. And then after a long moment, "Rick."

She lies there feeling the pulse of her own pain, riding it like a wave before opening her eyes to the empty bed. She winces and peers at the clock. Too early. Too late. Something. Not time for getting up. And where is Castle?

She sighs and shifts her hips to move, sucking in a breath at the way it jostles her hand. Wow. The fire in her skin, the raw sensitivity of it - she might cry. She cannot cry, not for this. Stupid.

"Castle?" she calls out, her voice scratchy with dehydration.

She lifts up on the side of the bed, sways there for a moment. From the corner of her eye, she can see the hallway through the open bedroom door, pitch black. She needs a glass of water, badly, and she wants to curl up against him, have him cradle her hand between his, let his fingers make those soothing, wonderful circles against the skin of her forearm. He makes her feel good; she wants to feel good.

She takes a tentative step and it's okay; she has her balance. She can still feel the heaviness of that pain medication he gave her - wait, did he propose to her in the bathroom?

Huh. Something.

"Castle?" she calls again, finding her way in the dark of the hall, moving carefully.

She wants some water. Her mouth feels like a sock. Ug. No more pain meds; this is bordering on nausea.

Kate's just moving into the living room when she comes upon him suddenly, nearly trips over him pacing, phone to his ear.

She startles to a stop; he looks thunderstruck. And ashamed. His jaw drops as he stands there.

She tilts her head at him, eyebrows knitting together. Why is he looking at her like that?

"I need some water," she says, pushing past him for the kitchen.

Oh. Oh, wait.

"Hey, that's my phone," she says, confused as she turns back to him. "What happened to yours?"

His mouth opens and shuts, his eyes avoid hers. She steps in again, her brain a mess of pain killers and confusion. Why is he acting like this?

He turns and moves away from her, escapes to the study. She can hear the low murmur of his voice as he goes, still on the phone.

Kate sways there for a moment, then shakes her head slowly and moves for the kitchen. She needs water. Her hand is throbbing.

* * *

Great. It's nearly midnight, and he needs to explain. Damn. This is not how he thought it would go.

He hangs up with Raglan and finds her leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of water, her eyes not quite focused.

"Kate," he says on a sigh.

She turns to him, gives him a soft smile and holds out her hand. "It doesn't hurt so much when you touch me."

He chokes a surprised laugh, staring at her, and then he comes forward and gently takes her by the elbow, smooths his fingers down her forearm, skirting the bandage. She hums and her eyes close; her body cants towards his.

"This what you mean?" he says softly. Maybe he should wait.

"Yeah," she sighs. "Come back to bed with me. Done calling people in the middle of the night?"

"Kate," he gruffs, thumb pressing into the soft skin on the inside of her elbow. "I called Raglan."

She startles, _laughs_, and then cocks her head as if she can't quite understand him. "What?"

"I called Raglan back. On your phone."

Her jaw drops.

"He wants to meet with you. He's dying, Kate. He has cancer. He said five years ago when he was diagnosed, they gave him only a few months to live. He's hung on, he said, but back then he tried to meet up with you-"

"So he can clear his conscience," she says harshly, but the words trip over her tongue and her anger is muted by the medication. "I'm not interested in absolving him of his sins, Castle."

"Do you even know-"

"He swept my mother's case under the rug. That's all I need to know. I'm not interested in anything else."

"But he has - he has new information, Kate."

"I don't care. We can't even know if that's true. And Castle?" She straightens up, curls her arm at her chest, bandaged palm away from him. "Don't you ever - don't you ever - do that again."

And then she walks away from him.

It's slow. It's crooked.

But she doesn't look like she wants him to follow.

* * *

Shiiiip, it's the pain meds. She's crazy and they're making her goofy. She feels like crying; she wants to cry. Her hand hurts and her head hurts and her mouth is still dry and Castle just went behind her back and called Raglan and completely undermined all the work, all the effort she's put into _not looking into her mother's case._

And all she wants to do is crawl on top of him and fall asleep to the way he slides his hands up and down her back but he hasn't even come into their bedroom since she told him off.

"Castle," she calls out finally, giving in. She moves to stand but he's already there, lurking in the doorway.

Her chest eases. He takes a step inside, his eyes bleak.

"Why aren't you in bed with me?" she mutters, coming for him.

"You're mad at me," he whispers into her neck.

She shivers and holds her hand carefully at his chest, closes her eyes. "I can't keep it together, Castle. The painkillers and my hand and this - it's sloshing around in my head and I really, I really just want to sleep with you. Please?"

He sucks in a breath, startled maybe, and his arms go around her so tightly, good and tight, and he bends his knees to lift her off her feet, carrying her back to the bed.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs into her hair, a kiss of his mouth at her cheekbone.

"No you're not," she sighs back, lets him maneuver her body in the bed, her leg falling between his, her cheek against his chest.

"I am sorry. For making you upset. But I wish you'd told me."

"I didn't know I was hiding it."

"Oh," he sighs. "But when Raglan called you the first time-"

"When he called the first-? Oh, five years ago? You want me to remember why I didn't tell you something five years ago?"

"Uh."

"Yeah," she mutters, rolling her head to prop her chin on his chest and look at him. "My head is fuzzy. But even _I_ know that there was probably a hell of a lot I didn't tell you five years ago."

"But, Kate. Kate, I don't understand this. What about your mom's case? If Raglan can give you-"

"Can we not? I don't - my capabilities are severely compromised and it's hard enough ignoring the fact that you took my phone and went behind my back - oh, shit, Castle, you went behind my back about this _again_. Again. And what can I do? _It hurts. _And I can't even kick you out of my precinct because you're barely there as it is, and I cherish Thursday, and I can't kick you out of my life for sticking your nose in it because it's your life too, and I'm so pissed at you but I can't even _hang on to it_, because of this shitty, confusing pain killer that is making me sick to my stomach-"

"Okay, okay, hush, Kate," he murmurs, curling up around her and she realizes she's crying now, she is, and she hates it when he does stuff like this, messing in her business. But she said it already, it's his business now too, it is, and it's not like she wouldn't tell him. She would have told him if there was anything to tell.

"Don't shush me," she mutters. "Now I'm ticked off and I'm crying, and I hate these pain killers. I hate them."

"I'm sorry."

"I just wanted some sleep, Castle, and now I'm - I'm messy."

"Messy?"

He's laughing? Is he laughing at her?

"It's - I am emotionally compromised by these pain killers and my hand, and I - God, Castle - I nearly dropped a whole dish of burning hot food on my son, and it was only - it was a miracle, oh God, it had to have been divine intervention that he made it out of that unscathed-"

She groans and presses her face against him, trying to stem the tide of fresh, hot tears.

"You did good, Kate. You caught it, you kept him safe."

"That's all I'm trying to do here," she says, talking into his chest and hunching her shoulders. "I just want to keep everyone safe."

"You're fine, babe. You're doing that. We're safe."

"I know I sound crazy. I can hear the crazy," she mutters, sucking in a deeper breath, trying to keep in control of it. "But you don't know, Castle. You haven't seen me at my worst."

"Oh, I think I have."

She lifts her head, surprised, a little - oh, giggly is not the right word, but maybe? - and she _hates_ these painkillers with a vivid and lurid passion.

"No," she says insistently, reaching up with her right hand to pinch his ear. "My mom's case. You haven't seen me when it's bad."

"I have an idea," he says, too gentle, too good. But no. _Not_ good. He is undermining her every step of the way here.

"I am trying to walk that balance, trying to keep the cop stuff away from my family, or - or - not in it all the time, not make everything about murder victims. But Castle you are making this very hard for me and I sound so - I'm confused and I'm not - I can't get at the words."

She drops her head, closes her eyes, tries to force her brain to concentrate, but she's so tired, she just wants to sleep. It would be so much better if she could. . .there's something. . .

"Kate. Love? Don't fall asleep yet."

"No. Not," she answers, tilts her head, but her body is sinking against his, boneless.

"Kate."

What is this about?

His mouth at her ear. "Raglan. Not seeing you at your worst-"

"Oh, God, you can't push me into this, Castle," she cries out, feeling the wave of grief rise up in her again. "You can't. I need you to have my back, not stab me in the back."

He clutches at her; it hurts. He's hurting her.

"_Kate_," he says, his voice raw. "No. Never. I'm not. I promise."

"I can't go near this," she says, the words swimming up out of the darkness. Her body starts to keen with drugged exhaustion. "Can't. I'll fall down that rabbit hole again, and I don't know what happens to my kids if I do that. This is so good, we are so good, Castle, don't make me screw this up."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I got it. No more. You won't screw it up. I won't let either of us screw it up."

"I can't talk to him. I can't go near it; I'm afraid I'll never get free."

"I'm here, I'm your partner, right? I won't let you fall, Kate. I'll never let you fall back down that hole."

She can't think. It's all gone - it's crumbling before her very eyes and scattered.

"I just love you," she murmurs, thoughtless and slipping into the black.

* * *

He's an asshole. He can't believe he never thought of it like this, can't believe it didn't occur to him that she might actually be afraid of what her mother's case does to her.

She's right. He's never seen it bad. He knows she was nearly suspended trying to investigate it on her own as a uniform. Captain Montgomery has regaled him with stories about how he found Kate crouched over the archives' folder with a flashlight, pouring over the case without permission. How Uncle Mo saw in her right then and there the tenacity and fortitude to be a homicide detective.

He's grateful she had people like the Captain to guide her, keep her from disappearing under the weight of her mother's unsolved case. For a few years, he really did believe that if he threw enough money at it, justice would be served. He really did think that if he just kept attacking it with experts and forensic pathologists and his own mind - if Kate had those resources, then it would be easy.

But after Kate shot Coonan, her mother's case was a snakepit of confusion, questions begetting questions.

Castle remembers how she sobbed over the hired killer's body, how she begged. That was his first glimpse into the maelstrom of her abandoned heart, into the raw and brutal force of her need for closure.

He hopes that in these past few years their family has helped to heal a lot of those wounds, but still, he can come across her suddenly and see that wellspring of grief in her eyes.

He's not going to fool himself into thinking that five years of marriage can combat sixteen years of _not knowing why._ Of not having a name. A person behind bars.

She's right; he won't, not in a hundred lifetimes, he won't put her in this position ever again. He sees it now. He's ridiculously grateful to the pain pills for making her unhinged enough to even tell him this much. Because he honestly thinks they would have wasted a few days on pissed off and hurt, and then come back to this only after he maybe had done something very very stupid.

If he hasn't already.

But he does have an idea to fix this.


	10. Chapter 10

"Kate?"

She finds her body bobbing on the surface of her consciousness, but she can't manage to come all the way up.

Perhaps time goes by, maybe not. She can't tell.

"Momma?"

But the drag takes her under.

"Kate."

A hand on her shoulder and brushing down her arm. The flare of fire follows it.

"Kate. You need to wake up."

She can just grasp the edges of consciousness and drag it down towards herself, just barely. And then the feeling of heaviness slowly dissipates until she's staring up at Rick.

He gives a relieved smile. "Hey, babe. I called in to the 12th for you."

"What?" she rasps, but she's not even sure that was a real word leaving her mouth.

"I couldn't get you to stay awake this morning. Kinda scared me, actually."

"What - is it? Time's it?"

"It's eleven."

"Oh no," she moans and her eyes open again. Were they closed? "No, the case. Have to finish before the party tomorrow night."

"Boys are there, covering for you. I took the kids to preschool, Ella too, so you have some time to come on back to the land of the living."

She manages to lift her arm and press it over her eyelids, keep her eyeballs from detaching and rolling away. She feels a hot mess and still so tired.

"How's your hand, Kate?"

"Hurts."

"Enough to stay home?"

"No."

"At least go in after lunch. We can get some tylenol in you. Food too. Help with the hangover feeling."

"M'kay."

"Kate."

She nods against her arm and sighs. "Help me."

"Help you what."

"Up, get me up. I need - I really have to pee."

He chuckles and she can feel him leaning over her; his arm slides beneath her shoulder and she's being pulled upright. She sways, blinking, cradling her injured palm in her other arm.

"I almost dropped a whole casserole dish on Dashiell's head," she whispers, her eyes seeking his.

"You didn't. Just an accident."

"Was he okay this morning?" She bites her bottom lip as awareness, wakefulness comes back to her. "He wasn't still weepy?"

"A little weepy. I sent him in here to try and wake you up. He came back out and said you told him to go ask Daddy. He was giggling; he thought you were funny."

She grunts and nods, drops her head to his shoulder. He moves as if he's going to back away and she whines.

"Stay here, stay."

"Okay."

"And oh, I'm mad at you," she murmurs, turning her lips into his shoulder on a sigh. She lifts from the strong, solid line of his body, stumbles up to her feet. "I'm actually - oh, did I cry last night?"

He huffs and follows her into the bathroom. "You did. Pretty mean thing to do, Beckett, using your tears to punish me."

"I cried." She rolls her eyes at herself and uses the bathroom, sighing because he watches her. Dashiell used to follow her into the bathroom too, chattering away like nothing, and he gets it from his father. "Why did I cry?"

"You were scared."

"Oh, the casserole. I - that was a close one. Makes me jittery just remembering. And Castle - you called Raglan? You called him. But I don't-"

"I know," he says quickly. "You told me. I won't make you."

She washes her hands and then heads for the shower, flips the water on with a dark look at him. "I'm not sure what I told you but I hope you were listening."

"I was. I got it. But I did have an idea. I just don't know if you're too hungover to hear it?"

She rolls her shoulders, slips her shirt off, tries to judge her soberness. The drug is still trembling in her limbs, but her blood isn't doped any longer. "Let me shower, then tell me your idea."

"Wanna shower together?" he murmurs, a slow grin on his face.

"Actually, yeah. I need you to wash my hair." She lifts her burned hand up between them, gives him a little pout.

His leer melts away, tenderness replacing the look in his eyes. "Anything to make it up to you."

She sighs and leans in against him, dropping her shoulders. "Just promise to talk to me about it next time. Call me out on it, Castle, if you think I'm hiding stuff."

"I know. I will. Don't worry."

And then he turns her around gently, pushes her towards the shower door.

* * *

He glances at her, but she seems far more awake now that he's gotten food into her. She drags her pancakes through the last of the syrup and swallows the bite.

"At least it's your left hand," he murmurs, dropping a kiss to her cheek as he moves around the bar towards the stove. He forgot to turn it off.

"True. I won't go out today though."

"Yeah, please don't," he laughs, giving her a look over his shoulder. "Or well, let Espo go first?"

"Yeah," she says, giving him a slightly apologetic look. Yeah, he could totally tell she wasn't really going to be able to stick to that one. "Espo will take point. Promise."

"Uh-huh."

"Hey, wait a second, what was your idea?"

He turns around and leans against the counter, hands pressed to either side and propping himself up. "I could meet with him."

"Meet with-" She gapes at him, jaw dropping. "Raglan?"

"Yeah. Why not? We talked on the phone a little last night. He knew who I was."

She shivers, her eyes go dark. "I don't - I don't like that he knows who you are."

He presses his lips together, but he can't help the half-grin that twists his lips. "Kate, love, he knows me for. . .me. Not for you."

She lifts her chin, a little frown flirting with her lips. "What?"

"My books. He knows my books. He's read a few of the older ones. I told him Nikki Heat was about you, and he was surprised."

She gives a strangled laugh and leans her forehead against the heel of her hand, then sighs. "Okay, yeah. Not everything's about my mom's case, right?"

"Right," he says softly. "But do you want me to meet with him?"

"No."

"I could go, listen to what he has to say, and if it's worthwhile stuff, I'll look into it."

She shakes her head.

"You know I have the resources to do it. Kate," he says slowly, leaning in over the counter. "You won't have to know anything. Or I can tell you pieces. Or I can tell you, no, it's not even worth it."

She fiddles with the fork, biting her lower lip. "Castle." She heaves a huge sigh, and her head lifts, her eyes gleaming with the beginnings of fear. "If you - if you're in it, then I'm in it?"

"No. This is my thing. I started this - years ago - I was the one who opened things back up, Kate, and put it out there again. I didn't know what I was doing, but that doesn't excuse it. I apologized then, but this is a way to really make up for it. I want to at least you give you the chance to see it closed."

She drops the fork onto her plate and studies him; he can see the depths of her fear, her frustration, and her longing, all of it. She glances back down to her hand, traces her fingers along the edge of the gauze.

"Okay, Castle. You meet with him. But. I don't want to know."

"Okay," he says quietly. "I won't say a word."

"No, well, tell me when you're going, and where, but after that-"

He gives her a gentle smile, comes back around the counter to embrace her, arms tight, lifting her from the seat a little bit. "I'll be safe; you'll know where I am. We'll meet in public. And if he gives me something, I'll see where it goes. If he gives me nothing-"

"I'm going to assume he gives you nothing, Castle, because he's a dying man who thinks this is his last shot at redemption. And I'm not interested in whatever crooked cop stuff he wants to unload. So you don't tell me, either way."

"You got it, Kate," he says, and presses his mouth to hers, softly, showing her his devotion, his gentle care towards her. He won't do a thing to hurt her; he'd never let her drown in this again.

She pushes on his shoulder with one hand until he backs off; her eyes are still swirling with too many thoughts, but she gives him a slight smile.

"I love you," she murmurs, her hand sliding up to his neck. "And I love this life you've given me. Don't let either of us do anything to ruin it."

"Never gonna happen," he insists. And it won't. It can't. The way this is with them - it's not pride, it's not blind ignorance - he knows how easily things fall apart. But this is different - this is Kate - and this is the one thing he knows how to do right - be with Kate.

* * *

Beckett stares at the board and rubs a finger over the tendon in her forehead, over and over, like Castle does sometimes to her. As if she can call up his help on this.

She is tempted to call. She sent him a picture of the murder board with salient details in a text over two hours ago but he hasn't called her back. He's probably picking up the kids, actually, but that makes this harder, not easier.

Her hand is killing her. She popped a couple of aleve earlier, and the resulting drug haze has helped, but she still feels funny after the pain killers last night. She's glad Castle called in for her. She couldn't possibly have even gotten out of bed, let alone think intelligently about their case, never mind go after a suspect.

Kate glances at the time and then sweeps her eyes over the bullpen. As she expected, Esposito is still at his desk on the phone. She gets his attention and points to her watch; he turns his back on her to keep talking.

Ryan left an hour ago, and Esposito was supposed to as well.

He turns back around, cradles the phone, stands up to her.

"An hour ago, Espo. And if Lanie gets home before you-"

"Yeah, yeah, she caught a body."

"They might let her go anyway," Kate warns.

"True. But I can't leave you here."

"I'm good; Castle has the kids. This is her first, Espo. Go."

"Castle coming to pick you up?"

"No," she huffs at him, shoving on his shoulder. "Now leave, Tio."

He gives her a once-over, but she holds her ground.

"Go," she says firmly.

"You'll be right behind me?"

"Of course." Not.

He narrows his eyes at her, but he gathers his stuff, shrugs on his coat. "Fine. But Lanie will be equally displeased if I leave you here still working the case. So get your stuff. You're coming too."

"But I-"

"No. Not-uh. Don't make me call Writer Boy."

She glares back.

"Warrants come through in the morning," he reminds her.

Early start, yeah. Damn. Okay. And if they leave now, then she can give the kids a bath. "Fine."

But she's not even mad, not really. She just needed someone to tell her there was nothing more to be done.

Now she can go.


	11. Chapter 11

"Ella, sweetheart, enough." Kate reaches out to push on Ellery's forehead so that the girl moves away from her father with the lizard. "Leave Daddy alone."

Castle shoots her a grateful look and pulls the mac and cheese off the burner. She uses her right hand to shepherd the kids out of the kitchen.

"How about we all sit down at the table and wait for Daddy to finish, okay, guys?"

Ella, still cradling Lincoln, clambers up into her chair and gets to her knees, her hair swinging in her face. "Mommy, I have milk?"

"Yeah, baby. I'll get you some milk. Dash?"

The boy is still haunting her side like a sad little ghost; he bumps his head against her hip and wraps his arms around her leg.

"Okay, kiddo. Water or milk for dinner?" She leans over, arm bent to keep her bandaged hand away, and hugs him around the neck.

"Milk," he murmurs into her leg, clinging tighter.

"Dash, you gotta let me go so I can get your milk."

"No."

Castle nudges her in the back, nods down at Dash. "I got the milk."

Kate wraps her fingers around Rick's forearm, gives him a squeeze, and then crouches down next to Dashiell. His face is still sorrowed, even though he looks like he's trying to battle it back.

"Hey, no more rain clouds, my man." She strokes the hair back from his forehead and kisses both of his cheeks. "It's a sunny day."

"It's night time," he says, working his mouth into a frown.

She huffs a laugh at him and wraps both arms around his thin torso, staggering upright with her son against her. He's heavy - he's five years old - but she swings him around, heading towards the dining room table.

Kate drops him in front of his chair, winks at Ellery. "It is technically night time. But. We're all having dinner together, and Mommy didn't have to make it-"

"Hey now," Castle calls out.

Kate lifts her eyebrows at him with a grin, then pulls out Dash's chair and sits down, dragging her son into her lap with one hand. "And Dash, you got to do so much at preschool today - I saw the picture you made for me, and it's beautiful."

"It's a get well card."

"You did a great job. I'm already getting well."

"You are?" Dash squirms in her lap to turn around and look at her, feet dangling off the chair. "It doesn't hurt no more?"

"Any more," Castle corrects, heading towards the table with two glasses of milk. "Doesn't hurt any more. Does it, Kate?"

"It - uh, not as much," she hedges. "Do you want to see it, Dash? Because it's not that big a deal. It just has to stay wrapped up to keep it clean and wet."

"Ew. Wet," Ellery says, wrinkling her nose.

"Look who's talking," Castle shoots back, passing his hand over her head and making her duck. "The girl holding the lizard at the dinner table."

"Him a dragon."

"Him a lizard," Dash says, leaning back from Kate's lap to argue with his sister.

"Dash," she admonishes.

He sighs. "Can I see it? Is it all gross and bubbly?"

Kate presses her lips together and lifts accusing eyes to Castle. Gross and _bubbly_?

"I swear," he says, holding up his hands as he backs away towards the kitchen. "No idea. Haven't even watched ninja movies in-"

"Ages," Dash complains. "You promised a new ninja movie last week. You said Elektra."

"Even if it is Elektra-" she glares at Castle again because he apparently thought if it was Elektra, she'd be okay with it. "No more violent movies, boys," Kate scolds, reaching out to flick Dash's ear.

"Apples, apples," he moans, clapping a hand over his ear.

Kate startles, laughing at him, and glances over to Castle. The big idiot is grinning back at her, so pleased with himself.

"Stop teaching our son your little tricks."

"You have a thing for ears," he says, dishing out mac and cheese on everyone's plates. "I'm just giving Dash a good defense."

"Apples worked, Dad," Dash says with a grin. The first smile Kate's seen out of him since she came home from work. And even though it's at her own expense - she'll take it.

"Still a rain cloud, baby?" she says softly.

Dash shrugs at her, wriggling on her lap. "Maybe partly to mostly cloudy."

"How can we get some sunshine in here?" she murmurs, tapping on his chest with two fingers. It's her bandaged hand, and Dashiell touches her arm carefully, his eyes hesitant.

"I can - I can see it?"

"Yeah. Let me unwrap it. And no, it's not gross. It looks - too red maybe. Like a bad sunburn."

"Like when Dad was at the beach."

"Exactly."

"I can see?" Ellery asks, leaning against the table. Kate notices she's left Abe near her milk, but the lizard doesn't move. The thing never moves. Not much of a dragon.

"Hey, can I see?" Castle says, bringing the kids' plates with him.

Kate rolls her eyes at him - he wrapped her hand this morning, so he's already seen it. "Yes. Everyone can see."

She peels the surgical tape from the end, bites back the wince as it pulls on her arm hair, then unwinds the end of the gauze. Dashiell's head comes down to inspect, and Kate has to scoot her chair back so she can see around him.

"Give Mom some room," Castle says, tugging on Dash's shoulder. The boy sits up, and Kate unravels the bandage until her palm is open to the air.

It's shiny with raw skin and liberal amounts of aloe. It actually doesn't look as great as she expected - a little more on the gross and bubbly side than she hoped.

Dash's little fingers come out to cradle her hand in his; before she can stop him, he's bowed over her hand to kiss it better.

Kate closes her eyes and endures it until Dash lifts his head; she smiles back at him as best she can when he grins at her, but her heart is pounding, the pain like fire up her arm.

"I kissed it better, Momma," he says, so proud of himself.

Castle groans. "Oh man. Dash-"

Kate silences him with a quick look and uses her good hand to cradle Dash's cheek, her thumb wiping the smudge of aloe off his skin. "Thank you. Already feels better." She leans in and kisses his forehead, the pain flickering slowly out.

"Okay," Castle says gently. "Let Mommy up so she can go change the bandage. Dinner's ready for you guys."

Dash climbs off of her and Ellery sinks back in her chair. Lincoln is hanging out by Ella's milk and she strokes her finger over the lizard's beard before digging into her little pile of salad, eating each piece of lettuce one by one.

She feeds some to her baby dragon too, but Lincoln's not showing much interest.

"Come on, Kate," Rick says, his fingers at her neck. "I'll help you clean it and wrap it again."

Dash reclaims his chair and Kate follows Castle, her hand throbbing as they pass through their bedroom and into the bathroom.

"Hurt?" he murmurs softly.

She nods. "I might - I hate to say this, but maybe I can take half a pain pill tonight?"

Castle sighs, reaches out to carefully take her hand. He flips it over to study her palm in the brighter light of the bathroom. "It looks pretty clean still. I can't believe you let him kiss it."

"He did it before I could even think to stop him."

"You did good though, Mommy," he says softly, fingers curled at her elbow now, holding her hand away from them. "Not a bit of it on your face. He thinks he helped."

She sighs and leans into Castle, her cheek to his shoulder. "Sometime it's a battle to keep him from getting sad. I wasn't about to lose this one."

Castle's hand slides up her back. "He did okay, today. I asked Ms Kim to look out for him and she said he was happy and having fun. He got home though, and dinner reminded him."

Kate nods. She knows that's all it is, but her little man is just so sensitive to the people he loves.

Honestly, it's Castle's heart with all of Kate's obsessions. And she hates that for the kid.

* * *

When Kate comes into Dash's bedroom, he's jumping on the bed. Lying on top of the comforter, poor Rex is looking disgruntled, staring at Kate with these plaintive eyes, so she comes over to Dash's side and stops him with a hand.

"What're you doing, buddy?"

"I gotta jump. I need the jumping, Momma."

"Yeah, I know, but maybe you could let Rex get down first. Dogs aren't a fan of this kind of jumping."

"Oh. He's not a fan?"

Kate grins back at him, Dash and his love of puns, and pokes the boy in the chest before dragging him off the bed with an arm wrapped around his chest. "Let your dog have some peace."

"Come on, T-Rex," Dash calls over his shoulder, finding his feet as Kate lets him down.

Rex gets up eagerly and bounds off the bed, wagging his tail and nudging Kate in the thigh with his head. He's picked that up from the kids, she swears he has. She carefully scratches at his ears with the fingertips of her left hand.

"Ok, baby. Jump away." She tweaks Dashiell's ear to get him going and he clambers back up on his bed to resume his jumping. "I'm gonna say good night to your sister, then come back for you. How much time do you think you need?"

"Lots of time," he says on a giggle, his hair flopping in his eyes as he jumps.

"Lots of time, huh. All right. But you gotta be quiet; I don't want Ellery sneaking out of bed to join you again."

"Okay, Momma. I can be quiet."

She reaches out and lets her fingers skim his chest as he bounces, then turns and heads for his door. She meets Castle in the hallway just coming out of Ellery's room.

"She's five seconds away from crashing," he says, tugging her by the elbow as he moves around her for Dash's room.

Kate stops him with a hand on his chest. "He's jumping. Give him a few minutes."

"Ah, okay. Let me clean up dinner then."

"I'll be done in a few to help-"

"And take a pill."

"Half a pill."

He grins and kisses her cheek. "Too bad. I like goofy, druggy Kate."

"Sweaty Kate, Angry Kate, Soapy Kate - you like all the Kates," she mutters. "Hardly a compliment."

He laughs at that, and releases her, heading for the stairs. Before she can open Ella's door, Castle stops and turns around, calling her name softly.

She glances at him.

"I don't like Scared Kate," he says quietly. "And I don't like Insecure Kate much either."

She melts a little, his soft words easing her away from the edge of her son's sensitivity, stepping back from the guilt and the worry that so easily claims her when it comes to her kids.

"Thanks," she says back, and she knows he can see it, the change in her, because he nods and heads down the stairs.

She opens Ella's door to say good night, hoping her baby girl hasn't fallen asleep yet.

* * *

"Hmmm..."

Castle laughs at her and slides his hand under her neck in bed, curls his fingers up and watches her float in and out of consciousness. Her lashes flutter and she stares at the ceiling, then turns her head and looks at him.

God, the love in her eyes still knocks him over.

"Kate," he breathes in and can't help turning on his side to draw her into his arms. She doesn't help him much, but she doesn't struggle out of his embrace either.

"I'm sleepy," she mumbles.

"Yeah. It's only ten, though."

"That why you're not tired?"

"Babe, I'm not tired because I wasn't the one who took half a pain pill."

"You could tranq an elephant with those pills, Castle."

He laughs softly into her hair, presses a gentle kiss to that spot in front of her ear. "I think you just called me an elephant."

She hums and wriggles her shoulders. "That's okay. My favorite animal."

Castle smiles at that and draws his hand up her spine, tangles his fingers in the hair at the back of her neck, kisses her cheek, and then her jaw. Her left hand is cradled against her chest, and he dips his head to brush his lips over her fingertips.

"You're my favorite animal," she laughs, the last of it coming out on a sigh.

"Hey," he says, nudging her. "Before you go. Tomorrow is the retirement party."

"Yeah..."

"How're you going to get everything together with your hand?"

"Mm, figure it out tomorrow." She sighs again, wriggles her hips against his. "I'll be good."

"All right. Your deal, babe."

"Ya think I'm a babe?" she says, her chuckle vibrating at his chest. "A hot babe?"

"Definitely," he says, smirking at her. "And loopy too. But for sure hot."

"I suddenly got old. OldKate. Did I get old?"

He laughs, and her eyes are closed, like she's not even aware she's speaking. "Kate, love, you're not old. You're not even as old as I was when Dash was born. Was I old then?"

"Yeah. Kinda an old man."

"You're so mean," he laughs. "Calling me names."

"You're the one calling me names."

"Only because I looooove you," he sing-sings, grinning as she cracks open an eye and peers at him like he's the one under the influence. "Babe."

"You're crazy."

"This is what you get. A crazy old man. But you are not old, Kate Beckett Castle. You're sexy as hell, even when you're half-conscious."

"Unh," she moans, bringing her arm up to hook around his shoulder, her injured palm resting lightly at his tshirt. "You make me hot for you with just words, and it's so not fair because I'm half out of it and the lust just takes right over, like a flash."

He groans back, dips his head to meet her, breathing hard against her mouth. "Kate. You can't - jeez, you can't talk like that. I'm trying to be good here."

Her lashes move against his forehead and then she's drawing a knee up and sliding it between his legs. "Let's do this."

He laughs at that, pulls his head back from her face to look her in the eyes. Closed eyes, like she's already gone. "Let's do _this_? What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I want you." Her lashes slide apart and unfurl one of the most amazing, sensual, drowning looks he's ever gotten from her. "You feel good, so good. I feel good."

"I bet you do. I'm afraid you'd fall asleep on me though, and my ego wouldn't survive."

"I'd fall asleep under you more like it."

He laughs and presses his mouth to hers, silencing her. She talks dirty when she's loosened up like this. He's not sure he can take that, and he doesn't want her to hurt her hand trying to - well, do this.

"Kate, sleep."

"Yeah, I might. Might have to. But you stay. You feel good. Do what you like."

"I wasn't going anywhere," he says softly. "And that's a little gross, babe. Fondle you in your sleep?"

"Mm-hmm, hasn't stopped you before." She hums again, and her secret smile drifts across her face.

He kisses her again, softly, and rubs his thumb at her neck. "Love you, babe."

"Love you too, old man."

He brushes the hair back from her temple but she's already asleep, even with that smirking self-satisfied grin on her face.


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't think I should be allowed any more of those," she growls at him. "What did I say?"

"You don't remember any of it?"

He's woken her up with this huge, smarmy grin on his face, and she really doesn't like that. She must have said some silly stuff. "I don't - I think I remember something about an elephant. Huh, did I call you an elephant?"

He chuckles and kisses her neck, humming against her skin, and her body lights up for him, just that fast.

"You did. It was kinda cute."

She hates cute. "Tell me what I said."

"You kinda put the moves on me," he mumbles, his mouth trailing down the column of her throat.

She gives out a breathy laugh, curls an arm around his shoulders. Sometimes he does this in the morning, and it doesn't go anywhere, he just likes being lazy with his mouth all over her, and she's really - oh really not complaining.

"Did it get very far?" she murmurs back, fingers lightly skirting his spine.

His hand slips under her shirt. "No. You fell asleep."

She groans at that, the sound cut short by her quick intake as his hand skims her belly. "You gonna go very far now?"

He presses his palm to her ribs, a hard kiss to her sternum. "Nah. Just gonna get you back a little."

She chuckles and draws her knee up, content to let him mess around with her this morning. Saturday. Dash has television in his room and Ella's out for as long as her parents will let her sleep, so Kate can luxuriate in the-

Her phone rings violently on the bedside table. She arches against Castle, but he doesn't let her up, of course not, his mouth soft and clever for a moment more. Too many times this has happened for him to actually stop in the middle of something - oh, oh so good.

He presses a warm, lingering kiss to her mouth, then grabs her phone with a glance at the caller ID. But it's the funeral dirge - his idea, that ringtone - so she knows the precinct is on the other end.

He answers; she's grateful. She has to catch her breath after that.

"Yeah. I'll tell her. Can we have an hour?"

She slaps at his shoulder, Castle grinning wickedly.

"Got it." He hangs up, drops her phone on the bedside table even as it vibrates with a text, then comes back for her mouth, soft brushes of his lips that make her want to take all of that hour.

She's learned not to rush him; she's learned to trust his judgment. If it's a case that needs her presence immediately, he tells her; he'd let her up and push her into the shower himself. But he's taking his time, waking them both up with the awareness of his mouth. She loves the hot trail of his lips, nuzzling under her shirt, his fingers making circles.

When he pulls back, she's only a little worked up, her fingers at the back of his neck, her legs tangled with his, and the weight of him on top of her the best painkiller.

"That was Ryan. He said you have an hour. He texted the address." His smile is warm and indulgent, and she likes making him look so lazy, so content.

"He say what we got?"

"Shooting victim. Possible mugging."

"Mm, hopefully I can knock this out before tonight," she says, but of course, she doesn't believe that will happen.

Castle's face clears suddenly. "Oh no. I forgot."

"What?"

"I have those stupid meetings at Black Pawn. Creatives Consultation. Oh, damn."

"Take the kids to your mother's," she says easily. "Or - well, Allie said she's not that busy, but-"

"No, yeah I can take them to my mother, but the meeting is late this afternoon. You'll have to pick them up in time for the party, because I'll be late."

She chews on her lower lip for a second then nods at him. "I can do that."

"Kate."

"No, no. I'll have to. I've got to set up the bar too, remember? So I'll have to be out of the 12th by five."

"With the kids hanging around?"

"I can do it. You mind if I let them play in your office?"

"Don't let Dash go through the secret door."

"You didn't teach him how to do that, did you?" she groans, throwing a hand over her eyes. It will be so much harder if she has to supervise the kids down there-

"No, I didn't teach him. He figured it out. He's a smart kid."

"He's a relentless kid," she grumbles. "But okay, okay. Lift up. I need to shower."

He kisses her nose and raises up, sliding out of bed. "I'll get your coffee, bring Dash downstairs so you can say good-bye."

* * *

It used to be incongruous, kissing her son at the door, his arms thrown around her neck, then that long, luscious kiss from her husband afterwards (or quick and dirty, or just plain distracted), and then going to a murder scene. It used to jar her so badly that she had to use the elevator ride down to the lobby as a moment to wipe it all out of her mind.

She doesn't do that anymore, doesn't need to. Maybe it's because Dash is five and he thinks the dead bodies are so cool and then he and Castle team up against her trying to pry details out of her, or maybe it's because she's just able to compartmentalize her life better. But in either case, she drives the Crown Vic to the scene and takes the long walk up to the yellow tape without needing to shift gears.

She's already there, already able to work.

Lanie is shooting Esposito dagger eyes; the pregnancy stuff has brought Javier's machismo to a raging, solicitive _crazy_, and even Ryan is telling him to knock it off. Beckett takes Lanie aside to look at the body, shooing both the boys away behind the woman's back.

She can feel Esposito glaring at her; she ignores him.

* * *

She gets a video text at ten o'clock; she was expecting it. The phone burns in her pocket until she can get a free moment, sneaking off behind the victim's apartment building on the way to her car as she checks her phone.

It's Ellery, hair mussed and eyes wide and blue. She tilts her head, that slow, not-quite-awake smile. "Morning, Mommy. I love you." A pleased look, a glance offscreen, and Kate can hear Castle murmuring to her, _Good job, cricket._ And then Castle's face, his adorable wink, and the video is done.

She texts him back a thank you, debates video-chatting with her kids on the drive back. . .

No, work on the case. Get it done.

* * *

She video chats at lunch, shoveling the salad down her throat as fast as she can while she listens to Dashiell whine about the lizard. When he pauses for breath, she takes the moment to jump in.

"Baby, that's Ellery's pet. You love Rex the same way Ella loves Linc. You need to respect that and be flexible about having the lizard around."

In the background, she hears Ellery _yelling._ "Dragon! My dragon!"

"Sorry, dragon." She rolls her eyes and winks as Dash, which she knows sends a mixed message about _respect_, but seriously. It's a lizard.

"Momma, can I take my video games to Gram's?"

"What did Dad say?"

"He said to ask you," Dash pouts, already knowing the answer.

"Then no. Gram is fun. You love it at her apartment. She'll play Hamlet with you. And let you guys dress up in her costumes."

"But I'm almost at the next level-"

"Then definitely no. No more video games today. Daddy-" She calls out for Castle, but she can already see Dashiell picking up the ipad and running away with it. Sneaky little punk. "I'm texting your father, Dashiell Alexander."

His shoulders slump; she thinks he's in the hallway leading down to their bedroom. It's dark, so it's hard to see him, but he slowly begins walking back to the living room.

Where Ellery waits; Kate groans as she sees the look on the girl's face the moment before they start fighting over the ipad.

She ends the connection and calls Castle to jump in and mediate. Preferrably before her ipad is busted.

* * *

It's just going to have to be like this. She can't solve them all.

Random mugging. She can feel it in her guts. There's no personal motive; wallet was gone. A withdrawal of cash from his ATM after he was shot, nearly four hundred dollars. The face on the ATM's camera is hidden from view, but there's a tattoo on his neck.

They'll keep searching, of course. But she has little expectation of finding. It'll grow cold in a week or two, get boxed up, the details in their database for the next time Tattoo shows up.

She taps the dry erase marker against the desk and studies the board anyway.

* * *

Yesterday was her late day, which means today is his. At least, that's how it seems to go for them. He's got his meeting now, so she's getting the kids from Martha's.

A last kiss on the cheek, Martha vowing to be at the Old Haunt in a couple hours herself, and then Kate is herding the kids to the car, not happy she had to go home to switch out the Crown Vic for the Audi.

But she can't put the kids' seats in the Crown Vic.

She grabs Dashiell by the chin with one hand, squeezing his cheeks, and plants a huge kiss on his face. Because he hates it. Absolutely hates it. And she's just perverse enough to get a kick out of embarrassing him. She is going to be ruthless when he's a too-cool teenager.

Ellery is practically climbing her leg now for attention. Kate leans over and scoops her up, kisses her too. "How's my girl?"

She gets a kiss in return and some precious words, but it sounds like a mash-up of French and Croatian and English. That's been the result of their immersion teaching so far, this odd little creole. Kate wouldn't put it past Ellery to invent her own language.

"Okay, we've got the party at Daddy's bar tonight, remember? Dinner there. So get in, get in."

Dashiell jumps in quickly, chattering about throwing stars and sneakiness and martial arts training. It's all she hears lately, though it's a step up from being constantly inundated with dinosaur facts. But Castle so isn't helping on the sneaky thing.

In fact, he's been sneaking around himself. And she's not sure why. It's not about the ring; he's dragged his feet on that, but he's been blatantly obvious about it. She just has this feeling he's planning something.

She checks Dash's seatbelt with a tug, swings Ella into her carseat and fastens her in as well. She slams both doors on her way around to the driver's side, gets in. She has no idea what they're going to do when Martha leaves for summer stock. Her dad lives too far out for a Saturday afternoon and Allie and Rafe will be building their life together-

Think about it later. Not now. This works for now.

She drives through five o'clock rush hour traffic, biting her lip to keep from getting seriously annoyed. She checks her father's watch and debates with herself over the timing. If they stop at the loft, the kids will scatter the second they get in the door, no matter what Kate says.

No, best to drive straight to the Old Haunt.

Her phone vibrates but it's a text, so she glances down, calls Castle back instead.

"Hey, sorry, Kate. I can't-"

"I know. I got the first message. I'm in the car with the kids."

"On the way to the bar?"

"Yup. Is everything there?"

"Yeah. It's catered - you shouldn't have to do a thing but maybe help the guys decorate?"

"The boys are still at the precinct."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Your mother said she'd come help in a few."

"Ah, well. She's got to make herself presentable. Might take longer than you think. But it's up to you."

Hm. Is it worth it? "We'll see. It might be easier than I expect."

"You're so lucky you went with being a cop. You would have sucked as a society wife," he laughs.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Wasn't planning on being a wife either, Castle. Society or not. But at least I landed the white whale," she hums, laughing at him.

He grunts at that - he had no idea about what they were calling him behind his back on the charity circuit. She likes to rub it in every once in a while, and then of course, he calls her Ahab and it gets ugly.

"You'd have been a society wife whether you wanted to or not. Your dad told me you had a coming out party. Complete with white dress and-"

"Remind me to strangle him later."

Castle laughs again, then sighs. "I gotta go, babe. This meeting is murder. Come arrest it. Or me. Ooh, come arrest me, sexy detective."

"Castle. You sound ridiculous. Get the meeting done, come to the party. Then we'll talk about who gets arrested later tonight."

"Mm, promises, promises, Kate Beckett."

* * *

His wife looks good for single-handedly pulling off this retirement party, and with just one hand - so it works as a pun. He'll have to remember that one; maybe Dash will like it. Or not. Dash is still sensitive about Kate's injured hand.

Castle loosens his tie and unbuttons the top button, slides his other hand around her neck to pull her into him for a kiss that's long and cool.

He sighs against her mouth, pulls back, sees her smirk. She looks amazing in this blue, clinging, v-neck sweater layered over a grey camisole. Her eyes look - of course not blue, no, but there are hints of color to the brown that make him think of those delicate, fierce blue flowers that grow between the cracks in the sidewalk.

Huh, late meetings about Felix make him maudlin.

She leans in and kisses him again, less intense but no less loving. "How was the meeting?"

"Long. Boring. Counter-productive," he sighs, then glances down at his tie with a laugh. "Hey, how'd we do this again?"

Kate smooths her hand over his grey dress shirt; the blue of his tie matches her sweater. Her grey dress pants could be the same as his own. He smirks at her and she shakes her head. "Your fault. You watched me get dressed this morning."

"And it was nice, so nice. Baby blue panties, so soft-"

She laughs and tugs on his ear with narrowed eyes.

"Thanks for getting the kids," he murmurs, finally glancing around the bar to take in the people, the decorations, the party in full swing. "Looks great. My mother show up to help?"

She snorts, but sighs and nods at him. "Your mother did a lot of this. Why? Didn't think I could do it?"

"I know you couldn't," he retorts, his hand going lightly around her forearm, bringing her injured palm up between them. "You're maimed. You-"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep that up and see if you get lucky tonight."

"You promised," he whines, nibbles on her ear as he curls his palm around her neck, crowding closer to her warmth in the tight confines of the party near the bar.

"Made no such promise," she murmurs back, barely audible.

"So make it now," he growls, touches his tongue to the skin he likes the best, slightly salty with sweat, musky with her perfume or lotion - something, and spiced by the long day.

"Can't make promises I won't keep," she teases, then slides away, truly a vixen, eyes dark and promising anyway. "Gonna have to take half a pain pill-"

"That can be fun too." He grins at her, moves to catch her mouth, but gets tackled by a little body.

He bends down and scoops up Ellery, kissing her instead. "Hey there, cricket. Happy to see me?"

"I want my dragon," she says with a sigh. "You go get him?"


	13. Chapter 13

Castle stands at the bar with Dash, the kid up on a chair and leaning his hands on top of the counter, jumping up and down.

"And then, Dad, hey, Dad? Then the bad guy does a high kick and the ninja falls - ahhhhh-"

Castle shares a look with Ryan across the bar; the detective shakes his head. "Hey, Dash, my man. Ian and Collin are here. I bet they'd love to play with you."

Dash interrupts his latest ninja story to glance at Uncle Kevin, then his eyes slide back to his father, assessing. "But I want to make drinks with Dad."

"You can do that," Castle assures him. "But if Ian finds you, he's gonna want to play nerf guns downstairs."

"I can play nerf guns?"

"With Ian and Collin, sure."

"But I can make drinks with you first?" Dash straightens up from the counter and reaches his hand out for his father's shoulder, leaning in.

Castle wraps his arm around him, resists giving the kid a kiss in public. Not cool anymore. "You can always stay with me." Over Dash's shoulder, Castle gives Ryan a look, hoping the guy will understand. Dashiell is still a little shaken over the accident.

The boy leans back with a flush on his cheeks, pride and embarassment both probably, and he reaches out for another maraschino cherry, pops it into his mouth. "Uncle Kevin, can you tell Ian'n'Collin I'll play nerf guns later?"

"Sure, kid. They'll be fine with that. You're doing a good job here. So what happened to the ninja after that high kick?"

Castle hands a gin and tonic over to a detective at the bar, reaches past Dashiell for a bottle, half-listening to the story. He finds Kate's figure near the back booths, her hand on her hip, the injured one close to her side; she looks warm and happy, and her face turns towards the light, her eyes catch his.

If it's even possible, when she smiles at him, she glows - all lit up from the inside - and he knows he's reflecting it back like a moon to her sun.

"Dad, hey Dad, what happens if a ninja uses all this throwing stars and doesn't got 'em any more?"

He turns back to his son and reaches out to ruffle the kid's hair, palming his scalp and pushing down. Dash laughs and hangs on to his father's wrist, squirming under the deep pressure, loving it.

"Don't know, my man. Maybe he fights his way to where his throwing stars got stuck and pulls them out."

"Oh. Yeah! That's a smart ninja. Hey, Dad? When we do our guns, can we pretend to be ninjas too?"

Castle pokes him in the forehead. "Hush. That's between you and me. Initiation day is tomorrow while the girls are out."

Dashiell beams at him, his chest puffing with pride. "Just you and me."

"That's right, my man. Just you and me."

* * *

Lanie leans back against the booth and Kate slides down next to her, nudging her friend's shoulder.

"You okay?"

"It is so not fair that when _you_ get pregnant, you look serene and amazing, and I'm only six weeks, and I look bloated and miserable."

Kate presses her lips together to keep from laughing. "You're only remembering the last one. I was plenty miserable-looking with Dash."

"That's only because you were miserable. Not because you were pregnant."

"I had heartburn the whole time with Ella."

"You didn't even look pregnant from the back, you and your skinny ass." Lanie grumbles but she's still smiling.

"You don't look miserable," Kate says, sliding her arm through Lanie's in the booth. "Far from it."

"Yeah? Then why is everyone asking me if I'm okay? You included?"

Kate grimaces. "I plead the fifth?"

"Mommy!"

Lanie startles so badly at Ellery's sudden shout that Kate knows the ME is thinking about it, too hard maybe, but definitely caught up in the whole motherhood thing. She's glad for her friend.

"Mommy, I wanna make drinks too," Ellery whines, reaching up for Kate.

Her mother helps her up with one hand, settles the girl in her lap. "Cricket, I think this is something just for Dash and Daddy."

"But I want cherries too." Ella pouts, her bottom lip tucked into her teeth, her blue eyes soulful, just as Esposito comes over.

"I'll get you some cherries," Espo says, leaning over to kiss Ellery's cheek. "I'll get you all the cherries you want, Suri."

"Yeah, you will?" Ella breathes out, blinking at Javier and bringing two hands up to his face to kiss him back. "You bring me cherries, Tio?"

"Of course. I'll get them right now. Wait here, chiquita."

Esposito hurries off and Kate turns to Lanie. Her friend is rolling her eyes, but Kate can tell how pleased she is.

"Uh-huh, that man is gonna spoil your kid rotten," Kate murmurs, brushing her right hand through Ellery's hair to pull it back from her face.

"Only if it's a girl. If it's a boy, God help him, because Javi's gonna make him into a man. Hell or high water. Oh, oops. Heck or high water?"

Kate laughs at that, shaking her head. "No, you'd be surprised what it does. The girl? Oh you know how that goes down, every time. Just like that." She gestures between Ellery and Javier, smirking at Lanie. "But a boy - there's all these secret rituals and man stuff going on lately."

"Mommy, initiation day is tomorrow," Ella pipes up, twisting her head around to look at her mother.

"Initiation day?" Kate asks, confused. Where did Ellery even learn that word?

"I not know," Ella says on a sigh. "Not for little babies."

Kate hides her smile and embraces the girl in comfort. "You're not a baby, not at all. Dash tell you that?"

"He say not for little babies."

"Maybe he just means you have to be five to do it."

"When I'm five, I do initiation day?"

"I - I don't know. Um, yes. Sure. We'll figure it out."

"Oh goodie," Ellery sighs and wriggles her bottom into Kate's lap, her bones sharp against her mother's thighs.

Esposito comes back with a cupful of maraschino cherries and hands them over, sliding into the booth across them. Ellery dives into the cup and uses her tongue to roll a cherry around until she can get at it, suck it into her mouth, lips staining red. Kate sighs and shifts Ella off her lap, gets up.

"Okay, I gotta go find Castle and have him explain initiation day. You guys got her?"

Lanie beams and strokes her hand over Ellery's hair. "We so have her."

"Not to keep," Ellery says, giving Lanie a face. "You not keep me."

Javier reaches out over the table and tickles Ellery's neck. "Who says we can't keep you?"

Ella stands up in the booth, reaches out to hook her fingers in Kate's sweater. "Mommy say. Mommy say you not keep me." She glances up at Kate with fierce little eyes. "Mommy say it."

Kate smirks, hesitating. "I don't know. . ."

Ellery slides a glance back to Tio and Lanie, as if actually measuring them up for her future home.

Kate leans over and grabs her chin, kisses her hard on the cheek. "Never baby. You're stuck with me and Daddy and Dash."

"And T-Rex and Abe Lincoln."

"Whoa, wait. Who is Abe Lincoln?" Lanie says, lifting her eyebrows and shooting a curious glance to Kate's stomach.

"No!" Kate laughs, presses her hand flat to her abs. "No, no. Ella, baby, tell Tio and Tia all about Abe Lincoln, okay? I think Tia would love to hear about him. But be careful when you tell Tio, because he might get scared."

Esposito narrows his eyes at her. "You go."

She smirks and heads back for the bar.

* * *

"I never thought it would come to this," she says quietly, eyeing her Captain with a face she knows holds too much emotion.

He gets gruff, of course, and she has to look away, her vision taking in the _so long_ banners, the huge cake that says Happy Retirement, The Old Haunt decked out for the party. Kid-friendly now, when maybe something like this ten years ago with these people would have been entirely different. It's not a night out drinking at Rick's bar, but a Saturday with the little ones running around.

Kate presses her hand to her stomach and bites her lip, then finally lets her gaze drift back to Captain Montgomery.

Former Captain.

Now just Uncle Mo.

"How's Evelyn taking it?"

"She's delighted, of course."

"She always wanted you to retire."

"Yes, she did," he smiles slowly, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "We're finally getting that vacation."

"Ooh, she told me. Two weeks in Jamaica. Amazing."

"Yeah. Actually, we might stay longer. She's got relatives there," Montgomery says, and there's a look on his face that makes Kate nervous, suddenly, makes her search the room for her kids.

Dashiell is still behind the bar with Rick, standing on a chair and shaking a tumbler, a huge smile splitting his face. Kate never did make it over to them to ask about initiation day tomorrow. She spots Ella now dancing with a couple of Ryan's kids, her skirt flaring around her knees, her face tilted up to watch the disco ball Castle hung from the ceiling. Javier and Lanie are standing with Ryan and Jenny, just watching the little group as they talk and laugh.

"Kate."

She blinks and looks back to Montgomery, sees the resignation in his eyes. "Sir?"

"I need to talk to you. You and Castle. Before I leave."

Her stomach flips over. "Now?"

"Now, Beckett."

Oh. He hasn't called her Beckett in ages.

"You're - you're leaving your retirement party early?" she asks, trying for light-hearted but hearing it fall flat.

"Gotta catch a plane tonight. I think it's for the best." Captain - Uncle Mo - sweeps the room with his eyes. "I'm going to miss you all. But I have to - there are some things you should know, Beckett."

Her mouth goes dry. "Where's Evelyn?"

"She went to the house to finish packing. I've got the other car; I'll pick her up and then we're heading for the airport."

Kate glances back to the group of kids dancing out on the floor. Uncle Mo's kids are all in college; he's got no more ties to the city. His wife has family overseas and they're going.

"Beckett. Go get Castle. Meet me downstairs."

She hears it in his voice. It's an order - one last order.

* * *

She bites her lip and makes her way slowly to the bar, her heart pounding. Rick glances up, as if sensing her, and his hands go still.

"Hey," he says softly, his smile dropping off his face. "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, glances over her shoulder to the retired Captain making his way towards the stairs. "He wants to talk to us."

"Roy?"

She nods, clears the swell of rising dread from her eyes, turns to her son. "Hey, there's my best man. Can you let Dad go so we can talk to Uncle Mo?"

"Yeah, course," he says easily, getting to his feet on the chair. She leans in to grab the back of his neck, force him close enough to kiss his cheek.

He groans, twists his face, but she laughs at him, feels lighter just for the usual look. Castle has already come around, his hand at her lower back, finger in her belt and tugging her away.

"Go find Tio and tell him to help you with the bar," Rick says.

"Dad-"

"Now."

"Yes, sir," he grumbles, but hops off the chair and heads into the crowd, looking for Esposito.

Kate immediately reaches for Rick's hand and laces her fingers through his, squeezing tightly. Her left hand is suddenly throbbing, like a premonition.

"Hey, why this?" he says, tugging her hand up between them, frowning at her.

"It just. Hit me wrong. The way he sad it. I have - a bad feeling."

"A hunch?"

"I'm not kidding, Rick."

His face wipes clean of teasing; he nods. "Okay, let's go hear what he has to say."


	14. Chapter 14

Roy Montgomery's hands are folded as if he's praying, elbows on his knees as he sits on Rick's couch. Kate studies him a moment longer and then stands up, pacing away.

It's Castle who speaks first. "You held my daughter when she was born," he growls. _You son of a bitch_seems inherent in his very tone.

Kate's heart is - is broken. That's what this is. The broken pieces are rattling around inside of her with every step she takes.

"I've left my children with you, under your supervision, and this whole time - this whole time you've been a part of this?"

Kate presses her hand to her mouth, turns her back to them.

"Beckett," Montgomery scrapes out. But she can't look. "Beckett, when you walked into the Twelfth, I felt the hand of God-"

"Don't you dare," Castle grits out. "Don't you dare bring God into this."

Kate's shoulders rise.

"But I did. It was God - he was giving me my second chance. If I could protect you the way I should have protected her-"

"Did you kill her?" Kate asks, turning around to face him. Her friend, her mentor. Her kids' grandfatherly uncle Mo. Oh God, oh God- _M__om._

"No," he says intently. "That was years later, but she died because of what the three of us did that night."

"Three of you," she says woodenly.

"Me. McCallister. And John Raglan."

"Raglan?" she whispers. "Castle-"

He's shaking his head at her, eyes flaring, and she closes her mouth but her mind is racing. He cannot go meet with Raglan, not if the man was a part of this. Not if this was how it all started, a rookie with the two cops he idolized most, running down mobsters like they were some kind of vigilantes.

"Who killed my mother, Roy." It's not a question. It's stopped being a question for a long time now. It is only the bald statement, the unanswerable plea.

"I don't know how, but he figured out what we'd done. He could have turned us all in. Instead, he demanded the ransom money in payment. He took that money to become what he is, and God forgive me, oh God forgive me, but that. . .that is my greatest sin."

"Give me his name," she gets out, fists clenched at her side, desperation so thick in her throat she could choke. "A name. You owe me that. You owe me."

"No, Kate. I give you his name. . .might as well shoot you where you stand."

Icy fear washes over her; her fingers go numb. "I need a name. I need to know, so I can protect my family. Don't do this-"

"I can't - I can't. Right now, what I've got is a tightrope - one wrong move and we all spill over. And Beckett, it is a long way down."

"Why are you telling me _any_ of this if you won't tell me the only thing that matters? The one thing in my life-"

She breaks off, lifts her eyes to the ceiling, struggling for breath. Her hands are shaking.

"I can't do this," she whispers. She pivots on her heel and strides back up the stairs, away from the stink of betrayal emanating from the one man who guided her, mentored her, fathered her when her own father was drowning-

She can't. She can't keep listening to that. He's retiring from the force and moving away and he needs to what? Unburden his soul? This isn't confessional; she isn't about to stand there and sympathize with his terrible, dark, secret-keeping, crooked career. She needs a name, just one fucking name. This has been her whole life and-

Ellery and Dashiell stand at the top of the stairs, hand in hand, expressions of twin caution.

Was. This _was_ her whole life.

"Mommy?" Ella whispers.

Kate fights the spill of tears, but can't quite manage it. Ellery is launching herself at her mother before Kate can school her features, and she's stumbles back a step as the girl hugs her around the neck, legs clamped around Kate's waist.

"It's okay," she whispers, but oh God, it's not. It's not okay, and what the hell is she supposed to do with this?

Dashiell waits until Kate can make it up the stairs and then he's wrapping his arms around his mother's hips and hanging on. Kate sinks down to her knees next to him and slides her arm around his shoulders, pressing a kiss into his temple but feeling the grief outrun her. Tears spill down her cheeks; she hides her face against her kids, glad most everyone is on the other side of the room.

"Momma," Dash whispers. "Momma, I told Ellie that you came and got Daddy and went to talk and then Ellie said it was important stuff, which always means sad stuff, and now you're crying. Did it hurt your hand?"

She bites hard on her lip in an effort to control herself, but it's no good. It's no good. She wants to run; she wants to plead with Roy to just, oh God, just somebody _tell her_ what happened to her mother, why her mother, why did this happen?

"Baby," she chokes out, turns her head to press her cheek to Ellery's, her beautiful daughter who doesn't deserve this, pauses a moment before she can try again. "Go - run down to Daddy's office and tell him, tell him you guys are coming home with me. I need to go home."

"Okay, Momma," he whispers and untangles himself from her, clomps down the steps at a run, knocking into the railing, then tumbling into the door. Loud enough to warn Castle if-

She doesn't even know. She can't understand how Roy Montgomery could be her beloved Captain for all these years, all these cases, all the ways he's stood up for her and her team, the subtle and unsubtle ways he's pushed her to be a better cop, a better detective, a better _person_, and now he's a part of the darkness that has plagued her life since her mother was murdered.

It's too much.

* * *

Castle wipes at his face and meets Roy's eyes.

"How the hell did you think this was a good idea?"

Roy flinches, but Castle doesn't even care. This man has held his family's life in his hands and has played chicken with it against the very forces of evil that murdered his wife's mother. They made a damn poster of Ellery's family and had to put Mommom in heaven, and this man - this man knew all along what happened and why. This man was neck deep in it.

"This was my last chance. Evelyn and I aren't coming back to the city."

"And you thought, what? You'd put the burden on Kate's shoulders instead?"

Roy closes his eyes, opens them with a cold steel in his gaze that reminds Castle of just how deceptively strong this man is, how he has played with their lives and they've never been the wiser.

"I told Kate because I have - I have one last thing I can give her."

Castle's heart drops like a stone.

Roy Montgomery hands him a slip of paper with an address written in tight, blocky letters.

"What is this?" Castle says harshly.

"A safety net."

A stumbling, tumbling down the stairs has Rick jerking to his feet. The door is thrown open and Dashiell runs for him, bouncing on his toes to launch himself at his father. Castle leans over, shielding the boy from the sight of his Uncle Mo, shoving the slip of paper into his pocket.

"What's up, Dash? Why-"

"Me and Ellie are going home with Mom. She said to tell you."

His guts clench. "Did - was Mom crying?"

Dash's face twists. "Yeah. Did she hurt her hand?" He ducks around Castle to see Roy, and his sorrow evaporates just like that. "Hey, Uncle Mo! You tired now!"

Roy stares at him. Castle's nostrils flare and he scoops Dashiell up, heads back for the stairs. "He retired, re-tired, buddy. And he's about to leave. I need to talk with Un - Unc - talk with him for a moment longer. You go make Mommy feel better, okay?"

Dashiell hugs him around the neck, presses his cheek against Castle's, eyelashes in for an eskimo kiss. "Dad, I am so sorry I hurt her hand."

"Hey, no, my man." Castle's rage flares up again; it takes everything in him to keep it out of his voice. His son was just starting to feel better about that, and now damn Montgomery for making Dash think Kate's sadness is his fault. "It's not Mom's hand that hurts. It's her heart."

"Her heart?"

He presses the kid into him tightly, giving him a good, deep squeeze. "Her heart. She misses her mom, and sometimes there are things that remind her, people that remind her of the bad parts. You go with Mom and you tell her that Dad loves her, and you love her, and Ellie too. And that will make her feel better."

"I can do that," Dash says proudly, beaming at him even as he wriggles to get down. Castle drops him on the third step up and glances to the top. He can see Kate's legs, Ellery's feet dangling as her mother holds her close.

Castle turns back around and confronts the shapeshifter, the changeling in their midst.

He says he's given them a safety net.


	15. Chapter 15

She keeps it together on the drive home, concentrating on Saturday night traffic patterns and careless, jaywalking pedestrians, avoiding the tourists that stop in the middle of the street and the sudden jolts in and out of lanes from the taxis.

She keeps it together for her kids in the backseat who are silent and quiet, their eyes on her.

In the garage, Kate unbuckles everyone, slides Ellery out of her carseat and into Kate's arms, cuddling her close. Ella curls at her chest, her cheek to Kate's shoulder, drawing up into her mother. It helps. The warm and quiet weight of her daughter.

Dashiell reaches up and hooks his hand in her pocket, follows at her side like a little shadow as they reach the elevators. He jolts forward on a skip to push the button, glancing back to her with a smile. She manages a smile just for him and her chest eases a little.

On the elevator, she closes her eyes and focuses on maintaining her breathing. Ellery's fingers feather at Kate's neck, dig into her mother's hair, and it helps too. Warm baby girl, smiling boy, the little ones that just want to touch, keep her close.

When they get off on their floor, Dash's hand comes back into her pocket, his fingers wriggling, and he looks up at her with a happy face. Trying. Oh, her sweet boy. He's trying to cheer her up.

Kate kneels down in the hallway and wraps both kids in her arms, kissing cheeks and noses and necks, forcing herself out of it, out of the whirl of feeling and back onto the solid ground of her love for them.

"Dad said I should cheer you up because your heart hurt," Dash whispers into her ear. His five year old fingers twirl in her hair. "Does your heart feel better, Mom?"

So grown-up, so beautiful.

"Yes. It feels much better. You guys are just what I need."

"Dad is so smart," Dash sighs, relief and pride in his voice.

"Sometimes he really is."

* * *

Kate changes out of her sweater and dress pants, her mind carefully, willfully blank. The kids are supposedly getting their pajamas on upstairs, and the distance is making her heart heavy.

She slides on an old pair of Castle's plaid pants, the bottoms cut off to fit her and ragged now, and she ties the waistband tightly. Then a white tank top is pulled over her head even as she goes in search of the kids.

Her phone vibrates on the entry table, so she steps over to it, glances at the message. Rick. She thumbs it on, unlocks the phone with her passcode, and then reads his text.

_Home safe?_

She texts him back assurances, half wishing he'd tell her something, anything, but she can't do that right now. She can't know, can't get started, can't be swallowed by it.

She leaves her phone on the entry table and starts up the stairs. She hears them whispering to each other in Dashiell's room, so she pauses in the hallway and listens in.

"Let me see it again." That's Dash, bossing his sister around as usual.

Silence.

"That's a good one, Ellie. One more time."

"I smile good."

"You do. One more."

Kate leans against the wall, eavesdropping unashamedly, not sure what they're doing, a smile flirting with her own lips to hear them.

"Yeah, I think that's good. Mom got her heart hurt, which is like when you get banged up on your knees and it's bleeding everywhere. And you need a band-aid, you know. So that's what we gotta do, be some band-aids. It's up to us to make it not hurt anymore, to make Mom be happy-"

She startles forward, sweeping into Dashiell's room and sinking to her knees in front of them. "No. That is not true," she says fiercely, hugging her kids against her. "Dashiell, it is not up to you to make me happy. Ella? You hear me?"

"But-"

"No. Remember what we talked about? When you're a rain cloud, Mom can help, Dad can help, Ella can help, but it's up to you, baby. It's you. You're the one who has to go from a rain cloud to a sunny day. And when my heart - hurts-" She swallows hard and closes her eyes against it, then leans back and stares them down. "It's up to me. You guys help, you remind me of how much I love you, and how much you love me, and that helps me. Of course it helps. And your beautiful smiles-"

Ella gives her a grin, cheeks dimpling, a hand coming up to wrap around Kate's fingers.

"Those beautiful grins do make me smile. How can I not smile back at you? But it's not up to you, Dash. It's not your job to make the sun shine."

Dash wrinkles his nose and wriggles out from her grip. "Okay."

"Do you understand?"

"I don't make the sun shine."

Oh, shit, well _that_ isn't it either. And now that song she loves to sing to them sounds entirely inappropriate - _you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, please don't take my sunshine away_ - and jeez, what has she been accidentally telling them all this time? That she needs them to be perfect little smiling kids in order for her to be happy? Well, but they do make her happy. And thats okay, that's how it should be, but they can't take on the responsibility of her _life._

She sits down in the floor and draws Ellery into her lap, stroking her fingers through the girl's hair. It's getting long, just past her shoulders, and her bangs have now grown out so that the locks tuck behind her ears. She's stopped having to push it out of her eyes so much.

Okay. Restart. "How about I explain what happened?" Kinda.

Dash tilts his head. "Like a story?"

"Yes."

"I'd like to hear it," he says, and he's got his mouth set like he's judging her. She can't help the smirk that appears because of his little-man attitude.

"Hm, okay. Sit down."

Dashiell studies the floor, then dismisses it and heads for the child's sized chair that pulls up to his desk. He brings it out and sits there instead, all serious and proper.

Kate hums and leans down to look at Ella; she's giving her brother a rolling-eyes look, as if she is so very used to this kind of lordly behavior.

"You guys know that party was for Uncle Mo?"

"Cause he's _re_tired."

Kate nods. "And Uncle Mo had something he wanted to share with me and your Daddy."

"Dad said it hurt your heart."

Arg, Castle. She's all for truth, but now how does she explain this? She doesn't - she will not let them know of betrayal. "Yes, but-" She blows out a breath and tries to rethink this. "It makes me _sad_ because Uncle Mo-"

She stops speaking, her hands carding through Ellery's hair, her eyes fixed on the leg of the chair that Dashiell sits in. She can't - there's not a way to explain.

"Uncle Mo was my - is my friend."

"My friend Sergio told me that he had to move away. That made me sad. Does Uncle Mo have to move away, just cause he's retired?"

Kate presses her lips together. "Yes." This - whatever this is - this remains between the three of them - herself, Castle, and the Captain.

Who is not her Captain any longer.

"That is sad. I like Uncle Mo," Dash sighs.

"I love Uncle Mo," Ellery says quietly. "I not want him to leave."

"Does it make your heart hurt so bad, Momma?"

"It does. I - I was crying when I saw you guys at the top of the stairs, you know, at Dad's bar? That's how sad it made me."

"I don't like it when you cry," Ella whispers.

Kate leans over the girl, hugging her tightly, kissing her cheek. "That's because you and I are the same, little cricket. But it's okay to cry. Sometimes the only way we can get the rain out of us is by crying."

"Has Dad ever cried?" Dash asks, hopping up from his chair and coming towards them.

"Yes."

"He has?"

"Don't sound so surprised. Daddy has a big heart." She reaches up and taps Dashiell's sternum. The boy claps both hands to his chest, looking so very pleased because he knows she's comparing the two of them.

"It feels better to cry sometimes," he says, giving her a look.

"It does. But then you have to wipe away your tears and keep going. Cry out the fat raindrops, let the sun come back out."

"Me and Ellie could be like. . .like wind."

Wind? "Okay."

"We - we could be blowing away the clouds so that you can see some more sun, Momma."

Kate blinks at him, feels the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes and has to reach out her hand to collar him around the neck so she can kiss him.

He groans and squirms away, but drops to the floor with her and Ellery, swiping at his mouth where she kissed him.

She feels her lips curling in a smile as she regards her firstborn. Such a struggle with him, for him, _about_ him, and look what beautiful results. How did she get such great kids?

"Okay, so let's do bedtime in the big bed," she says quickly, standing up with Ellery in her arms and heading for the door. "You guys cool with that?"

"Are you gonna gross-kiss me again?" Dash calls out after her.

"I make no promises, wild man."

A huge sigh. Then his feet are shuffling after her and she feels his head hit her backside, a nudge of love that he's too cool now to say out loud. Before she starts down the stairs, Kate reaches back and squeezes his shoulder, suddenly surprised by how strong a wind her kids have turned out to be.

Blowing the clouds away, just as Dash said.


	16. Chapter 16

When Castle finally makes it home, his body aches with the long night and the burden of secrets. He drops his keys onto the entry table and slides his tie out from around his collar. The lights are all out in the living room, just the solitary night light burning in the outlet under the stairs.

He hesitates with a foot on the bottom step, then decides to find Kate first, check on his kids later.

She's watching for him from the bed when he finally clears the doorway; she's stuck there with both kids asleep on top of her. Rex is on the floor at the foot of the bed; the dog's tail sweeps back and forth, but he doesn't lift his head.

"Hey," Kate says on a breath.

"Hey, love." He heads to her side of the bed, leans over Dashiell to press a kiss to her mouth. "Kids conked out on you."

"Yeah."

He studies her for a moment, dropping his tie to the foot of the bed, but she's carefully keeping herself together. "I'll take the kids up to their rooms."

"I'll carry Ella," she murmurs, and he sees that she doesn't want to be alone.

"You can get her with your hand like that?" Castle glances down and sees that Ellery has fallen asleep across Kate's stomach, an arm wrapped around her mother's thigh, a position that can't at all be comfortable for either of them. Dash is cuddled at his mother's side.

"Can you lift her up and let me get out?" Kate says on a little laugh. "Otherwise, I won't manage it."

Castle squats down and slides an arm under Ellery, feels Kate's muscles tense and shiver as he does and he flashes her a look. She rolls her eyes and gives him a hurry up motion. He manages to peel Ella off of Kate, and then waits for her to untangle from Dash and get to her feet.

He gives her Ellery, waiting a moment to make sure that Kate can still manage with her injured hand, and then scoops Dash into his arms.

The boy stirs against him, mouth opening on a yawn, and his eyelashes flutter.

Castle nudges Kate to go ahead of him and they start for the stairs. He hears the dog get up and follow after them, nails clicking on the hardwood. Dash yawns again and rolls his face across Castle's chest, scrunching up in his father's arms.

"Dad?"

"Taking you up to bed. Sleep, kid."

"Oh-kay."

Castle squeezes him a little tighter to help ease the transition, but Dash stirs again and burrows his hands into Castle's armpits, looking for deep pressure. Castle clamps his arms against his body tightly, feels Dash sag gratefully against him.

At the top of the stairs, Kate heads for Ellery's room with the girl and Castle takes Dash to his own bed, pausing in the darkness before making his way through the room. Dash slides down off his father and slumps into bed.

"Where's my dog?"

Castle glances behind him and the shadow is already there. "He's right here. Come on up, Rex."

The dog bounds up onto the bed and circles, making Dash giggle sleepily before Rex finally settles down beside him. Castle rubs at the dog's fur, pats his head, and then leans in to draw the covers up over his son.

"Night, kiddo."

"Initiation day," he murmurs.

Ah, crap. "Um, buddy, actually-" Castle stops, rubs the bridge of his nose. "Yeah. Tomorrow. Initiation day."

Dash will not be happy if they have to postpone - and then there's Alexis - but what else can he do?

He needs to talk to Kate. There's just so much. . .so very much.

* * *

He watches her sink into the armchair from his spot by the stairs, and he nods to her hand. "That okay?"

"Okay enough. But I need a drink," she mutters and closes her eyes.

"You want to take a pain pill tonight?" he asks, hovering near the kitchen in case she really does want a drink.

"Yeah, I'll have to take another one to sleep tonight. So no drink. Damn."

He gives her a half-smile, but it feels weak; he knows it's weak. He doesn't have much to give her right now.

"I might have one though," he says, rubbing at his eyes. A whiskey for courage.

"I should take the pain pill now."

He opens his eyes to see her standing up again, moving past him into the kitchen.

"Wait. We need to talk."

"I know. I'll have about thirty minutes before I have to crash. That's enough-"

"That's _not_ enough time," he says, following her to the medicine cabinet. "Kate."

"Castle." She turns and gives him a look. "It's all I can handle."

He shuts his mouth and lets it go. Thirty minutes to say everything he's got to say? He has no idea where to even start.

No time to lose though.

"Roy gave me something. To hold for you. If you want it."

She pops the pill and swallows it dry, then runs water in a glass and takes a long sip. He debates going for a drink, the burn of whiskey to clear his grief-clogged throat, but he thinks it wouldn't do any good.

She sets the glass in the sink. "It's January," she sighs.

He waits, knowing how she gets late at night when she's tired and hurt - not the best combination. She always starts her stories in the middle.

Kate trails out of the kitchen, heading back to the armchair, and he follows her into the living room.

"I was so busy with my dad's wedding that I didn't - it wasn't even - Ella was calling me from upstairs and Rex was going crazy to be let out and I looked around and realized today was the day."

Today was the day? He sinks onto the couch and watches her, trying to place it.

She tilts her head back and sighs, then runs her hand down her face. "I think I prayed."

"Babe, you have me totally confused," he says, reaching out across the distance between her chair and his spot on the couch to hook his hand through her dangling fingers.

She gives him a soft look, lashes framing her eyes low and sad. "I told my mom - I talked to my mom as I ran up the stairs to get Ella and I - it was breathless and rushed and barely even a memorial-"

"The ninth," he breathes out. "Of January. Oh God, Kate. I forgot. I - I remembered earlier in the week, and then-"

"Life got busy." She shakes her head and she's not crying, no. Just - her eyes are shiny with it but she's smiling at him. "I forgot too this year. No, well, not true. How could I ever forget? But I woke up on that morning with Dashiell whispering in my ear that his television was broken, and I stumbled upstairs and fixed the satellite, and then we made breakfast and had hot tea and then - oh, Castle - and then I remembered. First time that's ever happened. To not wake up with it foremost on my mind."

"It's not bad, Kate." He strokes a finger over the back of her hand, his arm starting to go numb as he stretches across the space for her. "Your mom is more than just a terrible day of the year."

"I didn't do a thing to honor her though," she sighs and drops her head to the back of the chair, her legs slung over the arm.

He can't help the laugh that huffs out of him, and she gives him a narrow-eyed glare as she turns her head to look at him. "Sorry, but that sounds incongruous, Kate. You just told me you spent that morning with Dashiell, our son, being a mother to him, a good mother, and that you didn't honor _your_ mother. Don't you think-"

"I get it," she sighs.

"Kate, Montgomery said-"

"Wait, let me-" She waves her other hand, wincing a little, and then sits up again in the chair, as if she needs to be more formal for this, be prepared. Her lips are pressed tightly together.

"You done stalling?" he says, hoping the humor helps.

She flickers a look at him. "How much longer did you sit with him down there?"

"Uncle Mo-"

She moans and presses her hand to her eyes; he jumps off the couch and kneels at her feet, taking her injured hand between his, stroking his fingers down her forearm until she takes a deep breath and looks at him again.

"I'm sorry." He won't say the man's name. "We talked for another thirty minutes or so," Castle admits. "And then I - there was the party upstairs to see to, and then I made our excuses and left when Jake got there to close up."

Her fingers curl up to touch his; he sighs and sits at her feet, his back against the chair. He leans his head against her knee, strokes her calf, waiting for her.

"Did you want to ask questions or should I just tell the story?"

"No," she says quickly. "No story."

Ah, okay. "So. What do you want to know?"

"Nothing," she grunts, then sighs. "Everything. I want to know who did this, and why, and how Roy fits into this, and why, why did he _do_ this, Castle?"

He thought she might be grief-stricken, but this sounds more like anger - the mask to her sorrow, most likely, but still the flare of intense and furious anger.

"I don't know," he says quietly. "Sometimes people have terrible secrets, but they think they're doing what's best for us by keeping them. Ignorance is bliss."

He feels her hand come down to his head, her fingers stroking through his hair, and he closes his eyes. It hurts - she's right - it hurts because it's Uncle Mo, because it's something that has shaped Kate's life for - forever it seems - and there's no way to make it right.

"What did he give you?" she asks finally.

"An address."

"Of the guy who-"

"No, Kate."

She sighs behind him, her fingers at his neck, her thumb rubbing. That feels good, and he wishes he didn't have to tell her anything else, wishes it wasn't his knowledge to burden her with now, but it is. Roy did that to him, and he's not sure he can ever forgive the man for that.

But if Kate hadn't run out of there. . .

"An address to what?"

"A man he sent a file to. Roy has been collecting blackmail material for nearly twenty years now, Kate."

"Evidence you mean."

"I'd call it evidence. Roy calls it blackmail. I don't think he ever believed he'd get this guy the legal way, so-"

"So he what? Blackmailed him for special favors? Managed to make Captain and-"

"Kate," he says gently, turning his head to look at her. Pain pills and fury aren't a good combination.

"Why did he _do_ this?" she keens, bringing both hands up to her face and curling in. Castle turns and captures her arm before she can mangle her injured hand, tugs her down into his lap on the floor.

He presses his cheek against the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

"Why couldn't he just tell me. Why couldn't - I just want to know - I need to know why, Castle, and this whole time he _knew_-"

"Kate, love, come on. I think your time's up. Let's go to bed."

She struggles against him, shaking her head, trying to sit up. "No. First this. Tell me. Blackmail, and a file, and the address of a man. Who?"

"He didn't tell me his name, and apparently this is just a dead drop. We can leave him a message here; he'll come by sometime later and pick it up. He can meet with us if he wants to, so Roy says. But he's got the blackmail material-"

"The evidence."

"The evidence," he says on a sigh. "He made it sound like this guy is doing us a favor. Keeping it out of your hands, Kate, and _protecting_ us."

"The person who murdered my mother is out there, Castle. Protected isn't the way I feel."

"You've got half a pain pill in you and your hand has been on fire all day, I'm sure. So let's go to bed and finish this in the morning." He nudges at her and she leans back against the chair, closing her eyes, so he stands and then helps her up as well.

"Why did he do this?" she whispers, that tendon in her forehead sharpening with her frustration. "He's guided me, Castle. He told me what to do, where to pursue this; he was the one who oversaw every single piece of information, and this whole time, God, this _whole time_-"

"No more, Kate," he grits out, a wash of anger flash-flooding him as he follows her to their bedroom. Montgomery has put him in this impossible position, the keeper of his secrets, and he's got to dole them out slowly, one by one, as his wife can manage them. But it's still himself, still Rick Castle that has to be the one - Castle that has to deliver the news.

Instead of Roy.

Kill the messenger.

Ahead of him, Kate stutter-steps in the hall and her shoulders hunch. Castle sighs and lays his hand at her back, tugs her into his side to walk with her. She swipes the back of her hand at her cheeks, over and over, and he pretends not to notice.

She crawls in bed ahead of him, watches him with her head on the pillow as he changes into pajama pants and a tshirt, her eyes drooping, the tears lessening already. He gets in under the covers and turns on his side, but she's already curling up into him, her injured hand carefully tucked between them.

He kisses her cheek, the sleepy slope of her eye, tastes the salt.

"At least it's you," she sighs out, her mouth at his neck.

"Me?" He strokes a finger through her hair, away from her face, leaves his palm at her neck.

"I don't know that I could take it, having to stand in front of him and listen to him tell me all this. At least it's you. You've been here with me since the beginning."

Oh, God, that's-

"Kate, I don't want it to be me. I don't want to have to tell you any of this."

But her eyes are already closed, her breathing deep, and he doesn't think she's heard him.


	17. Chapter 17

Kate scrambles eggs one-handed while Dashiell stirs creamer into her coffee.

"Thanks, baby."

"I do mine now."

"Yeah, let me get it." She leaves the spatula in the pan and reaches over to get his mug out of the microwave. Dash is being extra careful in the kitchen with mommy this morning; he waits patiently on the step stool, watching her every movement.

She presses a kiss to his temple, grinning as he winces but takes it. She puts his mug of hot water on the counter and Dashiell starts adding the sanka for his hot tea.

Kate goes back to the eggs before they can get crispy, flips off the burner, and a movement from the corner of her vision surprises her.

"Castle."

"Mornin'," he grunts, one eye cracked, the other squinted against the light.

"Hi, Dad. I got hot tea with Mom."

"Uh, hey, kiddo."

"Dash," she warns, grinning at him.

"Ooh, right. Morning time. No talking to Dad."

"Hey now," he grumbles, then steps into the kitchen and places a sloppy kiss on Kate's neck. "How's the hand?"

She cuts her eyes to Dash, but the kid is stirring his hot tea slowly, with great care, and not paying attention to them. "Better I think. I'm a little bummed because Ella and I have our day out after church-"

He wriggles his eyes and frames her hips with his hands, his body at her back. "Ooh, the spa, right?"

"Day spa. Manicures and pedicures. Well, I am. Ella's just getting polish."

"I know. I remember. Dash and I have something planned. Don't we, buddy?"

Kate glances over to Dashiell and the kid beams at them, all crinkled eyes and dimples like his father. She levels a look at him, but he pulls his innocent face. She grins. "Uh-huh, I've heard something about this."

"Initiation Day, Momma!"

Kate lifts an eyebrow at Castle, but he's shushing Dash with a look and then coming back to her with that same smile as his son, rubbing his scruff against her cheek in that way he knows she likes.

"Kate," he murmurs. "We still need to talk."

Her heart drops.

"No. Not today. Not on my day off, not - I want to be with my kids today, go to church, and not think about it." She sets her jaw at the hesitance on his face. "Castle. Just give me today. I want to take Ella out after lunch, have our girl time, and then come home to whatever the heck you and Dash are doing-"

"And Allie too!" Dash pipes up. "Momma, my hot tea is ready. Come get me."

"And Allie?" Kate shrugs out of Castle's embrace at the stove and heads for Dash, circling an arm around his neck to hug him, and then grabbing his hot tea. "Gonna have to walk over there yourself, my man. Can't pick you up."

He sighs and hops off the stool, leads her to the dining room table. She places his hot tea in front of him, ruffles his hair with a kiss to his head, and then heads back for her coffee.

"Castle, make yourself useful and serve us eggs?"

He snorts at that but she lifts on tiptoe and kisses him, sweet and hot, her tongue slipping into his mouth and circling. He grunts in surprise but takes it, a hand clutching at her hip, and then she pulls back slowly, little kisses to his bottom lip to soothe him.

"You are a terrible tease."

"Love you too." She turns around for her coffee, cradles it with one hand against her chest, and then heads to the bench seat where Dash is set up. Her son immediately snuggles down at her side, practically draping himself in her lap, humming his pleased contentment.

"Hey there, my sweet boy."

"Hey, Mommy."

Her heart flutters at the babyish name; she leans over him and kisses his cheek.

"Ew, gross. You kiss me all the times, Mom. So much kissing I'm gonna get cooties."

She laughs, hears Castle chuckling from the kitchen as he scoops eggs onto their plates.

"Well, that's too bad, wild man. Looks like you're getting cooties."

* * *

Kate has to drag Ellery from bed for church; the girl whines and buries her head into Kate's chest, curling away from the light. Kate dumps her in the floor and tugs open the bureau drawer, pulling out her turquoise tights and the sweater dress, a pair of pink underwear, dropping them on top of Ella's head.

The girl giggles, parts her clothes like a curtain to see her mother, and then wriggles out of her striped, footed pajamas.

"How's Lincoln?" Kate says, turning back to the bureau to peer at the bearded lizard. They had to set the terrarium on top of the low dresser because it had the widest surface. Then this required shoving the bureau under the window where it could get the most sun.

Allie's bed is gone now too, moved out after Christmas break when Allie and Rafe got a place of their own in the city. Rafe got a job with one of Madison's restaurants, and they seem settled, so the room has become only Ellery's now.

Which makes Kate a little sad, but it does allow room for the bearded dragon.

"I feed him," Ellery says, running naked across the room to peer at her lizard.

"Underwear._ Ellery Kate_. Put on your underwear."

"Can I first-"

"No. Underwear right now."

Ellery sets her face, mulish, and opens her mouth to protest, but Kate waves a hand at the lizard. All it takes for Ellery to slink back to her clothes and start hopping into her princess panties. Kate loves the lizard for all the new, effective disciplining threats it gives her. And yeah, she thinks it's exotic and cool. And kinda cute.

"Can I show Daddy how to feed Linc his cricket meal?"

Kate presses her lips together, checks out Ella's face for signs of trouble-making. Smirky twist to her lip, a glint in her eyes, dimple in place. Uh-huh. Sly little thing.

"No. Stop tormenting Daddy and Dash with your dragon. Get dressed and be downstairs for breakfast soon as possible, little sloth."

"I sloth cause I sleep so good."

Kate leans over on her way out the door, kisses her daughter's cheek. "That's it exactly. All your clothes have to be on before you feed Abe Lincoln."

"Oh _man._"

"I'm on to you, Ellery Kate Castle."

* * *

Ella falls asleep on Kate, of course, only two minutes into the sermon. Castle checks the back door of the auditorium but none of the workers have come skulking, looking for Dashiell's parents, so the kid must be doing okay in children's church.

He slides closer to Kate, his arm around her shoulders - which she somehow doesn't even mind during church, go figure - and he draws circles on her shoulder with his fingers.

He's not listening to the sermon; he can't stop thinking about Montgomery. Their Captain, honorary grandfather to their kids, her mentor in all of this, the guy who gave Castle the chance he needed to prove himself to Beckett and make her see him-

This man - the one they know and love - somehow is also the man who shot a guy in an alley, covered it up, framed another guy for the murder, got Johanna Beckett's blood on his hands because of all the lies, and is now blackmailing this shadowed conspiracy leader to keep them all safe.

Or so he says.

And then he dumps all this on them, on Kate, talking about his salvation, his chance from God, his calling to help Kate and redeem his past mistakes, and then he gets to jet off into the sunset. On his way to tropical paradise, retired from a job he loved but apparently was entirely corrupt about, his family grown, his wife at his side.

And it is so freaking unfair.

Castle really - he just can't understand church, God, any of it, when this kind of thing is rotting away at people.

But what he can understand is the way Kate's head drops against his shoulder for just a moment, the weight of everything falling down on her, her breath a sorrowed sigh across his neck, taking just that second to rest against him, needing it, before she lifts her head again and looks up at the preacher and somehow manages to bring herself back together.

He understands that because he's been blessed with having her at his side, blessed with seeing all these amazing aspects of her strength, blessed with having Kate Beckett, his partner in all things, make her stand with him.

* * *

Oasis Day Spa on Park Avenue is swank and regal and not at all a place Kate would usually go, but Ellery loves the glitter and sparkles, the sense of being pampered. She's girly in some ways and tomboy in others, and the secret is finding her brilliant, sly smile in the mix, ferreting out which side of the little thing is going to show herself.

Ellery squirms to get down, so Kate lets her on the marble floor, then heads for reception, pushing her sunglasses back up on her head, keeping her hair out of her face. She dressed them both in peasant skirts after church, Ellery's at her knees and frilly baby blue with the turquoise leggings keeping her warm, Kate's purple with a design along the bottom, black knee-length thermal underwear on beneath it. Castle looked at her like she was crazy, but it is freezing outside.

"I have an appointment at one. Castle."

"Oh yes ma'am. Right this way." The girl is young, but her smile is genuine; she leads them back through the main lobby towards a private room. Ella trails along behind, staring at the glamor, her eyes round and blue. When the receptionist opens the door and gestures for them to enter, Ellery's mouth drops open and she startles a look to her mother.

"Told you we'd have more fun than the boys," Kate murmurs, grinning at her little girl.

Ella hops into the room, square by square, her skirt flaring up around her knees, her shoes clomping on the floor.

The receptionist closes the door after them and Kate leans over and picks up Ellery, puts her in the spa chair. "Hey, cricket. You ready to be treated like a princess?"

"I'm a princess of the Castle."

"You are, sweetheart."

She wriggles her toes and drops her shoes off with a flick of her feet, then leans over and tugs off her socks. "Pretty on my toes?"

"What color do you want?" Kate grins back.

"I can have sparkly?"

"Sure. Sparkly what?"

Ellery wrinkles her brow as she thinks, so intense, and then tilts her head at her mother. "What's your favorite color, Mommy?"

"I like purple. What's yours?"

"Black."

Kate smirks, wanting so very badly to see how Castle reacts to black fingernail polish on his little girl. "I like black too."

"I can have sparkly purple on mine toes and black black black on mine hands?"

"Of course you can. They might even have sparkly black, cricket. And then it would be like the night sky, all the stars."

"I not really see stars at night, Mommy."

"Oh. Really? What about when we went to Papa's cabin and we all slept outside?"

"In the tent?"

"Yeah. Remember those stars?"

"Lots of baby lights."

"Those were stars, cricket."

"I hear crickets at Papa's lake."

"You did-"

The door opens right then, and their nail artist slips inside, a young woman in her twenties, hair in a cute pony tail, hands tucked into her work apron.

"I'm Jessie. What's your name?" She squats down to get on Ellery's level, and Kate likes the woman immediately for talking to her daughter like a person.

Ella glances up at her mother and Kate nods her permission. "I'm Ellery. That's my mommy, Kate. She has a gun."

Kate laughs, presses her lips together and shakes her head. "I'm a cop, that's what she means. Don't have my gun on me."

"Nice to meet you, Kate." Jessie gives a little half laugh and grins back at Ellery. "You like that Mommy has a gun, huh?"

"I like Mommy," Ellery shrugs, not understanding. "She's pretty and smells good and she has all the right love."

Kate sinks into the spa chair beside Ella's, heart filled up, and smiles at her daughter, slides her fingers through Ella's hair to get it off her face. She's not sure what Ellery was thinking about with that comment, but it's beautiful. "Tell Jessie what you want, cricket."

"Purple sparkles and black sparkles." Ellery says sitting back in the chair and giving Jessie her best adult face. So serious and intense. Ready for it.

"Sounds awesome, Ellery. Let me go get your colors. How about you, Kate?"

"Actually. Make mine the same as Ellery's."

Jessie nods and heads out the door again.

Ella gives her mother a beautiful, sweet-faced smile, all soft blue eyes and curling, cute lips, her head tilted. Kate leans over and kisses her, tugging on her cheeks to angle her face up.

"You and me be twins, Mommy."

"Of course, sweet girl. We usually are."


	18. Chapter 18

Dash can see nothing.

It's very dark in here; his heart is beating hard.

Allie takes him by the hand, like he's a little kid, and he jerks away, staring at her.

"Where's Rafe? Why didn't he come too?"

"It's Initiation Day, Dashiell. No Rafe. Nobody but you, me, and Dad. Our day."

"Ohhh," he breathes out and blinks, looking around his house. Momma and Ellie went to do girly stuff with frills and sparkles, but Allie came a few minutes later and took him out for ice cream and now that they are back-

It's totally dark in here. And the furniture has been moved around.

"Why's it dark?"

"Because, young man, that is how you _win._"

Dash jumps back as Dad comes hulking through the living room from his study, his body flashing lights like a space soldier fighting evil aliens.

"Whoa."

"Uh-huh. It's time for Laser Tag Initiation Day, Dashiell."

Dad's hand clamps down on his shoulder, a tight grip, and he has to press his lips together to keep from giggling.

"I get to play?"

"This isn't _play_," Allie says, her voice so hard. "This is serious."

He nods at his sister, sneaks a look at Daddy. Dad's got the hard edge too, but his eyes are still happy. People do not always say what they mean, and sometimes the things they say are exactly what they mean but they don't mean to say it.

He thinks this is both. And that's confusing a little bit, but he sorta gets it. Serious play. Serious fun. He can do that.

"Okay. Serious. Got it."

"It's time to suit up, Dashiell." His father moves to the couch and pulls a lighted-up vest from behind the coffee table, holds it up for him to see. It looks old. Battered up. "This was your sister's when she was your age. I taught her how to win this game."

"And the student has excelled the teacher," Allie says, and she's got that Allie and Mom smile on her face. Like she knows something.

"So she thinks. Dashiell, this was Alexis's when she was five, and now-"

"Ohhhh." He stares at Allie. She was - she could be five once? "And now it's mine?"

"Now it's yours," Allie says. She takes the vest from Dad and then slides it on over his head, tightens the velcro straps around his chest. "Too tight?" she murmurs.

Dash shakes his head, his heart pounding hard again, staring up at Dad as the lights flash and flicker across the vest. "Is that a gun?"

"A laser tag gun."

"Momma says we-"

"Mom says laser tag is just fine," Allie says quickly, her hands still working at his vest. "I promise. She let me and Dad play all this time."

"I can play now too?"

"Today's your first day of Epic Laser Tag War," his father growls. "It's me against you."

"All by my_self_?"

Allie tugs on his vest to make sure it's on good, then turns and pulls another one from the box behind the coffee table. "Nope. You and me against Dad. It's kids versus adults, Dash. And guess what?"

"What?" he gasps, watching the beautiful lights come down over her.

"We always win."

* * *

Dash tries to keep from breathing so loudly. He and Allie are four up on Dad's two hits, and he knows Dad is out to get him. Cause he's the rookie. That's what Dad says. _That's a rookie mistake._

Somebody is an evil alien overlord, and he thinks it's Allie, but sometimes he thinks it's Dad, and all the times he thinks they get confused and switch it up. That's okay too, but he wonders what he's supposed to be.

Oh. He knows. He's the rebel forces. He is on his _own_ side.

Allie's not a kid - she's an adult. And she might not want to admit it, but really, she and Dad are the same. Allie's even all kissy-face with Rafe like _all the times._ There's no way she's still a kid.

Kids don't kissy-face.

Which means there's no way she's still on his side. She's sneaked off to join the Voltarians. It is up to him, and him alone, to stop the evil forces of Voltar.

* * *

"I am a member of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard - you will never prevail against the Imperium!"

Dash wriggles under the coffee table, breathless, the vest squeezing him as he hides. The lights are so flickery and they give away his spot, but Dad is out in the kitchen, hunting down Allie.

He should rescue her; she's his teammate. She's his sister.

But she might be an Imperium spy.

Dash slips into the narrow space between the coffee table and the couch, then backs up slowly, moving away from where he can hear Dad stalking through the room.

"Ah-ha!"

He scrambles to his feet and takes off at a run.

* * *

He gets zapped by friendly fire.

"ALLIE!"

"Oops," she giggles, shrugging her shoulders at him.

"I knew it! You're really a Voltarian. You're no rebel!"

She gapes at him, and then Dad comes around the corner and zaps them both, laughing like an evil overlord, and Dash narrows his eyes.

"You are in cahoots!"

Allie cracks up, laughing hard at him, and Dad gives him a funny look, half-smiling as he steps back to close the laundry room door (ohhh, the laundry room, that's where Daddy hid?), and Dad reaches out to ruffle his hair.

Dash lifts his gun and shoots him in the stomach. "You haven't beaten me yet. You're going down hot-shot!"

Allie laughs so hard, she drops to her knees on the floor of the hallway, so Dash spins and shoots her too, a rush of good good energy crackling up in him and making him strong.

"And you too, you traitor. Go on over to the dark side. The rebels don't need you!"

"Hey! It's supposed to be a reset!"

He darts away, heading for Dad's room.

* * *

This was not a good idea.

He has two years until he's got someone small and crafty on his side, and he's not sure he can survive two years of wily sneak attacks by Allie and Dad until Ellie's on his team.

They are _good._

They do have a lot of practice. Allie says they're on best three out of five, but she says since he switched up the teams, they might have to start over completely. Or maybe sometimes she'll play on his side, and sometimes on Dad's.

But Dashiell is getting his _ass _beat.

Yes. He is using a bad word because it is _true._ It is the only right word for what is happening right now, and even though Momma would absolutely kill him for saying it, he is saying it in his head because words have very specific meanings and sometimes very crazy different meanings and this one fits exactly right for right now and in _both_ categories, and that almost never happens.

They are kicking his ass.

"Ha-ha-ha. You thought you could run. Think again."

And he gets zapped.

Twenty-three points.

He needs a battle plan.

* * *

The place is small. There are not many hiding spots left that Dad and Allie haven't already found before. This is against him.

But he is also small. Compared to how huge Daddy is, and how tall Allie is, almost as tall as Mommy. _Mom_. Mom would know what to do.

Dashiell squirms out from under Mom and Dad's bed and wriggles on his belly towards the dresser. He can hear Allie creeping around out there, patrolling the stairs while Dad searches Ella's room.

He's been in here this whole time. He is very quiet.

He climbs up on the bed to look at the bedside table. There it is. Dad's phone. Dashiell grabs it and slides it on, then uses Mom's numbers until the keypad unlocks. Dash knows all the numbers, the ones with meanings, and Dad can never keep him out. 41319 is usually in there. And sometimes 11 and 79.

He slithers back under the bed, near the wall, and keeps his gun close.

"Hey."

"Momma."

"Dash?"

"Momma, I need help."

"Dash, where's Daddy?"

"Daddy is upstairs. I need help."

"Dashiell, baby, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"I am? Why?"

He hears Mom suck in a breath and then a long one out. "Dash. Why did you call me on Dad's phone?"

"Cause Dad is beating me."

Mom grunts. "Beating you with...?"

"With a gun?"

"With a _what_?"

"He said - Allie said it was okay!"

"Wait. Hold on, Dash. Explain to me what's going on."

"It's Initiation Day, Mom."

"This sounds really bad, Dashiell Hammett, and I need you to tell me what's really going on over there."

"That is _not_ my name-"

"Dashiell. Alexander. Castle."

"Okay, okay! Stop calling me out." She said his last name like she sometimes says Dad's name. Not good.

"Tell me what is going on."

"Daddy is sneaking up on me and now he's got Allie on his team too. And they are beating me every time, Momma. I thought you'd know how to help."

"Daddy is. . .sneaking up on you? And Allie. And there are guns - oh. Oh, jeez, Dashiell. You're playing laser tag with Daddy?"

"Yes." Duh. What else?

"And what do you want me to do?"

"You can help?"

"I'm not there, baby."

"But I'm under the bed and Dad is upstairs and they have twenty-three zaps to my vest already."

"Allie is teaming up against you?"

"Allie _was_ on my team, but she turned out to be a traitor, Momma. She's in league with Voltar."

"Oh. And Voltar is-?"

"Dad, duh."

"Don't _duh _me. You called me for help. Show some respect."

"Yes, ma'am," he sighs. "Are you gonna help me?"

He hears Mom humming to herself on the other end and then she laughs. "Okay. Sure. Here's what I'll do."

* * *

Mom's ringtone calls out through the apartment. _Conquest._

Dashiell's heart beats so hard it might tell on him, rat out his position, but he holds on tighter and keeps his gun in his hand and waits. He is all cramped up in here, stuck tight, but it's worth it.

Allie and Dad come back down the stairs together, protecting each other, and Dash can see Dad is searching with his eyes for the phone, all over, roaming the room.

He grips tighter and presses his lips together to keep from breathing too hard.

"I thought I left my phone by the bed," Dad says, not really thinking it even as he says it. If he were thinking it, really thinking, then he wouldn't be heading into the kitchen right now to get his phone off the counter by the fridge.

It's working. Mom's _good_ at this.

He can hear Dad pick up, and he hears Mom laughing on the other end. Dash kicks open the cabinet door and fires right at Dad's back.

The lights go off, flashing and sparkling, even as Dash aims for Allie from behind the protection of the cabinet door and gets her too.

They both stare at him.

Dad has the phone up against his ear, and then his eyes narrow. "You. You set me up, evil woman."

Dash climbs out of the cabinet for _reset_, as Dad called it, and lifts his gun to his lips. He blows off the the top of it (they do it in all the good movies) and then he darts forward and grabs Dad's cell phone.

"It worked! Mom, you are _so awesome. _You're on my team from now on."

And then he _runs._


	19. Chapter 19

"You ready to get some dinner, cricket?"

Ellery glances up at her mother and merely nods. The girl looks tired, withdrawn in that way she gets when she's treading water on the surface of sleep.

Kate jiggles her daughter's hand to get her attention, winds them through the evening traffic. "You too cold to walk home?"

"I'm okay," Ella says in her little voice. Her coat is loose, a couple buttons were missed, but if Kate tries to fix it, the girl will have a silent and furious fit. So Kate leaves it.

"Then let's go get Daddy and Dash, see if they're ready for us. And then maybe we can all go out."

"We go to Ninja?" Ellery asks, perking up now and letting her eyes go wide. "Ninja, please, Mommy?"

"It's a long drive." And Kate does not feel like fighting the crowds in the subway with two kids. Or fighting for parking either.

"Daddy can drive."

"Oh really?" Kate laughs, lifting her by the hand to swing her over a nasty looking _something_ in the middle of the sidewalk. "You volunteered Daddy to drive, just like that?"

"He drive. I ask him."

"Uh-huh, he would too." Kate shivers as the wind cuts down the avenue. "Let me carry you, Ellery. I'm freezing."

"You freezing?"

"Yeah. I need you to block the wind." Kate leans over and scoops the kid up before she can say anything, lets Ella squirm down against her chest, huddled close. Kate kisses Ella's cheek, warming her nose a little, but her hand is throbbing now. "Mm, see? Better."

"I keep you warm."

"Yup. Snuggle in tight, little cricket."

"I am, Mommy, tight-tight." Ellery lays her head against Kate's shoulder, her face against her mother's neck, still wriggling as she goes. She's such a tiny thing, despite her indomitable personality, and Kate keeps forgetting how birdlike her bones are, how round and miniature her face. Sometimes it scares her; Kate remembers what it felt like when Ella was born so early, so premature, and how tiny she was. She's still so tiny.

But she's not lagging behind, not one bit. If anything, Ellery works more intently, with more focus, to be smarter and faster and at least equal to her big brother. She looks like a little dark-haired doll, but she acts like a teenager.

"We can go to Ninja?" Ella says suddenly, her mouth against Kate's jaw and tickling.

"It's expensive."

"Please?"

"We'll see what Daddy says," she murmurs instead.

Ellery cheers, sitting up in Kate's arms with her hands at her mother's cheeks. "That means yes!"

Darn. It probably does; Castle's not usually the one to say no, is he? Not when the objections are money-related.

Kate sighs and leans in to kiss Ella's little nose. "Okay, baby girl. Maybe so, but we're still asking Daddy first."

* * *

Poor Ellery's lips and thin little fingers are blue when they make it to their building; the girl bounces in Kate's arms and leans out to wave at Eddie, the doorman, as they go inside the lobby.

"Brrr," Ellery gives a little shiver and curls back into Kate, sticking her fingers inside her mother's coat collar. "It's so cold, Mommy. I not like cold."

"Me either. But our loft will be so nice and warm." She gets on the elevator and presses the button for their floor, leans back against the wall and closes her eyes, tired. Her hand throbs too, and she probably shouldn't keep carrying Ella - it pulls at the skin - but it _is_ so very cold.

"I like snow. But not cold."

"Well, I see a problem with that, cricket."

"Snow is cold," Ellery sighs. "Can we make snow not be cold?"

"I don't know how we'd do that."

"Can God do it?"

Um. "I guess he could. If he wanted to."

"Why he not do it?"

Kate wrinkles her nose but nothing comes to her. "He doesn't feel like it? And some people like the cold, and the snow too. So why should God change it all just for you and me?"

"Oh."

The elevator slides open and Kate steps off, walking slowly down the hallway towards their door. She texted Castle and he said for them to come on home, but she wonders how the rest of laser tag went.

"I pray God make the snow not be cold," Ellery announces, sitting back again, her fingers playing with the buttons on Kate's coat. "I pray tonight."

"Um, baby. I - I don't think God is going to answer that prayer with a yes. I think God will say no."

Her shoulders slump. "But I do want snow."

"It may snow, sweetheart. But it will still be cold."

Ellery sighs back down to her mother's chest, limp and defeated for a moment, and Kate uses the opportunity to twist the doorknob - unlocked, like he promised. She nudges her hip into the door and opens it into their loft.

Dark loft, apparently. All the lights are out.

"Hey guys?"

A scream from the back bedroom and then a little body is hurtling towards her, an arm hooking at her knee and swinging around into the back of Kate's legs. She laughs even as her legs dip at the force of him, Ellery hanging on, and then Castle comes around the corner in his laser tag gear.

"Mom! Save me!"

Kate slides to the side, leaving Dashiell exposed, and Castle grins triumphantly and shoots their son.

Dash howls and collapses to the floor, kicking his feet, making gurgling noises, shuddering. Kate lifts her eyes from his death scene to meet Castle's gaze. He laughs and holsters his laser gun.

"Victory is mine."

Kate leans over to let Ellery get down and mess with her brother. "Where's Allie?"

"You don't even want to know how I managed to overcome the enemy?"

Kate glances back down to her son still moaning and writhing in the floor. "I think you're the enemy, Castle. He's the rebel forces. Makes him the good guys."

Castle glares at her for a moment, but Allie comes down the stairs tugging off her laser tag gear. "You're home. Awesome. I'm starving. Hey, Ella-bean."

Ellery tugs out of Dashiell's grip and throws herself at Allie. "I starve too, Allie. We can go to Ninja! Mommy said."

"Mom?" Dash says from the floor, sitting up awkwardly in his laser tag vest. "Ninja? Is that true?"

"Up to your dad."

"Up to me? Then yes. Yes we're going to Ninja. Awesome." He leans over and snags Dashiell's hand, propelling him up with a little bounce. "Get this stuff off and put it in the bin. Carefully."

Dashiell squirms under the vest and runs for the living room, ripping at the velcro and straps and shaking the gun off his wrist.

"Carefully, Dashiell. If you break it, we can't play."

Dash freezes, then uses exaggerated movements to put the equipment away. Kate smirks at him and then turns to Castle, watches him shut the front door and lock it. "Ellery promised you'd drive."

"Oh she did?" Castle reaches out and snags Ella's foot; Allie has her in her arms, doing Eskimo kisses over and over. "Ellery Kate. Did you say I'd drive us to Ninja?"

"You drive, Daddy. Please? You drive so good. You the best."

"Ohh, I see how it is," Allie says, laughing. "What a clever little girl you are."

"Manipulative is what she is." Kate rolls her eyes and starts unbuttoning her coat with one hand.

"Same thing," Castle defends. "One is a nice way of saying it; one is not."

"I nice. I be nice. I promise," Ellery says. "We still go to Ninja?"

Kate laughs, leans in to kiss Ellery's cheek. "Yeah, cricket. You are plenty nice. And we are still going to Ninja. So long as Daddy drives."

Castle gives a great big sigh and growls at them all, making Ella giggle as he leans in and blows a raspberry at her neck. "Okay, okay, okay. Daddy will drive."

Kate shrugs off her coat and catches Castle's elbow. "You sure?"

"You don't want to take the subway? You're the one all gung-ho on public transportation."

She shakes her head. "I can't - it's too much right now." Keeping track of the kids, getting them all on the right car, Dashiell's wandering curiosity, and then her still-throbbing hand. And everything else behind that, all the things she doesn't want to think about, talk about, even admit to herself.

Castle only circles his fingers lightly around her wrist and turns her hand over, palm up. "You okay?"

"I'm all right."

"Then I'll drive us to Ninja."

* * *

Ninja in Tribeca is a Japanese/American fusion restaurant centered around the aura of feudal-era Japan; the interior is dark and cave-like, built like a castle.

So of course, everyone in Rick's family adores this place. Dashiell most especially, because of his fascination with ninjas, but the whole experience is awesome. Once inside, they take the elevator down to the basement where the restaurant is housed, and both kids are on their toes with excitement. They know what comes next.

The elevator doors slide open, and Dashiell reaches out to grab Ellery's hand. They both step forward cautiously, the adults hang back, Castle already grinning, and two guys in black, hoods and masks pulled up over their faces, jump in front of the kids, weapons flashing.

Dashiell screams like a girl, a little hysterical, and Kate nudges him in the ribs, an eyebrow raising as if to say, _Like father, like son._ Which he does not appreciate (but finds true nonetheless, sigh). Ellery, of course, stands there and takes it, fierce and dark, but Castle can see she's squeezing Dashiell's hand tightly, knuckles white. _Like her mother._

Kate steps up behind them, nudging the kids forward, and the ninjas fall back with a little bow, and then one gestures to the walkway, while the other indicates the door. The walkway is another gauntlet run, and Castle waits to see what the kids will choose.

Ellery tugs Dashiell towards the walkway, of course she does, and they all troop across for the maze-like Indiana Jones-type ruins. In the shadows and around every corner, another ninja waits, jumping out at them, scaring the kids silly. They're dressed as peasants or in dark green gear, some are in the classic all black uniform, and they sneak up behind the kids at every opportunity. Dashiell is giggling nonstop, breathless and clinging to Kate's hand, but Ellery is the one ranging ahead like a scout, flinching but not stopping.

Alexis is at Castle's back, her fingers hooked in his elbow, jumping when another ninja screams and flashes his throwing stars. Rick pats her hand with a grin and follows Kate and the little kids through to the restaurant's main floor.

A ninja girl is waiting to seat them; they're shown a private little hut of a circular booth, and all five of them slide inside as the ninja girl lays out menus. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, the ninja is screaming, "Hi-ya!" and plunging a fake knife into Castle's neck.

Ellery gasps, rigid in the booth across from him, but Dashiell has seen this before and he falls over with giggles, draped all over Allie as he tries to hold it together.

"Now that I have your attention," the waitress begins. "I'll let you look over the menu and bring back your ninja water. Be careful though - the silverware has a way of disappearing."

"Disappearing?" Ella asks. She's only been one time that Castle can remember, but he's brought Dashiell at least three times since November when they discovered this place.

"My ninja friends like to take your knives. Your forks. Everyone should use chopsticks, that's what we say."

Their waitress disappears, slinks back into the darkness of the place, and Castle turns to Ellery.

"I'm okay, Ella. See? Not a scratch." He twists so she can see his neck and her little body relaxes back into the booth.

"Not a scratch," she echoes.

Kate gives him a grateful look and he reaches over to slide his hand over her knee. Somehow Allie got stuck on the other side of the round booth with the two kids at either hand. But Kate is sitting right beside him, Dash between her and Allie.

"It's like a ninja movie in here," Dash says suddenly. "I love it. I love it. This is the best day I've ever had in my whole life."

Castle grins at Kate, their fingers tangling briefly under the table. "Your whole life, huh?" He glances at Alexis and she's grinning as well. "Laser tag Initiation was a success, even if you did cheat and get Mom on your team."

Dash only beams at his mother. "She's good. Why don't you play with us, Momma?"

"No one ever asked me if I wanted to," she says back, but she's squeezing Rick's hand preemptively under the table, silencing him.

"I ask! I can ask right now. You wanna play Laser Tag too?"

"Well, it's kinda Daddy and Allie's thing. And now it's yours too."

Castle tugs on her fingers until she looks at him swiftly. He speaks low, under his breath so the kids don't overhear. "Kate. It can be your thing too. You always disappeared when Alexis and I played." She used to take Dash to her father's or out to the park, the two of them, back before Alexis moved to Chicago.

Kate smiles softly at him. "Didn't want to intrude on you guys."

"Never," he says fiercely, squeezing her hand tighter. Kate only looks at him, all gentle and adoring eyes, and he leans forward-

"Are you guys gonna kissy-face in here? Come on, Dad. Don't ruin it."

Castle shoots a sharp glance to his son, then finishes what he started, leaning in to give Kate a loud kiss on her lips. Even as Dashiell groans and moans in the booth.

"If I play laser tag, what happens to Ella?" she says quietly, stroking his face as he pulls away. "Maybe when she gets her own Initiation Day, then I'll play. Whole family."

"Holding you to it." He dances his eyebrows at her, pleased.

She smirks back. "You're gonna rue the day, baby."


	20. Chapter 20

"I told Dashiell he could read quietly in his room until he felt sleepy," Castle tells her.

Kate nods. "I took half a pill. I'm gonna crash. Soon. Now." She can barely stay upright.

"I thought we were going to talk, Kate," he sighs.

She blinks through sudden, ridiculous tears and looks up at him. "I can't. I can't do that, Castle. Please don't make me-"

"Whoa, okay. All right. Forget it." He's at the side of the bed and crouching down next to her, his fingers running through her hair, other hand at her shoulder. She sways and tries to see past the haze that comes up between them.

"So tired, Rick."

"Okay, babe. All right. Never mind. Tomorrow; we'll do this tomorrow."

He pushes on her and she sinks back down into the bed. "My shoes-"

"I got it, Kate."

She feels him sliding her shoes off, his fingers at her jeans then, tugging her pants down. She rouses and helps him, wonders if the half she took was bigger than it should've been. Her head rolls on her neck and she laughs. "Oh God, I'm - I feel drunk."

He laughs back, his hands sliding up her sides and untangling her shirt from her torso. "You sound drunk, babe."

"Don't babe me, jeez. All the time," she mutters, then yawns and curls into the bed.

"Underwear off or on?"

"I'm good. Just let me stay right here."

"You want a clean shirt?"

"Ohhh, that'd be nice. You're so sweet," she murmurs, opening her eyes to watch him grab a tshirt from the dresser. She struggles upright and slips it on over her head, winces. "My bra. I don't wanna sleep in it."

"I can take it off."

"Uh-huh, you sure can," she grins at him. He sighs and rolls his eyes at her; the sight makes her giggle at him-

Ohhh shit. She giggled. She is seriously drugged.

"Castle. I think I took too much."

"Yeah, I'd say so. I thought we agreed half a pill."

"I thought it was. I did. It - maybe it was bigger than that. I don't know. I kinda just hacked at it with a knife. Ohhh, shit, shit, shit. I have to work tomorrow."

"Maybe you should take Monday off."

"Nooooo."

"Kate. Go to bed. It's ten; I bet you'll sleep it off."

"Oh, you're good. You got my bra off and I didn't even feel it." She pouts at him and curls her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. "Too bad. I really-"

"No, babe. Not with you like this. I love you, but I can't take you giggling at me while I'm trying to-"

She laughs and hooks her arm around his neck, drags him down into her. "Sleep with me, at least, yeah? I miss you."

"How can you miss me? I'm right here."

"All day without you." She feels her body sinking into the bed, flutters her eyes open and sees he's crawled into bed with her with his clothes on. He's really very sweet. Such a sweet man.

"You didn't need me," he laughs, his mouth at her cheek, feathering at her temple. "You and Ellery had a good day. She told me all about it when I put her down for bed."

"Didn't need you, but I wanted you. Always want you."

"Yeah, you're loopy. You'd never say this to me if you were sober."

"Perfectly sober," she sighs, turning roughly onto her side to curl around him. He's warm. So nice and warm. And he smells like home, like him, like laundry and cologne and their kids. "Love you. Don't wanna know."

"Don't want to know what, babe?"

"Don't wanna know what Roy said. I can't, Castle. I can't go back there. Here is too good."

She feels his fingers stroke her cheek even as black dark sleep slips over her.

"You don't have to go back, Kate. I won't make you go back. But you do have to know the truth."

* * *

She won't call in, even though he can tell that she feels like crap after the effects of the pain pill. He kisses her forehead as she steps out of the shower, hands her the towel. She wraps it slowly around her body and gives him a grateful, if cautious look.

"I'll take Dash to preschool, and then Ellery and I will run errands. You just focus on. . .you."

She sighs and brings her hand up to scrape through her wet hair, winces and stops herself just in time. Wrong hand. He takes her by the wrist gently, flips her palm over to look at it.

"It's okay," she murmurs.

"Looks pretty bad."

"Just healing. Sloughing off the dead skin."

He hates that it actually hurts him. But it does. It hurts him that she's hurt, and even more, it hurts him that she's using it as a shield, a way to hide from the truth.

"Kate. You're strong," he starts, feeling like it's now or never. "You can take it. Whatever the truth ends up being, you need to know."

"I don't-"

"You can. But I'll give you until tonight. I know you feel bad. Get dressed, go to work, do your job. But after the kids are in bed, we're talking about this."

She sighs and leans forward, her forehead coming to rest against him. She's still wet from the shower and she dampens his collar; he can feel his shirt getting plastered to his chest.

Still he raises his other arm and hugs her around the shoulders, kisses the top of her head. "It's not like you, Kate. Not like you to run away from finding the truth."

"This is different, Castle. I made a choice to live _this _life. Not the other one."

"They aren't mutually exclusive, babe."

"I think they are," she whispers, and then she lifts her head to stare at him. "You don't know. You didn't see what it was like for me."

"Okay, I know. But I won't let that happen to you this time. The kids won't let that happen. Jeez, you think Ellery, for one second, is going to let you disappear? Not-uh, no way."

She gives him a flicker of a smile, presses her lips together. He can still see fear in the back of her eyes, and that makes him hurt for her as well.

"Ella's been sticking like glue to me lately," she murmurs.

"Yeah."

"And Dash-"

"And me," he adds. "You have me."

She slides her uninjured hand against his cheek; she looks both supremely fragile and brilliantly strong at the same time. He doesn't know how she does that.

"Okay," she says softly. "Tonight. Whatever it is."

He nods. It ruins his plans for tonight, but this needs to be done first.

* * *

Ellery watches him as he parks the car; Dashiell is hopping around like mad back there.

"Dashiell. What did I tell you about taking your seatbelt off?"

"Uh. Not to. But I-"

"Get back in your seat, seatbelt on, until I tell you differently."

Dash grumbles, but he accepts his punishment and slides back into his seat. Ahh, the little punk didn't actually unbuckle his seatbelt; he just slipped out.

Castle gets out of the car and opens the back door on Ellery's side. "You're not going today, little cricket, but you can help me walk Dash inside."

"You could just drop me off in carline. That's what Mom does."

"Yeah, but if I did that, then I couldn't walk you in."

Dash rolls his eyes. Wow. Just like this mother. "That's the point, Dad."

"Too bad. You're stuck with me." Castle unbuckles Ella slowly, making Dash suffer through it, still wriggling in his booster seat, moaning about how he's going to be the last one. Ellery seems to totally understand too, which is awesome. He's got awesome kids.

Seriously. Awesome kids.

Even Dash and his annoying inability to follow directions.

"Come on Ella-grace-"

"Kate. It's Ella Kate," she says heatedly. "Not grace. Not bean. Not-"

"Okay, okay, baby girl. Getting picky about the name. Got it."

"Picky? I not know."

"Picky means. . ."

"It means you know what you like," Dash pipes up, hanging onto the driver's seat headrest and leaning as far out as his seatbelt will allow him.

"Yes, exactly, Dash. Thank you."

"That's what you told me."

"I was right."

"Or maybe it was Mom."

"More likely. Mom's usually smarter about that kind of thing."

"But you're a good dictionary, Dad. I like it when you tell me what words mean."

He grins back at his son. "Okay, you got me. Seatbelt can come off. Get on out."

"Yes!" Dashiell fist pumps and slithers out of his seatbelt, pops open the door, and hops out.

"Wait for me at the front of the car," Castle calls out, hoisting Ellery out of her seat and into his arms. He shuts Ella's door and walks towards the hood, fingers curling into the strap at Dash's backpack, following his son inside.

Dash has the keycard and swipes it in, then tugs open the door when the light turns green. For a time, they thought the kid might be red-green colorblind (happens often to boys with Dash's issues), because whenever the light went green, he didn't seem to know that was the time to open the door.

Turned out he couldn't actually see the panel way up there from his height. Kate figured that one out after a few months of quiet angst and Castle's panicking. He still can't look at the keycard without feeling that associating rush of dread.

Ellery lays her head against his shoulder, yawns, and wriggles down into him a little more. Castle signs in Dash for his classroom even as his son hands over the keycard without a backwards glance, off and running for his hallway.

"Not even a good-bye," he mutters to Ella. "Did you see that?" At least he still has baby girl, even if she is getting picky about the nicknames.

"Not see anything, Daddy. Eyes closed."

He turns to look at her and she's practically dozing against him. Castle kisses her cheek and heads for the door, steps outside once more. "You gotta wake up, baby girl. We have important things to do today."

"'Portant things?"

"We're picking up Mommy's new wedding ring."

"Ohhhh," she awes, and lifts her head to blink at him. "I sleep after that?"

"Sure, cricket. Sleep after that."

"Mommy's ring is pretty?"

"I think so." He opens the back door and lowers her into the seat, careful of her head.

"She think so?"

"We'll see how it goes. Mommy and Daddy have an anniversary coming up."

"I not know." She wriggles back in her seat and helps him put the straps over her arms.

"No, I know you don't know what that word means. Anniversary means a day that we celebrate when Mommy and Daddy got married."

Her little hands attempt the buckle first, but her eyes come up to look at him seriously. "I not there. Dash was there."

"That's true. You weren't born yet. Dash was a little baby."

"Him a little baby?" Ella scrunches up her nose as she says it.

"I know; it's hard to imagine, right? And he was loud. He talked talked talked."

"Cause he want his Daddy."

"Hmm, sounds like Mommy has told you this story."

"Mommy tells me stories."

"Good idea to get her version. Mommy's more likely to be accurate."

Ella sighs as he finishes buckling her in; she looks put-out with him. "Daddy, I not know that either."

She doesn't know. . . "Oh, accurate? That means Mommy's stories are more likely to be the closest to how it actually happened. More truthful."

Ella stares at him, shock traveling over her face. "You lie?"

"No, no. Not at all. I embellish the truth. Which means I tell stories. You know how Daddy has all those books?"

"You write books. You sell the best."

He grins at her, ducks in to kiss her nose. "That's right. I'm a best-seller."

"No lie?"

"No lie. Just lots of stories, telling the truth in the best way possible." He checks her straps even as she yawns again.

"Let's get Mommy's ring."

"Yes, let's do that. Then you can sleep, sweet girl."


	21. Chapter 21

"Why this?" Ellery asks, scrunching up her nose and putting it to the glass.

Castle lets her because he feels a peevish sense of _so there_ directed at the jeweler for the man's irritable and snooty attitude throughout these past few months. So, yes, Castle was having trouble narrowing it down when he thought Kate wanted to be a part of the decision-making process, but now that it's his responsibility alone, it's gone strangely quickly.

"Why this ring?" he asks his daughter, asking for clarification.

"Uh-huh. Why, Daddy?"

"Because it has two stones in it. A black diamond and a blue diamond."

"I not know," she sighs.

"Okay, sorry, cricket. You see how it has two colors?"

"Yes, pretty."

"Good. Pretty is good. Well, one is for you and one is for Dash."

"I can have blue?"

Uh-oh. That's actually his thinking too, because of their eye colors, because it's him and Kate as well, but he didn't think about how the kids might fight over this. "Uh. . .what if Dash wants blue?"

"I have blue."

Castle shifts her in his arms, glances up at the jeweler who seems to have gotten something stuck in his throat. He looks ready to strangle them both.

"You know what, Ella? How about you guys take turns being each color?"

"I can have blue first?"

"Sure. You can have blue first." And hopefully never talk about this with Dash. Right.

"What else?" Ellery says, smearing her fingerprints over the glass and lifting her head to look at her father.

"Just the ring, baby." He raises a finger to the jeweler and the man comes forward. "It looks great, thank you for all your help. I'll take it now."

Custom-made setting, the stones he picked out himself, and this jeweler is looking at him like he's a huge pain in the ass. Fine. Whatever. He's got Kate's ring at least. And it's inscribed, just as he instructed.

He reads the words again, and he's reminded of that afternoon run in the park, and the way they fell into the rhythms of each other, and how it's worked, just worked, when they take the effort to put the work into it.

Into each other.

He hopes she sees that in this ring.

* * *

"Mommy is still at work, baby girl."

"We bring her lunch."

"No, Ellery." He sighs and scoots her forward in line at the counter, using Kate's trick of nudging her with his knee. It works because he isn't directly telling Ella what to do; she's too stubborn for that. They've resorted to being manipulative. "We aren't bringing her lunch. This is our lunch, you and me."

"Why we not bring her lunch and give Mommy her ring?"

"Ohh, no, no, cricket. That ring is her present. It's kind of a surprise, okay? You have to keep that between us."

Ellery glances up at her father with a little devious smile. "My secret?"

"Yes. Exactly. Our secret."

"Our secret," she repeats. "But lunch?"

He glances up at the menu written in chalk behind the register, then at the little girl clinging to his jeans pocket. Dashiell is the demonstrative one, the kid who will cry and cuddle and make a fuss over his emotions (Kate would say just like his father, but no, he doesn't _cry_ or anything. . .well, okay, yes, Dash takes after him).

But Ellery is affected just as much by the unhappiness, the grief, the pain of Kate's accident; it's just harder to get at with her. Like her mother.

So if Ella needs to see Mommy, then Castle needs to give her that, reassure her and let her know everything is okay just like he would do for Kate. "Okay, fine. We'll bring Mommy lunch. But no ring. No ring. Got it?"

"No ring. Lunch."

Castle slides up to the counter and leans down to pick up his daughter. He gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and places their order.

* * *

After she gets Castle's text, Kate carves out some time she really doesn't have and heads down to the lobby to meet them. Castle is right on time, Ellery in his arms, and the little girl tries to lean into her past security. Kate stops them and instead comes around, giving Castle a questioning look and reaching for her daughter.

"You guys brought me lunch, huh?"

"Just lunch," Ella says, her eyebrows going up.

"Oh. Okay. Just lunch then." She glances to him and Castle is rolling his eyes. Something going on there. "What'd you bring me?"

"We bring lunch!"

Kate grins at her daughter and hugs her tighter. "Yeah, got that, sweetheart. I mean, what kind of lunch is it?"

"I not know. Daddy did it."

Kate turns an amused glance to Castle and he grins back at her. "Mexican. From Rosa's. I got your usual."

"Oh, the boys are gonna kill you-"

"I brought them lunch too," Castle says, smirking at her.

"Mm, my smart man." She smirks back at him, leans in to press a soft kiss to his happy mouth. "I think the little one can go upstairs today. Let me call up and make sure while you guys go through security. Ellery, baby, stay with Daddy until you get screened."

"I scream?"

Kate grins and kisses Ella even as she hands the girl back to her father. "Screened. With the metal detector, remember? Daddy has to empty all his pockets."

"Oh, the 'tector. I know the 'tector."

"You got her?" Kate murmurs to Castle, meeting his eyes. He looks excited, and it's more than bringing her lunch.

"Yeah. Call up."

Kate gets waved back through security and she pulls out her phone to call Esposito. "Castle brought lunch."

"Castle rocks. You did good marrying that dude."

She laughs. "Uh-huh. He's got Ella with him - is the floor clear?"

"Uh, actually, we got one guy going down to Lock-up right now. So give it a second."

"Thanks, Espo." Her eyes track Castle as he goes through security; Ellery gets down to walk through the metal detector all by herself - her insistence apparently. "Tell me when."

Esposito grumbles to someone on the other end, then comes back to her. "What did he bring us?"

"Rosa's." Castle is nudging Ellery towards her as he gathers up the bags of food.

"Oh man. Yo - Ryan! Castle brought us Rosa's! Ooh, hey, Ryan says the dude's already down in lock-up, Beckett. He went down two minutes ago. Let me check to make sure."

Castle approaches her with both eyebrows raised; she holds up one finger to make him pause, then reaches down and snags Ellery before she can run for the elevators.

"Yeah, floor is clear, Beckett. Bring her up."

Kate ends the call and reaches down to take Ellery's hand. "Okay, guys. Let's go upstairs."

"I sit at your desk?"

"You promise not to be messy with your food?"

"I not messy."

"Okay then. Sure. You can sit at my desk, cricket."

* * *

Kate studies her daughter as the little girl swings around in the chair, making it circle again and again, her head rocking back to the seat on a giggle with centrifugal force.

The chair begins to slow. "Again!"

"Nope. Last time; I told you. You're gonna be sick."

"I not sick. Again, Mommy!"

"No. Settle down and eat your lunch."

Kate reaches out and snags the desk chair before Ellery can push off; she gives her daughter a long, hard look and Ella scowls, crossing her arms and staring down at her food in mute rebellion.

Castle chuckles at Kate's other side, both of them sitting on the edge of her desk to eat, and she glances over at him, eyebrow raised. "So why the sudden visit?"

"Ellery asked. I think she's a little needy today."

"Oh?" Kate glances at the girl over her shoulder. "Sulky more like."

"Just a sense." He shrugs and elbows her. "How's the case?"

"Stalled out. We got another body a couple hours ago, so we're working both."

"Oh. Sorry. Not a good time to come-"

"I'm glad you did, though," she says honestly, reaches out to smooth her hand down his chest. "Might have been missing you a little."

He grins, lopsided and cute, and she flicks a glance around the room before deeming it safe enough to lean in and kiss him, slowly, with relish.

Whistles greet her move, and she sighs into Castle's mouth and leans back, rolling her eyes. Real regret shines back at her and she has to laugh - it's been years since they got up to anything in the 12th while she's on duty.

"Dream on, Castle," she murmurs, enjoying the delicious thrill of having him _want_ her. Rather badly too.

She reaches up and smudges his bottom lip, just because she likes the satiny feel of his mouth, and he kisses the pad of her thumb, his eyes clever.

"Oh, I am, Kate. In vivid detail." He leans in a bit closer. "The women's bathroom. First stall. The day after-"

"Oh jeez," she mutters, feeling dizzy and breathless just at the memory. "That was cruel."

"Uh-huh. You deserve it, kissing me like that."

She still can't help the grin that spreads across her face and thankfully, Ryan and Esposito are studiously not watching, eating their lunches at their own desks.

"I want to be alone with you," she murmurs back, watching his eyes dilate. "Soon. Schedule it, Castle."

He laughs and grins at her. "Actually. We need a date night. I already asked Alexis and Rafe and they said they'd baby-sit for us-"

"Oh, but I hate to do that to them. Their place is so small, Castle-"

"I think, actually - this is off subject, but Alexis mentioned something that she and Mother wanted to talk to you about. In regards to the apartment."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah. Allie was going to call you."

She grins over at him and he rolls his eyes at her - he said Allie and he didn't mean to. It's been slipping out lately. She loves it.

"Date night?" she reminds him.

"Yeah. Tuesday?"

"Tomorrow?"

"I'm meeting Raglan tomorrow afternoon, so after that-"

She shivers and is reminded that they still have to talk today about Montgomery. And Raglan is tomorrow too? She isn't happy about that, but he thinks he's trying to help. He thinks she needs this. Fine. "I'll try to - the case, Castle, I don't know that I can get off-"

"Sure you do, Kate." His eyebrows knit. "Just like lunch today. Either you make time for us or you don't."

She presses her fingers into the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. He's right; he is. She asked him to call her out on these things, and he's right. Even though that felt a little harsh.

"Okay," she says quietly. "Tuesday night."

"Thank you." But he sounds put out about it. He sounds upset with her. This probably has more to do with the fact that she's been actively avoiding the Montgomery conversation than her not putting date night above the case. Though that's definitely in the mix too.

She drops the uneaten part of her burrito into the trash and slides her right hand into his, squeezing hard. He's still, quiet beside her, but he's not eating either. She waits him out, and after a few moments he dumps his food in the trash as well, squeezes her hand back.

She stares at the floor until she can think of something to say. "I do want to."

"I know," he says softly, an _apology accepted_ in his voice.

"You have something planned, don't you? And I might ruin it."

He sighs, but she can tell that's it. So he's half mad at himself for planning something when he knows that she truly has difficulty getting home on time in the middle of a case. Not to mention two. The case breaks or a new lead pops up and she's stuck in the field at seven instead of at the loft.

"I'll be there. What time?"

He's silent for a moment more, and then he laces their fingers together. "I - I'd like to start at five."

_Five?_

"But," he continues. "I can push it back to six. Can you - is that okay?"

She leans in, this time not even caring who might be looking, and she presses her mouth to his cheek, tenderly. "Yes. I'll be there by six."

"I should've thought before-"

"You're okay, Castle. You wanted to do something sweet." She strokes her fingers through the hair at his temple, greying more than last year, but it highlights his eyes, makes his smile so beautiful it hurts. "I appreciate how you love me," she adds quietly.

He gives her that smile then, quick and secretive and _all is forgiven_, and his hand squeezes hers. "We'll go. Before Ellery makes herself sick. Walk us down, babe?"

"Don't babe me in the precinct," she grumbles at him, but stands as he does and nudges him with her hip.

"I'll babe you wherever I like," he boasts, smirking at her.

"Uh-huh, you're walking down alone," she tosses back.

"I no leave!" Ella yells.

Ohhhh, okay. There it is. Castle was right.

Kate turns around and regards Ellery, the stubborn set to her jaw and glittering fierceness in her eyes. Beneath that is the neediness. Kate can actually see her daughter struggling against it, trying to be brave and strong, to not give in.

But Ellery was so strong and brave for her brother these past few days, and now that things have settled, the accident with the hot dish is coming home to her.

Kate squats down in front of her chair and Ellery avoids her eyes. She reaches out a hand, making sure it's the uninjured one, and gently strokes Ella's hair. "Okay baby. Castle, why don't you start down? Boys - Espo - make yourselves scarce?"

Rick gets it; he's already collecting their trash and dumping it, giving her a quick kiss good-bye even as Ellery struggles to remain indignant and stubborn. At a look from Castle, the boys head for the conference room (she'll have to explain about that later, how Ella can't stand for people to see her weak), and all that's left in the bullpen are a few detectives that Ellery doesn't even know.

When Castle disappears around the corner, heading for the elevator, her little girl pitches forward off the chair and into Kate's arms. "I not leaving. No, no, no!"

"Okay, baby girl. I know you don't want to leave." Kate soothes, stroking her hand through her hair and standing up.

"I stay here."

"Lunch was fun, Ellery Kate. Thank you for bringing it to me and Tio and Uncle Ryan. You're a very sweet girl to think of us."

"I _stay_," she insists, but now her face is buried in Kate's shoulder, her arms around her mother's neck.

Kate's already heading towards the elevator; Castle has it open and ready, waiting on them. He gives her a soft sigh and lifts his hand to rest it against Ellery's back for just a moment.

Kate puts her mouth to Ella's ear. "It's okay, baby. It's okay."

The hitch in her breathing is the only indication that Ellery's about to break down.

Castle presses the button for the lobby and Kate estimates she's got about twenty seconds to make her daughter even out again.

"Your finger nails still black sparkles?"

A ragged breath at her neck. "Ye-es."

"Let me see."

Ellery squirms, but she lifts up, displaying her hands. "See?"

"Ohh, they're looking so good. See mine? Still sparkly black too." Kate slowly wriggles the fingers of her injured hand in front of Ellery's nose and then tweaks it. She sees a faint glimmer of a smile.

Ella studies the shiny black polish, then reaches out to brush her fingers along the back of her mother's burned hand. Kate waits for whatever comes next.

"It hurt so much, Mommy?"

"Just some," she lies.

"It still hurt?"

"Just some," she answers, and at least that is the truth.

Ellery sighs and lays her head back down on Kate's shoulder. Castle gives her a look over the top of their daughter's head but Kate shrugs.

Discussion seems to be over, but she's not sure that it fixed anything.

Kate brushes her lips along Ellery's cheek as the elevator doors open on the lobby; she follows Castle out. At the exit, she squeezes her daughter in a last hug and kisses her again.

"Okay, my beautiful girl. Go home with your daddy. I think he could use a hug from his brave girl."

Ellery immediately throws herself into Castle's arms, squeezing tight. He huffs and gives Kate a crooked smile, then waves as he pushes open the door, the girl snuggled up to him.

"See you tonight," she calls after them.

Ellery's eyes are on her mother even then, her little face peering over Castle's shoulder, and Kate doesn't turn around, doesn't head back upstairs. She stays there at the door, watching, until they are out of sight.


	22. Chapter 22

"Take me simming."

Castle glances up from his laptop to the little girl standing prettily, hands behind her back all demure, her eyes so round and blue and bewitching.

"Do what, cricket?"

"Take me simming."

She brings her swimsuit out from behind her back, dangling between two fingers, the black and pink one she wore practically every day at the beach.

"Ahh, swimming. Suh-wimming. Can you say that?"

She raises both eyebrows at him, mute.

He sighs, thinks about fighting her for it, thinks about giving in. Decides to fight this one. "Come on, cricket. There's a 'w' in there and I know you can say those."

"I not know."

"Sure you do. Suh-wimming. Swimming."

Ellery's jaw works as she stares at him, evidently trying to decide if it's worth it - the battle.

"I'll take you swimming if you can say the word."

Something flickers in her eyes and he knows what that means. Expect retaliation at some point - at some far-flung future event, this will come back to haunt him.

He is _not_ afraid of his three-year old. Kate, sure. Sometimes he is. Ellery? No.

Of course, it's patently obvious she's not afraid of him either.

"Ellery."

"I not know."

"Swimming," he says clearly. "Or even just swim."

"Sssssswim."

"Good job! See how easy that was?"

"Now take me simming."

He raises an eyebrow, but he does remember that wasn't the deal. Still, Ellery gets it, huffs at him, practically rolling her eyes (she's such a little diva sometimes, a teenager in a toddler's body).

"Swimming. Daddy. Take me swimming, please?"

"Okay, Ellery. Thanks for indulging your old dad. Need help with your swimsuit?"

She shakes her head and starts stripping in his study, dropping clothes in the floor as she goes. "I can do it."

He laughs. "Okay, well. Let me get my trunks on while you. . .do that." He checks his email one last time and then saves his document just in case. Ellery is already wriggling into her swim bottoms, ruffled pink, and Castle closes his laptop.

He picks up his phone and instagrams a quick picture of Ella with both arms waving, dancing the straps up her shoulders, then sends that to Kate.

Ellery puts her hands on her hips. "Go, Daddy."

"Yes, right. I'm going. You want to go pick out beach towels for us?"

"I do that."

"Thanks." Castle heads for their bedroom and hunts for his swim trunks, finds them buried at the bottom of a drawer. He tugs them on and ties the drawstring, pulls the shirt off his head to grab a ratty tshirt instead. Then he pulls on some sweatpants over the trunks, searches around for a long-sleeved tshirt. It is winter out there, even if they're swimming.

He comes back out and finds Ellery in the kitchen, standing in front of the open pantry door with her towel dragging behind her, another one in a puddle near the door.

She has the lizard cradled in one arm, and he wonders if she left Linc outside in the living room while she asked him to take her swimming. If so, she's entirely too clever for her own good. Or for his. Probably too clever for _his_ good.

"Hey, baby, Abe Lincoln can't go swimming with us. The pool people won't let him in."

She shoots him a look over her shoulder. "I know."

"Okay. Just making sure."

"Him a dragon, Daddy. Dragons not swim-" Swim! Ha. She said it. "-dragons fly."

"Oh yes, they do. Very good point."

He comes over to her at the pantry door and peers inside as well.

"I can have a snack?"

"To take with us?"

"Yes."

"Sure," he answers easily. "What do you want? Wheat chips, goldfish-"

"Goldfish, Daddy. The chocolate ones?"

He hesitates, but shrugs at her and pulls out the chocolate goldfish, hands them down to her. "Sure. Have a water bottle somewhere, baby?"

"In here," she says trailing her towel towards the living room and scooping up her black camelbak bottle from the coffee table. Probably where the lizard was. Gross.

"Okay, put both of those in the bag by the door. Then you'll need to put your clothes on over your swimsuit, baby girl. It's cold outside."

Ellery painstakingly arranges the goldfish and her water bottle inside, all the while hanging on to her lizard.

He reminds himself to pack some antibacterial stuff and goes to finds their coats.

Ugh. Lizards.

* * *

Castle throws her up in the air, so high, and her face is that exquisite combination of thrill and terror, and then she's past his reach, at the pinnacle of her arc, and her eyes are so wide and breathless and overjoyed.

Then Ellery is falling, going deep under, and her little body bobs back up, her face breaking the water, her shoulders, her eyes opening and lashes jeweled with droplets, and she squeals as she swims back to him.

"Again, Daddy! Again!"

He scoops her out of the water and tosses her a few times, catching her again, just so she won't know when the moment will happen, when he might let her go for real. She flings her arms out at the top, curls in when he catches her again; her whole being lighting up.

The inside pool at their private community center is enclosed on three sides with glass walls, letting in whatever winter sun can reach it. The pool is heated, and the light is pale yellow and barely even touching the surface of the water. Ellery giggles again, and he tosses her high, so high, her arms windmilling as she comes back down.

She sinks under the water, a long way down actually, and then her little arms and legs work and she's popping back up. He grins down at her as she swims towards him, reaches out to scoop her up.

"Again?"

She wipes water out of her eyes with both hands as he hauls her to his chest. Instead of the strident demand for more, she wraps her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly.

"I do love you."

"Oh, thank you, baby girl. I do love you too." He kisses her back and she squirms.

"Again, Daddy."

* * *

She's shivering on the cold tile, water streaming down her legs, her arms, her hair as Castle wraps a towel around her thin shoulders. He tucks it up under her chin and tugs her closer to him, rubbing his hands up and down her back to warm her up.

"Okay there, cricket?"

"Coooold," she mutters, leaning forward to tuck her face into his neck, wet and small against him.

He picks her up, still rubbing her back, and then grabs the bag from the chaise lounge, his towel, swinging them both over his shoulder. Ellery is wriggling down into him, seeking warmth, and he can feel her teeth chattering at his shoulder.

He's soaked to the skin as well, but he takes her into the family changing room, avoiding the men's locker room. Once inside, the carpet, though easy-to-clean industrial, is easier on his feet and soaks up the pool water. He sets Ella down on the bench running along the wall cubbies, unwraps her from the towel, and then pulls out their stuff.

"Mommy likes it when we shower off," she says.

"Yeah, she does. Get you clean before going home." Also, Kate has this thing about chlorine staying on their skin, mostly because of Dash. But if Ellery resists-

"I like the shower."

"Okay then. Shower it is." He wasn't sure - sometimes Ellery pitches a fit when it's just him. She has moods, and if she's not having it, she's not having it. She likes taking showers though. "Here, we'll go in our swimsuits so we wash out the chlorine."

He scrubs the towel over her head, making her giggle, and then helps her hop down off the bench. They head towards the showers and Castle turns one on, twisting it warmer, and then steps inside the spray, blocking most of it. Ellery lifts a foot and carefully comes in after him, looking all delicate and prim. So not Ella.

He waits until she's standing in the water, then runs his fingers through her hair, sluicing out the chlorine, making sure she's good and soaked. After a minute, she's dancing from foot to foot over the tiles, water running down into her eyes.

"Okay, you're warmed up. Strip off your swimsuit and get out, cricket."

She follows his instructions and hands him her suit; he rings it out as she runs towards their clothes.

"Hey, hey. Slow down, speedy."

"I not speedy."

"Then you shouldn't be running, should you?" He follows her out, squeezing the pant legs of his own trunks as he does. "Okay, clothes on quickly. Before you get cold again."

She jumps into her underwear, still hopping around, and then sits down on the floor to get one leg into her corduroy pants. Turquoise. She has her own mind when it comes to clothes, that's for sure. Kate always slaps him in the chest when he tries to guide her into better choices.

He checks out the dressing room, but it's empty, so he goes ahead and strips quickly, pulls on his clothes before anyone can come inside. There are changing rooms, but the place is usually deserted.

Ellery wriggles under the bench after her socks and Castle buttons up his maroon dress shirt, neglects to tuck it in as he reaches for his own socks. "Where's your coat, kiddo?"

"Umm, somewhere."

He shakes his head at her and searches around in the bag, but it's not there. "Seriously, cricket. Coat."

"Umm, dunno, Daddy."

Castle gets up and shrugs on his own coat, arms extended as he scans the changing room for her black peacoat. It's got a purple hoodie that zips in, so it shouldn't be that hard to-

"Ah-ha. Here it is. Come 'ere, Baby Bird."

"I not a bird. Birds are gross, Daddy."

"You've been talking to your mother." Kate has a thing about birds. Now that he thinks about it, Kate has a lot of things. A lot of rules; she can be kind of a control freak. He likes to mess with her.

"I not know," Ella says, scrunching up her face at him as she holds out her arms for the coat. "Birds poop. And eat trash on the sidewalk. And get too close, follow me 'round the park."

"You're talking about pigeons, baby girl."

"What?"

"Those birds? Those are pigeons. There are other birds. Birds that are prettier, not so scary."

She tilts her head at him, allows him to button up her coat. "I not know, Daddy. Birds are gross."

"Okay, sure. Birds are gross." It depresses him a little to think his daughter considers pigeons to encompass all species of birds. He'll have to fix that. "Ready to go ho-"

Uh-oh. Castle fishes his phone out of the bag and clicks it on. Oh darn.

"Actually, little pigeon, we gotta run get Dash from preschool. Hurry and get your shoes on."

* * *

Dashiell gives them a narrow-eyed look when Castle drives up to the pick-up window.

"You went swimming."

"We did!" Ellery crows, throwing up both arms.

"Baby-" he sighs, but Dashiell is stomping into his carseat, kicking his feet against the back of Castle's seat as he buckles himself in. "Dash."

"No fair."

"I know."

"I need to swim too."

"I know."

"It _helps_ me."

"It does, yes."

"It's for my _issues._"

Castle growls back at him, half-turning in the seat to give the boy a glare. "No more excuses. Mom would put you in time-out for that, Dashiell."

"It's true though. Not an excuse if it's true." The boy slings his backpack into the floorboard and crosses his arms. He's buckled in though.

Castle puts his car in drive and pulls away from the pick-up door, heads towards the exit lane and back to the long loop that circles the church preschool. "Dashiell, I don't want to hear you using it as an excuse for pouting and throwing a fit. You don't get to do that. Everyone has issues."

"I want to swim."

"You're not swimming today. Maybe if you stop pitching a fit, maybe, tomorrow or sometime this week."

"How come the baby gets to-"

"I not a baby. You a baby."

"You're the one who won't talk like a-"

"Dashiell." He warns the boy then, flicks his eyes to the rear view mirror, catches Ellery's look. "Ellery Kate."

"I not do it. Him say-"

"Ellery, stop poking your brother. He's being a bear."

Dashiell growls like one and Ellery giggles, which somehow breaks the mood. Dash flips to chatty and happy then, starting in with a story about a girl who kissed his cheek on the playground and then drew him a picture-

"You bring the picture home?" Castle asks, grinning to himself.

"Yeah, course."

"Is it good?"

"Dad, she's the best draw-er in our class." Dash says it like it's a foregone conclusion that any girl with a crush on him would _have_ to be the best at something.

"Of course she is." He slides his phone out and calls Kate, snapping the phone into the hands-free holder. Kate answers, and he punches on the speaker.

"What is it, Castle? I'm-"

"Your son has something to tell you."

"What?"

"Dashiell, tell Mom about Jessie."

"Jessie?" Kate asks.

"She's a girl at my school," Dash says.

"What did she do?"

Castle is grinning when it comes.

"She kissed me! I got girl cooties."

Kate breaks into laughter; he can hear her stifling it. "Hm, okay. How are those girl cooties treating you, kiddo?"

"I - I think I'm okay? I don't know."

"Uh-huh. Castle."

"Yeah? Wait. Dash, did-"

"Okay, guys," Kate interrupts. "I have to go. Have to. I'll call you back, let you know about dinner."

"Bye, Mommy!"

"Oh, hey there, baby girl. Good to hear your voice, but. . .Bye-bye."

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye, Kate," he says softly, picking up the phone once more and taking her off speaker. "Love you, babe."

"Uh-huh, not with that mouth."

"Babe isn't a dirty word."

"It is to me."

"No wonder you get all hot when I-"

"Shut your mouth, Rick. That's between you and me."

"You're off speaker," he says.

She huffs. "I really have to go, funny man."

He grins again and decides to go for serious. "You're more than a babe to me, you know. Smart, funny, passionate, a great mom. The babe is just frosting."

"Frosting?" And then her soft sigh. "You trying to make me cry at work?"

He laughs at that. "Ah, you got me."

"Love you too, Castle. Now, really, I gotta go. Serving a warrant here."


	23. Chapter 23

Kate walks out of interrogation one and finds Allie sitting in her father's old chair at Kate's desk. She hurries over, a little concerned, and Allie stands up at the sound of her heels on the floor, turns around and hugs her.

"Did Dad tell you I'd be coming?"

"Not. . .no? He did say you wanted to talk to me though, now that I think about it."

"Yeah," she says, letting go of Kate and stepping back, glancing around. "Wow. It hasn't changed. At all."

Kate laughs. "Budget cuts. Functional enough, I guess."

"Yeah, but how old is your computer?"

"Old as dirt," Kate laughs. "I pretty much don't even use it. We all have our phones, you know? Or tablets. Esposito uses his computer, though."

"He's kinda like that," Allie laughs.

"So. What's up, kiddo?"

Allie sits back down in Castle's chair as Kate gets behind her desk. Alexis's look is hesitant, but not fearful, which is good. Kate seriously has no idea what this is about.

"Okay, well, here goes. Gram had this idea, but she didn't think - she wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, so I've been elected to tell you."

"What's the idea?"

"Rafe and I switch apartments with Gram. So we'd be-"

"Oh, that's perfect!" Kate reaches out and clutches Allie's hand. "I was - honestly, I was thinking that's what should happen, because my old place is just so much bigger than that tiny little studio you guys got, but I wasn't about to suggest that Martha be kicked out."

"Oh no, no. This was her idea, actually. She likes where we are - right near the theatre district - and she says your place is just too big for her now. Too much to keep up with."

Oh. There's that. Kate forgets sometimes that Martha is - she's not as young as she used to be. "Does she need - is she able to - she's okay, right? She'd tell us, she'd tell your dad, wouldn't she?, if she needed anything?"

"She's fine. She's totally capable. You know Dad hired someone to come in and clean for Gram, like two years ago? So it's not that. She's still up and at it."

"Oh, good." Kate rubs at her forehead, wondering how that's managed to escape her. Castle doesn't tell her everything, of course, and it's not like she cares if he hires someone, but she still feels that unease between her and Martha that crops up every now and then. "I think that's a great idea, Allie."

"Awesome. Rafe is so excited. He says he can walk to work - he _can't_ walk to work, but it is a lot closer for him."

Kate grins. "Well, and it's got room to grow. A little bit."

"Do not even mention that to him," Allie groans, reaching out and slapping Kate's shoulder. "You're mean. He will _not_ shut up about us having kids."

"Well, but you both decided to wait a few years, right?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't make him less crazy about it. I totally thought Rafe was cool and laidback and easy going, a lot like you, but when he starts talking about us having kids, jeez, he acts like my dad - all giddy and eager."

Kate laughs hard at that, grinning widely at Allie. "Ohhh, Allie. You are - there's no way you guys are waiting long."

"Shut up," she grouses, trying to roll her eyes at Kate but winding up laughing too. "We're not even married yet."

"Doesn't matter," Kate grins back, lifting an eyebrow.

Alexis blushes. "Yeah, yeah, I know. That's how we got Dash. But I am _not_ letting that man get me pregnant until-"

"Not always in your control, Allie," Kate laughs. "Sometimes there's another plan at work."

"Stop trying to scare me." Alexis leans over and hugs her around the neck. "And on that note, I have to go. I have a session with a girl in an hour."

Kate rises with Allie, walks her down to the elevator. "Hey, tell your Gram that I think it's a wonderful idea and I'm glad she suggested it. You'll let her know, won't you, that everything's okay?"

Allie turns soft eyes to Kate. "Of course. And I think she's just-" Allie shrugs "-worried about offending you."

"But she shouldn't be. I mean, yes, okay, we had that thing at Christmas, when Dash was a year old, but it was totally my fault and I'm not-"

"I know. I promise, Kate, I know you love her. She does too. I think she just always - well, she always butted in to Dad's relationships, you know? But when you showed up at the loft with Dash, and then you stayed, well, she saw that what Dad had with you was different. So ever since then, she's been trying to keep from butting in. She's trying to be a good mother-in-law, even though she's really miserable at not inciting drama."

Kate gives Allie a quick, fierce hug. "Thank you. I don't know how you to go to be so smart, but I am so grateful for you."

Allie laughs back, sounding startled and pleased, and she hugs Kate around the shoulders, pressing in close before releasing her. "I love you too, Mom."

"Yeah, that too."

"Go work." Allie steps onto the elevator with a little grin, but her eyes are tender on Kate's.

"Same to you."

She's never called Allie 'pumpkin' but lately, all the time, it keeps trying to come out of her mouth. It seems the older Allie gets, the more Kate sees the daughter in her. Not just Rick's, but hers as well.

Right. Go work.

* * *

When Kate gets home, two kids barrel into her legs and thump her back against the closing door. She laughs and drops her stuff in the entryway, leans over to hug them.

"Hey guys. What's up?"

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy-" Ellery is practically climbing up her leg and Dashiell is jabbering about this picture the girl drew for him, and when Kate lifts her eyes, Castle is smirking at her from the kitchen, like he planned all this.

"Okay, let Mom get inside the door, guys." Castle comes to her rescue, sweeping in and hauling Dashiell off his mother. Kate still has to protect her injured hand, but she one-arms Ella and gets the girl up on her right hip.

"Mommy, I went swimming."

"You did, huh?"

"Good job, baby girl. Swimming." Castle leans in and kisses Ellery's cheek, then shifts to the right and kisses Kate on the mouth. She steps in to keep him there, suddenly unable to help herself, and presses her tongue against the seam of his lips.

He takes it, humming at her, and the kids are fighting each other now because they're so close, Ellery kicking out at her brother, but Kate loves the soft, satin feel of Castle's mouth on hers and the way his breath stutters as he parts from her. It's kind of amazing that he still has that effect on her, and she on him.

He hums at her, a hand at her hip, fingers skimming under her shirt."Mm, well, welcome home."

She grins into the cove of his cheek and kisses him again before pulling away, dragging Ellery out of range of her brother and shooting Dash a warning look as he lunges to hit her back.

"Dinner?" she asks.

"Haven't started it yet. Kids were helping me decide what to make."

She glances down at Dashiell's hurt face, still wanting revenge on his sister, then over to Ellery's mulish look, then to Castle.

"Let's get pizza."

Both kids cheer and Ellery squirms to get down, so Kate lets her. Castle has both eyebrows raised and he comes in to circle his arms around her waist as the kids run upstairs, best friends again at the suggestion of pizza.

"So. . .who are you and what have you done with Kate Beckett?"

She pokes him in the chest and gives him a look, but she can't help the smile that spreads. "It's starting to rain out there. It's cold and a little miserable and I don't want to spend half our time tonight making the kids dinner they don't want to eat."

"Uh-huh, I totally get it," he murmurs and drops a kiss right in front of her ear. "Just surprised. You're not usually the softie."

"Yeah, that's you," she sighs and curls her fingers at his hips in invitation.

He comes in closer, putting their hips flush, and then his arms wrap around her back in a tight embrace. She lays her forehead against his neck and breathes slowly, hunched into him, starts toeing off her shoes.

He laughs when she suddenly drops a few inches, but this way she can lay her cheek against his shoulder and close her eyes, comfortable and enclosed. He kisses her temple, hovering just at her skin, then slides his jaw along her cheek, rough and faintly arousing.

"How's your hand?" he murmurs.

"Okay." It's actually curled at his back and she didn't even notice. "I've been taking tylenol and advil all day. So I don't think I need your elephant tranquilizers tonight."

"Good," he breathes out, kissing her cheekbone, nuzzling in to find her mouth. She tilts her head into his kiss, soft, familiar, comforting. At some mutual and unspoken consent, they both step back, his fingers hooking through hers, and they turn and head for the kitchen.

Castle already has his phone out, calling Celeste's for pizza.

"Allie visited me," she says when he hangs up. "About the apartment switch."

"Yeah? Wait, apartment switch?"

"Your mother's idea. She and they will switch places. My old apartment's bigger, better space for Allie and Rafe-"

"Oh, you know what? I think Mother was telling me that about a month ago. Oh, oops. I bet I was supposed to subtly ask you what you thought of that idea."

"Uh-huh, you know, next time you talk to your mother, you've got to make her realize that I'm not that easily hurt."

Castle grins and wriggles an eyebrow at her.

"I'm not," she insists, narrowing her eyes at him. "I was a little - uh, emotional right after - oh jeez, everything. Castle you _know_. Just, at least, let her know that I love her, okay?"

"Why don't you let her know?"

Kate stumbles to a stop. "Oh. Damn." She presses her uninjured hand over her eyes and groans. "I'm such an idiot. How is it that I never learn this stuff?"

Castle is laughing at her, coming in close and wrapping his arms around her. "You're cute."

"Shut up. It's not funny. It's a serious problem."

"Not to us, babe."

"Oh my God, if you don't stop calling me-"

"You like it," he whispers and takes her mouth, crashing their teeth together, his tongue relentless one moment and coy the next, shoving all other thoughts out of her head.

She finds herself pressing him back against the counter, her hands tugging at his dress shirt, her mouth fused to his. And then his hands guide her hips to his thigh and sanity returns, a flash of lightning that jerks her back, and she stares at him, laughing.

"Mm, you're hot," she mutters, shaking her head.

He laughs back, pleased and smug, and chases after her mouth, kissing her again, but his hands are gentler, his lips softening, his tongue skimming.

She sighs as he backs away. "I don't even know what we were talking about."

"You said you loved my mother," he murmurs, his eyes lighting up again. "And then you looked mad at yourself, and I hate it when you do that. So I had to kiss you."

"When I do what?"

"When you get so disappointed in yourself for something that's just human nature, Kate. No one is perfect. Cut yourself some slack. The last few months have been about your dad's wedding - my mom was, for once in her life, being tactful by not adding another thing to the mix."

"But it's not a thing," she sighs. "I wish that every time there's an event or a _thing_, that she would just trust that I can be an adult about it. And that, actually, I might even love it."

"Kate, you're not always. . .this open with everyone else. It might not be evident to her, like it is to me, what things are things and what things are no big deal."

"What do you mean-" But she sighs instead of finishing that question, because of course she knows what he means. "Consider yourself lucky then. You get me at my most messy and annoying and irrational."

He laughs. "No, babe. I get you. Just you. And I love you."

She lifts her eyes to his, then wraps her arms around his neck and presses against him, breathing him in. "Castle, sometimes. . .you are a poet."

"And I don't know it," he grins.

"And then you're back to being a twelve year old."

* * *

Dashiell wants three slices, and then he eats one more after that, which shouldn't even be possible, but he inhales his pizza. Kate grabs her plate and sits down at the coffee table with Castle on the couch at her back, nudges Dash with her elbow.

"Slow down. You're gonna choke."

"It's good," he mumbles around a mouthful. "Starving."

"Ellery-"

"Mommy, can I watch the dragons?" she asks, sliding around Castle to sit in Kate's lap. Abe Lincoln is cradled in her arms. "Please?"

Kate gives her a quick hug and tries to eat her pizza around the girl, puts her slice back on her plate. "Umm, well-"

Castle pushes on her shoulder with his knee.

"Sure. Okay, I think _Spirited Away_ is still in the player in Daddy's study."

Ellery leans out to look at her father. "Daddy, we watch in your study?"

"Yeah, cricket. After you eat."

"I done."

"No," Kate answers. "You're not. Eat your pizza."

"Abe Lincoln isn't hungry."

"Good," Castle says with relish. "I don't want to see him eat anyway. I do, however, want to see _you_ eat."

Ellery gives a great sigh and leans her head against Kate's chest, the lizard getting suffocated between them. Kate shifts and scoops up Lincoln, puts him on the table. "Baby, you tired?"

"No."

"Okay, then sit up and eat."

Ellery slides off her lap and circles around the coffee table to her place. Instead of sitting down, she leans in and puts her hands on the table, then kicks her feet out, half-jumping.

"Ella, baby girl, sit."

"Can I watch-"

"After you eat."

"Mom, I can get it started," Dash offers, licking his fingers clean off pizza sauce.

"Good idea. Put your plate in the sink, wash your hands."

Dashiell jumps up from his place next to her and takes his plate with him. Kate finishes her pizza and leans back against Castle's legs, brings Lincoln with her. She can feel Castle's shiver of revulsion, even though it's rather melodramatic and probably half fake anyway.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"He's cute."

"He is not cute."

She strokes the rough skin and pushes a little on the lizard's head. Linc lifts up against her touch and turns his eye to her, watching. She grins and glances up when she hears Ellery climb over the table to look.

"Baby-"

"He my dragon, Mommy."

"Yeah, he is." Kate sighs and runs her fingers through Ella's hair, pushing it back away from her face. "We need to get your hair cut again."

"It grow so fast."

Castle laughs. "Alright, cricket. Get off the table and finish your pizza."

Ellery lays her head on the table and reaches out to stroke her dragon-lizard, then slithers down to the floor.

Dashiell is already running for the study to get the dvd started, and Ellery jumps up to follow.

Kate reaches across the coffee table and snags Ellery by the wrist. "Wait. No. Ella. Take your pizza with you at least."

Castle grunts at her in disapproval, but Kate doubts they can get the kid to eat if she's not also watching her movie. Ellery grabs her plate and carries it into the study.

"Kate," he sighs.

"I know."

"I don't want them eating in the study."

"I know," she says, turning around and sliding between his knees, fingers on his thighs. "But we need to talk and I don't think we're going to get a better time to do it."


	24. Chapter 24

Castle clears their plates and pauses in the kitchen to look at Kate. She's brushing her hair back with her hand, the injured one, so it must be better. He studies the line of her spine as she bends over the coffee table and straightens the magazines and books that Ella dislodged.

Kate's really very beautiful. She has issues, she has tragedy, but she's also one of the most gorgeous people he's ever known, inside and out. And he hates, absolutely hates, that he's the one that has to rip open that wound.

It seems like he's always the one doing that.

"Kate?" he calls, coming back into the living room.

She opens her eyes - was she standing in the middle of the living room with her eyes closed? - and then she gestures to the couch, sinks down into it herself.

"Don't think I've ever had to schedule a conversation with you before."

He's trying for humor and she seems to appreciate it; she curls her injured hand in her lap and gives him a faint smile.

"Remember when you wanted to put backs to the stairs so the kid wouldn't fall through?" she asks.

He glances to the floating staircase that leads to the kids' rooms. When Dashiell, who was impetuous and daredevil and also accident-prone, started throwing himself off counters and out of his arms, he was certain the kid would find a way to fall through those stairs.

"Yeah." He sits down beside her on the couch, settles in.

"I convinced you to give it some time," she says softly. "I didn't - it seemed like a lot, to ruin the value of the apartment, it would cost so much money, when-"

"You said we had the baby gates up; we'd just be really aware, make sure we instilled in him the sense of danger and being careful; he was never allowed on them alone-" he finishes.

She nods. "Until he could be trusted to go up and down on his own. Until he finally had the balance and coordination that we didn't have to worry about him slipping between the open spaces of the steps, because he knew better."

"Still scared the crap out of me," he murmurs, lifting his gaze to hers. But she's not looking at him; instead, she's glancing out the windows to the city skyline, the lights reflected in her eyes. "Kate? What do the stairs have to do with all this?"

She closes her eyes, rubs at her forehead. "That's what this is, Castle, why I don't want to know. Because this case is like the open spaces in the stairs. if I'm not careful, if I don't pay attention, then I'll fall right through again."

Oh, jeez. Shit. And he's the one who gets to carry her right into the middle of it again, plop her down on the steps and tell her to go for it, see if she's got the balance and coordination to make it down.

"I'm here," he says quietly. "We didn't let Dash on the stairs by himself for a long time. Ella either, even though she showed a lot more grace about it. Kate. I'll hold your hand."

She sucks in a long breath and nods at him. "I know."

"I still. . .I still have to tell you."

"What Montgomery said. You do. You have to."

It sounds like she's trying to convince herself. "You could say, what does it matter, after all these years. But. Knowing why matters. You told me that, Kate. You told me that knowing why matters."

"I know I said that. I meant it. But sometimes knowing why isn't more important than not falling through."

"I won't let you fall," he says, reaching across the couch for her hand, squeezing tightly. He's already made that promise, back when they first started this relationship - back when he first stuck his nose into her mother's case. "I won't. I won't let you fall."

She lifts her eyes to his. "Okay."

He nods back. "Okay."

* * *

"Do you remember when we went after the Wellesley family?"

"The senator from New York. His father, Casper. . .oh, yes Blake Wellesley fathered a daughter and the daughter ended up dead. I remember."

"Montgomery said that Casper Wellesley was behind their police vigilante group. When Blake Wellesley came into the precinct in a huff about us questioning his family, and the Captain laid down the law - it's because he knew he had the trump card."

"He had dirt on the Wellesley family." Kate pressed her good hand to her mouth and swallowed. "So Wellesley started the whole kidnap-a-mafia-member-for-money thing? Jeez."

"Yeah. His family was apparently tied pretty tight to the money purse of a specific mob; he wanted out but couldn't figure out a better way than kidnapping the enemy."

"What a messed up, crazy-"

"Yeah," Castle says, interrupting her with a look that tells her there's more. "When Brady Thompson confessed to the murder of the daughter, the Wellesley matriarch's loyal servant paid his family with that ransom money - only then-"

"The money dried up," Kate whispers, biting her bottom lip. "Because Montgomery and the others were being blackmailed by - whoever this man in the shadows is."

"Captain knows who he is, Kate. Montgomery knows who he is."

"He didn't tell you?" But it's not really a question. She knows the answer already.

"That's what the address for, the dead drop I was telling you about. We need to talk about what we're going to do, Kate."

_Nothing._ But that's not fair either. She has the chance to finally put her mother's case to rest, and she's running scared.

"Kate."

"I don't really want to think about it, let alone plan out what we're going to do. But." She flutters her hand and presses it over her eyes. "Castle. I feel like it's not fair to you guys if I do this. To the kids. If I add this back to the mix, then how much of my time do I have left for my family?"

He takes her hand, draws it down from her face. "Kate. I think you're looking at this wrong."

"I'm actually trying not to look at it at all," she sighs.

His lips quirk. "Uh-huh, I can tell."

She finds it suddenly easier to breathe, as if all it takes is that flicker of a smile on his face to make her world brighten. Maybe it does. Maybe that's what her whole life has come down to - making Rick Castle smile so that she can smile too.

"Kate, I'm going to be as gentle as I can about this, but-"

But?

"The more you hide from this, the more it seems to eat at you."

"You think it's eating at me now?"

"I think it must be, babe." He's trying to make her smile, trying to ease the blow. It works; he always can get to her.

"Because of how I've been with my dad getting married."

"Among other things," he hedges, lifting an eyebrow at her in a mirror of her own look. That actually does make her smile, and she leans forward a little and rests her forehead against his shoulder with a sigh.

"Okay. So yes, I - I think about her a lot, even more as the kids get older. How they'll never know her. How I - I seem to be forgetting her, forgetting what she looked like, forgetting even - sometimes all I have left, all that my memory can recall, is the way she looked in that alley."

"Oh, Kate." He brushes his fingers through the hair at her neck, smooths his thumb down her vertebrae. "You know this isn't like before - this isn't a wild goose chase. You aren't throwing yourself into a pit and ignoring the kids in some vain endeavor."

"Am I not?"

"No. For once we have a chance at actual closure. An answer. After so long, love. And I think that if we do this, if we reach out to this guy and get something in return, then we'll know. You'll know. Finally."

"What good does it do me? What if I get the answer and it's not enough?"

"We'll work on that when it comes. Okay? If we need to start a case against whoever this is, we'll do that-"

"It might be dangerous, Castle. Montgomery seems to think-"

"Kate, no disrespect, but he is a scared, corrupt man who made a serious mistake and never managed to fully pay off his debt. He used you to try to atone for his sins, and I don't know about you, but that seems more deceitful than righteous."

She shivers and closes her eyes. "All this time. I can't - all this time, Castle."

"I know. I - jeez, Kate, I - I hit him."

She jerks back, stunned. "You hit him?"

"I punched him."

"After I left. You punched him."

He rubs a hand down his face and lowers his eyes; he looks ashamed and also fierce. "I was - I am so pissed off. I want to kick his ass, Kate, but I don't know that it would make me feel better."

"Did punching him make you feel better?"

He shrugs, but lifts his eyes. "Yeah. Little."

She bites her bottom lip. "Kinda makes me feel better. Wish I'd stayed for that."

Castle huffs out a laugh and draws her into him; she goes because she knows he needs it, needs the hug, and honestly, maybe she does as well. He's kind of corrupted her like that.

"He held Ella when she was born. Held her in his hands. I can't - can't get past that, Kate. It's not just - it _hurts_ me. That I trusted him with my tiny little girl, but all the while. . .."

She nods against him, tears burning her eyes.

"And I can't even begin to think about you," he whispers roughly. "He told me once that he found you down in archives and he was the one who brought you up to Homicide and-"

"Don't," she murmurs.

"I see so much of you in Ellery, and I get this picture of her and you, mixed up in my head - needing and intense and so wounded - and it kills me. It kills me to think he was a wolf masquerading-"

"Don't, Castle," she says, louder this time and lifting her head from his embrace to warn him with her eyes. "Please don't."

He takes a long breath in, doesn't look at her. She can see him trying to gain control of the story playing out in his head, the one where she's some young and impressionable thing, completely snowed by a much older man looking for redemption. He's not far off.

"He was a father to me, Castle. When my own father couldn't be. I will - that will always redeem him."

Castle jerks his eyes to hers, blinks. "Are you - you mean that."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I hit him."

"I'm not," she says, her lips quirking at the corner for an instant before collapsing.

"He said he was just trying to keep you safe - keep you from going up against Goliath. He said you'd never win, Kate."

"So are we doing it anyway?" she asks, lifting from his chest to look at him. He needs to know that she doesn't have to have this - she doesn't. She will be okay if she never gets answers.

"We're - we can be careful about this, because we do it together."

She nods, but her chest tightens. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

Kate lets out a shaky breath. "We contact this guy through the dead drop, see if he gets in touch with us. But Castle - none of this comes home. Do you understand? You don't bring it home; we do everything from the precinct."

"You plan on telling the boys?"

Oh jeez. Oh God, she doesn't want to have to do that. "Only if they - I'll have to, won't I?"

"If we run this out of the 12th, they're going to notice."

"I don't want to."

"But."

"But," she echoes, chewing on her lower lip. "Let's see, first, what happens with the dead drop."

"And Raglan. I meet him tomorrow while the kids are at preschool."

She rubs a hand in one eye and tries to gird herself for that. "Okay. Then I - I should be there?"

"No. I don't think that's a good idea. Just in case. Let sleeping dragons lie, right? I'll see what he has to say - I bet it's what Montgomery has already said, so nothing new, Kate."

She feels so relieved that he's going instead of her that it's like a physical weight is off her chest. "I can go to the dead drop tomorrow while you're with Raglan. Want to write the note?"

"The note? Yeah?"

"Yeah. You've got the pretty words, Rick." She shoots him a look and he actually laughs, surprised by her apparently, and she feels even better that she could get that out of him.

"Okay," he says back, still smiling a little. "So. We have a plan."

"We'll see what this service buddy of Montgomery's says, and then-"

"Then we see where it takes us. One step at a time, Kate. No falling through."

She realizes she's been chewing her bottom lip ruthlessly, pushes it out with her tongue at the look on his face. "No falling through," she echoes.

Castle slides his hand to her neck and tugs, pulls her in against him once more. This time when she goes, she knows it's because she needs it, his arms, the smell of his shirt and skin, the warmth of his body surrounding and protecting her solitary grief.

"I wish I had met your mother," he murmurs, and that's all that it takes to finally make her cry, to finally share the burden.


	25. Chapter 25

"Momma?"

Kate grunts awake in an instant and turns her head towards her son, wincing at the pre-dawn light that greys out the room. "Dashiell."

"Bad, bad dream."

"Mm, sorry. What do you need?" she whispers, turning over on her side to really look at him.

"Don't know," he says, but his eyes are wet with unshed tears, his face strangely blank.

"Want to crawl in, or want to watch tv?"

He stands there for a moment, blinking at her, and she realizes he's not quite awake, not all the way. This happens to him sometimes - this in between - so she reaches out and snags him by the elbow, pulls him towards the bed.

"Crawl in with me," she murmurs. She has to sit and get both hands under his arms, heave him up a little, and then instinct or reaction takes over and he's climbing into bed.

His eyes close before he even lays his head down; she has to haul his body away from the edge, shove him towards the middle. She can't move him though; he's already dead weight, fast asleep, so she gives up and pushes on Castle's shoulder.

It takes a couple of tries and then he startles awake, evidently in the middle of a dream, and stares at her. "Kate?"

"Pull Dash into the middle of the bed."

Keep it simple. Still, it takes Castle a second of staring down at Dash, sprawled at the very side of bed, before Rick reaches out and curls an arm around Dashiell and then pulls him in. Making it look easy.

"Go back to sleep, Rick."

He does in a moment, eyes falling shut, his arm still around their son. Kate leans over Dash to kiss his father first, a brush of her lips against the corner of his mouth, and then she scrapes her hand through Dash's hair and strokes her thumb along his cheek.

He's gone. Truly out.

Kate sinks back down into the sheets, her pillow, and closes her own eyes, tries to relax again.

Dash hasn't had a night terror in years.

She turns on her side to face her two guys, watches them both for a moment.

It's okay. Everything is fine. Just a dream.

* * *

He's the one who carries Dashiell back to his own bed, sometime around six when Kate's phone rings with a body. She's listening to Ryan - he thinks it's Ryan - while Castle scoops Dash up and heads for the stairs, remembering their talk last night. It's entirely too early, but he wants to be with her this morning, in case she needs. . .something.

When he gets back to the bedroom, she's already in the bathroom, so he goes ahead and follows her, reaches for the faucet to start her shower while she brushes her teeth and rubs her eyes, trying to wake up.

"Hey," he reminds her. "Mother's watching the kids tonight for our date."

She grins back at him in the mirror, spits, then turns around to come up on her toes to smack a kiss to his cheek. "I remember, stud."

He chuckles to himself and adjusts the temperature of the shower, flicking water off his hand as he turns back around to her.

She catches him in a full-on kiss before he even knows she's there, her hand curling at his shoulder. "Mm, good morning."

Castle raises an eyebrow at her. "Frisky for a weekday morning, aren't ya?"

"Just love you."

"I could love you more-" he starts, advancing towards her. He expects her to shoo him away, shove him back, shake her head, but no. No. She steps right into him and starts slipping his boxers over his hips.

He grunts into her kiss in surprise, runs his hands under her tshirt, tugging it off in seconds, dipping his mouth to her chest.

"Yeah, love me - love me more," she murmurs, her voice hitching as he uses his teeth, slides his hand down.

And in the back of his mind, he knows this is how Kate handles grief and fear and confusion and a host of other overwhelming issues, but he's fine with that. He's really good with that.

He's damn lucky is what he is. He managed to fall in love with maybe the one woman in the world that wants to make love every time she's stressed.

They make love a lot.

* * *

Castle captures her by the neck and kisses her before she can step out the door; Kate grumbles at him, pushing on his shoulders, but it's not that forceful, so he stays. He gentles, releases his grip on her, brushes his lips along hers until her reserve melts.

He knows it's not fair to do to her, especially not today; she needs all the armor she can get. But he hates seeing her in their home with that look on her face and the shutters over her eyes, and maybe he's slipping past her defenses just to make sure that he still can.

Just to make sure he's not letting her fall.

When he stops kissing her and just rests there at her cheek, nose to hers, he can feel her slow grin start up, spread across her face.

"I know what you're doing, Rick," she murmurs.

He turns his head to press his mouth to her jaw. "I know you do," he sighs.

"I need to go to work, baby."

"I know," he says quietly, absorbing the smirk in the pet name without comment. He stops to take her earlobe between his teeth, nibble there until she shudders. "But I don't really want to let you go just yet."

"Not really up to you," she says archly, and then she's detached herself from his embrace and pressing two fingers to his lips, regarding him. "I know you have a bad feeling about this. If I'm being honest, I do too."

He nods. It's not ominous. It's just. . .tense. He feels tense. And those fifteen minutes in the shower helped, but he could do with a little more. . .help.

"But stick to the plan, Castle. And I'll see you tonight for date night."

"Date night," he says, grinning again.

He has her ring, and he thinks it might be the best way to put a little more strength in her spine, give her that confidence back. She can do this. They can do it together.

She darts in for a last, quick kiss, and then she's headed out the apartment. He locks the door after her and then goes back to bed for another hour.

* * *

Ellery disappears down the hall, but Dashiell is poky this morning, trailing his fingers over Castle's pants leg as he signs in both kids for school. Dash leans his forehead against his father's thigh and Castle drops a hand, squeezes the kid's neck.

After a moment, when Dash doesn't move, Castle squats down next to him. "Hey man. Time for class."

"I know. I'm sleepy."

"Yeah, you had a rough night. Did you fall back asleep after I took you upstairs?"

"I watched tv," he says hesitantly.

"That's okay. You can do that, remember?"

Dash nods. "Ella went swimming without me."

Castle sighs and stands back up. "Yeah, she did. But we'll go later, all of us. Okay?"

"We will? When?"

"Later. I can't give you a schedule, buddy."

"But that's not fair. Ellery got-"

"I know. But life's not fair." Castle feels faintly ashamed for falling back on that one, but oh well. It's true. And Kate would say it.

Dash butts his head into Castle's thigh; his father grabs him by the shoulder and holds him away, but the kid isn't being mean. His eyes are tired and his mouth is quirked, like he's trying to be happier, trying, and Castle drops down next to him once more.

"Okay, kiddo. You can do it. School. And then me or Mom will pick you guys up - maybe Gram, not sure. Okay?" Castle takes a moment to squeeze the boy into a tight embrace, close to crushing, and Dashiell lets out a long, sighing breath, melts into his father.

"Okay. Why Gram?"

"She's baby-sitting you and Ella tonight so Mom and I can have date night. Remember?"

"Oh yeah. Gram will let us do MacBeth you think? With all the blood?"

"Maybe so. You'll have to ask her."

"Awesome," he breathes out, a grin spreading slowly over Dash's face.

"Okay. Go to class."

And that's all it takes. Dashiell darts off down the hallway for his classroom, not even giving his father a backward glance.

* * *

Kate Beckett smooths her jacket away from her hip, checks rather unconsciously for her weapon. The dead drop isn't in the best part of town, but it is perversely, eerily familiar.

Docks by the Hudson River.

Is this guy messing with them? The address looked familiar when Castle gave it to her, but she wasn't really paying attention to the geography of the location; she was mostly still caught up in the idea that her Captain had kept this terrible secret from her for so long.

But the dead drop is two buildings down from the boathouse on the pier where Kate and Rick were held by the Butcher. The smell of rotting fish and dirty water makes her stomach rise in her throat, makes her blood pulse hotly.

She has the note Castle dictated to her last night; it's her handwriting though. She encased it in a plastic sandwich bag before leaving this morning and she has it in her back pocket right now.

She stands on the edge of the concrete bastion right above the lower pier, watches the foamy water swirling around the pylons, the trash pushed up against the docks. She can almost see the red and blue lights painting the concrete; she can definitely feel the throb of awareness in her wrists, her thighs, reminders of that morning.

The light looked the same.

Kate turns her back on the Hudson and heads for the address, wondering if there weren't, perhaps, some other instructions they should have had. She eyes the front facade, but it's attached to a shipping yard out back, and boxcars are stacked two high in neat rows.

There's not really-

And then she sees it.

It must be for them. It can't be anything else.

About eight feet high, just to the right of the shipyard's gate, is a boathook set into steel.

Kate pulls out her phone and calls Ryan. Ryan - who won't ask difficult questions, but who is always level-headed about these things.

"Beckett, where'd you run off to?"

"Tracking something down. Tell me, Ryan, can you check to make sure the Butcher is still locked up?"

"What? Uh, yeah. But really, Beckett, we would've been told. Right? I mean-"

"Just being paranoid, Kev. Check for me."

She hears him on the computer, probably using Esposito's, since he's the one who always has his up and running. It takes longer than it should, the network has been slow and crappy lately, and then Ryan is breathing out in relief.

"Still behind bars. Nothing suspicious. No strange transfer orders, no visitors either. Not for the last six months."

"Thanks, Ryan."

She hangs up and heads over to the boathook. About halfway to it, she realizes it's also a kind of pulley - a rope coiled at the base lets her know that the shipping company must use it as a convenient place to haul cargo off of trucks that come through.

All right. Okay. Just.

Breathe, Beckett.

There's nothing that looks like-

And then she finds the strange, metal box below the hook, the rusted top. It's hard to pry open, but she digs the point of her heel into one corner and manages to kick it loose.

There's a note in the bottom. Duct taped with a half-strip, jagged and sticky. Beckett tugs it out and reads _We have a mutual friend, but this does not make us friends._

Shit.

She crushes the note in her hand and tugs the plastic bag out of her back pocket, stares at it a moment.

They shouldn't do this. It's such a bad idea.

But Castle's right. This _not a__ friend_ might not give them anything at all, but then it'll be done. Over.

Kate drops to her knees and pushes the note inside the metal box, works the lid back over it. She lifts up and uses the rust on her fingers to smear a line along the corrugated metal of the gate, marking the sight for whoever it is that Montgomery has sent them to. And then, just in case it washes off with the rain that's been threatening, she rips his ragged duct tape from the note he left for them and wraps it around the top railing.

This guy wants to mess with her psyche? Fine. Boathooks and the smell of fish don't scare her. The Butcher is locked up for a good long while, and Kate Beckett is an NYPD detective with a gun.

And she is not afraid to use it.


	26. Chapter 26

Her chest is tight as she sits in the Crown Vic, her phone in her lap. The Hudson River is a grey snake with buildings riding its back; the docks, the warehouses, the boats, the smell - these are poignant reminders of a day six years ago that diverted her life into a different channel.

She's told Castle that at some point in their partnership, she would have opened her eyes to the discovery that Richard Castle was in this with her whether she wanted him there or not. She would have. She knows that without a doubt; he is too good a man to miss for long.

But the Butcher - that was the case, the event, that-

The ring of her phone startles her out of memories and she sees his face on the display, smiles to herself. He's probably calling after his meeting with Raglan. Kate takes a moment to crank the starter, the engine thudding over in the ancient car. She answers the phone with a hum of pleasure, warmth easing her chest.

He always-

"Beckett!" Panic crackles in his voice.

"C-Castle?"

"Shooting; he's been shot. They're shooting-"

"_Castle_-" She's yanking the wheel around and snagging the handheld. "Castle." She pulls out into traffic, starting up the gumball with panic flickering in her chest. "I'm calling it in. Where are you-"

"Shit. They're shooting at us through the window - I think I can reach him-"

"Castle, stay the hell _down - _Where are you?_"_

"At - at a coffee shop, East Third and Second Ave. Shit - shit, he's-"

"Stay down, damn it. Castle. Stay down." She presses the mike. "One Lincoln Forty. I have shots fired at East Third and Second Avenue. I need police presence and an ambulance."

"One Lincoln Forty, what is your status?"

"Coming up on the Lincoln Tunnel. ETA thirty-forty minutes. I need first responders-"

"Copy that, One Lincoln Forty-"

She drops the radio, grabs her phone. "Castle?"

"Kate, God, Kate - I can't make it stop - he's bleeding-"

"_Stay down_." She presses her foot on the gas and clutches the wheel. "Castle, please. Please, stay down."

* * *

She parks haphazardly, flashes the badge at her hip, clutches her phone tightly in her hand. He's no longer on the line.

Two officers were closer, called it in as a homicide, and they'd secured the block long before Beckett could get here. Now the place is crawling with cops. Kate scans the crowd, her heart tasting like metal in her throat.

"Kate!"

She jerks and sees him off to one side, being held back by an officer. She waves the guy off with a flick of her wrist, tries to keep from running to him as she heads his direction.

He crushes her against his chest in a grip that's no tighter than her own; she squeezes her eyes tightly and sucks in a shaky breath.

"What the hell, Castle."

"Someone shot at us through the window."

"Shot at you," she whispers, stepping back and raking him with her eyes, unable to believe he's unharmed. "Are you hit?"

"Blood's not mine," he murmurs, glancing down to the stain high up on his shoulder. She touches the corner of his eye where a line of blood is still weeping. He ducks away from her touch. "Really, there was only one shot. I thought - the glass just shattered and his coffee mug exploded and he was bleeding so much, and I guess with people screaming and-"

"But you're okay?" she says, feeling her lungs stretch for breath. "You're okay."

"I'm okay. Freaked out, but okay."

"Raglan?"

He shakes his head, and she slumps down against him for a moment.

"Wait - you okay?" His hand comes up to her waist, holding on.

She nods. "When the first responders got here. I heard the call on my radio. Homicide. They said-"

"It wasn't me," he breathes, enveloping her again in a hug. She nods against him, pushes on his chest to get him to let her go. She can't do that right now, not while she's out here in public, cops at every few feet.

"I know that. You were on the phone with me until they arrived but-"

"Still hard to hear," he murmurs, ducking his head to look her in the eyes. She gives him a tight-lipped smile, wraps her fingers around his forearm to squeeze in relief.

"I need to coordinate with - whoever it is down here. Give me a few minutes," she says, and she knows he can hear the question in her voice.

"No. I'm coming with you."

She hesitates for only a moment, then nods, lets him follow.

* * *

They sit side by side on the rear bumper of the ambulance; the medical examiner's bus came and took Raglan's body. Lanie stopped to talk to them, look at Castle's cheek where shattered ceramic cut him. He's got a nice butterfly bandage at the corner of his eye.

The ballistics guy has calculated the trajectory using a bright orange thread and a laser light. He made Castle set up the scene as much as possible, recreate their positions, and that's when Kate saw the path of the bullet - straight over Castle's shoulder.

She hates to think what might have happened if he'd moved one centimeter to the left, if his head hadn't turned when the coffee mug exploded, if-

Kate scrapes a hand through her hair and tries to focus on the scene in front of them. She's waiting on the guy from 1PP to finish the impromptu press conference; this would have been Captain Montgomery's job, if he were still here, and that small fact alone makes her so - sad.

It makes her sad.

"How do we keep Montgomery's name out of this?" he says quietly.

She shakes her head. "John Raglan called us. Has nothing to do with the Captain. What did Raglan say to you?"

"I think it was going to be more of the same," Castle says, nudging her shoulder with his. "He didn't get that far. Said something about how, twenty-five years ago, they made a huge mistake. Sounded like Roy, actually. He wanted - absolution. The chains he forged in life; he made them link by link."

"He quoted Dickens. And then he was shot," she says flatly.

"Yeah."

She reaches between them for his hand clutching the bumper; she squeezes his fingers.

He rubs his thumb over her fingers in response. "So. Someone didn't want Raglan talking about what they did twenty-five years ago."

"Which - honestly, Castle - that doesn't make any sense. Why would it matter, twenty-five years later?"

"Raglan must have known the guy's identity. And, obviously, the guy behind this doesn't know that Montgomery has confessed."

"Or something," Kate mutters rubbing her forehead with her free hand. She winces and glances at her palm; it still feels raw, ragged. "I don't know what this means, and I don't know that I should be the one on this case."

"Who better than you?" Castle says.

"Yeah. Unfortunately, we're the only ones who understand what's really going on. I'm afraid I'll have to tell Ryan and Espo."

She glances up at his silence, catches his eyes intent on hers. "Kate."

"What else am I supposed to do? I can't solve this case if I keep it from them. The scrutiny is going to be intense, Castle. A retired police officer was shot. You know how that goes."

"Yeah. But just - can you say you just discovered some-? No, I guess not."

The Chief of D's disengages from the microphones, the crowd, and heads for Beckett. She watches him approach and then stands, Castle coming up beside her, at her back. Like always.

"Detective."

"Chief."

"I've got a replacement at the 12th right now, just moving in. Captain Victoria Gates. She's going to be on you about this. Day in, day out. Until this is solved satisfactorily."

"Yes, sir."

"This the civilian consultant?"

Kate slides a glance to Castle, nods once. "Yes sir."

"Richard Castle," he says, holding his and out to the Chief.

Chief glances down, hesitates just a moment, and then shakes hands. Kate sours to the man, stiffens her spine, and says, "This is my husband. He was with Raglan when it happened."

Castle straightens up; she can see him eyeing the Chief, that long and calculating look he has when he's figuring out someone's story.

The Chief crosses his arms over his chest and gives Beckett a final look. "Fine. But he's not on this case - understand me?"

"Yes sir." Like hell he's not.

Chief of Detectives stalks off, headed for the car that brought him and the officer who drove him here, and Castle gives a huff of annoyance.

"He's a real ass, isn't he?"

She cracks a smile at his tone, turns to him. "Yeah. He is. But let's go to the 12th, fill in Ryan and Esposito."

"He said I'm not on the case."

Kate shoots him a look, snags the sleeve of his coat. "If you think I'm telling the boys _by myself_, then you are sadly mistaken, Richard Castle."


	27. Chapter 27

Ryan stares at them; Esposito stalks out of the conference room, jabs the button for the elevator, and won't look back.

Castle shifts in his chair and lowers his eyes to the table, rubbing a hand down his jaw, his throat constricting.

"Are you - you - he told you this himself," Ryan states, not a question, but a way of reshaping the facts into something he can accept. Or so it sounds.

"Kev," Kate says quietly. "The night of his retirement party. I did the same as Esposito and left Rick to handle it."

Ryan's eyes cut to him and Castle nods. Yeah, he and Ryan - they're the ones who bear the brunt of it in their partnerships, aren't they? At least with this.

"Castle," Ryan says, his eyes intent. "Tell me again. From the beginning."

* * *

While Castle sits with Ryan and answers questions, detailed questions, Kate heads out of the 12th to look for Esposito, faintly feeling like a target is on her back. She stumbles to a stop at the front steps when she sees her team member leaning against the concrete edifice.

"Beckett. He didn't. Tell me he didn't."

She says nothing, just watches him.

"Shit."

She leans against the concrete with him. "You call Lanie?"

"I told her," he says, his voice grating. "She cussed him out in two languages."

"Yeah. I think I did too."

Espo huffs at her, laughter and indignation both, and she understands that too. Captain Montgomery can still rouse her to his defense as well.

"How's Lanie doing?"

"She's good. Bitchy, but good."

Kate laughs at that, feels bad for laughing - both for Lanie and for Espo - but then she catches his eye and nods. "And you?"

"I'm gonna be a dad. I don't want this shit, Beckett."

"I know."

"How can you - I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Her throat is tight at his forlorn tone, the way he sounds like he doesn't understand how she can do this to her kids. She's not sure either.

"How you're still standing. After all this shit. It's not even my mom, and I want to-" Esposito stops, shakes his head, closing his eyes, face tilting back to the cold sky.

She realizes suddenly that she's freezing, that Castle is trying to answer Ryan up there alone, and here she is, here Espo is, acting like surly little kids, stomping around in the cold and pouting.

"Come on," she says finally. "We need to figure out who shot Raglan. And hopefully before date night."

Esposito chuckles at that, slaps his fist against the concrete. "You think you're still making date night?"

"I can hope."

"Uh-huh."

But Esposito turns and heads back inside.

* * *

"Ballistics came back on the round embedded in the booth," Ryan says, handing her the file. "Three thirty-eight Magnum, fairly exotic anti-personnel round."

"What about the building across the street-?"

"Fourth floor. We locked it down. Waiting for the techs to finish."

"Canvas the building. Someone had to have seen something. Also? Raglan's shooter had to have followed him to the coffee shop. Check with his neighbors-"

"What if the guy intercepted our phone call?" Castle asks.

Beckett rubs her forehead. "Yeah. Okay. When you guys talk with his neighbors, check his home phone for bugs, his apartment-"

"Us too," Castle interrupts. "We need to have our place swept too. Just in case."

She swallows hard, the idea that her kids - her family - her home-

"Probably not, Kate."

She nods. "Right. Okay. I'll have one of the guys go over there. We're waiting on forensics then. Esposito, I want you to put in calls and track down this bullet. If it's exotic, it has to be memorable. See if it leads anywhere."

"I'll call some people, get that going while Ryan and I head to the building across the street."

She nods to them, and they hop up from the conference room table, scurrying out.

Kate stands there for a moment, then turns to Castle. His face has that blank, washed out expression that she hates. "You okay?"

He shrugs. "Different when it happens right in front of you."

"Close enough to watch the lights go out."

Castle closes his eyes, then opens them again, looking over at her.

She sucks in a breath at the naked grief on his face, but she knows it's not for Raglan, not even for Montgomery. It's for them. The two of them.

Because they can't go back now. If she falls, she falls.

* * *

"Kate," he says.

She glances up from her notes and rubs at her eyes. "Yeah."

"Someone has to go get the kids."

She sighs and buries her head in her hands. "Would it be bad if I said I wanted to do it? Run away from this?"

He chuckles softly and sits down on the side of her desk, looking at the white board, his back to her. "No. Not bad at all. But do you think it's a good idea?"

She puts a hand to his back, his warmth appealing. "You mean, is someone targeting us? Me?"

"No," he gasps, turning around to look at her. "Is he - do you think the shooter-"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "I don't. There's nothing that says this guy will come after us. I didn't even make contact with Raglan; you did."

"So, he's after me?"

"No," she insists, standing up from her desk and coming to his side, letting her hand draw up his back to his shoulder, looking him in the eyes. "No. He shot Raglan. Killed him. If he wanted to kill you, Castle, you'd be dead."

He lets out a sharp breath, wincing at her. "It just doesn't make sense. Why now?"

"Another question I can't answer. But let's have your mother pick up the kids, like we said. Try to make this day as normal as possible."

He nods. "I'll call her. Kate. Do you think he-"

"No," she says again, more forcefully. "If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here."

His shoulders relax; he nods back at her as he pulls out his phone. And then he flinches, stares up at her. "I completely forgot. The note? The dead drop?"

She presses her hand to the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, that's - I left it in a rusted-out tackle box down on the docks near where you and I were waylaid by the Butcher. Under a boathook. How appropriate is that?"

His face drains, lips bloodless. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Yo, Beckett!"

She jerks around to see Esposito huddled over the computer. "What've you got?"

"Okay, so the good news is? That building is secure - only way in is through the lobby and nobody gets through the lobby turnstiles without a key card."

"So our shooter had a card?" Castle asks. Kate comes to stand at his hip, arms crossed.

"Maybe so. I asked for a list of their employees, and I'm downloading surveillance video from the lobby, if you wanna check it out."

"Definitely," she says with relish, grateful to have something to do.

At that moment, Ryan sweeps back into the bullpen from the direction of the elevator. "Okay, I checked out Raglan's place. He was a widower, had lymphoma for the last five years. No next of kin that I could find. Super said that, every once in a while, his buddy came over to watch a Yankees game. Guess who? You got it - Gary McCallister. In his class at the police academy, and - according to the Captain-"

Esposito hushes him with a look and they all step in closer.

Ryan finishes quietly. "-he's the third man with Montgomery and Raglan, kidnapping gangsters twenty-five years ago."

Beckett's chest fills with that rush - chasing down the leads. "Get McCallister, play nice. See if he'll come in. I wanna talk to him."

* * *

They've got two leads and it's only three-thirty. His mother called when she got to their loft with the kids; she still thinks they're going out on their date tonight.

And maybe they will. He thinks Beckett could use a break. He could too, honestly.

She's in the box with McCallister while he observes. The boys found that their sniper touched a woman's arm when he lifted her key card; they're all hoping they can get prints off her skin so they've taken the woman to see Lanie.

He leans in and watches Kate with McCallister, glad he's not in there with this guy. McCallister's defensiveness and condescension just grates on his nerves, especially knowing that it was something this old man did that set in motion such terrible consequences.

If McCallister and Raglan and Montgomery had never shot that FBI agent in that dark alley, then Kate's mother might still be alive. That's what this comes down to. And he can't sit there at that table and pretend McCallister is just another retired cop, a mostly good guy who did the best he could.

So maybe Kate's stronger than him, able to pretend, hold it back. Fine. It's not anything he doesn't know.

* * *

"Vulcan Simmons?" she echoes, surprised that it might be this easy. Has McCallister just given her _the name_?

A resounding pounding on the glass has her glancing to the one-way glass and then getting to her feet.

"Excuse me," she murmurs, opening the door to see Castle coming out of the observation room. She lifts an eyebrow at him.

"They got a print," he says in a rush. "They're running it now."

"I need to tell Captain Gates," she says, a rush humming in her blood at the news. She turns to the officer at the door, nods to interrogation one. "Tell him he can go for now, but we may have follow-up."

"Yes, ma'am," the officer says and turns to disappear inside.

Kate squares her shoulders. "Now to inform our new Captain."

"We're not getting date night, are we?"


	28. Chapter 28

Castle follows her inside Montgomery's old office. Just - was it just a few days ago? - just a few days ago this was filled with warm earth tones, leather, the scent of cigars which Roy always keeps stashed away. Now the shelves are bare but for a police procedures manual, the computer dark. A laptop rests open on the desk and Captain Victoria Gates sits behind it.

Dark hair, dark eyes, rigid posture.

She looks up at them from over her glasses and gives Castle a harsh flick of her eyes. He nearly steps back.

"Mr. Castle, I presume?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Sir."

"What?" Oh, oops. Mean looks says she means for him to call _her _sir. Oh-kay. "Sir."

Kate steps forward. "Sir," she says carefully. "Detectives Ryan and Esposito are at the OCME's office. They managed to get prints off a young woman-"

"I know, Detective Beckett. I saw the flash memo on my screen."

Castle bristles.

"And what is Mr. Castle doing here, Detective?"

"Assisting me in this case."

"As a civilian? A civilian you are _married_ to, Detective?"

"Yes. Sir." Kate doesn't even look at him, but he's proud of her, proud of the steel in her voice and the edgy aggression in her tone.

"Do you think that's wise, Detective?"

"Yes," Kate answers. "He was there when John Raglan was shot."

"Was that on police business?"

"No," Castle speaks up. "But not exactly pleasure," he jokes, flashing her a smile, thinking it's time to win the woman over.

She doesn't smile; she frowns deeper and gives him a summing up look - which he apparently fails.

"Detective, I don't think it's a good idea to have your husband at work with you, especially not for a case open to such public scrutiny."

"I think Castle can only be an asset to this investigation. Sir. And he stays on my team."

Captain Gates and Kate enter into a staredown the likes of which Castle has never seen before. Kate wins. As she always does.

"For now, Detective. Keep me apprised of the situation. I want hourly reports."

"Yes, sir." Kate takes a half-step back, turns.

Gates calls out from her chair, her eyes back on her computer. "You're dismissed, Detective."

Well, damn. This is going to be _fun._

* * *

Beckett stares mournfully at the rain falling just past the side door. Castle nudges her with his hand at her back. "Give me the keys."

"You're not technically supposed to drive," she mutters. She can tell it's freezing out there.

He gives her a look she can feel and takes the keys from her hand. "Yeah, but at least Gates loves me." He wriggles his eyebrows at her and she cracks a smile. "Pull out your phone; call the kids. Make you feel better."

"And what are you going to do?" she says, biting her bottom lip.

"Get the car. Then you can make a dash for it."

"Dash," she murmurs, glancing once more to the rain. "Hourly reports most likely means we're not making date night."

"I know. Call the kids."

"Yeah."

* * *

Kate cradles the phone against her ear. "Martha?"

"Oh, dear one. I'm glad you called. You can decide this sibling squabble. Ellery, over here, little pea. Mommy's on the phone."

She spies Castle pulling up with the Crown Vic and she shoves open the side door, makes a run for it across the parking lot to the car. He's leaning over and popping open the door; she crawls inside and slams it after her, shivering.

"Mommy?"

"Oh, hey, baby girl. Sorry, I was running through the rain."

"Hey, cricket," Castle yells, pointing a heating vent towards her as he slowly pulls out of the lot and onto the street.

"That my Daddy?" Ella asks, sounding funny over the phone.

"Yeah, that's Daddy. Did you hear him say hello?"

"Yup. Mommy, Dash say I gotta be witch. _Dash est stupide_."

Kate presses her lips together. "Ella, don't call your brother names. Even in French. Are you guys doing MacBeth?"

"I not know," she sighs.

Probably MacBeth. "You don't have to be a witch. Dash isn't the director; Gram is. Ask her."

"Gram say Lady."

"So be Lady MacBeth," Kate offers. When Ellery was still a baby, they'd taken Dashiell to see his grandmother in a modern version of MacBeth, leaving Ella home with Kate's father. Dash went around yelling, 'Out, out, damn spot!' afterwards, prompting Martha to rewrite the play for kids.

She put it on with one of her acting classes, and by that time, even Ellery was interested. Martha then went on to remake a few other plays, but MacBeth remains Dashiell's favorite.

"No, Mommy. I not want to be Lady." Ellery says it with such derision that Kate has to smother a laugh, running a hand through her soaked hair as Castle drives them towards the OCME's office.

"Who do you want to be, cricket?"

"Mac. I wanna be Mac."

"Isn't Dash MacBeth?"

"I be Mac, Mommy."

Which means yes. Hm. "Well, how about you share? You can be Mac for a scene, and then Dash."

"Noooo," she hears over the phone, a terrible howl from Dashiell. "Mom! Someone has to be the witch in this first scene! I need a witch!"

She rolls her eyes. "Ellery. Tell your brother that Rex can be his witch."

Ella giggles and repeats that back to Dashiell, but it does seem to temper his ire. She hears Gram in the background trying to make this idea fly.

"Ella, baby, you and Dash need to be good for Gram."

"I be good. I be Mac."

"Ella."

"I be good," she sighs.

"Thank you, sweetheart. Want to talk to Daddy?"

"No. I go. Here."

And she gets passed off to Dashiell. Kate turns to Rick and gives him an apologetic shrug. Dash gets on the phone.

"Mom, she's being mean."

"Well, she's being stubborn, actually, and it feels mean to you because you're being stubborn too. You guys need to be good for Gram-"

"We are. We're being good."

"Then share the play, baby. Let Ellery be MacBeth for a scene, then you. I promise Ella will get tired of it before you get to the good stuff."

"You promise?"

"You know she hates being told what to do by the director. She'll go upstairs and play with Abe Lincoln or - hey - tell Gram she can watch movies on the ipad, okay?"

"Ohhh," he breathes in relief. "Yeah, that's good. She'll quit real quick."

Kate grins, closes her eyes at the sound of Dashiell settling down; here's one thing Kate can fix. "Okay, Dash. Be good. Want to talk to Dad?"

"Umm...yeah. Dad."

Kate hands the phone to Castle, and leans her head back against the seat, listening idly to his side of the conversation, watching the rain pelt the city.

She shivers again with the chill on her skin, but her heart is warm.

* * *

"Diane Cavanaugh. Jennifer Stewart. Scott Murray."

She turns to him with a look, and he knows that was underhanded, but she can't forget that it's more than just her mother's murder.

"Castle," she warns.

"Just. Don't forget that three other people were silenced to hide Montgomery's sins."

"Not just the Captain," she says back. "Raglan and McCallister too."

He holds open the door for her and they both enter the building, headed towards lobby security.

"I know. But Kate. Four people were killed to keep three cops in this guy's pocket. He thought it was worthwhile to take at least four people's lives so that he could run this city. And he's been running this city ever since."

She won't look at him as she shows her badge, gets waved through. Castle is waved through as well because it's just Mike, and Mike knows him from their many trips to the Medical Examiners' offices, and Castle hustles after Kate.

"I don't know what I can do about that, Castle," she hisses at him.

"You and I made this agreement a long time ago, Kate," he says back, taking her by the elbow and steering her towards the stairs. He wants privacy and a chance to talk. "You're a homicide detective because our kids deserve to inherit a better world. And you do that - you make this a better city for our kids. But if this guy's in charge of things, if he's doing as he likes without compunction, disregarding human life - we can't let that be the city Dash and Ella live in."

She shakes her head at him, but he can see it hits home with her, can see her blinking furiously. He doesn't want to make her cry; he just wants to give her back her purpose.

"I'm not asking you to be reckless or to throw yourself off a cliff and into this case." He opens the door and ushers her inside the stairwell. His words bounce eerily as they mount the steps. "I'm just asking you to do your job, Kate. Be smart about it, be careful, but don't shut your eyes to what's been going on for the last twenty-five years."

"Captain would kick me off the case."

"Gates or the traitor?" He can't help the bitterness and he holds his hands up in surrender the second it comes out of his mouth. "Sorry. Good ole Uncle Mo. It's gonna take me a while to get over this."

"Montgomery would kick me off. The moment I pulled McCallister into the box and treated him like a suspect. I shouldn't have done that. And now there's Vulcan Simmons and this sniper who _shot_ at my husband, Castle-"

Okay, he can see that. "Kate. There was a time when you'd have fought tooth and nail to stay on this case."

"That time's over. I'm not interested in risking the lives of my kids, my-"

"Did I say that? Am I asking you to do that?" He frowns over at her. "What am I asking is for you to stop tiptoeing around this like it's thin ice and you're going to fall through at any second. You are _not_ going to fall through. You're stronger than that."

She's silent for a long time, their steps matched, pacing each other, and then when she does speak, her voice is strained not by the hike up the stairs but by their conversation.

"What if I'm not strong enough?"

He regards the side of her face, the shame flashing in her eyes, tries to give that question the thought it deserves, let her know he's not dismissing her concerns.

"If you're not. I am. We are. Together, Kate. That's how we got through the Butcher, that's how we get through this."

She lets out a breath but her hand fumbles at his, snatches his fingers and squeezes.

"Okay."

"Okay," he agrees, relieved to hear the determination once more in her voice.

* * *

"Cover ID," Esposito announces the moment they make it to Lanie's office. He and Ryan are hovered at her computer station.

"You got a match on the print? That fast?" Kate asks, glancing to her friend. Lanie has a hand held protectively at her stomach, gives Kate a sad twist of her lips.

"The Raglan murder's at the top of the heap," she explains.

"Hal Lockwood," Ryan says quietly, reading from the screen. "Just came through. Male, white, thirty-seven. He's clean, according to this; never had so much as a traffic citation. But his credit history only goes back five years. Before that-"

"Nada," Esposito finishes.

Kate shares a look with him, the way things are being said. _This guy is a professional. This guy is more than good. This guy has someone behind him with deep pockets._

"Uh. Guys?"

Kate feels the moment expand to the breaking point, all the tension of the last few hours thinning out until it cracks and falls apart.

This is it. This is how it starts.

_Don't let me fall._

"Credit card's active," Ryan says, a huff of unbelievable under his breath. "Shows Lockwood has checked into a corporate suite in midtown. Just now."

* * *

Back in the car, her pulse racing, her fingers on the steering wheel, and all she can think about is how she didn't kiss Dashiell and Ellery good-bye this morning. She just - she left. Dash was probably asleep or watching tv after his nightmare, but she didn't even go into their rooms-

She's supposed to be calling into the judge for a warrant to raid the hotel suite. She's supposed to be informing Gates of their lead and the sniper's cover ID, and instead she's clutching the wheel and calling to mind the way her daughter looks up at her, wrinkled forehead, and says _I not know._

_Me too, Ella, baby, me too._

Her heart is pounding hard. It's not that she thinks she's going to leave them orphaned; she doesn't. If the sniper had wanted to kill Castle, Castle would be dead. Honestly, if Lockwood wanted to kill her, so would she. Because it's not like they've been on top of things lately, not like they'd see it coming, not like they've been going after her mother's case. She doesn't even have the stuff any longer - no murder board, no index cards, no photos. As if throwing that stuff away also threw away the questions.

But the questions linger. One question.

_Why_?

Castle is on the phone, speaking softly as he cancels their dinner reservation and she realizes, in that moment, that _they do not need to do this._

He set up something special for date night, didn't he? He was going to-

Oh, oh damn it. Their anniversary.

How has she forgotten that?

She picks up her phone from the cup holder and calls Esposito. He answers immediately, sounding a little breathless. "Yo."

"Go home. Drop Ryan off; you go get Lanie-"

"Lanie rode out with us," Esposito interrupts, and he's not questioning her sudden change of heart. "She didn't want to wait to find out-"

_How it went. _Whether anyone _died_ in the raid.

"Then go home. I haven't called for a warrant. I'll talk to Gates and ask her to put guys on the hotel suite, see if we can study his movements, be a little more prepared. Nab him tomorrow. We serve a warrant on a sniper and I don't think - I want to feel more confident about our chances. You get me?"

"I can take him."

She snorts and can imagine Esposito's indignant male pride. "You could. Sure you could. But I don't want any of us to have to take him. We know where he's staying; we can slow down, do this right. Not go in there guns blazing and end up in a Mexican standoff or worse."

"Beckett, nothing worse than a Mexican standoff."

"You'd be surprised," she mutters. "Go home."

"Got ya, Boss."

She hangs up, fingers tight around her phone, knowing she has to explain this to Gates. But it's late and she wants to have date night with her husband and then go home and kiss her kids good-night and maybe crawl into bed with Ellery for a few minutes, since she knows it won't disturb the girl's sleep-

"Kate?"

"I know you just gave me a pep talk about not acting like-"

"No. I think you're right. Nothing wrong with putting surveillance on Lockwood and making sure of where we stand. That's smart."

She nods. "And I know you just canceled our reservation, but can you call Madison or Rafe or some other place and-"

He laughs. "Babe."

She bites her bottom lip and glances over at him; he's shaking his head.

"Who do you think I was just calling to cancel?"

She shrugs.

"Madison. She was - in on it."

Heat flares in her chest and she finds it hard to breathe past the way he's looking at her. "In on. . .what?"

He just smirks at her, secrets locked behind his blue eyes. "Date night, of course."

"Of course," she murmurs. "So call her back. I've got to call the new Captain and try to sound like I'm not dropping the ball."


	29. Chapter 29

"I just want to change," she murmurs against his mouth. He wants to keep her here for just a little bit longer, let his body press hers against the hallway of their building, search out all the secrets of her mouth. Instead he slides his fingers against her neck and lets her go at the door.

Kate unlocks the loft and he follows her inside, stumbles back when both kids collide into them with shrieks. Rex bounces up on his front paws like he doesn't know how to jump, tail wagging eagerly, everyone stumbling.

"You just want to change?" he remarks, giving her an eyebrow.

She makes a face at him and drops her stuff in the entry, leaning over to hug the kids. "Hey guys. What's going on?"

When Ellery detaches from her mother, Castle can see that she's got her little dragon riding on her shoulder. Ug. He hates that thing. No, no, he doesn't hate it - he just finds it off-putting. (Maybe if he tells himself that long enough, it will be true.)

"'Most dinner time," Ella says, coming for him now. He kneels down, nothing for it, and embraces her in a hug, lifting her up in his arms. "Gramma making me pancakes."

"Ahh, lucky girl," he murmurs, kissing her cheek, avoiding the lizard.

"What are you guys doing back here?" his mother says from the kitchen. She's still dressed to the nines, but she's wearing one of his aprons. "I thought there was - you know-"

"Date night is still on," Kate says with a grin. "I just wanted to change."

She slips away from Dashiell, and Castle corrals his son with a hand to his head, stepping around the dog as he ushers them back to the kitchen.

He stoops to let Ella down, but she clings to his neck, and despite Abe Lincoln being right at his cheek, he keeps her in his arms. Dash rubs on his dog's head and climbs up into the chair at the bar, sitting on his feet.

His mother is pouring batter onto the skillet and it looks like she's already got a few made. Castle reaches over and snags a smaller pancake, dodging his mother's sudden slapping hand to get it. Ellery giggles and opens her mouth in silent command.

Castle shares a chunk with her, gives half to Dashiell, and puts the rest in his mouth.

"Do you have it on you?" his mother murmurs, lifting her eyes to him.

He glances back quickly to their bedroom, but Kate's nowhere in sight. "Yeah. I've had it on me all day."

"Ooh, show it to me. I want to see it."

"I want to see it too, Daddy," Ellery says.

"You've already seen it, cricket. You were with me, remember?"

"What is it?" Dash asks eagerly, bouncing in the chair. "What did Ellie get to see?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"I'm no good at secrets," Dash says mournfully, slumping his chin into his hand.

"Well, you only have to keep this one for the next few minutes. I'm gonna give it to Mom tonight." He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out the box, opening it for them.

"Bam said the lady," Dash says with relish.

Castle barks a laugh and his mother gives him a long look, something in her eyes that he thinks just might be pride, for the ring or for his hilarious son, he's not sure.

"Yeah?" he grins at her, letting Dashiell reach in and pluck it out.

Martha smiles at him and flips a pancake over. "You did good, kiddo."

Dash is holding the ring up close to the light and looking at it. "Careful, buddy."

"It's pretty. It's for Momma?"

"Yeah. It's for our anniversary."

"Huh." Dash hands it to Ellery, but Castle snatches it before he can make the exchange.

"Nope, back in the box. Ella has already seen it." He shoves the box closed and pushes it into his pocket again - right on time, because Kate's voice floats over the air.

"Okay, ready. Let's go, babe."

He turns and finds Kate standing in the living room, shoes in her hand, reaching for her coat that's thrown over the back of the chair.

Beautiful. Black dress he's seen before, what hasn't he seen?, but she's pulled her hair up to expose the slender length of her neck. Her eyes are dark with charcoal liner, a tinge of golden amber in those depths, and she steps into her shoes as she watches him, smirking.

"Mommy, you so pretty."

Castle glances back to Ella, her soft sighing words still resonating in his ear and his heart. He drops Ella to the counter and heads for Kate, growls in frustration as he comes back to Ellery.

"Sorry, cricket," he says, and puts her down on the floor. _Then_ he gets to go to Kate.

* * *

She leans in against him in the back seat of the town car, watching the city slide past the window, her chin on his shoulder. Kate touches her lips to his cheek once more, softly, plays with the material of his dress pants right at his knee.

He reaches up and touches her jaw, turns his head towards her. "You thinking about Lockwood?"

"Yes," she admits.

"Stop."

"Wanna distract me?"

"I thought I was," he sighs.

She smiles and presses her mouth to the corner of his. "You were. You are. Love you."

"Uh-huh." But he's smiling back, stroking his fingers down her jaw. The car swings them to one side and she laughs as he uses the momentum to resettle in the seat, pressing back against her.

She circles her arms around his chest, cheek to his back, squeezing hard like Dash, and then he's moving away from her, letting her up again. Kate lays her hand on his thigh, palm up, fingers wriggling until he takes it.

"What's in your pocket?" she asks slyly.

He grunts. "You ruin the best surprises."

"It's still a surprise," she laughs. He's still pouting. "Aw. Poor, baby."

"I like stud better."

"Can't always get what you want."

"I got you."

She snorts at that, but his smooth lines still get to her. Every time. Good thing he's hers.

"It's your present," he says finally, bringing her hand up and shaking it a little. "So leave it alone."

"Fine, fine. Won't ruin your moment."

"Good. And here we are. Excellent timing." Castle nudges at her and she opens the door, slides out of the car. He comes after her, a hand at her back, waving off the driver.

"He coming back?" she asks, tugging her coat closer. "I am _not_ walking home. It's freezing."

"You're always harping on me to take public transportation so-"

She swivels back to him, mouth open, and he laughs. "Punk."

He laughs harder, and she heads for the front entrance of Madison's restaurant, knowing he'll follow.

* * *

Castle spends the night watching her. As she tucks her hair behind her ear, bites her bottom lip, runs her fingers over the stem of her wine glass, or strokes his knee under the booth's table. They get to sit close, and Madison has only interrupted them once, thank you Maddie, and Kate feels relaxed against him, loose.

He manages to steal a kiss after the waiter removes their finished entrees, then Castle cups her cheek in his hand and kisses her again, softer, gentler, brushing his thumb over her lips as she hums.

Dessert is excellent, and Rafe comes by to visit with them, grinning at them in the candlelight, but he's waiting on Allie to get here, and he leaves a few minutes later.

Kate licks her thumb free of chocolate and raspberry sauce, lifts her eyes to him.

Wow. She's breathless and stunning. Or he is. Breathless and stunned.

"I love you so much."

Her thumb drops from her lips and she smiles, broadly, all gorgeous and those lines and her cheekbones, those brilliant teeth, and her eyes shining at him, and damn. How did he get this woman?

She leans in and presses a kiss to his mouth, again, again, little kisses that aren't enough but they are promises, infinite promises, her lips soft and cool from dessert, sweet.

"I love you too," she murmurs finally, her lashes lifting from her cheeks as she stares at him. "You gonna give me my present now?"

"So demanding," he murmurs, but he's grateful for her teasing, the way she's pulling him back from the edge. He marvels at it really, the way they go back and forth, the way they balance each other.

"Are you gonna give it to me?" She hooks her arm through his and she's wriggling a little, her body taut and svelte against him. "Come on, Ricky. . ."

"Childlike glee is weird on you," he mutters. "But sexy. Weird but sexy."

She laughs, hugging close, and kisses his jaw. "My present. Come on, come on."

"Greedy too. Now I know where Dash gets it from."

Kate huffs and shifts away from him, but he grabs for her, slides his arm around her waist, clutching her hip.

"Acting like Ella now. Sullen and pouty."

She bites her lip, a little roll of her eyes, but she's still grinning behind it, still trying not to laugh, her voice dry. "That's funny. What a comedian."

"I try." He smirks at her, but he's already got the ring box in his hand, does a little distraction with the fingers stroking her hip, and then magics her present right in front of her.

She gasps - wow, she _really_ didn't see that coming? - and then her cheeks flush because she must realize how dorky she sounded. Because she meant it, that little flutter of surprise, she meant it, and somehow that makes this moment more than perfect.

"You got me a ring," she hums, turning her eyes to him.

"You told me you wanted me to," he hedges.

"I did?"

He laughs softly, nudges the box towards her. "You did. Open it."

"When did I - oh." She gasps again, but this time it's a little more breathless, a lot more stunned, and she cups the box in her hands as she stares at it. "Oh my God."

He waits her out. He knows her, how she likes to relish the moment, soak it up, so he doesn't ruin it by asking all the nervous questions he wants to ask. She's adorable; she really is. Deep down, in her secret self, the private world that he's been allowed inside of - that she's created with him - she's just so adorable.

"Will you marry me?" he murmurs, smiling because he can feel her shiver against his side.

"Too late," she says finally, trying to go for light but her voice is rich, thick. "Already taken."

"Ah. Lucky guy."

She hands him the box. "Put it on me?"

He pulls the ring from its velvet bed and looks up at her; she's staring at the ring.

He went with titanium because it's indestructible, even though her mother's ring is gold, and because he wanted something different, something as indomitable as Kate Beckett Castle herself.

Castle slides it slowly down her left ring finger, her hand cool against his, her bones both so thin and so strong at the same time. Like nothing can ever hurt her. She bends, but she doesn't break.

The wedding band circles around to meet off center around her finger, the two stones overlapping so that they form almost an infinity symbol, or yin-yang. He thinks it's like their relationship, two different people meeting and touching, forming an unbroken circle, but still remaining whole, independent, opposite but coming together.

That they've managed to figure out how to do this without sacrificing themselves, without having to stop being Rick and Kate, or Beckett and Castle, but still creating a third entity, their family - it's amazing.

She wriggles her fingers and grins up at him; her other hand comes up and swipes at her left eye, a lone tear that she shoves away.

"Here, take it off a second," he says, and tugs on her finger, pulls the ring down.

"No," she exclaims, but silences when he tilts the band to her eyes and lets her see the inscription.

They had a conversation once on a run, a deep conversation about marriage and the poet Rainer Maria Rilke - that conversation kept swirling around in his head as he was looking for rings.

She reads it softly to herself; he can see her mouth moving. Another tear slips out but she doesn't chase after it. She clears her throat but can't seem to make the words come out. Of course, he edited that quote from Rilke a little because he's a writer and that's what he does, but she knows, he can tell she knows exactly where it's from.

So he says the line himself, the one she spoke to him that day when they were still trying to figure out their family, he speaks the words back to her like a talisman-

"Love holds you in its hands; it will not let you fall."


	30. Chapter 30

One blue, one black.

Beautiful.

"It's the kids, right?" she murmurs, pressing her cheek against his shoulder, the ring on her finger against the table. "Blue eyes, dark eyes."

"Yeah," he says softly, so quiet, his voice rich with love.

She can't look at him or she'll cry. She loves this man, so very much. "What kind of stones?"

"Diamonds."

"I didn't realize they could be colors."

"They're considered imperfect."

"Oh, I love them," she breathes, can't help but lift her eyes to his at that little revelation. Imperfect.

"The black is called carbonado. The designer was really quite unhappy about using it for the stone. He kept calling me names in French."

She laughs, breathless with him, the way he knows her, has a story for her, how everything has meaning. "Carbonado."

"Native to Brazil. There are these theories about how the diamonds were formed, because the minerals involved are often irradiated and the fact that it's luminescent."

She gapes at him. "It's what?"

He grins. "This one isn't that bad. It won't act as a night-light, I promise. I just thought it seemed fitting, since Dashiell gets so little sleep, that his stone would be - bright at night."

Oh God, he's too cheesy for words. And she thinks it's adorable. He's making her mushy; his romanticism is catching. But he's already infected her though, hasn't he? A long time ago. Eroding her hard shell every year, every day she's with him.

"A geoscientist came up with the best story. He says that 3.8 billion years ago, a supernova exploded, sending fragments of this mineral tumbling and drifting through space for one and a half billion years before fragmenting as it entered Earth's atmosphere, embedding in the crust for us to find."

"Why is it that a story about a supernova and minerals can suddenly sound so beautiful when you tell it?"

He grins at that. "Makes you hot for me, doesn't it?"

"And then you're impossibly fourteen again," she sighs, but she's still crazy in love with him, and letting her face show it, ridiculous how she can't control it any longer, and he's still all puffed up with pride, and _yeah, Castle, you did good._

"And the blue," he says, his grin replaced with a softer smile, heading back to serious again.

"The blue," she echoes, waiting for another story.

"The jeweler told me that colored diamonds contain structural defects or mineral impurities."

"Screw the jeweler," she mutters, curling her hand into a fist in her lap.

His mouth flickers into a smirk; he takes her hand, smoothing her fingers out. "Uh-huh, figured you like it. I had to strong arm him into putting two imperfect diamonds into my wife's wedding band. He's certain you're going to lead me back to his shop by the ear and return it tomorrow. No woman wants imperfections."

"He said that?" she muses. "You actually paid this man to berate you, Castle?"

"Ah. . .no? I paid him to make that, and the berating was free?"

She smirks and palms his cheek, feels the ring on her finger. "You are a good man. If a little silly." She leans back. "The blue."

"Right. The blue diamond. The most famous is the Hope Diamond, which is cursed."

She smiles. "Allegedly."

"Oh no. Not-uh. It is _so_ cursed. The list is long. The Frenchman who bought it was torn to pieces by wild dogs."

"Back to mine."

"Also, it might possibly be the inspiration for Wilkie Collins's The Moonstone, because that gem was cursed as well. So it's fitting."

"Back to mine," she insists.

"No more story, babe. I just like it. It's a smoky blue, and our girl is just as unpredictable and intense-"

"You're gorgeous," she interrupts, biting her bottom lip even as the words tumble out of her. "I can't - there isn't a way to explain. I just. I love you."

He's smiling, wide, crinkle-eyed, that touch of grey at his temples and his hairline, and she leans in and kisses that lovely, gorgeous mouth that holds all the best stories.

"Thank you for my ring, Castle."

* * *

"You are so getting lucky tonight."

Castle laughs, surprised by her, and clutches her hand a little more tightly as he reaches for the back door of the car.

"I would hope so," he says finally, handing her inside.

When he slides in after her, she immediately claims his thigh; he has to shut the door with her hot and taut body pressed against him. More than a little distracting.

"Still have to say good-night to the kids," he warns, turning back to her in the dark car. The driver pulls out into traffic and it's just Taj, and Taj has totally seen and heard worse from them, so Castle leans in and kisses his wife.

Her tongue comes out to dance with his before he even manages to press his lips to her warm ones; she nibbles at him and slinks closer, a hand at the back of his neck and making funny little circles that his stomach flips in time to.

"Kate," he murmurs, not sure why, just maybe warning her again, but she seems intent on ignoring it.

Her hand is hot against his thigh; her mouth is wicked and clever. He can feel the ring at the back of his neck, the metal warmed by her skin.

She knows him, knows him so very well, and just when his heart is pounding hard and his body starts getting restless, she breaks away from him, slides back, her eyes so dark in the interior of the car, the two of them alone in the night.

"When we get home," she says, and her voice has an edge to it that he likes.

"Promises, promises," he murmurs, and he can practically feel the heat that dances between them.

* * *

Loud piano meets their ears the moment he unlocks the door.

Darn.

The kids are up.

Castle gives his mother a look, but she's in the middle of belting out a song, picking it out on the piano with Dashiell's help while Ellery dances in a purple tutu over her striped leggings and sweater, clomping around in a pair of Kate's shoes.

Kate bursts into laughter behind him, pressing her mouth to his shoulder, slipping her arm around his waist as they stand in the foyer.

Sigh.

Dashiell catches sight of them and slides off the bench, comes running for them. "Dad! I learned piano!"

Castle catches him up in a hug, pulls him into his arms. "You did, huh?"

"And Ellery is dancing. I made all the music. With Gram's help."

Kate slides around him, cradling the back of Dash's head to give him a kiss. "Beautiful music, baby." She heads for Ellery in the middle of the living room, takes her hand to spin her around. His mother is finishing the song - 'I Could Have Danced All Night' from _My Fair Lady_. Appropriate.

Castle carries Dash to the couch and drops him down; the boy jumps on the cushion to the last of the piano while Ellery spins and twirls around her mother. Kate glances at him over her shoulder, grinning, and the piano hits its stride, his mother's voice goes a little sharp on the high notes, and for some reason, Ella throws her arms up spins crazily as the song ends.

The loud thumping end and then his mother takes her bow, the kids applauding and cheering - no wonder his mother loves baby-sitting so much - and Kate's clapping, giving his mother a whistle, so Castle rolls his eyes and rounds out the ovation.

Dashiell jumps from the arm of the couch and runs to the piano, climbs up onto the seat. "See what Gram taught me."

And then Dash plays the opening bars of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' and his parents share a swift, surprised look. Ellery clambers up next to him, Kate's shoes falling off her feet, using two hands to push her hair out of her face, and watching him play the piano.

Dash makes it through the whole song without faltering, and when he's done, he lifts his beaming smile up to them.

Everyone claps, the applause heartier and more intense for their son than for Gram, and Kate comes over to Dash and kisses his cheeks, cupping his face in her hands. "How talented you are, baby. That was wonderful."

"Gram taught it all to me."

Castle turns to his mother, remembering all the songs she taught him as well, child labor for her rehearsals, and grins. She's giving him that demure smile, as if it was nothing, but he knows just how much focus and patience it takes to teach that kid anything.

Kate goes to her, wraps her in a hug. When she pulls back, she glances to Dash. "Hey, Dash, you had fun learning from Gram, didn't you?"

"Gram's awesome."

Castle grins and gives Dash a high-five, but Kate goes on. "Martha, would you maybe - um, well. Could you give Dash lessons? Just for as long as he's interested, I know he can be-"

"Oh, dear one, what a lovely idea. Dashiell, my little man, would you like for me to teach you all kinds of songs?"

"Yes!" Dashiell stands on the piano bench and throws up both arms. "I'm good at piano! My fingers are like ninjas."

Kate laughs as she stands arm in arm with his mother, watching Dashiell celebrate. Castle claps his hands together. "Okay, now that it's settled, time for bed, guys."

Dashiell boos at that until Kate leans over and flicks his ear; Ellery cheers though and hops off the piano bench.

"Have they had baths?" Kate murmurs, glancing to his mother.

"No, we hadn't gotten to it," Martha says back.

"In the morning," Castle interrupts, glancing swiftly at Kate. She likes things to go in order, for the kids to have a routine, and he knows this is always-

But she seems more than fine; she's gathering Ella into her arms and heading for the stairs, still smiling. Which means Castle has Dash duty. Maybe that was the reason for the smile.

"Okay, wild man. Serious about this. Bedtime."

"Why is bedtime so early on date night?" Dash moans. "You _always_ make us go to bed at the best part."

* * *

"I pointed out it was already ten-thirty," Kate tells him, winding her arms around his waist in the kitchen. He feels good, warm, his dress shirt no longer crisp this late at night but smelling like him. "And that he has preschool in the morning."

Castle twists his head to drop a kiss to her lips, moves to shut the refrigerator. "Yeah, I did the same. Still not happy to go."

"We'll have to give him another thirty minutes, make sure he falls asleep." Kate doesn't let go of him, watches him struggle to keep the jug of green tea balanced as she holds on.

"Thirty minutes gives me time for a snack," he says, grinning back at her. The tea sloshes and she laughs, lets go so he can pour. "You did that on purpose."

Kate rubs his back, pressing against him as he stands at the counter. "If I'd been meaning to make you fumble, I'd have done this." She snakes her hand around and squeezes, feels him groan.

"You're ruthless." He slams the jug onto the counter and turns around, grabbing her by the wrist and pressing his mouth against hers.

"Thirty minutes," she warns, but she leans into his kiss, tastes the edge of his lips. "Mm. You had nutella, didn't you?"

Castle laughs, embracing her with his hands splayed at her back, strong and warm, keeping her close. "Nutella on toast. My favorite."

"Mine too, like that," she says, lifting an eyebrow and moving in to taste him again. She can feel the hard stutter of his heart under her fingers as his pulse jumps in his neck.

"You said," he breathes against her mouth. "Thirty minutes to get a snack."

"You are my snack," she murmurs, sliding her lips into a smile.

* * *

"Surely now," he mutters, walking her backward across the living room, hands at the hem of her dress. "It's been-"

"Yeah, yeah," she agrees, and he sees that her eyes are closed, her mouth hovering over his. He grins and kisses her softly, lightly, teasing.

Her eyes flutter open, watching him with that dark intensity that still makes him want to never stop touching her. Her open mouth brushes his, her breath hot against him, and she rolls her hips into him slowly, holding on.

"Bedtime, Castle."

* * *

Kate cradles his face with a hand, her ring shining in the darkness of their bedroom, the sheets hot even as she curls in closer to him. She kisses him softly, sees his eyes slowly slide open, feels the grin against her palm.

"You okay there?" she chuckles.

"You kill me."

"I try."

He laughs back and draws an arm around her, bringing her in closer. She lets him, watches him struggle to keep his eyes open.

"I'm falling asleep," he murmurs.

"Sleep then, Castle."

"What about tomorrow?"

"You coming in with me or have you got work to do at Black Pawn?"

"Some work to do, but I wanna come with you. Kids have preschool tomorrow, so-"

"Okay, okay," she says quietly, stroking along his jaw, back to his neck. "But if you need to be at your job, you really should."

"Don't want you to do it alone, Kate."

His eyes are closed, he really is fading, but she leans in and kisses him once more, silently telling him to go.

"I won't be alone," she assures him, and already, she feels his body heavy beside her, sliding into sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

Castle makes for the kitchen in bare feet the next morning, headed for the coffee maker. He skirts Abe Lincoln, reminding himself to google lizards when he has time, and is just about to grab a mug when he steps in it.

"Who didn't clean up after they spilled?" he growls, flashing a dark look over at the two early-risers.

Kate has that pressed-lip smile, quirks an eyebrow.

"What?" he grouses, lifting his foot to look at the sticky stuff.

"Da-ad, you-"

He glances up and sees that Kate has laid a finger over Dashiell's lips; they're sharing a common look. "Hush, kiddo. You know the rule."

"Ohhhh," he breathes. "No talking to Dad before nine."

"Ho, ho, ho. You two are so funny. Kate, he spilled-"

"No," she cuts in sharply. "That was you. Last night."

Castle stares at the floor a moment before it comes back to him. The tea. Right. And the touching. Right. He lifts his eyes to Dash and Kate, gives them a chagrinned little laugh. "Heh. Yeah. Not my fault though. You were distracting me."

Kate leaves her coffee on the table and comes for him in the kitchen, slides her fingertips across his back as she reaches for the paper towels. Not fair, really not fair, because he wants all kinds of things and it's muddled in his head because it is six in the freaking morning, and really, she just needs to put Dash in front of the tv and crawl back into bed with him.

Where they will sleep.

And that is it.

She wets a paper towel, bends down, and caresses the back of his knee with her fingers.

"Unhh. . ." he groans, slamming his eyes shut.

"Lift your foot, stud," she murmurs, her voice a laugh.

He lifts his foot and she swipes at the bare skin, then rubs the sticky tea off the floor. He moves back, avoiding the wet spot, his hand brushing the top of her head because _two can play at that game._

Only she doesn't look nearly as hopelessly aroused and also exhausted as he feels. Darn.

Her hair feels so nice, and soft, and he wants to bury his face against it and close his eyes and breathe-

"Wake up, Daddy," she murmurs, suddenly right in front of him, a hand at his chest to keep him from pitching forward into her. She tosses the paper towel towards the sink and then reaches up and taps on his chin. "You sure you want to come in to work with me?"

"Yeah, yes. Yes." He nods for emphasis, insisting on his wakefulness. "Have they called?"

She shakes her head. "Lockwood hasn't shown up at his hotel room yet."

"You going to wait him out, or go in guns blazing? Because I would really like to vote for guns blazing. You are so bad-ass when you-"

"Dad! You can't say that word! Even if it _is_ morning time!"

He growls and squints his eyes at Kate as she laughs at him, then turns around to face his son. "It slipped out."

"We need a swear jar. You have to put money in a swear jar."

"What?" he says, the whole idea sounding entirely repulsive. Sometimes he needs those words.

"Every time you swear, or cuss, or say bad words-"

"Those all mean the same thing, Dashiell," he interrupts.

"-then you gotta put a dollar in the swear jar. And the kids get the money. Oh but only if the adults are cussing. If the kids cuss, then we have to put a dollar in it."

"But you never cuss."

"I know!" Dashiell beams at them. "Jessie has one at her house because her dad's a potty-mouth."

"So is yours, apparently," Kate laughs.

"I am not a potty-mouth. If any of us is a potty-mouth, it is you, Kate Castle."

She flashes him a hot look - entirely too hot for right in front of their impressionable son - and then she heads back for her coffee.

"If anyone is a potty-mouth it's the toilet!" Dash crows, laughing at his own joke, and really, _really_? hasn't Castle taught him better than that? Laaaaame.

"Aw, hear that?" Kate says, reaching out to rub a hand through Dashiell's hair. "Like father, like son. Bad jokes."

He huffs at them both, then points a finger at his wife. "You, woman, are going to get me coffee to make up for that. And _I_ am going back to my room to shower. Because there used to be rules in this house about antagonizing me before nine o'clock. Rules, I tell you."

"Don't leave mad, Castle. Just leave."

Dashiell giggles, and Castle throws her another look over his shoulder, and she's all smirking and hot and clever and _ug_, it is so _not fair_ how much he wants her and how utterly too tired he is do anything at all about it.

Oh, but.

Heh. Yeah.

Castle switches directions, stalks past the kitchen and into the dining room, snags Kate by the back of the neck, an arm around her waist, and draws her up against his chest.

She lets out a startled breath, her hands come to his back, and he leans down and gives her a thoroughly devastating kiss, suckling on her tongue and pressing her hips into his body, letting her feel every bit of him, letting her know.

And then he steps back, and she gasps in a breath, finally, and stares at him, her eyes dark and liquid and aroused.

Ha. Now she's just as worked up as he is.

* * *

Kate and Dash, little co-conspirators, are in the living room having a conversation about - whatever, he has no idea - and Castle is the one who has to go upstairs and wake the baby, get her moving.

"You want to come in to work with me, you've got the cranky one. Get going, stud."

Awake after a shower, a long and hot shower, dressed in a navy blue button down and jeans, Castle leans over the back of the couch and puts his son in a chokehold of a hug, then moves for the stairs.

It's still dark and quiet up here, the hush of muted, soft carpet against his bare feet. He pushes open Ellery's door, the room which used to be Alexis's, and steps inside, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

When he sees his littlest girl, she's in a ball at the foot of the bed, her head at the wrong end and her dark hair spilled out from under the covers. Castle creeps inside and climbs over her and into the bed that's gotten pushed up against the wall to make space for the terrarium (which he refuses to look at).

He lies down with her, slides his legs under the pink and purple comforter, gets really close, his face to her face, and gives it a moment.

It's quiet in here, they're closed off from the two early birds downstairs, and he really could fall back asleep. But he won't. It's nice to have this moment with his daughter, to wake her slowly so that she stays happy.

Kate never manages it; Kate always gets a grumpy Ella and some major fights about every step of the morning routine. But Castle has figured out how to make his daughter drift lightly up out of sleep and smile at him.

He lives for these moments sometimes.

Castle brushes his fingers through her hair, leaves his palm on her hot little neck. She breathes deeply, slowly, and he leans in closer so that she can feel the rumble of his voice.

"Ellery," he breathes out.

A finger twitches.

"Ellery," he calls again, a little louder, not even a whisper, just the barest curve in the frequency of his voice.

Her mouth closes, parts again, closes on a deep inward breath.

"Ella," he says quietly. "Ella."

Her eyelids slide up, lashes separating slowly, the drowsy and distinctive blue to meet him. No recognition yet, no true wakefulness.

"Ella Kate, time to get up," he murmurs, and slowly withdraws his hand from her neck and face. With the movement, her eyes grow more aware, her body moves from limp and heavy to firm and warm.

"Daddy."

He waits, doesn't respond, gives her a chance to really wake up. He knows when she's with him because she gives him that soft, clever smile and slides over into his arms, sighing down against his chest in happiness.

"Good morning, my little pigeon."

Her arms around his neck squeeze, her toddler fingers making him melt, and he growls and gives her bear-kisses, nipping at her as she giggles.

"I could eat you up, nom nom nom-"

She gasps on a giggle and squirms away from him, sliding out of bed, her hair in disarray, her eyes bright and surprised.

Uh-huh, he's just that good. He got Ellery out of bed in under five minutes.

Castle follows her out and palms the back of her head as he moves towards her dresser. "Pick out your clothes. No black today, too much black-"

"Black stripes?"

He sighs and turns around, giving her a look. "Okay. Black stripes. Those are leggings, aren't they?"

"Yes," she says with relish and climbs up on her chair to peer past him into the middle dresser drawer. Ella reaches in and yanks out her black stripe leggings, holds them up with pride.

"What about a shirt? And pants or something."

She giggles and suddenly leans her head against his arm, eyes drooping. He strokes the side of her face, then pokes her in the belly, making her laugh and perk back up.

"Mine dragon shirt-"

"Dirty clothes."

"Mine cookies and milk-"

"Also in the dirty clothes."

She sighs and digs her hand around in the drawer, finally comes up with a brown tshirt that used to be Dashiell's. It shrank in the wash. A lot. And it's somewhat a point of contention because it's got panda bear ninjas all over it, and Dash really loved it.

"Your panda ninja shirt?"

"Yes," she says, clutching it to her chest.

"Fine. Get your pjs off, cricket, and I'll find you some pants-"

"No, Daddy," she says, rolling her eyes. "My bouncy skirt. Skirt with leggings."

"Oh, my bad. Bouncy skirt, right." What the heck is her bouncy skirt? "Um. Can you maybe tell me what I'm looking for here?"

She tugs on his shirt. "Like this."

"Ah, it's navy blue like my shirt?"

"Uh-huh. Find it Daddy."

"Aye-aye, Captain."

She giggles and jumps off the chair; he can hear her stripping off clothes and slinging them around the room as he hunts through her drawers for a navy skirt.

When he finds it, it's not at all bouncy. It's actually corduroy, with the seams at the front and back, and the pockets made of lighter blue patches.

Strange. He presents it to her, but she's hopping around the room in her leggings, one crazy stripe angling from her ankle to her knee, extra material hanging off her toes, the waistband just at her thighs.

He laughs and she throws him a grin over her shoulder, coming up to him with a couple more hops.

"You help."

"Yeah, let me help. Is this your skirt?" he asks, leaning over to pull the tights up, nestling her toes into the toes of the leggings, then tugging up from there.

"My bouncy skirt."

"Why's it bouncy?" The material is actually pretty stiff.

"I bounce so high, Daddy."

"Oh, when you wear it?"

"Yes."

"Okay," he grins, finally getting her leggings up her hips even with all her wriggling.

Her bedroom door pushes open wider and he glances up to see Kate in the threshold.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?"

"Hi, Mommy."

"Wow, you're awake." Kate gives him an impressed look and he tries not to be too smug. He's probably failing.

"Daddy wakes me up."

"He did, yeah. You getting ready for preschool?"

"I wear my bouncy skirt. Daddy say no black but I have these." She kicks her leg out to show Kate and catches Castle in the armpit as he bends over her. He laughs and rocks back on his heels, giving her a look.

"Careful. Hey, put that skirt on now, little pigeon-"

"I not a pigeon, Daddy. Birds are gross."

"Sure, baby. Skirt."

Kate comes farther into the room and strokes her fingers through his hair, no doubt mussing it, and he throws her a dark look for it that she just grins at.

"Ella, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Toast."

"With peanut butter?" he prompts. "And maybe some scrambled eggs? You could make a little sandwich?"

"No, Daddy," Ella says with a patented sigh. "Toast. Only."

"Don't push it," Kate murmurs, and then shoves on his forehead as she turns to leave. "Toast will be ready when you are, cricket."

Ellery may sleep like him, but she eats like Kate - almost nothing in the morning, small amounts for lunch (he's always unloading her preschool bag and finding that the teacher has put back more than half what he packed for her). Of course, she eats enough at dinner - not as much as Dashiell of course, but plenty. And yeah, there are two snacks during the day at preschool, so it's not like she's starving, but it-

He's not a grazer like Kate and Ella. So it seems crazy to him. Dashiell - that kid will stuff everything into his face. So long as there's hot sauce on it and it doesn't have a funny texture, at least.

"Daddy, come on," she whines suddenly.

He snaps out of it and slides her skirt up her hips, buttons the waistband. Then the shirt over her head, the long-sleeves with their panda bears doing ninja tricks across and over the shoulders and down her back. Pandas all over.

Then she runs for her lizard, cooing and calling to it like it's a baby, and Castle leaves the room.

"Five minutes, Ellery. Then breakfast."


	32. Chapter 32

"All my people!" Dash shouts, bouncing in his seat as Kate turns out of the garage.

Everyone in the car - kind of rare in the mornings. Kate glances at her son in the rear view mirror, catches his wide grin. "Stay in your seatbelt," she warns, seeing his shoulder start to slip out from under the strap.

He slides back at her command and Castle hands her the travel mug of coffee. Second cup of the morning; she has her first with Dashiell, the two of them enjoying the early sunlight that pours in through the windows, having conversations about anything and everything.

This morning it was about words - specifically, dingleberries, which Kate is going to kill Castle slowly in his sleep for teaching her son, but it is, maybe, just a little bit funny.

Dash is convinced that such a thing should not be named a _fruit_, and if it is named like a fruit, does that mean it looks like raspberries, or does it mean that it's the fruit of a person's body - gross, so very gross - but this, lately, is the kind of conversation her son wants to have.

Bodily functions. He is all boy.

And Kate is willing to answer him - the two of them cuddling on the bench seat at the dining room table, Dash sipping his watery Sanka while she savors her coffee, her body unfurling to the morning, her brain clicking into work.

She can actually envision a day when her son will ask her about her case and she will not hesitate to answer him.

Kind of blows her mind, but since he turned five, Dash has been curious and not nearly as traumatized as she expected.

All boy.

Ellery could probably handle it too, now that she thinks about it.

"Hey," comes Castle's voice, interrupting her train of thought. "What's first?"

"Check on Lockwood's place. Do a sweep."

"Even if he hasn't shown?"

"All night? He's probably made us. We'll go in, see what he's left behind."

"Kate."

She turns her head slightly to see him, catches the worried look on his face. She reaches out and grabs his fingers, squeezes. "It's fine. It's all good."

He nods, but he doesn't say anything more.

At least not while the kids are in the car.

* * *

Preschool drop-off is from the car line this morning. Castle signs the clipboard from the passenger seat while the kids are being unloaded from the back by Ms Amy. Dashiell returns to swing between the two front seats and kiss his mother on the cheek with a little grin.

Kate melts. Dash is already charging for the doors with his backpack bouncing against his legs, Ellery struggling up the steps with Amy at her side. Castle hands the clipboard back to the woman in charge of car line and then Kate heads out, circling the parking lot and back to the main street.

"Ellery didn't even say good-bye," Rick sighs.

Her lips quirk into a smile; she reaches across the gear shift for his hand, plucks it from his thigh, squeezes. He's a beautiful man, and a sappy father, and a goofball, and he's hers. She brings his knuckles to her lips and kisses them.

He unfurls his fingers against her mouth, taps her cheek; she lets him go and tries not to be frustrated by the rush hour drive to work.

"Did you call Esposito about Lockwood?" he says.

"Yeah, I did." She tries not to let that sound like she's put-out with him questioning her. But she is quickly getting there. She knows how to do her job.

"Maybe you should-"

"Castle."

"What?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes, tries to tamp down her frustration. Because it's not him. It's the case, and getting sucked into it again when she thought she'd given it away, and the early morning traffic, and Montgomery.

It's not her husband. It's just everything else.

"We're going straight to the 12th, reporting in to Gates, and then heading out to the hotel suite that Lockwood hasn't come back to yet. And most likely won't."

He sighs.

"I want you to hang back," she adds.

"What? Why?"

"Not - no. I mean, when we go in. I want you outside until it's clear."

"You want me to wait in the car?" he mutters, and she sees him slide her a look.

Good point. "Okay, no. Just hang back behind the team, okay? I don't want you in just a vest entering in behind me-"

"You'll only be in a vest."

"With my team."

"Am I not on your team?"

She growls and gives him a quick glare; she wants him to just agree and shut up, wait on her to do her job while he stays safe.

"Kate. Am I not on your team?"

She should arm him at least. She shouldn't, but she will if it means she doesn't have to worry about him. "I'll give you my extra piece before we go in there; you keep it at your side-"

"No, Kate. I won't need a weapon. You'll have a whole team, right?"

She grits her teeth and snakes her way through traffic, ignoring him as he sighs again at her side.

Finally at a red light she figures out what she needs to say. "You are my children's father. If something happens, it only happens to one of us. So I need you to hang back. I don't want to worry about you while I'm trying to do this job."

She hears his huff of displeasure; she knows she's emotionally blackmailing him, just a little bit, and she doesn't even care.

"Fine."

She nods, swallowing hard, and goes when the light turns green.

* * *

Castle hangs back as his wife takes point with Ryan and Esposito flanking. And he doesn't like it, hates it, actually, but how many other warrants has she served, how many suspects has she apprehended, how many potentially dangerous situations has she entered in the last five years without him?

More than he likes.

So he's with Newbie at the back - a green kid who keeps nervously checking his weapon's safety (really, Kate? this is the best place for him to be?) and he listens to the boys and his wife enter the corporate suite and clear the rooms.

When it's safe for him, Castle heads down the hall and through the open door, bypassing officers stationed at their various posts. And because he stayed at the back, he's not there with her when she finds them.

The surveillance photos.

* * *

Castle tugs her to one side, takes the photos from her shaking hands, gives them to Esposito. He drops the plastic glove onto the table, brings his attention back to bear on Kate.

"Hey," he murmurs.

"He's got a target," she says, her voice flat.

"We don't know-"

"There are about fifty photographs here, all sectioned neatly into a daily schedule-"

"We don't know that-"

"Castle," she grits out, glaring at him now. Better than the blank horror that's been on her face.

"Just because-"

She darts past him and grabs for Ryan, taking a handful of photographs from him. She's still got her blue gloves on, and she shuffles through the pictures, showing them to Castle one by one as if to prove her point.

"Montgomery. Montgomery. Montgomery and his wife. His wife and kids. Montgomery and his kids. Montgomery-"

"Okay, Beckett," he growls, grabbing her by the wrist and crowding her back to the window. "It's Montgomery. I got it."

"Oh shit," she groans suddenly, and he feels her tension spike as he body grows rigid. "Castle. Oh God-"

He glances down and she's staring at the last photo in the stack. His blood freezes when he sees it.

Captain Montgomery outside the 12th, bending down to give Dashiell a high-five.

* * *

"I think I'm gonna be sick," she moans, and sinks down onto the window ledge, her hands on her knees, her head down.

Castle stares at the photo she's pushed into his chest, his son, his son, God, it's his son-

"Ryan. Where's the rest from this day?" he says finally, darting his head up. Ryan startles at the table where he's already begun labeling the photographs as evidence. Methodical, detailed.

"Which is that?" Ryan asks.

Castle keeps the one photograph, hands the rest back to Ryan. If this is all there is, then this will never see the evidence room, never go into the vault. It will go no further. Castle will burn it.

"Oh, okay, these are apparently from nine days ago. Here. This is the last of that day." Ryan hands back over a thick manilla folder of photographs.

Castle opens it and quickly shuffles through the pictures, reaches the point in Montgomery's day when he came downstairs with Kate and met them for lunch. If Dashiell is in that photo, then there's Ellery and Kate and Castle himself-

No. There's one of Kate and the Captain, but he and Ella haven't been included in the narrow-focused shot. No more of Dashiell either. Just this one.

He sinks down next to Kate on the window ledge. "Nothing more," he says quickly. "That's it."

Ryan comes over to them, gives them both a look, hesitant but determined.

Castle flips the photograph over at his chest; Ryan swears colorfully, half-turns back to Esposito. "Javier - check through each day of surveillance. Look for the kids. All of our kids."

Shit, Castle didn't think of that either. Jenny brought the boys to visit Kevin when they were still on Christmas break - nearly every day. And while Castle doesn't always show up with both kids to surprise Kate, he and Ellery sometimes do come by on the days Dash is in preschool, just to hang out with Mommy for a little bit. It's rare; it really is, but still. . .

Damn.

Javier scans the photos, and Castle reaches over, takes Kate's hand. She squeezes back hard.

"Silver lining?" she murmurs.

"Montgomery's in Jamaica."

"How is that a silver lining?" she asks, her voice tight with strain.

"It means Lockwood probably is as well."

"Oh shit," she groans, and then she turns and presses her eyes to his shoulder, even with the roomful of cops.


	33. Chapter 33

"We got nothing more on Lockwood," Esposito informs them, slapping the file down on his desk and sinking into it. He looks as defeated as Kate, and Castle doesn't like it.

"Surely there's-"

"There's no more leads, Castle," Espo growls. "Nothing. We are out of luck."

Rick rubs at the back of his neck and glances at the murder board. John Raglan, former detective, buddy of Roy Montgomery, and potential whistle-blower. Or just a burdened man looking for redemption, just like their former Captain.

"This guy's a professional," Esposito continues. "Highly trained and well-funded. Maybe even part of a team. We won't find him."

Ryan hustles into the bullpen, a report in hand; he looks pleased with himself. "I got it. Those capsules we found in the suite? CSU says they contain a highly concentrated form of Prazepam, an anti-anxiety drug."

"Makes sense," Espo says. "Snipers are trained to fire between heartbeats. Back in Special Forces, some of the guys would use anti-anxiety meds to slow their heart rate, give them more time to shoot."

Castle crosses his arms, but he sees Kate sitting up at her desk, interested. They all know that Ryan has something more.

He's shaking his head at Esposito. "These aren't the kind you get from a Walgreens pharmacy. Prazepem is no longer prescribed in the US. These were hand-ground by someone on the street. Someone with excellent chemicals and-"

"Vulcan Simmons," Kate murmurs.

Castle turns to her. "Who?"

"Did you say Vulcan Simmons?" Ryan startles.

"McCallister mentioned his name in interrogation-"

"Weird, but it's not him," Ryan interrupts. "Dealers use symbols to mark their product sometimes, and the symbols on the Prazepam? - not Simmons - but Chad Rodrick, a street pharm in SoHo."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go pick him up."

* * *

Castle calls the preschool while Kate is in the box with the boys and Chad Rodrick. Kim gets on the line almost immediately; she's understanding and patient, and she agrees to go check on the kids.

Kate told him not to, that it was pointless, that the preschool won't like them if they call every few months expecting that their kids have been kidnapped or just needing reassurances, but he _does_, he needs reassurances and-

"They're both in class, Mr. Castle."

"Ah, yes. And. I hate to ask but-"

"Safe word is Spongebob. Oh, no, wait, I'm sorry. You changed it last week and I wrote it down, hold on. It's here, right here, if I can find it-"

"No, no. That's okay. I'm-"

"Here it is. Safe word is Teletubbies. Whew. I'm so sorry, Mr. Castle. I thought I'd remember that one-"

"No, I'm sorry, Ms Kim, really. I appreciate - so much - the way you guys look after our kids. The whole preschool is really phenomenal and I know we're demanding and-"

"Not at all, Mr Castle. I can understand the pressures of both of your jobs, but I can't imagine what it must be like to never be certain. I think your kids are wonderful - lively and creative and hilarious. We love having them here."

He takes a deep breath and slumps forward against the window. "Thank you," he says quietly. "They love being there."

"Take care, Mr Castle. And be safe."

* * *

They get a first name from Rodrick, but it's not who they were looking for. Apparently Lockwood has a girlfriend or at least is using a woman named Jolene - blonde, midthirties - to get him what he needs.

"Lockwood might be around then," Kate hedges, rubbing at her forehead outside of the interrogation room. Castle is leaning against the wall, studiedly nonchalant, which must mean he called the preschool even though she told him not to.

"He might be," Esposito says with a shrug. "Or he's heading right for Montgomery."

"Did anyone get in touch with him?" Kate asks again.

"No," Ryan sighs. "Cell goes to voice mail. His wife's too. I haven't tried the kids yet - not sure I wanted to explain it. But if you think I ought to-"

Kate shakes her head. "No. Not for now anyway."

"So this Jolene woman," Castle starts. "How do we find her?"

"Already put her descriptors into the DMV database."

Castle jerks to attention. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go."

Kate manages to smirk at him, amused and grateful for it. "Rick, you've been out of the game too long. You think that search engine can go lightspeed? We don't have supercomputers stashed in the basement."

"So we wait?" he whines and slumps back against the wall. "I'm no good with waiting."

She's still half-smiling, glad of it, when she stalks towards her desk. "Okay, so while we wait - some more patiently than others - we need to get on top of the rest of this. McCallister mentioned Vulcan Simmons-"

"I'm telling you," Ryan says, shaking his head. "I don't see how he's connected. I think McCallister was just tossing an old name out there to get you off the scent."

"Still. We follow the leads we get, Ryan. You know that."

* * *

Vulcan Simmons looks supremely confident when Castle walks in behind Kate, the two of them a team, in sync, his wife only barely annoyed with him for calling and asking after the kids. He'll take barely annoyed over severely pissed any day.

But, of course, she's got that clear expression, still and calm and muddy as a lake - no one sees beneath her surface - despite her slight annoyance with him. She's good; she's always been good.

However, Vulcan Simmons takes control of the interview in seconds.

"They've painted since I was last in here. You'd have been about sixteen back then. Same time you were wrestling some pimply kid in the back of daddy's station wagon. Debating whether or not you were gonna give it up to him, I was-"

"Hey. That's enough," Castle growls, sitting forward and eyeing Simmons.

The man flicks his eyes once to Castle, then hard back to Kate, cold and glittering. "He's sweet on you. Makes him brave."

"What was your association with Detective John Raglan," Beckett says, and it's not even a question. It's a flat statement, giving nothing away. She could be completely uninterested if Castle didn't know better.

But he does know better, right?

"Raglan?" Simmons grins, half-winking at Kate. "Thirsty cop, right? Couldn't pick a winner to save his life, drank away what little money he had. Well, Detective, our association, as you put it, has exceeded the statute of limitations. He's not why I'm here. What's the real reason?"

Beckett narrows her eyes at him, very slightly, and Castle feels the twitch of her body beside his, almost imperceptible, as she leans forward, hands placed firmly on the table. "Actually, he _is_ why you're here. No statute of limitations on murder, Mr. Simmons."

"I like the politeness of that _mister_, Detective. Showing some respect. And yet, at the same time, confrontational. During this phase of the interrogation, the interrogator may also invade the suspect's personal space in order to increase his discomfort." Once more, Simmons slides his cold eyes to Castle, his grin almost a snarl. "You want to invade my personal space, lover boy?"

Castle feels his hand come up, but Kate's already there, squeezing his thigh - _hard_ - and he instead laces his fingers together and settles them on the table, breathing through it. But his heart is pounding.

Beckett's voice is like steel when she speaks. "Look at me, Mr Simmons. Not him. Raglan was about to confess to everything. He was going to spill his guts about you, your whole operation."

Castle tightens his hands, tries to get back in the game. "And that must have pissed you off."

Simmons sits back in his chair, cool and unflappable. "Theme development. Present the crime through the eyes of the suspect. Been here so many times it's rote, by the book, old. Think of new material, Detective."

"You killed John Raglan to keep him from talking." Beckett flips open her notebook and slaps down a photograph of John Raglan on the floor of the diner. Castle feels his vision narrow to the point of that picture. "You ran him and two other dirty cops to do your errand work, and now that they're turning on you, you're looking to take them out."

"What's got you so uptight about this? He was a dirty cop. Couldn't stop drinking and gambling. You should be saying good riddance."

"Listen, you asshole," Castle growls. "You-"

Beckett's grip on his thigh transfers to his knee, tight and painful, and he grits his teeth and flashes her a look.

"Mr Simmons. Twenty-five years ago, there was a murder in an alley. A woman. Johanna Beckett."

Simmons is openly smirking at Castle now, and his blood boils at that, at the way he's completely ignoring Kate now to needle Castle, when all he wants is for Kate to finally get answers.

"Don't look at him, Mr Simmons. I'm the one asking questions."

The command in Beckett's voice is unmistakable, and involuntarily Simmons slides his eyes to Kate once more.

"This woman, along with two of her colleagues, were professional hits carried out on your orders. And then you had Raglan and your dirty cops bury the cases." Beckett slides another photo over to Simmons, who doesn't break eye contact with Castle. "Look at her face. Tell me you don't remember her."

"This is what you think you have on me? A rich bitch who bled out in an alley like the trash she was?"

Before Castle knows it, he's on his feet and lunging around the interrogation table for Simmons, his hands on the criminal's jacket lapels and slamming him up against the wall. "You son of a bitch. You filthy-"

"Castle, stand down."

"-what the hell gives you-"

"Stand down, bro, right now, right now-"

He feels hands on him, a forearm leveraging between himself and Simmons, and the force of the pull has him stepping back, eyes still on old crime boss, rage singing through him so sharply that he could break the damn two-way mirror with the bastard's head if Esposito weren't calling him off.

And then Kate's there in his line of vision, pissed and worried and pissed again - all of it swirling in her eyes. She shoves him back towards the door of the interrogation room, glances once to Simmons.

He's laughing, lips curled up, and he looks now at Beckett, ignoring Castle entirely. "He's more than sweet on you, honey. He's your bitch."

Castle turns, but Esposito blocks his way and knocks him back a few feet. Kate stands her ground though, even as Ryan is eyeing her.

"Remember your old life, Vulcan Simmons. Savor it. Because I am going to do everything in my power to take it all away."

"Stand down, Castle," Esposito mutters again and he's shoved back out of the room.


	34. Chapter 34

"Castle. What the hell was that?"

"He pretty much confessed right-"

"He did not confess. He played you," she hisses at him. "And now I have to write an incident report, inform Gates that my _husband_ can't handle his shit when it comes to an asshole in the box. So again, Castle, _what the hell?"_

He sets his jaw against her and Kate throws up her hands, stalks away from him. Not that his defense of her wasn't somewhat confusingly endearing, but at the same time, what the hell?

She throws her notebook onto her desk and puts her hands on her hips only to find herself being jerked around by her elbow and up into against Castle. She glares at him, but he hauls her into the conference room and slams the door.

"What the hell?" he asks, but it's not a question. "The _hell_ is seeing my own kid in a surveillance photo in the room of a professional hitman, Kate Beckett. The _hell_ is hearing my wife get talked to like she's a-"

"A what?" Beckett says back, boiling frustration in her veins. "Like a prostitute? Because being 16 and deciding whether or not to _go all the way _is even _worth_ ruining my interrogation with your macho bullshit?"

"I don't care what you did in the backseat of your father's car - I don't want him imagining it, Beckett. I don't want him looking at you like that. I don't-"

"You don't own me," she yells back, a hard and fierce anger volcanoing inside her. "This is my interrogation, my job, my _life_, and I need you to not fuck it up."

"And I need you to not curse at me," he growls back at her, stalking forward. "This is more of the same. A lack of respect. I want him to respect you. I want _you_ to respect me."

She stares at him, taking a step back as she feels the load of psychological fallout rain down on her. "What the _hell_ is this about?"

He throws up both his hands and stalks for the door; she cuts him off, putting her back to the doorknob so he can't leave.

"You, Richard Castle, do not get to walk out on this argument. You are the one who did wrong here. Not me. You undermined my whole interrogation with that stunt, and that isn't like you. You don't go off like that." She pokes him in the chest even though she knows he hates it, pushes him back towards the conference room table. "So spill your guts."

He shakes his head and sinks back to the table. "I don't know. It just came out."

"You think I don't respect you?" she questions, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at him. He raises his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "Castle."

"Of course you do. No. I - I wanted to check on the kids and you looked at me like-"

"Are you kidding me?" she groans, putting a hand to her eyes. "That's what this is about?"

"No," he says forcefully, and she feels him grabbing her by the wrist, tugging her hand down. "No, no, it's not. It's - that's the respect part that came out of my idiotic mouth. But what I meant was - he - Simmons - he needs to be nicer to you-"

"Oh. My. God. Castle. He's a criminal. Being nicer to me is not high on his list of-"

"Also not what I meant," he groans, tilting his body into hers with a grunt.

She pushes him back. "Castle."

"I just - I don't like it."

"You know that was his intent, Castle. I know you know that. He was getting under your skin, playing you. You've done enough interrogations with me to know that. So why-"

He shakes his head and tries to hug her, but she puts him off again, staring at him. This just isn't-

"Kate, the guy has pictures of our son."

Lockwood. Oh, Castle.

"Only one," she says and then raises a hand to his chest. "I know. I know."

"He has a photo of our son with Montgomery - the same Uncle Mo who has been hiding the biggest, nastiest secret of all time from us-"

"I know," she murmurs, stepping in a little closer. "I know, Rick. But I need my partner on this, and you can't flip out on our suspects."

"Sometimes it's like this doesn't get to you at all, and then that makes me freak out, because this is my son-"

She runs her palm up the line of his shirt until she can curl her fingers at his neck, steps in a little closer even though that _hurts_, his failure of imagination when it comes to her, it hurts so damn much that he - of all people - believes the facade, but she lets their hips touch and brings their cheeks together and tries to show him she's here.

She's in the middle of this too. "Our son, Rick Castle. _Ours."_

"I'm sorry," he groans. "I'm so sorry. I let him get to me. But if he killed your mother, Kate, and set Lockwoood on Raglan to clean up his mess-"

"He didn't," she sighs at his ear. "I was just trying to rattle him for information."

"Rattled me instead," he grunts.

She slides her palm back down his chest, steps a little bit away to look at him. He has his head bowed before her.

"Castle. I need you to go home."

His head jerks up, his eyes panicked. "No."

"Yes," she insists, projecting a calm she doesn't feel into her eyes.

"Kate," he moans, shaking his head.

"Go home. Get some perspective. Work on Felix and Black Pawn. Get your head in a better place for this. And then you can come back."

"_Kate_," he gasps out, but she pushes away from him, steps out of the circle he's trying to make with his arms.

"Go home," she says again, even though not having him here isn't at all appealing.

She needs him; she needs her damn partner on _this case_ - of all the cases - because this is her mom, and she knows what happens to her.

But.

She can_not_ let her partner fall down that rabbit hole too. If it's going to be one of them, it will be her - not him.

"Kate, please don't-"

"I need you to get some distance. And then you get let back into the 12th. Now. I have to go tell our new Captain why Vulcan Simmons has to be cut loose. And then I'll tell her that you're at home, minimize the damage as best I can."

He hangs his head and she knows that got him, that her having to defend him to her boss has finally convinced him.

"Okay," he gets out, gritting his teeth. "All right. For a few hours anyway. But you call me the moment you get anything new."

"We're just waiting on the DMV now, Castle. Nothing will happen without you."

Kate turns and opens the conference room door, holds it for him. He shoots her a troubled, distressed look, and she breaks her own enforced barrier to lean over and kiss him, softly, lightly, trying to reassure him.

He doesn't look reassured.

But he does leave the 12th, just as she asked.

Ryan watches him go, turns to her with a look.

"Castle's off the team until he can get his head together," she says grimly.

Esposito nods towards Gates's office. "Big boss lady wants to see you."

"I figured," Kate grunts and heads for the Captain's door.

* * *

This is the last place he wants to be right now. Alone.

She doesn't get it. Kate never gets it; she thinks sending him on home by himself will at all help him get his head together? Alone-ness only drives him deeper into his freak-out. He needs her; he needs people. He needs to surround himself with the ones he loves, feel their energy crackling through the room.

He doesn't pick-up the kids early from preschool, even though that's his first instinct. He won't do that to them. He takes the subway to his mother's acting school, but she's in the middle of a class on stage blocking and hitting your mark, so he just waves and wanders back outside.

He stands on the sidewalk, bright noon light bursting overhead, and he doesn't know where to go, what to do, how to make things better. It's not in him to mope alone, to hide himself away and write out the demons; he's always needed people and their noise, the city of moving life and the way it fills him up.

So Castle gets back on the subway and heads for his daughter's apartment.

* * *

"Dad," Alexis exclaims, shocked to find her father outside her door. Shocked but honestly not too surprised. She grabs him by the arm and pulls him inside with a grin. "I'm glad you're here. You can help me pack."

"Pack?" he asks, blinking at her.

"Switching places with Gram, remember?" Allie bumps shoulders with him and guides him to the tiny kitchen. Rafe hates their kitchen; he's so thrilled to be getting a new one to move around in, actually cook a decent meal as he says.

"You're switching apartments with Gram? Kate's old place?"

"Gram's idea. So I asked Mom to be sure and she said she had the same thought. So we're packing up most of our stuff and doing the heavy lifting on Saturday."

"Wait. Do you need help? Have you called movers?" he asks, taking her by the arm and looking far more concerned than she expected.

"Dad," she laughs, reaching up to pat his cheek, lifting on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. "Don't worry. We got it covered. Gram got movers; we've got grad school guys and Rafe's cooking buddies and a truck."

"Oh. Wow. Okay. So what do you need help with?"

"Packing up the dishes and cookware. There's a lot of it." She gestures to the overflowing counters, the piles on top of the tile.

"I see you've gotten a healthy start," her father says, dropping his coat off on one of the bar stools.

"Actually," Allie says with a shake of her head, grimacing. "I haven't. This is - this is what happens when you live with a chef."

"Are you telling me you haven't gotten this stuff down from the shelves but-"

"We ran out of room, so Rafe just - stacks it up." Allie grabs the knob of a cabinet and opens it, showing her father the neat rows of glasses, plates, and serving dishes. "Limited kitchen space and a man whose job it is to cook - they don't mix, Dad."

He laughs and gives her a look. "Well, pumpkin. Let's get started."

* * *

She waits through carefully wrapping the mugs (she and Rafe have adopted her parents' love of coffee for all occasions), waits through the layer of bubble wrap and nesting the cups. She waits through a whole box of plates and then even through the silverware before he finally explains.

"Kate's gotten a lead on her mother's case."

Allie lifts her head and studies her father as he nestles another one of Rafe's kitchen appliances into the larger box. "That's good?"

"It's not good for Kate," he sighs.

"How's that?"

"She says she gets stuck - she obsesses over it. Drowns in it."

Allie can't quite believe that. "But - okay, so maybe Kate Beckett does. But not my mom. Not Dash and Ella's mom."

Her father looks up at her, eyes brighter now than she's seen them in a while. He smiles. "Yeah. You're right."

She shrugs even as he comes around the counter and gives her a huge hug, back-breaking in its intensity. Allie hugs him back with a little laugh. "Dad?"

"You're good at this. The counseling stuff. You've always been good at it. I'm proud of you, Alexis."

She melts back into his hug, wrapping both her arms around him, closing her eyes. "You need to leave?" she asks, because she knows this was his way of working out some 12th precinct problem, just like he used to do. And then he'll run back to it. To her. Kate.

"No. Actually, Kate kicked me out for a while. Until she can smooth things over with the new boss."

"New boss? Oh, because Uncle Mo retired. What's going on?"

And then her father looks at her and she realizes it is so much worse, so much deeper than she thought.

"Dad."

His face twists and he runs a hand down his jaw in that way he has which means _I don't want to tell you this._

"Dad."

"It's - this is - Allie." He sighs and leans back against her kitchen counter, not looking at her.

And then he tells her everything.


	35. Chapter 35

She surges forward into her father's arms and hugs him tightly, needing his embrace back, feeling for a moment again that everything is safe, everything is right, nothing can be so wrong.

"Uncle Mo," she murmurs and shakes her head at her father's shoulder.

"He made a mistake," her father starts, and then stumbles to a stop. Allie knows it's because he can't see past the mistake, the moment of immature, rash decision-making that led to a lifetime of cover-ups and lies and obfuscating.

"How - why did he tell you guys now?" Alexis asks softly, pulling back from her father to look into his troubled eyes.

He looks shocked at her question. "I - don't know. He was retiring, his last night-"

"But why didn't he just keep his secrets? Why let you know at all?"

Her father scrubs a hand over his face in that frustrated way he has and lets her go, stepping back to sink down against the kitchen counter. "I don't know."

"It doesn't make sense for him to come clean now. He'd only - Uncle Mo has spent his whole life thinking he can atone for what he did by being. . .well, by being our family, our friend, and for him to suddenly change his mind?"

Her father gives her a long look. "I don't know. I don't know what to think about him anymore, pumpkin. He just - he's been. . ."

She nods, because she knows. Doesn't she? It was Captain Montgomery she called when her father left that morning six years ago with a note saying he was meeting Kate. Captain Mo who came to the loft and found the map up on her father's laptop, pieced it together. Uncle Mo who picked up her and Gram and took them to the hospital where her father and Kate were being treated.

Uncle Mo who called every day for a week afterwards to make sure that Castle was handling it all right, that he could sleep at night, checking in with Alexis just so her father wouldn't feel pressured to come back to the 12th if he didn't want to.

Captain Montgomery is - was? - like her grandfather, in many ways, and her third uncle, and a gentle, firm man who gives out wisdom and advice quietly, expecting nothing in return.

He made a mistake, and he's spent his life making up for it. Alexis thinks maybe he deserves a chance at happiness in Jamaica with his wife, no matter what terrible things he did in the past.

"He's been family," Allie says finally. "And have you forgiven him for it?"

"Forgiven him?" Her father's head jerks up with a slack-jawed astonishment that makes her wince. "Are you kidding me?"

"He didn't have to tell you at all. He could've let us all go on in ignorance."

"Why didn't he?" he blurts out, slapping his palm against the countertop. "Why didn't he just keep his mouth shut?"

Allie waits, watches her father flare out and deflate, slump back against the counter.

She's glad he came to her for this, glad he's getting to the root of things. Uncle Mo covered up a sin, but he's also soured and tainted every true thing in their relationships with him as well.

Everything is suspect.

"Dad?"

"Why didn't he keep his mouth shut?" he says again, but he jerks upright, his face a mask of confusion, something clicking with awareness a second later. "Alexis. What's his motivation? If he's a character in a story - why would he choose _now_ of all times to tell us? Why not just take his secret to Jamaica with him?"

Allie winces. "Because he thought someone else would tell you first."

Her father nods, gritting his teeth together. "He thought someone else would get to us first."

"Or that you might need to know all the information-"

"Just in case. Just in case someone _does_ get to us first." Her father runs a hand through his hair and growls, tugging on the short strands. He spins back for her front door, then stops with a halt, turns to look at her. "Sorry. Alexis-"

"Go, go, Dad. Don't worry. And if you need me or Rafe to take the kids-"

"No. We'll be fine. Kate doesn't want to do that - she specifically doesn't want to do that. But thank you."

"Dad."

He stops at the door, his hand on the knob; she comes after him and wraps him in a hug. "I love you."

"Love you too, pumpkin. Stay safe. Keep your eyes out, okay?"

"I will."

And then her father leaves.

* * *

When he gets to Roy Montgomery's house, cops are already there.

Castle jumps out of the cab, shoves a few twenties into the guy's hand. "Thanks."

The residential street is awash with blue lights, red beacons, so many cops responding that it scares Castle a little, even knowing that Roy and his wife are out of town.

He heads quickly for the officer maintaining the perimeter, but he doesn't know the guy. "Officer, I'm Rick Castle. My wife-"

"Sorry, can't let you through."

"My wife is a homicide detective-"

"Not a homicide, sir. Can't let you through."

"-with the 12th. The Montgomerys are personal friends-"

"Rick! Mr. Castle!"

He glances up at his name, sees Roy's son waving to him through the tangled knot of officers and detectives. The cop at the barricade gets a jerky nod, and Castle is allowed under the tape.

He heads towards the clump of people, takes the younger Montgomery's hand as it's offered to him. "You okay, son?"

"I'm okay, just shaken up. I interrupted a burglar, I guess. He took a shot at me."

Castle stares at the kid, no longer a kid really, a man already out of college, living his own life, jeans and a polo shirt. "He shot at you."

"I think it was just a warning shot. To keep me from following him. He was ransacking Dad's office."

The detective from Robbery is turning to Castle now. "You a family friend?"

"Yeah, long time. Rick Castle. I do part time consulting with the 12th."

"Oh, right, the author. Detective Glenn, Mr. Castle." The detective sticks out his hand to shake; it's firm and dry. Glenn's skin is mottled with acne scars along his cheeks and neck, his eyes very blue against dark hair. He glances back to the house. "You know why someone might be stealing Captain Montgomery's files?"

His files. "No. No idea." What would Kate say? He should-

"What about anything he was working on before he retired?"

Castle shakes his head again, eyes on the house, then back to Glenn. "We just had a retirement party for him a few days ago. He's on vacation." He knows it's completely unhelpful, but it's also the kind of thing that people in shock say - these random facts dragged up and let out, no real bearing on anything.

The boy stands at his side, shaking a little, and Castle claps him on the shoulder. "You really okay?"

He nods like a puppet, up and down, and his throat bobs as he swallows hard. "Just - just trying to wrap my mind around it."

"Mr Castle, you said you knew Montgomery was on vacation?"

"Yeah," he says distractedly, staring at the boy, wondering if maybe he should call Alexis and ask her to help? Talk to the kid. She's good at this.

"Then why did you show up here?"

"Why did I-" Castle stumbles to a halt, turns back to Detective Glenn. Clever. Too clever. "I told Roy I'd check on things for him while he was gone."

"I was just coming to get the mail," the kid says, crossing his arms over his chest like he's cold. He shivers.

"Hey, have the paramedics looked at you?" Castle says, ignoring the detective. "I should call my wife. She-"

"This isn't the 12th's jurisdiction," Glenn says immediately, successfully diverted by the indications of a turf war.

"No, but she'd want to know," Castle answers, pulling out his phone.

"I've already heard," comes her voice, right behind him, and Castle spins around to see Kate striding across the front yard, Espo and Ryan flanking her, her face like thunder. "What happened here?"

Castle lets out a long breath in relief, and nudges the kid to start over with his story.

Kate's here. She can handle this; she'll know what to say.

* * *

Beckett walks slowly through her Captain's study, notes the bullets lodged in the doorframe. If it was Lockwood cleaning up, then he doesn't intend to kill anyone other than his intended target. He had a clear shot of Montgomery's son, and he didn't take it.

It gives her hope, while at the same time, makes her cold right down to her bones.

Castle is hesitantly standing at the edge of the room, watching her, and she ignores him for a little while longer as she surveys the office. File cabinet busted open, tossed. Desk cleaned out, every drawer dumped in the floor. It will be nearly impossible to tell if any notes or files are missing.

"My dad's laptop is gone. His old one," the kid says from behind her. Kate turns and sees him, draws a hand out to him to grip his elbow. He looks like he needs the support. If she remembers right, he's an accountant, fresh out of college. Hates guns, wouldn't let Roy teach him how to use one.

"I'm sorry about this," she says, gesturing to the office. "We've got a couple really good crews who will come in and clean it up for you. Once everything is done."

"How long does that take?" he asks, staring into the middle distance, not looking at her.

"A while," she hedges. "We may never solve this - no prints, no clear ID on the guy."

His gaze turns to her, long and deep. "Thank you for telling me the truth. To be honest, I don't care what he took. Files? So what. I walked in on the last of it, and I'm just grateful no one else was here."

"Me too," she says softly. "Why don't you go talk to Detective Glenn about when he can expect to get a cleaning crew out here?"

"Yeah," the kid says slowly, then nods and turns away from the mess.

"Castle," she calls softly, and then there he is, right at her side, close but not yet touching. "What were you doing here?"

"Long story. But probably the same as our intruder. Looking for incriminating evidence."

She nods slowly. Meaning Castle didn't drop it and go home, didn't do what she asked. Fine. Deal with that later.

He sighs. "You think he found what he was looking for?"

"I don't know. Impossible to know. But let's go with no. He was interrupted. He took the laptop with him, but it was Roy's old one. I guess he has the newer one with him in Jamaica. He won't have left it lying around for Lockwood or anyone else to find."

"Okay, so no. Lockwood didn't find-" Castle lowers his voice, slides closer to her. "-the file. He's looking for it. He knows it exists. What does that tell us?"

"That the people behind this - the name Montgomery wouldn't give me - that _he_ knows there's a file that Roy had or has. He knows and he's doing everything he can to get it."

"Limit the damage."

"Roy's not here, so-"

"Next best thing. Mop up."

Kate nods, still staring at the ransacked office, but the feel of Castle close at her side is a warmth she missed these last few hours, needs. She twitches her arm against his, hooks her finger around his pinky.

"Mopping up sounds ominous," he says finally.

"It does. Makes me wonder if it's a good idea at all for us to be contacting Roy's friend."

"Shit," Castle breathes out. "The less we know. . ."

"The better?" she finishes, but she doesn't know. She just doesn't know. Too many variables, too many unanswered questions. She can't _not_ investigate Raglan's shooting - and the shooting is part of this.

"Where does Lockwood go next?" she asks.

"I don't know. I'm all out of good ideas."

She sighs. "Me too."


	36. Chapter 36

Castle brushes against her side as she heads for the Crown Vic; he can't help wanting to touch her, reassure himself with the heat of her skin, the firm flex of her arm. Kate steps away from him again, opens the car door as she shoots him a look.

"Am I still banned?" he says with a sigh.

She raises an eyebrow, as if he should know.

"Kate."

"Castle. You were supposed to go home and chill out. Not go running around the city investigating on your own," she hisses at him. Her eyes are dark over the roof of the car but he doesn't step away from the passenger door.

"It doesn't do you any good to send me home. We've been partners for how long? You should know that by now."

She holds his gaze steadily. "Castle."

Ryan interrupts their staredown by hustling towards them. "Hey, boss."

She turns away from Castle to look at Ryan and Castle sighs, testing the door handle with a flick of his fingers. Locked. She'd really keep him out?

"I talked with the uniforms here and it looks like they've put the break-in on high priority," Ryan is saying.

Kate growls, crossing her arms. "That means there's no way Glenn is going to hand this one over."

Castle shifts, glancing back to the house. "Are you gonna tell Detective Glenn about-"

"No," she says quickly, giving him a swift look. "This doesn't go past the four of us."

"Oh and well," Castle starts, hesitating at the horror that erupts on Ryan and Kate's faces. "I told Alexis. I - she - I think she deserves to know."

"Yeah, okay," Kate sighs, rubbing her forehead. "You're right. But no one else. Not Glenn, for sure."

"So what do we do about this?" Ryan gestures to the Montgomery house, phone in his hand.

"Glenn won't give it over, and honestly, if we show anything more than friendly, protecting-our-former-Captain interest, he's going to start asking questions." Kate puts her hands on her hips, shaking her head. "We can't afford that."

Castle inserts his opinion into the mix. "Glenn is smart. He _will_ start asking questions. He wanted to know why I showed up-"

"Why did you show up?" Ryan asks.

"Had a hunch Montgomery might have left something here."

Kate shoots him a look he can't identify, but she unlocks the car doors with the remote and he immediately opens his door, just in case it was a fluke.

"Let's head back to the 12th, figure out what comes next," she says finally. "And Castle?"

"Yeah? Yes. Anything."

"No more private investigating. You're not Nancy Drew."

"I should hope not. I'm thinking Frank Hardy-"

"Get in the car."

* * *

She shakes off his questing hand and glares at him.

"How was the new Captain?" he murmurs, watching the hard set of her eyes.

He knows he's hit the heart of her attitude when she stiffens, a muscle working in her jaw. "Not good. You are not her favorite, Rick."

"Okay, so I'll charm her down-"

"I don't think you can," she mutters. "Really. Castle. What the hell-"

"I know. I know. Look, just - can we let this one go? Stupidity, male posturing, whatever you want to call it. I lost it, Kate. Okay?"

She sighs and presses two fingers to her forehead, her elbow propped up on the door as she steers with her other hand low on the wheel. She isn't looking at him.

"Kate."

"Castle, you've just made it very difficult for me."

He grits his teeth and glances out the window, buildings passing and his eyes not really registering. "I know."

"I have no standing with her," she says quietly. "She has no reason to trust me. What she does have is my husband losing it in an interrogation-"

"Kate," he grits out, but she makes a noise to stop him, interrupt his exasperated response.

"Rick. I know your worth; I know your value to my team. I know we wouldn't have the success we've had without you. But I can't make that case to Captain Gates after this. Which means your access to the 12th is severely restricted."

"What does that mean for this case?"

"It means that I'm not sure you should even come up in the elevator with us."

He sighs and tilts his head back, closing his eyes against it. His own damn fault. If he'd just held it together a little while longer. If he'd just kept it under control. . .

"Hey," she says softly, and the tenderness lacing her voice has him opening his eyes to look at her. She gives him a quick glance, edgy and anxious but soft towards him all the same, and then she sighs. "Not for good, not for always. Just for now."

"I don't like this," he says, looking away again, the skyscrapers, the scaffolding, downtown New York.

"I don't either," she says back. "But this is what we have to do."

After a long moment, he turns his head to look at her, and she's biting her bottom lip. "I can go by the docks and check the dead drop," he says finally, quietly, watching to see what she says to that.

Kate glances back to him with a sucked in breath, then looks away quickly. He can tell she doesn't like that idea.

"Kate. Someone wants that file - went to Montgomery's house to look for it. And we know who has it. So. I should go check the dead drop."

"Not without me."

"You went without me," he says back.

"I. . ."

He waits, and she's practically gnawing on her lip now, her hand clutching the wheel so that her knuckles are white.

"Okay," she says finally. "Check the dead drop. But Castle-"

"I know," he says calmly. "I'll be careful."

* * *

Castle leaves the guys at the elevator, takes Kate by the elbow towards the lobby and the metal detectors. She feels like she's going to throw up; she doesn't want him anywhere near those docks without a gun. And if she's being honest with herself, it has nothing to do with the file.

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to walk by, see if anything's different."

It doesn't sit right with her. "This guy. . ."

"Friend of Montgomery's, remember?"

"Doesn't make me feel better," she sighs. She can't help catching his hand and squeezing his knuckles, crunching them together. He huffs at her, giving her a look, and she steps into him, pushing their joined hands together against his chest. She opens her mouth to tell him _no, don't, never mind-_

"Yo, Beckett," comes Esposito's voice through the lobby.

She backs up and glances to Javier as he jogs towards them.

"Just got a call. Our DMV search has been bumped."

Kate grunts at that and catches Castle's eyes on her. "Someone rich and famous. High profile case got pushed to the front of the line."

He has the decency to flush at that, the line-jumping is so his thing (or used to be), and she sighs and glances back to Espo. "Okay, so what does that mean for our case?"

"We're stalled until we get the results of that search," Esposito says, shaking his head at her.

Kate feels Castle come up to her back, his heat like a statement he doesn't even need to say. Because she gets it; she knows. Perfect opportunity.

"Then Castle and I are gonna explore a lead on our own," she says. "Can you guys stall Gates if-"

"We got your back," Esposito says, nodding.

"Don't stay up there too long. Put in an hour or two and then head home, okay? Because I will need you here tomorrow - bright and early."

Ryan has made his way towards them and he steps into their circle, staying Beckett with a quick hand. "You guys need back-up on this?"

Kate glances to Rick, searches his eyes, then shakes her head. "No. It's probably a dead end."

Ryan and Espo share a look of their own but let them go.


	37. Chapter 37

Castle stares at the building as they go down the street, his gaze drawn in like a magnet. The boathouse was bought last year by a real estate group that then sold it off to a Pod storage company; it holds those white and red containers stacked two by two. Castle can see them through the high, now-clean windows as they go past.

"It's completely different now," she says from the driver's seat of his Audi.

He sighs. "Yeah."

"Not even the same place."

"But still. . ."

"Still."

He suddenly feels her hand on his thigh and he startles, laughs a little as he takes her offered fingers, squeezing. She laughs back softly, both of them more jumpy than they should be, but some wounds - even healed - are still speed bumps, a raised edge on the skin.

"Wait," he says. "Stop. Stop here."

"No," she says back. "It won't help anything."

"Just-"

"No, Castle," she murmurs. "I face it down, you write about it. Remember?"

He does. Their pact after the hearing. So long ago now, and yesterday at the same time. "Did you walk by here before you went to the dead drop?"

"Yes," she says, unhesitatingly.

"Does it smell-"

"Yes. And no."

"No?"

"The docks do, but that building - cleaner, more painted metal. No rust, no stagnant water, only the faint hint of fish."

His stomach rolls at the too-descriptive words. He gets a flash of memory - the feeling of a blade crunching into a skull, solid and rock-hard, reverberating all the way into his bones and vibrating his shoulders, everything in agony, falling forward over her-

"Castle," she says quietly.

"Yeah."

"Don't go back there."

"No. No," he agrees and opens his eyes to look at her.

"We're here, now, not then."

He nods, and feels her stroke her fingers along the inside of his left wrist, over and over, tracing a faint silver line that's almost disappeared. She brings his wrist to her mouth even as she drives down the street, her lips gentle and reverent.

She puts his hand in her lap, a hot flash of heat assailing his fingers, his palm, and then she's turning the wheel and parking the Audi at the farthest end of the block. She stays still though, and he doesn't move to disengage his seatbelt either, letting her set the tempo for this.

Kate cradles his hand between hers, traces the almost nonexistent line from where the cuffs bit into his skin. After a moment, he flips his hand over and wraps his fingers at her forearm, brushing his thumb along her scar instead.

"The wire nearly severed your vein," he says softly. "They told me at the hospital."

"Nearly."

"I don't know how it didn't," he murmurs, and the weight of _almost_ is so hard, so forceful, so sudden that he bows over onto his knees, squeezes her wrist in his hand.

"There but for the grace of God," she says back, and it's so not comforting, but the peace in her voice somehow settles over him, releases the weight, lifts it from his shoulders.

"I don't know how I got out of those cuffs," he says finally. "But sometimes I have a dream."

She lifts her eyes swiftly to his, her face a shock of surprise. "You dream about it?"

"Yes."

"I don't."

"It's just this one dream that I wake from and can't remember. But sometimes when I wake up, my hands, my wrists are in agony, just - screaming with pain - and I twitch or jerk, still not entirely with it, and then it's like. . .everything pops back into place."

She stares at him for a moment, a heartbeat, and then she's reaching for him, her hands cradling his face as she kisses him hard, teeth clashing, a grunt in his mouth that she swallows dry.

"Don't go back there," she says, breathing against his cheek. "You wrote it out, Castle. I've faced it down, you wrote it out. We're done. It's over."

"I think I'm okay," he says, tugging away from her grip, capturing her by the wrists and kissing first one scar and then the other. "I am okay; I promise. Just remembering. It has a thin sheen of horror to it, but it's mostly so far back. . ."

"Mostly," she says softly, stroking her thumbs along his cheekbones before letting him go. "Leave it back there. This is today. I need you with me today."

"I'm here," he says again, and reaches for his seatbelt, pops it open, pushes on the door. She gets out, following him, and then reaches for his hand when they get to the sidewalk.

He takes it, their fingers lacing, and he can feel the thrum of her pulse in between her fingers, beat beat beat, the rush of blood as it echoes their footfalls.

He doesn't look back at the boathouse. He heads instead for the dead drop.

* * *

The box isn't empty.

It still holds her letter.

She sighs and gives Castle a shrug. "I just did it yesterday morning. Can't expect him to respond quickly - not if he thinks we're not his friends."

"We should put it under surveillance," he says, taking a step in closer.

She shakes her head with a little laugh. "Who is doing the surveilling here, Castle? You and me? Taking the kids on a not-so-fun car ride? Yeah right."

"Ah. What about a couple of plain-clothes-"

"On the city's time, or are we hiring these guys?"

He gives her a frustrated look and she shrugs. These are the limitations of the NYPD, the limitations they themselves have enforced by not letting Gates in on the true nature of Montgomery's involvement.

"Wait. We could hire someone, Kate. We actually could. Why not?"

"Because they'd be made. This guy isn't stupid. Look around."

She watches him take in the dilapidated buildings, the creaking boathouses, the empty docks. There's not a good place to covertly watch this dock with it's gate and hook and tackle box. It's wide open space and plenty of abandonment to make anyone stick out like a sore thumb.

"So we check it every day-"

"Maybe every other day," she interrupts.

"-and hope he deigns to contact us? Great."

"Best we can do." She's actually relieved the guy hasn't made contact with them, relieved she doesn't have to think about it, act on it, make a decision that could change her whole family's future - that could perhaps threaten their safety.

But Lockwood is still out there. And some woman named Jolene might be funneling him anti-anxiety meds to help slow his heartrate, let him hold the sniper rifle steady as he takes aim.

And that scares the shit out of her.

"Let's get off the street," she says suddenly, plucking at Castle's sleeve and turning them both around. She heads back for the car, can't help the shiver that travels up her spine.

"Kate?"

"I don't like it here. I know you don't either. And it's a head game; I know he's doing it on purpose, but I still don't like it. It smells like despair."

"Wow, that's pretty poetic, Beckett. In a really demented kind of way."

She glances back at him with a half-smile, grateful for the tease, and reaches back for his hand. He smiles at that, looking pleased, his hand tightening around hers.

Still, it gives her the opportunity to tug him along faster.

* * *

The loft is on the way.

He does some mental math, sneaks a look at Kate as she drives, her bottom lip tugged into her teeth, and he does the math again.

An hour at home, if they hit all the lights right, and the traffic is on their side. If not, then that hour at home turns into an hour late to preschool to pick up the kids.

Which has happened before, sure, and it's not like Dash or Ella would care one way or another, but-

An hour at home.

"Kate."

"Hm."

"Detour."

"What?" she says, a little distracted sounding.

He can't watch her teeth on her lip, can't feel the heat of her skin under the soft material of her dress pants without wanting an hour at home. Just an hour.

"Detour, Kate. Loft first."

"What do you need?" she says back, not even looking at him, her forehead furrowing as if she's thinking, _has his phone died again?_

No. "You, Kate. I need you."

She jerks in the seat; he feels her under his hand and it allows him to shift his fingers, press them closer, and she lets out a stuttering breath.

"Yes, okay. Detour."

He grins and strokes his thumb up and down, knows he's driving her crazy.

Doing the same for him. That's his goal.


	38. Chapter 38

Even with his hand rucking up her shirt, his mouth hovering close, she takes the time to untangle herself and do a slow, cautious sweep of the ground floor of their apartment as soon as they get inside. Nothing out of place, nothing-

Oh, his mouth. Shiiii-

"Castle," she groans and turns back to him, arms coming around his neck to drag him where she wants him.

His foot kicks at the door and he stumbles, made off-balanced by her; Kate laughs into his kiss and meets his eyes with a smirk.

"Where we doing this?" she mutters, drawing a hand down his chest and expertly flicking the buttons open, one by one.

"Don't care. Fast. Has to be fast-" He's locking the door with a flip of his wrist and then crowding her back towards the hall.

"Mm, fast. My specialty," she grins, and dips her head to press her mouth to his exposed collarbone, feeling his flesh ripple under her.

"Yeah, you're good - good at that," he grunts. She likes those noises, likes what she can do to him, likes how he stops thinking and just starts doing.

His hands are already at her pants and she helps him along, tugging him back towards their bedroom by the sides of his open shirt, keeping him close. It's a stumbling, tripping mess and he's pitching forward into her more than he's actually walking, but he feels good, and hot, and she likes that too.

Flustered Rick Castle, adoring Rick Castle. Hot for her Rick Castle.

She grins and yanks on him, toppling them both back to the bed, her head bouncing, her mouth glancing off of his chin. She feels him laughing over her, the echoes of it in her bones, and she draws a knee up and holds him tightly for a moment, squeezing, until she can get her mouth on the skin at his neck, up to his lips.

He groans into her kiss and lifts up, eyes cloud-grey and intense, his mouth wet from hers. She feels his fingertips at the sides of her face, moving into her hair, and she chases him for another kiss, rising up to meet him.

"Come on," she murmurs around it, her lashes brushing his cheek as she pauses, her hand curling at the back of his neck lightly. "Get going, Rick. You were the one who said fast."

He sighs, a good sigh, filled with longing and pleasure and expectation, and it fills her up with the same. The anticipation is just delicious.

"Yeah, but I love this too. How beautiful you look under me."

She blinks in a sudden wash of tenderness, kisses the words from his mouth. "Okay, okay," she hums into him, stroking a hand down his back, cradling the side of his face to hers. "Whatever you want, Castle. Whatever you need."

* * *

He sits in the bed and watches her get dressed, effortless and graceful in every movement. She comes in and catches his chin, kisses him, moves away to slide on her shirt, then comes back again for another kiss, her hand trailing at his shoulder.

He grins and she shimmies into a pair of jeans, scraping a hand through her hair as she looks at him.

"Would you get dressed already? You're entirely too distracting. All smug and sexy."

He laughs at that, knows that she's half playing him, telling him what he needs to hear, but it works anyway. He gets a pair of boxers to the face for laughing, catches them as they hit, and then watches her search for shoes, her hair in a sexy mess, her eyeliner smudged in the corner from his thumb.

He puts on clothes slowly. She was the one who said picking up the kids an hour later wouldn't hurt them - the preschool is open until seven as a daycare as well - and they took their time. He's all filled up with it, how they took their time, and he loves watching her, loves the brightness to her eyes and the way she keeps looking at him, loves the way she rubs her thumb over her new wedding ring.

He just loves her.

End of story.

Castle gets out of bed and finds a tshirt clean on one of the shelves, glances down at the closet floor to find most of his laundry there, dirty. He forgot to do it last week and Linda is on vacation with her grandkids.

Oh, darn. That means they might need to make a run to the grocery store too. Fruit, peanut butter, those wheat chips Ellery likes, the goldfish Dash eats-

"What're you thinking about?" she murmurs with a laugh, nudging him aside to get at her boots.

He tugs the tshirt over his head and then pulls a thin sweater after it. "Grocery list," he grimaces, glancing at her face to make sure she's not. . .insulted or something.

She laughs harder, sagging into him suddenly, and he catches her around the waist.

"What?"

"No, that's just - exactly what I was thinking. We need cereal and coffee, among other things."

He chuckles, shaking his head, then drops a kiss to her mouth that she lingers over, makes sweeter, stroking his jaw in that way that makes his toes curl.

"Love you," she murmurs as she pulls away, eyes shiny and happy and relaxed. "Let's go get the kids."

* * *

Dashiell doesn't want to leave, but Ellery is clinging to Castle the moment they step through the doors. Kate signs them both out, then stands in the doorway of Dash's classroom with her meanest mommy look to get him moving.

He trudges through the routine, packing his backpack up, shoving his work into a red folder, giving it to her with a sigh. He goes back to the classroom for one last item - a spiderman toy - then returns again to his bag, unzips it, shoves the spiderman inside.

"Dash," she warns.

He scowls at her, and she raises an eyebrow. His face drops back to his bag, and she hears him muttering, but she's picking her battles. Let him mutter. It's Kate's fault he got an hour more with his friends and had so much fun that now he doesn't want to leave - and she is totally okay with that. She had _fun _too_._

She smirks to herself and Dash catches her look, frowns at her because he must think she's enjoying this - taking him from his friends - and fine, whatever, let him think that. She cups the back of his head, pressing it to her thigh, and he gives her a limp hug as he moves out the door, backpack on his shoulders.

"Bye, Ms Nicole," she says to the teacher, nudging Dash with her knee to prompt his good-bye. He ignores her. "Sorry," she mouths and Nicole only waves her off with a grin, calling good-bye to Dash.

Halfway down the hall, Dashiell pauses, turns back, his face anxious. His eyes meet hers and she knows.

"Go," she sighs. "Go ahead."

Dash slides the backpack off his shoulders, dropping it to the floor at her feet, and runs back down to the daycare classroom. She can hear him telling the teacher good-bye, probably hugging her tightly too, and then Dash runs back out, relief and shame on his face for his attitude.

She waits in the hall for him and when he makes it to her, Dashiell throws his arms around her legs, making her stumble.

Kate leans over, crouching to hug him back, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "You're fine. You're okay." She pries him off of her and holds him away to look at him. "You're just fine, Dashiell. It happens."

He opens his mouth but closes it again, reaches down for his backpack, getting control of himself as best he can. She helps him slide it over his thin shoulders, keeps her hand at his neck, fingers stroking his hair as she leads him to the lobby.

"Momma."

"Yeah, baby?"

"I didn't want to stop playing."

"I know," she says softly, squeezing his neck. She feels him nod, and that's all it takes. He bounds out from under her hand, running towards the door to the lobby, makes a tight turn and disappears from view.

* * *

Castle feels the kid barrel into his legs, laughs as he looks down at Dashiell. "Hey, wild man. Good day at school?"

"The best," he crows, lifting a grinning face to his father.

Ellery is quiet and clingy in his arms, her face against his neck, but he leans over and gives Dash a one-armed hug as Kate comes around the corner, heading towards them. She's got Dashiell's red homework folder in one hand and the keys in the other.

"Ready to go, guys?" he asks, turning towards the doors.

Dash races ahead of him and reaches back for the keycard that will trigger the lock. Castle hands it over, lets the boy do it, then plucks it out of his grasp before he can run outside with it. Dashiell shoves open the door, but then holds it open for Castle and Ella to go through.

He also holds it open for his mother, his eyes anxious on hers, and Castle realizes she must've had to talk to him back there. Dash got in trouble. And Dash can never hide it.

Castle smirks and pats Ellery on the back, squeezing her a little tighter. He sees Kate stroke her fingers over Dashiell's cheek and the boy eases a little, lets the door clang shut as he darts around them.

"Hold a hand," Kate calls out.

Dash jerks to a halt, a hand sticking out suddenly, waiting on them. Kate takes it, and Castle leads them all to the car, pressing a kiss to Ellery's soft cheek.

"What's wrong with you, cricket?"

She says nothing, which is all to be expected, but her little arms tighten around his neck. She probably got in trouble at school - teacher told her to stop playing and pick up or something like that - and now she's sulking about it. It's happened before. She's a stubborn, prideful little thing.

He sneaks a look to his wife as she opens Dashiell's door behind the driver's seat; Kate is giving Dash the eyebrow, and the kid is hurrying to obey, jumping into the car. Castle turns to the other side, opens the door for Ella and lowers her into her seat.

"Okay, kiddo. Let's strap you in."

Ellery is passive as he does it, and he kisses her forehead as he tugs on the strap, makes sure it's tight. She curls her fingers at his neck suddenly, leaning in to his kiss, and he reaches down and tickles her, gets a quick puff of laughter for it.

She looks ticked that he got her to laugh, too, and that makes him laugh back, grinning into her petulant little face. "Got you."

She scowls at him, crossing her arms.

"Too late. I heard it. You giggled like a tiny little girl."

"She _is_ a tiny little girl," Dashiell laughs, leaning in from his seat. Kate's already behind the wheel, half-turned to watch them.

"You giggled like a ballerina, like a tippy-toes ballerina-"

"I not a ballerina," Ellery grits out, so thoroughly ticked with him.

"Oh no? You sure do giggle like one when I do this-" He sneaks both hands in under her arms, down her sides, squeezes both knees until she's gasping with laughter, her body arching to get away from him, sucking down air, her eyes squeezed shut.

Castle lets her go, shuts the door, and gets into the passenger seat. Kate's giving him that slow, sexy _I want your body_ smirk, and he leans in and kisses her hard.

From the backseat, both kids are chorusing their disdain for their parents' PDA, but Castle only lets it go on longer, stroking his thumb at Kate's cheek and slipping his tongue past her lips.

She laughs into his mouth, breaking his hold, and shakes her head at him. "You're incorrigible."

"It's why you love me."

"Could be true."


	39. Chapter 39

When Rafe Torres gets back to their apartment after a quick trip to her grandmother's place, the look on Allie's face makes him freeze in the hall.

"Hey," he says, dropping his keys on the kitchen counter. He has to be at the restaurant in about four hours, but this isn't about his crazy work schedule, is it? "Allie."

She blinks at him, then stumbles into his arms, making him huff as he embraces her, a little off-balanced. He extricates his fingers from the bags and dumps them on the floor so he can put her away, look at her face for answers.

"Rafe."

"What's going on?"

"My Dad. . .he just dropped by. They-"

"Are the kids okay?"

She nods against him. "It's about my Mom's - it's her mother's murder. The case has come back up."

"Okay," he says slowly, not sure why she looks like someone has died. Allie has never been one for theatrics, so this is starting to scare him.

"You remember meeting Uncle Mo? He was Captain-"

"Yeah, yeah," he says quickly. "We were just at his retirement party. Is he okay?"

She gives a little strangled noise and shrugs, her eyes falling away from his. "He's - he's been lying to us, keeping this secret. He's known, all along, who killed Kate's mom."

"What?" That's not possible. That doesn't happen in the real world. "What do you mean? How could he possibly know? What's he got to do with-"

"He was - mixed up in some corrupt cop scheme, kidnapping mafia members and holding them for ransom. He - you can't tell anyone, Rafe, because it's not like-"

"No, no, of course not," he murmurs, pushing her back towards the couch, making her sit. "Why don't you just. . .start at the beginning. Maybe you should tell me a little bit more about what happened to Kate's mom."

Allie pushes the heels of her hands into her eyes and hunches over, like she's trying to hold it all back. He sighs at the sight and wraps his arms around her.

"Never mind. Don't have to talk, Allie. Just - when you're ready," he murmurs, brushing his lips along her ear. He presses his cheek to the top of her head, her body hard and tense against his as she struggles.

She holds so much back sometimes. He doesn't know what makes up that recipe in her - part upbringing, part training, a dash of personality? She has to be so clinical for her work as a crisis counselor; she's excellent at maintaining distance and being unbiased, seeing to the root of a problem with her clear judgment. But when it comes to her own life, to their relationship, she maintains that professional exterior a little too well.

He just wishes she could let go, let herself be an emotional wreck, let herself get angry and break all their plates or weep and moan. Whatever she needs to do to get it out of her system, to make it stop breaking her heart.

But she doesn't. She never has, never will. It's one of the things he loves about her - how different she is from his own family, his mother - and yet, sometimes he's afraid it's not healthy.

Holding it in.

But there's no recipe for being in a relationship with Allie. No way to make sure he always gets it right.

He'll just - he just has to do what he can, add in whatever ingredients he thinks will taste best, and pray their love rises.

* * *

"You sure they won't mind?" he asks, pushing on her hip to crowd her over the doorway and into her parents' empty loft. He still thinks this is a bad idea. "We should really have called first."

"I think they'll be glad to have family, and another pair of hands," Allie says, turning around to kiss him, her lips soft. "It's a good idea, babe. No matter what you say."

He shakes his head at her. "I can still call Maddison and get the time off tonight-"

"No," she says. "You don't have to be at work until eleven, right? That's plenty of time."

Rafe nods, feeling ill at ease in the abandoned loft. He's never been here when everyone else hasn't. It seems wrong, the quiet and the dark, the lack of-

Ha. Okay, never mind. Here comes the dog, thumping down the stairs. Rex headbutts them, much like Dash likes to do in greeting, and they both bend over to pet the big black beast, his tongue licking thoroughly over Rafe's fingers.

"We should let him out, take him on a walk," Allie says, rubbing her hand down the dog's head, into his collar. "How about it, T-Rex? Wanna go outside?"

Rex does that half-jump thing where just his front paws barely leave the ground and Rafe takes that for a yes. "Hey, where's his leash?"

"Hanging up on a hook in the laundry room," Allie answers, pointing down the hall past the kitchen.

Rafe drops her overnight bag at the bottom of the stairs, heads that way even as she's going for the kitchen.

"I'm gonna leave Mom and Dad a note just in case they get back while we're out with Rex."

"Good idea," he calls back, grabbing the leash and a plastic bag from the collection of them on the shelf. He takes a deep breath of the scent of laundry, how good it smells in here, like home, and then turns back to meet Allie in the foyer again.

She's taping the note onto the little bowl on top of the entry table where he's seen her parents dump all their stuff. It's where she's left her own keys too, and she scoops them out as he clips the leash onto the dog.

"You ready, Rex?"

A low-throated whuff greets them, and the dog has already got his nose to the crack in the door, snuffling as Rafe opens it.

"Let's go," he says, ushering Allie out ahead of him.

* * *

Rafe is making dinner and talking to the dog who lies in the kitchen floor, hoping for scraps, when the front door opens suddenly. Kate stumbles to a stop in the threshold, her hand at her hip, the kids suddenly deathly quiet behind Rick.

Rafe pauses, knife poised to cut the green pepper, his eyes on Kate's hand which is most definitely at her gun.

"Hey, babe, I think-" Allie halts on a puff of laughter as she comes down the stairs, seeing everyone frozen. "Hey guys. Surprise. I'm gonna sleep over with tonight while Rafe's at work."

Rafe can see Kate's hand uncramp and fall away; it has suddenly become quite clear that whatever this case is about - it's threatening her sense of security.

"Hey Allie," Kate says finally, stepping into the entry and ushering the kids in, a hand to the back of Ellery's head as if she has to nudge her forward.

Rafe puts the knife down, wipes his hands off on a towel, and meets them in the living room. Dashiell spots him and runs, bounding into a hug that Rafe accepts, scooping the kid up to dispel that strange moment of tension.

"Hey guys," he can hear Rick saying, kissing his daughter and dumping the kids' stuff on the entry table.

Ellery makes her way slowly over to Rafe, looking like she's waiting for her turn, so he gets down on his knees and encircles both of Allie's little siblings in his arms.

"What are you doing, Rafe?" Rick asks, apparently having spotted the ingredients strewn around his kitchen.

Rafe lets Dash go so the boy can greet his dog and stands up with Ellery in his arms. She likes to run her fingers over his jaw, the five o'clock shadow that he never seems to be able to tame, and she leans her cheek close to his, still rubbing.

Rick rolls his eyes at Ellery. "You don't have to make us dinner-"

"I wanted to," Rafe says, shrugging back. "Stuffed bell peppers. Easy-"

"Hardly," Kate says, joining them in the kitchen with Allie at her side. "But it smells wonderful."

"Just started. Should be ready in thirty."

"We thought you guys might like some company," Allie says. "And well, I'd like to have some too, when Rafe leaves for work."

"I can call in-" he starts again, but she shakes her head at him, an eyebrow raised just like Kate's is right now, and Rafe stops offering it.

"So, you need some help in here?" Kate asks, and Rafe is about to say no, because actually he hates people messing in the kitchen with him, but the look on her face is still too shaken, too raw, and he realizes she needs something to do to regain her balance. Seeing a stranger suddenly in the kitchen has really shaken her up.

"Yeah, you can help," he says.

Allie laughs. "Better watch out, Dad. He's got a crush on Mom. Rafe never lets _anyone_ help him in the kitchen."

Rafe blushes and shoots his girlfriend a glare; she only laughs harder. He glances to Kate and she's smiling at him, that tense and careful look on her face replaced with ease again.

Well, at least it made her smile.

She really is something else when she smiles. Must be where Allie gets it from.

* * *

Rafe made the beef and rice mixture before the Castles got home, but Kate helps him scoop out the seeds from the green peppers and cut the tops off. She's good with the knife, draws her fingers back so that the edge of the blade rests only at her knuckles, just like she should.

He adds cheese and seasonings to the rice and beef while Allie's mom boils the peppers. Rick has taken Dash to the living room but they keep circling the island, stalking dinner, before they go back to some kind of card game in the floor. Allie went upstairs to look at the girl's dragon and then give Ella a bath.

"So, Allie told me about what's happened-"

"Good," Kate says quietly, glancing up at him. She has that same look on her face that prompted him to speak back when they were surfing in Texas. She'd been alone on the board, sorrow leaking from her eyes. She looks like that now, but he can tell she's struggling against it. She seems to have an easier time of it when the kids come around or when Rick is close by, but now that it's Rafe-

Well, Rafe doesn't do it for her. He hopes maybe some day she takes pride in him the way she does in Allie, that she adopts him like she has his fiance. Because she's the kind of person he just wishes he could help.

Rafe takes a deep breath, decides to just go ahead and put it out there. "You guys need anything. Take the kids, make dinner, just be here. Anything. You let me know. Even if Allie can't, I can. My days are free."

She nods, says nothing more to that. He's not sure if he should be offering, maybe that's not his place, but he likes them, Allie's parents, and in a strange way her mom is sometimes more of an older sister, and he does, yeah, have a little bit of a crush on her because she's fascinating and mysterious and she _loves_ so intentionally, so purposefully, and no one in his family ever made a point to be his family.

But he's told her all that before.

Kate smiles at him. "What do we do after this?"

He startles and glances down at the boiling peppers. "Ah, take it off the heat. Get out a baking pan and lay them out to be stuffed. Easy."

"Says the chef," she murmurs, but she's smiling again, that faint one. It's crazy how good that makes him feel. He totally gets what Allie means when she says she craves Kate's attention. A word of acceptance from her is worth it, hard-won maybe, but it means it's that much more special.

Dashiell wanders through the kitchen again, looking expectant, so Rafe hoists him up onto the counter, well away from the burners and nods to the concoction behind him. "You think you can eat that, Dash?"

"I can try. Momma, can I eat that?"

"We'll get hot sauce for you if you can't."

Rafe shakes his head at his little half-brother, soon to be, and musses the kid's hair. "Your mom's a good cook. I bet you don't even need the hot sauce."

Dash shrugs. "Dad usually cooks."

"Hey now," Kate laughs, using a fork to pull the peppers out of the water. "I cook for you guys. I just cooked-"

Silence. Rafe glances over his shoulder at her, surprised that she stopped; her face is blanched, her bottom lip between her teeth. She's watching Dashiell intently and putting the pot to one side.

Rafe turns back around to look at the kid, astonished to find the boy's eyes filling with tears.

"Dash, baby-"

"Hey, man. What's wrong?" Rafe says, a mild panic thumping his heart. He envelops Dash in a hug, squeezing tightly like Allie said he likes.

"Mommy got hurt," he moans.

"What? Your mom's fine. She's-"

Rick has come to stand at the island, his lips pressed together, unhappy. What did Rafe do? What did he say? This-

Kate is reaching over him to take Dash from him, and he gives her a bewildered look. She shakes her head, cradling her son against her as the boy cries.

"I burned my hand on a dish. Hush, baby, you're fine," she murmurs, half-explaining, half-consoling Dashiell. "You're fine. It's fine. Look, Rafe made us dinner this time, and he doesn't want big alligator tears in his beautiful food. Huh? Shake it off, kiddo."

Rafe glances back to Rick, opening his mouth to apologize - he had no intention of starting whatever this is - but Allie's father holds his hand up, shakes his head.

"Dash'll be fine."

Thankfully, Allie comes down the stairs with a clean, wet-haired Ellery in her arms, a welcome distraction while Kate carries Dashiell back to her bedroom to calm him down.

Rafe returns to the bell peppers, stuffing them with the beef, rice, and cheese mixture, trying to figure out what just happened.

Yeah, actually. He should stick with recipes in the kitchen.

* * *

Rick comes back around with the bottle of wine, inclines it towards Rafe. He shakes his head - he doesn't drink this close to going in to work - but Kate holds her glass to Rick and he refills it. Allie is nestled at Rafe's side, but she gets up when Dash calls for her from upstairs. They're supposed to be doing quiet time - not really going to bed, but not playing either.

Rafe leans forward with his elbows on his knees to watch Allie leave, and then he stands up from the couch, follows her father back into the kitchen.

"Hey, I'm sorry for that with Dash-"

Rick turns around, shaking his head. "No. Really. Couple days ago, Dash caused an accident in the kitchen, Kate grabbed a baking dish that was hot to keep it from falling on his head. Burned her hand pretty bad. It scared the kids."

"Oh," he sighs, wincing. "Yeah. I can relate."

"I bet. And seriously, don't worry about it, Rafe. I made the kid cry about it too. He's a little too sensitive-"

"He's just got a tender heart," Kate interrupts, thumping Rick in the ear, putting her plate down in the sink. "Just like his father. So hush your mouth."

Rafe glances at her hand, can tell now which one she burned. She still protects it, keeps it curled, but it's not bandaged. "You'll probably want to keep rubbing it down with a thick lotion or vaseline, so the skin doesn't stiffen as it heals."

Kate gives him a surprised look. "Oh. I - I haven't been doing that."

Rafe shakes his head. "Something greasy - keep the moisture in. You should."

Rick claps him on the shoulder. "You'd probably know something about burns, wouldn't you? Thanks. Kate, there's that stuff we used on Ellery's diaper rash under the bathroom sink-"

"Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks, Rafe." She gives him a wider smile, draws her arm briefly through Rick's before letting go and heading back to the living room.

Both he and Rafe follow after her, drawn, compelled, and he sees now why Richard Castle shadowed this woman for so long, despite his daughter not being too happy with the danger he found himself in. Rafe has to force down the dread that rises up in him suddenly. But he feels like he should ask. It's only fair.

He sinks back down onto the couch, wishes Allie were back at his side. "Are we in any kind of danger here?" he says finally.

"Does Alexis think-"

"No. No sir," he says quickly. "That was my own guess."

Kate doesn't look happy; her hand is steady as she puts down her wine glass, but Rafe can see it's an effort to maintain it.

"Well," she says finally. "I don't think so. If I thought you were, thought you even might be, we'd tell you. We'd hire security-"

"I don't think Allie's got any idea of how deep this could go," Rafe interrupts. Now that he's gotten the safety issue cleared, he wants to move on. "One cop, three cops, whoever is behind all this. It's got to be pretty high up, embedded for a long time. I'd like us both to be kept in the loop on this. I recognize that this is - or was - a family friend. But I-"

"Rafe."

He meets Rick's eyes, that steady and unwavering gaze. He sees assurances there too. And honesty, which he never doubted, but he wondered just a little bit if the man really told his daughter everything.

"Rafe. You will know what we know."

He hears Allie coming back downstairs; she's laughing a little, flushed with whatever scheme Dashiell got her roped into, and she plops back down next to him with a grin.

She looks at him and it falls right off her face. "Oh, did I miss it? We started."

Rafe nods. "Little bit."

"Just filling him in, pumpkin."

"Allie," Kate says gently. "You're not in any danger."

"I know," Allie says, turning to frown at Rafe. He shrugs at her and she sighs, reaching up to scratch her finger at his jaw. "I _know_ you big idiot."

He won't apologize for asking.

"Allie, your dad and I aren't in danger either."

"Yes, you are," she says back immediately, turning to give her mom a steady look. "I can tell by the way Dad looks at you. He thinks you are."

"You do?" Kate asks, twisting to look at Rick. "Castle."

He groans and slumps back into the couch.

"We're not in danger," she says heatedly. "If I thought we were in danger, I wouldn't be investigating this case."

"There's a sniper hunting Montgomery. We're hunting the sniper. I don't think it's the safest of places to be, Kate, but it's not like I think it's a better idea to let this guy go."

Rafe shoots Allie a look but she shakes her head at him. He waits, glancing cautiously to Kate, expecting a storm, but her face is composed. She looks like she's actually thinking about that.

"Okay. So hunting the sniper - yes - not exactly the best position to put ourselves in. But, no, Rafe. Allie. You two aren't in any danger."

"But you are?" Allie says quietly.

"I don't think so. Not from him. He doesn't know that Montgomery has told us anything. He's only looking to clean up loose ends."

Rafe doesn't think that sounds so great, but Kate is the cop. And he trusts her. He saw her face when Dashiell started crying about the kitchen accident, and he's seen her with Allie. There's no way she would put her kids in harm's way.

"Babe, you gotta go," Allie says, nudging his hip.

He glances to the clock. He's got an hour, but it's late for the kids and they probably won't really settle down until Allie comes upstairs to sleep too. So yeah, he should go.

Rafe gets up, shakes Rick's hand, accepts the hug that Kate gently pulls him into. Allie follows him to the front door and heads out into the hallway with him, tucking his keys into his pocket for him with two fingers.

He presses the call button and turns to her, wraps his fingers around her wrist with a sudden need he can't express.

She gives him a smile and slides her hand up his chest, around the back of his neck to tug him down to her. He hunches over and kisses her, stroking her back, the round jut of her shoulder, up to the soft skin at her neck, her mouth like red velvet.

"Love you," she says softly, nibbling at the corner of his lips. "Go to work."

"Love you too, Allie."

And the elevator doors open, calling him away.


	40. Chapter 40

Kate heads upstairs before Allie even comes back inside the loft. She spots Dashiell out of bed and standing in the hallway, crosses her arms over her chest.

He flushes and comes to a stop, looking guilty.

"I thought I heard you. What are you doing out of bed, Dash?"

"I. . .I had to pee."

"Are you lying to me?"

He gives her a hunted look and drops his eyes to the floor.

"Back in bed."

Dash darts away, running for his room, back into the darkness. Kate ignores his blatant disobedience for the moment and moves instead towards the baby's room. The door is cracked open, the terrarium's plants almost glowing in the moonlight. She can't make out the bearded dragon, and she hopes Ella hasn't sneaked it into bed with her.

Ellery is still awake in her bed, but she sits up when Kate slips inside.

"Mommy."

"Hey, why are you guys still up?"

"Not up."

"Technically, no. But why are you awake, baby girl?" Kate crouches over the bed and softly presses on Ella's shoulders, nudging her back down. The girl goes, flopping onto the mattress, then uses both hands to push her hair out of her face with a little dramatic sigh, quite unlike her.

"I not tired."

"Too excited about Allie sleeping with you?" The young woman asked to sleep with Ellery in her bed, since the extra bedroom is more video game room than guest bedroom right now. Ella looks worn out, but determined to stay up.

"She sleep with me."

"Yeah, cricket."

"Mom?" comes a hesitant voice from the hallway.

Kate turns and sees Allie standing there, a hand up to push open the door. "Hey. Baby girl is excited."

"Yeah, sorry. I kinda promised Dash we could all sleep in Ella's room in the floor. You guys still have that pop-up dinosaur tent?"

"Um, I think so. In Dash's closet. You getting ready for bed now?"

Allie holds up her duffle bag. "Yeah. I figure the kids won't sleep until I do."

"Think you're right," Kate sighs, standing up from Ellery's bed and moving towards the door. "I'll go get the tent and Dash."

"I'll get on my pajamas and find all our blankets and pillows for the tent."

Kate stops in the threshold and takes a moment to kiss Allie on the forehead, hugging her hard around the shoulders. "Thank you for coming over tonight."

"Of course," Allie murmurs. "Any time. We love you guys."

* * *

Kate hands off the tent and goes back to Dash's room where he waits for her. When she sits on his bed, he crawls over his dog and into her lap, arms around her neck.

She sighs, wrapping her arms around him. "You're still in trouble."

"I'm not supposed to get out of bed."

"You're not supposed to get out of bed, that's true. But I guess you were thinking you'd go in Ella's room and wait for your sister?"

"Yeah."

"You're not in trouble for getting out of bed. But you are in trouble for lying to me."

He's silent at that, but he presses his face into her neck. Kate doesn't really want to punish him, that's the problem, because punishment would probably have to involve not sleeping in the tent with his sisters, and that's not fair. He'd cry and break her heart with it.

But lying is a big deal.

"Dash." She sighs again, doesn't know what to do.

"I got scared, Momma."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. I - I don't know."

It's just not like him. He's the one who's loud and aggressive and makes no qualms about telling them what he needs, stands up for himself. Ella is the one who often freezes and clams up, goes silent when she gets in trouble just to be stubborn about it.

Dash isn't this boy. And that worries her.

"How's your weather?" she murmurs, running her hand over the back of his head. The thing about the kitchen accident earlier tonight might have scrambled him a little. He's on the edge, emotionally - that's obvious - and he's been known to act poorly when he can't get control of himself.

"Clouds but. . ." Dash trails off and whines into her neck, his arms tightening. "I try not to be clouds, Momma. I shouldn't be clouds because Allie is here but it's clouds anyway."

"Okay," she murmurs, her heart giving a thump of panic that she brutally represses. "Okay, it's okay. Sometimes there are days like that."

"I don't want days like that."

"I know, baby. I'm sorry. I know." She bites her lip to keep from growling her frustration - not with him, never with him, just the whole damn situation, all of it. The guy jerking them around who Montgomery claims is a friend, the sniper out there who wants to cut all the loose ends, and her innocent, beautiful son who feels too much. Just. Feels too damn much. And it's not fair because if it were any other week, she'd take tomorrow off and spend the whole day with her son, lavishing him with attention, but she can't.

"Are you clouds, Momma?"

Shit. "Yes. A little bit cloudy."

"Yeah," he sighs, his mouth open at her collarbone now, his lashes moving against her skin. "Cloudy kinda day."

Oh, she loves him so much it hurts. It hurts. "What can we do?" she murmurs against his temple, brushing her lips over his cheek.

"I can be better tomorrow."

"Sleep helps. You're right. But you know who always makes me smile?"

"Dad?"

"Yeah. Dad. You want to come downstairs with me really quickly and see Dad?"

Dash lifts his head in the darkness; she can just barely see his wide eyes on her. "Can I?"

"Yeah. Just for a little bit."

Dash scrambles off her lap and runs for the door.

* * *

Castle lifts his head from the dirty dishes in the sink when he hears the mad thump of feet on the stairs. Has to be a kid. They're not supposed to be up and running around.

He dries his hands off in a rush, moving to look, and it's Dashiell practically flying down. But Kate's behind him.

"Hey, my man. What're you doing out of bed?" He gives Kate a look and she waves him off, so he stands down, lets Dashiell come to him.

The boy crashes into his legs with a fierce hug, his lanky little body warm against Castle's knees. He bends over and scoops Dash up, hugging him back.

"You okay? Kate. Is he okay?"

Kate makes it to his side, puts her hand on Dashiell's back. "He's okay. Just needed to be cheered up a little." She leans in and kisses his cheek, her mouth at his ear. "Wanted to get him out of the room for a bit, shake it off."

He nods, squeezes Dashiell tightly, arms clamped around the kid's back. He feels the boy groan and loosen up against his chest, tension beginning to drain away.

"What's eating you, Grape?"

Dash gives a little giggle and lifts his head, glancing to his mother. "Daddy does make me smile too, Momma."

He hasn't heard Daddy out of the kid since practically his five year old birthday; he hugs Dash tighter and gives him a loud kiss on the cheek.

"Ewwww, no kissy," Dash moans, wriggling in Castle's arms. But there's a smile in his voice now, some laughter. Kate is giving him those doe-eyes, the ones that make him want to melt into her body and never leave, but he doesn't really know _why_ she's looking at him like that.

"I'll kiss my kid whenever I want to," he growls at Dash, reaching down to squeeze his knee. Dash yelps and laughs, tickled, and writhes harder in his father's grip.

Kate steps back while Castle goes after his son, both knees, his sides, the sensitive spot he has on his neck, tickle-monstering him until the boy is giggling in hysteria as he bends over backwards to get away.

Castle gives him a raspberry on his chest, lifting his pajama shirt to get at him, and Dash squeals and lifts back up, curling around his father's head. Castle lets him go, grinning, and Dashiell's beautiful, delighted, breathless grin is beaming back at him.

"Did I wear you out enough for bed?"

Dash is still wheezing, eyes roaming his father's face, blinking hard as he tries to collect himself.

Castle grins harder and glances to Kate.

She's crying.

"Kate-"

She shakes her head, but she's smiling through her tears, and she turns her back when Dashiell twists around so the boy won't see her. "Take him upstairs. Castle. Go."

He goes.

* * *

"So the kids are camping out?" he laughs, dropping Dash on the floor in Ellery's room. Alexis gets out from under the tent, laughing back, and envelops him in a hug.

"Yup, sure are. Good night, Dad."

"Night, pumpkin." He strokes a hand down her hair and then drops to his haunches to see inside the tent. "Night Ella-bean."

"Good night, Daddy." She smiles at him, drowsy and barely keeping her eyes open as her brother crawls in beside her.

"Got everything you need?" he asks, watching Alexis move back inside the tent as well.

"We're good. Go be with mom."

Ug. Way too much knowledge in Alexis's eyes. She is an adult, after all, but she's still his kid.

Castle leans in and kisses her forehead. "Thanks for this."

"Don't worry. I got them."

He nods back and stands up, heads out of Ella's room, back into the hall. Kate's at the top of the stairs, waiting on him, her eyes dry now.

"What was that?" he murmurs, coming for her.

She holds him off, taking his hand instead and leading him down the stairs. Good idea. Trying to hold on to her while on the staircase has only led to trouble.

"I think Dash was a little weepy still. He feels me too much, Rick, and sometimes it's like there's nothing I can do about it. And tonight I just - I thought the best thing would be to just distract him."

"Yeah, good idea."

"But it was you," she says, shrugging at him as they step down to the first floor, move into the living room. "You did it. You did more than distract him. You made it good for him again, and I - that's just - it's what you do for me too, and it's-"

Castle draws his arm around her shoulders and tugs her back into him, kissing her cheek. "Love you too, babe."

She nods into him, breathing heavy, but he can tell she's not crying. Just resting here a moment. With him.

"Thank you for being so good for our kids, for knowing what to do when I don't," she murmurs.

"Team effort, Kate."

She nods again, moves to wrap both arms around him. He ducks his head to her neck, breathing her in as well. He didn't know he needed it, but he did. He needed this, her arms around him and her _need_ for him made manifest, evident. He needs to be needed by her, and sometimes he hates that - it's their oldest point of contention, and one of the things they went to counseling about - but tonight it feels only right.

They feel right. Doing this together.

Give and take.


	41. Chapter 41

Afterwards, she pulls him over her and makes him stay. The darkness is complete - he pulled the curtains over the windows before they went to bed - and she can keep her eyes open and put her nose to his neck and just breathe.

He doesn't stay for long though. He kinda hates it; she knows that. He says he feels like he's crushing her, overwhelming her, and that it feels wrong. That _she_ feels wrong when he does, because it's not her.

But sometimes it is.

"Remember our first counseling session?" he says suddenly, shifting off of her but not going far.

She laughs at that, her body liquid and hot, her skin sweaty where they touch. "Course I do."

"We came in and the guy asked why we were there."

"Because I was pregnant," she laughs. "It was a little incongruous."

"Incongruous. Hot. Sexy when you use the four dollar words."

She laughs again and hooks her arm around his neck, tugging a little. He darts in and kisses her, a little sloppy because they're both tired, and then she lets him go.

He pushes on her hip to make her roll and she does, pulling on his arm to draw it across her body. Something like spooning, though she'd hate to admit it.

"You were pregnant, but I don't think that was why he asked us."

"Oh no?"

"No."

He doesn't say anything more and she laughs again. "You gonna tell me your theory here, Castle, or what?"

His mouth presses at the back of her neck, open, hot, his breath stirring the hair there. "I think he was just asking why _we _thought we should be there. But I looked over at you - I mean, you were the one who wanted us to go - and I could tell you thought he was surprised we were there."

"Yeah. I did. You think he just wanted to hear our side of things. That could be true."

"Well, anyway. You put both hands on your stomach and interrogated him, like why shouldn't we be there, and wasn't it really smart of us to get this all out in the open _before_ the baby added another little person to the mix. You were defensive, so you went offensive."

She sighs and draws her fingers up and down his forearm. "When am I not defensive? That therapist - I feel bad for him now."

"I feel bad for me-"

She pinches him and he crowds at her back, his chin digging into the top of her shoulder for a second.

"So what is this about, Castle?"

"I think that was the first time I figured out - or no, the therapist told me point blank - that we don't love the same way."

She laughs and flips over in his arms, pushes into him for a light kiss, patting his chest with her hand. "Poor baby. You kinda flipped out."

"He worded it poorly."

"He did," she agrees, tries to sound as patronizing as possible just to get to him.

"He said we don't love each other the same," he huffs out.

"He was kinda right."

"Not like that though," he grunts. She soothes him with another kiss, but he doesn't seem to be dwelling on it too much. "What did he call it again?"

"Love language," Kate says. Her fingers play against the skin of his side.

"Stop fondling my love handles."

She laughs and lifts her eyes to him. "You don't have - okay, well a little bit. But I like the way you feel."

"That's pretty damn sexy," he murmurs, leaning in to kiss her. His finger brushes over her cheek. "Kate. Oh, Kate. Have I done a good job speaking your love language?"

Her heart vibrates with it, and the touch on her face makes her love him more. Can she? Is it possible for her whole body to come apart at the seams because of her love for him? "You do just fine, Castle. Better than fine. You love me in all the right ways."

He sighs and leans in over her for a moment, his body heavy against hers, chest to chest, and she presses her lips to the underside of his jaw in reward, in gratitude.

"Do I love you?" she murmurs, squeezing around his back, mouth at his skin.

"So well, Kate." His hands stroke through her hair, over and over, his fingers thick and warm and heavy, making her body drowsy with it. Finally. "When you made me go to counseling, I thought it was crazy. We'd done so much already - we'd come so far. I didn't understand why you thought it was necessary. And then all this stuff came out - or really, it'd been there and I knew it and didn't want to look at it-"

"What's this about?" she murmurs.

"You knew. I don't know how you knew. But you knew what was good for us. You saw what we needed and went after it. It's like your super power."

She hums and smiles in the darkness. "Super power? Maybe just pregnancy hormones. I didn't want everything falling apart."

"I liked those pregnancy hormones," he laughs. "Made you hot for me."

"Yeah," she says, grinning at his shoulder. He starts to move off and she holds him tighter to her. "Stay."

"For a little bit. I hate it when you fall asleep though, cause I move off of you so you can breathe and then you wake up and it makes me feel bad for wak-"

"Hush, baby."

He huffs at her and then kisses her hard and moves away. She sighs at the lack of his weight, but she gets it.

"Kate."

"Yeah," she says, wishing she was sleepy.

"You go after it. It's one of the things I love about you. You see the need and you do it, no matter what other people say or think-"

"It's not really a great characteristic," she mutters.

"In you - it is. And I know that you've got reservations about this case. So Kate, I'm going to follow your lead."

She sucks in a breath and closes her eyes.

"Whatever you want to do here - you want to quit this, or you want to keep going. Whatever it is, I know you love me. I know you love our kids. And I trust your instincts on this."

She feels her breath catch and can't quite get it back. Kate moves into him then, needing him to know, to be honest with him.

"I don't know, Castle. I don't know. I must have lost my super power, because I have no idea how this turns out."

* * *

Kate showers at seven, surprised that Esposito hasn't called about their DMV search and woken her before now. When she steps out, the steam billowing around her body, she swipes at the condensation over the mirror and peers into the glass.

Not too bad. Usual circles that she can cover with foundation. Usual laugh lines around her eyes, at the corners of her mouth. No grey, though she expects it any day now.

At least her sleepless night doesn't show on her face. Castle fell asleep soon after, but she stayed restless, her mind racing, until she woke him around one that morning and - well, took the edge off.

He's good at that. Talented hands. _Magic hands_, she thinks, grinning to herself.

Still doesn't solve her problem about what she does with this case. Raglan is murdered right in front of her husband and when they trace the sniper back to his lair, they find surveillance photos of her retired Captain. With her son in one of them.

It feels wrong. But she's not sure what else she can do.

A hand snakes around her waist and she feels him come at her back, dropping a kiss to her shoulder. "You tired?"

"I'm all right," she answers, lifting her hand from her towel to thread through his hair, squeezing his head between her shoulder and the side of her face.

"Love you, babe."

"I hate-"

"Yeah, but you woke me out of a dead sleep at one o'clock this morning because you wanted my body, so I get to call you babe-"

"Not your whole body. Just those fing-"

"You and your dirty mouth," he mutters, but kisses her soundly, trying to sneak those fingers under her towel.

She bats him away and pushes on his chest. He goes easily, heading for the shower.

* * *

Kate quietly opens Ellery's door, peering into the darkness. She can't see into the tent from here, so she moves in, squats down, and peers inside.

Dash is awake.

"Come on out, baby," she says softly.

He wriggles out from under Ellery - aw, that's cute. Ella has snuggled up to him in the night, wrapped around him like a seastar, but Dash manages.

He does wake his older sister though.

"Mom?"

"Go back to sleep, Allie," she whispers. "Only seven-thirty."

"Uh-huh," Allie mutters and rolls into Ellery, cuddling her.

When Dash slides out of the tent, Kate cups the back of his head and kisses him good morning.

"Ew," he mutters.

Kate smiles and guides him out of Ella's room, pushes him towards the bathroom. "Go pee. Then clothes-"

"You said pee." He's smirking at her.

"I did," she grins back. "After clothes, come downstairs and find me for breakfast."

"And hot tea?"

"We doing that again, sweet boy?"

"You keep calling me names," he sighs, glancing over his shoulder at her as he moves for the bathroom.

"Oh. Too grown-up for that?"

He scoffs at her and she comes in closer to grab him by the neck. "Ow-ee-"

"Too bad, my little man. You're my first baby, my only boy, so I am gonna always call you names."

His shoulders slump; he glances at her with a half-hearted look. "Even when I'm old?"

"How old is old?"

"Like when I'm twelve?"

"Yeah," she says, all seriousness, and follows him to the bathroom. "Not sorry about it either. I'm your mom. I get to do that."

He turns at the door, puts his hand on the knob, looks pretty serious too. "I guess that's okay."

And then he shuts the door on her.

Hm. Apparently her five year old wants his privacy.

* * *

Her father calls right when Kate gets her coffee mug to the table. She takes a fast sip and shows Dash her phone, letting him see it's Papa, and then answers with a grin.

"Dad-"

"Hey there, Katie. I catch you before work?"

"You did. How's the honeymoon?"

"Oh, it's so relaxing."

"I don't think it's supposed to be relaxing, Dad. I think you're supposed to be exhausting yourselves," she jokes, rubbing a hand through Dashiell's hair as he peers at her over the rim of his hot tea. Sanka, really, and he goes at it like she does her own morning coffee.

"Well, can I say that you're the last person I expected to tease me about that?" her father laughs.

She feels proud of that - at surprising him - because she knows she's stood in the way of his marriage for too long now. She didn't mean to, but he was worried about how she'd take it. She can be good; she really can. Castle helps.

"Well, how's Canada? Where are you guys again?"

"Today is Vancouver, got in last night."

"Oh, fun. What are your plans?"

"Well, Kelly's a big fan of this science fiction show they film here. So we're gonna hang around and see if we can catch them filming. Parallel universes or something. I don't get it."

"Oh yeah, Rick was telling me about that. I hope Kelly gets autographs, a picture, something."

"Me too. How's it going in New York, Katie?"

She hesitates, glancing at her son who's watching her with that avid, rapt expression. Hungry for it. She can't explain much, but she owes her father-

Well, on his honeymoon? Think about it, Kate.

"It's pretty crazy, actually," she hesitates. Dash holds out a hand and mimes for her to give him the phone. Good idea, baby. "Big case. But Dash wants to talk. Can I hand you off?"

"Of course. Love you."

"Love you too. Here, Dashiell, talk to Papa."

Dash beams at her and takes the phone, presses it against his ear, cocking his head as he listens to her father's greeting. Kate wraps her fingers around her coffee mug and watches him for a moment, everything in a tight knot in her chest.

But no. She can't do that to her father. If she comes up with anything concrete, then she'll tell him.

After his honeymoon. Let him have that, at least. Let them both have that.


	42. Chapter 42

Allie comes down the stairs braiding her wet hair; she finishes it off and comes to the kitchen counter. Kate gets up from the table, untangling from Dashiell, and heads to the young woman, brushing her hand down Allie's arm.

"Hey, sweetheart," she says quietly. "Want some breakfast?"

"You cooking it?" Allie grins, leaning her elbows on the granite.

"Oh man, Rafe has spoiled you," Kate laughs at her. "But yeah, I guess I can. Scrambled eggs, cheese, ham?"

"Omelette?"

"Basically. Not so fancy though."

"Sounds great. Good morning, bubba," she calls out, heading for Dash at the kitchen table.

"You and Mom got all these names. Why you not call me Dash?"

"Even Dash is a nickname," Allie laughs. "What's wrong with bubba?"

"It's a baby name," he says, wrinkling his nose at his sister. Kate watches them for a moment more before getting the eggs out of the fridge and turning the burner on.

"It kinda is a baby name," Kate hears Allie say to that. "It's what I called you when you were a baby, so it's special to me. But if you don't like it, I can call you something else."

Dash doesn't say anything to that, so Kate's not sure what he thinks. She pours a little milk into the mixture in the pan, then takes a step back to glance at her kids.

Allie is sitting at the table with Dash, her fingers cradled around Kate's coffee mug.

"Hey now," Kate laughs. "Get your own coffee."

Allie turns back and laughs, wriggling her eyebrows at Kate as she stands, still with the mug in her hands. "Oh yeah?"

"Better not," Kate warns, smirking back even as Allie lifts the cup to her lips and takes a healthy swallow. "How rude."

"Allie!" Dash gasps, his eyes flying to Kate's.

Kate laughs and shakes her head. "Isn't she impertinent? Shame on you, Allie."

"Shame, shame," Dash echoes. "Wait. What's that one?"

"What one what?" Kate says, pushing the eggs around in the pan with a spatula and then turning back to her son.

"Imp. . .imp-"

"Impertinent," Allie says, coming to the kitchen counter now and handing Kate her coffee. She takes a grateful sip and nods at Dash when he stands in his chair, giving him a pointed look. He climbs down and joins them in the kitchen.

"Impert-" he starts then sighs, tilting his head into his hand and his shoulders slumping. "What is it again?"

"Impertinent," Kate answers slowly, putting her coffee mug on the counter and leaning over to scoop Dashiell up. "Whoa, you're heavy my man."

"I'm five."

"That would be why," she answers, dropping him on the island counter. "Impertinent means to be a little rebellious."

"Rebellious," Dash says with relish. "Hm. I know that one."

"Yeah?"

"Rebel forces."

"Yeah."

"Like Captain Tightpants."

Allie laughs out loud at that, shooting Kate a look; Kate shrugs and grins back. "Yeah, Captain Mal was a rebel. Just like your daddy."

"Dad's no rebel," Dash says with a snort.

"Oh, how little you know," Allie says, bracketing Dash at the counter with her hands. "Dad's a total rebel."

"I don't believe you."

"Want to hear a story?" Kate says, scrambling the eggs and turning back to the two kids. "It's a Rebel Dad story."

"A Beckett story?" he says, his voice going up in speculation.

"Yeah, Beckett story through and through."

"Okay, tell me."

Kate finishes the eggs and pops the burner off, moving the pan to let it cool. Allie already has a plate and is nudging her aside. "I can get it. Tell the story."

Kate turns back to Dashiell and leans against the counter at his side. He puts his hand on her shoulder, his fingers twirling in her hair a little; a warmth runs through her skin, down her neck at his baby touch.

"Beckett story, Momma."

"Yeah. So. Remember when I told you on vacation that there was a time before you were born-"

"When you didn't live with Daddy and Allie," he sighs.

"Yeah."

Allie turns back to them with her plate of cheesy eggs and lifts an eyebrow. Kate nods once.

"When Allie was about - hmm, were you even a year old, Alexis?"

She lifts an eyebrow. "For what?"

"I think almost a year old. So she was a baby," Kate continues.

Dash is turning round eyes on his older sister, as if he can't possibly imagine a baby Alexis.

"Allie was a baby and Dad was - a rebel," Kate continues. "One night he-"

"Wait. Where were you, Momma?"

Kate blinks, does the math in her head. If Allie was nearly a year - more like nine months old - then that was twenty-three years ago.

"Um. I was - ha," Kate laughs and shakes her head at Dash, wonders if telling him how old she was is really that great of an idea. "Well, Daddy and I aren't the same age-"

"He told me you were," Dash says, indignant.

"Well, we almost are. Basically. When you're an adult, then it's different. Daddy is a little bit older than me-"

"A little bit," Allie snorts.

Kate casts her a look and shakes her head. "I was about thirteen, so I was with my Mom and Dad."

"Kate, you were thirteen," Allie gapes.

"Momma?" Dash says, glancing back and forth between them like that totally can't be possible.

"Dad was - your Dad has a special kind of - he's never really as old. . ." Kate stops trying to explain. "Dad was twenty-three or -four, so he was Allie's age now. But Dad is a rebel, remember?, so he acted like he was thirteen as well. Which is why Dad and I are pretty much the same age."

"Were you with him?"

"No," Kate laughs. "I didn't know Dad, remember?"

"How you know this story?"

"There's a police report," Kate answers truthfully.

Dash's mouth drops open. "Rebel Dad." He knows what a police report is.

Allie is smirking even as she eats her eggs; she's poured herself a cup of coffee and Kate takes up her own to hold it against her chest as she finishes the story. "Dad went out with some friends of his. And Allie's mom was there too-"

"Meredith," Dash says intently.

Allie chokes on her eggs and gives Kate a startled look. But it's okay. Kate thinks it's a good idea to start giving the kids some history, some origin stories, let them know where they've come from, what's happened in their parents' lives. Help them make sense of their world.

"Right, so it was Meredith and Dad and some friends of theirs - mostly actors and actresses-"

"Like Gram."

"Yeah, like Gram. Exactly. They had just finished a play, so they were celebrating."

"Meredith, Dad, and friends. Why weren't you celebrating too, Momma?"

Kate rolls her eyes and nudges his shoulder. "I was thirteen, baby. I already said that."

"But-"

Allie leans in and kisses Dash's cheek. "You're cute, bubba. Mom and Dad weren't living together then. She was living with her Mom and Dad."

"Yeah. So then Dad celebrated a lot," Kate continues, sipping slowly at her coffee. "He and Meredith and their friends celebrated and were very rebellious and they went to Central Park."

"I like the park."

"I do too. It was late at night. They were all pretty happy about their play, and Dad decided that he wanted to ride the horses in the park."

"I've ridden those horses."

"Me too. Fun, right?" Allie says, ruffling her brother's hair and putting her plate in the sink.

"Dad wanted to ride horses?"

"Yeah, and the problem was - the horse stables weren't open that late at night."

"Oh, too bad," Dash sighs.

"Well, guess what Dad did?" Kate says, drawing out the story with a little smirk. "He and his friends are so happy and being silly and rebels, right, so they see this horse just standing there."

"Horse just appeared? Like magic?"

Kate laughs a little. "Like magic, baby. Probably what Dad was thinking too. So Dad gets on the horse and starts riding away." She conveniently leaves out the fact that Meredith had dared Rick to strip and wade in the fountain, which he'd done before spotting the horse and making for it.

"Dad got on the horse?"

"And rode away. But guess what, baby?"

"What, Momma?"

"It was a police man's horse."

Dash's little jaw drops and he stares at her. "He _stole_ it?"

"He did."

Dash flushes and looks at Allie, then back to his mother.

"I didn't steal it," Castle grumbles from the doorway.

Dash spins around on the counter and then lunges to get down. Kate barely catches him, letting him slide down her leg to the floor; Dash runs to his father and leaps into his arms. Castle grunts and hugs Dash good morning.

"I didn't steal it," he repeats. "I borrowed it. Why are we telling our son about my crazy naked exploits?"

"You were naked?" Dashiell gasps.

Kate groans.

Allie chokes on her coffee and has to run to the sink to spit it out, laughing so hard that Kate can see she's crying.

"I was - I was - Kate, help me out here."

"Dad was being a rebel, Dash." She sets her coffee down and comes to them in the living room, wrapping an arm around Dashiell in his father's grip, leaning in to kiss her husband's cheek. He smells good, clean from the shower, and his mouth finds her in a moment, brushing back and forth over her lips.

"Naked, Dad?"

Castle laughs against her mouth and pulls back, releasing her. "Thanks, Kate."

"You spilled the beans."

"Dad. Naked. Horse. Come on," Dash says, shoving on Castle's cheek to push him away from Kate.

She lifts her eyebrows at her son, a warning look, and he drops his hands, chagrined for an instant.

"I was being irresponsible, and yeah, a rebel. But then I got arrested and that wasn't fun anymore. That's what happens when you make bad choices."

"Police man got you. Was it Mommy?"

Kate laughs at that, grinning at her son. "I was thirteen, remember?"

"Oh."

"You were thirteen?" Castle hisses, giving her a startled look.

She nods, smirking at him. "Cradle robber."

"Too cruel," he mutters.

"Dad. Come on. Finish the story. You got arrested and then what?"

Allie has slid into the living room as well, arms crossed over her chest. "I'm interested in this one too."

"Momma said Allie was a baby. Who took care of Allie while you were arrested?"

"Gram was here with Allie. And then Meredith came back. Ah-" He glances quickly at Kate, and she nods at him to let him know that she's already told Dash this. "Yeah, so Allie was fine. Gram took good care of her."

Kate sees him wince, knows that story too - Gram left her here asleep to bail Castle out of jail, Meredith nowhere to be found.

"And then?" Dash prompts.

"And then I paid a lot of money to the police to say I was sorry. I spent a few hours in jail before someone could get me out. And then Meredith and I got divorced, and that's how the story ends."

"What's divorced?" Dash asks.

Kate sighs. "You know what divorced is. Like Jessie's parents. We told you about Dad and Allie's mom getting divorced too."

"Jessie's parents don't live together any more."

"Neither do mine," Allie says. "Well, they sorta do, because now your mom is my mom too."

Dash leans out and hooks an arm around Kate's neck. "But my mom and dad don't get divorced."

"Nope," Kate says, kissing his cheek.

"Not how this story ends," Castle adds, his hand sneaking out to find Kate's and squeezing.


	43. Chapter 43

Castle is rolling his sleeves up just past his elbows when he pushes open the door to Ella's room. It's still dark inside, but he hears the scratching on the glass from the lizard in his terrarium, begging for attention. He meant to look up those beasts online, see what information he could find, but it's slipped his mind.

The pop-up tent is planted in the middle of Ellery's floor, so he sinks to his knees and peers inside. Ella is out cold in a nest of blankets and pillows, hair in her face, mouth open and drooling.

Heh, she looks like Kate.

"Ella," he calls softly.

She doesn't even twitch.

Castle studies the tent's entrance and tries to figure out a way to do this with some dignity, but it's probably not going to happen. So he drops to elbows and army crawls his way inside, hovering over his daughter.

He props himself to one side and rubs his fingers over her cheek. "Ella, time to get up."

Her mouth smacks, almost whuffling like the dog, and then her eyes slide open, unfocused.

"Hey there, sweet girl."

Her head turns to look at him, incomprehension on her face, and then she lifts both arms to be picked up. Castle grunts and scoops her up, half-sitting in the tight confines of her tent, his head brushing the top as he cuddles his sleepy girl to his chest.

She sags into him, her face at the buttons of his dress shirt, her arms loose at his neck with her baby fingers in the short hair at his nape. He adjusts her so that she doesn't get the round impressions of those buttons in her cheek, and then he manages to sit cross-legged inside her tent.

Caressing the hair from her face, he murmurs to her in an attempt to wake her slowly.

"You had fun sleeping in your tent, huh? I bet. All the kids dog-piled together."

When her little voice comes, he's not expecting it. "You and Mommy shoulda come."

Castle grin and kisses her softly. "Yeah? Next time then."

She nods against his chest, but her eyes are closed. He strokes his fingers along her temple, smoothing her hair back.

"You ready to get dressed?"

She's still sagged against him and she doesn't respond to that, so he just stands straight up, bringing the whole tent with him. He hears her giggling and glances down to see her eyes are now open.

"I think this tent's too small for me, cricket. What do you think?"

"Too small," she echoes.

He shoves it off and it flops to the floor, bouncing a little, so he kicks at one of the sides and makes it collapse. She giggles again, that quiet and soft thing, and he grins to hear it.

"Ready for clothes now?"

"You do it," she says.

"I've already got my clothes on," he whispers, rubbing her back.

She giggles again and pushes her palms against his chest to lift up, her eyes blinking up at him. "Where my mommy?"

"Downstairs making you scrambled eggs."

"I wear stripes?"

"Sure, baby."

"You do it?"

"I'll dress you, sure," he sighs, giving in with a soft kiss to her forehead.

* * *

When Castle finally brings Ella downstairs, Kate takes her daughter from his arms and cuddles her, kissing her cheek.

"Morning. I mad you eggs. You hungry?"

"Daddy put on mine clothes."

"He did? I bet they didn't fit him. He probably looked silly."

Ellery giggles and lifts her head from Kate's chest. "He not put mine clothes on him. He put mine clothes on me!"

"Ohhh, you got Daddy to dress you. How beautiful you look this morning too." She's wear navy leggings, a purple and black zig-zag skirt, and a turquoise long-sleeved hensley. Castle has pulled her hair back in a rather expert pony tail, too.

"Thank you," Ella says proudly, sitting back in Kate's arms to preen, both hands fluffing her skirt. "You make me eggs?"

"I did. If you're hungry. But if you don't want them, I can pack you a big snack for preschool."

"I eat eggs."

Kate settles her in the chair at the bar and pulls her plate close. She figured the girl would eat, even though she often whines about breakfast, much like her mother actually. Kate can eat a piece of toast once she's been up for an hour or so, but any more than that makes her feel sick. So she doesn't force Ella to eat when she gets up even if Castle doesn't understand.

Ellery uses her fingers to pick at the eggs, eating the chunks of ham first. Kate finds her cup of orange juice, watered down of course, and screws the lid on it, hands it to her.

"Eggs good, Mommy."

"Well good. You got about twenty minutes before we need to leave," she warns.

Allie steps up to Ella and kisses her cheek. "I'm gonna say bye now, Ella-bean. I've got to get home and do some packing. Thanks for letting me sleep over with you."

Ellery wraps both arms around her sister's neck and gives her eskimo kisses with her lashes. Kate grins as she meets Allie's eyes. The young woman straightens and heads for Dash in the living room.

"Hey, Dash, I'm leaving."

"Bye," he says, rather distracted by his game of ninjas. He's really just practicing karate moves and pretending he has opponents, but Allie corrals him and gives him a big squeeze.

"Bye, bubba."

Dash surrenders to the hug and waves after her as she leaves, then goes back to his karate, making noises as he attacks invisible enemies, kicking and chopping at the chairs, the couch, the coffee table. She debates whether or not to warn him about hitting the table, but he probably won't stop until he hurts himself anyway. So she leaves it alone.

Kate rinses the pan in the sink and loads it in the dishwasher, flicks water off her hands and into Ella's face.

The girl blinks and giggles. "Why you do that?"

"Cause I can."

"You silly, Mommy."

"No way," she says in mock horror, crowding close to Ella at the bar and kissing her cheek. "That's Daddy's job. I'm never silly."

"You silly so much."

"Oh, I am?"

"I giggle."

"I hear you giggling."

"I have more ham?"

Kate releases her daughter and goes to the fridge. "It's cold."

"I have more?"

"Sure." Kate pulls the package out - pre-cut chunks of ham especially for omelette-making. It took some fast talking to convince Castle to let her get these instead of a real ham and then cooking it and freezing it for later. Neither of them have time to be making a huge ham just to use in omelettes. Crazy.

Ellery holds out both hands, cupped in front of her plate, so Kate just dumps some into her palms.

"That'll have to do. Eat your eggs."

"Okay," Ella says and crams them into her mouth. Kate rolls her eyes and moves to Dash, blocks a rather brutal karate chop to the coffee table with her forearm, then twists and catches his wrist. She tugs and has him crashing into her instead, his eyes wide at her maneuver even as he flounders at her feet.

"Whoa."

"Gonna hurt yourself."

"Can you teach me that?"

"When you're older, maybe." She studies his face and frowns at him. "So long as you don't use it on your sister."

Dashiell's face falls, and Kate shakes her head at him.

"Wild man, go get your stuff for school."

"But I'm-"

"Right now," she says, leaving enough warning in her voice to get him moving.

Dashiell doesn't pitch a fit though; he drops his nerf gun - wait, when did a nerf gun become part of it? - and scampers for the stairs.

Now for Castle.

"Rick," she calls out, heading for their bedroom. Where did he disappear to after he brought Ellery downstairs? "Rick, where-"

He collides with her in his study, a breath of laughter as he catches her around the waist. "Hey, babe. You called?"

"You ready to go?"

"We have twenty minutes."

"Yeah. And so?"

He snorts at her and goes back to his desk, his laptop. "Give me eighteen of those twenty, Kate."

She winces as he sits back down, realizes he's got lots of work he probably should be doing for Black Pawn. But instead he's at the 12th with her for this case.

"Hey, if you want to-"

His head lifts quickly. "No. Coming with you. Don't even."

She nods slowly, accepting that, and then turns around and leaves him to it, giving him those eighteen minutes.

* * *

He's still answering emails when it's time to go, so he switches to his phone and tries not to be too obnoxious about it. Kate seems entirely willing to let it go, so even while he slows them up, she keeps coming back for him, taking him by the elbow as she herds the kids to the elevator, herding him as well.

"Thanks," he murmurs, sending a response email to his PA about the meeting and then pocketing his phone to help. Kate's usually not so forgiving about his distraction, so he hurries to catch up and scoops daydreaming Ella into his arms.

Kate gives him a tight smile, but it's not annoyance. Something else in her eyes. Regret maybe. He thought they'd already gone over this.

Ellery clutches at his ears and he has to untangle her fingers, kissing her little palm. "Ease up, baby girl."

"We go to mine school."

"Uh-huh. Time for school."

They troop off the elevator and into the underground garage, Kate at the lead with the keys in one hand, already remote unlocking the doors. Dashiell darts ahead and she snags him back with a quick grip of the boy's backpack.

"No running in the parking lot, Dash," he says. "Or Mom will have to hold your hand."

Kate shoots him a little smile and guides the kid to their car, opens the door for him. Castle heads to the other side and puts Ellery in her seat, buckling her in. Everyone's quiet as they get settled and Kate turns the ignition.

"No call from the 12th?" he murmurs quietly.

"Not yet. I'd hoped to run that search first thing this morning, but. . .who knows."

He waits as the door goes up and she pulls out into the morning light, cold and clear, the sky a dirty grey.

"Go ahead, Rick," she says softly.

He smiles at her and pulls his phone back out, opens his email app. He has to get some of this done.

* * *

Kim is in the lobby of their preschool when they arrive, greeting the kids as they enter. Dash runs and gives her a hug, enthusiastic, and Ellery copies him with gusto, crowding for her attention. Kate laughs and signs them in, somehow gets a good-bye kiss on the knee from Dash as well, like a drive-by, there and gone.

Ellery follows after him, but Kate calls her back. "Say good-bye, cricket."

Ella sighs and stares morosely after her fast-disappearing brother, but Kate grabs her up and gobbles at her neck.

Giggling, the girl leans back and pushes at Kate's face. "Mommy, you not really eat me."

She grins against her daughter's prodding fingers, nibbles on them to hear that laugh again. "Okay, sweetheart. Go chase after your brother."

"I tell Daddy bye."

"Do that first, yeah."

She squirms down and runs to Castle, who has only made it just inside the door before he had to stop and email again. Ellery collides with his shins, squeezing, and Castle leans over to embrace her back, hauling her up against his chest to kiss her and then drop her back on her feet.

Ellery runs off, disappearing down the hall to her classroom.

Kate approaches the preschool director, waiting her turn as another mother talks about her kid's unfortunate diaper rash, ouch. Castle comes at her side and has put his phone away, so she half-turns to him to explain but he shakes his head.

"I got it. Good idea."

When Kim is free, she leans over and embraces Kate, which is always a surprise to her, but she accepts it and hugs back.

"Kim, we just wanted to say thank you for indulging us. We're in the middle of a case that hits close to home."

"Oh I had hoped - is it about - it's about your mother, isn't it?"

Jeez, how many people know? It's all in Castle's books, of course it is, and then in the magazine articles, and then there was the time she had to shoot Dick Coonan - that made it on the nightly news.

"It is," Castle answers for her. "And it's complicated and kind of scary, so we'd really appreciate you just keeping an eye on the kids today. I have absolute confidence in their teachers, of course, but just knowing someone else is-"

"Of course. No problem," Kim assures them, laying her hand on Kate's forearm.

"Also," Kate adds. "Dash has been sensitive about-"

"The burn. Yeah, he told me about that," Kim says with a wince, and then reaches out and takes Kate's hand gently. "Oh, honey it looks much better than the other day."

"Yeah, yeah, it's healing. Thank you."

"I'll make sure their teachers know what's going on. And we'll pay extra attention. Don't worry."

"Thank you," Castle adds, his hand coming to Kate's back, a little nudge to get her going.

She turns away from Kim with a last smile of gratitude and then lets Castle lead her back outside to the car.

"Now for the 12th," she murmurs.


	44. Chapter 44

Ryan comes running the moment the elevator doors open; Castle holds up both hands and laughs, fending him off. "Aw, Ryan. You sure are excited to see me. I'm touched."

"Shut up, Castle," he grunts and whips out two printed sheets, shoves them at Kate.

Castle looks at them over her shoulder as they step off the elevator, heading down the hall until Kate stops suddenly. "DMV search results?"

"Yeah. Two Jolenes with those search criteria - Blonde in Brooklyn."

"Jolene Granger. Jolene Anders," Kate reads. "Where's Espo-"

"On his way up. He and Lanie - ah, something, I don't know."

Castle feels Kate's fingers dig in above his elbow, turning him back to the elevator. "Ryan, collar Esposito the moment he gets here. You guys take Jolene Anders. We'll take Granger."

The lift hasn't left their floor yet, so the moment she jabs the call button, it pops back open. They pile back on together as Ryan fishes out his phone and checks it; Castle sees the lock screen as he does.

"Aw, that's cute. Is that Ian?" The boy is giving a huge grin but he's got - chocolate? - all over his face.

"Yeah, that kid is a mess," Ryan laughs. "Esposito texted me - he just got here."

"Good," Kate says with relish, then brushes her hair back from her face. "Dash was asking me this morning if he could play with Collin and Ian - you guys have any free time this weekend?"

"You mean if this case is put to bed?" Ryan snorts.

"Yeah that," she smiles at him. Castle meets her eyes over Ryan's head and grins. The elevator doors open and there's Esposito, his badge on a chain around his neck, shirt sleeves pushed up.

"Good of you to make it," Castle says, falling in step with Kate as they head out through the front lobby.

Esposito reaches back to punch him in the shoulder. "Shut up. Lanie had issues."

"Lanie always has-"

"Castle," Kate warns, giving him a look.

"What? She does. Even more so since-"

"Castle, that's my woman you're talking about," Esposito says, giving him a fierce glare that shuts him up.

"All right, girls. We got work. Granger and Anders." Kate flips the locks and opens the door of the Crown Vic. "You call me when you get her."

"Roger that," Esposito calls back, sliding into the passenger seat of Ryan's unit.

* * *

In the car, he gets the chance to take a breath again. "Oh hey, on Friday I took Ellery to the pool-"

"Oh, good," Kate says immediately, flashing him a smile. "She needs the practice. I feel like she was really - fearless - at the beach. But she's not that strong a swimmer."

"Yeah, we're working on that," Castle says. "But I sort of promised Dash we'd take him sometime this week."

"He was upset about that," Kate says softly.

"Yeah, but not overly so. Just mad he didn't get to go."

"All right. We'll have to - I don't know when, Castle. Maybe with Collin and Ian? But-"

"Yeah, Collin and Ian. Good idea. But no rush. I just want you to be aware of it."

"Okay," she says, drawing out a long breath. "Thanks."

"Oh, and-" he mutters to himself, pulling out his phone. "I've been meaning to look up that lizard."

"Look him up?" Kate laughs, shooting him an amused, patronizing kind of smile. "In what? The yellow pages? Facebook?"

"I'm googling him."

"Why?"

_I don't trust it._ But that's a stupid thing to tell his wife. Rather unmanly. Castle types _bearded dragon kids risks_ into the search box and immediately he gets results.

"Salmonella?" he gasps.

"What?" Kate asks, giving him a look as she comes to a light.

"Ellery can get salmonella from that damn lizard."

Kate's mouth drops open. "Not - Castle. Seriously. It's incredibly rare, but yes, all reptiles have the potential to carry salmonella. However-"

"Kate," he barks, staring at her. "Salmonella! She's been eating dinner with that thing on the table-"

"I made her stop-"

"She's got her face buried in its back-"

"She washes her hands; the lizard is kept clean as well. We already knew this. Didn't you read the care sheet that the pet store gave us?"

He seethes for a moment longer (_no_, he didn't), the car lurching forward from the stop light. Kate lets out a long breath and then reaches over for his phone. Not even looking, she thumbs it off, dumps it in the cupholder.

He gets the message, but he doesn't like it. _Let it go._

"Kate-"

"Ella loves that thing, Rick. You can't freak out over the less than one percent chance she might get salmonella from it. I promise you - she washes her hands, she knows the rules, and the pet store kept them clean, same as we're doing."

He swallows hard. Abe Lincoln. The lurking danger in their midst. The silent killer. The-

"Castle," she admonishes quietly.

"Yeah," he sighs and falls silent, staring out the window.

After a while the tension drains just like that, evolving into simple mute acceptance. Then it's another minute of silence, that companionable quiet that seems to stretch out between them more and more these days. A good silence. Sometimes he wonders if she hasn't just totally rubbed off on him, and then sometimes he thinks that being with her has made him more into the kind of person who can be that for her - the man she needs - the partner capable of being silent with her.

She finds her calm in the midst of her strong, centered spirit. He's always been impressed with that. And now it seems she's allowed him to find his calm as well. If not a centered spirit, then at least one that can be still for a moment. Let go of the melodrama.

Dash finds that in his mother too. That's why the kid goes running to her when he's upset, when he can't pull himself back together. She's the perfect mother for him. Just what he needs.

Castle reaches out and takes her free hand in his, the uninjured one, the one without her new wedding ring.

She has it on her left hand, of course. She's barely taken it off; he felt it last night in bed. It makes him stupidly proud that he managed to pick just the right thing for this amazing woman who loves him still.

"Hey, here we are," Kate says into the quiet, the car pulling up out front.

"You think she's still alive?" Castle asks, his mind slowly coming back to the case.

"No," she says shortly. "If this is the Jolene he got the drugs from, then no. I don't think she is."

* * *

"Jolene Granger? NYPD."

Kate taps the brushed-chrome knob and the door swings inward.

Not a good sign.

Castle is at her back and she jerks her head to one side, giving him a look as she pulls out her weapon. He does as he's told and keeps well away as Beckett surveys the area and then makes a sweep of the place.

Jolene Granger's apartment is modern and upscale; her furniture a little too uncomfortable despite the shag rug and-

"Castle," she calls quietly. He steps up next to her even as she heads for Jolene, her fingers poised to search for a pulse but it's too late. Beckett doesn't even need to touch her, but she does anyway, just in case.

She's dead.

"Yeah, must be her," Castle murmurs, his voice low with the reality of death. "Damn. Dead end."

Jolene is trussed with ties and lying on her side, her throat purple and raw with the marks of a garrote. Eyes unseeing and bulging in her thin face.

Kate pulls out her phone, standing back up again, and calls Esposito. She turns her back on the body - it reminds her too much of the Triple Killer, and Beckett's guilt for not catching on to his con in time still has the power to eat at her. If she's not careful. She could've used Castle on that one.

"Esposito," he barks on the line.

"Jolene Granger is dead." Castle sighs from behind her and Kate turns to look at him, sharing that misery.

Esposito sighs as well. "Damn. We're on our way-"

A sudden explosion rocks the speaker of Kate's phone and she stumbles back even though it's not on her end. Castle has her by the elbow but her heart is thundering.

"Esposito? Esposito-"

Yelling, the sound of a phone clattering to the concrete-

the crunch of static.

Castle's fingers are iron bands at her elbow.

"Castle. Oh God-"

He stares at her.

"Espo. Ryan. Someone - Lockwood-"

She wastes no more time, calls her new Captain, Castle's hand still half-holding her up.


	45. Chapter 45

Kate presses the phone against her ear and paces. On the other end, Gates is icy in her control; Beckett finds her heart rate coming under control with every word.

Gates's voice is clipped. "Flash grenade in the stairwell. The guys I sent recovered their cell phones."

"Lockwood must have grabbed them," Kate breathes out, biting her lip. Castle is rifling through Jolene's mail even as the forensics team is doing their thing. "He dumped their phones so we can't GPS track them-"

"Can't find Jolene's either," Castle says, shaking his head. "Lockwood must've gotten rid of it."

"Of course, it connects back to him. She would've called him on it-"

"Wait," Castle says, his face alive as he turns back to the desk. "A bill. Phone bill. I saw it-"

Kate takes in a breath and watches him. "Captain, we're going to look for Granger's phone bill and see if we can get into her account."

Castle jerks out a bill and holds it up in triumph. "Computer. I need-"

Kate gestures to her tablet and he grabs it from just inside the door. She holds the phone with her shoulder and takes the bill from him, ripping it open with her finger as he gets online.

On the other end, Gates is talking to someone else, and then comes back to her. "What do you need to get into the account?"

"Castle's-"

"Got it. Okay, account number, Kate?"

"Fifty-eight. Ninety-two. Sixty-three. Nine. Eleven. Ninety-nine."

"Uh, shit. We need her mother's maiden name so we can get the password emailed to us."

"Captain? We need her mother's maiden name. Can you-"

"I'm on it."

Kate hands the phone over to Castle, and begins searching through the rest of Jolene's desk. Bills for credit cards - those might help, if the phone doesn't come through - a flyer for a local drug store, a netflix envelope that's curiously empty, an envelope with a silver key, a handful of pens, a post-it notepad from a drug company-

"Okay, I got the password. We're in," Castle calls out. She comes back over to him, standing at his side and peering at the ipad. He's scrolling through the account's call log.

"It'll be the one of the last numbers she called. He'd have come over, gotten the pills from her, then taken care of things."

"Got it," Castle says. "This one-"

Kate grabs her cell phone from him - he's only had it in his fist, not even on it. "Captain?"

"What've you got?"

"Last call. I need a GPS track of 917-555-0176."

"Yes," Castle hisses to himself. "I'm a genius."

She pauses, the phone against her ear and then leans over and presses her lips to his cheek soundlessly. "Or something."

* * *

She's got the phone on the handset even as she takes the ramp onto the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. The address is near the Navy Yard, which is closer to Manhattan than Granger's place. She drives as fast as she dares and argues with Captain Gates.

"No sir. Before you send out SWAT, I want to get eyes on this place."

"Detective, we can't waste time-"

"Lockwood didn't kill them. Which means he has plans for them; the place will be his base of operations and it's going to be heavily guarded. We don't stand a chance if SWAT goes in there."

"Look, Beckett, I know-"

"You don't know. Pardon me, sir, but you have no idea. This is my team. Esposito's wife - our ME - she's pregnant. And Ryan has two boys. This is my family-"

"Which is exactly why you don't need to be the one who makes this decision, Detective."

"We bring SWAT in and we lose the element of surprise. Right now, Lockwood thinks he's got it covered." She accelerates off the Expressway and hooks a sharp left turn onto Vanderbilt. "Castle and I can get Espo and Ryan in and out of there without losing - losing my team."

There's a sharp silence even as Beckett turns left onto Flushing and heads for Navy Street at the far west of the Brooklyn Navy Yard.

"All right. You have point on this Beckett. You call me the moment-"

"Yes sir," she says in a rush, glancing once more to the ipad's GPS that Castle holds up. "We'll phone in as soon as we have a plan."

Kate thumbs off her phone with a jab and grips the wheel, turning hard onto Plymouth, then Little Street, rolling towards the docks.

More docks. More damn warehouses on the docks.

She parks at the corner of Marshall and Little, right on the street, grateful for the rows of parked cars around them.

"That's it," he says softly, the GPS beacon flashing. "Warehouse."

"I hate the docks," she mutters.

He only nods.

Her chest is tight. Esposito hasn't even seen his kid. Ryan - they're supposed to meet with his boys for a playdate later this week, maybe at the pool, and this isn't - this can't be-

"SWAT goes in there," Castle says, his voice low. "We won't get them out alive."

It's about four or five stories, mostly broken windows that are jagged at the top story, but boarded over on the bottom floor. The door is well-lit, but a stolid man in a black leather jacket is pacing along the sidewalk. She can just see the butt of his weapon as he turns slightly.

Another guard rounds the corner just at that moment, walking a perimeter around the warehouse. The two nod their heads at each other and the second guard continues on. Kate begins timing it, almost unconsciously.

She shakes her head, staring at the building. "I could use a silver lining here, Castle."

She hears him breathing sharply in and out at her side, and even though he hasn't said a word in response, having him there is doing a lot for her confidence. She takes a hand off the steering wheel and flings her arm in his direction; he snags her fingers in his and squeezes tightly.

She can breathe again. This is what they're faced with, she and her partner, and they have to - _have to_ - get Esposito and Ryan out of there.

"Castle," she says quietly. "I'm open to dumb ideas here."

A tighter squeeze around her fingers, and then his voice in the darkness of her car, low and rocky.

"I think I have one."

* * *

They switch places and then Castle attempts to nonchalantly drive the Crown Vic past the parked cars in front of the naval depot. It's an overflow lot for the converted lofts at the end of the block, just past the warehouse where they believe Lockwood has Esposito and Ryan.

The brilliant, late morning sun is in direct contrast with the dark, twisted run of his thoughts, but Castle laughs his way out of the car and comes around to the trunk, meeting her at the back, feeling blatantly false. She's shuffling, giggling in a high-pitched, dreamy way that he has _never_ heard from her lips before, and she reaches out for him, clutching his coat.

He slips his arm around her, holding her up, and she lists them to one side, then back, her eyelashes practically touching her cheeks, her head tilted back, those giggles like sighs.

The guard in front of the broken-down warehouse takes a few steps in their direction, still cautious; Kate's hand on his lapel clenches tighter, her other hand at the back of his coat grasping now too. _Get ready_.

"No more business lunches for you," he says in a booming voice, letting laughter fill in the edges.

She giggles and tilts her head back at him, and her eyes are glittering with a desperation that makes him breathless. He can't help dragging her flush against him in response, needing to ease that fear but not knowing how.

"If this is how all my business lunches go, I'm completely willing to do it again," she says, her voice sounding sly and slurred, her giggle landing somewhere in his shoulder as she buries her face there.

The guard is now on a straight path towards them, the look on his face still suspicious.

"He's not buying it, Castle," she murmurs to him, eyes lifting to meet his.

"It's eleven in the morning. I told you playing drunk was a stupid idea," he whispers back, stalling her at the edge of the sidewalk, his mouth close to her ear. She giggles again and sighs - so beautiful sounding, so pleasured, so wrong - her mouth nuzzling his cheek.

His body partially blocks her from the guard-dog's view; he can feel her arm moving, lifting aside her coat, and he takes a sideways flicker of his eyes to see the man's hand go to his weapon.

No. No one gets out alive if she shoots-

"Wait," he breathes, then bats away her hand and reaches up to frame her cheeks, staring down at her. She looks pissed and he revels in that for an instant - how he's supplanted her panicky desperation with such resolved anger - and then he dives for her mouth.

He kisses her hot and hard, sucking on her bottom lip until she opens for him, then stroking forcefully against her teeth, the roof of her mouth, swallowing her moan of approval. For the change in plan or for his improvisational skills or the just the kiss itself, he doesn't know.

He puts her away from him then, staring across the short space at her wide eyes, her parted and sensual mouth, and he gives a jerk of his head to get her attention. She casts a quick gaze over his shoulder and then back to him, determination lining her face, and then Kate Beckett jumps him.

He lets out a startled breath that gets absorbed by her ravenous mouth, slides his hands to fist in her hair, the back of her coat as she presses herself against him, hot and lithe and dangerous. He tastes the dark edge of her intensity, draws it from her with every thrust of her tongue against his, drops a hand to her hip to slide his fingers under her shirt-

In a moment, her lips rip away from his, her body taut and practically springing from him. His eyes take longer to open than he'd like, but he sees her spinning kick the second it impacts with the guard's smugly grinning jaw. Not grinning now.

The man goes down like a sack of potatoes and Kate stands there, chest heaving, her back to him, her hair in disarray because of his hands and her karate move.

"Wow," he breathes out, and she glances back to him, her eyes that blank and deadly calm stare - cop mode.

Yeah. Shit. She's hot.

"Amazing," he murmurs and rubs at his lips, aroused and anxious and confused by how aroused and anxious he is. "What you did there."

"That kiss, or the kick?" she says with a lift of her eyebrow, standing in front of him like Electra, bad-ass and beautiful and her eyes smoking for him.

"Yeah," he answers, serious.

She smirks but it's short-lived, filled with a restless worry that he shares.

"Let's go, Castle."

* * *

They drag the unconscious brute into the shadow of a street-level basement window, truss his hands behind his back with a couple garbage ties Castle ripped off a bag down the street.

"We've got about eight minutes before that other guy circles back around," she murmurs to him, ejecting the guard's clip into her hand and placing the gun in the windowsill out of view. She pockets the bullets - they won't work as spare rounds, but she doesn't want anyone coming in behind them with a gun.

"Eight minutes could mean Espo and-" he starts, but she cuts him off with a look. They are _not_ waiting to take out the other guard.

"What I'm saying, Castle, is that we have eight minutes to do this."

"Yeah," he says back and despite all her training, he pops his head up and makes for the front door.

Kate curses him and clutches the back of his coat, dragging him back down to the relative safety of the shadows at the basement windows. "What the hell, Castle? Me first."

He glares back at her but takes up his usual position on her six; she can feel him trying not to crowd into her. _Try harder._

She leads the way with her weapon drawn, eases open the right side of the front double doors. Well-oiled, no creaking, and they step lightly down the short entry hall. No dust either, but some grime caked on the windows, the edges of the hall. Temporary base of operations then.

Beckett gestures for Castle to stay there, and she inches her way to the end of the hall, does a quick recon of the space beyond them, ducks back.

She closes her eyes to preserve the image. Construction equipment lying dormant, stacks of concrete and gravel in their durable bags piled head-high on wooden crates. She opens her eyes and jerks her head for her partner to follow.

_Husband, my husband, my kids' father-_

Can't think about that now. Beckett keeps her weapon drawn but pointed down, taking them on a circuitous but quick path through the open end of the warehouse. She hears voices, water, and pauses, raising her hand to signal Castle to stop as well.

He breathes at her back, and then they shift as one towards a stack of support beams, raise cautious heads to make out the scene.

"Damn," Castle breathes, hot at her neck.

She swallows hard as Ryan's head is finally let up from the ice bath; he's spluttering and coughing, breathing at least, and her team is giving Lockwood baleful, brave smirks.

"Castle. . ." she starts, but she has no plan. No good plan anyway. Just more dumb ideas. "I'll draw their fire; you circle around-"

"Free Ryan and Espo. Got it," he nods, looking supremely confident. She can tell he doesn't feel it though. Neither does she.

There are enough of Lockwood's team in here that the moment she starts shooting, she's going to be in dire trouble. At the same time, all it takes is one wrong move on Castle's part - completely vulnerable as he moves to get the boys - and he's made.

Kate stops him from moving off with a hand on his forearm. "Wait. Here." She pulls up her pant leg and reveals her ankle holster; Castle reaches down for it himself, fingers skirting her skin in a quick caress. A good-bye? No. _No._

She gives in and presses her mouth to his, quiet and intense, and then backs away from him. "Stay down. Get the boys." She knows he sees too much in her eyes.

He snags the back of her neck with his fingers, squeezing. "You _are_ coming home; you will always come home."

"And you," she hisses. "You stay the hell down. Don't you dare waste time returning fire. Got me?" She stares at him fiercely, and then moves away from him.

* * *

Castle watches Beckett disappear and then he makes his way past the ring of stacked supplies scattered along the warehouse floor. Construction equipment - bobcats and front-end loaders - hulk menacingly in his path and he has to be careful not to get snagged, not clamor against their metal casements.

He finds himself directly behind the boys, and watches with a ripple of shock as Ryan is hauled out of the ice water once more and flung to one side. The man's knees crack with the impact of the concrete floor, and then Lockwood is leveling his weapon to Ryan's thigh.

Esposito yells furiously, covering Castle's own sucked in breath, and then Kate takes out one of Lockwood's guys in the next instant.

The bullet is true and the guy goes down, making everyone else scramble for cover. Castle ducks as a bullet ricochets; he snakes his way towards where Esposito is head-butting his captor.

The fight is brutal and messy; Ryan seems breathless but desperate even as he kicks out against the weapon another goon fires from. He hears a sharp noise from Kate's direction, but Lockwood's team is being put down, one by one.

But Lockwood-?

A movement just below his position has Castle hunching low; he eyes the space between himself and a bobcat with its black cage, tries to recognize what it is he's seeing.

Lockwood. Right there in front of him.

With a damn sniper rifle.

Raglan - the coffee mug exploding in front of his face - the blossom of blood-

Castle sucks in a breath and studies the man's crouch, his steady hands. Lockwood has his cheek against the weapon, his eye at the sight. Castle lifts his own head and scans the warehouse, trying to see what Lockwood sees, trying to-

Oh God, his wife.

He doesn't waste another moment; he feels the air coiling with the tension of a finger against a trigger and he jumps.

Castle hits Lockwood's back with a jolting, contrary force; he feels the weapon go off, but wide as the rifle gets trapped under the assassin. Castle's fist is around the gun Kate gave him, and it cracks into the man's head before he even realizes he's pulled back to swing. He hears it clatter away as he puts his knee into Lockwood's ribs to turn him on his back, and then Castle sucker punches him again, again-

A hand wrapped around his wrist stays him, holds him off.

Castle glances back, finds Kate a little breathless but unharmed, her eyes intent on his.

He drops his arm, looks down at the bloody mess of a face under him.

He didn't feel good about hitting Montgomery, but this-

This feels good.


	46. Chapter 46

Ellie's coat is on her hook. The hook with the duck picture, just like her spot at the table, just like her cubby. Ducks are birds. Birds are gross. But sometimes Ms Kelly says, _Come here, my little duck_, and Ellie thinks that kind of duck must not be a bird. The duck in her picture has blue eyes and a smile.

She drops the coat to the ground like Ms Kelly learned her, the sleeves out, and then she crouches down and slides in first one arm, then the other. When she stands up again, she pulls her arms together and the coat comes on.

Perfect. Every time. When Ellie showed it to Mommy, she was so proud.

But now the buttons. Bottom to top. Through the holes.

Her new teacher takes her by the coat, hands warm under Ellie's neck, and starts at the top, buttoning all the way down, doing it the wrong way.

But there the buttons go, one by one, even so. Huh. Coat buttons can go both ways. What else can go right and be a new way?

"There you go, Ellery. All ready? Go get on the silver line."

Ellie presses her lips to hide her smile and shoves her hat into her pocket since new teacher didn't notice. She runs to the silver line behind Aiden B. and plops down. They all sit on the silver strip where the door is, waiting until everyone is coated up. It is a long wait; she wants to wander back over to the paints and dip her fingers in the purple, put thumb prints all over, all over, the whole page.

But she waits. Because she has some special good news.

Aiden B. leans over and snatches at the end of her hood, but she shifts away from him, glaring. He huffs and turns around to poke James instead. Ellie does not want to get in trouble before recess cause then she can't go find her brother. They will make her play with the little kids instead. She needs to tell Dash her special good news.

"Everyone ready? Stand up, file out," her new teacher says. Ms Kelly is on a trip with Papa cause they are married and Ellie wishes she had her back. She likes being her little duck.

In the line, all the kids go fast for the playground door, accidentally pushing, tripping. Ms Kelly not let people push. Ellie dips a shoulder to slip around Aiden B. and sees the door crack open under the new teacher's hand, the sky outside widening and widening.

The cold wind comes and pinches her cheeks, kisses her nose. Ellie darts around the boys fighting over the tricycles and runs down the sidewalk to the big kids.

Dashiell's teacher calls out for her to be careful, but Ellie already sees her Dash. Him a monkey. On the monkey bars! She jumps and hugs him around the legs, hanging on.

"Dashy! Guess, guess, guess!"

Dash kicks his legs out, drops down to the ground. She grabs him by the neck and hugs so hard.

"Oof, you're choking me. What am I guessing?"

"It's my turn!"

"For what?"

"Show-n-tell. I have it. Mine."

"Tomorrow?" he says, wrapping his arms around her too now and hugging. Dash lifts her up, carries her swinging to the edge of the playground. Then he drops her. She giggles at him and hangs on to his shoulders.

"Tomorrow. I bring mine dragon?" Ellie lifts her eyes to her big brother, squirming on her toes. "Show-n-tell with my dragon?"

"I don't know. Dad-"

"Please. Oh, please. Dashy-"

"Okay, okay."

It's not enough. More. "Promise. Please. I take mine dragon tomorrow. Promise I take him."

"Promise," he says, nodding at her. His hand goes to her coat and re-buttons one that got loose, then grabs her and pushes her to sit on the raised wooden edge of the big kids playground. "But you can't tease Dad about Abe Lincoln. If you do that, you won't be able to take him."

"Mommy will-"

"Nope," Dash says. "Momma can't make him if Daddy thinks it's not a smart idea. Dad is gonna say that kids get scared. That crickets shouldn't be fed in front of kids."

She sighs and her shoulders slump. "But the crickets get gobbled up so cool."

"That's why you gotta be good, Ellie."

"But you make Daddy let me?"

"I can make him." Dash sits down next to her. "You just gotta be quiet, little cricket."

Ellie lifts her eyes to her brother, her chest all tight and excited and her nose cold. She pushes her hair off her face, does like Mommy to hook it over her ears and keep it there. "Yeah? Quiet."

"Yeah. You can do that. Just stay quiet."

"I do that. I be quiet."

Dash stands up again. "Go play with the little kids."

"I not want-"

"You can't play with me, Ellie. The big kids will knock you down."

"You not let 'em." She crosses her arms and sets her jaw. "I play with you."

"I can't stop all the big kids. Sometimes they don't see you - you so little."

"I _not_ little. I not let 'em knock me down. I three!"

"Don't talk like a baby. You talk like a baby and you can't play with me."

"I'm. Three," she says again, shutting her mouth.

"Maybe."

"I can play with you."

Dash's name is called just then and Ellie sees his friend Jessie running to them. Ellery stands up and grabs her brother's hand.

"Please. I play with you. Not little kids. I not get knocked down."

Dash doesn't want to say yes - she sees it in his face, but Ellie is not going back to the dumb playground with the trikes and the plastic crawling tubes and no fun.

"Swing me, Dashy."

"Okay, okay," he gives in, turns to Jessie as she gets closer. "We're swinging with Ellie."

Ellie grins widely. She swing today. With the big kids. And she does get to take her dragon to school tomorrow.

* * *

When it's four and Dad's not here to pick him up, he knows the twisty feeling in his stomach is the thing that's keeping them. Dad hates to leave him and Ella at school when school is over, not long anyway, because he says _That's my job._

Dash finds Ms Kim in the big playroom - the one with the older kids, so Ella isn't here. "Can I call my Dad?"

"Your mom and dad are at work, Dashiell." Ms Kim stops checking her papers at the teacher's desk and givs him a long look. "They told me they have a hard case and they're doing their best on it."

"I know," he says, but he didn't_ know_-know. Sometimes Dad will tell him stuff, but Momma doesn't like to unless he asks over and over and over. But he thought maybe, yeah. Mom gets this face when she's thinking hard and she's had that face for all this week. "I just want to call my Dad."

"Do you want to find Ellery first, maybe?"

He would really like Ellie here. But maybe not if Dad's going to - well. If Ellie's here then he'll have to be good. He'll have to _keep a stiff upper lip_. Which isn't at all like it sounds, except maybe his upper lip would be soft and quivery if he was gonna cry.

"Okay. And then I can call my Dad?"

"Yeah, if you feel like you need to call him, you can call him."

He nods and heads for the door of the playroom, feels Ms Kim's hand on his shoulder; she's laughing. "I'll go get her, Dash. Ms Amy will watch you guys."

Oh. Right. "Okay."

Jessie comes up to him as Ms Kim leaves. "She gonna let you call?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she going?"

"To get Ellie."

"Is Ellie scared?"

"Ellie's never scared." It makes Dash not scared too. He's not scared. He just wants to be sure that Dad is coming. Dad usually comes. "Even if my mom is working, Dad comes to get me."

"My dad always forgets," Jessie says. "Maybe your dad-"

"No."

"Maybe he did. You never know. You said he went to work with the police. I bet that's fun."

"He doesn't forget."

"Does your mom forget?"

"Sometimes."

"Maybe your mom made him forget?" Jessie says, hands on her hips. "Or maybe your dad was on his way here and something really terrible happened."

"No. Cause Momma's a cop and she'd know. She'd come get us."

"Oh. So why are you calling?"

He shrugs. Because he - he wants to call. And his stomach is twisty. He needs to not be here.

Just then, Dash can see Ellie's face through the doorway now; Ms Kim has picked her up and she's peering in, hands cupped over the glass. Dash moves towards the door and then it opens and Ellery slides down from Ms Kim and runs for him.

"Dashy. Mine dragon-"

"I know. I promised." Dashiell leans over and wraps his arms around Ellery, hoisting her up into a big hug. A hug like he needs; she grunts and squeezes hard hard hard, her arms around his back.

"That good? Or more?" Ellie says.

"That's good."

She puts her face to his cheek and smacks him with a kiss, giggling 'cause she thinks it's so funny.

"Ew. Girl germs."

Jessie knocks into his shoulder. "Girls are better than boys."

"Are not-"

"All right," Ms Kim interrupts. "Dash. You still need to make your phone call?"

"Yes, please."

"Come on then. Ellie, you coming too?"

Ellery nods and slips her hand into his, stepping right up at his side. He squeezes back.

Ms Kim leads them out of the playroom and down the long hall, past all the little kids' classrooms, and then into her office. She pulls up two big chairs and then she leans over and picks up Ellery, plops her in the chair. Dash climbs into the chair next to his sister while Ms Kim takes the other one.

"This is my cell phone, and look, I've already got your Dad's number up here. Okay? So all you have to press is-"

Dash reaches over and takes the phone. "I know what to press."

Ms Kim smiles at him. "Go ahead then, Dash."

He presses the green _send_ which he can read, Mom taught him that one a long time ago, and he hears the ringing go on and on, until suddenly it's his Dad's voice.

"Is this you, Dash?"

"Dad?"

"Dash, buddy, what's wrong?"

"Dad, are you coming to pick me up?" he asks, pushing his head back into the chair as it rushes over him. "I want you to come pick me and Ella up from school."

He hears his father's ragged breath, and then a burst of radio crackle, and Dash realizes there's also police sirens and people talking. And now he can't turn it off, now that he hears it.

"Yeah, of course I'm coming to pick you up. I'm helping Mom with something-"

"Why are there so many noises?"

"Ah, you can hear that. Of course."

"Where are you?"

"We're fine."

"When are you gonna come get me?"

"Dash, buddy, we're okay. You're okay. Oh, wait. Mom wants to say something-"

Dash glances to Ellie; she's wriggling like a little worm but she stops when she sees him looking.

"Dashiell."

"Momma."

"Hey, my man."

"Momma you sound scared."

"No. Not scared at all. Just a lot of adrenaline making my engine high. You know?"

"Oh. A high engine sometimes feels scared."

"It does. Or excited. You know? Like in the haunted maze. So scary it's fun?"

"Oh," he sighs out, closing his eyes. Mom is good at this. She always knows what to say. "You had a fun day?"

"I did. It was - it was a really fun day."

"You still sound scared."

"Just your imagination, my wild man."

He takes a longer breath in and out, just like Mom taught him, opens his eyes to see his baby sister looking at him. "Ellie and me want you to come pick us up."

"We'll be there when we can, sweetheart. I tried to send Dad on ahead - I have a lot of work still - but you know Dad. He likes to have fun too."

"I just need my-" Dash stops and swallows. "My dog."

"Oh, yeah. I see. And Ellie probably wants her lizard, huh? You guys miss them."

"Yeah." Yeah, that must be it. He really needs a big hug, the kind that squeeze, maybe even the kind where he lies in the floor and Dad presses his foot down on Dash's back.

"Well, what if I call Rafe and have him come pick you guys up? Is that-"

"Yes, Momma, yes. Do that."

"Okay, okay, baby. Hand the phone to Ms Kim so I can tell her."

* * *

Rafe is nervous. It's stupid, but he's _really_ nervous. Kate called him not twenty minutes ago and asked him to go pick up her kids. He doesn't have a car - Allie's got theirs at work, and so she told him to go to the 12th and take the Audi from the street.

He's gonna get arrested.

He's picking up their kids. Kate called him to pick up her kids from school and drive them home in their car.

He's not worried - it's not like something will happen. It's just when he made the offer to help, whatever they needed, he never expected Kate to actually release enough control to let that happen.

Rafe found the Audi's extra key right where Allie said it would be, and it swings from his fingers as he approaches the car. The 12th Precinct looms overhead, only a block or so from the Castles' car, and he remote unlocks it before he even gets close.

Sliding behind the wheel, Rafe adjusts the seat and then has to nudge it back up again when he realizes it was actually right the first time. He shuts the door, moves the key to the ignition-

and feels like an idiot.

Touch start.

Right.

He pushes the button and the key in his hand gives off a point of green light. He leaves the key in the cupholder, slides on his seatbelt, and looks at the mirrors. These he has to adjust, and then he's moving into traffic slowly.

Time to get the kids. Allie's brother and sister.

He's not sure what's happened, but at least he can help.

* * *

Rafe creeps down the long, circular drive to the back of the church property. He sees the double doors that lead to the preschool and parks in the first spot available. When he gets out of the car, he almost forgets the key, has to catch the door before it slams shut, nearly pinches his fingers.

Not good, Torres. Need those fingers.

He pockets the key and scratches at his scruffy face, glances down at the loose, grubby jeans with cake batter and frosting dried on the knees (why the knees, he has no idea), and then back up to the church.

He also forgot his coat. He does that. Allie will probably find it at home and bring it to him when she gets off work.

Oh well, nothing for it. The kids will know him and that's all that matters.

Rafe heads up the stairs and rings the bell, waiting for someone to open it for him. The woman that comes through the lobby is his mother's age - maybe younger - and she presses an intercom and asks to see his ID.

Whoa. No wonder the Castle kids come here.

Rafe digs into his back pocket and fishes out his wallet, then tugs his ID from the plastic and presses it against the glass.

He gets buzzed in, opens the door, and shakes the woman's hand she's offering.

"Hi. Rafe Torres. I'm - uh, the brother?"

"Kim. And yeah, that's how Kate explained it to me. I've met Allie. She's such a generous person."

He warms, his chest easing, and grins back at the woman. "Yeah, she is. She's amazing."

Rafe gets a pat on his arm for that and a knowing look from Kim. "Come on, Rafe. The kids are back here."

Kim leads him out of the lobby and down the hallway to the left; he peeks in the windows at the classrooms, but most are empty. It's nearly five o'clock, so he supposes it's more day care right now than preschool.

She leads him to a room at the end of the hall and opens the door. Immediately, he spots the Castles playing some elaborate fortress game with a bunch of other kids, both of them looking fierce and intense.

World building, like they usually do. They've roped nearly the whole room of kids into the game, whatever it is, and he can tell from Ellery's body language and Dashiell's commands that the two of them are in charge. They've built their fort (oh, well, their Castle, right?) from all the toys in the place, big soft blocks, smaller cardboard blocks, the stand-up plastic kitchen on one end, a blanket draping another end. Ellery is directing two older kids with a finger, no words, while Dash calls directions to a couple girls who are building an addition.

Ella's three. And yet, she's definitely getting this thing done her way.

"Rafe!" Dashiell notices him first and comes running, barreling into his legs for a head-butt and a hug. "You came to pick me up."

"I did. And your sister. You guys ready to go?"

"Ready," comes a quiet, strong little voice, and Rafe looks up from Dash's hug to see Ella standing there, already dragging her backpack behind her in one hand.

"Okay then. Let's go, guys." He turns to the woman who brought him here. "Nice to meet you, Kim. Thanks."

"No problem. Ellery Kate, you have a wonderful night." She's bending down to kiss the girl's cheeks, and Ella has that proud, awed look on her face at the attention, her arms coming around Kim for a hug. The woman opens an arm to embrace the boy too. "And Dash - be good for your older brother."

Dash gives Rafe a comically shocked look. "You're my brother? Oh. Allie's my sister and you're gonna marry Allie so you're my brother!"

Rafe laughs and takes the backpack from Ellery, slings it over his shoulder. "Yeah, little bro. Go get your stuff so we can go. Ella, want a ride?"

She lifts her arms and he leans down to pick her up, scraping his chin across her cheek. She giggles and claps both hands to his scruffy face, rubbing.

"Here's my stuff," Dash announces and drops it at his feet, then heads for the door without looking back.

Kim stops him with a hand, turns him around gently. "Rafe's arms are kinda full. Why don't you carry your own stuff and be a big help? Let's start with putting on your coat."

"Oh, I can help," Dash agrees easily, grabbing his backpack and coat again. "But do I have to put my coat on?"

Rafe glances at his own coat-less image, winces. "Short walk to the car. So. No, guess not." Rafe shrugs. Would Kate make them? Probably. But Rick wouldn't. "Ella, you gonna be warm enough without your coat on?"

"I'm tough."

He grins and gently knocks his forehead into hers. "Yeah, you are, Ella-bean. Too tough. Then let's go, guys."

And this time, they actually do manage to make it out the door.


	47. Chapter 47

Is it sick that she feels so good?

Lockwood - or whatever his real name is - sits in the back of a SWAT van with his arms and legs shackled, but his mouth firmly shut. She can't begin to care - maybe she wants to not know, on some level, keep her kids safe - but she's buzzing with the takedown, itching for release.

She wants Castle, and a good twenty minutes alone with him - scratch that, she could make it work in ten, if he's rough.

Shit.

Kate scrapes a hand through her hair and leaves the boys in the care of paramedics even as they whine (good sign, the whining, means they're really okay), skirts the open doors of the ambulance, and heads around the perimeter to the bus where they took Castle.

When she steps on the runner and his head comes up, their eyes meet. Hot, twisted, needy - the gaze like a burn.

She's not the only one.

"Hey there, Chuck Norris," she murmurs, her tone belying the coiled intensity in her guts. He gives her a half-hearted smile as she sits across from him, leaning forward onto her knees to capture his wrapped hand with hers.

He's undoing the bandage, wincing, so she takes over, chiding him softly with a sound.

"How's Ryan and Esposito?" he asks.

"Wounded pride. Mild hypothermia. Guess which heals first?" she quirks. "How's the hand?"

"Excruciating," he grunts, but allows her to gently wrap his swollen knuckles.

Kate leans in and presses a kiss to the edge of the bandage, runs her thumbs lightly over her handiwork.

"You went a little - crazy in there."

"He was sighting you down his scope."

She nods. Figured as much. His hair has flopped forward into his eyes, and as the adrenaline and excitement start to recede, her heart pounds too hard and too tender for him, for his beautiful face with that cut above his eye from the Raglan shooting, and now his hand bruised.

"I didn't want you in there," she starts, catches his eyes to silence him when he starts to protest. "But I'm glad you were. Thank you for coming in to work with me today."

Castle reaches for her with his other hand, fingers threading immediately in her hair, palm to her ear, and he tugs her forward into a heavy-handed kiss.

When they break apart, breathing hard, eyes locked, the outside world crashes in - lights from police cruisers paint his face, the clatter of forensics gear, the harsh call of one cop to another, the static of radios.

Kate twists out of his grip and moves for the double doors of the bus, grabs the handles, and bangs them closed. Suddenly they're plunged into the harsh-breath quiet of the ambulance, the heat between them like electricity.

She turns and looks at him, the shadow under his eyes, the hand he's got held against his chest, the grim way he regards her.

Kate slides a knee over his thighs and sits on his lap, hooks her arms at his neck, leveling him with a look.

His eyes, hooded over that ocean blue, track the movement of her chest as it rises and falls; she feels it bloom in her blood like magma, power and awareness and love erupting, choking her, and she leans in to him, puts her mouth at his jaw, teeth scraping.

He bucks against her, his breath caught, and she puts his hand on her.

"Hurry," she urges, rocking her hips into him.

"What about me?" he growls back.

"Soon as we get alone."

"We are alone." His mouth burns her neck, his bite is careless, and she arches.

"Not enough. Not enough for slow. Later. Me first, Castle." She finds her breath again, curls around him.

"Left-handed?" He wriggles his fingers, slides them under her shirt, bare skin blossoming with fire.

She clamps her teeth together to keep back the noises that want to come out, presses closer. "Don't let that stop you," she grits out.

"Does it feel like I'm stopping?"

She mewls and clutches his hips with her knees, feels it washing over her in a wave.

* * *

Castle makes her go out first, that smug and self-satisfied look on his face, and when she steps down onto the pavement to give him some time, Esposito and Ryan are standing right there, macho postures, eyebrows raised, smirking.

"Shut up," she mutters.

"How's Castle's. . .hand?" Esposito says, mouth twitching.

She can't help herself. "Heavenly."

Ryan chokes and claps his hands over his ears; she notices that the blue tinge to his lips has faded, but his cheeks and the tip of his nose are angry red with cold burns.

"Gross, Beckett," Esposito says.

"No, it really is," Castle says, coming up behind her. "They gave me some drugs. I'm swimming."

Kate smirks and glances over her shoulder at him, sexy man, looking rough and rugged and pleased with himself. If a little rushed. She needs to get him home.

"You guys need a ride?" she says.

"Lanie's here," Espo says, shaking his head.

"Oh damn," Kate mutters, pressing her fingertips to her mouth. "She's gonna kill me for not telling her."

"Wasn't any time to tell her," Castle mutters. "I think she'd rather we didn't waste a second. Good thing we didn't too, because-"

"Shut it, Heavenly Hand," Esposito says. "And yeah, she ain't happy."

"Ryan, you want to go with us or-"

"With you. Most definitely," he says, his ears pink as he regards them. "If you guys aren't. . .uh. . ."

"What?" Kate deadpans, staring him down.

"Nothing. Yeah. Yes. Need a ride."

"Always bailing you guys out," Castle sighs, shaking his head.

Esposito punches his shoulder, but it degrades into a bro-hug, the slapping on each other's backs, the chest bump with clasped hands, both clearing their throats to get past the choke of tears.

Beckett looks away, her eyes landing on Ryan's, and she sees it there too, ignores it.

"So. I guess a pool time play date with Collin and Ian is out?"

"What if the pool is heated?" Castle adds.

Ryan's laughter is strangled, but it's there. That's all she asks.

* * *

Castle watches her drive, glad it's her and not him because he's still trembling - maybe with need, maybe with their close call. But either way, he's having trouble staying with it. His eyes keep tracking to hers in the rear view mirror - Ryan is up front, silent, the whole car silent. Every time their eyes meet, he can feel it between them, electric and tight and overwhelming.

He can barely breathe with it.

He should do what he does best - talk, fill up the silence, keep them distracted. But he can't even think of words in the right order; he wants only to bury his nose in Kate's neck, her hair a curtain, and wrap his arms around her.

Kate pulls up as close as she can get to the Ryans' place; Kevin is already unbuckling his seat belt and tugging open his door. Castle moves to switch places with him, stopping on the sidewalk to give Ryan a manly thump on the back before he gets in the car again.

He and Kate both watch Ryan disappear inside, and he realizes after a moment that it's been too long; they're still sitting here.

"Kate?"

"That was too close. That was too close, Castle, and we didn't even _do_ anything."

"We saved their lives. We arrested the guy who shot Raglan-"

"No," she says quickly. "No, I mean, we were just looking for Jolene. We were just doing routine detective work. It wasn't even. . ."

"It was unexpected," he supplies, turning his head away from the Ryans' front door to look at his wife. "Out of the blue."

"It was," she says quietly. "I expected - the dead drop, or the hotel suite - I expected a confrontation there. Not this one. I didn't see it coming."

"How could you?" he murmurs.

"How could I?" she echoes, and in her words he hears the real question - how can they possibly anticipate the moves of this force, this evil that has haunted her since her mother's murder? It is unknowable. And infinitely more dangerous than they knew.

"I don't know," he answers, because there is no answer, and for the first time in a long time, he's failed to find the words that will mean something to her.

* * *

"Keep it together," she murmurs, and she's not talking to him, she's reminding herself.

Castle shoots her a look over his shoulder even as he unlocks the door with his key; he twists it open and ushers her inside, letting her go first.

"We're home," he calls out, his keys hitting the entry table.

It's late, and she's moved from buzzed to sated to morbid in a matter of hours. She can't help thinking about all the ways this could have gone wrong today, even though it didn't, and she wishes she hadn't needed him quite so much. If her husband hadn't been there-

"Mommy!"

Kate catches sight of Ellery at the top of the stairs, her breath catching as the little girl practically flies down the steps, no hand on the railing, likely to break her neck.

"Careful, baby girl," she calls out, dropping her keys and her bag in the entryway and moving to the bottom of the stairs. She catches Ella on the leap from the second to last step, hugs her daughter hard, giving her kiss after kiss along her cheeks and forehead.

Ellery is giggling and squirming, and Castle is moving past her to go on up the stairs, but Kate can't stop, can't control the need to wipe away the whole day with how sweet and stubborn and beautiful her kids are.

"Mommy I did make dinner!"

"You did?" she murmurs, not really hearing it, kissing her daughter's exalting face. "You made dinner. Oh." She laughs. "You made dinner? With Rafe?"

"For you and Daddy."

"Oh, that's very sweet, baby girl. Thank you so much." Kate kisses her one last time and lets Ella get down. Her daughter takes her by the hand and leads her into the kitchen.

"See?"

"Where's Rafe and Dash?"

"Upstairs. We all playing. But see my dinner I did make?"

Kate glances at the stove, but Ellery is pointing towards the microwave. "Okay, let's see what you made us." She opens the microwave and smells something amazing, hidden in a covered casserole dish. "Oh, wow. What is that?"

"I not know."

Kate suppresses her grin and turns serious eyes to her daughter. "You did such a good job. It smells wonderful."

"You eat now?"

"I - um - Daddy. Let me go get Daddy and say hi to your brother. Brothers." Heh. Brothers. Jeez, she's got to get it together.

"Then you eat my dinner?" Ellery uses both hands to push her hair out of her eyes, so fierce, so fervent as she regards her mother.

"Yes, baby. Dad and I are both starving. We'd love to eat the dinner you helped make."

"Come on, Mommy. Let's go get him," Ellery says, relish in her voice as she grabs Kate's hand and tugs her towards the stairs again.

"Ella."

The girl gives her a look over her shoulder as if to say, _What now?_. Kate grins and leans over, scoops her daughter up into her arms for a tight squeeze.

"I love you, cricket."

"Love you too, Mommy. Of course."

Of course.

And now Kate can finally take a deep breath.

* * *

Castle gets tackled the moment he opens Dashiell's door. The kid hangs off his thigh, chatty and grinning, the words too fast for his father to really follow, but Castle leans over and manhandles him into his arms, hugs him hard.

"Dad, whoa, too tight-" Dash chokes out. Probably a first.

Castle laughs and releases him, lets him bounce on the bed in his fall. Dashiell grins and slips to the floor even as Rafe is getting to his feet.

They shake hands at first - Rafe with his hand held out like that - but Castle pulls the young man into a quick, one-armed hug.

"Thanks. Thank you."

"Any time," Rafe answers. "Seriously."

"Family," Castle adds, a promise, gripping Rafe's hand tighter before letting go. "Still. We appreciate it. It's not going to make you late for work?"

"I have plenty of time."

Castle nods to himself, glances down at Dash. The dog is waiting his turn for a greeting, sedate as usual but with that slow-wagging tail (and damn if Kate didn't do an amazing job picking out that dog for Dash, just perfect for the kid, for their family). Castle leans over and scratches Rex behind the ears, smooths his hand over the dog's head, down his neck, pats him on the back.

"Good dog," he murmurs, gets a lazy lick at his jaw for it.

"Dad, me and Rafe made this. Isn't it cool?" Dash interrupts, coming between his father and his dog to tug on Castle's attention. "Look, Dad."

"Very cool," Castle answers automatically, and then finally looks at the Lego construction his kid has made. "Oh, whoa. You did this?"

"Me and Rafe," Dash admits, shrugging a shoulder and flicking his finger over the swinging door of the spaceship. "It's like a space cowboy's ship."

"I can tell," Castle answers, impressed. How long have the two of them been up here playing with Legos? "It's pretty awesome. What's this part?"

"Gun."

"And this?" Castle says, moving his finger to the other turret.

"Gun."

"This one?

"Gun."

Castle presses his lips together to keep from smiling, glances up to see Rafe hiding his own grin. "And this thing here?" he asks, indicating an indention with a kind of window in it.

"That's the window. For when they gotta stick their gun out and shoot."

"Ah. Of course."

At that moment, Kate and Ellery come through the open doorway, Ella practically beaming in her mother's arms. They trade kids, Ellery switching to him without comment, and Kate hugging Rafe around the neck before dropping on the floor with Dash to admire the Legos.

"Hey, cricket. You miss me?" he says, nuzzling Ella's neck with his nose before blowing a raspberry against her skin.

She giggles and claps both hands to his cheeks, eyes closing. "No, no, Daddy."

"No?" he gasps, pretending to be shocked. "No? You didn't miss me at all?"

"No, no! No tickling, no tickling," she shrieks, even as his fingers dig into her knees for that deep squeeze that always does it.

"This is what you get for not even _missing_ your poor old dad."

"You not poor," she gasps out, still giggling. "Dashy say you gots all kinds of money."

He laughs at that, kisses her cheek with a smack. "That's the one you find contention with? Poor? Because really, Daddy is not that old either."

"Mommy say you are."

"Oh-ho, Kate Beckett, the truth comes out," he says loudly, turning to look at his wife in the floor with their son.

"What?" she says, grinning up at him. Dash is trying to make an additional spot for a gun while Rafe apparently tries to talk him out of it.

"You tell our kids that I'm old."

"Well you are. Older than me. Oldest one in the room."

Castle feels Ella's little fingers at his cheeks and glances back at her. "Mommy is so mean," he stage whispers.

Ellery nods slowly, like she's entrusting him with a solemn and heavy piece of truth. "Mommy says it. But she not mean. She is mommy."

"She is mommy. You are so right," Castle sighs. "I know. But guess what?"

"What?"

"I love Mommy even when she's mean."

"Like even when Dash is mean?"

"Yup, I love Dash even when he's mean too."

"I not mean."

Castle laughs at that, feels Kate coming to stand next to him. She brushes a kiss over his cheek that makes electricity spark through him, a jolt down to his bones, and then she's biting at his ear.

"I'll show you mean."

How fast can he hustle the kids into bed and get Rafe outta here?


	48. Chapter 48

"Mom?"

Kate turns and finds her son standing at the foot of the stairs, determined even in his hesitant voice. Ellery is right behind him, both kids in pajamas, freshly bathed, Dash's hair sticking up in the back. She finishes dishing out the meal that Rafe made for them - something with new potatoes and cheese and chicken which he said was his mother's recipe. Potato tortillas? She can't remember.

"What's up, guys?"

Castle is catching up on Black Pawn work in the study while she gets dinner ready, and she puts their plates on the table and then turns around for her kids. Both are silent and studying her.

"Okay, that's an intense look, buddy," she says with a little laugh, but dread is trickling through her chest. She comes to the stairs and reaches out to Dash's hair, hoping to lay it down.

He ducks before her fingers can make it and he takes a step up the stairs, gaining some height, both kids now with one hand on the rail and watching her.

"Ellery has show and tell tomorrow," Dash says finally.

"Oh?" Kate lifts a grin to her daughter and holds out her hands to the girl. Ellery comes in a heartbeat, vaulting herself into her mother's arms. "How special. What are you going to bring?"

"She wants to bring Abe Lincoln," Dash informs her.

Oh.

"Well-"

"Please. I do want my dragon," Ellery says pitifully, her big blue eyes limpid and warm on her mother's.

"Baby, I'm not sure it's feasible-"

"Mom."

Kate glances up at her son, his serious and intent little face, the so very _adult_ way he regards her. She has a breathless vision of him in fifteen years, keys in hand, calling her name just like that in an effort to forestall her objections.

Like he knows. Like he knows all about her.

And he's only five.

God.

"She needs to take Abe Lincoln," Dashiell says, quiet and reserved and his voice has that tint to it that Castle's gets when he knows he's right and he doesn't even have to be arrogant or witty or clever about it - he's just going to lay it out there and then he will help her deal.

"She needs to," Kate repeats, her daughter on her hip now making little sighing sounds as she leans her head against her mother's shoulder.

"She does."

"Did something happen at school today?" Kate asks, reaching a hand out to her son and this time snagging him by the back of the neck so he can't get away from her. He leans into her touch and then comes down the stairs and to her thigh with a hug, his arms around her.

"No."

Hm, okay. "I'm not sure how Dad is going to feel about the dragon going to school," she answers.

Ellery stiffens in her arms and presses her face into Kate's shoulder, quiet and stubborn in her silence. Great. Not what she was looking to do, push the girl back into wordlessness.

And to be fair to Castle- "Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it either. Remember, Ella, how we're supposed to keep him clean and wash our hands and take good care of Abe Lincoln? Like he's your baby."

"I not hurt him," Ella cries out, her face lifting with a mixture of furious and despairing.

Whoa. "Okay, okay." She curls both arms around Ellery, letting go of Dash to do it, and sees her son's look - resignation and a little bit of _I told you so_. Jeez, he is getting so old, right in front of her eyes. And if that's attitude, they are having a talk.

"What's all this?" Castle says, coming in at that moment from the study. "Ellery, did you get in trouble?"

"No," Dash answers and slips past Kate to knock his head into his father's thigh. "She has show and tell for school and Mom says no."

Kate flashes her son a dark look for that succint and entirely false summary. "Dash."

He shrugs, entirely unrepentant, and Castle leans over to take Ellery from her arms. Ella goes to him with a little held-back cry, strangled because she's fighting tears so hard, but the girl buries her face in her father's neck and wraps both arms around him.

Castle looks totally thrown and Kate sighs, sinks back onto the fifth or sixth step on the stairs, tugs Dashiell with her. "Ellery has show and tell, yes. But she wants to take Abe Lincoln, and I'm not sure-"

"No." Castle says, shaking his head.

Ellery lets out a growl and struggles down; Castle lets her go, and the girl races to the stairs, tries to get past Kate, dart away. Her face is screwed up, tears already glistening on her cheeks, and Kate snatches at her, but her daughter is too fast.

"Okay, guys," Kate says, looking over her shoulder at Castle. "Scatter. I need to talk to Ella."

Castle gives her a bewildered look, but she chases after Ellery, gesturing to him to get Dash who looks like he wants to come after them.

"Take the kid-"

Castle grabs Dash by the hand and leads him towards the study; Kate focuses on hunting down her hiding daughter.

Kate sees the flash of her little legs as she disappears into her room, comes around the corner to silence. She flicks the bedspread up but the girl isn't underneath, so Kate slowly turns in a circle, debating her choices.

She finally finds Ellery in her closet, pushed back into the corner, trying not to cry. Almost successfully.

"Ella," she murmurs, but crawls into the closet with her, cramming her hips into the narrow space left beside her daughter.

Ellery turns her face to the wall, hunched over, trying to be so strong. Trying not to cry.

"It's okay, Ellery," she murmurs, reaching out a hand and gently stroking the hair back from her face. Sticky and damp. Kate gets her fingers underneath Ella's shoulder and tugs the girl into her.

She resists at first, of course she does, and then she's turning suddenly and curling into Kate with a growling, sucked-in whimper, her face mashed against Kate's chest.

"Soak through my shirt, baby girl," she murmurs, resting her chin on top of Ellery's head. "It's okay. _U redu je. Imam te. _Cry if you need to."

Ellery still keeps a tight control over it, but her little body shakes and despite herself, Kate can feel the dampness against her skin. She bows over the girl, putting her lips to Ella's forehead, sliding a thumb under a tear and brushing it away.

"This has been a big week, I know. I hurt my hand, Dash has felt bad about it, and then Daddy and I keep having to go in to work. And now you're tired and you haven't gotten a lot of sleep the past few nights-"

"I - not - not tired," Ellery whimpers, and then grits her teeth and presses her face harder into her mother. Kate can feel the hard ridge of her forehead, the softer line of her nose, and then the biting edge of her teeth. "Not tired."

"Yes you are, _moja ljubav_," Kate answers. "That's why you can't help crying. Just sit with me and calm down a little bit, okay? Then we can talk about show and tell and get it all worked out so that you're not so terribly disappointed."

"Dash say."

"I don't know what Dash said, baby, but Daddy and I will make this decision, okay? We'll talk with you about it."

"Dash talk."

"No. Little cricket, _you_ are going to talk, _moje zlato_."

She gets only the sucked-in breaths, the hiccup of her little body against Kate's chest. She rubs her hand up and down Ellery's back, waiting for it to subside.

"Let me tell you a Beckett story," Kate starts, keeping their bodies close.

Ellery sucks in another long breath, but one of her arms uncurls and hangs at Kate's side, slowly relaxing, her fingers twisting in her mother's shirt.

"When you were a little baby, I used to cuddle with you just like this."

Ella sucks in another breath and sighs out a longer one.

"You were so small, so tiny. You were an early baby so you didn't get to fatten up like Dash did." Kate strokes the damp hair away from Ellery's face, sees the flicker of interest that comes and goes. "Daddy used to say you were too skinny to stay warm; he always wanted to hold you and make sure you weren't cold."

"Daddy," Ellery breathes.

"Mm-hm. Daddy kept you from getting cold. We spoiled you, because you were our little baby girl, and you needed us. I put you against my chest, just like you are now-"

"Not little."

"No," Kate says softly, smiling into her daughter's hair. "Not so little now. But you know what happened if we tried to put you down?"

Ellery stirs; she knows this story.

"You mewled like a little baby cat," Kate murmurs, kissing the wet spot at Ella's cheek, scraping another tendril of damp hair from her skin.

Ellery gives a breathless little sigh at that; her body slumps deeper into Kate's.

"I'd go to put you down for a nap, or to play on the floor with your brother, and you'd look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes and make such pitiful noises."

"Pitiful," Ellery echoes.

"Yeah," Kate grins. "You didn't cry, you didn't yell. When Dash was a baby, he cried all the time; he pitched big fits, with great big crocodile tears. He let everyone know he wasn't happy."

"I not cry."

"Not very much at all," Kate agrees. "Just those mewling noises. Daddy wouldn't let me call you kitten."

"Not a kitten."

"No, you're not, _mala svraka_. But one day, you know what you did instead?"

"What I do?" Ellery says, turning her face into Kate's chest to press her cheek at her mother's shoulder. Her arms are loose now, her body hypnotized by the story.

"You started chirping like a little cricket. All the time. Not just when you didn't want to be put down, but when you woke up from a nap or when you wanted your daddy's attention. When Dash looked in on you in your crib, you made those chirping noises, and when I'd come home from work, you'd chirp chirp chirp at me. I loved it so much."

"Cricket," Ella sighs. "I a cricket."

"You are, my baby girl. Just like a cricket."

"_Kako ti reći_ cricket?"

Kate startles, stares down at her daughter, can't figure out why she's still so shocked when the girl pulls out full sentences in Croatian or French. They spend a lot of time at the Serbian community center, and reading books in French, and her little baby is a sponge for languages, just like Kate.

"Mommy?" Ellery says, lifting her head to look at Kate. "_Kako-"_

_"_I - no I - heard you. Cricket has a couple different words. _Popac_ or _cvrčak. _Probably _cvrčak._ "

"_Cvrčak_," Ellery repeats, then lays her head back down to Kate's shoulder. "_Hvala_, Mommy."

"_Molim_. You're welcome, my smart girl."

"Mommy?" she says, quieter this time.

"Yeah."

"My dragon?"

Oh, yes. "You really want to bring him for show and tell, don't you? You had you heart set on it."

"My heart," Ellery gives out, her voice trembling. "All mine heart."

"Oh, what dramatics, baby. You sound like Dash." That earns her a flickering grin, the roll of Ella's head up to look at her mother. "Uh-huh. Let's talk about this, okay?"

"Okay."

"We can't move that terrarium - it's really big and awkward."

"I carry him."

"We don't want him to get squished. Maybe a shoebox just for tomorrow." She feels Ellery's body tense with expectation, hope, and she sighs. "Sweetheart, we can't leave him at school all day. He needs his home, a familiar place."

Ellery is silent to this, and Kate really hates it when she does that. At the same time, she knows just how desperately Ella wants to show off her dragon.

It's totally not fair to Castle to send him with the girl tomorrow, keep up with the lizard he doesn't even like to _look_ at, let alone handle and touch and corral. And it's not fair to ask the teacher to do that either.

Kate would do it, but tomorrow - Lockwood and the Raglan case and-

Ellery lets out a choked noise at Kate's neck, and it works, damn it. It works.

"Okay, sweetheart, okay, let me think about this. I - I don't know how we'll work it. I need to talk to Daddy about it, but we'll see if we can figure something out. Maybe I'll come up to your school with Abe Lincoln, right when you have show and tell time."

Ellery is so still, so tense in Kate's arms, like she expects the offer to be taken away.

Just then Kate hears the loud thumps of male feet on the stairs and smiles against Ella's cheek. "You hear Daddy and Dash? I bet Dash is getting ready for bed. It's late. You should too."

"I can stay here?"

Kate leans her head back against the wall of the closet, fighting sudden weariness. "No, _ljubavi._ You can't stay in the closet."

Ellery gives another sucked-in breath of a sigh, then pulls her arms in and curls up tighter against Kate. "Not the closet." Her voice is so quiet. "Here, Mommy."

Oh. Oh, sweet girl. "In my lap?"

Ellery nods against her.

"Well." She chews her lower lip. "Daddy and I still haven't showered or eaten dinner, and you guys need some sleep. I have to talk to Daddy about tomorrow."

Ellery's answer to that is to curl in even tighter.

Kate drops her cheek to the top of Ella's head, strokes her fingers through the girl's hair. She knows her daughter is angling to sleep in their bed tonight, trying to get it without sacrificing her pride and asking for it, but Castle will absolutely kill her if she offers. She promised him _later._

"How about you come with me to say good-night to Dash? Then maybe Daddy and I can take you downstairs while we shower and eat, see if you can fall asleep on the couch?"

"I say night-night to Dash," Ellery murmurs. "I can sleep downstairs. I sleep so hard, Mommy."

"That's right, Ella. You're a good sleeper."

* * *

"Where'e mine Ellie?" Dash says petulantly.

"I don't know," Castle answers, lifting the kid into his bed next to Rex. "Did you and Rafe take Rex out before dinner?"

"We did. He had a huge poop. Rafe made gaggy faces as he scooped it up."

Castle laughs along with his son, slides the comforter and sheets out from under him. "Goofball. Get in bed."

"I am in bed."

"Lie down," he says instead, rolling his eyes.

At that moment, the light from the hallway shifts, and then Kate comes into the darkened room. Castle turns his head and sees Ellery in her arms.

"Look, Dash. There's your sister."

"Hey, Ellie. You need me?"

Well that's entirely adorable. And can't last. But Ellery leans out from her mother's arms and Dash stands back up, wraps his sister in an embrace. Ellery gives him a sloppy kiss, so she must be feeling better.

Which means Kate probably promised to let her take the damn lizard to school tomorrow.

Castle sighs and nudges the kids away from each other before it can get nasty, pushes Dashiell back into bed. "Say good-night."

Kate brushes a hand through their son's hair. "Night, Dash."

"Night, Ellie. Night, Dad. Night, Momma."

"Night, my man," Castle says, cutting him off in his litany of good-nights (it can last thirty minutes if he's allowed to go on unchecked) and then Castle flips the covers over him. He and Kate have a _later_ to get to.

But when he leans over and jostles Dash on the bed, kisses his cheek as he giggles, and then walks out of the kid's bedroom, Kate comes out and brings Ellery with her.

He raises an eyebrow.

"I told Ellery she can talk with us about show and tell tomorrow, and then try to sleep on the couch while we eat dinner."

"I kinda thought we might skip. . ."

"Castle," she warns.

He sighs. "Yeah."

"Later," she murmurs, and leans in to kiss his cheek.

He'll take what he can get, of course, and he gives in to Kate with a sigh, glancing at his entirely too-awake daughter. But she's got tear tracks down her cheeks and a brittle, fierce way about her that makes his heart soften.

"Come here, Ellery Kate," he murmurs and holds his hands out to her. She comes easily, burying her head against his shoulder, curling in tightly like Dash used to do when he was a baby.

"Let me go reheat our dinner," Kate murmurs. "We'll eat on the couch, see if she nods off. Then you and me. . ." When she trails off, gives him a hopeful look, he can't help but roll his eyes at her and agree.

"Sure, Kate." But he doesn't think they'll be having that _later._


	49. Chapter 49

Ellery falls asleep on his chest as he eats one-handed, the plate balanced on the couch cushion next to him. Kate keeps leaning forward and snagging his glass of wine from the coffee table when he needs it, and the whole day starts to slough off.

After an hour, both of them mindlessly eating a late dinner, he tilts his head back against the couch and closes his eyes, listening to the silence, his daughter heavy and sweaty against him in her sleep.

"What are you doing up, buddy?" comes Kate's soft voice.

He refuses to open his eyes, feels instead the brush of Kate's body as she steps over him, heading for the stairs where Dash must be.

There's the murmur of Dashiell's answer, and then Kate's quiet tones. But he can always hear her perfectly, no matter what she says or how low she pitches her voice.

"Baby, it's bedtime. Ellery is asleep too."

Dash hates to be left out; he has such trouble falling asleep in part because he wants to be out here, in the middle of it, so Ella being downstairs with her parents has got to be driving Dash crazy.

Kate's voice again. "No, baby. Turn around and go to bed."

He should help, but he is worn out. Ellery's mouth is open against his chest, not quite snoring but definitely breathing heavy. He lifts his hand and lays it over her back, palm to her thin shoulder, keeps his eyes closed.

"I'm not arguing with you, Dashiell. Go to bed. Ellery will be right behind you."

Castle sighs and drops his feet off the coffee table, opens his eyes. Yeah, there's Dashiell at the top of the stairs, Kate standing on the first floor and looking up at him, her hands on her hips.

He wraps both arms loosely around his daughter and sits forward slowly, being careful not to wake Ellery. She doesn't even alter her breathing, goes on slumbering as if she was never crying in her closet. He sighs and gets up, comes to the stairs.

"Dashiell Alexander," he warns, his voice dark with sleep and dangerous with no-nonsense. Dash's eyes snap to his father.

"Dad-"

He starts up the stairs with Ella in his arms and Dashiell scampers back, disappears down the hallway and hopefully back in bed.

"Does he get tucked in again?" Kate asks from below.

"No." Castle shakes his head at her. When did _she_ get to be the softie? "I'll put Ella to bed, join you in a minute." What he means is, there's no need for her to come upstairs.

Dash isn't in the upstairs hall, so he assumes the kid scampered back to bed.

Ellery's room is dark, the terrarium shines strangely in the light of the girl's ladybug lamp. He switches the color to green from blue, just for the heck of it, and then lowers his daughter to her bed. She snuggles into her pillow and curls up tightly.

Castle slides the sheets out from under her, pulls the purple comforter up from the foot of the bed, covers her, tucking it in under her chin. She wants to bring her lizard to school tomorrow, and he's not thrilled with the idea, but if Kate's the one messing with it-

What does it matter to him? His daughter loves dragons and Japanese cartoons and fierce things and has a soft spot for a leathery creature she named Abe Lincoln. With his help. The loving dragons part might also have happened with his help, if he's being honest. So.

He's so tired. He can't think about this right now. Tomorrow.

Rick drops a kiss on Ella's cheek, strokes his hand down her hair, and then heads for the door.

In the hall, he debates just leaving it alone, but he can't. He moves towards Dashiell's room and pushes open the door. The dog's eyes glow, and it's a sure bet that Dashiell is still wide-eyed and waiting.

"Dash," he tries out and hears the boy move in the bed. He still can't quite see, but he makes his careful way over to his son's side.

"Sorry," Dashiell breathes out. Now Castle can make him out, one leg out from under the covers, a hand on his dog's neck.

"Ellery's in her bed. You're in yours. Stay that way," he says, but he leans over and cups the back of Dashiell's neck, squeezes in both warning and forgiveness.

Dash slings one arm around his father's, keeps him there for just an instant longer. Castle lets him, hovers until Dash relaxes again, then releases him and stands up.

"I won't tell you again, son."

And then he leaves Dashiell to sleep or not sleep, whatever the case may be. Castle is too weary to care, but at least he's certain his kid will stay put.

* * *

When he gets back to their room, Kate is sitting on the side of the bed in her shirt and underwear, her head in her hands. He pauses in the threshold and she lifts her face to look at him, blinking.

"I gotta shower," she murmurs.

"Me too," he adds, shuffling into the room and unbuckling his belt as he goes. When he pulls it out, she reaches up and hooks her fingers in his belt loop, stands up, swinging into him a little. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and she leans against him, sighing.

Castle abandons his attempt to undress and just holds her at his side, his chin resting on the top of her head, breathing with her. Just breathing.

He doesn't know how long it goes on; he zones out, just glad to have the chance to hold her at all, just grateful for the rest. After a good long while, she lifts her head and presses her mouth to his neck, completely surprising him.

"Kate?"

"Let's shower, Rick."

Oh. Together. Okay.

* * *

She likes his body. She loves his body, but she really likes it too.

There's a difference there that she's too tired to figure out.

Kate slowly works loose each button of his dress shirt, not in any hurry, not erotic, just doing the job for him because his hands hang at his sides and his eyes are grey with exhaustion. She knows he wants her, she feels that too, but she's not sure he _wants_ to want her.

Her lips quirk and her thumb brushes his abdomen accidentally; his skin ripples and his hand catches at hers. She shakes him free and pushes the shirt off his shoulders.

Clad only in her bra and panties, mismatched as they are, Kate works at the button of his pants, slides her hands under the waistband to help loosen them. He does the rest, giving her a look she can't interpret (except maybe just _stop, Beckett_ and he rarely ever says that, so maybe that's why it's so unfamiliar).

She kisses him softly, just lips and warmth, her hands curled at his chest, before she pushes away and turns to the shower, angling for heat.

Castle has shed his boxers when the water is ready; he pops the strap of her bra as he moves past her and into the spray. Kate feels her smile flickering to life, and slips out of her underwear, leaving it in a pile with his.

She really loves his body.

She's tall, but Castle, in comparison, is so big. She likes that, likes the length of him at her side, the breadth of his shoulders filling the doorway, the width of his leg next to hers on the couch. He's a warm, funny wall.

"Stop staring at me and start washing your hair, Beckett."

She snaps back to reality with a huff of surprise, reaches out for the shampoo automatically. He's halfway through his shower, apparently, and soaping his chest with his silly little loofah, but it makes him smell crisp and edible.

She's made the mistake of tasting that soap before; she won't do it again. Still, she does lean in and press her nose to his collarbone, breathe deep.

"Don't lick me," he warns.

She laughs, a breath of humid air in her lungs. "I was thinking just that."

"Not licking me or licking me?"

"Both actually. Because I'd really like to, but it would be a mistake."

"I disagree," he says, bringing a soapy arm up to her shoulders as if to hang on, fingers curled at her spine. "Licking me is never a mistake."

"I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth all day."

"Okay, see, gotta be specific. Licking soap is a mistake. Licking me is not."

"Thank you for that clarification."

He grunts at that and she smiles into his skin, her eyes drifting shut. She could sleep right here, standing up, and at the same time, she is restless for him, for what they half-started in the back of the ambulance-

"Oh jeez, Castle. I let you touch me in an ambulance."

"You not only let me, you begged me."

"I did," she groans, burying her face in his chest.

He laughs again, his arms wet around her back, slick with soap. "I do believe you described it as heavenly."

She winces. "And Espo's not gonna let that one go."

"Well, I have dirt on him too."

"I don't want to know," she says quickly when it looks like he's going to actually _tell her_ dirty stuff about Lanie and Tio.

"You know what I like best sometimes?"

"What?" she asks, startled by the change in subject. Please let it be a change in subject.

"I like being close to you."

"Pretty close right now," she murmurs. But she shifts even so, nudging her thigh between his, sliding both arms at his waist, keeping her head at his chest as the water beats down against her back.

She should really wash the shampoo out of her hair, put in conditioner, go through the whole thing. But he's right. Being close is nice. Skin on skin, the wall of him around her.

"You done in here?"

"What?" he murmurs, and she can feel him rouse again, come back to her from wherever he went. "Yeah. I'm done."

Then it's time to get out; she has plans for him.

Preferably before either of them fall asleep.

* * *

Rick can't help but watch her, tracking the way the water slides down her skin as she raises her arms to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. He's supposed to be pushing the shower door open and getting his towel and going to bed, but instead he's standing here watching her body and wanting her and not knowing what to do about it.

He is so damn tired. He feels old. Today made him feel old, and now he can feel his hand throbbing like crazy and he just wants - he just wants her. He needs his wife.

And now he's being pitiful in his own head.

She shuts off the water and comes closer to him, her fingers brushing his waist in an effort, apparently, to get him moving. But she doesn't push; she lets him watch, lets him stand there.

"Hey."

"Hey," he murmurs back.

"I like it when you want to be close," she says softly. She's so beautiful. It makes him feel so strong when she's looking at him like that.

She almost died. Lockwood had her in his scope's sight and she almost - Esposito and Ryan too - it could've been so much worse today. But it wasn't. Because he was there. He saved her life, but more than that - he saved _their_ life. Their life together. He made it possible for Dash to stay a momma's boy, for Ellery to keep that quiet little giggle. He saved his family, protected his family. He did that.

"Mm," she breathes out, stepping in and snaking her arms around his neck. "There we go." Her hips glance against his and she gives him a wicked grin.

"Thought you'd be tired," he says quietly, steam swirling between them.

"I promised, Castle. I don't break my promises."

He chuckles into her mouth and catches her lip with his teeth, pulling back a little. She chases after him but he puts a hand to her jaw, his thumb at the swallow of her neck, stills her.

"What?" she says. He loves the way her eyes grow so dark, dissolving in a solution of desire. His favorite sight - Kate Beckett panting after him. But damn, he is tired.

"I'd - love to," he starts, then sighs. "But I think the moment my head hits the pillow, I'm gonna be worthless."

She strokes his hip with her fingers, her eyes so gentle even in the midst of all that heat, and she caresses the side of his face with her other hand, making his body respond despite him feeling so damn tired.

She puts her mouth to his jaw. "Come lie down with me, baby. I'll do all the work."


	50. Chapter 50

Kate wakes up tired and sore, feels bruised and doesn't know why, but she's trapped by his body, pinned to the mattress.

It's still late. Or early yet, something. She flexes a foot and hears her ankle pop, then realizes her soreness is from that kick, taking the guard down yesterday. This afternoon. Whatever time it is, was.

She turns her head and Castle is on the pillow next to her, his breath rushing across her forehead and stirring her hair. She smiles into that slack-jawed face, reaches up and caresses his cheek, lifts her mouth to his upper lip for a stolen kiss.

And then she wriggles out, makes her way to the bathroom. If her body hurts, she wonders how Castle's hand feels. She's still too exhausted to wake him up and insist on tylenol for the swelling, but she might wish she had, come morning. He's gonna be annoying.

And alive. And hers. So that's okay.

She washes her hands when she's finished, splashes water on her face to get rid of the gritty feeling behind her eyes. She's restless and her body is both worn out and also strangely on edge; she doesn't know why. Maybe it was the sex, or maybe it's just knowing that she has to deal with Lockwood in the morning.

And then take a lizard up to the preschool. Hm, interesting day.

To take the edge off, Kate moves through their bedroom and down the hall, avoiding the study for some reason she can't understand right now, and then towards the living room and the stairs leading up.

The work of putting one foot on each step and pushing her body is enough to do it; she's feeling the exhaustion when she gets to the second floor, but she keeps going, heads to the kids' rooms. Her hands are shaking with it - but she doesn't know if _it_ is just her weariness or something else.

Dashiell first, since he's the one who had trouble earlier. Kate eases his door open and slips inside, waiting for her eyes to adjust. The dog is asleep, she can tell, because he's on the floor. He always slips off the bed sometime in the middle of the night to get better sleep. Dashiell is curled up in the corner near the wall, like he's huddling into the warm spot left by Rex.

Kate steps closer, slides around the dog to see the steady rise and fall of Dashiell's body in the bed. She doesn't bend down to kiss him, doesn't try to touch him, even though she would like to. He'd wake up probably, or she'd disturb his sleep just enough to throw him off and have him getting up at four in the morning.

She leaves him sleeping, the sheet and comforter twisted around his legs, just as he is. She walks quickly down the hall, wincing as her ankle rolls again - she might have done something when she kicked that guy. When she gets to Ella's door, it's still open and she can see inside from the hall.

Ellery doesn't stir when Kate walks in, doesn't wake when her mother brushes her hair back and kisses her cheek. She pulls the blankets from the floor and covers Ella again; she's flipped down so her head is at the foot of the bed, her favorite position. She strokes two fingers down Ellery's back, realizes her hands are shaking again.

And her heart is pounding.

She presses her palm to her forehead and turns away, heads back out into the hall. When Kate gets to the stairs, she feels it wash over her in a wave, has to sink down to the top step and catch her breath.

Everything - everything gone. She came so close to ruining her kids' lives, leaving Castle, missing all the good and beautiful things their future has in store.

Her fingers clutch at the carpet and she bows her head over her knees, takes in a deep breath. Her vision swims so she closes her eyes, her body shaky like she's run eight miles without breakfast. She might throw up. Oh God, she might pass out on the stairs.

She knows it's just a delayed reaction, knows it's the stress and adrenaline and the whole day they had. She knows, logically, that hearing Ryan and Esposito be kidnapped over the phone was so similar to what happened last year, with the Russian mafia and her daughter's voice on the other end of a recording, faking her husband being shot.

Still doesn't keep her chest from tightening like - like she's having a damn panic attack. Is that what this is? After everything she's gone through, dealt with, after that damn pyschotic Butcher, _this_ is what makes her shocky and miserable and craven?

Kate presses her palms into her eyes and tries to breathe. She needs - there has to be a way to stop this, make the air reach her lungs, make her body stop shaking. This is ridiculous. She's fine, her kids are fine, Castle is fine.

Esposito lives to see his kid be born, Ryan went home to his two boys. It's fine. It's fine, _Kate, get up off the floor and go downstairs to your husband_.

But she can't.

She can't move.

She's not sure she can breathe.

* * *

He rouses when she slides in close to him, feels his body being dragged along the hot coals of wakefulness, sharp and burningly aware.

"Kate," he sighs, turning away from her to curl into his pillow, fall back asleep.

She comes at his back, presses in, fingers ticklish, toes cold, and he grunts, tries not to let his brain click on. So easy, it would be so easy to be knocked back into that state of barely controlled tension, and he just wants to sleep. He just-

His hand is throbbing. His hand is killing him.

He groans and pushes his feet out of bed, stumbles up, knocks his knee into the end table as he lurches for the bathroom. Tylenol. No, not enough. Aleve. And Advil. Both. All three? Can he do that?

He turns in the bathroom door to ask Kate, can barely see her in the darkness, a thin form in their bed. "Kate? Can I take all three-"

"What?" she rasps, and her voice sounds funny, so maybe she'd been asleep. Damn. He woke her.

"Sorry, babe," he murmurs from the doorway. "Go back to sleep."

He heads for the bathroom medicine cabinet and roots around through the bottles. He'll take the strongest one possible, but he's staying away from those pain pills that Kate took earlier. He has so much to catch up on tomorrow - Black Pawn pinged him all day long, messages and emails and panicky demands for his time. He absolutely has to do that while Kate goes in to talk with Lockwood.

His stomach twists at that thought, but there's nothing he can do about it. She wouldn't want him at her side in there anyway - it'd ruin whatever psychological effect she might pull on the sniper.

He tosses back four aleve and runs water into his cupped hand, swallows it down quickly with a shiver. He hates taking pills. He never realized just how strong his aversion was until he and Kate dealt with Dashiell's issues; he has some issues of his own, definitely. The kid gets it from him.

Them. Yeah, Kate's got her own issues. Equal swims in that gene pool.

He grins to himself and winces in the pale golden glow of the nightlight, then shuffles back to bed, his hand cradled at his chest. He slides in next to Kate and is surprised to find her eyes open and watching him, bright in the darkness of their bedroom.

"I'm okay," he murmurs, drawing his other arm around her shoulders and cupping the back of her neck. "Hand hurts. Go back to sleep, Kate. Didn't mean to wake you."

She pushes her nose to the skin at his throat and slips her fingers up to the hair at his nape, plays with it like Dash and Ella do when they're sleepy. He hums a little laugh, stroking his thumb around her ear, wonders just how awake she really is. Probably not very, if she's curling up like this.

He kisses her cheek, waits for the pain reliever to makes its way through his bloodstream and get to work. Her fingers against his skin are more soothing though, and he feels his body relax into hers, feels it all melting away, sleep nudging him over into the void.

"You didn't wake me," she whispers then. "I was already awake."

* * *

"Mom."

But Castle is the one who hears it, the one who wakes up to the sound of his son calling for his mother at the side of the bed. Rick lifts his head and glances across his wife's body, sees Dashiell with his face close to Kate's.

"Dash, buddy," he murmurs. "Let Mom sleep."

"Dad, I need help," he says and comes around the bed. Castle glances to the clock and is stunned by the time.

Just after seven. And Kate is still here, asleep.

"What do you need help with?" he says, dragging himself out of bed and taking his son by the shoulder.

"I'm hungry. Mom usually makes me breakfast, but she's asleep."

"Yeah, buddy. Late night. We're all still kind of tired. Let's go get you some eggs or toast or something and let Mom get some more rest."

"Can you pick me up?" Dash says suddenly, stopping in the middle of the hall as Castle tries to get out of their bedroom.

"Yeah, my man. You tired too?"

"The clock was a five."

"Oh, yeah, that's pretty early."

Dash sighs and Castle leans down, scoops up his five year old insomniac in his arms. Probably a little too big for this, but he'll baby the kid this morning. This is usually his private time with Kate, so he might miss her.

Castle shuts the door behind him softly and takes Dash down the hall to the living room. "Did you watch tv in your room?"

"Yeah. Scooby Doo. And that weird one with the lazy superheroes. I like it - it's funny. But I don't think superheroes should be lazy."

Castle grins and cups Dash's cheek, kisses him. He's a good kid.

"Ew," Dash groans, wriggling to get away.

"Didn't get to do that last night," his father answers. "Figured I owed you one."

"Can I have cereal?"

"Sure."

"Can I have Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

Hm. Kate would say no. Kate would-

"Sure." Whatever. Kate gets to sleep; Castle gets to make his son's day a little brighter with a sugar rush first thing in the morning.

"Yay!" Dash fist pumps. "Awesome. Can we video Papa?"

"Actually, I think we can. Mom called Papa a few days ago? They're in Vancouver so I bet we could."

"Can I do it by myself?"

"Yeah, man. I think Ella will want to sleep."

"She's already up."

Castle stumbles, tripping over his own feet as he crosses into the kitchen. "She's what?"

"She's awake."

"Ellery?"

"Yeah."

"Your sister, Ella, is awake?"

Dashiell is giving him a _duh_ look and almost - nearly - rolling his eyes. "She has show and tell today."

Right. "Yeah. She does. She's probably pretty excited. Where is Ellery then?"

"Upstairs. I told her she can't get out of bed. There's rules."

Castle grins and dumps his kid in the chair pulled up to the bar, heads for the pantry to pull out the cereal. "Yeah, good job. There are rules."

"Should I go get her?"

"I'll let her up after I get your cereal. You want milk?"

"Chocolate milk?"

"Pushing it."

Dash sighs and slumps his head into a hand. "White milk then."

* * *

Ellery is not only still confined to her room - there are rules of course - she's still in _bed._ Castle is actually impressed by whatever command Dash issued, because it has worked. There's no way Ella would've obeyed Kate or himself so strictly.

"Ellery," he calls, coming into her room and over to the bed. He pulls down the covers and sees her grinning, adorable face. "You can get up now baby girl."

She bounces to her knees and then up to her feet, jumping on her bed. Kate was so upset when the physical therapist suggested letting Dash jump on the bed to help calm his system, orient him. No jumping on the bed - apparently it was a hard and fast rule in her house and she just couldn't quite get over it.

So the kids jump on the bed? So what. They're the ones that have to sleep on the mattress. And if they break - like her parents apparently warned her they would - then Rick will buy new ones. Big deal if it helps his kid.

"Daddy," Ella says, jumping higher and higher. "Daddy, my show and tell."

"Yeah, I know. Show and tell today."

"I bring him, Daddy. Please? I can bring him?"

"Abe Lincoln is coming, cricket. Slow your roll. You need to get dressed, eat breakfast-"

She stops jumping. "I not want a roll. Toast, Daddy."

He laughs into her screwed up, disapproving face and smacks her cheek with a kiss. Sloppy, wet. She giggles and launches herself into him.

"You are my adorable baby girl, and I love you," he grins, blowing raspberries into her neck.

She shrieks and pushes on his chin with both hands, arching her back to get away from him. But he's merciless; he won't let go.

He's got her.

* * *

Kate wakes suddenly, trapped, gasping for a breath that won't come, her limbs pinned.

"Hey, whoa, Mommy. Just us."

She scrubs a hand down her face, realizes she's half-sitting up in bed, the kids clinging to her, Castle on her other side. She stares at him, then down at the kids, can't figure out what's going on.

"Uh. Time to get up," Castle murmurs. "It's nearly eight, babe."

Nearly eight. Ellery is looking at her like she's crazy-scary, and Dashiell is patting her on the back like an invalid.

Nearly eight.

"Oh, no. I overslept. Oh not good." She has choicer words, and she's surprised she's able to keep them back. But her brain rapidly clears of nightmarish haze, and she bends over Ella and kisses both cheeks, framing her face. "Good morning, _mala svraka."_

"Morning, Mommy. We did wake you."

"Yeah. Surprised me too."

"You were scared," Dashiell says, a knowing look on his face. Kate turns her head and kisses him too, wrapping an arm around his neck, prepares to lie.

"Not scared. Surprised. Remember the difference?"

"Same excitement."

"Exactly. Now you guys scoot. I need to shower and get dressed and go. I'm going to be late."

She puts on a good show for them; they're all smiles and good hugs and crawling back down off the bed. But Castle is watching her.

"Hey kids," he says. "Go gather your stuff for school. I'll take you so Mom can go straight to work."

"Mommy, my dragon-"

"At show and tell time," Kate says. "I remember. I'll be there. Don't worry."

The kids scamper back out and Castle is immediately at her elbow. She shakes her head and pats his chest as she pushes past him. "I'm okay-"

"You're not. I don't know what that was, Kate, but you are not okay."

"I'll _be_ okay. Just a bad dream." _And something that must have been a panic attack at two this morning._

"Just a bad dream," he repeats, and his eyes are intent on her face. She strips off her pajamas and turns on the shower, hoping it distracts him.

But it doesn't.

"You said you were awake. Last night. I got up and took some pain reliever and when I got back in bed - you said you'd been awake. More nightmares?"

"Something like that," she shrugs, opens the shower door even as he reaches out a hand to prevent her. "Castle, I don't have time for this. I have to finish the case before show and tell. I wanted to go in early."

He lets go of the shower door on a sigh, steps back. "Hurry then. But don't think the subject's closed, Beckett."

She slides inside, closes her eyes and pushes her head under the spray.

Later. She can deal with it later.


	51. Chapter 51

He kisses Kate as he hands over her coffee; she takes the time to clutch at his tie and bring him closer.

"I'm fine, Castle. I promise."

He can't tell anymore if she's lying, but he thinks maybe she believes it.

"I'll be at the publisher," he murmurs into her mouth, giving her another soft kiss before untangling her fingers from his clothes. "Go."

She ducks down and kisses both kids, even Dashiell, and then she slips out the door with her travel mug in one hand and her bag over her shoulder. Her hair is scraped back into a wet bun, tendrils on her neck, and she looks both so very vulnerable and so strong at the same time. He's not sure how she does that.

The kids are gathering their backpacks, scrambling for last minute items, and Castle finally comes back to the moment, grabs his keys from the entry table. "You guys ready?"

"Ready, Daddy."

Little Ellery with her adorably eager face upraised to him, her smile. Castle leans over and scoops her up, kissing her cheek. "Hey there, cricket. Let's go then. Dash?"

"Coming."

The door is still open, and Dashiell darts out ahead of him with his bag thumping against his back. Castle turns to shut the door and sees the dog sitting in the foyer, a little sad, as if say, _I'll just be waiting here_.

"Sorry, Rex. Tomorrow. We'll go to the park, buddy."

He shuts the door on the dog and Ellery squirms in his arms, impatient to be gone.

* * *

After he drops the kids off at preschool with assurances to Ellery's substitute teacher that her show and tell item will arrive on schedule, Castle makes it to the Black Pawn offices just in time.

He has a meeting with the ad execs on the new YA series that BP has picked up - most of it in the final stages. A new author named Barrett Browning - he wonders if the guy gets a lot of jokes about it. Castle finds himself rubbing his eyes every few minutes, the grit and sand behind his lids irritating him. His hand still throbs and more than a few people comment on his kung fu moves.

He's not in the mood.

Of course, it's Gina who corners him in his office after the meeting. She takes his hand in hers and flicks her thumbs over the inexpertly wrapped bandage. It falls apart, and Rick catches the edge before it can drop to the floor. He had to unwrap it for his shower last night, never rewrapped it, and then he did it this morning himself in the hopes that it would remind him not to use it.

"You can't go damaging your hands, Rick," Gina sighs at him, looking like she's going to help wrap it.

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters, pulling his hand out of her grip as he heads around to his desk. He drops the ace bandage on top, sinks down into his chair. He has email to catch up on and then he's got to go over the uncorrected proof for the Felix book. Okay, he doesn't _have_ to, but he always feels like he ought to. Just one last look.

It'll stay in his inbox all day, most likely.

"What happened?" Gina asks, moving to the chair across from his desk.

"Beat up a guy."

She snorts a laugh and then goes still at his quick look.

"Are you kidding me? You beat up a guy? Richard."

He shakes his head. "Line of duty. Not a photographer."

She sighs heavily, and he sees her press her hand to her forehead before brushing her hair over her shoulder. "Richard. This - this cop stuff. I think-"

"Not listening, Gina," he warns, calling up his email on his laptop and shuffling through the rest of the papers in his inbox. Three bills he's got to send to receiving to pay - the cardboard stand-ups for the YA series by Browning, the check to Browning for the advance, and finally the-

Oh. Actually this is his. From the jeweler. Castle lifts his hip and pockets the receipt and contract from the independent jeweler where he had Kate's ring made. He needs to remember to send it to the accountant. She wore it this morning; he saw it on her hand as she kissed him, clutching his tie. He smiles.

"Rick."

He startles and looks up to Gina; he forgot she was there.

"How long do you think you can keep this up?"

He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, peeking at his email over his fingers as he does. Oh damn. Fifty-five new messages. "It was only for this case."

"And your hand-"

"A guy was aiming for Kate."

She's silent and he knows how she feels about it - Gina has never been quiet about his relationship with the NYPD - but he suddenly wishes everyone else got it. Would understand why this works the way it does, why it's important to him to make it work. Why he needs to be there.

"Gina. Kate is-"

"I know."

He glances up from his email and sees her calm face, the tilt of her nose that always made her look so condescending when they were married. She does know. She knows him even if he doesn't want her to, even if they're not in the same place in life anymore. She might not like it, might not enjoy it, but she gets it.

She was the one who gave them the first information on Dashiell's issues, the one who called him and made him listen, got through to him. She deserves more than his quick dismissal.

He sits forward, elbows on his desk, and regards her.

Gina nods slowly, seeing she has his attention, and then she laces her fingers together and lays them in her lap. "You have two options. Hire at least three more people - one in advertising and one in acquisitions, as well as a personal assistant-"

"I don't need-"

"Richard."

He stops, gritting his teeth, gestures for her to continue. Ouch. Wrong hand to use. He cradles his hand against his chest and sits back, waiting for Gina to take up her carefully worded intervention.

"Hire more people. Or. Restrict yourself to one day with the NYPD. One day, Richard, not three days. Not a week when it gets interesting. One day."

He picks at the edge of the desk with his thumbnail, lets her words sink in.

"I need to talk about it with Kate."

"You really don't," Gina says. "Kate is the one who told you that it was too much. Kate is the one who said you needed to be here. You were the one, Rick, you were the one who said you could make it work."

He swallows and watches the way his computer screen dims, trying to save power. "Gina. If you'd sat me down for this conversation a week ago. . .I'd have agreed with you. I'd have cut back on the 12th and-" He shrugs. He can't get it out of his head how Lockwood had Kate in his scope, how it was that close. Esposito and Ryan. "After yesterday. I can't not be there."

"Then hire us people, Rick. We need this to work or Black Pawn will go under."

Gina stands and exits his office, leaving him staring after her.

Black Pawn will go under?

* * *

Kate Beckett wraps her coat a little closer, hands in her pockets as she saunters the length of the prison yard, following the chain link fence to the front door. Esposito is at her back; Ryan stayed home today to rest his lungs.

She hadn't realized it was that bad.

She and Espo give over their weapons, badges, and phones, dumping them in the plastic dish at security. She gets wanded and Esposito is patted down, and then they're waved through the metal detector.

She already texted Castle and told him where she was, that she'd be unreachable for the next couple hours, but it still gives her pause, her phone disappearing from her view. Out of touch. Last time - well, last time they made Ellery.

Kate sighs and feels Esposito at her back.

"I'll go in alone," she says to him. He nods; he knows the reasons. Lockwood might talk to her alone. She'll have to quickly figure out how to play him, but she's confident she can.

Eventually, he'll talk to her.

She keeps her coat on as they move down the interior corridor of the prison, Esposito with his swagger behind her. The guard ahead of them unlocks the first door, metal, and they step into the airlock, wait for the second door to be unlocked.

On cell block D, Lockwood waits.

Kate gets her head into the game on the long walk down to the visitors room. They've cleared it out for this meeting, no one but her and Lockwood, and she leaves Esposito in the warden's observation room.

She takes her time getting to Lockwood; the man is shackled hands and feet, sitting cooly at the laminate table. Like they're both in the school cafeteria, a couple of 8th graders meeting up for lunch.

Kate pauses before him, takes her seat before he can look like he's _inviting _her.

"Name's not Hal Lockwood," she starts off. "We booked you as John Doe."

Lockwood, or whatever the hell his name is, only looks at her. Not quite a stare, but there is so much unconcerned confidence in his eyes that it puts her off. Makes her lose her place a moment.

No. Damn it, no. She is not letting this bastard set the tone.

"You wanna tell me your name?" She doesn't expect an answer to that one, but she also doesn't expect the quirk of familiar humor in his mouth, as if they are sharing a private joke.

But she'll go with that. "Yeah, thought so." Anything to build rapport, establish a connection. "You know you're not getting out of here. We've got you dead to rights on kidnapping, assault of an officer, illegal gun possession-"

He's not biting. Not a word. He has a wall of silence around him so thick that Kate is getting nowhere.

She switches tactics.

"Who hired you?" She hardens her eyes, stares back at him, using his own face against him.

He doesn't move, doesn't blink.

She'll have to try something else. The only thing this guys know is the battle field, the kill. The mission. She needs to interject some snafu to his plan, some sense that he's not in control any longer.

Softly, quietly, she lowers her voice and lets him know what he's in for.

"You know, I've put a lot of people in this place." A flicker in his eyes, surprise maybe. He didn't see this coming, doesn't know where it's going. "Some of them," she continues, a little smirk. "-want to kill me. Some never been treated so fairly in their lives. They form this attachment to me. It's like I'm their favorite school teacher."

The cold detachment in his eyes is cracking; she can tell that he doesn't know what she's getting at yet, and that it bothers him, the not knowing. She can use that.

She can also tell that the schoolteacher image does it for him. Well, damn. Look at that. She might be able to have him by the balls if she plays it right. A little steel, a little sick seduction.

"Good or bad, all I have to do is say a word." She lets her mouth move slowly, sees him watching. "Some of these people might visit you in here, see where in my fan club you fall. And after some time with them. . ."

She lets her voice trail off, hinting at all kinds of horrors, deviant and terrible.

"You just might find yourself a more talkative man."

He doesn't break her gaze, but she can tell she's gotten to him. She's said something that registers, that's making him think. Not uncomfortable, just. . .aware.

Good.

At the same time, she doesn't at all like the calculation she sees there. The sense that he has taken in that information and will use it to his own advantage.

She cannot underestimate him.

"I'm going to be here. Week after week. And I'll ask you - each time - who hired you. Who hired you. Until I get my answer."

She doesn't bother to wait for his answer or acknowledgement; she pushes off from the table and walks out.

* * *

It's her idea to visit the Russian mafia boss who kidnapped her last year.

Esposito is shaking his head, looking at her like she's crazy, but she has things to say, and after last night's panic attack, looking the asshole in the face and keeping her calm is like a victory in and of itself.

"Mr. Sokolov," she says, sitting down at the table with Esposito at her side.

Sokolov puts both hands on the table, palms flat. He hates her - it's all over him. His body is tense, his eyes like fire as he glares. He has good reason to hate her; she shot and killed his son in self-defense. More than that, she's the reason he's behind bars now. That whole kidnapping thing.

"How are they treating you in here?" she asks, acting like this is a friendly chat.

He curses her in Russian, and she responds in kind, her language flavored with the salty swearing she learned as a college student in Moscow - a little pretentious, her accent indicating that she's somehow better than him, the lowly dock worker with questionable parentage.

It's like pouring kerosene straight onto a fire; Sokolov flares brightly, his body lunging against the wrist shackles which are chained to his feet. He stumbles and pitches into the table, landing hard on his face.

Neither she nor Esposito get up to help him. He struggles back on his own, sits down heavily. He refuses to speak English, but Kate switches back.

"I have a friend in here. You might see him. Name is John Doe - clever, right?"

Sokolov - if looks could kill. He turns his face from her, makes a rude gesture that only warms her heart.

This is exactly what she needed.

"John Doe is very important to me. I need him alive. I figured - since you're in charge of your own little _bratva_ in here-"

His eyes flicker to hers, a quick tell. She knew it. She'll have to talk with the warden later, make sure that he knows it as well. Sokolov might be foolish in his hatred of her, but he's not to be taken lightly. If the mafia brotherhood gets out of control behind bars, the guards are at risk, the other prisoners. It's so easy to extend a Russian mafia man's reach.

"Since you're here, and you're mine - maybe the Junior Red Mafia can be his friends, keep him out of trouble."

Sokolov looks like he's going to throttle her for her impertinence. _Junior Red Mafia_. He really doesn't like that.

So she digs a little more. "I heard you had your finger in something going on in South Florida. I made some calls. Gonna screw you over, Sokolov."

She hasn't made any calls; it was a fishing expedition, but the look on his face - she will be now. Cocaine, probably, smuggled in on the water. She's always been able to read Sokolov; he's an open book when it comes to her. He may have taken her unaware last April, left her trussed in one of his abandoned warehouses with only the sounds of a little girl screaming, but she's the one with the upper hand.

When they finally arrested his sorry ass last May, she was the one who pulled the names of his associates out of him, one by one, using his son's death against him, brow-beating him into submission. She has him. He's her bitch.

Esposito grunts and shifts forward, drawing the man's attention.

"You wanna spill, Soko? Give us names of your South Florida crew. Make it easier to do our jobs. You're so good at that."

The curse is filfthy and said with enough rancor that Esposito counters with some choice Spanish of his own. Kate smiles slowly and lets Sokolov see it, every pleased and dominating nuance to her happiness.

He shoves back from the table, but he can't go anywhere.

"Just make sure our friend stays alive, Mr. Sokolov. He's new. He'll need help."

The best part about this? When Sokolov's buddies move in to slit Lockwood's throat, it'll force Sokolov's hand, make him show his cards. They'll have an idea of how far Sokolov's _bratva_ extends inside, and they'll be able to shut it down. Lockwood can more than handle himself, and maybe it really will rattle the sniper to know that she can get to him.

All she has to do is be patient. Wait.

She's waited over a decade to get her mother's killer. A few more months is nothing.


	52. Chapter 52

"Where are we on processing the warehouse?" Kate asks, sliding her coat off her arms and draping it over her chair.

Ryan came in while they were out at the prison; he has a rasp to his voice she doesn't like, but he seems okay, and Jenny let him leave, so he must be fine.

"Slow," he reports. "We've got ballistics guys in there, and the hair and fibers look good. Lanie has the bodies, and then there are two guys still in critical condition. We might get something from them, maybe, but I'm betting on the forensics."

"We have anything more about the team Lockwood hired?" She sinks down into her chair and glances at Karpowski. The woman has been at the 12th all day, working at the money trail by herself; she looks frazzled.

"It's a mess. Really. I've hit a wall with the bank accounts. Same place that Rathborne's payments came from, but I can't get any further."

"Well, that's a tenuous link, but better than nothing." She rubs at her forehead. "We need to let the forensic accountants go over it. Which means we won't get the results for. . .months."

"We got the time," Eposito says with a shrug. "It's not like they'll close this case prematurely. Not with two detectives involved."

As victims, he means. Beckett nods. "Okay then. Karpowski, put it in the queue for the forensic accountant. Then we'll take the team apart one by one. Start with those still living. Pull the files for me and put them in the conference room?"

Karpowski nods, starts getting busy. Kate turns back to her boys and lets her eyes linger on Kevin's still freezer-burned face, knows that Espo has been calling him Rudolph. "Okay, guys, I've got show and tell in an hour."

Esposito snorts and she shoots him a dirty look. "Be you in three years, big man."

Ryan slaps Esposito in the chest. "You go. It's just drudge work right now."

"Still-"

"Go, Beckett." Esposito is giving her a forgiving look, like he finally realizes it actually might be him in a few years.

She nods. "Right. Send me pdfs of whatever and I can do some of this on the tablet-"

"Detective Beckett," comes a voice.

She turns slowly and faces her Captain. "Yes, sir."

"In my office."

Ryan snickers; Esposito punches her arm as she passes.

"Thanks guys. Your solidarity is overwhelming."

She opens Gates's door and steps inside, shuts it after herself. She stands there for a moment, watching as Gates shuffles through some paperwork on her desk, still standing as well.

"Detective," she starts, and gestures to a chair.

"Sir. I have to be somewhere-"

"You can sit."

She comes forward, sits. Gates is still standing, and Kate absolutely hates these kinds of power plays. She's tempted to stand up again, but that would mean she cared. So she stays where she is and waits out her new boss.

"Update me."

"He hired the team internationally. Paid through offshore accounts that trace back to a bank in Afghanistan which is most often used by the US military. It's also the same bank that Dick Coonan used - the assassin who murdered my mother."

"I'm aware of that connection," Gates says, her eyes not once faltering on Kate's. "And the hired goons here?"

"Karpowski is setting that up for us right now. We'll just be going back through their service records. So far, they're all ex-military."

"And Lockwood?" Gates finally sits, for the first time giving Beckett an even playing field. She doesn't know what it means.

"Lockwood isn't speaking. But."

"But."

She doesn't elaborate and Gates waves a hand. "I'm assuming this is stuff I don't want to know?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then tell me."

"Sir?"

"I don't go in for plausible deniability, Detective Beckett. You're in my house. You do wrong, you reflect poorly on me."

"I might have made a visit with Sokolov, a Russian-"

"Mafia boss. He kidnapped you back in April."

Beckett grits her teeth. "Yes, sir. I'd shot and killed his son."

"Ruled justifiable. Still. You pushed his buttons, now he's what? - looking to take out Lockwood?"

"Something like that."

"He'll get his guys to do that," Gates muses. "Means we see who's under his control in there. Lockwood will be fine, guy like that."

Beckett stays silent; she's surprised Gates reasoned that out on her own, but maybe she shouldn't be.

"All right. Here's my deal, Detective. I don't like how you work - too independent, too rogue for me. You bring your husband in where no civilian should go. But you and your team get results. I'm willing to let that work for as long as it's beneficial. But I say when you go, when you stop - I'm in control. You report in to me when you're going solo, you report in to me when he's with you-"

"Sir," she interrupts.

"Don't sir me, Detective. I am not through."

She clamps her mouth shut, feeling scolded like a child.

"You go anywhere with Castle - it's like going alone. Which means you better radio in and let me know. New rule."

"Yes, sir."

"Second. You and your team are off this case for the next twelve hours. I don't want to see you here again until tomorrow morning."

"You can't-"

"Weren't you just about to leave? Some place to be, Detective?"

Damn. "Yes, sir," she grinds out, not looking away. She hates the smug satisfaction in Gates's eyes, but she can't help but admit she needs. . .something.

"You do whatever you need to do - that's our deal, remember? Because it seems to work. But you let me know, you keep me in the loop, and I get to say when and where you work this case. I can't have my best detectives working out of a bias, working emotionally compromised."

It grates on Beckett, it goes against everything in her to relinquish control of her mother's case, but at the same time, she remembers how it felt too-early this morning, trembling on her stairs and unable to get control of herself. She remembers the dark hole of her obsession all too well.

"We clear, Detective?"

"Yes, sir."

"Go to show and tell, then."

Kate glances up in shock, but Gates is only smirking at her, dismissing her with a wave of her hand.

"I hear things. Go. Tell Ryan and Esposito to come in here please. They're next."

Kate goes.

* * *

After the boys get their talking-to, she snags Ryan and Espo for a private conversation in the break room, a headache beginning to form behind her eyes.

"Did you both get the order to knock off?" she asks.

Ryan nods. "I just got here but she still wouldn't let me stay. Sorry, boss."

"It's okay. We could probably stand the time off."

"She took over the Raglan shooting," Esposito says softly, his jaw hard with tension.

Kate crosses her arms over her chest. "And there are things she can't know."

Ryan shifts; he doesn't look comfortable. She won't call him the weakest link, but if anyone might spill Montgomery's secret, it's Ryan. He'll do it for all the right reasons too.

"This stays in the family," she says quietly. "No matter what comes to light - Montgomery has nothing to do with it."

"Because he has nothing to do with it," Esposito snarls. "An old police buddy got shot. Got nothing to do with him, or whatever happened twenty years ago."

She nods, but Ryan tucks himself into a tight and uncompromising line. "I don't think this is the way to go about it. I think Gates-"

"Ryan," she says insistently. "We agreed. Raglan is a separate issue. Whoever hired Lockwood-"

"Is cleaning house, Beckett. You know that, I know that. Everyone connected to that case is under the gun. He'll go after Montgomery next-"

"We have Lockwood in custody-" she starts.

"One hired killer? So what? He'll hire another. What's to stop this guy?"

"Us," Esposito says fiercely. "We will stop this guy. But we don't ruin his family's name; we don't drag him before IAB and let every single case he's solved get tossed."

Ryan hesitates; Kate can see that actually gets through to him.

"He's got so many arrests, Ryan. So many people he's put away, so much good he's done since that time. We can't-"

"I know," he says loudly, too loudly, and they all freeze. And then Ryan swivels his head around, checking for listening ears, and says, "I know. Don't think I don't understand that. But this is bigger than us."

Kate meets Esposito's eyes, a silent command for him to talk to his partner, make him understand. Then she gathers her stuff from the break room table.

"I've got to go. I'll see you guys tomorrow morning. Be ready to sift through military records of Lockwood's team. We'll talk about this. . .later."

"Yeah, boss," Ryan answers, but she can see he still doesn't like it. Doesn't sit right with him.

Well, it doesn't sit right with her either. But they can't afford to have too many people knowing about Montgomery's involvement. This is just how they have to play the hand they've been dealt.

* * *

She calls him first thing, unbuttoning her coat as she steps out onto the sidewalk, feeling that instinctive need for both his voice and also to have her weapon clear should she require it.

Raglan's shooter is behind bars, but she doesn't think it ends there. Ryan's right - what's to stop this guy from hiring another assassin, assembling a new team of covert ops guys?

"Hey," he finally answers.

"Hey, baby," she murmurs back, checking the sidewalk. "Look, I've been kicked out of the 12th for the rest of the day. Want-"

"Kate, love, I'm swamped. I have no time."

"Oh," she sighs, staring at the pedestrian crossing light. "Darn."

"You're headed to preschool?" he prompts.

"I've got to go get the lizard from home first. But yeah." She walks with the crowd but keeps a safe distance between herself and the others. She's being paranoid, but she can't seem to stop it, tamp it down.

"Good. Text me when you get there. I've got to go."

"Everything okay?"

"Not really. I need to find money in the budget to hire three more people or else let the company go under. Bye, babe."

And then he actually hangs up on her.

The company go under?

She presses the phone to her chest, astonished and a little worried, but there's nothing she can do to help. She knows zero about the publishing business - other than what Castle has told her and what she's picked up at book parties - and she's got to head over to the kids' preschool.

Maybe she'll stop by his office for lunch. If show and tell goes quickly. Does show and tell go quickly?

* * *

Even though she doesn't have much time, Kate sheds her work clothes and slides into jeans, a sweater, then has to take Rex out really quickly. She ignores the guilt over how much Rex is cooped up all day, stands outside in the freezing wind as the dog does his business.

She collects it, deposits the plastic bag in their building's dumpster, and then goes back up to their apartment. Rex is nudging her happily with his head, so she bends down and rubs him, over and over, before unleashing him in the entry.

He doesn't leave her though; he looks up at her with those old eyes, tail swishing slowly.

"Okay, buddy. Just have to go get the lizard, but I'll be back later. I'll take you out somewhere. Promise."

She gets a lick across her fingers for it, which reminds her to go wash her hands before she heads upstairs.

Ellery's room is a wreck - the tent still up but listing to one side, bedcovers all over the floor, clothes pulled out of her bottom drawer, a swimsuit dangling from the closet door, books tumbling off the shelves, one of her mother's shoes. Kate sighs and rubs her forehead, kicks a few items out from under her feet, and heads for the terrarium near the window.

When she peers in, the bearded dragon is peering back. Kate smiles at it, the strange little thing, the triangle head, the spikes that feel like roughened and weathered skin. Honestly, when Ella said she wanted a dragon, and then found this online (must've had Dashiell's help, surely - a three year old?), Kate was taken with the thing.

There's something exotic and wonderful and. . .magical about a lizard like this. Things might happen if he's your friend. Rex is that kind of dog, too, and the moment Dash fell to his knees and embraced the big black beast, Kate knew he had to have him.

So both her kids have their own - unique - pets, and now she's got to get Castle okay with it. Eventually.

"You'll win him over. Right, Abe?"

The lizard is tapping his head against the glass like he wants out. Kate reaches inside and curls her hand around it's belly, a finger coming up along it's neck, the tail along her wrist and forearm. The eyes close, as if in pleasure, and Kate gives in and strokes the top of the creature's head.

She carries him downstairs with her, cradled against her chest, and runs her fingers over the dog's head as he comes to investigate.

"Hey, Rex. Good dog. You're good with Abe Lincoln, aren't you?" Rex noses into her hand, then lifts his head and snuffles at her side, under her arm, making her laugh. "Okay, okay. Yeah. You gotta stop that."

She tugs him away by the collar, stroking his ears in regret, and heads for the bedroom.

She needs a shoebox for show and tell.


	53. Chapter 53

Kate cradles the lizard in her lap as little faces peer up at her. Ellery is somehow shy, standing at her mother's side with her hands behind her back, pressing herself against Kate's shoulder.

Her substitute teacher sits in the big chair at the front of the circle, Kate to her right, Ellery beside her. Her daughter's classmates are up on their knees to see, and the teacher has to keep telling them to sit down.

So this is show and tell.

Kate turns to Ellery and nudges her. "Ella," she says softly so her friends can't hear. "Up to you, baby girl."

Her teacher is still trying to coax words out of Ella. "Ellery, can you tell everyone your pet's name?"

Kate keeps her eyes on Ellery, giving her an encouraging smile. Ella sidles a little closer, reaches out a hand to lay it on Kate's arm, nearly in Kate's lap with the lizard. She doesn't fidget, not exactly, but it's a close thing.

So Kate prompts her again. "Ellery, introduce your dragon to everybody."

Her daughter has that stubborn and silent look on her face, but she does answer. Her voice is strong if still quiet. "This mine dragon. Abe Lincoln."

"What a fun name, Ellery," the teacher says, smiling broadly. What she lacks in classroom control, she makes up for in kindness, apparently. "Did you name him all by yourself?"

Ella puts her cheek against Kate's shoulder. "Daddy help me."

"Oh, how nice. Daddy helped you name your. . .dragon is it?"

Kate jostled Ellery off of her, nudging her to keep talking. Ellery pushes her hair back from her face with both hands, but she speaks again. "Him a bearded dragon. It like a lizard."

"Oh, a bearded dragon. How neat. Can you tell me about him, Ellery?"

A kid in Converse sneakers and a black shirt, too cool for school, shoots his hand up but talks without being called on. "Why you have a lizard for a pet? That's weird for a girl."

Kate glances to Ellery, wonders what her daughter will say to that. Because she most definitely will say something - Kate doesn't have a shrinking violet.

Ella's face has morphed into a fierce look; she steps in front of Kate as if shielding her lizard from the boy's sight. "Him a dragon. Abe Lincoln has magic and fire and he likes me."

"How can you know that?" the kid says back. Kate gives the substitute a swift glance, but controlling the kids seems entirely out of her purview.

"In my room, him has a glass house. Him knock knock knock for me when I come in."

"Oooh," some of the kids awe.

"And I pet him and pet him and when I stop, him come up to me and nudge. Like this." Ellery lifts her hand and uses her other hand - shaped into a kind of lizard head - to knock against her fingers. "See? Him like me."

"Cool," one boy says, giving a half-hearted raise of his hand. "My cat does that to me."

"I have a cat," another kid says.

A girl lifts her previously-bored face and looks intense. "I had a cat but he ran away and then Daddy went out looking for him and found him and he lost his tail!"

"Whoa!"

"How do they live without tails?"

"Did it get cut off? Was it hanging there and bleeding all over and stuff?"

Show and tell degenerates from there, and even though the substitute tries to call everyone back to order, Kate's the one who gets it back on track. She lifts her voice over the babble of preschoolers telling their stories, and the sharpness in her tone has their attention.

"Ellery will tell you guys some cool things about bearded dragons, and then I'll let you come up, one by one, and pet him."

She turns to Ella and gives her a pointed look. Ellery has gotten past her initial shyness (or maybe it's an overwhelming and paralyzing joy), and she gives her mother a broad grin.

"I do know all about him." Ella puffs out her chest and lifts her chin, pushes back her hair again. "Them are from Australia. It's a country _and_ a continent."

Every face in the room is confused. Yeah, most three year olds don't know what continents are, but Kate's three year old does. She gives Ellery a bright smile, proud of her for that extra bit of information.

"What else, baby?" she murmurs.

"Him just a little one," she continues. "So him needs lots of insects to eat. And some vegetables. When him get older, he eat more vegetables and not so much insects."

"What vegetables?" another kid asks. "Like broccoli? I don't like broccoli."

Ellery frowns. "No. Lettuce."

"What kind of insects does he eat?" the teacher asks, an eye on the kids to make sure they're paying attention.

"Crickets!" Ellery crows, grinning broadly at that. "Him does eat lots and lots of crickets."

"Ew! Gross!"

"Cool!" The kid with curly hair and a crooked smile is giving a fist pump. "Dude. I need a lizard."

Kate rubs her thumb over the top of Abe Lincoln's head, keeping him calm at the teacher settles down the kids again. Ellery is given the floor, and she starts talking, filling up the room with everything she knows about her dragon.

"Abe Lincoln does love me. He bob his head like this-" Ellery moves her head on her neck, mimicking the lizard. "And him can wave."

"He can?" Kate says, startled.

"Of course, Mommy," Ella says, as if sighing with her mother's lack of knowledge. "Watch."

She moves closer and strokes two little fingers over Abe Lincoln's head, and when she has his attention - how is it that a bearded dragon can actually look like he's paying attention? but he does - Ellery uses her pointer finger and moves it back and forth like an EMT checking for a concussion.

And then Abe Lincoln lifts a limb and waves, little dragon claw following the motion of Ella's finger.

Holy shit. Her daughter taught the lizard a trick.

"How did you-" Kate shuts up, glancing up at Ellery even as the kids are all scooting forward on their knees, creeping in to see more. "Wow. Good job, Ella."

Ellery grins wider and pats the back of her lizard. "Him a smart dragon."

"He really is. But you're a smarter girl."

And then the kids, who were sneaking in closer and closer, are surrounding Kate, hands reaching in, and she's stuck trying to organize them into a line and also keep Abe Lincoln from getting crushed, her daughter ordering everyone around.

* * *

Kate leans back against the wooden counter where the substitute is overseeing the washing of hands before snack. Ellery is at her mother's knee, holding the bearded dragon so that her friends can pet him before they have their turn and then go eat. Kate watches her daughter boss the other kids around, telling them what they can and can't touch, how to pet the dragon, who gets to go next.

Ellery is like a mini version of her mother sometimes. Kate shakes her head and glances up at the teacher's soft little laugh.

"She's a strong personality," the woman says, all sweetness in her voice so that the comment doesn't sound bad at all. "Before I started here, I felt like I knew her - just because Kelly talks about her so much. It's been so much fun to get to know her one on one like this."

"You're friends with Kelly?" Kate says, smiling back.

"And your dad. From church. They are just - so cute together."

Kate gives a quirk of her eyebrow. "Well, they are. . .definitely good together."

"Oh, I guess you probably don't want to see your dad being _cute_," the woman laughs. "I'm sorry. But they're kinda adorable."

"Mm, well. Good?" Kate's not sure what she thinks about this teacher - she's competent enough, her control is a little loose, but the kids seem to blossom under her sweet nature. She's a vanilla-flavored version of Kelly, actually, no spark, no sauciness. Nice enough but plain. In fact, Kate can't remember the woman's name. It's completely gone.

Oops.

Ellery's head comes to rest against Kate's thigh; she bends over a little and skates her fingers through her daughter's hair, rubs her thumb at the girl's forehead.

"You ready to put Linc away?" she murmurs.

"No."

"It's snack time and all your friends are eating," she adds.

"Can I hold him while I eat my snack?"

Such clear and precise language when she wants something. Kate lifts an eyebrow at the request but Ellery doesn't back down. She sets her mouth and looks stubborn.

"No, but I can put him in the shoebox and let him sit beside your chair on the floor," Kate compromises. "But not on the table. You know the rules."

"Okay," Ellery sighs, but she can't truly stay unhappy - her face is just suffused with peace. She's too grateful, it seems, to find fault with her mother's plan. "Him go right by my chair."

"Yeah, baby," Kate says, gently taking the lizard from her daughter and turning at the counter to place him inside the shoebox. Sometimes he climbs out - he did twice in the car - but he seems content enough right now. "Wash your hands, _cvrčak_."

Ellery giggles at the nickname and sticks her hands in the still-streaming water, sings the happy birthday song as she scrubs with soap, and then holds her hands up to her teacher in a silent command. The woman hands her a paper towel and Ellery wads it up, moving it from palm to palm, and then throws it away in the recycle bin, her hands still damp.

She turns from the recycle bin to side-skip back to her spot at the snack table, making her mother grin at her daughter's goofiness. Kate notices that Ella's name is written on a cute yellow duck and taped to the desktop - just like the duck picture on her take home folder. Ellery has the corner seat, so it's simple to leave the open shoe box beside her daughter's chair.

Kate washes her hands too, takes a paper towel from the teacher with a smile of thanks, and then crouches down next to Ellery.

"Good snack?" she murmurs, reaching out and stroking her finger down Ella's forearm. She sinks back against the wall to keep watch over the lizard, tugging her knees up to her chest and grinning at her daughter.

"Did good, Mommy," Ella says with a smile back, eating a piece of cheddar jack cheese, chasing it with a fat green grape.

"That was Daddy," Kate says softly. "He made your lunches and snacks today."

"Daddy is so smart. I do love grapes."

Kate grins. "He is. Most times. He definitely is. He knows you love those grapes."

Ellery puts her cheese down on her napkin and leans over towards Kate, snagging her by the wrist and making a bridge between her mother and her chair. Kate hangs on to her to keep her from falling, and she realizes that Ella is peering down past Kate's legs towards the lizard.

Of course. Should've known that's what the girl was angling for.

"Sit up, cricket."

Ella sighs and sits back up, wriggling in her seat as she reaches for her water. She sips at the camelbak bottle, her lashes long and slow as she blinks, her face in concentration. Kate watches her daughter until the girl's eyes focus again and then she turns to her mother, popping the spout of her water bottle out of her mouth to talk.

"You did come to my class, Mommy."

Kate grins. "I did."

"See all mine friends. And mine room. And my duck." She reaches out with her hand and pats at the yellow duck, fingers tapping. "You bring my dragon."

"I did. Just for your show and tell. You did a great job telling your friends about him."

Ellery gives a great big sigh, all smiles. "I do love you."

"All the ways, my sweet girl." Kate shifts forward and kisses her daughter's forehead, despite being in front of all the other kids in her class.

But Ella doesn't seem to mind; she squirms in her chair and lifts her face to Kate, smiling that soft, adoring smile.

Sometimes, Kate forgets that Ellery's heart - even if fiercely guarded - is just as tender as her brother's.

Maybe more so.


	54. Chapter 54

Her daughter looks a little sad that Mommy is leaving. Kate kneels down at the door and hugs Ella, kissing her cheeks and then blowing a raspberry into her neck just like Castle always does. The girl squirms in her mother's arms, kisses back even as she tries to get away.

"Okay, cricket. Enough. Time for me to go." She gives her another hug, lets Ella wrap her arms around her mother's neck.

"You did bring my show and tell."

"I did. Talk like a big girl."

"Thank you, Mommy," she says, little fingers tangling in Kate's hair.

Kate reaches up to unsnarl the mess, leans in and gives Ella a one-armed hug before getting to her feet. She scoops Abe Lincoln in his box off the floor and scrapes her fingers through Ellery's hair, brushing it back from her face. She's been trying to let her bangs grow out so that the girl can tuck it behind her ears, but she's just got so much of it.

"See you after school, crazy girl."

"Bye, Mommy," Ella says, and she's already running back to her classmates, heading for the table piled high with legos. Kate gives a short nod to her teacher, and then turns and walks out of the room.

She runs into Dashiell's class in line for the bathroom, halts in the hallway, trying to decide whether he'll think it's totally uncool to have his mother there or-

"Mom!"

She grins and saunters over, gives him a thump to his ear in greeting. He grins back, lips sly, and doesn't hug her, so maybe that's the rule. No hugging your mom in front of your friends.

"Just finished Ellery's show and tell," she says, keeping the box up high and away from his classmates.

"Cool." Dash reaches up and nudges the box, so she lowers it, lets him see. "He's weird. He's so weird."

"He's a lizard. They're supposed to look like that."

"I know, but he follows me with his eyes."

"Freaking you out?"

"Little bit," he murmurs, and flashes her a look that is just so very much his father. She reaches out and runs her fingers through his hair, can't help herself. Narrow face, thick hair, dark eyes - he's not Castle's spitting image, but his mannerisms are spot on. "Not freaked out as much as Dad, though."

She laughs at that, has to press her lips together to hold it in. "Ah. Yes. Dad's working on it."

"He needs a better poker face, Mom."

"I'll tell him you said so," she murmurs, rolling her eyes at him and pushing on his forehead with a finger. "I'm gonna leave, kiddo."

He ducks her finger and then slides in closer, wraps an arm around her waist for a quick hug. She can't help but feel the love, hugs him back with an arm at his shoulders. She won't kiss him. Too much.

"Bye, Mom," he says, pulling back, and she lets him go.

She can't help ruffling his hair once more. "Bye, my man."

He's blushing. Oh, how cute. He's actually blushing.

* * *

She doesn't reach Castle, so she leaves him a message, talking on her phone before she starts the car.

With an eye on Abe Lincoln, she smiles and buckles up. "Hey, it's me. Show and tell was a smashing success. Our kids are awesome. Have I told you that? They really are. I actually made Dashiell blush."

And then she feels a little ridiculous for saying this in a message he probably won't even listen to; he'll just see she's left one and call her back.

"Okay, well, bye," she rushes out, shaking her head at herself as she puts her key in the ignition.

She pulls the car out of the parking lot and checks the time - a late lunch then, and maybe she can convince Castle to join her. Shouldn't be too hard. If he hasn't called back by the time she goes home, drops Linc off in his terrarium, then she'll just go on to the deli, surprise him anyway.

Castle will always stop for food.

* * *

She can't find a parking space anywhere close to the deli, has to walk back four blocks, but it's fine. It's a work day and she's free and her daughter was so proud and then her son slipped her a hug when his friends weren't looking.

Kate bites her lip to keep back the smile, opens the door to the deli.

For a second, a rush of slick, slimy fear takes the breath right out of her lungs. Her eyes don't see, her ears don't hear. It's only when someone coming in behind her knocks into her that Kate can stumble forward, her heart like a jack hammer, her palms and pits sweating, a funny taste in the back of her throat.

It's not a robbery. It's a man talking loudly at the woman behind the counter, almost yelling, waving his arm. The woman is placating him, offering to re-make his sandwich, but Kate has to find a vacant table and sit down.

And then, of course, her phone rings.

Her fingers tremble as she answers it; she closes her eyes to keep it together, but the darkness makes it worse, infinitely worse. She stares out the window at the winter sunlight.

"Hey," she gets out.

"You called me."

"I did," she manages, staring at the formica tabletop, sucking in a breath.

"Busy, babe. What is it?"

The flash of panic has started to recede, draining away from her as quickly as it flooded; she doesn't even know why. The yelling customer? That man has nothing to do with anything-

"Kate?"

"Yeah, just wanted to see if you can stop for lunch."

He grunts into the phone, and the noises he makes, his breathing on the other end, the way he almost talks to himself as he tries to do something else while still on the phone with her - it helps. It sets a pattern for her heart again.

"I really can't. But-"

"I'm at Erikson's deli. You want?"

"Oh, I love that place."

"Mm, I know." She's still a little short of breath-

"Hey, you okay? You sound funny. Show and tell went okay?"

"It's fine. Show and tell was great. What do you want to eat, Castle?"

"Roast beef on marble rye. Mayo-"

"No mayo," she interrupts.

"Ketchup then-"

"Castle," she admonishes. "You know what he said."

"Fine. Whatever. Mustard."

She smiles. "Roast beef, marble rye, mustard. Nothing else?"

"Onions."

"No onions."

"The doctor didn't say anything about onions-"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna want to kiss you, and I say no onions."

He laughs at that, a short bark that makes her jump; she presses a hand onto the table and forces herself to get it together. She will not fall apart in Erikson's with her husband on the phone. _At least wait until I get to the car._

"You probably won't let me eat fries, either, will you?"

"It's either change your eating habits or start taking pills, old man."

He sighs heavily, sounding put out with her, but she's not fooled.

"Fine. I'll have fruit. You're killing me here."

"Nope, entirely the opposite," she says back. "Trying to keep you around longer."

"I don't know why," he grouses.

"Me either," she says flatly. "Maybe I love you."

"Huh, interesting theory, Detective. But I don't buy it."

"I know. It doesn't fly, does it?" Kate grins a little into the phone. "Too many holes."

He hums and she can tell she's lost his attention; he really is busy. He spent too much time with her this week at the precinct, and they took the day yesterday; he's got to be so behind.

"Gonna let you go, Superman. Meet you in a few."

"Superman?" he says, but she's already ending the call.

* * *

Castle is so deep in his work that it takes him forever to realize she's there. She keeps her hands still at her sides so the bag won't rustle, watches him pour over whatever it is - probably numbers, judging by the deep line in his forehead and the way he rubs his thumb and forefinger over and over his brow. He's not a fan of math.

He's making notations in pencil, has a highlighter in the other hand, switches back and forth between them. His shirt is no longer crisp, but well-worn with the work day, a deep blue that makes his troubled eyes all the more brilliant, all the more intense.

Kate comes quietly into his office, her feet not making a sound in the plush carpet, sets their food in the floor in front of his desk. She sits down on the edge, a hand out for balance, and that's all it takes. His eyes lift quickly, a tremor moving through his body, and then he smiles at her - relief and happiness both.

"Kate."

She smiles back, her heart at ease in her chest, reaches her hand out for his. He takes it as he stands, walks around his desk to embrace her. His fingers play in her hair for a moment, his mouth doing the same to her neck, teasing and light, and then he pulls back.

"You brought me lunch."

"I did. At my feet."

He glances down, spots the bag with a grin, dives down for it. "Come on, let's go to the conference room and eat."

"Not the big one," she says, letting him tug her by the hand towards the door. "It's not comfortable."

"No, the little one here. Mine."

She frowns, not sure what little one he's talking about. And then he bypasses the hall door to lead her into his private bathroom.

Kate laughs, shooting him a look.

"What? This is like a whole sitting room in here."

His bathroom opens up first to a lounge, with two loveseats and an armchair grouped around a coffee table; Castle has confessed to taking naps in here. Through a second door is the actual bathroom, but this area is carpeted, has a few tasteful prints.

She sinks into the loveseat and pats the cushion at her side. "This'll work. You hiding?"

"Yes," he says adamantly, and plops down beside her, crowding. "Hiding. They're ruthless."

He starts handing stuff out of the bag and she takes her own sandwich - turkey and avocado, sprouts and tomato and mustard - and then Castle pops open the bottle of tea and takes a long swig.

"So. Tell me about show and tell."

"You gonna tell me what's going on here?" she counters, gesturing towards his office.

He sighs, is quiet for a while. "I've sunk a lot of money into it, Kate. A lot of money."

"We're okay," she reassures him, a hand on his thigh. "I looked at everything at the beginning of January. We are fine."

He nods. "Still. I don't want to lose it just because I can't manage to be here, get the work done. How lame is that?"

She winces. "That's my fault. You should've been here-"

"No." He flicks his finger at her palm, shakes his head. "Let's not go over that again. I've been where I needed and wanted to be. The problem is that this place also has needs - and I can't fill them alone. So I've got to hire a few more people, and that costs money."

"So put more money into it," she says easily. "Castle, you know we're fine. Even if you spent a million or two more, we won't suffer."

"I'll make it back," he says quietly, his eyes on hers. "It might take a few years - I'm hearing five - but I'll make the money back. The more I put into it, the larger my controlling share is."

"Do it," she says back, squeezing his hand. He nods and takes another long sip of his tea.

Apparently he wanted her permission. He doesn't need it again - they've already had this conversation. But it's sweet, the way he checks with her, seeking her guidance. They do this together, all of it.

Well, that's a reminder she needed, isn't it?

"I had a panic attack. Two actually."

He jerks his head over to look at her. "You what? When did you start getting panic attacks?"

"I'm guessing. I've never had one before. It feels like a heart attack."

"But it's not."

She shakes her head. "Last night I woke up with one, the beginnings of one, didn't really know it though. Felt paranoid. I went to check on the kids and then just - it rolled over me. I had to just sit on the stairs and wait for it to leave."

"You woke me coming back to bed," he says slowly.

"Sorry."

"I'm not. I hope I helped."

She shrugs. Not - entirely. Somewhat. Helped clear the franticness racing in her blood.

"And the second?" he prompts.

"Getting lunch."

His face blanches. "When I called. You said you were fine."

"Trying to keep it together. Public place."

"Well, this isn't public," he says, his eyes darting around the lounge. She nods and pulls her feet up on the couch, leans into him with a long breath, trying to be careful of her sandwich.

"I'm okay now."

"You should see someone."

"I'm hoping it'll go away with some TLC."

"Ah, that's my job, huh?" He presses a kiss to her temple and she can't help but smile. "Wanna have sex on my couch in the bathroom? Therapeutic, of course."

She laughs. "Not exactly what I meant. I was thinking more along the lines of getting more sleep, eating healthier, less stress."

"I can help with the stress," he says, and slides his fingers down her side suggestively.

"You're a - big - help," she murmurs back, flirting with him a moment, then sits up again. "You're gonna spill my sandwich on the floor."

"After lunch then?"

"You're too busy," she reminds him.

"I am never too busy to have sex with you. Never."

She smiles back at him, rolling her eyes a little, but he leans in and his mouth traps hers, giving and full and tasting like lemon and sugar.

When she pulls away from him, his eyes are sad, and she knows it's because he's worried about her. She doesn't want him to be. She wants him to have that feeling she got coming out of her kids' preschool - that the day is promising and their children are good people, that everything is the way it's supposed to be, even if it's hard and busy and non-stop.

"Show and tell was fun," she says without segue, wanting to share.

"Yeah?" He lifts his head and grins at her. "Tell me all about it."


	55. Chapter 55

Castle watches her, and she must know what it's for because she ignores it. He's glad for that; sometimes he just needs to reassure himself that she's taking care of things, handling it, that she'll really be okay.

He shifts on the couch, sprawled out, and he tugs her legs back into his lap. She gives him that flickering smile of attention and continues with her story, licking her thumb as she finishes the last of her sandwich.

Her toes are frisky, and if she's not serious about therapeutic sex, then she needs to stop. Castle gives her a look and she only arches an eyebrow, tells him about running into Dashiell in the hallway. He circles her ankles with his hand, holds her still.

"He blushed," she murmurs, a smile lifting her lips, her face soft. She looks like she's in love. And she is. In love with their kids. "He was embarrassed but he still gave me a hug and then he blushed when I messed with his hair. It was cute. He's a good kid. We've got good kids."

He grins back at her, slides his hand up her shin to her knee, fingers sensitized by the soft denim of her jeans. Kate puts her trash on the floor and draws her legs back, then comes to her knees on the couch beside him, frames his face with her hands.

"Hey," she murmurs. "Have we missed each other this week?"

He knows what she means, the old phrase they used in counseling when one had missed some event, emotion, significant thing in the other's life. Totally missed the boat - that was what the therapist had said. _Sometimes you two totally miss the boat._

"A little, not too bad," he answers, unable to take his eyes off hers, the tenderness and hesitation and honesty - all the things he's gotten used to seeing in her, all the things they didn't use to be.

"A little," she sighs, leaning in. She kisses him softly, runs her tongue over his bottom lip. "And this month?"

"Yeah, some missed stuff," he murmurs. "No one's fault. I got busy with this. You were doing the wedding. It's okay."

"It's okay," she repeats the forgiveness, touching her mouth to his cheek. It's sensual, but not erotic, and he can slide his fingers through her hair and kiss her back, just as softly. With meaning rather than intent.

They stay like that, mouths not quite touching, breathing together, and he waits for her to get at what she wants to say. He's learned that too, these last few years, how to wait on her until she's thought it through and can speak. At least, sometimes he's learned that - it's a day to day thing.

She hooks her arms loosely around his neck, studies him, her fingertips trailing at his shoulder blade.

Of course, that doesn't mean he's any better at long-term patience, not when she looks at him like that. He gives in and hugs her, pressing her body to his, shuts his eyes for a long moment. "We didn't miss much, I don't think. But it's nice to be back."

She hums with amusement, curls her fingers in his hair, stroking. It feels so good. She feels so good, and he doesn't want to think anymore or go back to work or stop sitting here with her pressed against him. Near death yesterday and the boys taken hostage and just - all that dark unknown.

"You're still tense," she murmurs, finally coming out with it. "The money?"

He sighs and her lips skate his jaw, soft and unassuming, barely there touches. There was a time when that would've done it for him, but they've been together just long enough, and he's too old for that, he's got more control. But it's still so nice, and he's mushy, sure, but it's good to feel stupid and sappy and vulnerable and just _weird_ with someone. Like she's weird about books and words and living with her favorite author, and he's weird about his kids having a mom and geeking out over sci-fi and comic book stuff.

"Don't worry about the money, Rick." Her fingers card through his hair and down to his shoulders as she pulls back a little. Her thumbs dig into the knots in his muscle, then her knuckles. "If you want to use the Nikki Heat money-"

"No, I shouldn't have to. That's yours."

She gives him a little smirk of her lips. "What's mine is yours."

He gapes at her for a second, and then shakes his head, laughing. "Uh-huh. That only took a year of counseling and a second kid to get to."

She's grinning back, but her fingers continue to work at his shoulders. She slides closer, puts her knee behind him, nudges to get him to move. When he scoots up, she slips behind him, cross-legged, and bumps him off the couch.

He sits on the floor, shooting her a dirty look for that maneuver, but she only leans over and grips his shoulders, digging in. He groans at first impact, hangs his head forward as she kneads his muscles ruthlessly. She uses her elbows to grind at the knots, releases some kind of pressure point that dissolves down his back and arms like a shot of novocaine.

She's panting in his ear as she massages his shoulders, and he can't help the grunt that escapes him every time she gets that one spot on his right shoulder, near his neck. After a minute, he realizes she's doing it on purpose, making him yelp, and he can't even be bothered enough to care.

"Laugh all you like," he groans. "Just don't stop."

"Mm, dirty. How's this for therapeutic?"

He laughs back, sucks in his next breath when she gets him again, screwing up his eyes to endure it. She's so good at this.

"You should hire someone," she says then, smoothly, like she's set him up.

And she has set him up, but he doesn't quite know how. "I don't want to have to do it. I should be able to fix this."

"Hire someone to take the work, or you'll have to quit coming to the 12th," she murmurs.

"No."

"Those are your options, Rick."

"I know," he sighs, but at least his shoulders don't hunch now, at least he feels like he can get in a deep breath. She's right though. It's one or the other. And if he wants to keep coming into the 12th with her on Thursdays (which occasionally do run into other days, yeah), then he has to make the changes at Black Pawn.

"You know. . .but-?" she says quietly, her fingers working lighter now, her thumbs in circles on the muscle at the back of his neck.

"I might have to fire someone to do it right."

"Oh," she says. Her fingers pause before starting up again. "Why's that?"

"He doesn't fit. His job is all online now and he refuses to learn the web-based program, and I know I can hire a kid right out of college and pay him or her less. Plus this is just the future of publishing. I don't see how he-"

"Does he get severance?"

"Yeah," he says, but even severance is less than paying the guy to do nothing but whine and complain.

"Can you force him into retirement?"

"Oh," he breathes out, blinking. "I guess I could."

"Charm him, like you do, and make it seem like his idea. It might take a while, but then you wouldn't have a disgruntled employee on your hands."

"He's been in the industry for thirty-five years."

"How long at Black Pawn?" Kate asks smoothing her fingers up and down his shoulders now, a lighter pressure.

"Since it started," he sighs.

"Still possible. You need the room to grow, Castle. I'm sure Gina will back you up, right?"

He drops his head into his hands and takes a breath.

Kate's fingers still.

"She's against it," he admits. "He trained her; she's loyal to him."

"Oh," Kate murmurs, and he feels her press up against his back, her arms circling his chest, her knees at his waist. She feels good, almost hanging on him like this, and it's enough that she just understands, she gets it, him, all of it, and wants to help.

Castle scrubs at his face. Kate moves down to sit beside him, her side pressed against his, their backs against the couch, waiting on him.

"I've got to do it," he says slowly. "She knows we have to cut some costs and streamline the process. She knows that."

Kate takes his hand, pulling it away from his face, kisses his wrist as she draws his knuckles against her thigh, resting in her lap. "You'll do what's right."

"I'll have to talk to Gina first."

"It's complicated, I know, but do you - want me there?"

He turns to her, the strength in her eyes despite that hesitation, and he kisses her forehead quickly for it. "Thanks, but I won't subject you to that."

"She's a good person, Castle."

"I know. Just - lot of history."

"Which is why I wonder if I should be there. Keep it as neutral-"

"I highly doubt having my wife in a meeting with my ex is keeping it neutral."

She presses her lips together at that, but lifts an eyebrow in silent acquiescence.

He flexes his fingers against her thigh, strokes her abs with his thumb until she breaks, rolls her eyes at him.

"So, we've got good kids, huh?" he says softly, watches as her eyes shift from amused to tender and happy again.

"Yeah," she says. "When Dash was a baby, it felt like it would never end - all the correcting and fixing and just - doing. Something always needed to be tended to with him. And now. . .he's his own little man."

"Yeah," he agrees, smiling himself. "I'm mean, he's only five. But yeah, sometimes I get really clear pictures of how he'll be at twenty-five."

She shivers. "Oh jeez. Twenty-five? Let's make it through the teen years first."

"Ellery as a teen-"

"There's no way I'm going to survive Ellery Kate," she laughs. "She is not going to be easy."

"She's not easy now," he laughs back, squeezing her as they both groan at the thought. "But she's got a fierce heart. And she loves us. She'll do right in the end."

Kate sucks in a breath but she nods, hair falling in her eyes.

"She adores you, Kate. That counts for a lot."

Kate huffs at him, brushing her hair back. "I adored my mom too. We still fought like crazy."

He goes still, surprised he's never known this before. "You did?"

"Why do you think I got a tattoo, a Harley? All Maddie's stories about me are embarrassingly true."

He laughs and nudges her shoulder. "Those stories I still haven't heard. But she was right about one thing."

"What?" she says, look a little absent-minded, probably envisioning the ways in which she and Ella are gonna get into it in the years to come.

"You wanted to have little Castle babies."

Kate bursts into laughter, turning wide eyes to his, clapping a hand over her mouth as she stares at him.

"Don't be afraid to admit it," he says, shrugging smugly. "Ain't no shame."

She's breathless with her laughter, and softly beautiful, the mother of his kids, to his kid even, and she has the tenacity and strength and passion to stick this out with him no matter what.

"Okay, Castle. You got me," she laughs. "Whole time. All I wanted was to grab you, make out with you, and have babies already."

She's rolling her eyes, she's laughing, but oh, oh it's true. Look at her. It's true.

He leans in and captures that laugh with his lips, traps it between them. "Looks like you got what you always wanted."

"Mm, didn't I?"


	56. Chapter 56

"Hey, you know what day it is?" she laughs, turning in the doorway that leads back into his office.

He shrugs and she takes the bag of trash from him, shoves it into the can beside his desk as he moves around her.

"Thursday," he answers, sitting back down behind his computer, finger already moving for the mouse.

"Yeah, and where are we usually on Thursdays?" she murmurs, leaning against the edge of the wooden desktop, close enough that she can feel the brush of his knee against her leg. "Castle."

He drags his eyes away from his email and blinks at her. Just like that she lost him. He's worried; she wishes he wouldn't.

"Huh?"

"On Thursdays, you're usually at my job," she says softly, reaching out a hand to card through his hair like she does Dash. It works on Castle too; the flicker of cat-like pleasure in his eyes lets her know, even if he doesn't lean into her hand like their son.

"I'm usually at your job," he repeats, giving her a crooked smile. He still has the butterfly bandage over his eyebrow and his knuckles are poorly wrapped; his hand has to be throbbing - mostly because he's doing little complaining.

"I should stay," she says suddenly, reaching out to cradle his hand, slowly unwrapping it. "Help you like you help me."

He gives her a wider grin and shakes his head. "Staring at me creepily and making paperclip chains doesn't really help."

She smirks back, leaning in to kiss him for that, rubbing at his bottom lip with her thumb. "Don't knock it till you try it." She goes back to his wrap, loosening it until it unwinds from his hand.

He laughs at her, some of the worry and responsibility slipping from his shoulders. "Really, Kate. I don't know what you could help with. It's just plowing through it."

He rolls his shoulders, tilts his head back and forth. She watches him for a moment, the slow close of his eyelids and then the way he regards her once more, bright and smiling at her. And then she begins wrapping his hand again, keeping it loose enough not to cut off circulation, but tight enough to hopefully minimize swelling.

She strokes his thumb with hers. "Okay. If you sure."

"Go home. Relax. You need it. How's your hand?"

She startles. "I - honestly. I forgot about it." She glances down and flexes it slowly. Some stiffness but it's nothing compared to the week they've had. She skirts her fingers at his wrist. "How's your hand?"

"Hurt like the devil till now," he says with a tight grin. "I'm about to break out some pain reliever."

"You should. And maybe ice it down."

He nods, lifts his uninjured hand to her thigh and lays it heavily against her as well, both hands in her lap. He rubs at her jeans with this thumb, but she can tell his mind is drifting.

"Okay, Rick," she says quietly, laying her hands over his two. "I'm going."

He gives her an absent look and nods; she leans in again and kisses his cheek, surprised at how reluctant she is to let go of him. Not just walk out the door, but physically stop touching him.

Probably an after-effect of her panic attack. Like she did last night, curling up against him, accidentally waking him up.

And just for that, she forces herself to release his hands, her legs to support her as she stands. She heads for the door, gathering her coat as she goes, sliding it on.

"Hey, Kate. Dinner?"

"I got it covered," she says, gives him a last look before stepping out of his office.

She'll just order in.

* * *

Martha is exuberant on the other end; Kate walks briskly towards the front doors of Black Pawn, decides to hail a cab. Just in case. Plus freezing rain has begun to skitter along the sidewalks, catch in her hair, sting her cheeks.

"Oh, dear one, lovely idea. I'll pick Dashiell up straight from preschool, and then stay for dinner."

"Thanks, Martha. I don't know that Dash can concentrate for much longer than an hour, but it's entirely up to you."

"He'll love it. I'm looking forward to teaching him. I think my studio is the best place - already there are so many creative people, so much energy in the air."

Kate frowns and flags a taxi, opening the back door, quickly gives the address for the loft. Martha's studio is exactly the kind of thing Dash doesn't handle well - the people and the echoes and the sense of overwhelming space - and no matter how many times she or Castle explains his issues to his grandmother, Martha doesn't seem to get it.

"Do you have a practice room at the studio?" Kate asks, trying to find a way to couch this point. "Or I can take Ellery to the library and you guys can use the piano at the loft."

"No, no. The studio works just fine. I'll pick him up right after three, correct?"

"Yes, three-fifteen," Kate sighs, letting it go. She's the one who will have to calm his irritated nervous system all night, but if he has fun playing piano with his grandmother, then she'll gladly make that sacrifice. "Thanks, Martha."

"Think nothing of it, dear."

Kate ends the call and taps her phone against her chin, leans back in the taxi while it idles in traffic. The rain has turned to sleet, bouncing on the roof, and the cars creep forward. Kate takes the time to call her father, gets his voicemail.

"Hey, Dad. Thinking about you. Both. I know you've only got a few more days, so don't worry about calling me back. Love you."

She sighs and closes her eyes, her body nestled into the corner of the cab, more at ease for her conversation with Castle, but also left with a strange sense of incompletion.

Like there is something she needs to do.

* * *

Rex is waiting for her when she opens the door.

"Oh, buddy," she laughs, his front paws landing on her chest in his exuberance. "Okay. I'll take you out, but it's raining and you're gonna hate it."

His tail wags so violently that his whole body shakes, taking her with it, and she has to maneuver around his bulky frame to drop her stuff in the floor.

"Let me get your leash," she mutters, knocking him off of her and down to the floor again. He leads the way to the laundry room, tail swishing against the wall, the edge of the built-in fireplace, the door. She pulls it open and leans in, snagging his leash and a plastic bag.

He stays still while she clips it on and then bounds ahead of her back towards the front door. Kate hasn't even managed to get her coat off, but she does grab her keys from the entry table where she must have tossed them on autopilot. She stuffs the plastic bag into her pocket, locks the door behind them.

Rex drags her to the elevator and then on, that moment of slight hesitation he always has on the threshold. Kate leans down a little to pet him, scratching at his ears and stroking the black fur down his head to his neck.

He leans into her thigh, a press of his body, and then the elevator doors open at the lobby. They walk out together, staid enough, and Kate tugs her coat tighter around her as she leads them out of the building.

Rex pauses with the first sting of rain, but pushes out anyway, straining at the short clip of the leash. Kate keeps him close as they weave their way through pedestrians, and the dog is good about it, not tugging or pulling, walking sedately. They've been lucky with him; she hadn't realized how much responsibility a big dog could be in a city like New York.

Kate heads for the nearest park, lets Rex get progressively farther away from her, the leash longer the less people there are. He sniffs at a miniature poodle, shys away from a terrier all in the space of a block. She shares grimacing looks with the other dog owners for needing to be out in the freezing rain, but her eyelashes are clumping together even so and she hurries, sometimes pushing Rex to keep going.

At the entrance to the park, she notices that most everyone is off the street, only a few people with umbrellas, newspapers, briefcases over their heads. She and Rex both shiver their way down the path towards the dog run; she opens the gate and lets him inside, taking the leash off.

Rex bounds away, a long sprawling lope through the dog run, and Kate leans against the fence, tucking her hands under her arms, then into her pockets, trying to keep warm. She didn't think to bring a toy, and she's sorry for that, sighing at the way Rex keeps coming back to her, expecting it.

"Sorry, buddy. I forgot. Go run. We'll try to come again this weekend."

Rex does his sideways hop away from her, that doggy grin, and runs off, leaving Kate shivering again.

"Hey," she hears, and turns her head around to see a man walking her way.

He's got a dog on a leash, a thousand watt smile even in the sleet that still falls between the trees, and he's looking at her like she's a gift he's been longing to open.

"Hi," she says, politely enough but drawing her hands out of her pockets, popping the middle button of her peacoat. And then she remembers she isn't carrying; she took it off before going to the preschool, never strapped it back on.

Damn.

"Gotta love the dog," he says with that dazzling grin, opening the gate for the golden and leaning down to slip her off the leash. The retriever seems to duck away from his touch. "What we won't do for them."

She makes a non-committal sound in her throat, glances down the dog run for Rex. He's already spotted the newcomer, and he's making a loping track back towards her, head raised. The man shifts to lean against the fence as well, and Kate takes a slow step away.

As Rex gets closer, she can see the ice glistening in his ruff, see the way his dark fur has sprung up around his shoulders, his hackles raised.

_Me too, buddy._

She whistles for him, soft and low, but Rex is already coming straight for her. Kate has a moment when she reaches her hand for the gate and sees the stranger's hand still there, but he drops his quickly enough, giving her an easy (too easy) smile.

Kate opens the gate at just the right moment and Rex slips right through, presses against her thigh as he gives a short sniff at the man. Kate doesn't wait to leash him, just counts on Rex to follow as she walks away.

Once she's clear of the dog run, she goes farther back into the pathways, winding away from the man but not towards the entrance, away from where he would expect her to run. When she's put some distance between them, she leans over and clips the leash again, rubbing the ice and damp out of Rex's fur.

"Good boy. Good dog. You did good, T-Rex." He whines in his throat at her, catching the strain in her voice, no doubt, and leads the way again, still ever farther from the dog run.

It takes him longer to do his business, probably because she's still projecting that fight or flight adrenaline, but she bags it quickly and tosses it in the garbage can. Rex wanders the trees for a little while more, his nose to the ground, and she begins to relax.

Just a guy with a dog. Nothing sinister. She was on edge and Rex picked up on her body language and went into protective mode. Nothing more to it than that.

Still. She wishes she was wearing her gun.

* * *

She calls Esposito once she gets out of the park.

"We're supposed to have a day off," he grumbles.

"It is. We are."

"And so?"

"Castle is at Black Pawn and I - I want to run something by you."

"What's that?"

"Now that Lockwood is in jail. . .who's doing his job?"

Esposito is quiet on the other end and she knows he's already thought about it, just by that silence.

"A guy approached me," she starts.

"Shit-"

"Not like that. Could be a dry run, gathering intel. Could be just a guy walking his dog. But the retriever didn't seem to like him, and he seemed too interested in me."

"Ever since we found those surveillance photos. . ."

"Yeah."

"It'd be that easy, Beckett. Lose a guy, insert a new one."

"We're keeping tabs on the bank accounts, right?"

"Of course."

"And has anyone managed to get in touch with Montgomery?"

"He won't answer. Not even his son can get him."

She takes in a long breath and hunches her shoulders at her ears. Rex sticks close.

Esposito continues. "He might answer if you call."

"This mystery guy he sent the information too - the one with the dead drop-" she hedges.

"I don't see that guy being too helpful," Esposito grunts. "I don't want to count on him for anything."

Kate keeps her eyes open, watches the traffic, the sidewalks, every detail, even as her mind races. She doesn't want to do this; she doesn't think she can stand listening to his voice on the other end of a phone line, knowing what he's done.

But she gives in.

"Okay. Looks like I'm calling Montgomery. He needs to be warned he's a target, at the very least."


	57. Chapter 57

Castle bows over, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging, tries to figure out how he's going to do this.

The visit from Kate has restored his sense of purpose, his confidence, enough that he figures he should just get this out of the way, get it done. Won't do any good to leave it hanging over his head all weekend.

First, he should talk to Gina.

He texts her quickly, asks her to come to his office, and then he stands up from his desk and gathers the man's employee record, the termination forms, and his bottle of iced tea.

Gina comes in at that moment, a look of concern etched between her eyebrows. She holds up her phone, shakes it. "Got your summons."

"Ah, yeah. We need to talk."

She crosses her arms, defensive already, and he sighs. They fall into the same habits every time, push and pull-

Well, he's never pushed back, has he? He's always the one that let her push and push until she just had enough, until he was sick of being knocked around, told what to do, and she was fed up with trying to make him over. Maybe that's part of why it works better with Kate, because he's willing to fight for it.

"In order to make this work," he starts. "I have to make room for new hires."

"Make room," she says slowly, her eyes narrowing at him.

He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk, sinks down into one himself when it looks like she won't. He waits for her to stop having a stick up her ass, puts his iced tea on the floor by his chair, and then he begins again when she's consented to perching gingerly on the edge.

"There are a number of changes we need to make here at Black Pawn. You know that."

"Changes," she echoes, and her face has gone bloodless beneath the make-up.

"Gina?"

"What are you saying, Rick?" she spits out, her eyes flashing at him.

Yeah, he knew she wouldn't take this well. "I know he's your guy. I know he trained you and-"

"Wait. What?" She does a double take, uncrossing her legs, knees pressed together in her pencil skirt, fingers gripping the armrests as she cants forward. "What are you - who's _he_?"

"Whitfield. Jacob Whitfield."

"Jacob?" she gasps, then gives a little choked laugh, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth and shaking her head at him. And then it hits her, really hits her, because she widens her eyes and sinks back into the chair. "Oh no. Jacob."

"We've got to let him go, Gina."

"Jacob."

"Yeah. He's-"

"I thought you were trying to fire me, you asshole."

He startles back, staring at her, but she's rolling her eyes at him and snorting.

"For a writer, you sure do make a mess of things when you're trying to deliver serious news." She looks like she wants to kick him.

"Sorry. I didn't - I figured we're on the same team here, Gina. You were the one who said I needed to get my shit together and-"

"Well, yes, but Rick, you're - you're you. What else was I supposed to think when I walk in here and you look at me with that face that says you're so very sorry, nothing personal _doll_, but we don't work anymore?"

He grunts at that, feels it sting between his shoulder blades like a wasp. Annoying but not life threatening, some pain but he'll survive. He called her doll? Surely not. No. She was being facetious.

"Sorry," she winces, brings her hand to his knee, drops it away. "Low blow. You just completely freaked me out. Okay. Jacob. Let's talk about Jacob."

He clears his throat and nods. "Jacob is resistant to the changes here. He's actively refused to do the online stuff-"

"He uses email."

"Grudgingly. I'd say seventy-five percent of his job is web-based, Gina, and he refuses to do it."

She locks her jaw, and he admires the restraint she's suddenly grown when it comes to their disagreements. Their differences of opinion. That's a new thing for them.

"Okay, yes. He's been resistant. He's - complaining in the office to the other team members as well," she sighs.

He grimaces. "I didn't know that."

"You're not here."

Touche. "He needs to go."

"You can't do that. He's tenured."

"That doesn't exist here."

"Rick."

"I can hire a college student for half of what we pay him, and a younger guy can probably come up with a ton of improvements on how we're doing it now. Plus we need a full-time webmaster, not Barry's friend who never comes in to work but magically fixes it from his mother's apartment."

"Barry's friend is very good," she murmurs.

"Gina."

"Yeah. Okay, I see."

"And I need a personal assistant."

She nods. "You do."

Oh, well, he honestly expected resistance on that one. "I do. I have one for myself, for the writing, and then Paula's got a person who usually contacts me and arranges things when she can't, but Gina, I'm thinking we need someone like that for this office. Someone to touch base with when I'm not here-"

"I agree, Rick. You're in and out too much."

"I realize I can't fire Jacob without the approval of the board, so I need you to go to bat for me on this."

"Rick," she groans, rubbing at her forehead and then standing up again to pace. "I can't - it's Jacob. He trained me."

"Just present the numbers to the board like you did for me. And when I explain what our needs are and what it will cost, they'll see it."

"Rick, it's going to take more money than just firing a guy-"

"I know. I talked to Kate. We're putting up more capital."

"In both your names again?"

"Yes," he says. "She remains a silent, equal partner."

"You know that's a terrible idea - linking business and pleasure." He can't miss the quirk of irony in her mouth.

But he shakes his head. "Not when it's Kate."

"Fine." _Don't say I didn't warn you_ is evident in her tone, but it's not like Kate would ever ask for him to dissolve the company so she could take her share and run.

It's not like Kate even cares. She rolled her eyes when he said he was splitting the company with her anyway. Oh, and then he teased her for weeks about being the _silent _partner. That was fun.

"Stop grinning like a lovesick idiot," Gina mutters. "Just promise me you'll let me be the one to tell Jacob."

"What? Why?"

"He needs to hear it from me, Rick. From someone who - who knows him."

"I want you to have security with you when you do."

"No."

"Gina."

"No. But they can wait outside."

"Deal."

She crosses her arms and strides for the door, then halts, turns back to him. "Rick. If I had the money, I'd put up capital too."

His jaw drops, but she's already opening the door, striding briskly back out.

That's the most supportive he thinks he's ever heard his ex-wife be. At least when it comes to him.

He jerks to his feet and catches the door before it can close.

"Gina."

She turns in the hall, the slit of her skit splitting over her toned calf, the picture of cool and elegant and completely in control - all qualities that he grew to absolutely hate when they were together, but which are so good in this business.

She arches an eyebrow, cocky and bitchy both in that gesture, but it actually makes him smile.

"Thanks."

She's not his partner in this, not even close, but she's at least standing with him.

* * *

Castle sees Kate's ID on his phone and answers immediately, worried because she just left him a little over an hour ago. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"Not - no. Nothing. I just wanted to fill you in."

He turns his chair away from his desk to keep from getting distracted, concentrates on her voice. "What happened, Kate?"

"The boys can't get a hold of Montgomery. His son can't reach him. But. They think he'll answer if I call."

Castle grows cold, stares out the window at the grey day. It looks like it's drizzling too, and the cold leaches inside his office. "They might be right."

"So, I'm almost home-"

"Where were you?"

"Took Rex for a walk."

"Oh good. We've kinda abandoned him lately."

"Yeah, he's a good dog," she murmurs, and something in her voice makes him sit up straighter.

"Kate."

"I'm going to call him. I have to, don't I?"

"Well. Lockwood was after him."

She's quiet for a beat, and he wonders what was in that moment that he's missing. But then she goes on. "He could still be in danger. And - I know he wanted to talk to me. But I wouldn't - I couldn't. So I'll call him when I get home."

"Whatever he says, Kate-"

"I know."

"No, you don't. Listen to me. Whatever he says, you don't do anything without me."

"Castle-"

"No, Kate. I know how persuasive you can be. You get a name, anything, you don't do this without me. Not alone. You wait for me to get home, or call me or - _whatever_ he says. Do you understand?"

"Castle."

"I'm dead serious about this."

And he can feel it between them, how she abhors to be ordered around, how his making demands of her isn't a partnership, but this is their life together, this is how it has to work.

She takes in a growling breath, but he interrupts. "Kate. I'm not letting you fall through the stairs. But you have to hold my hand."

She gives a sighing laugh at that, frustration at the back of her throat, but he hears her capitulation in it too.

"All right. I got it. I won't do anything until I talk to you first."

"Even if it's - I don't know - even if he says you can't tell me, that it will endanger my life or some other shit like that, you still-"

"I'll still tell you," she says.

"Promise."

"Castle."

"I want you to promise me. No running off and doing something because you think you're saving me. No holding back because you just want to spare my feelings or keep me from being worried."

She sucks in a breath at that, and he _hears it_ over the line, something else. Something different, and he's gotten to her already.

"Kate."

"I was in the park."

"Kate, shit-"

"Listen. It's nothing. I - I'm sure it's nothing. But a guy approached me at the dog run with Rex. He said absolutely nothing more than the bare essentials; he was polite-"

"But it made you wary, and you called the boys."

"I did," she murmurs. "I - wondered - it occurred to me then to ask. . .if Lockwood is in jail, that doesn't mean this conspiracy is put to rest, Castle. Doesn't mean we're safer - in fact, it could have put us on his radar. And all he'd do is hire a new guy to go after all of us."

Hire a new guy. "I didn't think of that," he mutters.

"Castle."

"I didn't even. . .you're right," he finishes, scrubbing a hand down his face and standing up, grabbing his briefcase-

"Castle, stay at work."

"I'm-"

"This is why I wasn't going to say anything. You have to trust me here. I will call you when and if I need you. But you have work to do, and you need to stay there."

"Kate, I could-"

"No, Rick. Please trust me."

"I trust you, I just-"

"There's nothing for you to do here. I'll call Montgomery, hear what he has to say, and then I will call you next. Look, I'm at the building, I've got to get on the elevator and my cell phone will cut out. Stay at work."

He sinks down into his chair, feels it swivel back towards his desk, almost unconsciously.

"Kate, this is so much bigger. . ."

"I know," she murmurs. "I know. I'm on the elevator - I'm losing you-"

And then he really has lost her.


	58. Chapter 58

When she finally shuts the door of the loft, Kate takes a moment to sink back against the wood and stay there, running her fingers through her hair to get the ice out, pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead. Rex is patient, waits for her at her side.

She stirs and unclips the leash, then snags the ratty towel they keep in the coat closet to wipe him down. Rex licks her chin in appreciation and Kate smiles, strokes him behind his ears.

"Thanks, buddy." She drops the towel in the floor and pats his head as she moves to put the leash away. The dog follows her around silently, then sits on his haunches to watch her as she hangs up her coat. "Okay. I know. I gotta call."

Kate slides her phone out of her pocket, but she goes first to Castle's study, sinks down onto his black leather couch, dumpy and worn with kids and dog piles and movie marathons and date night. She angles her back against the arm of the couch and watches the sleet hit the windows, breathes in the scent of her husband, so rich and heavy here in his space.

Her eyes follow the ice as it melts against the glass, the slow, long glide to the windowsill. The sky is grey and heavy with it.

She glances back and sees the dog waiting on her, so she leans forward and pats the empty space next to her. "Come on up, Rex. It's okay."

He bounds up on top of her, making her laugh, his paws hesitant on the leather, his muzzle hanging near her face. She shifts on the couch and wraps an arm around his neck, tugging him down.

Rex lets himself be placed, his head on her hip, his bulk over her legs, warm and heavy. No wonder Dashiell loves this dog so much; he's Dash's own little weighted blanket. Huge weighted blanket. He wants to be a lapdog apparently.

"Good boy," she murmurs, stroking her fingers over the soft, fine hair at his skull, back from his nose, around his ears. It's soothing, and the weight on her legs actually does calm her heart rate, ground her.

She and her kid have a lot more in common than she wants to admit, don't they? His issues are her issues. She does remember being rather an insomniac as a kid, but she has the attitude of her daughter - nothing will make her admit weakness. So her parents never really knew. And now, she runs flat out most of the time, drops into bed exhausted, her mind shut down.

She still has moments, seasons of insomnia where she can't get her brain to turn off. But Castle is good for that.

Kate slides her phone on with a little grin, texts him something dirty just because she's thinking of him, and then scrolls through her contacts with the dog watching.

She should just do it. Just call Montgomery already.

She gets a text back though.

_That is cruel and unusual punishment. And until I say apples, it's all fair game, babe. What else you wanna do to me?_

Kate barks out a laugh and leans her head against the back of the couch, stroking Rex absent-mindedly with one hand when he lifts his nose to look at her.

Mm, Rick. He's good for her.

_Sorry, have a phone call to make. Just giving you food for thought._

And then she calls Montgomery.

* * *

He can't even express how relieved he feels when she texts him. Dirty as it is, hot and uncomfortable as it makes him, he needed that.

He wants to keep that little text, savor it, maybe show it to her as proof tonight, but he's wary of letting that kind of thing hang around. Jeez, the press would just. . .

Yeah, he's deleting it.

Gina comes back into the office with the stack of YA projects and he takes a pile from her hands, slipping his phone back into his pocket. They have a huge deadline coming up, they have to make a presentation to the board, and then there's the last three chapters of his novel, Felix, that he still hasn't gone through the edits on.

"Hey, have you looked at Felix?" Gina says, not at all smoothly.

"Yeah, I've still got to do that."

"Why don't you do one chapter right now while I get this organized? I'll call Matt and Kim and have them hold off for an hour."

"We really can't afford an hour," he says, shaking his head. "I'll do it at home tonight. Kate'll keep me up."

"Thanks, Rick. Just the mental image I wanted."

He flushes and laughs, quirking an eyebrow at her because, despite that dirty text from his wife, that's not what he was thinking about. She's smirking back at him.

"Call Matt and Kim on in here," he says instead. "We've got to get this done."

* * *

No one answers.

Kate hangs up and bites on her bottom lip, studying the rain streaking the study windows. She pulls the afghan off the back of the couch and draws it over her shoulders.

No answer. For a week now.

She's strangely relieved. She doesn't want to have this conversation; she wants to keep the information away from herself. What if Montgomery gives in and tells her the name of the guy behind everything?

Then what does she do? Go after him. Of course, of course she does, but she doesn't have the time for that - she has preschool pick-up and her regular cases and Castle is behind at work and her son is needy and her daughter won't demand the attention but she needs it too, and what is she supposed to do?

She can't go after this. She can't. And as beautiful and sweet as it is for her husband to offer, he can't either. They have a life.

She calls Montgomery again though, because it's true that Lockwood was targetting him, and it's important that he know. He's still her Captain, no matter who sits in that office, no matter what he's done. He made something of her when she was raw and grieving and obsessive; Mike Royce made her a cop, but Roy Montgomery made her into a detective. She's lost one of them because of his damn mistakes; she's not letting the other one go.

It rings and rings. It's not even the out of service message. It just keeps ringing.

Did anyone search the Montgomery's home for more than just what might be stolen?

She calls Ryan, knows she's interrupting just from the screams in the background. "Sorry, Kev. You got the boys?"

"Picked 'em up from school," he says, sounding abashed. Of course he did, of course he went straight to his kids' school and took them home. And now they're running rough-shod all over him.

"I had a thought," she starts. "Did we find the Montgomery's phones at their place?"

"We weren't looking for phones."

"I ask because they went to Jamaica and maybe they didn't even bring their phones. No international plan, so what's the point, right?"

"Could be. That would explain why he's not getting in touch with us."

She hums to herself, hears Ian on the other end crying about his brother. "Sorry. Go, go. Deal with the terrible two."

"Thanks. I - I think Jenny's gonna kill me. I should've left them in school."

She hangs up to a chorus of hearty _NO_s issuing from the boys, smiling to herself. They're both actually well-behaved; Jenny keeps them in line and Ryan is the one who issues out the punishments. But she knows how it feels to come that close - to see death waiting for you - and so Ryan's probably being a pushover.

Still. The phones. Maybe she ought to search their house. If they bought a disposable phone with an international plan, or even just bought a calling card, then that would explain things. Or what if they only had Evelyn's phone on them and left Roy's at home?

She remembers the hang-dog look on his face in the basement office of the Old Haunt, the bags under his eyes and the way his skin seemed to drape from his neck. He was beaten down; he talked fast, trying to make her understand, trying to win back her favor, but she fell apart and ran out.

She made Castle deal with it because she couldn't. But it's time to deal with it now.

Maybe after she makes some coffee.

* * *

She calls his son with the hot mug of coffee cradled to her chest, back in her spot on the couch. The dog was miffed at moving, but he's lying on top of her legs again.

Evan answers after a few rings, a question in his voice.

"Hey, it's Kate Beckett," she starts.

He draws in a breath. "Have you gotten in touch with my dad?"

She presses a thumb to her bottom lip, fiddling with the raw spot. "No. I haven't. Evan, I was wondering if your parents even took their phones with them."

"Why wouldn't they?"

"They wouldn't have cell service. It's expensive to switch to an international plan," she explains.

"No, but - okay. I didn't think of that, but-"

"You didn't see your father's cell phone at the house, did you?"

"No, but I wasn't looking for it." He sounds agitated, his words clipped.

"Evan, have you heard from your mother?"

"No!" he explodes. "No one. I can't get in touch with anyone. It's driving me crazy."

"I assumed. . .what about when they landed in Jamaica?"

"No, that's what I've been saying. I haven't heard from them at all."

"Weren't they visiting some family? Have you tried calling them?"

"What?" Evan says, his confusion so startling and sudden that a weight falls over Kate's heart. "What family? We don't have family in Jamaica."

"Your dad said. . .Evelyn has family there."

"No. Not that I know of. I mean, I'd know, right? Wouldn't I know? What do I not know, Kate? There's something I don't know, that none of you will tell me, and I'm imagining the worst because I can't get in touch with anyone in my family."

"Wait. _No one_? What about the girls?" she says, cold terror trickling through her.

"Not the girls either. Becca and I are pretty close, and she always calls me back. But nothing in over a week. Mary never really - she's flighty and dramatic and I kept assuming she was punishing me for something, but it's been three weeks since I talked to her."

Holy shit.

Kate struggles out from under the dog, gets to her feet to pace the room, coffee mug abandoned to the desk. "Okay. All right. This is new information for me, Evan, so I've got to make some phone calls and then I'll get back in touch with you."

"No, don't hang up. No one has told me anything and I need-"

"Evan, it's important that I tell my team about this. I need for you to wait for me to call you. I will call you."

"You promise," he repeats raggedly.

"I promise." She can hear how unconvinced he is and she continues on, trying to reassure him. "Hey, I promised my daughter I'd bring her lizard to show and tell, even in the middle of one of the craziest cases, and I made it. So I think you can trust me to call you back, Evan."

He gives a halting laughing and breathes in a long gulp of air. "Okay. All right. Thank you."

She hangs up on him before he's even finished, and then she calls Esposito.

She has no idea what's going on, but they have _got_ to figure this out.


	59. Chapter 59

Castle takes her call, rushing to the doors as he answers and slipping out of the conference room. It was just a brain storming session anyway; they'll be fine without him.

"Kate?"

"Hey, you said to call-"

"Yeah, I did. How'd it go with Montgomery?"

She gives a frustrated little sound and he can practically see her pacing. "He didn't answer."

"Oh, sorry, babe. I know-"

"No, I mean - I'm not sure he made it to Jamaica."

"What?"

"I called Evan and he said they don't have any family there-"

"Whoa, wait. No. Roy said-"

"I know, so I ask Evan if he's heard from them, and he tells me it's not just his parents that he can't reach - it's his sisters too."

He hates it when she switches tenses in the middle of telling a story - she does it when she tells Dash and Ella her Beckett stories, and it totally irritates him, but at this moment the irritation is riding the cresting wave of his frustration and no small amount of dread, and he's not sure what to say.

"Castle? Did you hear me? He can't reach the girls either."

"I - I heard you." He bows his head against the glass window outside the conference room, staring down into snarled traffic, a grey day. The sleet is coming down in pellets now, hard balls of ice, and he's grateful he's not out in it. "Did you try calling them?"

"I did," she answers. "They didn't pick up. I called Mary's room mate - remember I had her number because she baby-sat for us that one time?"

"Oh yeah. Smart. What'd she say?"

"She said Mary told her she was going on a trip with her boyfriend."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"What's going on?" he mutters, lifting his head from the window and rubbing his fingers against the cold-numbed spot. "Did he take the girls and go underground? Why not Evan? Why-"

"Castle. I've called Velasquez and Karpowski in on this - they're just chasing down the girls for me. Last known, that kind of thing. They know that Montgomery was on Lockwood's hit list, so they're gonna do it right."

"Did you tell Evan-"

"I did. Called him back before I called you."

He rubs his fingers at that spot on his forehead, absent-mindedly, his brain somewhere else.

"Castle."

"Yeah, I'm here. Just. Stunned."

"It doesn't make any sense to me why he'd take the girls, but not Evan. If Evan were a cop too, or had some kind of Army training, something - I'd understand him thinking that Evan could take care of himself-"

"Evan's married, though. Or he's engaged. I can't remember-"

"Engaged I think."

"So he's got a set life. He's an accountant, right?"

"Mm," she agrees hesitantly.

"So to Roy - what? He's thinking, the girls will have to restart school - wait, Mary's in college but Rebecca's not - she's out, right?"

"Mary's in cosmetology school. Rebecca just graduated college."

"There you go. They're not set yet. I mean, as a father of daughters, I get it - Alexis is set in her life - she's got a career, she knows what she's doing, she has a track - she's engaged too. But Ella? She's not set. She'd come with me."

"You'd leave Alexis but not Ella?"

"I'd - I'd - no. I - I can't answer that." He winces and rubs at his jaw. "Honestly, I never want to have to make that choice. But if I did - if that was what I was facing - life on the run-"

"Oh," she says softly. "Yeah, I'd want Alexis to have a normal life. I'd want that for Ella too, but she'd need us."

"Yeah."

"Damn it. He took the girls and ran?"

He sighs. "I don't know, Kate. It's a theory."

"It's a good one."

"What else is there?"

She grunts. "Well, there's this idea: Lockwood - or someone like him - has already gotten to them."

"Evan-"

"I sent a unit to his place. Gates won't let me have it for long though. Not without evidence of foul play."

"Those photos aren't evidence?"

"My kid is in those photos more than Evan is."

He growls at that, but he knows she's right.

"Speaking of my kid," she murmurs. "Your mother's picking him up for piano lessons."

Castle laughs, a release, a redirect of tension. "Sounds good."

"Might sound terrible. But I think your mother's pretty excited."

"She's a relentless teacher, but she makes it fun."

"You had fun learning?"

"Touche," he murmurs back. He hated it. "But Dash - right up his alley."

"Ah, the rules, you mean?"

"Yes. She's a demanding taskmaster. He'll love the attention and the strict expectations she'll put on him. Plus he loves the drama. One stumbling note, and the world is over."

"Good point," she remarks. "He is a male diva in the making - just like his daddy."

"Oh, ha, ha."

"Oh darn, I need to leave to pick up Ella before your mother gets there. I want Dash to see me before Gram gets him."

"You want him to see you, or you want to see him?" he teases.

He can practically hear her huffing at him through the phone.

"Fine. Go, Kate. Pick up Ella. I'm going to try to get home before dinner but-"

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry. Do what you need to do. Did you fire that guy yet?"

He huffs back. _Now_ he can hear her smirking at him.

"Not yet. That's - another day's issue. I did talk to Gina about it though."

"Oh, go you," she murmurs, sounding surprised. "Proud of you, baby."

He laughs and rolls his eyes at that, hears her laughing softly too. "Okay, enough making fun of me. Go get our kid."

"Going."

She hangs up on him before he gets a chance to tell her he loves her, but he figures they already said it a hundred times in that conversation anyway.

* * *

Kate makes it in time to find Dashiell and let him know the plan. He's not thrilled she's interrupted his after-school free time in the big play room, at least not at first, but when she tells him Gram is taking him to the studio to start piano lessons, he throws his arms around her in a huge hug.

Right in front of all his friends.

"Awesome. Oh Momma, that is so awesome."

Wow, even a momma in there too. Kate grins into the top of his head and releases him, resists the urge to smack him with a kiss, loud and wet, right on the cheek. That'd be pushing it.

She finds Ellery on the other side of the big play room, wearing a knight's chain mail and a fireman's hat, wielding a magician's wand with sparkly glitter and streamers. Kate lifts an eyebrow at the get-up, but Ellery sheds it all when Kate comes into view.

She's wriggled free of her dress-up clothes in seconds and she's making a beeline for her mother, wrapping her arms around Kate's knees in a fierce and crazy hug that degenerates into climbing up her mother's legs.

Kate leans over and plucks her off. "You're not a monkey." She kisses both cheeks to make up for putting her away, then smiles. "But if you are my best girl, then how about we go home?"

"Did you take Linc home and put him away, Mommy?"

"I did. And then I took Rex out to the park. I'm all about the Castle pets today."

"I not know," Ellery says, screwing up her face at Kate. Then she runs off and starts gathering her stuff, coat and hat and gloves and backpack - and then artwork and red folder and some clay animal beast thing-

Kate's juggling all the stuff, trying to put it in her daughter's backpack, and she almost misses the excellent maneuver Ellery has for putting her coat on. She's seen it before, but it never ceases to amaze her how clever and simple it is - and Kelly taught it to her.

"Look at that," Kate grins as Ella pops up with her coat on, the girl beaming like crazy, so proud of herself. "You're magnificent at putting on that coat, Ella-Kate." She tugs her forward by the lapels and kisses her nose as she starts to button the coat.

"When's Papa home?"

"This weekend."

"Can I talk to him?"

"He's traveling right now, I think, but I left him a message and told him we all want to talk. So he'll call us soon, I hope."

"Can I talk to GrammyKelly?"

"Oh, is that the name? Grammy Kelly?"

"I not know."

"Hm, well, I'm sure if you ask Papa, he'll let you talk to Ms Kelly too. Grammy. Whatever you want to call her."

"I do just want to call."

Kate laughs at that, presses her lips together to keep from offending her fierce little dragon of a girl, then slings the backpack over one shoulder and picks Ellery up.

"Mom-my," Ella squirms.

"Let me carry you," Kate murmurs back, kissing her cheek. "It's cold and sleeting outside and I like how you-"

"I warm you up!" Ella exclaims, diving into her mother's chest and squirming now with happiness. "I so good at blocking the wind."

"Yeah, you are, my sweet girl," Kate says, heading out of the playroom and towards the lobby's sign out sheet. She catches Dashiell's eye as she goes, winks at him; he blushes even at that and kind of waves her off.

When they get to the front and Kate has to crouch down to sign out her daughter on the clipboard, she hears Ella's startled intake of breath, feels her whole body tense.

Kate finishes her signature in a hurry, prints her name in a scrawl, and then stands to draw back, look at Ellery.

"Hey. Ella?"

"Mommy. It snows."

Kate spins around to look out the windows, making Ellery twist and crane her neck to keep it all in sight, and sure enough - it's snowing.

"Oh."

And there's Martha, carefully climbing the steps to the preschool entrance, bundled up in a thick cream coat, the hood lined in fur and framing her face elegantly. Kate stares past her for a second, watching the snow, and then she realizes that Martha isn't making the trip as quickly as she might.

Kate's concern peaks and she heads for the door, opens it up for Castle's mother, and then goes out to the steps and puts a quick, strong arm under Martha's. She doesn't say anything, neither does the older woman, but it strikes Kate just then that Martha - isn't getting any younger.

It's just being careful on snow and ice, which is important and so smart of Martha, it really is, but Kate's left numb with the vision of Martha making her slow and agonizingly cautious way up the steps.

Ellery is quiet in Kate's arms, evidently still entranced with the snow, and Martha makes a production out of the girl, as she usually does, kissing her cheeks and squeezing her knee and being her same, vibrant self.

Ella withdraws under the attention, just as Kate always did, that reserved and intensely private nature unable to handle the stimulus, the emotion, the drama. Dashiell eats it up, loves his Gram's every over-the-top gesture, but Ella has trouble. Her love is no less, just harder to express in the face of this kind of overwhelming display.

To Martha's credit, she never stops trying to engage the girl.

"Kate, dear one, how are you?"

Kate has learned, Kate's the adult; she knows how to redirect that energy and spark and fire into the world around them and not at herself. She kisses Martha back and grins.

"I'm good. New captain sent me home, so I got to come up for show and tell with the dragon."

Martha makes the right noises over that, which coerces Ella a little, draws her out.

"Ellery Queen, did you have mommy come for show and tell? What a fabulous show and tell it must have been! Did all of your friends get to see him? What did you name again? Grover Cleveland?"

Ella gives a fierce look at that, but Kate's almost sure that Martha mistook the name on purpose.

"Abe Lincoln," Ella says, intensity riding off of her in waves.

Kate squeezes her leg and prompts more conversation. "What did you tell your friends about your dragon, huh, Ella? Tell Gram."

Ellery shoots her mother a baleful look, but turns back to Gram and starts quietly explaining how she cares for her dragon. Martha says all the right things, probes when she has to, constantly reassures Ellery the information is well-received. All the things the speech therapist told them a year ago, when Ella refused to speak.

Martha's good with the kids, even if some of the particulars of Dash's issues don't always stick with her. She's good _for_ the kids, like this, making Ellery open up.

She and Kate both spend too much time in that private world, that insular world, but Martha doesn't let anyone be in their own world for long.

"Okay, dear ones, I'm going to pick up Dashiell."

"Thanks, Gram," Kate says, leaning in to kiss her good-bye. "Want help getting him to your car?"

She hopes it didn't sound like she was calling Martha's abilities into question, and she tenses a little, waiting for it, but Martha only laughs it off.

"He's a handful, but I can manage him well enough. You go, go, dear. I'm fine. Ellery Queen, your beauty takes my breath away, my dark-eyed love, as always." She leans in and kisses Ella again, lays her hand on Kate's arm and squeezes reassurances. So she did catch that Kate was worried about her getting down the stairs.

Kate and Ella both are left blushing in the lobby.

* * *

The whole drive home, Kate wishes Ellery was able to ride in the front seat; she longs to see the girl's face.

"Oh, Mommy, it does come and come," she breathes out.

Kate cranes her neck, gets a glimpse of the wonder and awe on her daughter's face before she has to turn back around, keep her eyes on the road. The driving conditions are treacherous with the ice under the fine layer of quickly melting snow, and she doesn't trust the other drivers not to suddenly put on their brakes.

"It's beautiful, isn't it, baby?"

"It's so pretty. It can be all over."

"When we get home, we'll go up on the roof and watch it come down."

"Oh yes."

Kate lapses into silence so she can concentrate, and Ellery does as well, attentive to the outside world. Kate glances back at her from time to time, unable to keep away, and her daughter's eyes don't blink, don't stray from the window, her little face half-hidden by the hood of her coat.

It takes almost twice as long to get to their building, but when she does, she parks and takes the girl out of the back, unbuckling her quickly.

"Okay, let's run and dump all of our stuff upstairs, get on our boots, and go to the roof."

"Yes, yes, yes," Ellery says, breathless, her hand clasped together.

Kate's heart might break open; it really might. Ridiculous how much it means to her, this moment. She usually hates the snow - it turns slushy and gross in the city, and it means traipsing in cold and wet shoes all day while her team canvasses a neighborhood.

At least, it usually does. Not today.

The elevator ride is long, both of them silent with anticipation, and Kate fumbles the keys at the lock as she gets them inside. Ellery moves to the staircase, but Kate snags her by the hood.

"Leave your stuff on the floor, Ella. Just right here. We'll get it later."

"We will?" she says, surprise mingling with her delight.

Kate laughs. "I know, so not like me. But I'm serious. Your boots are right here in the coat closet and mine are just in my room. Can you get yours on while I get mine?"

"Yes. I can. For sure, for sure." Ellery bobs her whole body in agreement, head, shoulders, torso. Kate smiles and searches the top shelf for the little girl's rainboots, then pulls them down.

"Oh, my boots are ducks!"

"Yeah, just like at school, huh?" Not planned, but an awesome coincidence. Kate leaves her to struggle them on and heads for the master bedroom. She scans the shelves of her shoes (really, she has entirely too many pairs of shoes; Castle has got to stop encouraging her whenever they go shopping), finds a pair of solid black boots, furry insoles, and steps out of her heels.

She yanks them on quickly, zipping up the sides and over her jeans, and then comes back to the foyer to find Ella. Her daughter is still struggling with her boots, so Kate squats down and straightens them up, gets them on past her heel. "There you go."

Ellery bounds up, making a break for the door like she's channeling her older brother. Kate follows her back out, shutting the door and pocketing the keys, then grabs her by the hand to keep her from getting on the elevator alone - which she would, and has done before, and scared the crap out of Kate. Dash did it too.

Kate calls the elevator herself, leans down to cup Ellery's face with her hands. She kisses her nose, straightens up as the elevator dings, and then leads her daughter on.

"You ready?" Kate says, pushing the R for roof access.

"Ready, Freddy."

Kate grins down at her. "You know the snow is cold, right?"

"You say it."

"I did say that. But I mean, it's very cold, but it probably won't stick. No snowmen. I don't want you to be disappointed."

"Oh."

"The buildings are so warm, the ground is so warm - the snow just melts."

"Oh. But not in the sky? Just when it's all the way down?"

"That's right, just when it comes into contact with us or the earth."

The elevator doors open onto a short hall that ends in a metal door. Kate fishes her keys out of her pocket and unlocks it, Ellery practically dancing at her side. She pushes it open and it goes easily; the roof gets used a lot in the summer, so it's well-maintained.

Ellery clutches her jeans as they exit onto the wooden deck built for the building's tenants. Kate lets the door swing shut, pushes her keys back into her coat pocket. She leans over and takes Ellery's hand as they step out past the deck and onto the crunch of roof paper.

Ella's mittens are still in her backpack, and her little fingers are cold, but Kate's not about to suggest they leave and go get them.

Ella is blinking in wonder, snowflakes sticking to her lashes before melting suddenly, dropping lightly into her hair, touching down like fairies before dissolving. Kate squats down to get eye level with her daughter, glances around the roof at the huge open sky, the grey clouds, and the singular, solitary snow dancing in front of them.

"Mommy."

Kate turns and looks at Ellery, but the girl isn't looking at her, won't break her gaze from the view.

"Yeah, baby girl?"

But Ella has no words, only the open-mouthed wonder, and the slow turn of her head to see everything.

And Kate has to pull her phone out, thumb on the video app, and start recording. When those blue eyes turn to the camera, they don't even see it, or her mother, just the round and wide world, and the way it releases the snow, flake by flake.

"Mommy."

"Yeah," she says quietly, matching the softness in Ella's voice.

"Mommy, God made me snow."

And then she sends it to Castle, wishing he were here.


	60. Chapter 60

Dash is going to be perfect at piano.

He can already tell.

Gram never stops talking and this is nice for him because he can talk back or he can say nothing much at all, but the end answer is the same - Gram keeps talking. She has stories too, but they are always acted out; she can never just have words creating buildings and people and time - it has to be her whole body.

Dash likes to watch her and make up her rules. A grunt like that is _Don't interrupt_ and then her eyebrows jumping is _Don't you see it too?_ but then when she clasps her hand at her neck, he's supposed to know it's _Isn't that frightful?_ He's gotten good at it; Julie says it's important to watch people first to know what they want from you. Since he's five now, he's smart about people. Almost as smart as Ellery.

But the piano.

He is going to be very smart at piano. Not as much fun as the laser gun game, but he and Gram get to make all that sound, those pounding sounds that shake the whole room. He could feel the songs in his chest, and up his legs into his knees, and then down into his littlest finger no matter what it was. He likes the things that make his whole body light up.

Gram is slow on the sidewalk, and he tries not to get _underfoot_ but apparently he gets there, even though she doesn't step on him at all, not once. Still, this is another word that means an idea but not the thing itself, which is so frustrating to not know ahead of time, to only find out when it's over. Now he knows, of course, that he is _underfoot_ but since he never heard it before, he's already broken a rule and they aren't even _inside_ yet.

He pushes it away. It clouds him up, but like Mom tells him, he gets out his sunshine and burns away the clouds. His sunshine is his power, like Superman, and he laser eyes the whole rule - zap zap zap - good bye _underfoot._

"My wonderful man, look through here," Gram is saying, and he hurries to catch up. They are outside her studio, at the door that all the people use who aren't the public, like Gram calls them, and he gets to go inside that door too. When he steps inside, everything is dark, like a hand has come over the sun. Warm dark, with the ice and rain at his back that sometimes looks like snow.

Enough like snow that Ellery will be so happy. That's good too. That's good sun right there. Ellery gets to see the snow.

"What do you see, Dashiell Ham? And keep your voice down, they're practicing."

He wrinkles his nose because there's always smells first. Not things for his eyes, but inside his nose, crawling up there. Dead things and old things and wood - but that's fresh and sharp like a branch breaking - and then those things give him the things to see.

"Are we backstage?" he whispers. It's like a hall made up of tall wood, and some of it is painted, but all of it is narrow and close, crowding him. Only his voice echoes like it's wide wide open and he doesn't like the way his sound comes back to him and crawls down his neck.

"That is correct; we're backstage. Smart kiddo. And you gave your answer in what we call a stage whisper."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because it's not whispering at all."

He grins. "Stage whisper," he murmurs, rolling it around on his tongue, tasting it. Stage whisper is not a whisper. Maybe because people on stage are not the people they really are, but the stories they are trying to tell. Gram has great stories that she tells with all kinds of people for like an _hour_ or more, and Mom and Dad take him sometimes to see.

"Much better whisper. Come with me, darling boy; we'll tour."

"Okay, but piano?"

"Never fear. We shall arrive at the piano at the end of our tour."

Gram takes him by the hand, but he can't do that with Gram or anybody really. Only Mom and Dad and Ellie. He squirms his hand out of hers and follows close, because when he can't hold a hand, they think it's better if he's close so they can maybe grab him just in case.

He does like to run, that is true. But he just can't hold her hand. It doesn't feel right - the skin is wrong over the knuckles, and sometimes it's puffy or hard suddenly, and then with Gram it's got a way of being like paper but without any words, just too thin like she might break. He can't do it. Mom's hand is just right and exactly what he needs; it feels like he's got his own hand when he's really just got Mom's.

And Dad's hand is so big, so huge, it covers everything. His hand is so big it makes everything okay, forces Dashiell's hand to be good with it.

"This is - as you have discovered - backstage. We have one stage - space is at a premium, you know - and we have rooms above the audience's viewing box. See through there?"

He lets her direct his head even though he doesn't like that either (Dad says sometimes you have to do things you don't like to make people you love feel better). He does see then, the way the curtain comes down and thick and then splits and the black stage juts out over into so much more darkness - but then he doesn't see the rooms she means.

"The lights are very bright," he says, trying to not stage whisper even though he is almost on the stage. Backstage. But backstage does not make him into a boy telling a new story. Still just Dashiell - not MacBeth or Hamlet or Horatio or Tybalt.

"The lights are bright so every seat in the house can see the performance."

"Ella would like this," he says, thinking about how she wants to see it all, everything, but no one to see her. "Maybe. I think." She might like the audience better, but if it was that place way up high where the lights are, above everything else.

"All right, let's keep moving. The director is shooing me."

"Shoe?"

"Like, shoo fly, shoo. You know," she says, making a scooting motion with her hand as she tugs him towards a staircase inside a hallway! The hallway goes up and the stairs go up and they pass the stage and the audience all on his right, going up higher and higher.

Ar they shoo flying now?

"Shoo. Not like this?" he says back, kicking out with his foot. It's a good kick, but it knocks Gram off-balance and she grabs for the walls, and nearly goes down and his heart pounds so hard because she doesn't look good, her face is grey, and even though he grabs onto her, she would never stop falling if she fell.

And then she's fine, she's okay, her face is back to being the same and happy and so much all over it, but he can't stop thinking about how she would fall and fall down the stairs and it would be his fault like when he burned Momma's hand.

"Careful, my wild man, careful careful. Come this way. And no, that is a shoe with an 'e' and that was a shoo with another 'o' - two words. Two different words."

"One sound," he murmurs, letting himself think about how to shooe someone, build a picture of how to shooe someone instead of the falling. Shooe like shoo with a shoe. That could be a thing you did, but then you'd just be kicking, right? And Mom would get mad if he just kicked Ella to get her to go away.

"All right, here are the classrooms-"

"They're like the stage, but smaller," he notes, standing on the threshold as Gram pushes him on. They are tiny stages, room-sized with even a little audience - those chairs at one end. There's a class going on in the next two, so Gram takes him into what she calls the practice room.

It's all carpet, everywhere, like someone went crazy when they ordered and just thought, oh I'll put it up all over and use it up because it's already here.

He presses his fingers against it but it's not soft - it's like little bristles on a caterpillar, all reaching to stick to his hand. He brushes his palm off on his jeans and shifts away from the wall.

"Here we are, wild man. Your piano for today."

He turns around, the feeling of the alive, caterpillar wall still clinging to his skin, and he finds the big brown piano - totally different from his at home. Scattered around it are microphones and boxes like speakers - but they are huuuuuge compared to the one Dad has his for ipod. And he can't see any place in them to even put the ipod.

But the piano is right in the middle of it, so it must be more stuff to make music.

"This one doesn't lie down," he exclaims, darting for the piano.

Gram doesn't snatch him in time and he gets to dive straight onto the bench and slide on his butt down the seat until he skids to a stop. Gram's right there to collar him - really with his collar, yanking him back.

"Rules. There are rules, my wild man."

"Rules," he breathes out, smiling at the brown thing with its black and white sticks lined up in already neat rows. "The black ones should all be with the white ones," he says. They should rearrange them - maybe if he can pry them off?

"No, they shouldn't. That is how they go. First the rules, then we talk about black and white."

"Okay," he agrees, then feels her scooting him - shooing! him - over on the bench so she can sit too. She smells rich; she always has one strong smell that knocks him flat. It's a good thing because it takes away all the other smells so that there's only just Gram and nothing else. Sometimes he likes to run to Gram and put his face close to her dress and breathe for a minute so the noises and the smells and the talking will all go away. Like when Dad gives him a hug and it's so hard that it resets his whole body, like when his video game is busted and he has to reset it so it works again - that's what his body and his brain do too.

"This is your bench," Gram says, pounding the heel of her hand into it. "Got it? You only and ever sit UP on the bench."

"No sliding," he says, getting it already. He's good with rules.

"Correct. Here's the piano. It's an upright, so yes, it doesn't sprawl out into the space like yours at home. That's okay, it's good enough for practice. But I like your father's better as well."

"It's Dad's piano?"

"Yes, well, yes. It is. I made him buy it long before you were born."

"Cool. Lots of things happened before I was born. Did you know that?'

Gram gives him a look with those eyebrows that fly up like birds and her mouth a wide and red thing like a balloon. Happy surprise with something else in it too. Is she laughing at him?

"I imagine quite a number of things happened before you were born and an infinite more will happen after you die. Now-"

After he dies?

"This is your piano and here are the keys, feel them with your fingers."

She takes his hand and he puts the other one up too, lets his fingers rub over them, so very smooth and cool. After he dies infinite things will happen? Without him? Like when he has to go to bed and Mom and Dad do fun things downstairs and he doesn't even get to see it?

He dies and all the fun starts.

That's so not cool.

"Here are the white keys, Dashiell. And here are the black keys."

"The Black Keys!" He grins at her, hears Ellie's favorite song hum in his head like pushing play. "Ellery loves them."

"Well, you shall love them as well. See, the black keys are in groups of twos and threes. Play first all the twos and then all the threes."

He watches her run his fingers over the twos and threes. Then he shakes her off and plays all the twos all the way down and then back for the ones he missed, and then Gram makes him start with the threes all on the left and go alllll the way to the right. Whew, it's a long way and he doesn't even reach. He's not exactly UP at the end, like the rule says, but Gram seems to be okay with it.

"Very good. Did you hear what happened when you started here and went all the way down here?"

He glances at the different sides of the piano, replays the sounds in his head one after another. "It wasn't a song but it went like a song."

"It goes from low to high. This is the high side and this is the low side."

"Oh, like Dad and Mom. Mom is more like this," he says, pushing on the sound in the middle, then Dad a little ways to the side of her.

"Oh, well, yes. Actually, huh, that sounds quite a bit like your father. Do that again."

He pushes his fingers into the black keys and hears the way it booms around the room. When he pushes fast and hard it booms more, more, more-

"Stop! That's another rule!"

He stops, arrested by the cut of her voice over the boom. "A rule?"

"You never, ever bang the keys."

"Never?"

"Ever."

"But I like it."

"It's a rule. Steadfast. You can make the note sound louder by pressing first lightly and then harder, but never bang on it."

"Okay," he sighs, and lets his thumb push into the note very very lightly, so lightly that it's almost a nothing sound, and that's funny because it's close to the low side like Gram said, and it should be Dad's sound, but it's Dad's sound with a different meaning. A new word in the middle of the words he knows when Dad says them, like Dad isn't talking to him anymore, but maybe to Momma and they're being soft with each other.

Words are sounds and they are also on a page like something to see. They make pictures too, and he likes the pictures better than the sounds, but these are interesting sounds.

"Now, do you see the piano has a name?"

"A name?" He follows her finger and sees the name printed above the keys. "Oh, it does! I can't read that."

"Try it."

"Y-you-"

"Ya-"

"Yammy? Except there are more letters."

"Yamaha."

"Mm, I like that." The piano's name is Yama-ha. It's a laugh that tastes good.

"Take your finger and point between the first and second letter. The 'y' and the 'a' here."

He lets her do that too; Gram likes to do, to move, to always be adjusting him and he's okay with that because it helps him sometimes - he always knows where she's at and she always knows where he is too. He has his finger pointed at the small space between the letters, and then Gram pushes down onto the key.

"That's always Middle C," she says, and pushes on his finger so he hears it again, again, again. "Middle C."

He feels it swell in him so perfectly and he grins up at Gram. "I get it." He darts down to the other end and pounds (it is not banging at all) on the keys there. "These are the high seas. And then this is the middle sea." He lunges to the other end, low and deep seas. "And this is Davey Jones's locker!"

When Gram laughs and laughs and laughs, he knows he's not right. It's not perfect.

At all.

But at least she's laughing. That sounds just as good as being perfect at the piano.

Maybe better.


	61. Chapter 61

The two of them are just sitting on the roof deck, Ellery in Kate's lap to keep her off the cold wood, watching the slow slide of already melting snow from the sky when Kate's phone rings.

Ella startles so badly at the intrusion that she clutches Kate's wrists in a death grip, but Kate laughs softly and untangles her daughter's fingers, slides her hand into her coat pocket to grab her phone. She's wrapped Ella in her open coat, and the shift of her daughter makes a cold chill slide down her back.

She answers when she sees it's Allie. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hey, Mom. Where are you?"

"Um. On the roof actually."

Allie laughs, a puff of air really, and Kate snakes her arm around Ellery's waist to hold her still. "It's your sister," she mouths, pulling her head and the phone away from Ella's outstretched, grasping fingers.

"Why are you on the roof?"

"Ella and I are watching the snow. But getting cold. Why? Where are you?"

"I'm inside your loft," Allie laughs. "Dad told me you had the rest of the day off."

"Oh, you called him?" Kate murmurs, shifting her grip on Ella so she can stand. She lets the girl slide down her legs to the ground, keeping hold of her hand, and moves towards the door. "How'd he sound? He's crazy busy."

"He sounded crazy busy, yeah," Alexis answers. "Which button is the roo-" A laugh. "Never mind. Got it."

"You coming up here or want us inside?" Ellery shakes her mother's hand off.

"I'm coming to you. Just unlock the door for me? I don't have that key anymore."

"Sure," Kate murmurs. And then her phone cuts out - Alexis must have gotten on the elevator.

She slides her phone back into her coat pocket, shivers as she fishes for her keys. Ellery is dancing at the edge of the wooden deck, and Kate frowns, unlocks the roof access door. "Step back, baby."

"I not a baby-"

"Ellery Kate. Do as I say."

Ella huffs but steps back from the edge of the wooden deck, coming back mutely to her mother's side. Kate brushes her fingers through Ella's hair; her hat is stuffed in Kate's pocket because the girl kept ripping it off. Tendrils of hair have stuck to her cheeks and neck, melted snow sticking them to her skin.

"You know the rules," she murmurs quietly, the door propped open with her hip as she waits for Allie. "Can't go past the wooden deck without a hand to hold."

"I wasn't," Ella says suddenly, lifting her face to her mother. "I was on the deck. I didn't go past it, Mommy."

Kate thumbs her chin. "I know. And I told you to step back - it was too close for me. You do as I say, not as you want."

Ellery's nostrils flare in silent rebellion, but she drops her eyes and stays at Kate's side. The elevator dings and then slides open smoothly; Allie steps out with her purse in the crook of her arm, looking for all the world like Martha must have when she was Allie's age. It takes Kate's breath away.

"Hey, Allie. Don't you look gorgeous."

"Aw thanks. Hey, guys. Oh, wow, look at the snow. Hey, my Ella-bean." Allie greets them even as she bends over and scoops Ellery into her arms, giving her smacking kisses. Ellery squirms down into Allie's arms and Kate lets go of the door, letting them all step back out onto the deck.

Allie's hand leaves Ella's back and reaches out for Kate's fingers, squeezing. "You okay?"

Kate startles, her eyes leaving the grey sky to look back at Allie. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just - thinking. How are you guys?"

"We're moved. So I guess that's pretty good."

Allie delivers the news with a half-smile that makes her eyes light up, matching Ellery's in hue. The two side by side like that are startling, really; Ella's got Kate's face, but those eyes are all Castle, just like her sister - crinkling grin in their depths.

"That's great. Everything's switched?"

"Yup. Gram got her stuff at our old place yesterday. And Rafe and I finished moving ours into your old place today. Rafe had a staff meeting at the restaurant, so he had to go, but I wanted to come by and see you guys."

"Have you started unpacking?" Kate says, wincing a little as Allie scrunches her nose.

"Ew. No. I'm so not looking forward to it. But if I let Rafe unpack by himself - ug, I'd never find anything again. He has no sense of organization. Well, except in the kitchen. He's got that down to every last detail."

Kate laughs and glances at little Ella, looking all cozy and snug with her sister, and completely unwilling to go back to the mother who just reprimanded her. "How about we come over? Help you unpack. It'll be just the girls."

Ellery perks up, her eyes darting to Allie then back to her mother. "Can we?"

"Sure," Allie agrees easily. "That sounds like an awesome idea. Plus, I'm off tomorrow. . ." Allie lets that sentence trail off, giving Kate a significant look.

Oh, yeah, Kate gets it. "You seriously want them?" She shakes her head and Allie shrugs, laughing a little. "Dash is at Gram's studio having a piano lesson. He's going to be - he'll need my help to wind down. So maybe after dinner? Come back here for that, all of us, then you guys go?"

"We spend the night with Allie?" Ella pipes up, not at all fooled by Kate's carefully worded questions. "Yay! Allie, we do spend the night with you!"

"Yes, you do. Or - yes if Mom's really okay with it." Alexis gives Kate a sly look. "And that means we've got to get the spare room unpacked before dinner."

Kate laughs at being manipulated, but she would have done it anyway. "Of course. You just wanted my help unpacking. I see how it is."

Allie turns with her back to the roof door, waits as Kate digs out her keys again. "Yeah, but you love me anyway."

"Don't know why," she grumps, giving Ellery an exaggerated wink as she unlocks the door. "I guess my girls are too cute." She leans in and kisses Ella's cheek as Allie passes her into the hallway.

Ellery grins at her over Allie's shoulder, her hand extending towards Kate and her fingers flexing as if to say, _Come on, Mommy._

* * *

"She really is on a trip with her boyfriend," Esposito says into the phone.

Kate sighs and leans up against Allie's fridge, slightly disconcerted to realize it was her fridge just six years ago. Five years ago really. And that's not long at all. So much has changed.

"So. Where's the other sister?"

"Still looking. Credit card was used at a gas station last week. Nothing since."

"Have you talked to Evan?" Kate asks quietly, rubbing her thumb at her forehead as she watches Allie chase a giggling Ellery back into the living room from the master bedroom.

"Yeah, I called him myself, let him know."

"Sorry, Espo. I thought Ryan would keep it between us until-"

"Hey. No. This is stuff I want to know. I don't care what Lanie's told you-"

"She's not there, is she?" Kate smirks.

"She's not. She actually had to work," Espo laughs. "So yeah, I'm going stir crazy. She's supposed to be home in an hour. Anyway."

"Yeah, thanks. We'll clear this up in the morning."

"Adios, Beckett. Tell Suri I can hear her screaming from here and she better pipe down."

Kate grins. "Under no circumstances will I call her Suri, nor will I tell my daughter to be quiet. Both of which you know perfectly well."

But he's already laughing and hanging up on her. She ends the call and shakes her head, turning and catching two pairs of blue eyes on her.

"Tio says hi. Also, he heard you screaming."

"Not me. Allie scream." Ella puffs out indignantly, but Kate doesn't believe her. She heard those giggling screams herself, even if Ella doesn't want to admit to them.

"Okay, how's it look in the guest room?" Kate says, coming for them and flopping down into the couch next to Ellery.

"We not guests. It's _my_ room."

Kate smiles and fingers the tangles in Ella's hair. "It's actually the baby's room." She sneaks a glance at Allie and sees her gaping indignation. Matching looks on her daughters now.

"My room!" Ellery shouts.

"The what? No. NO, Kate Beckett. Castle. Whatever." Allie rolls her eyes when she realizes Kate is smirking. "Not having kids any time soon."

"Well, it was my baby room too," Kate murmurs, smirking at her. "So it's still a baby room to me."

"How it yours?" Ella asks, perking up and relaxing her stiff denial into something curious. She crawls into Kate's lap and grabs Kate by the cheeks, angling her head down. "How it yours, Mommy? What baby?"

Kate laughs and untangles from Ellery's grip. "This is where I used to live. Before you and Dash were born."

Ella swivels around, glancing at the place. "It not yours now? It's Allie's and Rafe's."

"No, it's not mine. I live with you, silly. But back then, I got pregnant with Dashiell and I expected to put him in that room. Your guest room. So it was a baby's room for nine months."

Ellery cocks her head to one side and peers up at Kate, but can't seem to grasp this either. Even though she's heard the story just like Dashiell has.

"I didn't know that," Allie says suddenly.

Kate turns and sees the soft surprise on Allie's face, the flicker of sorrow, and Kate feels her own cheeks flush. "I was stupid," she murmurs.

"Stupid not nice," Ella interrupts.

"I was stupid," Kate says again, firmly, giving Ellery a _hush_ look before she meets Allie's eyes again. "I didn't have any idea, Alexis. No clue. You'll see. It makes you crazy, but it also changes everything. Absolutely everything."

Allie shrugs, as if saying it's no big deal, but Kate saw it in her face - the hurt at even the thought that Kate might have kept herself apart from them, and Dash as well. It wasn't for Allie herself, but probably for her father.

"Well, that's not how it happened," Allie says, giving Kate a strong smile. "I just didn't realize you planned on - on anything else. Here and alone. Honestly, the way Dad went around, it was like he expected you to-"

Allie stops, blushes as she presses a hand over her mouth, eyes shifting to Ella then back to Kate.

"Never," Kate answers. "Never."

Allie nods. "I know. I knew then. I know he did too, Kate. He knew-"

"Well, _I _not know," Ellery huffs at that moment, crossing her arms in Kate's lap. "I not know at all. Talk to me."

Kate laughs so hard, tears start in her eyes; Allie's chuckling too, reaching out for Ellery and stealing her, hugging her sister to her chest. Kate swipes at her cheeks and is about to lean in and snatch Ella back, fight for her a little, let the girl know she's got attention, when her phone rings again.

So she instead kisses Ellery's cheek and digs her phone out of her pocket.

"Hey, it's Daddy," she says as she answers. "Hey Daddy."

"Well hey there. Where's all my people?"

Kate laughs, sighing out a breath as she does. "Your people are at Allie's. You at home?"

"Yeah. Empty loft. Weird."

"Poor baby."

"I want to talk to Daddy-" Ella interrupts, lunging for the phone.

"Wait, cricket." Kate shifts back, batting Ellery's hand away. "Rick-"

"Let's get dinner out somewhere," he's saying. "Want to? Everyone. I'll call my mother and have her meet us."

"Yeah, good idea. We helped Allie unpack." She lifts her eyes to Allie's. "You want to eat out with us?"

"Are you kidding? Of course. Dad always pays," she smirks, winking at Ellery.

Kate hums and goes back to the phone. "Allie says you're paying."

"Aren't I always?" Kate hears him snort on the other. "Okay, let's go somewhere with a bar. I need a drink."

"Old Haunt," she says easily. "And don't drive. I've got the car here. I'll drive us back."

"Oh, you're my favorite," he moans.

She laughs. "Favorite what, Castle? Wife?"

He grunts and she laughs again.

"So not funny, Kate Castle."

"It was a little."

"Hush. Old Haunt. Meet you there in an hour?"

"Sounds good, baby." She bats Ellery's hand away again and sighs. "Talk to your daughter, okay?"

"Is Alexis-"

"Your other daughter."

She hears him laughing even as she hands the phone over to Ella, knows it's because he's surprised. She leans in and kisses Ella's forehead, smoothing her thumb over the spot.

"Be quick, baby. Daddy has to meet us for dinner."


	62. Chapter 62

Castle is the first to arrive and he claims one of the circular booths at the back corner, calls over the waitress. It's Pilar; she's been a fixture here ever since he added on the limited kitchen options. Mostly chicken fingers and burgers, and if he remembers right, it's her boyfriend that does all the grilling and frying.

"Hey, Mr. Castle," she answers, shoving on his shoulder. "It's been forever, man."

"Hey Pilar. It's a tragedy, I know. Work is crazy. I didn't see you at the retirement party-?"

"No, I got a gig that night."

His mind races to recall that information about her, and then he hits on it. "Oh yeah, the Crew Chiefs. Was it good?"

"We rocked out, Mr. Castle," she laughs, shaking her head at herself. "Your family coming? I miss little Dashiell. He's usually out here trying to help."

"Yeah, we came in a lot when he was little, didn't we?"

She shrugs it off as no big deal, but he can see now how annoying that might have been, having his two year old hanging around all the time.

"Yeah, family's coming. Six of us."

"Want drinks to start?"

He glances to the booth and tries to make his best guess. "I'll have a Guinness, three waters. I don't know about Alexis or Mother, so-"

"I'll come by as soon as they get here."

"Thanks, Pilar."

She gives him a little wave of her fingers over her shoulder as she heads back for the bar, sliding past the bartender, Mick, as she moves towards the kitchen. With the extensive tunnels underneath the Old Haunt, Castle managed to finagle a permit to add the kitchen into the existing space, a short staircase built into the back of the bar. It makes his office a little noisy sometimes, but it's tolerable.

Mother and Dashiell arrive first, and he stands to motion them over. Dash comes running, his face electric, cheeks red from the sleet outside.

"Dad!"

"Hey, my man. What's shaking?"

"I had piano," he crows, bouncing on his toes as he comes to an abrupt halt at the booth.

Castle takes his Mother's arm, a little alarmed by the slow way she approached him, gives his son a grin. "I heard you had a music lesson. Did you like it?"

"It's awesome. I made so much noise!"

He grins at his mother and she waves it off. "It was music. He has an ear for it."

Castle doesn't quite believe that, but it's nice that Dash's grandmother is so supportive - especially since it's now her job to teach the wild man. "Well good. Dash, sounds like you were a smashing success."

"No smashing allowed, Dad. No smashing. No banging. No hitting the keys. Soft touch."

"Soft touch," he echoes, smirking at his mother.

"We had an hour and a half of music," Martha starts, sliding into the booth with a grateful look in his direction. "And then tell your father what we did next, my virtuoso."

"Dad, I'm a virtuoso."

"I hear that," Castle laughs, can't help himself. He sinks back into the booth, but lets Dashiell stay standing just by the table. He's on edge, his nervous system overtaxed, and Castle isn't going to force him into a tight booth with all the noise going on in here.

"Gram says that means I'm really good at the music."

"I think that's pretty accurate a definition. Would you like me to-"

"Yes, please. Can I do it?" Dash already has his hand out for Castle's phone to look it up.

"Here, buddy. Stay in one place - no wandering. Can you do that?"

"I can do that. No wandering."

"No circles, too many people in here to let you make circles."

"Da-ad," he whines, huffing at his father. "I don't make circles anymore. I'm five. Julie teached me."

"Taught."

"Taught me. I know how to do it now. Squeezes are better than circles anyway."

Castle hands over his phone. "Want a squeeze now?"

Dashiell's shoulders practically climb to his ears. "No, no. Too much."

"All right, maybe Mom."

Dash is already sucked down into the dictionary app on Castle's phone, and he lets the kid have at it. The focus and concentration on that small screen will help the kid calm down a little, hypnotize him into letting go of the stress of the wide open spaces of his grandmother's studio.

"Mother," he says quietly, looking to her now. He has to lean back as Pilar comes to the table and unloads her tray. Martha orders sweet tea and Pilar reaches down to squeeze Dashiell's arm. It brings him up out of his trance as he stands by the table; his face cracks into a grin.

"Pilar!" he shouts, and Castle's impressed with his accent. Castle himself never manages to say the woman's name just right, but obviously Dash has spent enough time around her to pick it up.

"Hey, it's my buddy. What's up?"

"I had a piano lesson today. With my Gram. It was awesome. I made a ton of noise and it was hard and soft and all kinds in between. They're called notes. I found middle C!"

"Wow, you already know way more about piano than I do."

"I know!" Dash says, spreading both hands.

Pilar laughs, and Castle watches his mother as Dash talks, but Martha is avoiding his gaze steadfastly.

"Okay, buddy, I gotta go back to work. Stay cool, amigo."

"Bye, Pilar." Dash's head goes back down to the dictionary.

"Mother," Castle says, leaning back in the booth and taking a swallow of his Guinness.

She tries waving him off again, but she's less than enthusiastic. He stares her down until she sighs at him.

"Just some dizziness. I think I've got a cold."

"Mother," he starts, leaning forward, but she presses a hand to her forehead.

"It's nothing. Really. No coughing or any of that. Just some tiredness."

He knows he's never been able to make her do anything, and this won't be any different.

"Mom!" Dash calls out.

Castle jerks forward, but Dashiell has already darted for the door, his father's phone curled in his hand, his body colliding with Kate's.

Thankfully, Alexis is holding Ellery, although Castle likes to think that his son would've arrested his full-body flinging before hurting his sister. Kate is knocked backwards as it is, but she's used to it by now. She actually looks like she was expecting it, because she's already crushed him into a huge hug, her mouth against his ear as she kneels in the floor in front of him. Castle can see the kid's body relaxing from here.

Alexis moves around them, ruffling Dashiell's hair with a hand as she brings Ellery over towards them. Martha has already stood to embrace them, kissing their cheeks, and Castle knows now that it isn't a cold. His mother would've made a scene about keeping away from them, bemoaned not being able to hug on her grandkids.

He'll have to talk to Kate about it, see if she's noticed it too.

"Dad," Alexis says, wrapping her arm around him, bringing Ella in close as well. He hugs them, both his girls, and gives them kisses.

"Hey, did you see the snow, Ellery Kate?"

She reaches for him and Alexis lets her go, his little girl's face bright as she comes to him, wraps her arms loosely around his neck.

"I did see so much, Daddy. It was a miracle."

He laughs but smothers it at the look on her face, fierce and protective, like the snow is some special gift, just for her. "Yeah, baby girl, it was. I'm sure it was."

She relaxes, leans into him with a soft, light kiss to his mouth, her hands at his cheeks. "I love you, Daddy. I love my snow."

"Oh, sweet girl, I know you do." He glances down and sees everyone in the booth already, Kate smirking at him with Dashiell huddled into her side.

"Sit down, Daddy," she murmurs, and her eyes are tender on his.

So he sits down with his family.


	63. Chapter 63

He's so full after dinner, and nicely buzzed on top of it, that he doesn't want to move from the warmth of their booth. Somehow he and Kate have managed to sit together with Dash at one side of his mother, then Gram and Ellery and Alexis.

Which means Castle got to have Kate pressed against his side, her hand resting on his thigh all through the meal. He wonders if she's trying to give him some kind of signal or something because she had to eat with her left hand while she kept constant contact with him, and the Guinness is warm and bitter, and Kate let him eat half her french fries even though he's supposed to be staying away from that stuff, and yeah, okay, he's not drunk but he's feeling really good.

It's really a nice moment, and he loves his wife a lot - which is stupid, kinda, because duh, he did marry her and get her pregnant though not exactly in that order, but uh, wow, okay maybe he's drunk? No, no. He had three Guinness with dinner and that can't be enough. He's just tired and glad to not be at work and Kate is just amazing and yeah - people almost died.

"You okay there?" she smirks, gently slapping his cheek.

"I'm tired. It just hit me."

"I can tell, stud."

He grins at that, leers a little, and she just laughs. Not a good sign for his sexual prowess this evening, but he would like to just cuddle.

She seems to see it in his face, because she laughs again and shakes her head at him. "Time to get home and get these kids in the bath."

"And then go to bed?" he says hopefully.

"You can get a head start on that part if you want," she murmurs, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, that's nice."

Kate is pressing her lips together like she's trying so very hard not to laugh at him. Huh, yeah, actually, that's exactly what she's doing.

"Don't make fun," he mutters. She reaches up and strokes his chin, his stubble already pushed through and probably scratching her her skin, but she only looks at him fondly. Affection and amusement in her face.

"Okay, baby, let's get going," she says gently, and leans in to kiss him.

He smiles back at her, curls his arm at her neck to bump foreheads with her. She's a good woman. Not just because she's his wife and she puts up with him and she's a great mom, but just - this - this kind of thing. Being willing to do more when he's feeling like doing less, relentlessly staying up when he's kinda down, giving him gentleness even when he doesn't know he needs it.

"Scoot, Castle," she says, nudging him with a press of her knee. "You guys ready?"

The kids stop bickering about who gets to go down in the tunnels and both turn sharp eyes on their parents. Dash speaks up for them. "I thought we were gonna play in Dad's office."

"Not tonight," Castle murmurs. "It's busy."

"But Dad-"

"If you whine, you go straight to bed," Kate warns.

Dashiell shuts up immediately, gives Ellery a look. Castle is amused to watch his daughter lean in over Gram and then Dash and then Kate, crawling towards him with those big blue eyes so limpid and pleading. She curls up in his lap, arms tucked up into her body, wriggling down.

And her voice, when it comes, is so soft and sighing. "Please, Daddy? We can go for a little bit?"

Kate squeezes his bicep with a warning, but he already knows. He's too tired to keep them out of trouble down there, and he knows they want to go in the tunnels. Since those connect to the kitchens now, he's not willing to closely monitor them.

"No, baby girl," he says quietly, kissing the top of her head. "Good try though."

Dash huffs from across the table, but Castle catches Gram putting a warning hand on his shoulder, deep pressure on his joint that arrests whatever complaint he might have made to that. Castle glances to Kate and she's got a raised eyebrow at their son, almost daring him to keep it up.

Dash screws his face up but he doesn't speak.

"Okay guys, let's get going. Mother - thank you for teaching Dash piano-"

She waves him off and starts her good-byes, reaching over Kate to loudly kiss Ellery. The girl grins and squirms down into him, but Dash throws himself into his grandmother's arms, passionate and ebullient again, hugging her tightly around the neck, talking about the high seas.

Castle nudges Kate. "Can you make sure he doesn't trip her up?"

She nods, gives him a quick look. "You noticed?"

His lips thin at that. "Yeah. You too, huh?"

"Not sure it's anything. But."

"Good night, family," Alexis says into this. Castle turns his head and sees her already standing, shrugging into her coat. He hoists Ella closer to him and stands as well, leaning in to kiss Alexis's cheek.

"Good night, daughter," he says back, grinning at her. She strokes her fingers through Ellery's hair and kisses her, then hugs them both.

"I've got to meet Rafe at the restaurant. Mom, thanks for helping me unpack. You too, little cricket."

Ellery wriggles in happiness in his arms and he sets her back down on the floor so she can hug Gram good-bye while he gets on his coat. Kate is holding it out to him, her own already on; he takes it and lets her help him get into it, feels her tug on his lapels to bring him in close.

He kisses her softly, feels Ellery clutching at his pants leg and leaning out, focuses his attention back on Kate and the satin touch of her lips.

"Yeah, you're a little gone, baby, aren't you?" she murmurs on a laugh.

"No," he protests. "Just feel good. Love you, Kate."

"Uh-huh," she grins. "Think you can carry the baby? - it's a couple blocks."

"I can carry her. Watch me."

"I will be," she warns with a smirk, winking at him when he narrows his eyes at her.

But she only moves past him to hug his mother, kissing cheeks, and he leans down and untangles Ella's grip from his pants, lifts her in his arms. He bundles his coat around her a little, knowing how she hates to be cold, and already Ellery lays her cheek on his chest and closes her eyes.

"Someone's sleepy, huh, baby girl?"

"I do want to play in your office."

"Not tonight, Ella."

She lets out a little sigh and Castle starts to follow his wife and son out before he remembers, heads back for their table, shifting Ellery to one arm. He digs into his back pocket for his wallet, pulls out the cash to more than cover their dinner, and drops it on the table. He does a quick mental calculation, then fishes back into his wallet for another five, not entirely trusting his math on the tip.

Pilar is already heading his way with the bucket to bus the table; she gives him a big grin. "Good night, Mr. Castle. Night-night little star." She taps Ellery on the nose as they leave, and he can feel Ella watching Pilar over his shoulder as he heads for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk, Kate is waiting with Dashiell, both of them with their hands stuffed into their pockets and looking cold. He shakes his head at her questioning look.

"Had to go back and pay."

"Oops," she says with a wince. "I forgot. You had enough?"

He nods. "Cash. But that's fine."

"Yeah," she murmurs. "Allie's riding the subway back with Gram. I kinda might have insisted."

He nods at her. "I'm glad actually."

"I think Allie saw it too; she was the one who brought it up - them heading back together. She says she maybe left something at her old place, but I bet that was an excuse."

"An excuse for what, Mom?"

Castle glances down at Dash, winces at the inquisitive look in his eyes.

"An excuse to go home with Gram," Kate answers immediately.

Castle waits, but Dash seems perfectly fine with that answer and Kate is already heading off down the sidewalk, apparently to wherever it is she parked the car.

Ellery shivers against him and he adjusts her again, wraps one flap of his coat around her little body to block the wind. She presses her fingers to the buttons of his shirt, and then slips her hand inside, surprising him.

Castle laughs, sucking in his chest at the sensation of her cold little fingers. Kate turns her head on the sidewalk, gives him a look. He shakes his head and mouths _Tell you later_, then he drops a kiss to the crown of Ella's hair.

"Cold, baby?"

"Yes, so cold. It's snow cold, but it not snow now."

"No, it stopped snowing. Look how dark it is though, even with all the lights. The cold makes the stars look bright."

"It's dark like a book."

Like a book? He has no idea what that means, but it's probably some piece of a story floating around in her head. "Sure, cricket, just like that."

"You read me a book after bath, Daddy?"

He hugs her a little tighter. "Yeah, Ellery. I will. I missed you today."

She doesn't say anything back to that, just burrows deeper into his arms and hums against his chest, her little hand warmed by his skin.


	64. Chapter 64

"Mommy what about spend the night?" Ellery says.

Castle glances over at Kate as he clicks Ella's straps into place; she's standing by Dashiell's door with a stunned look on her face.

"I forgot. Allie forgot. The kids were going to sleep over at her place. Oh darn it-"

Just then Kate's cell phone rings; she straightens up and shuts Dash's door, answers it.

"Ellery just reminded me," she laughs into the phone. Castle smirks at Ella, leans in to kiss her forehead. "Smart girl. We'll see, okay? Everyone's tired."

"I wanna go sleep over at Allie's!" Dashiell yells, straining forward against his seat belt.

"Settle down, buddy. Let Mom talk about it with your sister."

He shuts Ellery's door and gets inside the car, waiting on Kate. She slowly opens the driver's door, still laughing with Alexis, and she shoots him a roll of her eyes. "I know. It totally slipped my mind. Ellery just said-"

She snaps her seat belt into place and scrapes a hand through her hair, listening. Castle is content to just watch her, the play of night shadows, the headlights from cars passing, the way they slip over her face and illuminate or soften her eyes, depending. He turns around in the seat to check on the kids, but they seem to be trying to listen to the conversation.

"Okay, good idea. Yeah, that's smart. See you in a few."

She ends the call and Dash immediately starts in on her. "Can we please-"

"Dash, chill. Let me talk to Dad." Kate gives Castle a huff of a breath and shakes her head. "I totally forgot. We thought it would be fun for the kids to sleep over at Allie and Rafe's, but then Rafe called on our way over here and asked her to bring something from home, so we just forgot."

"What's the plan?" he asks, reaching over to wrap his fingers around her phone, drop it in the cup holder.

She lets go, tangles her fingers with his when he comes back. "If you're okay, we'll head to Allie's and give the kids a bath while we wait on her."

"Sounds good to me."

"Yeah? You can nap on the couch if you-"

"I'm fine. I won't - all right, I might. But I'll help you get the kids settled first."

"Don't make promises, stud," she smirks at him, shaking off his hand to put the key in the ignition. He lets her go and leans back against the headrest.

Yeah, he might take a quick power nap in the car, see if that helps.

* * *

Kate finds a tshirt of Alexis's in a box, then one of Rafe's - some kind of soccer shirt that Dash won't mind wearing because it's so soft. She heads back into the living room and finds the kids curled up with their dad on the couch.

She laughs and comes for them, standing in front of the pile of Castles, nudging his knee with her own. "Come on, guys. Bath time. I found you pajamas."

Dash doesn't move, but Ella lifts her head from Castle's thigh. "What is it?"

"One of Allie's shirts. Look, it has a banana on it." _This shirt is bananas_ it says. Ellery takes it from her and tilts her head, then shrugs, gets up off the couch and heads for the bathroom.

"Dash," Kate prompts, leaning over and wrapping her hand around his arm, tugging a little. "Up, baby."

"I'm so tired. Being good at piano weared me out."

"Wore," Castle grumbles, his eyes still closed. "Wore you out."

"Yeah, that," Dash responds, his eyes slipping shut as well.

Kate's not one to keep the kid from sleep, not when he has such trouble getting it, but he really should take a bath. "Rick. Help me out here."

He grunts and opens his eyes, looks up at her slowly, making the effort to come back. "Help you what?"

"Carry Dash into the bathroom."

He sighs and his arms tighten around Dashiell, but he doesn't move. Kate reaches down and thumps his ear. He yelps at her and squints, wincing.

"Ow."

"Get up, bring him into the bathroom. Then you're done, Ricky."

Dash giggles. "Ricky."

Castle grumbles but he shifts forward, arms around Dash, and then he stands slowly, sways.

"Whoa," she murmurs, puts a hand to Dash, the other on Castle's shoulder. "Never mind. Sit back down. Dashiell, Dad's gonna drop you. You need to get up and come take a bath."

"No, no," Rick says, knocking her hand away. "I got it. Just tired. Move outta the way."

She takes a cautious step backwards, follows him into the bathroom. Ellery is naked, reaching a hand out for the torrent coming out of the faucet.

Kate darts around Castle, grabs Ellery by the arm. "No. It's hot, baby. I haven't checked it."

"Not too hot," Ella says, opening and closing her fist. Kate glances down and sees drops of water all over the floor.

"Ah, so you've already been playing in it. Nice." Still, she puts a cautious hand into the water to test it, swirls her fingers in the bathwater. "Okay, let's get you guys in."

Castle has already pulled off Dash's clothes and lifted him over the rim of the clawfoot tub, so Kate does the same to Ellery, nods to Rick.

"Go, sleep."

He shambles out, hits his shoulder into the door frame. She shakes her head at him and then turns back to the kids, tossing Dashiell's pajama shirt towards the sink counter.

The bathtub is entirely unfriendly to bathing a couple of kids. It's too high to lean over comfortably, which means she's got to stand up and hunch over.

What was she thinking? Hoping to bring a newborn back to her apartment and take care of him on her own? She was crazy; the pregnancy hormones had her cracked. All she can figure.

"Mommy, more, more," Ella calls out, reaching for the faucet.

"No more, you've got enough. Where's the soap?" She twists the water off, searching for the soap she put in here.

Dashiell hands it over to her and she squeezes out a generous amount onto a washcloth, gives it to him.

"Careful standing up, baby," she murmurs, watching him a moment as he stands to wash. She turns to Ellery and scrapes a hand through the girl's dark hair. "Cup."

Ella fishes for it in the bathtub, hands it over. Kate dumps it all on her head, making Ellery giggle and sputter as water runs down her face. Her lashes clump together and shine, and Kate blots her face with her dry washcloth.

"Shampoo, guys. Where'd you put it?" She scrounged some from Allie's box of bathroom supplies, as mild as she could find, and she left it in here, she's pretty sure-

Dashiell grabs her by the shoulder, nearly slipping. She catches him with a whoosh of a breath, their eyes meeting at the close call.

"Sit," she sighs.

He does, slowly sinking back onto his haunches. "It's on the floor, Mom. By the sink."

She nods and waits until he's firmly seated, then turns and snags the shampoo from the floor where Ellery must've tossed it.

"Ella, this way," she says, squeezing shampoo into her palm and urging her daughter to stop playing. Ellery comes towards her, back to Kate so her mother can get at her hair.

She suds her up quickly while Dash puts soap under his arms and scrubs with his washcloth, concentration on his face.

"Did you get everything else?" Kate murmurs to him. "Before I made you sit?"

"Not really."

"When we're done, I'll turn on the shower, rinse you guys off, wash your hair. Okay with that, my man?"

"No."

"Dash," she warns with a sigh. She feels suddenly old and tired, maybe from hunching over like this, maybe from her husband too worn out to help, maybe from just forgetting, but she's not up to Dash's issues tonight. "Dashiell, we have to shower. It's too slippery to stand."

"Okay," he says quietly, and she gives him a glance but he won't look at her.

Shit.

Kate rinses the shampoo out of Ellery's hair, then again when the suds won't come out. She pours soap onto the girl's washcloth and hands it over.

"Wait until I turn on the shower, then soap up, okay? We'll do it like that."

Dashiell is sitting at the other end of the tub, so Kate reaches past him and pulls the stopper, listens to the water for a moment.

Then she kneels by the tub, waiting for the water to drain. She'll wash Dashiell's hair in the shower, just easier that way, even though she knows he hates it. He's got to learn to shower some day. Soon. She thinks she remembers taking showers by first grade.

"Hey, you know this is where I lived before you were born," she says quietly, reaching out a finger to stroke across his eyebrow.

He lifts heavy eyes to her, interest sparking in them. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Remember? Mom and Dad weren't married, and I lived here. Where Allie lives now."

"You lived here."

"When I was pregnant with you," she says quietly, strokes his other eyebrow to make it even.

"I lived here with you?" Dash says back, surprise in his voice.

"Oh. Sort of, yeah. I guess you could say that."

Dash glances around now, taking in the bathroom, the box on the counter, the tile. "Wow. I used to live here and I didn't even know it."

She smiles at that, stands up to reach for the shower curtain. "Shower time. Okay? We'll make it quick as we can. Ella you get back here so Dash isn't standing right under it."

The kids switch places easily, both of them standing up in the tub now that the water has mostly drained. She starts the shower, smiling when Ellery shrieks with the sudden surge of water.

"You okay, cricket?"

"This is fun! Dashy, it's fun! But cold, Mommy."

He shivers and looks at her like she's crazy, but Kate's already adjusting the temperature and reaching for the shampoo.

"Dash, come towards me." She's got the shower curtain at her back, hoping to keep the spray off the floor, and she reaches out to soap up Dash's thick hair.

It's getting long again, starting to curl slightly; he needs a hair cut. Castle was right when he said that his hair was too wavy to be manly. At least as a boy - he's just got too pretty a face for that to work for him. When he gets older though - all the girls are gonna love him.

"We need to cut your hair, huh?" she murmurs, turning his head to angle it in the spray, her hand carefully shielding his eyes. "Ellery, soap up, baby girl. Don't make me say it again."

She cuts her eyes to Ella and sees her daughter stop playing, grab her washcloth to start washing up.

Kate rinses Dashiell's hair as he shivers, quickly swipes his washcloth down his legs, and then she holds him by the shoulder to keep him there. She reaches for a towel, snatching it from the lid of the toilet, then comes back for him with it held out in front of her body.

He lunges for her, but Kate stops him, tightening her grip on his shoulder. "Wait. Let me get you out carefully. The sides are high and slippery."

Yeah, she'd never have made it alone in this apartment.

Kate tucks the towel up under her arms and holds both hands out for Dashiell, practically drags him over the side and into her. He shivers and his feet hit the bare floor, his toes curling.

He's whining into her neck as she wraps him up, her clothes drenched as Ellery plays in the shower.

"Ella, stop. You'll slip and fall." She puts Dashiell off of her and pushes him towards the soccer shirt on the counter. "Dash get pjs on, and let me get your sister."

He parts from her reluctantly and she knows he needs some sharp hugs, some firm cuddling to help orient his system after a day like this. But she's got to get Ella out before the girl cracks her head.

"Ellery," she murmurs, opening up a new towel and shutting off the water. She sees soap suds still on the girl's skin but she doesn't care. It'll dry.

Ella climbs up into Kate's arms - she is thoroughly soaked now - and Kate wraps the towel around her too, sets her down on the floor.

"Pajamas for you too, cricket." Dash is pulling the other tshirt off the sink and handing it to Ella even as Kate hurriedly dries her off. "Hurry, baby."

Kate grabs both the towels, hangs them up over the bar, then bends down and helps Ella pop the shirt over her head.

She feels Dashiell's arms around her neck and clinging, and she sighs and turns to him, pushing a hard kiss into his cheek.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry. Let's go. Ella go get Daddy." Ellery prances off, Allie's tshirt dragging at her feet, hair a tangled mess, heading for the living room. Castle's probably asleep on the couch, but Ella will snuggle right down with him most likely, and if not, she'll wake him up.

Either way, she's taken care of.

Kate pulls Dash into her arms and hugs him tightly. "Oof, you're getting big, kiddo."

He squeezes her tighter as if she might be putting him down, but Kate hugs him back, arms like bands around him, then pulls her knees up so he's crushed in the cove of her body, both of them hunched over on the floor.

He lets out a deep sigh and she feels him sink into her.

"Better, my man?" she murmurs, feathering her fingers through his hair over and over.

"Better, Momma."

* * *

Kate snuggles down with him in the guest room bed, the two of them close and Dashiell practically pressed up against the wall. He has his eyes closed, but she still feels the way his body twitches and moves with restlessness.

"Tell me a Beckett story about living here," he murmurs.

She strokes a hand firmly down his chest, pushes a little until he huffs out a breath at her.

"A Beckett story about this place, hmm? Okay. When you were with me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was pretty scared-"

He struggles a little in her arms, his eyes opening in the near-dark. "You were? Are there ghosts?"

"No, baby," she laughs. "Not unless you count yourself. My little Dash ghost."

"You were afraid of me?" he says, wriggling in closer, his fingers at her neck now.

"I was. I'd never had a baby before. Well, it wasn't you I was afraid of really, just all the things I didn't know. I already loved you so much, my baby boy, but I didn't know if I'd be any good at it."

"You're really good at it, Momma."

She hums at the top of his head, closes her eyes. "Thank you, sweetheart. Sometimes we're afraid of silly things because we just don't know what happens next."

"Did Dad help you not be afraid like he helps me? He tells me good stories and I can laugh at them and then I know maybe some things that might happen and so it's okay."

"Mm, sort of. Dad kinda freaked me out, actually. But he definitely told me a lot of good stories."

"Dad freaked you out," he laughs. "Tell me more."

"Well, okay. Hm. One day when I was pregnant with you, and you were just about the size of my fist-"

He twists his head to glance at her hand at his back, so she makes a fist to show him. He looks stunned.

"I was that small?"

"You were. When you were growing inside me - you started off so small I didn't even know you were there at first. But Daddy knew - he could tell. He's the one who told me first."

"Oh, my Dad knew I was there," he says, and a look of wonder has fallen over his face. She leans in and kisses his forehead.

"When you were that small, I was pretty scared and I'd just come from the doctor. He told me everything was great, you were growing like you should, and I was walking back here, home, and I missed your daddy because he wasn't with me right then."

"Where was he?"

"Um, I don't know. I forget." Kate bites her lip, won't tell him that she basically banned Castle from that appointment - some stupid fight or her fear again. Whatever. "Anyway, I was walking home and I found this store with all this Yankees stuff."

Now that she's started this story, she realizes she's not sure at all how many weeks she was, maybe twelve? Yeah, twelve. She kind of hates herself for how much she blocked out that pregnancy, how much more vibrant and vivid her memories of being pregnant with Ellery are.

She sighs.

"Momma, Yankees stuff."

Kate grins. Of course, the most important part to him. "Yes, I found all this Yankees gear - shirts and those bats you like and the foam finger and hats. Tons of it. And then I saw this Derek Jeter jersey with the two on the back-"

"That's Jeter's number," he murmurs, and she glances down to see his eyes are closed. Baseball. Uh-huh.

"It is. I saw that jersey and the doctor had just told me that you would be a boy - so I knew it was baby Dash I had with me - and I knew you wanted it."

"I did want it. I wanted Derek Jeter because he's the best," Dashiell sighs.

She grins and moves slightly away from him, letting his body ease into the bed. "Uh-hm. You did. So I bought it. I brought it home to Daddy and showed it to him, your first birthday present."

"Mine first birthday present was a Jeter jersey," he mutters, halfway to sleep.

Kate kisses his forehead and slips out of bed. He doesn't protest, but a little hand uncurls in the warmth of where she used to be. Dashiell sighs suddenly and flops over onto his stomach, eyes still closed.

"Night, my wild man."

She pauses to make sure he's really asleep, and then she heads for the living room to check on the other two.


	65. Chapter 65

When she slips out of the guest room, Kate finds them asleep on the couch. Castle has stretched out with his feet propped up on one arm and his head on the other, baby girl on his chest. Ellery's mouth is open, drooling probably because of that stuffy nose she's had lately, and her hair is a mess, beginning to dry all tangled and wavy.

When Dash was a baby, Kate thought he had her hair - naturally curly - but Dash's hair is actually fine and thick like Castle's even if it is her color, even though it curled up. She got to look through some of Martha's photos of a little toddler Rick - stocky and strong and really nothing like Dash in body type - but Rick did have that same wavy hair as a baby, the same curl at the back of his neck. He grew out of it faster, it seems, but she loves it. She stole a picture and scanned it, has it on her phone. He always turns pink when he sees it.

But looking at poor Ellery's wild mess, Kate can see it's baby girl that's gotten her hair. Now that Kate hasn't been able to put a comb through it, the strands are kinking up. She remembers pictures of herself at Ella's age, her hair looking the same, exactly the same, and she wonders where those photos are now. Better not let Castle see them; he'll want revenge, try to put naked baby photos of her on his phone.

Kate runs her fingers through Ella's hair a moment, tries to untangle it, but it's no good. Castle's cupping the back of Ellery's head with his wide palm, and she doesn't want to wake either of them.

She steps away from the couch and moves into the dining room. The guest room where Dash sleeps was her old office, but it looks like Rafe and Allie want to keep the dining room pretty much the same as Kate once set it up. A wall of boxes gives her some privacy, muffles the sound, so she takes out her phone and calls Velasquez.

"Hey, boss," the woman says. She's taken up Ryan's habit as well.

"Hey, V. I was wondering how far you got on the Montgomery girls."

"I drove up and talked to Mary myself. She was upstate."

"Oh really? Good. What'd she say?" Kate speaks softly, keeps her back to the living room.

"Told me the Captain warned her and Rebecca to get out of town for a couple weeks. Two, three if they could swing it. Said that he'd get in touch when it was safe to come home, but until then - don't answer the phone."

She turns and glances back at her sleeping family, just checking on them while she talks to the 12th. "Why? Did she say?"

"Not really. She did say that all the missed calls from Evan were making her nervous. But her dad was really specific about not answering, even if it looked like another family member or a friend."

"Mary say if she knew where Rebecca was going to be?"

"No. We're still looking. But Captain sent them money about a month ago, probably to help tide them over if they had to quit their jobs to leave, that kind of thing. Mary and her boyfriend looked like they weren't having any trouble spending it, but Rebecca might've been more frugal about hers."

"Ah, okay. Anything else you got for me?"

"Nothing else. Karpowski has been digging into the financials - or well, unofficially of course - but she's got no idea where Rebecca has gone."

"Shoot. Okay. It's late, V. You need to knock off."

"Boss, I've got-"

"No. Hit the road. It can wait till morning."

"Yes ma'am."

Kate hangs up and turns back to the living room, heads for the couch again. Her phone vibrates and she's gotten a text from Alexis - twenty minutes; she's walking home.

The walking home at ten doesn't feel great, but Kate won't harp on it. She's safe - the blocks between here and Maddie's restaurant where Rafe works are usually filled with people.

And Lockwood is in jail.

Speaking of.

Kate calls Ryan, not wanting to disturb Esposito again. Ryan picks up after a few rings. "Hey, Beckett."

"We get any movement on Lockwood?"

"Nothing. But the warden left a message with Gates a few hours ago. Sokolov has been stirring."

"Oh yeah? The Bear's coming out of hibernation?"

"That was pretty lame, _Castle_."

She grins to herself, keeps her voice down. "Thanks. I kinda thought it sounded like him too."

"Where is he for all this?"

"Asleep on the couch. What about Sokolov?"

"Just some stirring. Warden said some messages maybe, but he couldn't get to them fast enough. Not sure yet. But definite movement. He's put a watch on Lockwood."

"Suicide watch? Damn it, that's not going to help us. He's need to not be scrutinized. I gotta call the warden-"

"Call tomorrow. The watch is protocol, he said, and they have to put it in for at least twenty-four. After that, they'll lift the watch, and he says that's when Sokolov is most likely to strike."

"Ah, I see. Okay, so they think they can control the when and where by putting Lockwood on watch."

"Exactly."

Kate sighs and bites her bottom lip, thinking that over. "Okay. I can deal with that. First thing in the morning, I want to call the warden. Get a heads up myself. Especially if Gates isn't keeping me in the loop."

"Got it."

Kate ends the call and taps her phone against her thigh, then heads back to Castle on the couch. She perches on the edge of the cushion, strokes her fingers over his forearm, up to his bicep, watching him sleep for a moment. Ella has slid into the crack between her father's body and the back of the couch, her face turned to Kate.

Castle's eyes flicker and Kate leans forward, kisses him softly. He lets out a little breathy sigh, rather girly and sweet actually, and Kate watches him slowly wake.

"Hey," he murmurs, lids fluttering, turning his head to look at her.

"Hey. Allie's gonna be here in ten, fifteen minutes."

"Mm, kay." He shifts a hand from the back of Ellery's thigh to drop on Kate's knee. "Sounds good."

Kate tangles her fingers with his. "Can you take Ella into the guest room, put her down on the pallet on the floor?"

"Hmm," he murmurs, eyes still sleepy. "Yeah."

She waits for him to get with it, wake a little more, and then she leans over and brushes her lips to his forehead, pushes off from his shoulder to get him moving.

Castle sighs and draws his arms around Ellery, slowly sits up. The girl doesn't even stir, and Castle hoists her higher, her head flopping down to his shoulder, mouth open, truly gone.

Kate follows behind him as he heads for the bedroom, checks on Dashiell as Castle lays Ella on the blankets on the floor. Her son is still breathing lightly, not quite deep enough asleep, and Kate doesn't touch him, lets him stay tangled up in the sheets like he is. She kneels down next to Ellery and draws the blanket up, tries to smooth her hair down, but it's no use.

Castle reaches out, takes Kate by the arm and pulls her back up. She goes into him on a stumble, more tired than she realized, takes him by the hand to lead him back out to the living room.

He starts to sway towards the couch, so Kate draws him farther, pulls him to the kitchen and sits him on a stool. She stands in the wide v of his legs, her hands at his thighs. "Stay with me here. I'm not interested in dragging you home, baby."

"I like it when you call me baby," he mutters, lifting one eye to her, his head resting on one fist against the counter. "It's goofy."

"You're goofy. Allie will be here soon and then we can go home and fall into bed. Until then, stay awake. Need to talk to you."

He perks up a bit. "You got something on Montgomery?"

"Velasquez caught up with Mary and her boyfriend. Turns out Roy told her to make herself scarce for a couple weeks, not answer the phone until he himself called her."

"But you can't reach him."

"Right, I can't reach him. But I bet he answers the phone for one of the girls."

"Ohhhhh," he slurs with surprise, giving her a bleary look. "You're smart. Wow, I married a smart and so very hot homicide detective, with such a nice ass-"

She laughs at him, feels her body flush at the words, and cradles his cheek to give him a quick kiss. "You're kinda drunk?"

"Not really. Mostly tired, but the drinking made me tired, so yeah maybe?"

"Uh-huh. But yeah, tomorrow I want to drive upstate and see if I can talk Mary into calling her father. Or Rebecca. They don't answer for Evan because he's always been the domineering older brother. But they might answer each other."

"Yeah, I was right. You are hotly smart."

"Hotly? That's a new word," she grins, drawing her arms up to his shoulders, letting her fingers tickle the nape of his neck. He seems to hum, closing his eyes at her touch, and she lets him drift off again, figuring she can fill him in again tomorrow morning if he forgets.

"Everything you do is done hotly," he smiles back, eyes popping open to look at her.

He's definitely goofy. And adorable. And looking so pleased with himself, like he's just spoken a sonnet, all for her, and it's cute. It really is. She kinda adores this man.

Kate strokes her thumb over the line of his scar, touches briefly the spot where the coffee mug shattered from the bullet and the ricochet hit him. "How's your hand?"

"Oh fine, fine," he repeats. "Good. It's still a little stiff, but it's fine."

"Good," she echoes, brushing the back of her fingers against his forehead to push the hair out of his eyes. That hooded, sleepy look that's either true exhaustion but can also sometimes be arousal makes her own body come awake. "Cause we have all night to ourselves, Castle, and I wanna do stuff to you."

He grunts, chokes on something like a laugh and something like excitement, and his eyes are bright and focused on her now.

"Sounds good - really good - yes - I'm totally good with that."

"Getting sloppy there, Writer Man. Three _good_s in one run-on sentence." She leans in and puts her mouth against the hinge of his jaw, touches her tongue lightly to the shell of his ear. "Come on. You can do better."

She can feel him grin against her; the draw of his arms pulls her body flush with his. "I can do you."


	66. Chapter 66

Alexis rushes into the apartment, dropping her stuff in a chair, kicking the door shut, coming over to greet them as she slides off her coat.

"I'm so sorry. Rafe had me trying out new desserts."

"Oh, don't be sorry," Kate answers, and he's glad because his head is sleepy still and it would fumble out of his mouth too. "We're fine."

Alexis hooks her arm around his neck and leans into him at the bar stool; her kiss is cool and quick. "But I missed bath time. I love bath time. And Dash has preschool tomorrow, so I'll barely get any time with him."

"Naw," he drawls. "I can call the school and tell them he's not coming in. You can keep them all day."

Kate lifts an eyebrow at him, and he's not sure why exactly - unilateral parenting decision maybe? or the still lingering traces of goofy in his voice?

"I'll call the school," Kate adds. "Not you. And yes, Allie, you can keep them as long as you can stand them."

"Rafe wanted to hang out with them too, and he goes in to work at five tomorrow. I'm off until Sunday, when I go on call. So you don't mind if I keep Dash home?"

"Not a bit," Kate answers. Castle just shakes his head, slurred by sleep and the thick way his arousal for his wife has settled into his flesh, seeped into his bones. He really wants her alone. Soon. Easy, the two of them going slow, the way she rests her forehead at his neck, her mouth open, and-

"Castle."

He jerks his eyes to her, sees the indulgent softness in Kate's face. "Yeah. Here. I'm here."

"Let's go, baby." She wraps her fingers around his bicep and guides him to stand. He doesn't really need any help; he's not drunk, just drowsy and buzzing and overworked and tired, and he can walk just fine on his own.

But her body feels so warm against him.

He turns at the last second and reaches out to draw Alexis into an embrace. "Good night, pumpkin."

She's laughing softly at him. "Night, Dad. I'll call before I drop them off with you."

"Oh, not with me. I've got to be at Black Pawn. Kate?"

"Already got it covered, stud. We talked about this while you were dozing in your seat."

"Wasn't dozing. I was fantasizing. Two very diff-"

"Ew. Dad." Alexis is shoving at his back. "Get moving. I don't want to hear it."

"It's funny. We did some of that very same stuff right _here _in this apart-"

Kate twists his ear and he yelps, jerks after her towards the door. Alexis is pushing on him and now at the door as well, holding it open for them as she shakes her head.

"What?" he mutters, yanking his head away from Kate. He hears the door close and lock behind them. "She's an adult-"

"Who probably wants to do some of those same things with _her_ boyfriend in that very same place, and doesn't want images of _us_ doing them-"

"Ew. Kate."

"Uh-huh, exactly. You need to learn to keep your mouth shut when you're this worn out, Castle."

"I know. I know that already. I just can't stop it. It comes right out and-"

She stops suddenly in the hallway and turns on him, presses her mouth tightly against his in a rough kiss that has him reeling back a step, off-balance. She catches him and brings him back, an eyebrow raised.

"That's how I usually shut you up. Seems to work. Just didn't want to give your daughter a show back there."

He blinks at her, mind wiped blank. He felt teeth in that one, and tongue. And it reminds him of what he was fantasizing about it when he got in trouble in the first place.

"Much better," she hums, sliding her hand down the inside of his arm, brushing his wrist before tangling their fingers together. "Come on. I've got plans for you too."

* * *

In the car she calls the preschool and leaves a message.

"This is Kate Castle. I wanted to let you know that Dashiell won't be coming in to school tomorrow, Friday. He and Ella are staying with their sister for the day. Please let me know if there's anything we miss that I need to send with him on Monday. Thank you."

When she ends the call, drops her phone back into the cupholder, she feels Castle hook her fingers, draw her hand into his lap in the passenger seat. An awkward reach, but she scratches at his pant leg, feeling the firm give of muscle under her touch before taking her hand back so she can drive.

"I like hearing you use that name," he murmurs in the darkness.

She casts him a quick look. "What name? Oh. Castle?" She grins and shakes her head. "I thought you said you didn't care."

"I don't. I really don't at all. But it makes my heart funny to hear you use it."

Kate catches her breath and looks over at him as she slows down for a red light. When she's stopped, she draws a hand to his shoulder, up to his neck, tugs him over. He leans in to her and she kisses him softly for that too-honest comment, painting his lips with her own.

"Light's green," he whispers.

She jerks back to the wheel, checks the traffic before she pushes on the gas.

"You're blushing," he murmurs.

"No."

"Little bit. For you anyway. Your ears are red, and I bet your palm are a little damp. That's how you blush."

She presses her lips together. "Well. You dip your head, but bring your eyes up. Like a girl being all coquettish. That's how _you _blush."

He laughs at that, sounding pleased rather than embarrassed. "Yeah. Could be true."

"Definitely true. Don't think you're the only one paying attention in this relationship."

"Fine. What else do I do?"

She chews the inside of her lip while she thinks, aiming their car towards home. "When you're frustrated with me you scrub your hand down your face. Like you might be able to erase the picture."

"Oh," he breathes out.

"You don't really do it with anyone else."

"Well. You're the only one that frustrates me so very much, and so well."

"There's that," she admits, giving him a small smile.

"I'm not trying to erase you."

Her lips quirk at that one too. "It's fine, Rick. You feel deeply - frustration or love. They come from the same place. So I'll take the frustration. My fault anyway. Or yours, for not listening to me and doing it my way in the first place."

He laughs at that, giving out a breathy sigh as he does; she likes watching him while he laughs, the lines at his eyes, the smirk of his mouth that pushes up into full-on, real, honest joy.

"You're a beautiful man, you know?" she says quietly, feels immediately stupid for saying it, but can't help-

His hand tunnels through her hair and his fingers wrap around her neck. She feels the heat of him at her cheek before he gives her a moist kiss, the press of his forehead against her shoulder as she drives.

She doesn't shake him off, even though it restricts her movements; she lets him breathe there on her, apparently needing a moment.

He lifts his head finally; she can feel him watching her intently.

"I love you," he says firmly. "I really - sometimes it catches me in the chest, like a blow. Just how much I really love you."

She lifts her fingers to his cheek, strokes to his hair to cup the back of his head. "I know the feeling."

* * *

When they get home, he remembers Montgomery. "Did you get a call? Or was there something about the girls-"

"Yeah, I'll tell you tomorrow," she says, pushing on his shoulders even as he's locking the door behind them. He stumbles back with a quirk of his lips, but she's already stripping off her coat and reaching for his.

"Scarf-" he warns, a second before she nearly chokes him with it. He puts his hand through the knot and loosens it; she's dragging his coat off his arms and coming back for his pants.

"I want you naked," she mutters.

He barks a startled laugh at that, slides the scarf off and leaves it in the entryway, then reaches for her wrists, circling them. "Go slow, babe. All night."

She growls and shakes him off, but she comes in closer, curls up at his chest. He can feel her breathing hard against him already, her fingers playing at the buttons of his shirt. Oh, no, not playing. She's popping them open, one by one, her nose pressed to his sternum.

"Kate," he warns. If they do this fast, he'll pass out afterwards. Exhaust himself in one round.

"I can go slow," she promises.

"Why don't I believe you?" he murmurs, leaning over her to press an open mouthed kiss to the line of her neck.

She shivers and arches into him, abandons his shirt to reach for the hem of her sweater and yank it off. "Don't believe me. I'm lying."

He grins at her, finishes his own buttons, pulls the tails out of his pants. She moves to her bra and he stops her, shaking his head, hands around hers. "At least let me do that. Fun part."

She's shaking him off to flick at the button of her pants, stripping down to nothing in front of him.

He really won't last if she keeps this up. Calls for drastic measures.

So Castle turns around and walks off, heading for their bedroom, ditching his shirt as he goes.

Knowing she'll have to stop undressing long enough to follow.

* * *

He lowers her arms slowly, releases her wrists from where he held them captive, smoothing his fingers into her shoulders, kneading the stiff muscles. She winces a little but sighs and follows him as he lies on his side in their bed. He eases his thighs off of hers, but she's sliding in closer.

"Brute," she murmurs, her words entirely lacking in any real authority or sting when she sounds as sated and humming as that.

He grins and wraps an arm low around her waist, spreads his hand over her back. "Well. What can I say? You were bound and I was determined."

She does laugh at that, and he glances down to see her eyes are closed.

"See? Much better my way. I lasted and you-"

She presses her hand over his mouth, eyes fluttering open. "Shhh. Talk later, baby. You're harshing my buzz."

He laughs, nips lightly at her knuckle as she trails her fingers down his mouth, her eyes drooping shut at the same time. Castle grins at his wife, feels pretty good for having taken control of things, so to speak, and he pulls her closer, being sure to keep a strong grip on her. A firm press of his mouth to her shoulder has her curling into him as well, and then finally he gives in to the exhaustion.

He hopes tomorrow is easier.


	67. Chapter 67

She wakes at something, a twitch or noise, and blinks in the darkness of their room.

She lies there a moment, hoping to slip back into sleep just as easily as she was pulled from it, but she's awake. Thinking.

Hm. She misses the kids. Weird.

Kate shifts and finds Castle curled up at her back. She twists her head to look, the way his large body has contorted into this position, tight, his hand splayed at her shoulder and a knee at the back of her thighs.

She rolls her eyes at him, her big teddy bear really, and shifts so she can reach him. His skin ripples under her kiss; she brushes the hair off his forehead with her fingers, softly, watching to be sure she doesn't wake him.

Then she slips out of bed and heads for the bathroom.

As she washes her hands, she glances at herself in the mirror, realizes it's the first night she's managed to sleep without restless dreaming, and no panic attack either. Hm, maybe Castle has something there with that bound and determined stuff.

She smirks at the image of herself, feels the flush climb her neck anyway, shakes it off. They don't go for a lot of kinky stuff - too tired usually, too busy, there's just not really a need for it. He works her up no problem, just a touch, his voice, a promise-

Kate huffs at herself and heads out of the bathroom, moves for the study, trying to keep from waking him. Her hand is sore, not bad, but enough to keep her from dropping back asleep. She stretches her fingers slowly, watches the skin to be sure it's still flexible.

In the living room, she pauses, glances up towards the staircase. Has she ever lived in this loft without a kid in it? Even though it's just the one night, she can't remember a time without Dash in his room upstairs.

She smiles to herself, remembering the story she told him at bathtime. He really did live with her in that apartment; he was there all those months, her little shadow, her little rain cloud.

She doesn't believe that her own tumultuous mood while she was pregnant could possibly have transferred to him, even though they shared so much. She doesn't, really doesn't think that. No.

But sometimes, in the dark night. . .

Did she make him so sad?

No.

No, it doesn't work like that. Unfortunate combination of genetics. Or fortunate, depending on how she looks at it. He's got issues, as he likes to let people know, but they make him beautiful. He's a tender kid, passionate about other people, interested in the world even when the world often mistreats him with its noise and smells and light.

She has to believe that; she does believe that. If he wasn't like this, she wouldn't get to cuddle him in the mornings while they drink hot tea, she wouldn't feel his arms around her neck when he needs a quiet space, she wouldn't have the honor of watching him charm the room.

Like his dad. Like her. A special blend of them, the worst and the best. He's a little human, with human failings and failures, capable of such love and intelligence and creative beauty. He's hers.

And she misses him.

It's been hours, and she misses him.

She got Ellery all to herself today, shared those wonderful moments, and now she wants her baby boy.

Kate sighs, refuses to give in to it, refuses to trudge upstairs, dwell in her soft, silent sadness. It's ridiculous, and Castle would laugh at her-

Well, actually, he'd probably say he misses them too, commiserate with her, and they'd both break open a tub of ice cream and watch movies until they fell asleep again.

Sounds good actually.

Kate stops halfway to the kitchen and goes back to their bedroom, not bothering to be quiet, crawls into bed with him. The jostle of her knee in the mattress is all it takes; his eyes drag open, his hand catches at her thigh, squeezes limply.

"Kate?"

She hovers over him, biting her lip, feeling ridiculous still, but wanting to share.

She shouldn't have woken him.

"Panic attack? Kate-"

"No." She lowers a kiss to his forehead, feels bad now for being stupid. Only a few hours, Kate. "No, sorry. Go back to sleep, Castle."

"Why you awake?" he mutters, his eyes drifting shut, jerking open again. "Kate. Why are you up?"

She sighs, drops her cheek against his shoulder, lies next to him. "I woke up."

"Why? What's going on?"

Oh, he thinks it's something about Montgomery. "Nothing. No, nothing. I - miss my kids."

He does laugh, a strange, fluttering sigh somewhere in it, but his arm draws around her shoulders, tugs her tighter. "You do. Huh."

"I do. Don't make fun of me. I really can't take it if you-"

"I'm not, Kate. I'm not. I just - well, because I do too. And I thought I was the sap."

"Oh, you still are. Hasn't changed anything. But I miss them. It makes no sense at all, Castle, it really doesn't. I know that. But-"

He shifts her off of him, sits up, but his arm is still around her shoulders and he drags her up with him. "Come on. Let's get up."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm awake. You're right. I miss my kids too. All of them."

"Allie," she huffs, knocking her forehead into his shoulder even as she gets out of bed with him. "I told you it wasn't fair to make me say good-bye to her when I just _got _her-"

"That was three years ago. Come on, babe, seriously? She had to go to Chicago. You agreed she had to go."

"I know. Still didn't like it. I'm not supposed to have empty nest syndrome, Castle. I'm not old enough. And don't babe me."

"You don't have empty nest," he grumbles, tugging on her. "We have two wild kids left at home."

She feels ridiculous, she _hates_ feeling ridiculous, but she's going to wallow in it. She wants to wallow in it. Just a little while.

"I do too. Allie's got her own place and it used to be _my_ place and I love Rafe, I really do, I do, really-"

"You're pretty enthusiastic about that," he remarks dryly.

"Shut up. But I mean, I miss her. She was vital to my survival those first few months."

"Hey now," he protests. "I was here too."

"Yeah, but you were keeping the coffee from me while Allie was the one taking the screaming kid and letting me sleep."

"Good thing, too. You want that baby boy trying to sleep with caffeine in his system? Heck no. I was the strong one. Someone had to be."

She laughs at that, smiling at him in the darkness. He's reaching for the lamp, flicking it on.

"Someone had to be," she agrees. "I certainly had no idea what I was doing."

"Hey, you make it sound like I didn't help at all."

"You helped. Lots. You had Alexis and _she_ was a huge help." But she's laughing at him, and he sees it, the lamp casting golden light over his nose and mouth as he tries not to laugh with her. He shakes his head and moves around the desk towards the projector.

"Hey, we could watch a movie." He wriggles his eyebrows at her. "Nothing with babies in it. Or kids leaving home. Or college. Or kids getting married."

"Well, that kinda eliminates every movie known to man," she laughs, edging towards the doorway, wanting him to be the one to suggest the ice cream.

"Not all. There's The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension."

"There's what?" She shifts foot to foot, not really listening, thinking about chocolate-

"Stop fidgeting; go get the ice cream," he sighs. "I'll get the movie set up. We'll finally get some culture in you."

She smirks, meets his eyes in a quick flash of shared knowledge. She doesn't even have to say it, doesn't even have to _start_ that sentence; he knows the tease before it comes.

What culture she's had in her.

"You're making me blush, Beckett."

"There's something about you being a work of art in there too."

He really _does_ blush, and she grins, proud of herself.

"Ice cream," he chides. "And I want my own tub. I'm not sharing that double chocolate chip cookie dough with you. You're vicious."

She laughs as she sails out the doorway, heading for the fridge.

Buckaroo? Really? Can't be any good.

* * *

"Ug, this is terrible," she moans, but she's laughing too.

Yeah, this movie is great. Perfect for a night like this. They've both got to work in the morning, and they're gonna feel it, but he loves when they do this.

Be miserable together?

Just, be together.

He curls his toes against her thigh and she slaps at his knee, hooks her arm around it so she can press her cheek to his raised thigh. He's got a tub of ice cream closed up on the floor by the couch, his body sprawled out under hers. She lies in the v of his legs, her elbow digging into his stomach every time she moves, licking ice cream from her spoon.

She's laughing at least. Whatever that was when she woke him, the faint shame in her voice, the sadness, that's gone. He misses the kids too, but he's used to it. He had to give Dashiell up to preschool, and before that, he had to give Alexis up a hundred million times over - her first day of kindergarten, her first sleepover at Paige's house, her first loose tooth, her first date-

Oh, Ellery will have one of those. Oh man. Oh, jeez, no-

Okay, he can't get maudlin now. It's Buckaroo Banzai and ice cream night. It's Kate bruising the crap out of his ribs and lying all over him, sleepy and laughing and sucking half-melted ice cream off a spoon.

She makes him get the Skinny Cow stuff, or the Weight Watchers, but it's still pretty good. Doesn't at all dispel the fun of eating a tub of ice cream to drown his sorrows; it kinda makes it better, knowing he can't actually do all that much damage. Some. Enough.

She drops her spoon back in the tub, reaches to the end table he pulled in front of the couch, and she grabs the lid, presses it back on.

"You done?" she asks.

He nods and she stumbles off of him, grabs his ice cream as well, heading back for the kitchen.

"Want me to pause it?"

"Don't you dare. I'm taking a leisurely stroll to avoid as much as I can."

He laughs and watches her leave, turns his head back to the movie. It's still great, no matter how she resists, but his eyes are getting heavy.

He startles awake when she comes back, her knee making the couch dip. She brushes a kiss over his forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"Mm, no, I'm awake."

"Move a little, Castle."

He tries to, but she ends up having to push on him anyway to get him where she wants him. He closes his eyes when her head comes to his chest, her fingers stroking over the pocket of his navy tshirt. He curls an arm loosely around her, waits for her to settle.

"Thanks for staying up with me," she murmurs.

"Well, it is half my fault."

"How's it your fault?" she says slowly. He can practically hear her falling asleep.

"I helped make 'em."

She laughs, twists her face against his shirt, huffs out a long breath. "Yeah, you're right. Totally half your fault." She hums and her fingers still. "And I'm so glad we made them."


	68. Chapter 68

When the alarm goes off obscenely early, Castle slaps at it and pushes against the mattress to rise, but it's not happening.

He's too old for this stuff.

He lies there a moment more, the darkness still filling the room and his head as well, pressing his body down. After a lazy while, he realizes it's raining, slow but insistent, the snow and sleet finally gone but the line of storms still hanging over the city.

Darn. He's got to fire someone today.

He'd like to stay in bed, but stuff has to actually happen today. Time to be the man and get his ass out of bed.

Castle turns his head and sees his wife still curled in on herself, looking deep asleep, a strand of hair snaking across her forehead, an arm under the pillow. He's not jealous, he just wishes she also had to get up.

But it's early even for her.

Castle closes his eyes for a half a beat longer, then slides out of bed, being careful not to wake her. They stayed up until two and so he's had about four hours of sleep, but he used to do this all the time. And Kate's good at it too; she's always been able to subsist on minimal sleep.

Ug. He feels like he's been hit by a truck and his eyes are so gritty that his eyeballs are scraping the inside of his lids with every blink.

Castle heads for the shower, shuts the bathroom door behind him to let Kate sleep.

It's possible he dozes off with his forehead against the cool tile. Twice.

* * *

When he gets out, wet and shivering and longing so desperately for sleep that it's not even funny, he sees that Kate is awake and just watching for him, still in bed. Their eyes catch and hers are the same grey dark as the sky outside their windows; her perusal of him is slow and detailed, and just for the heck of it, he lets his hand drop from the knot on the towel and wills it to fall.

When it does, her lips lift in a slow and secret smile. She draws her hand up the sheets and crooks her finger at him, and he doesn't even care that he has to be at the office at seven-thirty because she looks ripe and in love with him in their bed and the kids aren't even here to interrupt.

Castle comes to her side, watches her studying him, and then puts a knee onto the mattress. She's still lying on her stomach but she lifts her fingers and taps them on his knee, then scrapes her nail over his patella in a gesture that really shouldn't be erotic, but it is. It is.

Whoa, it is.

He really doesn't have time. Really.

And then she turns to lie on her side, open and inviting, and oh man. Okay.

Well.

He's going back to bed.

* * *

"What's your day look like?" she says around a piece of toast.

"It looks miserable and awkward and uncomfortable, but I'll survive. You?"

She shakes her head at him as he scrapes the rest of his scrambled eggs onto her plate. He's got to go; their morning fun has put him severely off-schedule because she wanted slow and steady and in time to the drizzle of rain and it was romantic as hell and has made him absolute mush, but it's also made him so very very late.

"I don't want your eggs," she complains, crinkling her nose at him.

But he's already sticking his plate in the dish washer, noting to himself how well he has her trained because even her and Dashiell's plates from yesterday are in here too. Only three years ago he was still getting quietly ticked because she'd leave them in the sink all week, and he hates the clutter of dirty dishes and it would be him who loaded them every time and said nothing.

It's not a big deal, but it's a big deal. It's Kate naturally adopting his methods because she knows him and because it's not a big deal but it is. And after this morning, it's just another tender shot to his already vulnerable heart, and he's not sure he can do this. Leave the house.

"I'm heading upstate to find Montgomery's daughter, and then-"

"I don't want to do this," he says suddenly, puts his hands on the sink and won't look at her. He finds himself almost unable to breathe. "I don't want to go fire this guy. I don't want to spend another ten hours at that office wondering what in the hell I'm doing. Kate. What the hell did I do? I bought Black Pawn."

Her hands are already at his back, palms flat to his shoulder blades, but he doesn't turn into her embrace - he can't. He suddenly understands now exactly how perfect she is for their son because if she gentles him and makes over him like he knows he's always said he wanted, then he is going to break. He is going to break.

His stiff back says everything, apparently, because she keeps a hand at his shoulder, slides the other to his neck and squeezes.

He lets out a long breath with the force of her grip on him and closes his eyes.

"You've got this," she says quietly. "You got this, Castle."

He nods.

"I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

He takes another breath and turns just slightly towards her, cocking his hip against the sink.

She studies him a moment, her hands back at her side, giving him the same measuring look she gives Dashiell when the kid is teetering on the edge. That's how he feels right about now.

"This isn't a matter of life and death," she says calmly. "And God knows we've had our share this week."

He scrapes a hand down his face, massaging his jaw as that hits him. But she's right - that's what he's done here. He's brought her workplace environment over into his because he has, for so long now, felt that urgent sense of life hanging in the balance whenever he enters the office.

But it's not. Yes, if the company goes under people will lose their jobs. But they won't die. He won't even let them stay long without employment or income. "You're right."

"I know I am," she says, a glimmer in her eyes that he knows is a smirk just waiting on him to crack first.

So he does, a sheepish smile that bats away the reserve in her face, makes her soften and move towards him. If he didn't know better, it feels like she needs this hug too. Maybe more than him.

He embraces her tightly and her fingers come up to his hair, stroking his scalp, her thumb rimming his ear, and he chuckles, his voice still a little choked, surprised by the petting.

"Sorry," she murmurs. "I missed cuddling with my man this morning."

"What're you talking about? We did plenty of-"

"Dash," she interrupts on a startled breath, pulling back to see him. "I meant Dashiell. Oh, Rick, your face-"

And even though she's practically glowing with her laughter, he doesn't care. She feels good, and she somehow managed to keep him from breaking apart even though he felt it coming for him, and now he gets it, he totally gets it, how her control helps impart control to Dash and now to him as well, and wow. Wow.

She's been doing it naturally since the kid was born.

And doing the opposite for Ellery, who needs her walls broken down and her reserve breached, just like Castle does for Kate.

Wow.

How does she just _know_ this?

He wraps his arms around her suddenly, catching her back up against his chest; she huffs and tenses - maybe he's squeezing too hard - but he finds her mouth and kisses her deeply, forever, feeling it flood all the cracks in him and muddy the barren places until he's cemented over again, whole.

"You're Wonder Woman," he murmurs, a reverent kiss to her jaw. She laughs, but he keeps going. "I'm serious; you are. You make it right. For the kids, for me. For me - my perfect partner. I don't know how you do that, but you do. You don't even have to say anything and you've made it okay."

She makes a noise and he pulls back, surprised at the _neediness_ in that sound, and when he sees her, he's astonished by the shining in her eyes. Not tears, not yet, but close.

She shakes her head, smiling. "I'm fine. Just - you caught me by surprise." She waves him off and even though her lashes are wet, she's not crying. "And what are you, Castle? Batman? Superman?"

"All the above, babe. Proved that this morning."

* * *

It won't get out of her head. It's on an endless loop as she rides the subway into work that morning after pushing him out the doors at his stop, Castle still being a goofball and almost getting caught.

Wonder Woman. Sure. Whatever.

But it touches on a thing she's left dormant for so long now, closed off and walled up so that she wouldn't have to look at it too closely. Sure, they worked through it in therapy three years ago, but the messy remainders were still there, rotting, and she just pretended she couldn't smell it.

Okay, so maybe she thought, maybe she still thinks, that she's got to be perfect at it all. She made the choice to do this with him - all or nothing - and she intended to be all. Be all. At first it was for herself, to prove something, and then it was because her son demanded it, and then it was because she realized that it wasn't fair to ask everything from Castle and give him nothing in return but her presence.

She felt like she'd said to him, okay, I'll be your wife, aren't you so grateful? And she never meant to. So to have him come for her this morning, like she's necessary to his emotional support, like she actually _helps_-

Of course, therapy got her loose screws tightened up, but there was always a lurking sense that she's too much or not enough for him. Too much bad-ass, too much cop, too much Beckett and not enough wife, not enough mother, not enough Kate.

But apparently failing a little at all of those has made her something else. Apparently, what she's been is his partner.

She's been his Wonder Woman partner.

So, of course, she's still grinning when she steps off the elevator into the 12th and sees the warden of the prison in Gates's office. But she's not grinning when she gets the bad news.


	69. Chapter 69

Jacob Whitfield apparently senses something is amiss because he doesn't sit in the seat Castle offers him. Gina takes Jacob by the arm in a soft squeeze, and then Whitfield sinks down, his face blanching. Whitfield is a smaller man with a rangy look to his face - more weathered than a city native's should be, a dark strength in his eyes that speaks of time-tested trials. But he's running to a gut, the belly soft over his belt, a pocket of skin under his chin.

Whitfield lifts his eyes to Castle, keeps his gaze direct.

"Jacob," Castle starts, knowing it has to be done quickly. "We've got two options before us. You can retire. Or I can let you go."

Gina gives him a sharp look, but Castle is a man, and he knows how a man wants to take news like this. Jacob scrapes a hand through his thinning hair and his eyes close just once, as if absorbing it. And then he looks straight at Castle.

"So that's it."

"That's it," Castle says firmly, keeping his voice quiet. Gina sinks down into a chair beside Jacob, her hand on his arm.

"Jake. We didn't want to do this. But you've forced our hand."

"Gina," Castle warns quietly. There's no point in explaining, no point defending their position either. "Mr. Whitfield, you've produced an amazing body of work here with us, and we wish to honor that with a generous retirement package. I have everything in a packet here-" Castle half-stands and slides the manilla envelope across the table to him.

Whitfield stares at it a long time, and then he reaches out with two fingers and pulls it towards him.

Castle lets out a breath. "You'll find all the information you need in there. Security is outside the door to see you out, but it won't be necessary to be conspicuous, should you choose it."

Gina squeezes the arm of the man at her side. "I can walk you out, Jake."

Castle grits his teeth; he expressly told her not to do that. Whitfield has just been fired, basically, and no amount of retirement benefits is going to take away the sting of that. Gina doesn't need to be anywhere around him right now.

Whitfield takes the envelope in one hand and he stands, pushing back from the conference room table. "I see how it is." And then he walks out, shaking off Gina as he goes.

Castle steps to the door and watches to be sure the security guards pick him up; they do, following him discreetly to his office door. Gina moves to go past Castle in the doorway; he grabs her by the elbow to hold her there.

"It's not a good idea. Follow him to the elevator, fine. But do not give him a hostage."

Gina gapes at him, mouth a wide slash of disbelief.

"Jake? You think Jake would do some office vengeance thing and go crazy? Rick, you have been following around your wife for entirely too long. In the real world, people don't do that."

He digs his finger and thumb into the soft flesh above her elbow, keeps his eyes emotionless on hers. "You can follow him to the elevator, but you cannot go down with him."

"You don't own me-"

"But I do pay your salary. Elevator and no more, Gina."

Her nostrils flare at him; she jerks out of his grip and goes down the hallway towards Jake.

She won't pay any attention to him; fine. But at least he's warned her that it might not be pretty.

* * *

Kate Beckett flexes her hand over her hip but she doesn't draw her weapon; she calms down and smiles like she can take it, listens to Gates coldly ream her out.

And then she gets the heck out of there and rounds on her team.

"What the hell?"

Esposito shakes his head, looking ticked, and Ryan's the one to bring her up to speed. "Warden called us before he came in. Gave us a head's up. Sokolov's dead."

"I got that," she grits out. "How did it happen?"

Ryan gives a helpless shrug.

"We don't know? Sokolov is dead and we don't know why?"

"Well, we know how. Shivved in the yard," Esposito says, some relish in his voice that Kate can't help but feel echo in her chest. She allows herself a moment of similar feeling, justice served, and then moves on.

"This morning?"

"This morning. There was some movement on our boy, but no one came after him."

"You mean Lockwood. We had movement against Lockwood, but Sokolov got it instead?" Slow, trickling horror is spreading through her blood. "How did he do that? How in the world did he flip it over on us?"

They take a moment, standing in a tight circle, still grim with it, and then Kate snaps out of the mood and gets the ball rolling.

"I've still got to head upstate and talk to Mary, but you two - I want you at the prison. We need to figure out how Lockwood knew Sokolov was moving against him, and what the hell he said to Sokolov's goons to get them to stand down."

"Got it, boss."

She turns and rubs at her forehead, then grabs her keys and coat, shrugs into it. Just as she goes past Gates's office, she hears the woman's voice cut through the busy of the bullpen.

"Detective."

Kate stops, turns towards the open office door, dreading whatever comes next.

"You're headed up to see the Montgomery daughter?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm coming with you."

Oh damn.

* * *

Castle catches Gina's look when she comes back up; she ignores him entirely and heads for her office, but he's already seen it.

It went badly.

Castle sighs and closets himself in his own office, pulling up the mock layouts for the new YA series that the art department worked up for him. But his concentration is shot and he's already pulling out his phone and calling Kate.

"Ah, Beckett."

"Hey," he says, surprised at her greeting. Did she not look at her phone? "Where are you?"

"Driving upstate with Captain Gates."

"Whoa. Shit."

"Uh-huh."

Castle laughs at her, kind of delighted that she's stuck in a car with Gates, and he hears the soft growl on her end. "Oh, babe. This is hilarious. Thanks. You just made my day."

"Glad to help," she gets out, and he just knows there's an _asshole_ somewhere in there too.

"Okay, I'll let you go. Wouldn't want you to look unprofessional, taking personal calls and all that."

"Mm."

"Yeah, I kinda love this. You can't say much, and I can make you squirm. Should I head south? Phone sex you up-"

She hangs up on him. He can tell just by the change in quality of the speaker; he glances at his phone and yeah, he's right. She ended the call.

Ah, he can go back to work now.

* * *

"Mary, I know that your dad told you to not talk to anyone, not answer the phone, but maybe it was just Rebecca on the line? Maybe you figured he couldn't be serious about Rebecca. . ."

Kate trails off and watches the young woman as she stands in the kitchen of the small cottage. She's offered them coffee, which Kate took, but Mary doesn't drink any herself.

She's a tall woman, her hair in a natural halo around her head; a ring winks on her finger that Kate takes note of. So it's not just boyfriend now, but fiance.

"What's going on, Kate?" Mary finally says, using her thumb to fiddle with the ring. Fiance for not long, then. "No one will tell me what's going on. Evan keeps calling and calling, but Dad said not for anyone. Don't answer for anyone. How did you find me?"

Kate leans her hip against the counter and keeps Gates in sight; the Captain is quiet, entirely too quiet, as she sips her mug of coffee, listening in.

"We're the police - supposed to be able to find you. Mary, listen, we really need your help to find Rebecca. Find your dad. There's something going on that we don't have all the information about-"

"He said not for anyone. Not to pick up for anyone."

"But you did?" Kate says softly.

"I did," she admits finally, closing her eyes. "I did. And now I can't get hold of her. I answered when she called me and I talked to her, and now there's nothing when I call. I'm freaking out, Kate."

"Okay, all right. Tell me what you can," Kate says, slowly taking her notebook from the kitchen counter, pen ready to jot down details as unobtrusively as she can. "Start with what your Dad told you. When he told you. How he looked."

"But Becca-"

"We will find her. But I need as clear a picture as I can get."

Mary finally turns and glances at Victoria Gates, standing in the kitchen and looking supremely confident, a little intense.

"Not in front of her."

Kate gestures roughly to Gates to clear out, and amazingly enough, she does.

"Okay, Mary. Now tell me."


	70. Chapter 70

Allie feels the poke of fingers in her ear, then down to a more insistent shove on her shoulder. She cracks open an eye and sees her brother standing in her room, a very serious look on his face.

"Dash?"

"I can't work your tv," he whispers.

She huffs and closes both eyes, then drags herself out of bed, drawing the sheet back over Rafe in the cold air. Kate warned her the bedrooms get cold, but man, this is cold. She shivers and bends down, grabs the long-sleeved tshirt Rafe wore to bed but pulled off sometime last night, and she yanks it on over her head.

"Let me get the tv working for ya," she murmurs, guiding Dash out of her room.

Like usual, Dash is definitely awake. No yawning, no rubbing his eyes, just a calm acceptance of the morning. She tries to remember what Kate does for him but she doesn't have decaf coffee to give him and she really wants to go back to bed.

"Oh man, buddy. It's only four in the morning," she moans, nudging his shoulder.

"I know," he says quietly, standing expectantly in front of the television in the living room.

Allie watches him and bites her lip. Probably a sensitive subject - thoughts about why he can't be like Ella, or other kids, or why he wakes and everyone else manages to keep sleeping. . .

"Hey, it's no problem," she says, sinking down onto the couch and reaching for the remote. "You can watch tv. Want me to stay up with you?"

"You don't need to. You were sleeping."

"But I can watch with you until I fall back asleep. I don't want to leave you alone out here."

"I always do it alone." He shrugs at her as he watches her hit the right combination of buttons to start their satellite television, memorizing the steps no doubt. The satellite link is still in Martha's name, but they'll switch it over as soon as they can - the other utilities as well. Just haven't gotten around to it. There's actually a pretty long list of stuff they need to do for the apartment, now that Allie thinks about it.

Four in the morning. And she woke when Rafe got in just after two. She really needs to go back to bed.

"Thanks, Allie," he says suddenly, taking the remote from her. "I got it from here. I know what stations Mom and Dad let me watch."

She studies him for a moment, tries to look at him like one of her patients, one of the troubled teenagers she's got to evaluate and help change behaviors. But Dash is already getting help, has gotten help, and he's so much better than he was - more able to handle his emotions, label the problems as they come in and work to solve them, maintain his system, keep himself under control.

His beautiful, narrow face, the cheeks already losing their baby roundness, his eyes as dark as Kate's and sometimes just as chameleon as well - shifting to green when the light is soft, or even that wash-out grey-brown when it's noon in the park. Here in the early morning pre-dawn light, with that hair flopping over his forehead like her father's does sometimes too, Dashiell looks like a young man, perfectly capable of managing the television and the morning alone - just as he usually does.

But sometimes a kid just needs to know he's not doing it alone.

Allie scoots back into the cushions and pulls her feet up, taking half the couch, then waits for Dash to turn back to her, his tv show already on. He pauses, glances at her face as if he needs to study her a moment to figure this out.

"Come on. If I start to snore, just shove on me and I'll stop."

He gives her a slow grin that blooms across his face just like Kate's - at first so secretive and then so dazzling, melting everyone it reaches. Dash climbs up on the couch with her and even though she knows he's not the two year old that used to lie on her chest and cuddle with her, she yanks on his arm.

He topples into her with a soft laugh, but he settles his cheek at her shoulder, gives a long sigh.

She strokes her fingers through his hair, kisses his forehead even though she's not his mother and it's probably not cool. And yeah, he gives her a look, eyes narrowing, but he's fighting a little smile. He bumps his head into her shoulder in retaliation. "Girl cooties," he mutters.

"You remind me of Dad," she says softly, laughing. "You and Dad are both funny guys."

He grins wider, making the similarities that much more apparent - the twinkle in his eyes is exactly their father's, despite the eye color.

"We're funny guys," Dash echoes. Then his arm snakes through hers and he rests his head against her again.

Yeah, sometimes he just needs to know he's not the only one. Mom is important, Mom counts, but that the rest of the family is here too, that they all want to help, that they love him. . .

"Love you, Dash."

"Love you back, Allie."

* * *

She falls asleep before the first show is even over, and Dash is so quiet that she doesn't wake again until Ellery is dropped on her from above. She huffs and startles awake to the girl giggling on her chest, glances up to see Rafe's amused face.

"So we gained a couple kids while I wasn't looking?"

"They were here last night. I told you that when you got home."

"Musta missed it," he grins back, then leans over and scoops the still-laughing Ellery off of her, Dash following them. "Get up, lazy-bones, we're having breakfast."

"Hey, Rafe, guess what today is?" Dash calls out. Allie scrambles up to join in, loving her fiance's breakfasts more than sleep.

"What's today, my man? I got no guess except Friday."

"More than Friday. It's a DMH. Or wait, a DMV? No..."

Ellery yanks on his sleeve and gives him a little glare, fiery and impatient. Dash leans in to her like she's going to tell him the correct term, but then he straightens up with a little bounce.

"Oh I know. Ellie 'minded me. It's a MDH."

"What's an MDH?" Rafe asks.

"No!" Ellery sighs. "MHD."

"Okay, MHD. What's that?"

Allie laughs. "I know what that is. Dad tell you that one?"

"Yeah, it's Daddy's," Ellery says quietly, pulling herself up into the chair. She's splayed on her belly for a moment before she can climb up, and then she emerges triumphant with her little face peering up over the counter, pushes her hair back with both hands.

Allie keeps her grin contained, tries not to let her fierce little sister see it, and turns to give Rafe a kiss on his cheek. "MHD stands for Mental Health Day."

"Ohhh, clever. I like that. Since you're not going to school, it's for your mental health, huh?" He grabs eggs from the fridge, starts gathering his ingredients. The chives is what always surprises her.

"Dad is smart like that," Dash says with pride. "We're both funny guys."

Rafe lets out a startled laugh, gives Allie a look. "That you are."

"I bet you could be one too," Dash says conversationally.

"Uh, well, thank you. I'll work on that." Rafe is smirking into the pan as he cracks open the eggs. Allie tweaks the skin above his pajama pants, kisses him again. He turns into it, arching his eyebrow. "I could be a funny guy, Allie."

"You could be. Have to work on that."

"Uh-huh."

"We having those things you made at the beach?" Ellery pipes up.

Allie turns to her and comes back to ruffle her hair. "Tortilla española. You liked those, Ella-bean?"

"I like 'em. Dash too. We can have 'em?"

"Rafe? What're you making us?" Allie says, giving him a wink as he looks at her.

He shakes his head. "Sure. I'll make them. They're basically just omelettes. And guess what Dad told me to add?"

"Marshmallows!" Ellery shouts.

Allie takes a step back, glances at Rafe, sees his shock. A shouting Ellery. Whoa.

"For that robust enthusiasm, marshmallows it is. But Dad actually said chocolate chips. You think-"

"I don't want that!" Dash blurts out, his little body rigid in the chair. He turns panicky eyes to Allie. "Please, Allie. I can't eat that."

"You won't - no, don't worry. We'll make you one without that stuff. Me too. I don't want to eat it either. Okay Rafe?"

"Got it. Two with weird stuff, two without."

She laughs. "Um, Rafe. Really. You're gonna eat that?"

"Your dad has some interesting ideas. His usually are terrible combinations, but it does make me wonder how I can alter it a little here and there, make it palatable - make it tasty." He wriggles his eyebrows at her, their little joke, and she blushes bright red at the word.

Tasty. Jeez. He can't say stuff like that in front of her little brother and sister.

To get them back on track, she suggests, "Um, well, my guess? Don't put marshmallows in with eggs. That's not _tasty._"

A little lazy smile for that. "Yeah, but we add cream to eggs. We add all kinds of things you probably don't even know you're eating. So why not marshmallows?"

"Because it's wrong!" Dash says, his face coloring. "It's not right. It's all the wrong feeling."

"Exactly," Allie adds, drawing an arm around Dash. "He's right. All the wrong feeling."

"But Tobasco sauce is okay? Jalapeño peppers? This kid eats those, but Ella would probably throw up."

"I do throw up!" Ellery shouts. Wow, all this shouting.

"I just meant, if you had to eat hot stuff like Dash eats."

"I do throw up with hot stuff," Ellery says, glancing to Allie, then to Dash for confirmation. Dashiell is already nodding.

"She did. She ate some off my plate and threw up."

"Wow. Ella. Bet that was miserable."

"I throw up. It made my mouth. . ." She trails off, her eyes not quite focused on them as she remembered or strained to remember. "Mommy did sit with me in the floor all night. All night, all night."

"Oh, poor baby. Well, this breakfast will not make you throw up. But make sure you don't eat Dash's breakfast."

"I not eat his. Never, never."

"I bet not," Rafe says, then points at Dashiell with his spatula. "We do have hot peppers. Want some in your eggs?"

"You can do that?"

"Of course."

"Yes! I like all the hot things. Dad says it's cause I'm a wild man."

Allie leans her elbows against the counter, sits on half of Ellery's stool to watch Rafe making their eggs, then glances back down to her brother. She knows the spicy stuff is because of the sensory issues, that it's just the thing that cuts through and actually registers to his taste buds, gives him some pleasure while eating. But the texture of food must matter too, if he panics at the thought of marshmallows.

"Hey, Dash. You like jello?"

"No," he says. "It's gross. Slippery."

"Yeah. What about whipped cream?"

"No."

"Ice cream?"

"Yeah! I can have ice cream?"

"Oh, no, sorry. I meant - um. How about after lunch maybe? Rafe and I will take you guys out to the park and then find the ice cream truck."

"Can we have those hot dogs they sell from the carts?"

"Arg, not the carts," Rafe sighs. "Come on, at least let's get lunch from one of the food trucks. That's a step in the right direction."

Dash gives Rafe a funny look, then turns to Allie and lowers his voice like he's going to comment on some sensitive subject. "Rafe is really picky about his food. Almost more picky than me, huh?"

Allie laughs so hard she falls off of Ellery's stool.


	71. Chapter 71

She presses the phone to her cheek, steps out of the kitchen only to find Captain Gates there, waiting not so patiently. An eyebrow is arched as she sees Beckett taking a call, but Kate holds up a finger and heads down the hallway towards a back bedroom.

"Castle?"

"Hey, babe. How's it going?"

"I'm kind of in the middle of this. What do you need?" she says, scraping a hand through her hair and hoping the interruption won't make Mary resist again.

"Oh. I just wanted to say I did it."

"You did what?"

"I fired him. I did it. And I hate myself a little bit now, but it's done."

She sighs and turns back around for the hallway. "Okay, well, I _don't_ hate you, except I will if you make me lose this lead. So Castle? I'm gonna have to call you back."

"Oh, snarky, I like it. Fine. Call me back. Oh wait-"

"Castle."

"I want to come. I mean - can I come help? I'm done for the day."

"You're done for the day?" She can't imagine how having him here would hinder anything, unless he's in a mood. And he might be. But still. "You sure you're finished? Let me talk to Gina."

"Haha, so funny. I'm done. I fired the guy and made sure he wasn't coming back to murder us at our desks-"

"That's not funny."

"It is a little."

"It's not at all."

"Now who can't take it?"

"Being snarky and being morbidly realistic are two different things."

"One could argue that being realistically morbid is exactly what I get paid to do."

"One could, if one wanted to invalidate one's wife's - arg, whatever, Castle. I can't keep this up with you right now. I need to get Mary on my side here. You go to the 12th and I will see you later."

He's chuckling over the phone, so she hangs up on him.

When she comes back out into the living room, Gates isn't there.

She's in the kitchen with Mary.

* * *

Castle deftly evades Gina at the elevator and heads out of the building, humming to himself. He calls Alexis to check on the kids and hears screaming on the other end.

"Oh, hi, Dad."

"What's going on?" he laughs.

"It's like epic war."

"Epic war. Huh. Okay."

"Rafe has nerf guns I didn't even know about. I mean, I knew he had one nerf gun, but turns out he has like eight-"

He can hear Rafe in the background, maybe yelling about spilling his secrets, something like that.

"I wholeheartedly approve. You tell Rafe that," he says.

"Okay, okay, shoot - Ellery!"

"Ella?" Damn, now he wishes he was there, not heading to the precinct.

"She shot me. Ellery! Not while I'm on the phone. I have a time out. Come on - not fair!"

Castle laughs as he hails a cab, surprised when he gets one immediately. He opens the door and slips inside, gives the address while he half-listens to Alexis yelling after Ella. "You sound more whiny than Dash. Go play your game, Alexis."

"Ooh, Dash. Seriously, you can't gang up on me, not all three of you. Oh, Dad, I gotta go. I gotta go!"

And then the line cuts off and he glances down at his phone, texts her a good luck before pocketing it. The cab is already snarled in traffic, but this guy is good - the driver snakes his way through the worst of it and makes it to the 12th precinct in record time.

Castle tips him generously; the guy doesn't even smile, just roars off back into traffic. Castle turns and heads inside, going through lobby security and then getting on the elevator. When the lift opens onto the bullpen, he finds Esposito in the conference room.

"Hey man. Here to help. What can I do?"

Esposito gives him a feed the birds and then hands over a thumb drive. "Glad you're here. Ryan's got the surveillance tapes from the prison, combing through that, but I'm looking at financials right now. You listen to the prison calls."

"All of them?" Castle gasps.

"Well, no. Not all. Lockwood and Sokolov, for a start. When I find the guys who Sokolov reached out to for the hit, then we'll know more. Because someone told Lockwood what was going down-"

"Wait, wait. What?"

"Sokolov. He's dead."

"The Russian bastard who had Kate last year?"

"Yeah."

"Good riddance."

"Yeah, except-"

"Except what?" Castle growls. He hates that guy, seriously and completely despises him. And he's dead. Good.

"Except Beckett tapped him to go after Lockwood, just first in a long line of prison threats-"

"Kate thought she could scare this guy?" Castle shakes his head. "Seriously? He's a hired killer. You can't tell me Kate thought she'd get the better of him like that."

"Worth a shot, man," Esposito glares. "Point is, if Lockwood maybe heard about it beforehand, someone tips him off? Then Beckett gets a trail. You see? She's got someone to connect him to. A lead on who hired him."

"You mean, she meant for Sokolov to get whacked."

Espo shakes his head, eyes flinty. "You think Beckett works like that?"

Thing is, Castle knows Kate. And maybe she didn't purposefully set Sokolov up to be murdered, but she knew it was a possibility. She knew it - had to know it - but she did it anyway because this is her mom's case. "I think Kate's not sorry to see Sokolov get what's coming to him," he says finally. "But yeah, if it gives us a link, something to trace back, let's not waste it."

What he doesn't tell Esposito is that his wife's willingness to compromise - even obliquely - her etched in stone principles means she's slipped further down the stairs than he thought. Further into her mother's case.

He told her he wouldn't let her fall.

He hopes he can keep that promise.

* * *

Kate holds out the phone, beseeching Mary wordlessly. She has to do this. They have almost nothing else - literally - to go on.

Gates was in here with that quietly cool demeanor, that _shit will rain down on you_ attitude that nearly ruined all the work Kate had done before Castle's ill-timed call. But she managed to redirect Mary's attention, walk her through it again, use her sense of family loyalty to make Mary understand.

Helps that Kate's a family friend, that Mary has baby-sat her kids.

Mary takes the phone, stops hesitating. She calls her sister.

Kate holds her breath, won't dare look at Gates, not even to kick her out of the kitchen. She keeps her eyes locked with Mary's, the ring twisting around on her finger.

Kate wonders, suddenly, where the boyfriend is. Fiance.

Hair raises on the back of her neck as she listens to the call ring through, endlessly. Kate lifts her head and glances immediately to the kitchen window, scanning the woods beyond.

"Captain," she says quietly, standing up from the stool and nudging her jacket aside.

Gates is at her six immediately, taut with tension. "Detective."

"Perimeter check."

"On it," Gates says, not even pausing to question Beckett's giving the order. She steps out of the kitchen and into the short hall leading to the backyard, which is mostly unbridled woodland.

"Kate?" Mary calls.

She turns, and the young woman is shaking her head. "No answer?" Kate asks.

"No. What now?"

"You've left her messages, I'm assuming?"

"Yeah."

"Call your father."

Mary hesitates, but then sighs and goes back to the phone. Kate's body is still thrumming with anticipation, awareness, something, and she heads back towards the living room, draws her weapon.

It's that strong.

She feels the vibration at her hip and slides her phone slowly out of her pocket, scans the room once, twice, and then again before checking her phone.

Gates, texting her: _All clear, but it feels wrong._

Uh-huh, Kate things so too.

She texts back using one hand, _Checking the cabin. Same feeling._

Kate starts for the back hallway, her gun at the ready, her arms not too far out so that her weapon can't be kicked from her hands. She walks slowly, pans the room, searches methodically. Closets, under the beds, bathroom, shower stall.

Nothing.

She texts Gates and her Captain comes back inside through the front door; they meet in the living room.

They both stand there a moment, awash in the sense that things are _off._

"Did she get through to Montgomery?" Gates asks finally.

"I don't know yet. Let's see." Kate heads back into the kitchen with Gates at her heels, her weapon still drawn because the feeling hasn't subsided.

But Mary is gone.


	72. Chapter 72

"What the hell?" Gates barks.

"Shh," Kate commands sharply, heads for the back door with her weapon drawn. "On me."

Gates falls in behind her and the two of them clear the door, then the hunch low in the yard, entirely too exposed. At least it's winter; the trees are naked and offer no protection to anyone. Kate scans the line of the woods and keeps her gun at the ready.

And then from the front of the house, Kate swears she hears an engine, the gravel spinning under tires.

"Front, front," Gates calls out, already running swiftly along the side of the house. In her heels and skirt no less, and damn if Kate isn't a little impressed.

She follows, the two of them going carefully around the corner, by the book, and then again around the side, towards the front of the cabin, wasting precious seconds but they have to; Kate has no idea who they're after.

The gravel drive that scars the wilderness right next to the house is definitely churned up, pieces of rock have flung into the dead grass. Kate jogs down to the dirt road and can just make out a dust cloud.

"Damn it-"

She hears an engine and turns in time to step out of Gates's way. The Crown Vic stops with a squeal and Beckett yanks open the passenger door, gets in. "Left," she breathes out, holstering her weapon.

Gates is gunning the engine and swerving left, the pitted road making Beckett jar in the seat. She holsters her weapon and hangs on to the overhead door handle, feels the car surge forward, that upgraded Hemi engine the CIA put in a few years ago (doesn't make up for the bitch that Sofia Turner was, regardless) now doing a magnificent job.

Soon, they're gaining on the car ahead of them - a Dodge Charger that should be making better time, or at least maintaining the lead. She strains forward to see a license plate, but it's conveniently mudded over. The driving is familiar, the way it weaves as if to avoid gunshots, how it takes the turns, and Beckett sits numbly in the passenger seat for a moment, stunned.

But she can't deny it.

It's Montgomery.

He - he came for Mary. Probably got Rebecca as well, which is why the girl didn't answer her phone. Kate narrows her eyes as if she can peer through the darkened windows of the Charger, but the forms are hazy-

"Are there three people in that car?" Gates says gruffly.

Three people. Mary, Roy, and Mary's fiance? Rebecca? Montgomery's wife?

"Yes, sir," she grits out. "I think so."

"You know who they are, Beckett? Because we need to go what we're up against here."

Kate shakes her head, but-

"It might be Montgomery himself."

Gates snaps her a look, but keeps determinedly dogging the Charger. Beckett endures the awkwardness for a moment, warring with herself. How much information, what information, how wide and deep the betrayal-

"No sign of a struggle in the kitchen," Beckett starts. "No drag marks outside. They were gone and in the Charger too quickly for Mary to have been resisting."

"Holy-"

"When Mary gave in and called Rebecca, she looked resigned, but not worried. It was Evan she was nervous about. As if she thought Rebecca might actually answer and give herself away. And not a word about her father."

"Okay. Okay. Fine. But regardless, detective, whoever it is - they've got Mary. Probably Rebecca-"

"And Evan is next?" Beckett finishes.

"That's what I'm thinking."

Kate fishes her phone out of her pocket, gritting her teeth as she watches the Charger begin to pull away. So it's been modified as well? Or her Crown Vic's upgrades just aren't good enough. Hard to tell. Did the Charger let them get close enough so Kate might know, ease her mind?

But she's not at ease. Montgomery has been-

"Kate?" comes his voice over the line.

"Castle. Two things: Gates and I are in pursuit of a black Dodge Charger, probably the 2010 model, just north of Bedford in upstate-"

"Got it."

"We're just off 137, Castle. Have Ryan get whatever traffic cams are close - there's a county park nearby. Ward Pound Ridge. You got that?"

"Check."

"And two. I need you to take Esposito and head to Evan's - sit on him."

"What's happened?"

"Someone's taken Mary. We're in pursuit."

"What?!"

"It might be Montgomery, or might be someone who followed me up here. I don't know, but it stands to reason that Evan-"

"-could be next," he finishes. "On it. I'll have Ryan get in touch with you when he's got satellite or something, then I'll call you when we've got him secured."

Castle hangs up and Kate slowly pockets her phone, brushes her hand along her holstered weapon. Satellite? Castle is fooling himself.

Still. It might not be her former Captain. All signs point to him being somewhere in the US, even still in the state, but it's a gut instinct alone that has her thinking this way.

"I hope you're right," Gates says, voice like stone. "If you're not, you've just sent your husband straight into the hands of a ruthless group of people."

"Esposito is with him."

"Will that be enough?"

* * *

Castle rides anxiously in the passenger seat, phone tapping against his thigh. He's turned the volume down because he doesn't want it giving away their position - if that's even a real concern, which it might not be; he just doesn't know. But if Kate calls him back, he wants to answer.

Or if Alexis needs him, his mother even. He can't be completely out of pocket, not like Kate can - and has to be - for the job.

He's nervous. This doesn't feel right. Evan and his girlfriend - is she his wife? he can't remember and usually he has a mind for these kinds of details - live in a little place in Greenwich Village and Castle is vibrating with energy as Esposito drives.

Espo's phone rings and he answers the handset, but Castle startles so hard at the ring that he drops his own phone. Bending down to pick it up, he hears Esposito's grunt of surprise.

Straightening, he catches Javier's look; Castle holds his breath and waits until the conversation is over.

"What was that?" he says, the moment the man ends the call.

Tio throws him a fierce glare, but he knows it's not really directed at him.

He's already filling them in. "Ryan and Valasquez got video on the stabbing this morning. It was Lockwood himself."

"Wait. He's in solitary," Castle blurts out.

Esposito growls. "Yeah, real nice of the warden not to tell us he'd been moved. I've got to call him - dig up the details. Castle call Beckett and tell her what we know."

He does, hears Kate's breathless greeting. "You guys already-"

"No, we're probably ten minutes from Evan's. Look, Espo got a call. Ryan and Valasquez finished viewing the prison tape and it's Lockwood. He's the one who stabbed Sokolov. He did it himself."

"No. No, he's in solitary. How the hell-"

Espo talks over Castle's hearing; he breathes a _wait a second_ to Kate and listens to Espo's end of the conversation for a moment.

"Kate, shit - it sounds like the warden didn't know either. They're going through records and-"

Esposito curses and punches the steering wheel. "Someone put through transfer orders. He's back in general population."

"Kate, he's out of solitary and-"

"You tell them to put him back. _Castle._ McCallister's in there - he can't - we cannot let those two-"

"Espo," he yells to the man, realizes he's shouting and lowers his voice. "Espo, the warden has to put him back into solitary. McCallister-"

"Yeah, I'm on it. Ryan's still working on getting air support for Beckett and Gates."

Oh, like a helicopter. Duh - what was he thinking, a satellite?

Esposito is already dialing another number, and Castle focuses on Kate again.

"Kate, Ryan's still working on your-"

A booming crash grates through the line, the rending of metal on metal.

"Kate?"

The phone is a garbled mess of noise and Castle grips it, presses it against his ear as if he can hear more-

"Kate."

There's a grunt, and cursing, and he knows it's his wife's voice.

And then the line goes dead.


	73. Chapter 73

She doesn't call him back; she doesn't call him back.

"Chill, bro."

"Not helping, Tio."

"You get a busy signal - that means she's on the line with someone. So sit back and stop making me jumpy."

Castle keeps his phone in hand, his knee bouncing like crazy as they pull up at Evan's address. Esposito gets out first, pushing back his sunglasses, and finally Castle's phone vibrates.

"Kate!"

"Sorry, I'm so sorry - but Ryan called me with a chopper update-"

"What happened? What's going on?"

"Gates rammed the back end of the Charger and we spun out. Accidentally ended the call."

"Damn, Gates is a bad-ass. You still-"

"No, we lost him. But the chopper is on its way, so maybe they can pick up the trail again. How's it over there?"

"Just got to Evan's."

"Okay, call me back when you know more."

"Will do." He hangs up right as Esposito is starting to look ticked with him, and they head towards the front of the building. Modest apartments just outside Manhatten, bordering on Harlem but not quite; the building is nondescript, yellowish-grey with a front fire escape that leads to the street where Espo's parked. Castle glances upward, counts the stories - five in all - and sees the rustle of curtains, a face at a window near the top. A cat two windows over. A string of laundry hanging to dry on the top floor - neon pink bra for all the world to see.

Apparently Esposito called ahead while he was talking to Kate in the car, because the building's super is there to meet them, looking nervous. He sweats, even in the winter cold, and two dark stains have appeared under the arms of his grey tshirt. His pants are held up with aging brown suspenders, his boots solid and workmanlike.

"Why you can't just call him-" he starts, the keys jangling on a retractable zipline attached to his sagging pants. But he does turn and lead them inside and then up the narrow staircase.

"Police business, sir," Espo says, entirely ignoring the man as he follows, checking each flight as they go.

Castle shoves his phone into his pocket and notes the architectural details that he so loves about the city. The thirteen layers of paint maybe not so much, but the wainscoting, the original-looking brass-detailed knobs, the windows set high above the doors - half tilted inwards to allow air to circulate. And sound to carry, as well, because the door at the end of the hallway cracks open and an elderly face appears.

"Go back inside, Mrs. McKay," the super says, shooing the woman like a cat.

She disappears behind her solid door, and they climb another floor, follow the man as he leads them to Evan's apartment.

Esposito pushes the super aside once it's unlocked, carefully opens the door as he draws his weapon. "Evan Montgomery? Evan. It's Detective Esposito, NYPD. I worked with your dad."

Silence greets his call, and the super hangs out in the hallway; Castle turns back to him. "You can go. Detective Esposito will talk to you downstairs."

He looks reluctant as he leaves, but he does go, and Castle enters behind Javier, hands loose at his sides but his eyes alert. The place looks well-lived, but the air is. . .not as closed-up and old-building-musty as he expected. He turns and glances at the front door; the hallway window is tilted open, so perhaps that accounts for the taste of pretzels and smog on his tongue as he breathes.

"Evan," he calls out. "It's Rick Castle."

Esposito jerks his head for Castle to come, and he keeps in tight formation as the detective aims his weapon ahead of him. They go through the apartment room by room but no one is home.

"Let me call him again," Castle mutters. He pulls his phone out while Esposito heads for the living room windows. He's just beginning to dial when Espo shouts, barrels back into him moving for the door.

"Down the fire escape, the little bastard." Esposito growls. Castle hangs onto his phone and runs out after Espo; the two of them take the stairs in a leap, jogging down to the lobby and shoving out past the super.

Castle sees the car just as it careens around the corner, nearly on two wheels, and yeah - it's a Charger.

"That is _not_ a coincidence," he shouts, jerking his finger at the car. Esposito is already heading for his unit, snarling for Castle to get in already, and he does, yanking the door shut even as Espo peels away.

Esposito moves his hand for the radio but falters, shoots Castle a look he can't interpret.

"Can't call it in. I'd have to explain why we're chasing down Evan Montgomery when it looks like he left under his own power."

"You could tell that?" Castle says.

Espo nods grimly. "Someone ahead of him, but he had a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Just jumping to the ground."

"Someone still could've been coercing him."

"There is that. But how do I explain this to Gates when she asks why?"

"Okay, so what do we do?" Castle peers anxiously ahead of them. "He's already four blocks away and getting farther-"

"Call Ryan. Traffic cams. He's coordinating with the chopper for Beckett, but Velasquez can help."

"Won't she want to know-"

"Not if Ryan doesn't tell her what. She don't need to know, man. Now call."

Castle is already dialing.

* * *

"Nothing on grid," Ryan reports. "And I got Castle on the other line. Let me get this."

Kate growls and shakes her head at Gates. "No sir." She hangs up. "Copter got nothing. He's made two grids already."

"We'll have to call it off, damn it. I can't use resources for this. She - if it's Montgomery, what the hell is going on here?"

Kate debates what to tell her new Captain, but she can't. Not without clearing it with the boys and Castle first; they need to be on the same page with this and there's just not enough information.

So she says honestly, "I don't know, sir. I really don't have any idea what's going on."

Gates snorts and pulls the car to an abrupt stop on the side of the country highway. Kate grips the door handle and knows she's in for it.

"Do you mean to tell me, Detective, that Mary Montgomery just got snatched right from under our noses and you don't have the faintest idea why?"

"I have. . .a lot of questions."

"And this morning, the warden comes in my office complaining about how you were the last one to visit Sokolov before his unfortunate demise, and when I tell you to _get on that_, the first thing you do is come upstate to talk to one of Montgomery's daughters?"

Kate keeps her mouth shut, but won't break eye contact. She can't, not without looking guilty of far more than she actually is.

"You wanna tell me what those two things have to do with each other?"

She really doesn't know. She has no idea what this is about at its core. Lockwood has connections she never expected, if he could get to Sokolov. And did the man behind all of this get to Mary, or was it Montgomery himself?

Gates narrows her eyes as Kate stays silent. "You expect me to believe that one of New York's finest detectives, the youngest to earn her promotion with the highest solve rate - you expect me to believe you don't have-"

"Sir. Really. What you know about this is what I know." At least about Mary Montgomery.

Gates grips the wheel tighter and cuts the engine now, swiveling her head to give Beckett a lethal glare.

"It occurs to me, Detective, that you are withholding information from me."

When Kate opens her mouth to protest, Gates hold up a hand, her eyes half-closed in an anger that razors her tone. She continues over Kate's unvoiced objections.

"One - we find a contract killer's cozy lair filled with photographic evidence suggesting that former Captain Montgomery's being targeted for a hit. Two - when we arrest said killer, you go to the prison and have a nice chat with Sokolov - a Russian mafia man who this morning winds up dead. I won't say it, but we both know you indirectly caused that man's death - and that is entirely unbefitting an officer, dishonoring this badge and this city. I was willing to let it play out because another officer's life seems to be at risk, but you're giving me nothing. I don't know how, or why you felt it was necessary, but I will find out."

Gates doesn't wait for Beckett to respond; she turns and frostily cranks the engine, puts the car in gear and pulls out onto the road again. After a long moment, Kate counting her breaths to make sure they still come, Gates cracks the silence.

"A word of advice, Detective? You want me on your side. Because you damn well don't want me against you."


	74. Chapter 74

When she gets back to the 12th, the place is filled with activity. Captain Gates is dogging her heels, but Beckett ditches her at the door to her office. Still, she can feel the woman's eyes on her the whole way. She spots Castle and Esposito across the bullpen and gives them a look filled with _what the hell?_

Espo has the guilty conscience to cringe and shake his head but Castle doesn't even falter. Sucks that she can't even cow him anymore.

"He got away."

"Yeah, guess so, Sherlock," she mutters, but Castle is looking relentlessly cheerful. He tugs on her belt loop with a finger as she comes in front of the murder board and she has to give him another _what the hell?_ in order to make him drop it.

"Where are we on all of this?" she says, scraping a hand through her hair and blowing it off her forehead. "Come on, update me, guys."

Esposito taps the photo of Evan he's plugged up on the board. "He's in the wind, but we've got alerts on his credit cards. No BOLO but-"

"No. Let's not go there yet. Girlfriend/fiance?"

"She's gone too," Castle adds, and is he seriously bouncing on his toes? It has been too long if he's this excited.

"Dude, seriously. Chill," Espo says, giving him a look.

Beckett flashes one at him in return, and Javi steps back, looks like he's doing a head check. Beckett herself glances over her shoulder and sees Gates watching them through the window.

"Javi. What else we got?" she asks, and turns back to him.

"Gates sent me the partial plate, and I got the license plate from ours - and I ran them - don't exist."

"What?" she bursts out, then swivels her head to look at Castle.

That's why he's entirely too gleeful.

He's grinning at her. "Plates don't exist, Kate. DMV has no-"

"I got it," she grits out, begins to share some of Espo's frustration.

"Dibs on CIA conpsiracy!" Castle crows. "I so call it."

"It is not-"

"Actually," a voice cuts in.

They turn as one towards Ryan, who is quick-footing it through the bullpen towards them, a file in his hand. He throws a few looks over his shoulder - completely conspicuous, really - and then stops in front of the board.

"Ryan. Tell me what you've got."

"Remember when we first tagged Sokolov?"

Kate stiffens. "Surely Sokolov has _nothing_ to do with this."

"No, but when he first came on our radar, back - what was that? Beckett you were pregnant, but was it Dash or Ella-"

She glares at him, and he slowly winds down, mouth open and staring at her.

Castle is chuckling and if he were any closer, Kate would step on his foot. They all know she absolutely does not like bringing her kids into this - not even as a time stamp on the past, not even-

She breathes out. "Sokolov was almost four years ago," she supplies. Pregnant with Ellery, but that is not the point. "What happened four years ago, Ryan?"

"Ah, yeah, sorry boss. Right. I tagged those unmarkeds following him, remember?"

Not really. She shrugs and Esposito shakes his head as well.

"Come on. I kept bringing it up and you guys kept calling me Castle-"

"Hey!"

"We do that when it's a wild or outlandish theory," Espo puts in, head tilted towards Castle. "In honor of you, bro."

"I'm not even here to defend myself," Castle grumbles.

"We call Beckett Castle sometimes," Ryan peace offers.

"Oh, that's cool, actually-"

"Enough," Kate says. "Ryan. Back to the unmarkeds."

"Yeah, okay, here," he says, and opens the thick file he's had clutched to his chest. He shows them a series of surveillance photos with - at a discreet distance - black Dodge Chargers.

"That's - are those our-?"

"They look the same?" Ryan says, grinning ear to ear. "Cause four years ago, that was the FBI."

"What?" Kate exclaims, grabbing the folder from him and paging through the photos. "The FBI? Are you telling me the FBI just nabbed the Montgomery family?"

Castle lets out a strange noise and she lifts her head to him, sensing it, _feeling _it. He knows something.

"Castle."

He bobs his head and reaches for the photos, takes one and studies it for a moment. She waits because she knows him - he's got something, he's trying not to jump to conclusions because he knows how important this is - but he has _got_ to spit it out.

"Castle," she prompts. "What."

"I think. . .I think maybe Montgomery told me this would happen."

* * *

Castle feels her hand in a death grip over his elbow as she yanks him into the women's bathroom.

"Ooh, kinky, woman-"

"Shut it," she growls at him and glances quickly through the stalls, banging the flat of her hand at the doors so they pop open and ricochet off the metal sides.

He keeps quiet becuase he knows he should've - yeah, he missed this one, but there's more to it than that. He's got to talk to her too. Things need to be said if he's going to keep her from falling through.

She spins around and faces him, and the frustrated anger dissolves a little from her eyes, melts the harsh lines at her mouth. "Okay. Sorry, that was mostly for Gates. If it's a lovers' spat. . ." She sighs, rubs two fingers at her forehead.

He smiles back, shrugs it off. "You don't scare me."

"I know," she says wryly, shakes her head. "Still, she's gonna find out about - things. If we're not more careful. I don't think we can keep it from her for much longer."

"She say something to you in the car?"

Kate nods once and he leans back against the sink, studies her a moment.

"What about?" he prompts.

"Castle, I appreciate you being here," she says suddenly and takes a step towards him, hands fisting and then releasing. "I need you here. I - did something yesterday-"

"Sokolov," he supplies.

She nods. "He's dead. Mostly. . .because of me."

"I heard that."

She rocks forward on her toes and then back to her heels. "Gates called me out on it."

"Good," he says back.

Kate lifts her eyes to his, stays there. He holds out a hand to her, palm to the floor, and she slides her palm underneath his, fingers to his wrist. They pause there for a moment, Castle remembering when that used to be so strange, giving and receiving from each other like this, and then he curls his hand around hers and pulls her into him for a quick hug.

She gives in for only a moment then pushes back, looks stronger for it. "Tell me about Montgomery."

"That night in the bar - in my office - he said he was working on an escape plan. I thought, at the time, he meant Jamaica. I really did, Kate. I thought it was about his retirement."

She nods and crosses her arms over her chest. "What did you hear him say?"

It's a brief acknowledgement of how far they've come together, her using that phrase from therapy. She's letting him know she's on top of this, she knows pushing Sokolov and setting him up wasn't up to her own personal standards of integrity, and she's working on it.

It's amazing what they can say to each other between the lines.

"I heard him say he was quitting because he couldn't take it any more - a day of reckoning, if you will. He was retiring because he'd done this terrible thing and he wanted it over. But-"

"But what did he actually say?" Kate finishes. "The words he used, and not what you thought he said."

He closes his eyes to recall, summons up the orange lamp light and the way it shadowed the Captain's face, the death that seemed to linger in the bags under his eyes and the stillness of his fingers against his thighs. Castle has been his own unreliable narrator, and even though he hates having gotten the story wrong, it's still oddly right that it would be him duped by a convention of the genre.

"He said he's been. . .he's known this was coming," Castle starts slowly, trying to replace the filter of what he thought he heard with what was actually said. "He can't put it off any longer. The file he gave to this guy was to protect you - damn, Kate, I was so pissed I punched him. I don't know what he was really saying then. All I heard was _I did this to protect your wife_, and I lost it."

She's curling her hand at his forearm, sliding up to his elbow as she comes closer. "I'm sorry I left you to handle it alone."

"I'm not," he says, shaking his head. "I'm glad you did what you needed to do, Kate."

Her thumb strokes over the insertion point of his muscle, fingers gripping him and then she allows herself to lean in, almost chest to chest. He wraps his arm around her and brings her the rest of the way, presses his lips to the side of her cheek. She's as tall as he is in those boots, and he likes having her mouth so close.

She sighs. "Montgomery put his family under the FBI's protection, so it seems. But a couple of black Chargers aren't proof. And we've got nothing on the sniper or who hired him-"

"But we do have Lockwood on jailhouse camera stabbing Sokolov."

She jerks in his arms and pushes back. "We what?" She's already shoving away and heading back out of the bathroom, yelling for Ryan as he follows in her wake.

He grins at her back. "Ryan totally buried the lead."


	75. Chapter 75

She goes through official channels and posts her request to the usual three-letter agencies, but she doesn't expect a timely answer. Beckett emails Jordan for a personal favor, because they have got to find out what's going on.

If it's not protective custody, then the Montgomerys are in deep trouble, and they are still - after everything - part of the family.

Beckett discovers that Gates has already sent uniforms to Mary's cabin upstate, coordinating with local law enforcement, and she fires off an email to them as well, asking to be kept in the loop. There's also the investigation ongoing at Roy's and now Evan's, crime scene techs are at the last one, but she doesn't expect anything to come of it. Still, she needs to keep on top of things.

And on the other side of this, she's got Ryan looking into everyone at the prison. He found the transfer orders for Lockwood getting out of solitary this morning - he's already sent them to her desk - but she's only managed to skim it. It needs her attention though.

She feels, suddenly, like Nikki Heat - spinning plates, checking in to make sure they keep spinning, but really getting nowhere.

Castle would be over the moon if he knew. So she doesn't tell him.

He's headed back out to Allie's place to get the kids, and she's running over eyewitness statements from the prison yard. Kate grabs the transfer order to give it a more careful look even as she comes to a familiar name in the wit's statement.

"Hey, Ry-?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"The name of the guy who signed out Lockwood."

"Yeah. Ryker."

"He's also listed as being one of the guards in the yard this morning."

Ryan stands up and comes over to her desk. "I haven't gotten to him yet on my search."

"Do him now."

"Kinky-"

"Shut up, Ryan. Castle is rubbing off on you."

He quirks his mouth at her and she shakes her head, but she appreciates the effort. Actually, Castle might have told him to keep it light.

"Ryker," Ryan affirms. "_Doing him_ now."

And because she can't help the smile that cracks her face, she rolls her eyes at him.

* * *

He walks out of the subway station and up into cold light, shivers as he draws his coat around him. He's usually not that cold, Kate's always complaining that he's a furnace in bed, but today - here - he can't help the trickle of ice down his spine.

Castle forces himself to walk a normal pace, but he keeps his eyes open as he heads down the sidewalk. To the docks at the end of the street and that one old boathouse.

Well, not _the one_, but close enough.

This guy, whoever he is, might be a friend of Montgomery's, but he's not a friend of theirs. And honestly, being a friend of Montgomery's right now doesn't come with a lot of respect or admiration.

Turns out the Captain was hanging with a pretty disreputable bunch. Friends of his are more likely to be enemies of theirs.

He didn't tell Kate this was what he was doing. He just brushed by her in the bullpen on his way out, said he was getting the kids. He is - will be - but he wanted to check the drop first.

He can shoulder some of this for her, without making her go through the anxiety of it, even with him here at her side. One of the things they learned in therapy, actually, now that he's reminded. Some jobs can be handled alone, trust your partner to act in your stead - all that.

When he hits the shipping comany with the boat hook-as-pulley out by the fenced in storage containers, his whole body squeezes tight.

The rust has been smudged off - the streak of it she left - as well as the piece of duct tape - gone.

Castle's heart trips in his chest and he heads for the drop box, flips the lid as quickly as he can manage with his suddenly too-fat fingers-

Nothing. There's nothing. Their note is gone, but nothing is in its place.

* * *

Castle kisses his daughter's cheek as she greets him at the door. It's strange to slide into Kate's old apartment and see Alexis and Rafe's things redesigning the space. Strange but good. Like somehow he's had something to do with it, how things have happened.

Well, he has. He got her pregnant, right?

"Hey, Dad. I didn't realize you were picking them up at lunch time," she says, her nose wrinkling. Rafe is just past her in the kitchen - of course - but he doesn't see the kids.

He steps inside and grins at his daughter. "What I'm hearing is - you're not happy to see me."

She laughs. "Okay, enough with the counseling language. It's weird coming from my dad."

He grins back and shrugs. "Kate started it."

"Kate star-" Alexis's face clears suddenly and she laughs. "I forgot you guys went to counseling. Wow. That's kinda cool."

Castle is about to answer her when a couple of bodies fly across the room and slam into his legs. He grunts at the impact of his kids and leans over to hug them back.

"Hey now-"

"I don't want to leeeeave," Ellery wails.

"Whoa." He glances over at Alexis and she shrugs, as if so pleased with herself. "Ella, baby girl, it's-"

"I kind of promised her we'd go shopping for shoes." Alexis gives him a weak smile, apologetic.

"I'm not shoe shopping!" Dash bellows.

Castle grips him by the arm and pulls the kid off his legs. "Dashiell Hammett. Inside voice, buddy."

"I'm not going shopping. Can't make me." He crosses his arms and glares at his sister.

Castle quirks an eyebrow to his daughter and she winces. Ah, all morning then. "Okay, how about this? Dash, you and me, kiddo. We'll leave the girls to shopping."

"And me," Rafe calls out. "I'm going shopping too." He wipes his hands on his shirt - a ratty thing that looks like it's his usual kitchen attire, judging by the stains - and then comes forward and shakes Castle's hand.

Rick tugs him in for a hug, the back slapping kind that he realizes now is the same as the one Jim Beckett always gives him.

Huh. He's never realized it, but he does model quite a good deal of his father-of-an-adult-daughter behavior on Jim Beckett. He'll have to share that with the man.

"Rick."

"Rafe. You really getting roped into shoe shopping?"

He shrugs. "I like to shop. I like the selection. Like spices. Dressage."

It clicks for Castle and he nods thoughtfully. "Huh, never thought about it like that. That's a new perspective. I might sit down with you and pick your brain-"

"Uh-oh," Alexis interrupts. "Watch out. Going in a novel."

"Don't scare him off," Castle chides, bending down to detach Ellery from her camp out on top of his feet. "Ella, it's settled. Shoe shopping with Rafe and Issis."

"I not call her that."

"I know, baby girl. I was being funny."

"You funny sometimes, Daddy," Ellery says generously, lifing her arms up to him. He laughs and picks her up for a big hug, kisses her cheek noisily.

"Thanks, cricket. Have fun, be good. We'll see you around dinner time?"

Rafe is nodding. "I was going to make something, bring it when we come over."

"Great idea. Thanks. Alexis," he says and leans in to kiss her as well, hand off Ellery. "My girls be good."

He can't help cupping Ella's cheek, and she leans into his palm with one of those bright smiles, a hand up at her ear, hair messy like she never got it combed last night.

Oh, right, that was his job.

He turns and spots his son, already ready to go. "Okay, Dash, my man, on me."

Dash falls in, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder so that it nearly carries him around, and Castle sees Rafe quirking a smile, trying to hide it.

"On you, Dad," Dash says though, catching up even as Castle opens the door for them.

Alexis follows with Ellery and they both wave as the boys go down the hall; he wriggles his fingers at them and then reaches a hand out for Dashiell, palming the back of the boy's head.

Dash hurries to fall into step with his father and Castle takes note of the puff of pride in chest, the way his kid's eyes dart up to him, always checking.

He's been a father to a five year old before, but never to a boy, and it's different; it keeps taking him by surprise. He didn't have a father, doesn't know what it means to have a guy to look up to as a role model, as someone you want to be proud of you, someone you mimic and strive to impress and whose behavior your take in as your own.

He wonders if he's doing it right.

"Dash, buddy-"

"Yeah, Dad?"

It twists in his chest, that little voice sounding so strong and eager at the same time, twists in a really good way. He and Dash should do something fun together today, maybe go swimming, make it up to the kid.

"You know how Ellery and I went swimming without you?"

"Yeah," he says, a touch of disconsolation in his voice, head hanging.

"Yeah, Mom's right," Castle laughs, sidetrack by the drama. "You're as melodramatic as I am."

Dashiell's face lifts and he beams back. "I am?"

"Uh-huh. Not sure it's a good thing, but it's worked for me. Got me your mom."

"It did? How does it do that? Mom says melodrama is being loud with your feelings."

"Yeah, pretty much. Mom has the best definitions, doesn't she?"

"She has good ones. But you do good, too, Dad."

He pulls Dash's head against him for a quick hug. "Well thanks. But here's how being loud with my feelings got me your mom - she couldn't ignore me, couldn't forget me, couldn't get me out of her head."

"Oh, because you were so loud?"

"Yes. Because my love for mom was so loud."

"Is it like yelling? Because I don't think you love me like yelling."

"Ah, that's a good distinction to make. No, it's not like yelling. Loud like a color can be loud - no voice, but a lot of chroma."

"What's chroma?"

"Ah. It's. Well, color. Your Gram wears a lot of loud colors, if that helps."

"A loud color is a color with a lot of color?"

Castle winces. "Yeah. Does that make sense?"

"Um. Let me think. You love mom with a lot of color - chroma - in it. Loud color. So that it. . .it's everywhere. All over. Loud colors like Gram wears all the time, right?"

"Yes."

"So. . .you can't help but look. When Gram wears that. . .green thing, with the orange, the big orange flowers? That's so. . .it makes my head messy."

Oh? Huh. He remembers that dress. It does have green leaves, orange flowers like a jungle print. But the background is mostly navy or black. But Dash just sees the scramble of color, doesn't he? Well, that's an interesting way to think about love.

"Actually, Dash, I think you've got something there."

Dash startles to a stop and glances down at his hands. "I just got my bag."

Castle suppresses his laugh and reaches out to push open the front door of the apartment building. "I mean, love and color and making your head a mess."

"Oh. What have I got?" he asks, his voice puzzled.

"Well, we'll get into that, but first - you up for a subway ride, or should we go taxi?"

Dashiell hesitates on the sidewalk, and Castle knows it's because Kate tries to push him to take the subway, to keep it together, a test of his endurance and discipline every time. All the people, the echoes, the noise, the crowded platforms, the poor lighting.

"Hey man, let's do taxi. Then we can talk about color and love and all of that without having to hear everyone else's conversations too."

Dash relaxes, shoulders dipping in relief. "Yeah, that's good."

Castle takes him by the hand and steps to the edge of the sidewalk, hails a couple of cabs as they fly by. It might take a few tries, since it's right around lunch, but the look on his kid's face is worth it.

Yeah, he's never been the father of a son before, never had a father to want to be proud of him, but he might be doing this just right.

Anyway, he's not worried about it; Kate would tell him if he wasn't.


	76. Chapter 76

"All right, buddy, we've got our mental health day. What are you thinking?"

Dashiell twists in the back of the cab, watching the city pass their window before turning to his father.

"Jessie kissed me."

Castle grins, tries to keep cool, not make a fuss. "She did, huh. Where?"

"On the playground."

"Oh, no. I mean, where did she kiss on you?"

"Oh." Dash gives him a sly look. "Didn't you say a gentleman never kiss and tells?"

Castle cracks into a grin, unable to help it. "Yeah, I did. But you've kinda already told, plus these are the things you tell your father. Man to man." Right? Yeah. Castle has no idea, but he wants to know how this kissing stuff came about.

"Oh, okay. She kissed me here," Dash says, and presses his finger into his cheek, practically giving himself a fish face. "I was embarrassed."

"Did she do it in front of all your friends?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, that's probably why. Because you like Jessie, right? She's a good friend?"

"Yeah. But it was colorful."

It was. . .what? "Her kiss was colorful?"

"Like you said. Lots of loud color. Made a mess of my head, Dad."

Castle settles back against the seat of the cab, plainly remembers being in kindergarten and chasing after - what was her name? - oh, Karen. Yeah, chasing after Karen on the playground every day, her skirt flaring as she ran, her mary janes dusty. What did he do when he caught her?

He probably kissed her, and she probably punched him.

He's always been attracted to strong, independent women.

"So Jessie's kiss made a mess of your head."

"It was noticeable."

"Well, yeah, I bet it was."

"And you said - upstairs in Allie's place - you said that's what love is."

Oh he did. Sort of. "I said I'm melodramatic in how I love Mom - or, well, yeah, close enough. And that means I was really loud about it. I stuck around even when Mom didn't like me-"

"Mom didn't like you?" Dash says, his voice squeaking in surprise as he looks at his father.

"Well. Uh. No. Not - I think she did, but she said she didn't. You know how a word can be two things at once - two opposite things? How people will say one thing, but mean another?"

"Yeah," Dash sighs. "People do that a lot."

"Mom does that."

Dash shakes his head. "No, she doesn't."

"Well, Mom did that with me."

"She doesn't to me."

"Not now she doesn't, and not to me either anymore. But before you were born, Mom did that - she'd say one thing, but inside her heart, she really meant something else. But she learned how not to do that so by the time you came along, Mom is the best mom for you."

"Mom learned?"

"Yeah."

"From you?"

Huh. "Yeah, I guess - well, yeah. She did actually." Therapist helped too. He's never thought of it like that before, but they're good together precisely because of the ways they compliment each other, the things they've learned. He might live his love out loud, but it doesn't mean hers is any less deep; it took him a couple years to figure that out. Therapy too. "You know, sometimes, Dash, you have to have help in loving people the way they need to be loved. You have to just figure it out and learn from your mistakes. It made me a better dad and it made mom a better mom."

"So you helped Mom learn to be my mom?" Dash looks confused, and Castle is getting that way too, but there's still something buried in all this that he wants his son to know, to learn, something important.

"Dashiell. When you love someone - even if you just love Jessie like a friend-"

"I don't want her to kiss me, but I want her to be my friend."

"Yeah, the kissing stuff can happen way later-"

"I don't even want _Mom_ to kiss me," Dash growls, screwing up his nose and sticking out his tongue. "Yuck. Girls are gross."

Castle laughs. "Oh, my man, that will change. Anyway, here's what I'm getting at. Loving people - our friends, our sisters, Mom and Dad, whoever it is we love - we have to do that loud."

"Loud."

"If we don't love them so much that they _notice_, that it's in their face and bright colors and messing with their heads in the kind of way where their world is different because you're in it - if you don't love your people like that, Dashiell, then how will they ever know? It's the best part, making someone else feel good because you love them. And that's what Mom learned. That's what I learned too. That's what I want you to learn."

Dashiell is picking at the hole in the seat of the cab, his finger digging under the plastic and pulling out stuffing. Castle closes his hand over his son's to still him, wonders if maybe that was too much for a five year old.

Yeah, probably so.

"Dad, I don't really get it."

Castle laughs and hooks his arm around his son, pulls him into his side. "That's okay, my man. You're only five. Don't worry about it. That's what me and mom are here for - to help you get it as you grow up."

Dashiell shrugs against him. "Okay. But Mom keeps kissing me anyway. Will she always do that?"

"Yeah, my man. I think you're stuck there."

Dash presses his face into Castle's arm, but he doesn't, actually, look that frustrated about it. Maybe he actually likes it, on that same level where people say on thing and mean another.

He grins at the thought. "What'd you do when Jessie kissed you?"

"I wiped it off."

Eh. He'll learn. "And then what did Jessie do?"

"She asked if I wanted a push."

"A push?"

"I was on the swings. So she pushed me and then we swinged."

"Swung."

"We swung."

"Well, that's a good start on the love stuff - you just kept being her friend. So don't worry about not understanding."

"Oh. Well what if I don't want her to kiss me?"

"Tell her not to."

"I can do that?"

"Of course. And if she still kisses you, tell the teacher."

Dash goes silent at that, but he digs into Castle's side and stays there through the rest of the ride.

* * *

"Did you want to go swimming now?" Castle asks him. "Or did you want to go with Collin and Ian on Saturday?"

"Collin and Ian!" Dash yells, jumping in the elevator and making Castle's stomach pitch as it lurches.

He reaches out and grabs Dash by the hood to keep him from doing it again. "All right. We'll go tomorrow with the Ryan boys. What do you want to do, just you and me?"

Dash twists in his father's grasp, looks up at him. "I'm gonna have to think on that."

Castle smiles. "You do that. I'll think on it too."

The elevator opens up and Dash spills out, rocketing down the hallway and ripping out of Castle's grip. He follows behind, trying to think up something fun to do with Dash that isn't laser tag (he really wants to get Kate in on it for their second game), and then the kid comes tearing back to him.

"I need the key. I wanna see my dog."

"You can do it by yourself?"

"I can do it," he assures, holding his hand out for the key.

Castle hands it over, two fingers picking out the door key for the kid, and Dashiell takes it carefully to make sure he doesn't lose which one it is on the ring. Then he darts away again leaving Castle to follow.

"Hey, you wanna take Rex to Central Park? No playground with the dog, but-"

Dashiell pauses in the middle of the hallway, turns his surprised face back to his father, eyebrows nearly hitting his hairline.

"I don't need a playground. Yeah, Dad, let's go to the park!"

* * *

It's a long walk for them, but Castle lets Dashiell hold the leash, which is probably - with any other dog than Rex - an entirely terrible idea, but it seems to work out okay. Rex barely even tugs, the people crowding in don't faze him, and he stays at Dash's side like he knows.

He might know - this is one smart dog.

Julie mentioned that she thought Rex might've been a therapy dog back in Texas. Kate invited her over for dinner right before Christmas and that's when Julie met the dog, got to see Dashiell's interactions with him. She was impressed and gave them some good ideas for helping Dash be more responsible with him.

"Dad, hey - this one?" Dash calls, tugging him from his memory.

Castle glances up at the 7th Avenue entrance across from the New York Athletic Club. "Sure, this one works." He follows behind Dash to make sure no one mows the kid down - lots of joggers out this afternoon, catching the last of the light before the relative warmth fades.

Horse-and-carriages are lined up on Central Park South; the snort of a horse as Rex goes past only makes the dog lift his head and look, nothing more. Dashiell glances over, then grins - a really crazy huge smile on his face as he guides them all down the broad sidewalk and under the shifting shadows made by the trees overhead.

Castle is about to ask when Dash turns his head and looks at his father. "Naked, Dad?"

He groans and shakes his head. "Bad, bad choice. I had to pay the consequences."

"Mom said she was thirteen, Dad. You didn't know her."

"That's probably exactly _why_ I made bad choices with the police horse." Castle shakes his head at the sly little smile that his son still holds.

They stop at a drinking fountain that incorporates a dog sized trough at its base. Dashiell plays in the water for a few minutes as Rex laps at it, but it looks like the kid is more interested in it than the dog, so Castle moves them along. It's too cold to be playing in water out here.

"Can I let him off the leash and play?"

"Not on the sidewalk. Let's move over to the grass," Castle says, nudging the boy towards the expanse of lawn. Even in winter there are natives sprawled all over the brown grass, on blankets or towels, sitting on their coats, camped out under the trees. There are leash laws for Central Park, but if they stay away from people, no one really cares.

The dog tilts his head as they come to a relatively clear area, and Castle begins to hear it too. Live music somewhere in the park, the hard echo of drums clashing through the tree branches.

If he was with Kate, they'd drag the kids over to see who was playing, but as it is, Dashiell and the dog both won't be comfortable in front of the amps. Even as it is, the faint sounds are enough to irritate Dashiell's senses - like having the radio turned up and down, up and down, without any real knowledge of when the crank in volume is going to come.

And Castle has forgotten to give the kid his listening therapy this week, which is supposed to help train his ears and brain into working together.

Shoot. They'll do that when they get home.

Leaves crunch underfoot, and soon Dash is kicking them up in clumps, the dog half-hopping over them as they fall back down. Once they're well off the main path and behind some trees, Castle leans over and uses the dog as cover to scoop up a wad of damp leaves. When Dash isn't looking, Castle dumps them on the kid's head.

His son shrieks like a girl and jumps a mile, giggling like crazy as he turns wide eyes to his father. "You put leaves on me!"

"I did. What're you gonna do about it?"

Dashiell stoops down and practically kisses the ground to rake a huge amount of leaves into his arms. Castle stands there and watches, arms crossed, pretending like he doesn't care, and then Dashiell struggles back up, grinning like a fool, and stalks closer.

He's dropped the leash and Rex is doing that crazy half-bounce-jump thing were his front paws never quite make it off the ground. Castle turns his head to watch his son's careful progress, the way the kid seems to be planning it out. Dashiell circles his father, swinging behind Castle, and then suddenly a rain of wet, dirty leaves are cascading over his shoulders.

He spins and snatches his son up, making him shriek, and then he swings him out over the leaves, over the dog's head, and around again. Dashiell giggles with his head thrown back, eyes practically closed, and Castle drops him to the ground in a thick pile.

Dash giggles so hard he falls onto his back, legs skimming the leaves like he's making a snow angel, prompting Rex to come over to him. The dog licks the boy's face with a whine of concern, glancing back over his dark shoulder towards Castle as if to say _what have you done?_

Castle grins and goes down to his knees by Dash, feels the damp dirt soaking through his pants and doesn't even care.

"Hey, my man, you-"

Dashiell springs up with a rebel yell and dumps a huge load of leaves right over his father's head.

Castle laughs, blinks hard to get the dirt out of his eyes, and reaches blindly for his triumphant son.

Dash dances away. "Can't catch me!"

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"

And then he's lumbering to his feet and Rex is barking in excited warning and Dashiell is laughing as he runs to hide behind a tree, his face bright and sparkling and _loud_ with love.


	77. Chapter 77

When his phone rings, they're just getting to the coffee shop. Dash is bouncing around even though he was sad about leaving his dog at the loft, but he waits on the sidewalk while Castle fishes his phone out. Dash has somehow struck up a conversation with an older woman at an outside table, eager to show off his knowledge of coffee.

"Hey, babe."

"Not now, Castle. We found a prison guard dead at his home - it's got something to do with the Lockwood transfer. I'm not getting out of here any time soon."

"Ah, darn. I'm sorry. Email me details when you get a chance. Ellery stayed with Alexis and Rafe, and they're coming over and bringing us dinner around seven."

"Seven? I might be able to do that, but don't count on me."

"I won't." He nods at Dashiell to go in ahead of him, holding the door. "Actually, switch that. I always count on you. But we won't wait on you for dinner."

A quick laugh. "I've got to go," Kate says, sounding harried. "I have to go. Castle-"

"I got it covered here. You keep us safe."

She mutters something, but he thinks it's to someone on her end, not to him, and then she comes back. "Yeah, thanks. It's not - I'm just stuck here, putting together all these disparate investigations and trying to keep on top of things."

He lowers his voice as they duck into line for coffee. "I like you on top of things. And you said disparate, which you know your vocabulary always makes me hot, Detective."

A chuckle from her - all he wanted - and she sighs something on the line that he can't quite catch, but which he thinks is _I love you._

He grins down at Dashiell; the kid is looking at him funny, so he probably heard some of that. "Go do work, Kate."

"Yes, sir," she drawls, laughing again. "Thanks. Needed that."

And then she hangs up on him; he glances at his phone to check, then slides it into his pocket. "Well, Dash. Not sure how great our plan is gonna work. Mom's busy."

"Can we still try?"

"Yeah, we can. We'll still try."

* * *

Castle should've thought of this, but he didn't realize. The cookie he bought the kid masked the symptoms for a block or so, but Castle mistook his bouncing around for actual energy. It wasn't. The bouncing was his overtaxed body's way of reminding Dash he needed rest and food. And then the cookie just gave him an even bigger sugar crash afterwards.

Oops, Dad's fault.

At least they left the dog at home.

Castle leans over and picks up his son, carefully balancing the tray of coffees, bringing them both close to his chest until everything's settled. Dash wraps both arms around his neck and wilts.

"Sorry, buddy, should've gotten you some oatmeal or a muffin. I know better."

Dash rolls his head on Castle's shoulder and his sigh is a little whiny, but it's not as close to meltdown as Castle was afraid of.

"I'm gonna find you something. Okay, bud? Let's find a place to stop and then we'll-"

"No, Daddy. We can't. The coffee will get cold," Dash moans. Pitiful thing. No wonder Castle drives Kate crazy sometimes, if this is what it sounds like. "We can't; the whole thing will be ruined!"

"It won't be ruined by cold coffee. Mom can microwave it; it'll be fine. But you know what will ruin it?" he says quietly, trying some of Kate's tactics. Low voice, murmuring in his ear, because he can't wrap the kid in a deep pressure embrace like he needs.

"What?" Dash huffs, petulant still.

"What can ruin it is if we go visit Mom and she meets a whining little boy. Mom's already really busy, and worried about all the work she has to do. We're supposed to be a nice break for her. But we can't be a nice break if we're throwing a fit."

"I'm not throwing a fit."

"Not yet," Castle warns, scanning the street ahead. He spots the Taim Mobile truck and praises the universe for that, steps out of the flow of traffic towards the brown food truck. "Look, we've got that smoothie place you like. A smoothie will help you get some control."

"A smoothie? But the coffee-"

"It'll take five minutes. The line's really short. Lift your head and look, my man."

Dashiell twists his head and looks, eyeing the three people stopped ahead of them. Castle steps up, already juggling Dash to try to get at his wallet, the coffee tray precarious in his grip.

"I can have a banana one?"

Yes, thank you, thank you. "Of course. Date lime banana smoothie, right? That's your favorite."

"You gonna have a falafel?"

Last time - right, last time Castle shoved a falafel in his mouth - or tried to - and they were late. . .where? Somewhere. Maybe it was the pool last summer. "Nope. Cause we're trying to be fast. I got your back."

"Oh, thanks, Dad. I can get your wallet."

Castle twitches his lips. "Actually, you hold the coffee. Very carefully, cause I'm gonna have to jostle you a little bit to get my wallet."

Dash looks honored to be the bearer of the tray, and Castle prays he doesn't make the kid spill it as he goes for his back pocket. It's a rocky transition, but he gets two fingers on his wallet and fishes it out with a sigh of relief.

Taim doesn't take credit cards, so Castle pulls out a twenty and puts his wallet in his inside coat pocket for now. Dash releases the coffees back into his father's hands, his face a mask of concentration.

The smoothie helps a lot. Castle just gives up on the wallet thing and shoves all of his change into the tips jar, making the guy working the truck grunt in surprise. He moves away, waving off the man's attempts to call him back, trying to wrap a napkin around the smoothie so Dash's hands won't freeze in the winter air. Dash helps, poorly, but it's better than nothing.

"Ooh, cold," Dash shivers, but he's sucking it down like a champ. "It's good."

"Good. Get some of that fruit in your belly and you'll feel better."

"Mom says I'm her bear cub when I'm hungry."

"Were you hungry?"

"I guess so," Dash shrugs, his lips parting from the straw to give Castle a long look. "Yeah, my tummy has a hard time letting my brain know. It gets a garbled message."

"Sometimes it's that. And sometimes your brain has a hard time hearing your tummy - the message is there but your brain can't read it. Never know which one it is."

"They talk but they don't talk good."

"Mom and Dad used to do that too - remember what I said about how we love each other?"

"Um." Dash squints at his father, gives him a skeptical look.

"I just mean, it's something we all learn, my man. Mom and I learned to talk to each other so that we actually can understand what the other person is saying. And your brain will learn too - what your body is saying, what other people are saying, what the environment around you is saying. It just takes time, and growing up."

"What's my environment saying?" Dash says suddenly, perking up a bit. He likes the new words. "Like, don't put trash in me? Be nice and save the earth?"

"Not like the trees, not that kind of environment," Castle laughs. "That's a good one. No, this kind of environment means the place you're in, the space around you. Where are you right now?"

"The street. No, the sidewalk."

"Okay, so the sidewalk where?"

"In New York?"

"Good. Does it tell you anything? Not just hearing, but the way it looks, the sky, the buildings."

Dashiell glances around at the people as if for the first time, his mouth dropping from the smoothie, his head swiveling to all sides. "Oh, it says so much. It's loud, Dad."

"It is, isn't it? And it's saying stuff to you that it doesn't say to me."

"It is?"

"Yeah, that's why we have Julie come help you. She's a therapist for your issues, to help you figure out what things you should listen to and what things you don't have to hear."

"Oh." Dashiell goes back to sucking on his straw, his elbow digging into Castle's chest, but there might be a glimmer of deeper understanding there. He and Kate have talked about this for a long time now, the best way to explain to Dash why he is like he is, why he needs help that other kids don't, why some things are easier for Ellery than they are for him.

They agreed to wait until it came up naturally. Castle just always expected it would be with Kate. Not him. Their conversations usually have to do with funny words and bodily functions and video games. Kate's the one who gets the introspective boy at six in the morning.

"Hey, Dash?"

"Yeah?"

"I know it's hard sometimes, to be hungry and not even know that's why you don't feel good. Or to walk down the street and hear all the things that I don't hear, and how loud it's got to be for you. It's not easy, and most people never have to worry about how loud it is out here, or how stuff in your brain gets garbled."

"Ellie doesn't."

"That's right. I don't either. Sometimes Mom does, but not like you."

"Mom says sometimes she likes those hugs like I do."

"She does. You know, my man, you're a good kid, even though you have a lot of excuses not to be. But you always try, you keep loving, and you're a good brother to Ella."

Dash puffs out his chest and gets that set to his jaw that means he's filled up with himself. Castle's hands are full, but he wishes he could hug the kid hard for it. Instead, he just keeps talking, using the words he has because they are always his best way of loving his family.

"I'm proud of you, Dashiell. I'm proud you're my son."


	78. Chapter 78

Beckett is in the conference room with Karpowski, going over the details of the mercenary team, man by man. They've identified every member, but the two in the hospital aren't talking; name, rank, serial number. The money trail traces back to that bank that Coonan also used, and they're betting heavily that it's a military clearing house for off-the-books ops.

"I'm getting shut down," Karpowski complains. "And I got a phone call at home yesterday from the Department of Defense."

"Are you kidding me?" Beckett groans. Jordan called to let her know that the Chargers aren't from the government motor pool, but they are rumors of the FBI having a few, doing jobs like this.

Kate rubs at her forehead and glances out into the bullpen. Esposito is on the phone, looking animated, but it's probably Lanie; he keeps shooting Beckett these looks - both furtive and pleased with himself, like he has a secret.

Whatever.

"So, DoD tells me I gotta drop my line of inquiry," Karpowski continues. "I'm like, what the hell, man?"

"What did you do?" Beckett asks, bracing herself.

"I dropped it."

Of course she did. Kate sighs and leans her fists against the conference room table. It's all dead ends, no matter where they turn. And frankly, the merc team isn't her top concern. If they could get behind the stone wall of that bank, find out who put the money there in the first place, then they might get somewhere. But they learned once before that it's hopeless when it comes to that bank.

"All right, Karpowski, thanks for this. Just stay on top of the two guys in ICU. When they get down-graded to a Post-Op floor, you let me know. Visit them a few times - maybe the good drugs will make them chatty."

"Doubt it," the detective grunts.

"Do it anyway," Beckett says, and turns to head out of the conference room. "Label all this stuff, enter it into the database, will you?" It's a terrible idea to have Karpowski doing much of the vital detective work, and it may be an even worse one to have her doing data entry (they may need that information later), but it's busy work that she can't afford to lose anyone on her team for. Karpowski is what she gets.

"Yeah, boss," Karpowski answers, but her face is sour.

Too bad. This is the job.

Beckett strides into the bullpen just as she hears the elevator doors open up; Esposito is standing in the hall outside the cage, looking nervous, his eyes scanning the room like he's ready for danger.

"Espo. What're you doing?" she mutters, frowning at him, and at that moment feels the little body collide into the back of her legs, nearly bringing her down.

"Momma!"

Espo keeps her upright with a quick hand at her elbow, and Kate twists to see her son peering at her, cheeky look on his face, hair a mess and curling over his ears, his neck. He needs a haircut. "Baby, what-?"

And then she sees Castle coming into her line of sight, lifts her eyes to his _oops, sorry? _expression. But he's holding coffees for her team in his hands and all is most definitely forgiven.

She reaches for the caffeine first, eager fingers, tripping over her son as he holds onto her. "Dashiell, you brought me coffee?"

"For everybody!" he says, letting go of her.

Kate knocks back a healthy gulp of the stuff, putting a hand down to her son to hold him there. Castle is already distributing the rest of the drinks to Espo and Ryan, leaving one for himself. She crouches down, licking her bottom lip to get the drop that's trying to escape, and Dashiell grins.

"Thanks, sweetheart," she murmurs and gives him a tight squeeze. He wriggles against her, pleased with himself, and Kate realizes that this is what Esposito was on the phone about. "Coffee drive-by, huh, my man? Best surprise. You just made my day."

"Dad said you were really busy," Dash says, that half-question in his voice.

She chuckles and lets him go. "Never too busy for coffee. Oh, and I guess never too busy for you. I suppose."

He grins even wider, so proud of himself, and she gets back to her feet, ruffling his hair.

"Can I sit at your desk?"

She thinks quickly - yes, her bottom drawer with her extra piece is locked - and then nods at him, pushes his shoulder to get him going. Dash walks quickly for her chair, not running - good boy - then hops up in it and starts spinning around.

"Hey," Castle murmurs, coming up at her back. She half turns to him and presses a quick kiss to his mouth in thanks, takes another sip of her coffee.

"Needed this," she says, taking another greedily.

"Slow down there," he laughs. "What's up? Looks busy in here."

Kate glances over at their son to make sure he's not within hearing range, then she turns to Castle and leans against the wall. "You still got an eye on him?"

He nods then winces. "Smacked his head against the desk. Ouch. Huh, seems okay. Oh, wait, is your gun-"

"Drawer's locked. Got the keys on me."

"Ah, good." His eyes come back to hers briefly. "Go ahead. Fill me in."

"Money traces back to the bank Coonan used-"

"Military connections-"

"Think so. We won't get any further with them. Forensics from Montgomery's place just came through - some prints matching Lockwood's. We'll book him on that, as well as the murder of Sokolov. Prison footage is dead clear on that. The evidence from the Raglan shooting is coming together too."

"When's his arraignment?" Castle asks. Arraignments mean her day is just that much longer, so she knows he's trying to plan ahead for whenever that might be; he'll have to take care of the kids all week, do baths and preschool drop off and all of that alone.

"Actually," she hedges, frowning as she crosses her arms. "They've pushed it up, and I can't get anyone at the DA's office to tell me why."

"Pushed it up to when? Next month?"

"Tomorrow," she says, shaking her head at him when his jaw drops. "I know. It's crazy. We can't make our case in 24 hours."

"Jeez. You're gonna be here all night, aren't you?"

She winces again. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't-"

"No, I know. What in the world are they thinking?" His face blanks, and he glances at her quickly, an idea swirling in the blue of his eyes. "No DA in his right mind would put a hired killer up for arraignment with only twenty-four hours to make the case solid."

"Someone's pulling strings," she answers slowly, grim horror washing over her. "Arranging it for tomorrow so that we can't make our case."

"Shit," Castle growls. "That is so damn unfair. I _hate _this case."

"You and me both," she sighs, closing her eyes briefly. And yet, it helps that he's here, that he shares it with her.

"I'm going to that arraignment tomorrow," she says grimly. "I don't care how crap I feel-"

"I'll be there with you. I'm going too."

She opens her eyes to look at him, smiles slowly at the fierce protection on his face - for her, but for the boys as well.

He grins back. "Hey, it'll be just you guys up here tonight, right?"

"Yeah," she answers, glancing over her shoulder at the boys, then over to her son.

"Karpowski?"

"Jeez, no," Kate groans. "She'll screw it up."

"Okay, so you and Ryan and Espo-"

"Well, probably Velasquez too. She's done a lot of work. And Hastings, if I can get her to put in some overtime. She's been flighty lately. I don't know why - it worries me, because she's really talented. I see myself-"

"She's dating the reporter, right?"

"Is she?" Kate asks, startled. She's not good at keeping up with that stuff.

"Yeah, think so. Maybe that's why she keeps flaking out on you."

"Maybe," she says, frowning. "Anyway, there'll be at least five of us. So it's not so bad. You don't need to worry about it."

"Actually, I was thinking I'd call Rafe and get him to make extra. And then when they bring Ellery home, we'll just meet them here instead. All of us have dinner together."

Kate hesitates, chewing on her bottom lip as she watches her son spin in her chair. "I don't think-"

Castle's already cupping his warm fingers at her elbow, crowding closer to her. "Come on, Kate. You have to stop for dinner. And if you guys are crunched for time, I'll stay and send the kids home with Alexis."

"It's not fair to do that to her-"

"She won't mind."

She won't mind, that's true. But Kate minds. Still, it's tempting to give in - she'll work harder knowing that her family is coming at seven or eight, and she can imagine the surprise it'd be to the team - motivating for them too.

"Okay. All right. That would be. . .nice, Castle."

He grins at her, knows what it took for her to agree to that. His fingers brush the back of her arm and then curl at her shoulder, possessive in a way that only makes her lean in towards him, eager for that touch.

No, she's wrong. It's not possessive; he just touches because he likes the feel of her skin, likes the contact, likes to know where her body is, likes to make her respond to him. They don't own each other; they just inhabit a close space, intimate, and sometimes it helps to know where the other one is, even if she's standing right in front of him.

"Thanks, Rick," she murmurs.

"You do the same for me," he says softly. "Now go do your thing with Dash. If you don't, he's likely to get into something dangerous, locked drawer or not."

She grins at him, casts a quick look to Gates's office, then pats Castle's chest. "He's his father's son."

"Hey now."

She lifts an eyebrow and he caves.

"Yeah, it's true," he says, but he's grinning like a fool, totally proud of it.


	79. Chapter 79

The moment Kate steps away from Castle, Ryan's tugging him towards the break room so fast he trips over his feet going backwards.

"Whoa, whoa. I know you like me, but not in the precinct-"

"Can it," Ryan says, flicking the door shut. "Listen."

Castle peers through the blinds at his son, but Kate's already there, catching the chair as Dash spins around, her face soft as she says something to him, something warm and lovely, no doubt in Croatian-

"Castle."

He jerks back to Ryan, sees the strain on the guy's face. "Hey. Uh. What's up?"

"Beckett tell you?"

"About the arraignment tomorrow? Yeah. And on a Saturday. Don't you think it's weird?"

"Not just that. But yeah - yeah, something not right about it."

"Not just that? What else?"

Ryan slides his eyes to the window looking out over the bullpen, but Esposito is fist-bumping with Dashiell, not noticing that the two of them are in here, clandestine meeting and spy catcher and all that. Kinda cool. He doesn't think he and Ryan have ever gotten to do cool stuff apart from the two level-headed party-poopers out there.

"Javi doesn't think so, but. . .Beckett is. . ."

"Off. I know." Castle crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm watching it. I told her-"

"No, I mean. Wait. You think she's _off_? Like-"

"No, not - not off her game, just - she's trying so hard not to get sucked into it and I think it makes her. . .Wait, what are _you_ talking about?"

"She won't tell Gates what's going on. Gates knows, man. She already knows there's something. We've got too much going on with this case - these cases - too much we're keeping back, off the record, but it's got to stop."

Castle scrapes his hand down his face, stares past Ryan towards his wife sitting at the edge of her desk, teasing their son.

Ryan starts in again. "Look, I know that Montgomery - and I'd be the last one to hang him out to dry. But he left this in our laps and now he's. . .what? In witness protection? Is that what we're going with here? Gates was in Internal Affairs; she knows how to keep an investigation like this under wraps without hurting people needlessly-"

"I think, you ask Beckett about that, she'd say differently," Castle says finally. "IAB? Yeah, they're kinda known for hurting people needlessly."

"You get that out of a book?" Ryan shoots back. "Or you got personal experience?"

Castle shuts his mouth, then shakes his head. "Actually. Esposito's old partner? What happened to him-"

"One out of hundreds. Which means Javier is biased when it comes to people from Internal Affairs. Castle." Ryan gives him a long, measuring look. "We have to let Gates in on this. We're at the point where it's not just unethical, we're bordering on criminal."

"What do you mean? What are you - you mean Sokolov?"

"That's just unethical," Ryan says softly. "You could make a case for it - she didn't know he would wind up murdered, but Espo let her - I just - I would've said something."

"I would've too," Castle admits reluctantly. "She told me that Gates knew though."

"She did. She didn't like it, but she let it go because it was already done."

"But this with Montgomery."

"We're keeping things out of the official report; we're hiding evidence. We're in over our heads - this sniper, this decades old conspiracy. . .We've got to let her know."

Castle casts dark eyes through the window, watches his wife leaning over to whisper in Dashiell's ear, something that makes the kid's whole face light up. Dash is such a momma's boy, needs her, and Ella, jeez, even Alexis, and Rafe has fallen under her spell, and Castle himself. . .

"Yeah."

Ryan sighs heavily. "Yeah."

"I'll talk to her."

* * *

He can't talk in front of Dash, and he thinks Ryan and Esposito both should be there when he does - just so she doesn't feel ganged up on, so he cons Officer Hastings into taking Dashiell downstairs to the sparring room.

"Castle!" Kate grabs Dash by the shoulder, halting him.

Castle nudges Dash to go with Hastings. "He wants to learn some karate moves. Let him watch."

"But that's-"

"It's an empty elevator ride with an officer of the law, no stops-"

"He'll be fine with me, ma'am. I promise." Hastings looks a little over-eager when she says it and Castle eyes her holstered weapon, suddenly re-thinking this.

Dashiell is bouncing on his toes, the hood of his t-rex jacket flopping around on his back. "Please? Oh please, Momma? Please? It'd be so so so so cool."

Kate is shooting daggers at Castle - this is at least five more coffee drive-bys and maybe even hard and fast against the bedroom door to make it up to her - if he's lucky. (It could also be, _Your son is awake and it's finally your turn._)

But she relents and lets Hastings take Dashiell down to the elevator; Castle takes a couple steps after them, snags Hastings by the sleeve.

"Just - keep a hand on him. Dash? Buddy, hold hands."

Dashiell wrinkles his nose, but Rick lifts an eyebrow and that does the trick. Dash lifts a hand back to Officer Hastings with a deep sigh, as if to say _Let's get this over with._

"Okay, Rick. What's going on?" Kate says, hands on her hips.

He looks to Ryan and the man turns and goes looking for Esposito. "Conference room," he says over his shoulder.

Kate won't budge when Castle moves, so he draws his arm through hers and forcibly turns her, bumping her hip until she huffs at him. "Castle. What is this about?"

"Dash will be fine down there. He'll have the whole place charmed in five minutes."

"I have no doubt. And that's what worries me."

"Come on. It's meeting time." He catches Ryan's head nod as the man brings a scowling Esposito back from wherever he went - bathroom? - and so Castle pushes Kate towards the conference room.

He sees Espo and Beckett narrow their eyes at each other, and some kind of understanding flashes there because they both turn as one, glaring now at him and Ryan.

"Let's have it," Espo growls, jerking towards Castle with that pec-flex like he's all that.

He is. He is all that.

Castle shifts closer to Kate and she puts a finger out and stops him, digging into his sternum. "You two better have a good reason I just sent my wild man downstairs to the sparring room with Officer Flaky Hastings."

"Ouch, way harsh, Beckett," Castle mutters, snatching her finger and rubbing at the hole she's dug into his chest. "It's a good reason. It's about Gates."

Her eyes narrow, but he sees the indecision swamp them, the tight twist of her mouth.

Esposito doesn't. "No. Not-uh. We already agreed. This stays inside the family."

Ryan steps up, shouldering his share of the burden of this confrontation. "Just hear us out."

"Castle?" she says quietly. He jerks his eyes back to her and takes the hand she's reaching out to him, squeezes back just as tightly as she does.

"We have to tell Gates," he says softly, hating to do it, knowing he must. "We can't keep hiding things, not with the arraignment tomorrow. You're gonna have to let her know. If only to keep your own names clear."

Esposito flares up but Ryan is already drawing him aside with urgent rationalizations, and Castle realizes divide and conquer is the best way to go about this.

He tugs Kate closer, watches her jaw work, gives her a moment to marshal a defense. Only fair.

"Beckett. Whoever this is - whoever is behind all this - he's got military resources. He's managed to get an assassin who is already behind bars enough of a heads-up to murder another inmate, not to mention-"

"I know. I see that. Don't you think I already feel responsible?"

He places his hands at her upper arms, grips her a little too tight, just enough. He sees her catch her breath, calm down again. "Gates knows you pushed Sokolov into action, and that action resulted in his death. We have Lockwood on tape killing Sokolov. Why? Why that sloppy? There has to be a reason for it. If we keep burying the truth about Montgomery - a truth that Captain Gates, former Internal Affairs, probably already suspects-?"

"You think she does?" Kate breathes out, her startled eyes finding his. "You're right. She does. That's why - all of this. Why she went with me to talk to Mary. Why she knew. . .IAB has probably run investigations into this before. Maybe even gotten shut down by the man who had my mother killed - what if Gates. . ."

He nods; he can see it too. "What if Gates is already on our side."

She shivers. "What if she's not?"

Castle stares at her, stomach dropping. "Oh." What if she's on _His_ side.

Esposito breaks from Ryan with a snarl, coming over to Castle and Beckett. "We are not doing this to Captain Montgomery. He served too long, with too many honors - too many arrests-"

Kate shakes her head at him. "Espo. They're right. Montgomery - he kept this a secret and look what happened. If we keep his secret too-"

"Detectives," a voice snaps through the room. "I worked Internal Affairs. I know how to keep a secret. But turns out. You don't."

Oh shit.

Captain Gates is standing in the doorway.

"In my office, detectives. And especially you, Mr. Castle."


	80. Chapter 80

Beckett is the one who takes point, leading them all into Gates's office with Castle at her back; she gives him a warning look to quell whatever riotous comment might have been in the making, and he shuts his mouth. Gates holds the door open and then slams it after them, gesturing sharply for them to huddle like truant school children in front of the principal.

Gates sits in her chair, crosses her legs neatly, and folds her hands on her desk, lips pursed and her eyes nearly closed as she looks down on them, even from her lowered height. It shouldn't be possible, but Beckett feels the woman's disdain as clearly as if she were standing toe to toe with her.

"Talk." Gates lifts one slim, well-ordered eyebrow and Beckett sinks down into the chair in front of her captain's desk. Her new captain.

She glances back at Castle, confirmation or confidence one, and Gates makes an impatient noise in her throat.

But Castle comes to sit with her, flanking her in front of the desk, and Beckett feels a measure of relief at having him there. Bolstered.

Because he's right - he and Ryan - this has to stop.

"Sir," she begins and has to spread her palms out flat on top of her knees, surreptitiously dry the sweat. She's really doing this. She has to do this. No more secrets.

She feels Esposito come up behind her, his hands on the back of her chair, and more than anything, his show of support lets her know that whatever she says here, however she puts it, he's got her back. He will follow her anywhere.

Even to death.

And that's what she has to remember.

"Sir. Captain Montgomery was involved in a kidnapping scheme early in his career. They nabbed mobsters and held them for ransom. But one night, their plan backfired - they killed an undercover federal agent, pinned it on a mafia hitman, and ever since then, they've been blackmailed by a third party. A man we have yet to identify, except by the name _Dragon_. A man responsible for my mother's murder."

* * *

Kate Beckett is amazing. She is seriously the strongest woman Castle has ever known. That her strength is composed of both heartache and joy, tragedy and beauty fused together makes it even more impressive. Those joints are seamless, never cracking; she uses every aspect of her life to make herself stronger. She never falters when it comes to the things that are worth the fight - their family, truth, compassion, justice, love. . .

Peace.

She fights for peace. Not just that abstract global goal which always seems impossible, but the right to come home each day a little safer, a little more at rest, and to the people she loves, knowing their lives are possible because of what she does.

She creates a way through; she makes straight paths.

To watch her, listen to her expose it all - every sordid and dirty deed, the details of decades of conspiracy and cover-up, reminds Castle of how much she's overcome to be here, to do this, to simply love in the midst of the maelstrom. And she loves _him_.

It's a gift he never deserved, but which he somehow saw early on, sensed and wanted, longed for. What she does for the world, for him, for victims, for herself. He wanted it, needed it. And he fought for it.

Now they fight for it together.

When she pauses to gather a breath, strength in the face Gates's ever colder, sterner face, Castle reaches out across their chairs and closes his hand over hers, gripping her fingers, rubbing his thumb over her skin.

She doesn't look at him but her spine straightens and she goes on.

* * *

Kate doesn't know how he always knows, but she needed that.

She feels the heavy warmth of his hand over hers and it anchors her, holds her fast.

Sometimes, she goes adrift; sometimes, far afield. But then there he is. He's been there so long now that she can't see a way without him, can't untangle the trajectory of her life from his - the books, and then the man himself.

He gives her words.

"When we next encountered this. . .conspiracy, sir," she continues. "It was Captain Montgomery himself who exposed it. At his retirement, he gave a full accounting of his actions, and the actions of Raglan and McCallister, as well as informing Castle of the existence of a fourth individual who would hold all the evidence, all the blackmail material, in his possession. We were given a method of communication, but haven't heard anything back so far. The idea - to Montgomery - was that this information - this file - would keep us all safe."

She winds down, presses her lips together to still the rapid flutter of her pulse and to stem the tide of her instinctive need to unburden. It can't be unburdened; she picked up this cross the moment that detective told her the news of her mother's death. It was hers to bear.

A squeeze of Castle's hand has her glancing in his direction, a reminder that she doesn't carry it alone.

Gates is staring frostily at the four of them; when she does speak, her voice is clipped, and entirely not what Kate was expecting.

"You will make a full report, in writing, of your actions this past week as it relates to this information. Do not submit it through channels, do not put it into the computer. My eyes only, Detective Beckett." She drills Kate with a hard stare, then switches to Esposito behind her. "Esposito, Ryan. Your investigation into the Raglan shooting now becomes moot; focus your attention on the bank, on that mercenary team Lockwood hired, and on the orders at the prison. We know the why and how Raglan was murdered, what we need to know is who is behind it; peel back the layers. This arraignment feels like a farce, so start there."

Kate takes a startled breath in, flips her hand under Castle's and laces their fingers together when Gates's gaze narrows on him. To his credit, Kate doesn't even see a flicker of weakness, not a moment's hesitation.

"Mr. Castle."

"Captain."

Oh jeez, Rick, cool it.

Another lifted eyebrow, the pursed lips, and Gates minutely studies Kate's husband as if looking for the soft underbelly.

Won't find it. Not on Castle. Not while Kate's right here.

They are rock solid together.

"Mr. Castle, I need you to write down your conversation with our former Captain. Word for word, as much as possible. Do not email it to anyone, don't save it on a computer somewhere. Simply print it off and give it to me. Every word, Mr. Castle. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

Kate lets out a small breath, feels those eyes back on her. She turns to meet their unrelenting gaze.

"Detective Beckett. If you or anyone on your team ever decides to pursue an investigation without my knowledge, to pursue _this_ investigation without my say-so, you and your team will be on suspension. Every last man." She points through the window to the bullpen. "That means Officer Hastings, who you've roped into baby-sitting this afternoon. Detective Karpowski, who doesn't even know what she's being asked to do. Velasquez, who's in line for detective if she keeps up the good work. . .You go off the reservation alone, or even with your plucky sidekick here, and they all go down with you. Every. Last. Man."

Kate swallows hard, gives a short nod.

"This is how we'll run this. I'll hold all the information, physically. We do nothing where anyone else can see it. No computer entries on any of the three officers involved in the kidnapping scheme - their names stay out of it, since they are likely triggers. Your mother's investigation caused a backlash that caught her as well; that will not happen here."

Castle squeezes her hand, hard, and Kate remembers to take a breath.

"I run point," Gates continues. "This is my case. You defer to me. New evidence comes in, you bring it to me. That other unknown man - your so-called protector - if he contacts you, then I am the first one to know about it."

The Captain stops, eases back into her chair, her hands loose now, her eyes satisfied. Beckett feels her body relaxing in response, curses herself for being so keyed up, even now, so responsive to this woman's hold over them.

"Detectives, I know it rankles to have me stepping all over your toes. But the only way to get you the resources you need, the only way to keep this within the realm of justice and not just personal vengeance, Beckett, is to have me on your side. More than that, it is quite clear to all of us that this case has a rapidly escalating body count. The cost of investigating this Dragon character is high. No one else in this room will pay it. Do you hear me? I will not lose any of you to personal vendettas and risky maneuvers."

Kate feels her fingers cramping in Castle's, so tightly is she holding on.

Gates levels her gaze full on Beckett, a soul-deep stare that makes Kate freeze.

"I know how these things go. I've seen my share of conspiracies and their cover-ups while working for Internal Affairs. You are very lucky Lockwood didn't go ahead and kill your husband when he shot Raglan. You are more than lucky he didn't exterminate your team when he had the chance. Two missed opportunities to shut you down means that he comes for you next."

She's not sure which one of them makes the sound - herself or Castle - but everyone in the room hears the desperation in it.

Kate swallows it back, clutching his hand ever harder, and sees Gates's eyes momentarily flicker down to their hold.

"I know no one wants that," Gates says softly. "Which is why you'll do it my way."


	81. Chapter 81

"I don't like this," she hisses at him, palming the side of Dashiell's head and pushing the kid's other ear into her thigh. "Gates has all the evidence now? Not-uh."

"What are you saying?" Castle hisses back, stepping in closer and catching her elbow with his fingers.

"It's fishy. This is not a good idea. It's like she's asking us to keep two sets of books, Castle. Maybe Montgomery's made me paranoid, but there is _no way_ I'm giving Gates all our evidence. She wants hard copies of what we've done so far, sure, fine. Whatever. But - Rick - you're the novelist - what does it sound like? She wants _all_ our evidence."

"You think it'll disappear?" he groans.

"I think it's stupid to put all our eggs in one basket."

Castle gives her a disbelieving look and stoops over to grab Dash from her; they really can't talk about it right now, but she needs him to know. He can't possibly think it's a good idea to leave all their evidence with a former lieutenant at IAB, a woman they don't even know.

She puts her hand on Dashiell's back as Castle maneuvers him to his other hip. "Castle, I can't - when you said to bring her in on this - I know you were right. You are right. But there's no way I can release this over to her. No way. This is my case."

"Kate-"

"Dad, can we-"

"Hold on a minute, buddy," Castle says, heading for the conference room with Dash, letting the kid slide down to the floor. Kate follows behind him, bites her lip as he nudges Dashiell inside. "Let's get you some hot chocolate, okay?" He turns back to her, eyebrows lifted. "Kate."

"Yeah, I'm. . ." She shakes her head and pushes past him. "I'll make it for you, my man."

"No marshmallows, Momma."

"I remember," she murmurs.

When Castle has settled Dashiell at the table, pushing a sports magazine his way, he comes right back to her at the decrepit coffee maker. She's filling the carafe with water, just gonna run it through, when Castle takes over the job.

She releases it to him, rubs at her forehead. "Castle. I just don't feel comfortable leaving everything we have with a woman I don't even know. Her loyalties, her past, her-"

"Kate. It's not under your control anymore. I hear what you're saying, but remember what we just agreed on? No more secrets. It didn't work for Montgomery; it won't work here."

"No, I know-"

"And what are you even proposing we do?"

"What if we took the evidence home with us? Put it in the safe. You said Montgomery kept that file with him - we need to start our own file now. We can't depend on this invisible man with the dead drop; we need to be aggressive on this."

"Kate-" His head starts to shake _no_ at her, but she can convince him. She can.

"Listen, just - listen. If Gates is gotten to, or if she's part of this - or say she's just incompetent at her job - then this whole case is ruined before it even gets started. I have been waiting more than fifteen years for this, Castle. I'm not letting it out of my hands for someone else to screw up. Not now."

"Kate, I think-"

"Whoa, Momma! Look!"

Kate turns and sees the magazine Dashiell is holding up, joy clearing his face like light. Her hands are shaking; she pushes hair out of her eyes and focuses on her son. "What's that, baby?"

"There's all these words about Jay! Aunt Maddie's friend!"

"About Russell Martin? Cool. Think you can read it?"

"Not too good."

"When Dad and I finish your hot chocolate, we'll go through it with you. Start looking for words you know."

He drops the magazine back to the table and starts pouring over the article. She can see the fall of his dark lashes against his cheeks and she has to harden her heart against it, remember where she is, what she's doing. What has to happen next.

"Kate."

She sets her face and turns back to Castle, meets his eyes, grabbing the canister of powdered hot chocolate.

But he takes it from her, his jaw in a grim line. "Kate, I'm calling it. Right here."

Her hands go still. "What?"

"I'm calling it. Game over."

"No-"

"Montgomery bowed out, Kate. It got too hot for him and he _left._" Castle grips her harder. "It's WitSec, you know it is. And obviously he's given the Feds something. Something against this guy."

"We don't know that. What if-"

"Kate. Castle. You listen to me. This is it. The FBI works it from their end and Gates is in charge on ours - we turn everything over to her, just like she said. She has experience investigating police corruption; this is hers now. And _you_ are going to stop."

It rips right through her, her chest tightening. "Castle. No. Don't do this to me now-"

"You seriously just suggested that we take evidence home with us? Kate, the moment we do that, it's no longer a case we can win in the courts. Chain of evidence is broken and this guys _walks._ And you know that. Without the hope of real justice, this becomes no more than a vendetta."

She growls and twists away from him, reaching for the carafe of hot water that's poured out of the old coffee maker, but Castle catches her by the elbow, yanks her back, his eyes cold as ice.

"And if that doesn't do it," he tugs her in against him, his mouth at her ear and his voice deceptively soft. She can see Dash over his shoulder, wriggling in his seat as he reads about the Yankees catcher. "You take a long look at your son and tell me again that you really want to bring this into our home, where our children sleep-"

"_No_," she cracks, burying her forehead into his neck and gripping him by the shirt. "No. I didn't mean - no. Castle, God-"

"Okay. Then this is how it goes, Kate. Gates is lead on this, just like she said. You want to make copies of everything, fine with me. We'll start a file of our own - just to have, sure. We'll get a safety deposit box at a bank. But Gates is in control - it's her case now."

She swallows back the bile rising in her throat and sucks in a long breath, forcing herself to get it together.

She was a finger's grip away from falling right off the edge of this, but here he is, gripping her tightly and pulling her back up. It is a long, deadly way down.

"Momma. Can we read now?"

She clears her throat and lifts her head, grateful when her voice comes out clear, confident, completely unlike the jagged edges of her heart.

"Yeah. We can read now, my man. Dad will finish up your hot chocolate."

And she leaves the hard embrace of her husband to sit beside her son, his wriggling, warm body canting into hers, his elbow catching her in the ribs, his knee digging into her thigh in his excitement. She gathers him up and moves them both to the couch because she wants him close, however close he'll get.

Okay.

She's okay.

She can do this.

* * *

Castle's hands are shaking as he stirs the hot chocolate mix into the hot water; he might throw up.

He's never been _forced_ to hurt her before. They've fought - they've gone to bed angry and yelled at each other across the kitchen and growled at each other in the bathroom. He's opened his fat mouth and hurt her feelings or instigated a war; he's tossed off stupid things that have come back to bite him.

But he has never specifically set out to emotionally blackmail her, never waved their family in her front of her face to make her back down, never used his intimate knowledge of his wife to purposefully crush her spirit.

Until today.

But he's never seen her this intense, this unreachable, this _wrong._

They are not bringing this home. Gates was right: Castle is lucky he's alive after the Raglan shooting, and Kate and the boys keep running up against this thing and they'll get mowed down just as easily.

He doesn't know if Gates can be trusted, and Kate's right that they can make copies of stuff, but this is the end of the line. Lockwood goes to arraignment tomorrow - judge is coming in on a Saturday - and then what have they got? A dead team of mercenaries, a professional killer who won't crack, a dead-end bank they've seen before, and some ballistics.

This random friend of Montgomery's, the file - it's an illusion. It doesn't hold any real promise, any help or security. It's only more of the same - cover-ups and conspiracies, more lies piled on top of an already overwhelming amount of lies.

It killed her mother, this machine. It took out her mother without hesitation or remorse and it kept right on going. McCallister, Raglan, Montgomery were just small cogs in the works, which means Lockwood and his mercenaries are as well. They really have nothing - no leads - and what they do have. . .

Insignificant. Small fish, as Kate would say.

Kate. He had to. He had to do it.

But he can't yet managed to man up and turn around and face her.

He feels like shit, and he hurt her on purpose, but he didn't see any other way to make her listen-

"Rick."

He turns, hot water sloshing over the mug and stinging his hand. Kate is curled up with Dash on the sofa, and even though her eyes are littered with the broken pieces, he realizes she's waiting on him to help put her back together.

She wants him.

"Come here. Read with us. I've only got a few more minutes before I need to get back to work." And in that, everything he needs to hear._  
_

Castle glances down at the mug, breathing through the rush of gratitude that chokes him, and quickly adds a little more cold water to the mix. He shuffles forward carefully, bringing it to his son at the couch and sitting down next to Kate.

"Careful, buddy," he murmurs as he hands it over. "It's still a little hot."

"I'm careful," Dash says back, even as Kate wraps her fingers over Dashiell's around the mug and helps guide it to his mouth.

Her other hand comes to Castle's thigh, squeezing even as Dash drinks deeply of his hot chocolate, and she curls her fingers behind Rick's knee like she's holding on.

Dash lowers the mug and gives his father a huge, chocolate-stained grin. "It's good, Dad. You got it just right."

Kate squeezes his knee and he finally looks at her, waiting for it. She gives him a battered-looking smile.

"Hear that? You got it just right."


	82. Chapter 82

Kate hands the file over to Captain Gates with only the slightest flutter of her ragged heart. Castle took Dashiell home only a few minutes ago, but the broken feeling remains, tender to the touch.

"Detective, where are we on the arraignment?" Gates asks, flipping open the file that contains Castle's recreation of his conversation with Montgomery. Kate clenches her hands into fists as Gates starts to scan the document.

"Doing - good. We'll get there. The DA is coming over in an hour to help set up the presentation of evidence."

"Good. I'm staying on as well. I heard there'd be food." Gates is trying smooth things over, giving her a tight-lipped smile, but Kate only nods.

"Yes, sir."

"All right, Detective. I'll finish up this report and join you all when the DA arrives."

"Yes sir."

Kate turns woodenly out of her captain's office and heads for the conference room. It still feels so very wrong to let someone else be in charge of her mother's case, but her hands are tied. She can't involve her family, can't bring it home, and they are searching blind on so many fronts.

She's in over her head.

Kate stops at the conference table, glances at Ryan and Esposito sitting at opposite sides, going through video footage and phone records and evidence selection for the arraignment. Her throat constricts just looking at them; Lockwood's team of mercenaries held them hostage - they have families, they have sons. They don't deserve to be dragged into this mess either.

"Boys, let's get this knocked out," she says grimly.

Esposito lifts his eyes to her with a quick nod of his head.

"Anyone seen Hastings?" she grumbles, twisting around as she checks the bullpen.

Gone again.

* * *

When Rick calls him to say _I may have underestimated the count_, it's like music to his ears.

Rafe grins at his girlfriend and raises his hand for a high five. Allie gives him a shake of her head, but Ellery giggles and slaps his palm. Rafe leans over the grocery cart and kisses her cheek for it.

Allie sighs. "Why are you celebrating? My dad volunteered you for this and now he just-"

"I know!" Rafe crows. "Isn't it awesome? This is like the best challenge ever. Take down a ruthless assassin, no. Cook for an entire homicide squad chasing down said assassin? Heck, yes. Sign me up, baby."

"Not a baby," Ellery says, narrowing her eyes.

Allie laughs at them, pushes the grocery cart - and Ellery in it - away from him and down the aisle. "At least it's just lasagna. Super easy to make more."

"I know, and this is only our second run to the store. I'm pretty proud of that too."

"You should be," she murmurs, an eyebrow raised, and he knows she's teasing him, but he is proud. He's got this down. This is where he excels. This is the way he helps, how he fixes things, how he organizes his life and solves problems and gets things done.

"Okay, let's divide and conquer," he says, handing her half of the list. "Meet you out front in say twenty?"

Allie glances past him at the line forming at the checkout lane. "Make it thirty and you have a deal."

"No!" Ellery calls out, lifting her hands for Rafe. "I wanna go with Rafe."

He leans past Allie and scoops Ellery out of the basket. "Come on then, cricket. You can be my sous chef."

"Stew? I not like stew."

"Sous. It means you're second in command."

"Ohhh. . .I like stew then!"

* * *

Ellery struggles out of the grocery story with the cloth shopping bag draped over her shoulder, arm lifted to keep it up. Rafe follows closely, a hand kept just out of sight behind her just in case she trips.

Allie is standing on the edge of the curb next to a double-parked delivery truck, people flowing between her and them down the sidewalk. Ellery just wades right in to get to her sister, knocking into people with her bag of groceries. Rafe and Allie's eyes meet in amusement and Rafe lets out a dry chuckle under his breath.

Ella's pretty determined to help.

Allie hoists her own bag of groceries onto her shoulder and reaches out for Ella's hand. The girl must feel like she can't keep a good grip on things, because she wobbles for a moment and then takes her sister's helping hand.

"Ellery, you want Rafe to-"

"I got it," Ella says, knitting her eyebrows together, staring fiercely up at Allie.

"Okay. But let us know when you need help," Rafe murmurs, knowing even then that Ellery won't admit to it. He'll have to take it from her after they go a couple blocks, or else she'll try to carry the thing until she collapses.

"We make lasagna?" Ella asks suddenly, setting off crookedly down the sidewalk with them. With her arm raised to take Allie's hand, it at least keeps the bag on her shoulder.

"We're making lasagna. But it's special lasagna."

"Why it special?"

"Because it's my mom's recipe. Means it's got all kinds of weird stuff in it."

"Will I like it?" Ellery says, wrinkling her nose. "Will Dashy like it? Him not like all kinds of things."

"I'm gonna make Dash his own little dish. With some spicy elements. And one for you as well - no spices, no strange things."

Allie gives him a swift look. "Rafe. No, baby, you don't-"

"It'll be easy," he waves her off. "Promise. Let me do this. I'm excited about it."

Allie laughs at him, shaking her head, but she's got a smile on her face. "All right. I give up."

"Good. This'll be great."

* * *

"Mommy, I'm a stew chef!"

"Sous, Ellery. Sous chef," Kate hears next. Rafe, sounds like.

"You're a sous chef, Ellery Kate?" she murmurs into her cell phone.

"Means like I'm next in charge, Mommy."

"Oh, that's awesome." Kate hums and glances over her shoulder. The elevator doors are opening and of course, the DA is stepping out, flanked by Gates who had to go and actually drag the man out of his office and down to the 12th.

It doesn't bode well for this case.

"Cricket, did you need something? Because I gotta-"

"Ah, Kate?" It's Rafe now, so he must have taken the phone from Ellery. "I know you're busy. I just wanted to touch base about dinner. We're meeting everyone at your work in like an hour. So. . .it's still around 15 people?"

"Oh, jeez, Rafe. I'm so sorry that Rick roped you into this-"

"No, no. I'm thrilled. This is awesome. I just wanted to be sure I didn't need more."

"I'm counting in my head and it looks like around. . .thirteen will be here, so fifteen is a good number."

"I'll bring extra salad and bread."

"Rafe," she moans, rubs at her forehead even as Gates ushers the DA down the hall to the conference room. "You really shouldn't have to-"

"No, no. Come on. Don't ruin my fun. This is a dream come true."

Kate laughs and presses her lips together to keep in the sound. "Okay, well. Thank you. Dinner would be a godsend right about now." She hears the beep in her ear - call waiting - but Esposito is motioning for her to come in. "Hey, Rafe. I gotta let you go. Thank you, again, for this-"

"No problem. We'll see you in a few. Ellery, say good-bye."

She hears the shouted good-bye on the other end and can't help the smile, switches over to her other call. Castle.

"Rick, I really have to-"

"One second."

"What?" she says impatiently.

"Dash wants to say something."

"Is this a reminder?" she grunts. "Because I got it. I-"

"No. Promise. Just Dash."

"Mom!"

"Dash, baby, what is it?"

"They have this thing at the American Museum of National History-"

"Natural," Castle interrupts.

"Natural History," Dash corrects. "I wanna do it!"

"What thing, baby?" she murmurs, drawing closer to the closed conference room door. She's got to be in there right now. The DA is saying something about this case and Gates looks pissed. "Dash. What thing?"

"It's a sleepover inside the museum! It's like from a movie or something. Night at the Museum? And I get to do it _on my birthday."_

"Oh, okay. Um. Did you talk to Dad about it?" Kate says, turning her back on the meeting. "Dash, actually, just give the phone to Dad."

Rustling, Dash saying something she doesn't get, and then, "Kate?"

"Rick, I really don't have time for this. I'm sorry. The DA wouldn't come and Gates had to drag his ass down here. What is this about his birthday?"

"Halloween. Long way off, I know, but he saw a flier for it while we there this afternoon."

"You took him to see the dinosaurs?" she murmurs, suddenly jealous. Ug. She hates this - the equal pull of work and family time; she needs both. "Okay, um. Can this wait until tomorrow? Or tonight? Or even at dinner? Just tell Dash it's a maybe."

"Hey, buddy. Mom says maybe."

She immediately hears a moan from the other end. "That means noooooo..."

"Not a _no."_ She huffs into the phone and rubs her forehead again. "Castle. Tell him-"

"I got this. Didn't mean to make you late. You go."

She feels bad for that too, but she's got to get this arraignment put to bed.

"Bye, Kate. Don't worry. We'll talk at dinner. Dash, no. You can charm her into a yes at dinner."

She sighs but ends the call, turns back around to the conference room door.

She's just pulling it open when she hears the DA murmur something. Gates turns red and sweeps her arm over the conference room table.

"Don't _tell me_ it can't be done. We are doing it. Right now. It will be finished."

Oh jeez. What now?


	83. Chapter 83

When the elevator doors suddenly slide open, it's not Castle and Dash, and it's not Rafe with Allie and Ella.

It's Jenny and the boys.

Oops.

Kate ducks back inside the women's bathroom and calls Rafe, pressing a hand to her forehead. He answers quickly; he's whistling.

Whistling.

"Rafe. I am so sorry to do this to you but-"

"There are more? You need more?"

"Why do you sound so happy?"

"I love this. This is awesome. How many more?"

"Well. Uh. Ryan's family is here, so that's three more people."

"Oh yeah, Allie showed me pictures on her phone. Collin and. . ."

"Ian. Yeah. Jenny brought them and the way they were piling off the elevator, they're staying for dinner."

"Can do."

"No. Really?" Kate lets out a sigh of relief and slumps back against the sink. "Oh, thank you."

"What about the other guy? Tio? He's got a wife and-"

Shit. "Lanie. Oh - I totally forgot, but yeah. She'll probably wind up here too, and she's pregnant, Rafe, so think more. More. Just-"

"I've got it covered. I actually made enough for twenty-five, Kate, so-"

"Are you serious?" She straightens up, drops her hand from her forehead. "Rafe. That's. Oh. That's incredible."

"Yeah. In this business, you learn."

"I love you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. I've got to go - Gates is on the warpath out there and she will not be happy having her precinct overrun."

"No problem. Go. I've got a couple last minute things to do and then Allie and Ellery and I will be on our way."

Kate hangs up, exits the bathroom with a wide smile, and runs flat into Gates.

"Sir. Sorry-"

"Since it's now become a family reunion up here," Gates says, gesturing towards the bullpen behind her. "My husband is on his way. Is there-"

"There's plenty," Kate grins, not even Gates's attitude can dampen her joy. "Plenty. It's fine." The DA has clearly been gotten to by whoever is behind this, the case is spiraling out of Kate's control, and she has had one of the worst days _emotionally_ than she's ever had, but they are all having dinner together.

All of them. Thanks to Rafe.

She strolls away, sees the little boys as they catch sight of her. "Aunt Kaaaaaate!"

Ian comes barreling through the crowd of adults and launches himself at her. His blonde hair curls tightly on top of his head, and he bounces crazily against her knees, hanging on. Kate leans over and pries him off, giving him a squeezing hug as she crouches beside him. "Ian, little buddy, you are hyper."

"Daddy said dinner with everyone!"

"Daddy's right." She grins, glances up just in time to catch Collin as he flies at her, rocking backwards to absorb the impact. "Yo, Coll. What is up, butter cup?"

"Ug, you and Tio. You guys gotta stop that. I'm not a butter cup," Collin growls, wrinkling his nose. A dusting of freckles covers his cheeks, pops over his sticking out ears.

"You looked like a butter cup when you were born. Nicknames are for life, BC."

"You stink. You both stink."

Kate grins and shares a fist bump with little brother, always willing to join in the ragging on Collin. "Hey, Coll, Dashiell and Ellery will be here-"

"Awesome."

"But you and Dash have to be _nice _to the little ones."

"I'm not little!" Ian yells, the words blasting around the room. He's inherited Jenny's lungs, that's for sure, and the whole bullpen turns to look at him.

Kate keeps the smile off her face and turns to Ian. "No way. I'm mostly talking about Ellery, of course. Ian, you gotta be a good big brother too."

"But I'm the little brother." And he's the whiny one - he's the one who gets hurt and comes running to mommy.

"Yeah, but Ella is younger than you. So that makes you the older brother now." Kate sees Ryan detaching himself from the crowd and heading over.

Ian screws up his face and leans into Kate's side, his mouth at her ear to whisper - loudly. "But she's not really my sister."

Ryan huffs and raps his knuckles into his son's forehead. "Close enough, boyo. Come on." Ryan rolls his eyes as he leads his sons away, and at that moment the elevator doors open up on Lanie.

Of course. "Hey, Lanie," Kate murmurs, standing to give her friend a hug - as best she can manage.

"I'm starving. Where's the food?" Lanie says, squeezing her back. "Also? I heard Castle totally took you apart today."

Kate frowns and casts an accusatory look back over her team, but Lanie clucks at her.

"Don't blame them. They were worried. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just. Nothing. This case. You know how I get. Castle was just - stopping the train wreck before it could start."

Lanie stares at her a long moment and then hugs her again. Kate realizes with a flicker of disbelief that she's never been much of a hugger, but ever since Castle broke into her life, she's needed a certain kind of hug.

At that, the elevator doors spill open and Dashiell comes tripping out, literally. He catches himself before he can fall, and sees her there, his whole face lighting up.

"Momma! Did you have a better day with your coffee?"

She grins and crouches down to catch him up into her, hugging him fiercely. Certain kind of hug, and he's got it. Dashiell squirms in her arms, but he allows the kiss on his cheek.

"My day was infinitely better, my man. How was yours?"

"I saw dinosaurs! And the Night at the Museum is on my birthday. Please, can I-"

"Let Dad and I talk about it first, baby-"

"That's as good as a no!"

"Dash," she says quickly, raising her eyes to meet Castle's as he stands over them. "It's not a no. It means I need a day off to think. And you need to remember what we talked about. Be flexible. Be patient."

"I suck at being patient."

Kate does laugh at that, but she ruffles Dashiell's hair and stands up, looking to Castle. Dash bumps his head into her thigh and catches sight of Ian and Collin, abandons her to meet up with them. Collin and Dash do some complicated fist-bump handshake thing that reminds her of her team.

She feels Castle's presence at her side and finally turns to him.

Kate swallows hard at the tenderness he's trying to drown in his eyes. "Rick."

"Come here," he murmurs and opens his arms, drags her inside his embrace.

She takes a deep breath of him and lets it all wash away.


	84. Chapter 84

Rafe sets out everything on the conference room table - he and Allie were carrying huge casserole dishes of lasagna through the 12th precinct's lobby with Ellery's little hand tucked into his pocket so she wouldn't fall behind. Security waved them through; it seems everyone knew they were coming.

He has these great travel cases he got from a firesale when his friend's catering company went bust, and he loves that he's getting to use them, finally. Their new kitchen at her grandmother's old place is amazing - spacious and easy to maneuver, even with two of them and a little girl underfoot.

"Where does this go?" Allie asks, holding up the bag of bread.

"Just put it at the end, open it up and let people reach inside. I made individual loaves, so there's no need to cut up a bunch of slices."

"Okay, what about these?"

He glances over. "Your mom said they had enough plastic forks, but I hate plastic. So."

"Are these ours?"

"They're catering from Madison's - cheap, but at least real silverware; she wanted to help."

"Plates in here too?"

He shakes his head. "Not that crazy, Allie-babe."

She snorts. "Coulda fooled me."

He hears a huff of laughter from the doorway and sees Rick with Ellery in his arms. "Thanks for doing this, Rafe. It smells amazing and no matter what you say, it can't have been easy."

"Yeah, my pleasure. Really."

Ellery takes Castle's cheeks in her hands and orients his face down to hers. "I did so help, Daddy."

"I'm so proud of you for helping, but what'd I say about touching faces, baby?"

Ellery curls her fingers up and drops her hands, but it doesn't seem to dent her happiness. She takes the correction and keeps on going. "I helped with bread. And I helped make cheese."

Castle shoots him a look and Rafe carefully shakes his head. She wasn't anywhere near the cheese grater, just took the shavings over to Allie to sprinkle on top of the lasagnas.

"What a great helper you are," Rick praises her, his smile so deep that Ellery wriggles in pleasure in his arms. The way she adores him, how she followed Rafe around today as well, having those warm little bodies to wake up with breakfast this morning. . .

Rafe has to look away, throat closing up, and Allie's eyes catch his. She shoots him a scowl and mouths _No way, mister._

"We'll see about that," he says back softly, reaches for her hip to pull her in close. She comes, a palm against his chest. "You know you want an Ellery for yourself."

"But later," she sighs into his kiss.

After a moment too long, Rafe hears Rick clearing his throat loudly.

But he doesn't care. Let the man see how much Rafe loves his daughter. Let everyone see.

"Soon," he murmurs against her mouth. "Soon, Allie."

* * *

Somehow, Allie ends up with Collin and Dashiell while Rafe has made best friends out of Ian. Kate would feel badly about it, but they both look more than happy spending time with the kiddos.

Ella stays with Kate, letting Tio take her for a few minutes, but coming back to her mother before dinner starts. It's a messy affair - the team all take spots in the bullpen to eat, while the boys rush back and forth between the food and their parents and the observation room where Ryan has piled them all inside.

Collin and Dashiell start a play fight in the hallway that trips the Captain's husband as he gets off the elevator, but it's Tio to the rescue, snatching both boys away from the open doors the moment that mischievous gleam lights up their eyes.

At her desk, Kate half-stands to go for the boys, but Castle is there to thump Dash in the ear for it, and Ryan takes Collin into another room for a talk. Mr. Gates seems okay with nearly getting trampled, and their Captain introduces him to the room. Ellery crawls into Kate's lap when she sits back down, dislodging her mother's food, but Lanie catches her plate just in time.

"Jeez, this is chaos," Kate mutters, sharing a look with Lanie. "I'm shocked that the Captain has let this go on."

"Free food," Lanie says, shrugging her shoulders. "And oof, speaking of food. Did you have that thing where all of the sudden - and I mean like _yesterday_ - the only thing I want to eat are those nasty corndogs. The frozen ones? Seriously, that cannot be right."

Kate laughs, holding her plate above Ellery as the girl wriggles in her lap and leans over to the desktop, putting her mouth right into the lasagna and trying to suck it up.

"Ellery Kate," she sighs. "What are you doing? Don't play with it. Eat it."

"It's warm on mine lips."

"Oh jeez, that's the Castle coming out in her," Lanie says, shaking with laughter.

"You are so right. That is none of my gene pool. Ellie, sweetheart, use your fork."

"Seriously, strange foods. Is this-"

"Normal," Kate says, waving a hand. "Totally normal. Eat corn dogs for a week to indulge the little guy, and then go back to the stuff the nutritionist gave you. How was that, by the way?"

"I think it's help-"

"That nutritionist is a quack," Esposito barges in, spinning his desk chair around so he can straddle it as he talks to them. He shoves a bite of lasagna into his mouth and uses his fork to make his point. "That woman does not-"

"Hush your mouth, Javier," Lanie says, giving him her _talk to the hand_ routine. "You do not know."

"What I know is that she told you to avoid all the foods that make you sane and rational during this time of crazy hormones-"

"Javi, I'd shut up if I were you," Kate says, lifting an eyebrow.

"I'm just saying-"

Castle leans in over Kate's shoulder, slaps Ellery's hand as she smears her buttered bread in her hair. "Ella, no playing with it. And Javi, I'm with Kate. Zip your lip."

Ellery giggles so hard that she slips off Kate's lap; Castle catches her with a huff of impatience, wipes butter from her fingers and hair with his napkin.

"Zip your lip," she snorts, a little hysterical with it.

"Okay, this is nuts. Allie!" Kate calls over the heads of Ryan and Jenny until she gets her oldest's attention. "Did Ellery get any sleep last night?"

Allie stands up from where she was stooped over to herd the boys. "Think so. Dash was the one who woke so early."

"I have issues!" Dash yells, crossing his arms over his chest and giving them all a murderous glare.

Ellery giggles harder, wilting in Castle's arms. Kate bites her bottom lip and shares a look with Allie.

"Dash, honey. We all know," Jenny says, handing him a chocolate chip cookie that the Ryans brought from home. "Eat a cookie. Go find Collin."

"Collin already had a cookie." Dash takes a big bite and then turns to Rafe who is trailing after Ian. "Rafe. I ate all my lasagna and it was so good."

"You got your special dish?"

"It was all filled up with hot stuff. It was the best I ever ate!"

Rafe gives him a high-five and then catches Kate watching them; his crooked smile and the half-salute he gives her makes Kate blush.

Castle nudges her elbow, Ellery leaning out to her mother. "Watch it, Kate Castle. He's taken."

"Shut up," she mutters, narrowing her eyes at him as he drops Ellery in her lap again. "I'm just proud of him."

"Proud of him?" Castle laughs, settling back on her desk while Lanie and Esposito not-so-quietly argue over whether or not she should be allowed to eat as many oreos as she wants. "You're proud of him."

Kate slides her arms around Ellery, lifts her knee a little to poke her foot at Castle. She took her shoes off a couple of hours ago and now her bare toes skirt up the leg of his pants.

He catches her ankle, fingers thick at her bones, tender and brutal at the same time.

"Kate."

"Look what he did," she says finally, waves her hand around the room. "Look what he did for us."

"No, love. We did this. He's part of it, but it takes all of us. Every single one. Right, Ellery Kate?"

"Daddy, you always right."

"See? Baby girl knows."

Kate smirks. "Rick, honey. We all know you think you're always right. Eat a cookie."

He laughs and leans over, presses his mouth to hers, a dark and wet kiss that makes her breath falter. She blinks as she looks up at him.

"Mm, never mind. Tastes like you already had dessert."


	85. Chapter 85

It takes Rafe all night to put the pieces together.

True, he's distracted by everyone raving over the meal, constantly stopping him in gratitude and asking for the recipe. And then he gets a call from his mother, who berates him for not having told her, and why did she have to get the news from a text his _beautiful, thoughtful _girlfriend sent her, and he better not be revealing long-held family secrets, and _oh, by the way, Rafael, mi corazón how do I text Allie back?_

He glances across the desks to find Allie's wicked, laughing eyes on him, finger-waving at him with a smug smirk. Rafe sighs and extricates himself from the group, moving down towards the elevator to get some privacy for his mother's endless conversation.

When he finally hangs up with her, he realizes he's been pacing the hallway outside the coffee room where Jenny put all of the chocolate chip cookies, and he definitely could use some dessert. Rafe heads for the door and sees Kate, Rick, Javier and Kevin standing around the table, some kind of conversation going on.

He pauses when hears Rick's voice, low and insistent, serious. "I'll figure something out."

Kate crosses her arms. "No - it's not fair to them, and you shouldn't have to do this-"

Ryan snags a cookie from the table, looks hesitantly between them. "I could see if Jenny. . ."

And then Rafe realizes.

The kids. Jim Beckett is out of town on his honeymoon, Martha really shouldn't take care of two rowdy kids, Allie's working on call early tomorrow morning and Castle wants to be here tonight to help the team.

They'll have the arraignment early tomorrow morning as well.

So Rafe steps into the room and clears his throat, pushes his hands in his pockets. All four swivel their heads intently to him.

"I'll take the kids," he says firmly. "I have most of tomorrow off, and I can call Madison if I have to push back my shift."

Kate is already shaking her head, but Rafe turns his eyes to Rick. The man is hesitantly deciding, looking to his wife and then to Rafe, nodding slowly.

Rafe's learned a few things in this family too - like which buttons to push, what to say to get the right response. "Kate. I know Allie's on call tomorrow, but I can do it. They'll be fine with me."

Clear in his statement is the question _Don't you trust me?_ and it gets her immediately; she closes her mouth and takes a moment, evaluating Rafe.

He smiles confidently. "They already feel at home at our apartment. Stuff is set up. Dash knows how to work the tv."

Kate gives him a flash of a smile, looks to Rick.

Allie's father nods. "Good idea, Rafe. And thank you. I'll see if the kids are good with spending another night with you guys. I promise tomorrow morning - afternoon - when the arraignment is over, I'll come get them. We won't make you late to work."

Rafe shrugs. "If you do. Not a problem. Family's more important."

Rick is reaching out and tugging him into one of those man-hugs that includes back-slapping and a hearty grip on his hand, but Rafe returns it easily. His family is pretty large, and garrulous, and it's a hundred times better than a wedgie or a noogie - the males in his family's usual form of greeting.

Kate is already sliding an arm around his shoulders, a brief embrace with her murmuring thanks at his ear before she steps back.

"I'll go break it to the kids," she says finally, and then heads out of the room.

* * *

Castle turns his head and kisses his daughter's knee as she rides his shoulders in the elevator down.

"Don't forget to duck, baby duck."

She quacks from her perch, giggling as she does, her little body squirming and her hands gripping his ears. Beckett women and ears, yeesh, what is the deal?

Castle holds a couple of the catering carriers in his arms, waiting on the doors to open and deposit them in the lobby where Kate and the rest of them are trying to get a cab. When the elevator dings, he feels Ellery hunch low over his head, and he carefully steps off, ducking a little himself to keep baby girl from hitting the top.

When he comes out, Dashiell's mouth drops in surprised jealousy, and to forestall any fits, Castle grips him by the back of the neck and turns him towards Kate and Rafe.

"Your turn next, wild man."

"That's so cool."

"It's so high," Ellery says, straightening up now but still gripping his ears. One of her fingers is hooked right into his ear drum and he shakes his head against her, making her giggle and clutch him harder. "Daddy, Daddy, oh, stop."

"Get your finger out of my ear," he says, squeezing her calf with the hand gripping her. He flicks at her hand and she releases him only to get a fistful of his hair instead.

Kate sees them and her face breaks into a wide, captivating smile; he feels Dashiell falter beside him, probably just like Castle's stuttering heartbeat - she's just so beautiful when she smiles like that, makes him want to memorize whatever it is he's done so he can do it again and again.

Kate reaches up and strokes her fingers down Ella's thigh. "Look at you, cricket."

"It's so high, Mommy. I see all the people."

"I bet you do," Kate murmurs with that indulgent smile.

"My turn?" Dash says from below, tugging on Castle's hand.

"Yeah. It is. Ella, ready to dismount?"

"Ooh, yes. Can I stand on your shoulders first, Daddy?"

He grins and he sees Kate's eyes flint at that, but Castle hands her the catering stuff, nudges her towards the door. "Go put this in the taxi. They just got one."

Kate turns reluctantly for the lobby doors, but pauses before she leaves, watching them. Castle lifts his hands to Ellery's and she winds her little fingers between his. He feels her effortless grace as she shifts forward around his head, a little foot already getting purchase on his shoulder, right at his neck.

He grips her hands and stays still as Ellery lifts to one foot, drawing the other leg up his chest and to his shoulder, standing so tall, her joy and pride practically beaming around the lobby.

"Oooh," she breathes out. "I so tall, Daddy. I taller than you." She makes a few bounces on his shoulders and he squeezes her hands, sees Kate take a half-step back towards them.

From the floor, Dash grunts. "I'm not doing that."

Castle laughs, feels the vibrations quiver into Ellery, but the little girl stays perfectly balanced, her hands even loosening in his, trying to shake him off.

"No," he says quietly, gripping her harder. "Have to hold on."

Kate sucks in a breath, her eyes flying down to his, and he smiles back at her with a wink, tries to still the momentary panic he saw race across her face. Her shoulders slump back down, and the door opens to Alexis, coming inside for the last of their dishes.

"Oh my-"

"Whoa!" Rafe has come in behind her and grins up at Ellery on top of Castle's shoulders, chuckling as he takes the carriers from Kate. "That is awesome. Look at you, Ellery."

"It does go so high. I could be a bird. Daddy, can I jump?"

"No!" Kate says, taking the last few steps towards them.

"Like I'd let her jump," Castle snorts, releasing one of Ellery's hands to poke at Kate's shoulder.

Her eyes narrow at him. "Both hands, Rick Castle."

"Naw, she's fine. She's got your sense of balance. Remember when we-"

"Mommy stand on your shoulders?" Ellery says, crouching a little to pat on the top of his head for his attention. He can feel the curved grip of her ballet-slipper-clad feet on his shoulder, how her body shifts naturally back and forth to maintain her balance.

She's really good at it.

"One time, Mommy got on my shoulders to shove open a door in the ceiling, and there was a tiger down below us-"

"Castle."

"Is this a Beckett story?" Dash proclaims loudly, crossing his arms.

"It's a Beckett story," he says, nodding. "You were like. . .negative one."

"I would pet him tiger," Ellery murmurs over his head, stroking her fingers through his hair as if imagining it. "Nice kitty."

"Dangerous kitty," Castle mutters.

"I don't believe you," Dash huffs. "Mom?"

Kate sighs. "It's a true story. You weren't born yet but - oh jeez, I was probably pregnant though. Oh my God, I was. Castle, I was _pregnant_ with him when we almost got eaten by that tiger."

"Him almost _eat_ you?" Ellery says, gasping. "Not nice kitty. I not pet him."

"No one should be petting any tigers," Kate says firmly. "And he - well, yes. He did almost - well, he was playing with us. He could've, but he just - no. We were fine. I stood on Daddy's shoulders and we pushed open a trap door in the ceiling and there was Tio and Uncle Kev, and we were fine. Right, Daddy?"

Castle slides his gaze past her to Alexis's wide eyes and open mouth. Yeah so. . .he might not have told his daughter that one.

"Dad?" she says, slowly, crossing her arms. "A tiger?"

He grins weakly. "It was that one time with the handcuffs, Alexis. No big deal."

"_That's_ what that's about?" She shakes her head slowly, but Ellery is patting Castle's cheek now, half-bouncing on his shoulder and making it ache.

"Daddy, can I jump?"

"No," Kate says.

"Sure," he answers. "Jump to Mommy."

"Rick Castle."

"She'll just - it'll be like the pool. You can-"

"_No_," she says, and holds up her arms for Ellery. "There is no _water_ down here, just hard floor. Ella, come here before Daddy helps you break your neck. I'll get you down, carefully, and it will be Dash's turn and then that is it. We're done with the circus act. No more standing on Daddy's shoulders if there's no tiger around."

"Or water?" Ellery says helpfully.

"I can be a tiger," Dash offers. "Ellie, you be a tiger for me when I get up there?"

Ellery is being pulled off by Kate's strong grip, but she twists her body around and nods to her brother, growling. "I be a Beckett tiger. I eat you up, Dashy."

Castle breaks out into a laugh, sees Rafe laughing with him too, the lazy grin on the guy's face, and Castle realizes - Kate's right. _Alexis has found someone like me._

Whoa.

Dash jumps into Castle's now empty arms and he just manages to catch the kid, grunting with the force of his five year old. Kate is leading Ellery out onto the sidewalk and taking some of the equipment from dinner with them.

So Castle hunkers down and lets Dashiell climb on for his turn.

He loves his kids - he _likes_ his kids. He's gonna miss them tonight.

"Dad," Dashiell whispers in his ear. "I don't want to stand up, but can I flip off like in the pool?"

Castle grins, casts a quick look outside where Kate is busy. "Really quick, and you gotta hold my hands the whole time."

"I got it. No water."

"No water," he affirms, and then sets Dashiell up to flip roll off his back before Kate can see them.

Yeah. His kids are awesome.


	86. Chapter 86

Kate rubs at her forehead, feels like she's making permanent dents in her skull with the movement. Captain Gates has posted herself at the DA's side, not letting him out of her sight, and while it does help, while it definitely makes Kate a little easier about not having control of this case any longer, she still can't reconcile herself to it.

Castle walks back into the conference room with his phone held out in front of him. "It's Dash. He's-"

Kate takes the phone on a sigh; she knows exactly what this is about. She remembered the moment the taxi pulled away from the station.

"Dashiell-"

"Mo-om, we-"

"I know, baby. I know. It's my fault. I completely forgot."

"Dad forgot too."

"Okay, it's a whole family mistake, my man. But-"

"This stinks. It's so not fair. I hate missing-"

"Dashiell," she says quietly, gets his attention again. She doesn't want to put him over the edge while he's with Rafe and Allie. He'll be so disappointed with himself if he can't control it. "I need you to count to ten for me."

He lets out a puff of breath over the phone and then starts counting. His first few numbers are irritated and short, disgruntled, and then as he goes along, she can practically feel his body loosening, his anxiety levels dropping off by the time he reaches ten.

"All right - tomorrow. Saturday," she starts slowly. "There's a make-up karate class with your sensei. Either Dad or I will take you."

"What time?"

"It's at one."

"Dad has his meeting."

Kate glances up at Castle who is still hovering at the conference room table. "Dad has a meeting?" she repeats.

Castle winces. "I do. I have to - it's Black Pawn stuff. It's only for an hour, but it's at two."

"Okay, Dash. My work stuff should be over by then-"

"Should be doesn't sound so good, Momma."

"Attitude, my man," Kate warns and then shakes her head. "Bad choice of words, that's all, baby. Work will be over by one. I'll take you to karate. And then next week, we'll go Tuesday and Friday both. Okay?"

She hears Dashiell's long sigh, and then he agrees. She waits, but apparently he's passing the phone back to whoever let him call. "Mom?"

"Allie. Hey, I'm sorry. Just keep reminding Dashiell that we forgot - it's okay to forget every now and then, his teacher won't mind - and that I'll take him tomorrow."

"Yeah, I can do that. I tried to tell him, but-"

"Don't worry. Sometimes it just takes. . .I don't know. Me, I guess. Call if he loses it, okay?"

Allie laughs a little. "We'll be fine. He won't lose it. Will you, bubba?"

"Thanks, Allie." She ends the call and hands the phone back over to Castle. "Don't let me forget to take him to karate."

"I'll remember," he nods, then slides into the seat next to her. "Ryan and I finished logging every single second of that video from the jail. What next, Kate?"

"The call logs."

He groans dramatically, causing a smile to spread across her face. "Moan all you like. This is just getting you back for all those times you left me to do the paperwork alone."

"It is; it so is. Karma's a bitch."

But he leans in to press a kiss to her cheek, his fingers flirting with her knee, her upper thigh until she smacks his shoulder.

"I'm going."

She smiles after him, curls her fingers in a fist at her chin as she watches him leave the room.

* * *

Castle listens to Gates carefully, but she's on top of things. She's managed to become quite familiar with the intricacies of the case in the last - what? eight hours? - and Castle is impressed. She's twisting the DA's arm, practically, to get the guy's cooperation.

Everyone smells a rat. Something rotten in the state of Denmark.

No one says it, but if the DA's not on their side one hundred percent, then that means someone has gotten to him. And their chances of actually taking this to a conviction grow more dim.

But Gates is working on him.

Castle rubs his face and sighs, heads back to the conference room. It's nearly three in the morning and he knows that by four, Kate's focus and concentration will suffer. By four-thirty, she'll be punch drunk with it, and pretty mean as well, so he'd like to head it off now.

There's nothing left to do. She's just going over and over the same stuff.

"Mr. Castle!"

He spins around on his heel, sees Gates coming out of her office. "Sir?"

"What are you still doing here? I sent the team home."

"I - yes. I know. I'm. . .getting Beckett."

Her eyes narrow. "I sent the team home nearly thirty minutes ago. Why is _Beckett_ still here?"

He doesn't have an answer for that and his silence is condemning enough.

Gates strides past him and Castle sees the DA trying to slip out. Gates halts, spins around to point her finger at DA Johnson. "Halt right there. Back in my office."

Johnson slinks back inside and Gates returns to her warpath, Castle trailing after her as she slams open the conference room door.

Kate startles so badly that she knocks a pile of folders off the table. Castle hurries forward and starts scooping them up, pressing a hand surreptitiously to her foot to silence her. She stands to attention before Captain Gates, and Castle stands with her, putting the files back in their place.

"Go home, Detective Beckett. Right this moment. You are worthless to me if you're collapsing from exhaustion."

"Sir, I-"

"That's an order. It was also an order thirty minutes ago."

Castle steps into Kate's side and she shuts her mouth; he hooks his finger around one of hers and waits for her to release her tension, downshift her anxiety.

"Yes, sir," she says finally, her body less rigid now, the defeat on her face.

"I expect to see you at the arraignment at eight o'clock tomorrow morning."

"I'll be there."

"We'll both be there," Castle adds.

Gates inclines her head towards Beckett, crosses her arms, and Castle realizes she's _waiting_ on them to leave. He hides his smirk and tugs Kate by the elbow, propelling her to the door and her desk beyond.

Gates watches them the whole time - while Kate gathers the last of her stuff, while Castle rinses out their coffee mugs, while Kate logs off her computer. Finally, Gates turns away when the elevator doors shut on them.

Kate sighs and taps her cheek against his shoulder with a little laugh. "I feel like I just got suspended from school."

"I know," he laughs. "Like I got caught pulling a prank, and the principal has kicked me out."

She shifts closer to him, draws her arm around his waist. "I bet you pulled lots of pranks, didn't you?"

"Quite a few."

"Uh-huh. Class clown too, weren't you?"

"You know it."

She's smiling now, finally, but he can read exhaustion in every line of her face. He can't wait to get home.

* * *

Kate crawls into bed and falls over him, sprawling across the heated skin, the soft and firm length of him. He huffs a breath at her, draws his arms around her back and shoulders as she arranges herself.

She feels his hesitation. "Uh. Are you wanting-"

"No. Jeez, no. Too tired for sex," she mutters, lips pressed against his neck as she rolls her face in him, trying to get comfortable.

"Oh good. Me too. Good."

She'd laugh, but it's not funny. It's just. . .true. Kate draws her arms in against him, her fingers tunneling between the mattress and his sides, and he hisses, jerks away from her.

"Ow. What are you doing?"

"I need to be anchored," she mutters. "Lift up a little so I can get my fingers under you."

"You are weird. You know that? You are truly weird," he grumbles at her, but he rolls a little to one side so she can get her fingers under him, then shifts to the other side so she can do the same there.

"I have issues," she huffs back, hears his laughter crack from his chest.

"Yeah, that you do. And somehow, I love you all the more for them."

"Thanks for the magnanimous outpouring," she laughs. She can feel his ribs pressing hard against the tips of her fingers, her body sprawled over his, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.

She would usually tuck her feet over the edge of the bed, down at the end, when she's this tired. The exhaustion makes her feel like she's spinning in time with the rotation of the earth, that she might be flung off into space if she didn't have something to anchor her, hold her down. Grounded. Rooted.

"How long you need to be draped over me like a Beckett blanket?" he mutters.

"Shh. Quiet. I'm trying to sleep."

His laughter grumbles up again, his arms around her, a palm sliding down to squeeze her ass for that. She jerks and shifts her knee into him in response, making him gasp.

"Truce, truce. Jeez. Truce."

"Truce," she whispers in agreement, and drops suddenly when his legs shift wider and her knees hit the mattress. "You getting comfy there, Castle?"

"Am now. Figure if you're gonna fall asleep on me. . ."

"Yeah," she sighs and feels her body shudder on a long drawn in breath. His palm presses hard into her lower back, easing her down even more, and she feels her eyes slip closed.

"You sleep too, Rick."

"Headed there."

"Good," she murmurs, feels her mouth falling open and she can't even stop it. "Love you. Alarm set?"

"Uh-huh. Got it covered. Love you too."

Tomorrow is the arraignment.


	87. Chapter 87

They've overslept.

She's not sure who turned over and slapped off the alarm and then went back to sleep - they've both done it before - but when he wakes her, a rough shove to her shoulder, she flings out both arms to keep from falling in a dream and accidentally gets him in the nose.

They've overslept.

She starts the shower while he brushes his teeth and they both jump in under the spray, hands don't even wander, and he gets out before she's even halfway awake. Too bad; it would've calmed her down.

She doesn't have time to blow dry her hair, barely manages to get eyeliner and mascara on, no foundation and her hair is already kinking up-

"Gorgeous," he murmurs, brushing a kiss to her cheek as he passes her in the bedroom. He's searching for his shoes, finds them under the bed, and she stands there a second at her dresser, fingers around her wedding ring but not yet even on, and he stands up again, smiling.

"What?" she breathes out, realizes this is the first time they've even spoken to each other this morning.

Castle takes the ring from her fingers as he leans in and gives her another soft kiss, no funny business, just gentle and sweet. Her eyes flutter open when his hands dwarf her left one; he slides the ring on her finger, the ring he just bought her, and her heart pounds.

"Get your coat," he murmurs. "We'll have to get coffee at the courthouse."

* * *

Castle leaves Kate just after the metal detectors in the lobby, goes hunting for that coffee stand that's usually set up near the newspaper and magazine kiosk. They don't have exactly what he wanted to get for her, but he makes up an order, adds a shot of vanilla and another of mocha to try something different, and then pays.

When he finds the court room, she's standing outside with her hands on her hips, talking to Captain Gates in low tones. Good sign. Hopefully the DA shows. Johnson was squirrelly all night, and Castle was really expecting a manhunt this morning for the prosecutor.

Kate turns just as he approaches and her eyes light up at the coffee, that easy smile spreading across her face - delight and indulgence and pleasure at just the expectation. He hands it over and she wraps her fingers around the warm cardboard.

"Something a little different," he warns.

"Castle," she whines, wrinkling her nose at him. She hates change; he gets it. Still does it to her though, keeps her flexible.

"It's good. Promise. Try it."

She takes a cautious sip and her face relaxes, all hesitancy melting away, and Castle grins at her.

"Good?"

"Good," she hums, her lashes fluttering, and he feels like he ought to block her from everyone's view. No one else but him should see that face.

"We ready?" he asks, stepping up to Kate's side. Gates is watching them shrewdly, a look he doesn't like, but she waves off his question.

"I'm about to go hunting for that dick, Johnson," she growls.

Castle chokes on a laugh, shoots a quick glance to Kate. She's smirking and trying to hide it behind her coffee cup.

"Uh. Yes. The DA should be here soon, right?"

"I baby-sat his ass all night and if he doesn't show. . ." Gates trails off, her jaw clenched.

"Want me to run and get you some coffee?" Castle blurts out. She looks like she could use the caffeine hit.

Gates turns back with a look of shock. "I - well-"

"It'll take two minutes. I bet you like yours black, little bit of cream?"

She startles so hard that she takes a step back.

"Ha!" he crows. "I knew it. I'll be right back; you hunt for the dick."

He can hear Kate snorting with laughter behind him.

* * *

Beckett downs the last of her coffee with Gates at her side; Castle has already finished his and gone on in with the prosecutor. Johnson apparently reassigned the case last night, left a message with poor Miles Stubble, and the assistant to the junior DA (or whatever) is now trembling at the big kids' table.

Gates is still gulping, but Kate wipes her hand over her mouth, trashes her cup, and goes inside.

Lockwood hasn't been escorted into the cage yet, but she spots his defense team at their table, and Castle is standing, beckoning her towards Miles.

The junior DA offers his hand and she shakes.

"Miles. Glad you made it."

"I've never had an arraignment on a Saturday before."

"Have you ever even had an arraignment?" she mutters, but Castle is elbowing her side.

"Miles, you got the files, the evidence sheet-?" Gates says, walking up behind Kate.

"I got everything. Mr. Castle was running it down with me. Maybe you could-"

"Yeah, we'll do that now," Gates says, and draws Miles to one side, sitting with him at the prosecutor's table directly in front of the judge's bench.

Castle takes her by the wrist, tugs her to the wooden seats at the back. They slide in, even though Kate would rather be up front with Gates and Miles, making sure nothing goes wrong, but Castle is right. This is their place. It's in the hands of the justice system now; she's done her job.

Castle nudges her knee with his own and she looks up from her folded hands, sees the hesitant but encouraging warmth on his face. She laces her fingers through his, takes a deep breath.

"Doing good," he murmurs.

She waits a beat, but when he doesn't lean in and kiss her, doesn't try to muscle into her space, she realizes that they really have changed over the years, they've figured out how to be better for each other. He got her here on time, he found her coffee and made her laugh; he elbowed her to keep quiet, pulled her to sit down, and now he's just holding her hand.

Kate leans in quickly and presses her lips to his cheek, humming against his skin. "Thank you, Rick."

He looks surprised, and he shrugs her off like it's nothing, but he's got a pleased little smile on his lips.

Just then the side door rattles and the contingency from the prison comes walking slowly through. Beckett stiffens, Castle's hold on her grows tighter, and the correctional officers lead Lockwood into the court room.

He's in wrist and leg cuffs, chained together to keep him hobbled; they unlock the cage and he goes inside without pause. Kate eases back into the wooden pew, her heart rate evening out again. The court officers are signing the custody log, but the guys from the prison are staying for extra security. That helps to level off her anxiety as well.

"I'm gonna go talk to him," she says, and shifts forward but Castle's grip on her hand is suddenly fierce.

"No."

"Castle. I can-"

"No," he says again. "No point in it, Kate. Say what? You'd only be playing his game."

She swallows hard, turns her eyes to the man smirking behind the reinforced cage. She's been playing his game for a long time now, hasn't she? And it wasn't really his game, it was whoever hired him. A name she might never know.

Suddenly her phone vibrates, making them both jump, and Kate snatches it out of her coat pocket, checks the ID, and stands up to take it outside.

"Kate," he hisses. "If the judge comes in while you're out there-"

She won't be allowed back inside. "I know," she murmurs. "But it's Jordan."

He lets her go and she heads swiftly to the doors, starts to push her way out when three police officers come in instead. She stands aside to let them by, morning light coming through the high windows of the courthouse and making their shields shine. Kate answers the phone before she's even through the door, breathless.

"Beckett, it's Jordan Shaw."

"You have something for me?" she asks, pacing the hallway. "I'm in court, and I've got to get back."

"I'll be quick then. Asked around for you, called in some favors, and it turns out that your former Captain and his wife are in WitSec. They couldn't get a deal for the kids, looks like."

"With WitSec? That's US Marshals, isn't it? What does the FBI have to do with WitSec?"

"My guy says we're grabbing the kids to ensure cooperation in an ongoing investigation. Just - protective custody for the next few days. Something's going down soon; we wanted them off the street."

Beckett rubs at her forehead, scrapes a hand through her hair. She hears the doors and spins around, heart sinking as she sees the court officer closing it up.

But she's got to find out about Montgomery; she'll just have to miss it.

At least Castle is there. He can stand in for her, for her mother.

Kate sighs and puts her back to the closed doors. "Okay, Jordan, start from the top. Montgomery's in WitSec. And the FBI-?"

The three police officers.

Where'd _they_ come from?


	88. Chapter 88

Castle glances back to the door, but it's solidly closed; Kate's on the other side. He buries his head in his hands, takes a breath, then scrubs his hands down his face. Lockwood is in the cage, but suddenly Castle feels exposed, vulnerable. Defenseless.

He doesn't like not having Kate here.

He's not sure what happens now, with Kate out there and him in here. This is her mother's case - this is her thing - and when this arraignment is over and he's got to walk back out there, he just doesn't know what happens.

Will she fall apart? Or will she retreat into herself, draw inward so that she can't be touched?

He remembers seeing her stand in the bedroom this morning, morning light on her cheeks, limning her hair, and her fingers were playing with her wedding ring. She looked beautiful. Determined. So he took the ring and slid it over her finger, stroked the inside of her wrist.

She never gives up. He's always loved that about her.

Whatever happens in this court room, it's only the first step on a longer journey. She'll be fine, won't she? She'll keep going; he'll be there to make sure.

One of the officers shifts in his seat, glances over his shoulder to Castle. He gives the officer a nod and crosses his arms, turning his eyes forward.

He thought that Hastings was coming in for this. Where is she? The three officers sitting across the aisle from aren't the contingency from the 12th that Castle expected.

His phone vibrates and he pulls it out. Kate.

_Started already?_

He sighs and texts her back. _About to. You okay?_

He waits, tapping his phone against his knee, and the court bailiff calls them to attention. Castle stands with the rest of them, his stomach churning, as the judge strides through the doorway leading from his chambers.

A text back as the court is called into session: _Hate that I'm stuck out here, but got leads from Jordan. Who are the guys in there representing the 12th?_

Castle shoots a glance towards the three officers, frowning.

The judge takes the bench. "Be seated."

Castle replies as he sits down. _Don't know. Never seen them before. You don't know them?_

Her text back is immediate. _They weren't familiar. Probably guys on duty when Espo and Ryan were taken. Text me about Lockwood._

He slips his phone to the seat beside him, glances again at the three officers. Maybe so. She's probably right; the 12th is a big place and it's been a few years since he was there regularly.

"Matter number one - and our only case of record on the list this Saturday morning-"

Unless Castle is mistaken, the judge looks completely hacked at being here. So who pulled these strings? He takes out his phone and makes a note that they ought to look into that; surely there's a name to be found. The DA reassigning the case, the Saturday time slot. Someone is behind it.

"-the People of New York versus John Doe aka Hal Lockwood. The matter is up for arraignment. Council, please state your name and who you represent for the record."

The defense team stands. A man smooths his tie down and lifts his chin. "Avery Zessman for the man known as Hal Lockwood, if it pleases your honor."

The judge nods and their prosecutor gets nervously to his feet. Miles states his name and Castle's phone vibrates.

_Hastings is out here with me. She was late. What's going on?_

Jeez. What is up with Hastings? That woman has been flaky all week long.

"In the arraignment 201-1460, the charge is premeditated murder under special circumstances allegations."

_About to read the indictment, _he sends back.

"Mr. Lockwood, do you waive a formal reading of this indictment?"

Lockwood, in his cage, stirs like a cold-blooded beast, lizard eyes. "I do."

He does? He's hustling this thing along? Huh.

Castle glances once more to the officers across the aisle, the sun backlighting their row and making it nearly impossible to distinguish their features. He curls his fingers around his phone and watches the men, alert in their seats.

He texts Kate.

_Something's not right._

* * *

Hastings puts her hands on her hips. "I'm sorry. I just have - there was something I had to take care of."

Beckett raises an eyebrow, and Hastings avoids her eyes.

"Something to take care of," Kate repeats.

Hastings purses her lips, stares straight ahead. "Just. What has Mr. Castle said about the arraignment?"

Beckett shakes her head at Hastings; she needs to sit the woman down and have a real conversation. Soon. "He said they're just about-"

Her phone vibrates and she glances down, reads Castle's latest. Hastings steps up beside her and peers over her shoulder.

"What does he mean, someth-"

An explosion rocks the hall - a flash of light; Hastings drops to a knee. Kate glances over and smoke is pouring out from underneath the doors. Kate's heart pounds as she jerks towards the court room, pulling her weapon.

"Castle-"

The doors burst open, and Beckett rocks back as she comes face to face with Hal Lockwood.

"Freeze!" she yells, but two of the imposters lift their weapons.

Kate scrambles but Hastings shoots first. The guys must be in vests, because one stumbles with the shot, but Lockwood pushes him forward, takes his gun and draws down. Kate knocks Hastings down, but she's too late; the bullet slams into the woman's shoulder and the impact makes them both roll.

She hears the rattle of chains dropping to the wood floor, and lifts her eyes, a hand pressed Hastings's shoulder to stem the bleeding.

They're getting away. Shit, they're getting-

"Go, go," Hastings groans. "I'm fi-ine. Fine. Go-"

"Call for back-up."

Beckett scrambles to her feet, getting caught in the chains, wasting precious time, and draws her weapon as the four men head for the stairs.

"NYPD!" she yells, sprinting off after them.

* * *

The flash and noise. The smoke. Ringing cacophonous in his ears.

The struggle of bodies. He senses the fake police officers rushing past and Castle pushes himself into the aisle to stop them.

The thud of a fist into his gut, a knee; the butt of a gun crunching into his face.

Castle groans with the sudden onslaught, pain and darkness, struggles for air even as his body goes down; the brutal slash of agony makes him nauseous.

He hears the slam of the doors, but can't get his limbs to work.

Kate.

Lockwood.

He rolls to his knees, pushes up, feels his body swaying. Something wrong with his head. Something wrong with his vision, all burning white with black spots, mouth thick with a metallic taste.

The world is swimming, lurching past his reach.

He feels his shoulder hit the wooden bench, but he can't right himself. His body slumps down, his arms collapsing beneath him, and his head hits the floor.


	89. Chapter 89

Beckett vaults the stairs and hits the floor with a grunt, her knees cracking hard on the marble, palm stinging. She curses and gets to her feet, chases after Lockwood.

The crack of a bullet and a shot chips the wood near her head. She falls back, heart pounding, mouth dry. She sinks to the floor and cautiously takes a sweep of the hall. No one in plain sight, but a shadow marks the end of the hallway and Kate aims, waiting until she gets her moment.

She's rewarded with the slow crouch of a body into the light and she fires, sees the man drop.

One down.

Beckett gets to her feet and runs for him, kicks the gun away but he's dead, and she hits the stairwell door.

She slams her hip into the crossbar but doesn't go through, feels the vibration of bullets against the metal, fires back - one, two. Keeping the door half closed as cover, she gets off one more shot before hearing that telltale thud of a body falling.

Beckett takes the stairs two at a time before she's even certain the guy is truly down, but she can't delay; she heads up. The guy was above her, so they're going up now.

She finds the impostor groaning on the next landing, curled in on himself, and she snags his weapon; he's going nowhere. Gut shot. Beckett winces but she leaves him there - Lockwood is her target. Hastings will get back-up; Gates was in there too-

Castle.

Kate stumbles on the second floor landing.

No.

She keeps going, feet flying up the steps, furious and wretched and praying - it was just a flash bomb, it was just-

She's breathing hard at the fifth floor landing and her hands clutch the two weapons. She's still thinking _Castle, oh God_ and not looking, and the last guy gets the drop on her.

The bullet burns at her temple, her ear, and she grunts as she's spun back, feels the blood coursing down her neck as she hits the wall. But in the next instant, she's raising both weapons, and she fires, one-two, and then launches herself over his already slumping body, hearing his gun clatter down the stairwell.

Beckett hits the roof access door with her shoulder and tumbles out to the overwhelming roar of a helicopter.

And Lockwood, racing for the open door.

Head pounding, blood slicking down her collarbone, Beckett raises both weapons.

And fires.

* * *

"Castle."

His body twists and is drawn over; he groans and his eyes flicker open. Bald spots across his vision but he can see Esposito's face. Sound is muffled, cottoned up. He thinks there's a rush of movement, people, is Esposito yelling at him?

"Castle. Where's Beckett?"

Where's-

He darts up and immediately collapses back down, face first, but Espo has him, is struggling him into a sitting position even as Castle's body lists, a weight at the end of a crazy pendulum, swinging back and forth off the very earth.

"Where's-" Castle's rasping stops and he blinks slowly to clear his head, hangs on to Esposito for dear life. "Kate. Where is Kate?"

"I'm asking you," Espo growls. "The arraignment. You were-"

"No," he grunts and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, feels like he's falling. He's falling; Esposito is dragging him back up. "She was out in the hall. She was late. Where - what happened? Lockwood-"

"Hastings is out there. She's been shot."

His body jolts and his hands fly out, but Esposito is already gripping him, shaking his head.

"Hastings. Hastings is shot. Shoulder, but she was unconscious when we got to her. Beckett was out there too?"

"In the hall," he says and pushes to his feet. His body swings drunkenly before his inner ear straightens up, and he takes a couple swaying steps towards the doors and then there she is.

There she is. Drenched in blood and coming through the doors.

"Kate-"

She crashes into him, the only thing keeping him upright is her body leaning into his, and his arms crush her against him even as he shakes.

"Castle, Castle," she's gasping. "You okay? Are you-"

"You're bleeding," he shivers, feels his cheek slick with her blood. "You're bleeding - are you shot? Kate-"

"Just, it grazed me. I just - Lockwood is dead. On the roof. Esposito." She lifts her head from Castle and there's Javier, already trying to pry Kate from him, but he can't let go, she's gonna fall if he lets go, _he's_ gonna fall-

"Beckett-"

"On the roof. Helicopter. The pilot is dead. Lockwood is dead. On the roof - Espo - secure-"

"You need EMTs, Beckett."

Castle cups her face in his hands and a violent shudder wracks her body. His fingers slick through it, the blood soaking the side of her head, her neck, shoulder. "Kate. You're going into shock."

She sways, her lashes flutter, but he's catching her before she can drop, catching her but sinking, his head pounding, his ears stuffed and ringing.

"Javi-"

"I'm getting someone. Put her on the floor, lift her feet, staunch the blood."

He's already laying her down, his fingers at her neck to stabilize her head, and Esposito is hustling out of the court room. Suddenly Gates is there, propping Kate's feet up on one of the gallery benches, and Castle lifts his wife's head into his lap, tries to find the source of all the blood.

"I'm headed to the roof," Gates says to him, a crushing grip on his shoulder that draws his attention. "We're securing the scene, but it looks like Beckett took them all out. Hastings is on her way to the hospital. But Ryan will direct the next EMTs here."

He nods, swiping his fingers through Kate's blood until he feels the ragged edge at her forehead, close to her temple.

"Castle."

He lifts his eyes to Gates. "I got it. Roof. Ryan. EMTs. Go."

Gates leaves him and he's already shucking his shirt, ripping it off, yanking it down his wrists to press it against her head, stop the flow of blood. Kate's body jerks and she comes around, a foot falling from the bench. She lifts her hand to his makeshift bandage; her face is grey. She struggles to get up, her feet pressed against the floor.

"Castle."

"Stay still."

"I'm okay," she grunts and curls on her side, pushes up.

"Kate-"

"I'm okay. You - you, Castle. You okay?" She's gripping the back of his neck like she needs a handhold as she levers herself up. Her hand comes over his at her forehead, and then she sways, closes her eyes, and has to lean against his chest, his wadded up dress shirt between them, her hand over his blood-stained undershirt.

He curls around her, his heart being jerked around on a string, but her fingers grip his bicep hard as if to hold on, bruising.

"Castle," she says again, and he realizes she was probably saying it before. "Can you hear me? You look disoriented."

"I - I am. Disoriented," he admits, blinks hard to push the blank spots out of his vision. "Flash grenade. Bang. Flashbang? Is that what they're called?" His voice sounds weak but she's wincing; he must be yelling.

"Stun grenade. Flashbang. Yes."

"And smoke." It takes supreme effort to keep upright with her leaning against him. "Two of those things rolled down the aisle."

"Smoke grenade as well then," she says softly. Maybe it's not soft at all, maybe she's still talking in her normal voice. He digs a finger into his ear and she stops him, kisses the inside of his wrist. "Don't."

"Fuzzy." But even as he says it, the ringing is more manageable.

Her fingers trail up to his neck, his jaw, something like relief in her voice. "Temporary effects. You should be okay."

"You're shot."

"Just. It just grazed me. I'm okay."

"Blood says otherwise," he grunts.

"Head wounds bleed. I'm okay. Lockwood is dead."

"Hastings is in an ambulance. Kate-"

"Lockwood is dead," she repeats, and gets to her knees. His shirt falls away, not as much as blood as he expected, and her hands balance on his shoulders, grip tightly. "Castle. You - I didn't - I didn't know-"

"I'm okay," he says finally, gripping her elbows even as she rises.

On her feet, she offers him a hand and he takes it, lets her pull him up too, his tangled legs and his adrenaline-dumped body, and they're both shaking, both in the letdown, and his hand squeezes over hers, can't stop the pulse of his grip.

But she keeps his hand and leads him out of the court room on her own two feet.


	90. Chapter 90

She sits on the bumper of the ambulance and winces as the paramedic debrides her head wound. Castle has her by the hand and she gives in, clutches at his fingers when it gets to be bad.

"Kate, maybe you should get this done at the hospital."

"They'll make me stay overnight," she murmurs, glancing to him. "The kids-"

"Okay, okay," he says quietly. "But-"

"I promise I'll let you know."

"There were no signs of a concussion," the EMT interrupts. "I'm almost done cleaning this, and then I'll stitch it up. I'll give you a care sheet and-"

"We're kind of experts on stitches," Castle laughs, but he sounds strangled. She laces her fingers through his in comfort, jerks when the paramedic goes deeper.

"You're lucky," the guy starts. "A millimeter closer. As it is, it won't heal pretty. You might want to go to a plastic surgeon."

A scar at her temple, the edge of her eyebrow - that's the least of her worries. But Castle looks so distraught, she squeezes his hand until he meets her eyes. She telegraphs all she needs to in that gaze, everything, and sends up a quick prayer of thanks for making it out of that building alive.

She made some stupid mistakes, but she's still here.

She's going to have some vicious dreams, but she's alive.

"Okay, I'm going to give you another local anesthetic; this one seems to be fading quickly. Then I'll stitch you up."

She would nod, but that would be a bad idea. "Castle, time's it?" The kids.

He checks his phone with one hand. "Not time yet."

"What about you?" she grunts. "Your head. You-"

"Ears are still ringing. But I'm okay. I'm better than you."

"Detective Beckett, I need you to lie down on the stretcher in here, create a sterile field." The paramedic is nodding towards the back of the ambulance, trying to get her to move, his gloved hands held out carefully in front of him with remnants of her blood smeared across the blue.

"No," she says, closes her eyes when she feels Castle's objections start up in just the grip of his hand around hers. "No. If I lie down. . ."

"Kate," he says softly.

"No, Castle. Just do it here, like this. I'm okay. I want to go pick up my kids."

"No," Castle says and her eyes fly open. He strokes the back of her hand with a thumb. "No. Go in the back of the bus, lie down, let him do his job. Then you and I will go home, you'll get a shower, clean you up before we get the kids. We have time."

She glances once to the paramedic then back to Castle. "Okay. Okay, but you're gonna have to help me get up there."

* * *

Castle goes to find Esposito while the paramedic stitches up his wife. Ryan finds him first, pushes him towards the medical examiner's van.

"Lockwood," Ryan says carefully.

"She killed him."

"She blew him apart. She emptied her clip into him."

"The helicopter pilot?" he asks, rubbing a hand over his jaw.

"Prelim says same caliber as her weapon, but Lockwood had a Glock too."

Castle groans. "Lockwood snagged one of the fake officers' weapons?"

"Yeah, so we'll go at this carefully, make certain CSU does it slowly, step by step. We can't have this one coming back on Beckett."

Castle sighs, scrubs a hand down his face and winces when his eyes burn. "We're saying Lockwood shot him?"

"That's what we're going with."

He shares a look with Ryan - they both know it's entirely possible the copter pilot was cut down by friendly fire; Kate emptied her clip into Lockwood and no one saw what happened up there.

But he will never say that.

Ryan clears his throat. "How's Beckett?"

"She's getting stitches. Lockwood is-"

"You need to see him?" Ryan asks, already reaching for the back door of the van.

"Yeah," Castle says thickly. He's got to get this out of his head. Raglan being shot in front of him, Lockwood taking Ryan and Esposito, the way the man's face felt under his fist.

Ryan tugs open the ME's door and pulls the gurney towards them, reaches for the zipper on the black bag. The chain of evidence seal is on it, but the detective is already slipping the double zippers through the tape.

"Hey," Castle starts. "Wait. You don't have to-"

"It's fine. You need to see that he's dead. Believe me, I get it. Just warning you - face is a mess."

Castle swallows hard and lets Ryan unzip the bag.

_Face is a mess_ is a massive understatement. Brain splatter, half the skull caved in, the eyes bugged and veins burst, the smear of grime and blood, features distorted in death.

"Oh God," Castle groans. "She-"

"Shoot-out up there, obviously. We found rounds in an air conditioning unit, and a set near the helicopter, another pattern concentrated on a utility shed. They battled it out."

Kate. Alone on that roof.

"CSU is working the scene; we'll know more in a few hours. Be good if we got Beckett back to the precinct soon, got her statement."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll - we'll do that. I'll get her back to the 12th."

"Can you get her there by two?"

"No. But - I don't know, Ryan. I'm sorry. I don't know. I'll get her there though. I'll call you."

Ryan grimaces but nods at him. "Perlmutter is doing the autopsy. Just to keep it all on the up and up."

Castle clears his throat but finds the words are stuck.

"Esposito is with Gates. You stay with Beckett and get her back to the precinct as soon as you can."

"The kids-"

"Castle."

He stops, takes a moment to really look at Ryan. The man's face is grim, gritty with the events of this day, and it's not over by a long shot.

She shot and killed a fleeing prisoner; a helicopter pilot is dead; the ballistics might be a pretty close match.

And somewhere out there is Montgomery, and the man behind all of this, and this is only the beginning.

"Okay. I'll have her there as soon as I can."


	91. Chapter 91

Kate feels bad. She - she can't quite keep her head up, and she knows it's blood loss, but she doesn't need Castle treating her like their five year old and putting her to bed. Still. They work better when she tells him this stuff. And she does understand, somewhere in her head, that her tendency to shut down when she's wounded is what makes him anxious, what drives him crazy.

So she gathers words together, strings them one by one in her head until something makes sense.

"I need something to eat. Something sugary," she says finally, curling her fingers over his wrist as he drives.

He glances over at her with a frown then nods. "Blood loss."

She sighs. "Can we stop somewhere?"

"We need to stop?" he says in surprise. "Okay. Okay, we'll stop. I'll - yeah. Here's a space, and I'll run down to that pizza place. It's-"

"Sounds good," she says, presses the back of her hand to her mouth.

She feels the hard jolt of the car as he sloppily parallel parks, and she opens her eyes to see him already jerking his seat belt off. His hand suddenly comes around hers, and she realizes he's pulled her phone from the cup holder and is pressing it into her fingers.

"Kate. Stay awake. Call me if you-"

"I'm okay. I just need some food."

He leans in and lightly kisses her cheek, a move that makes her heart flip, but Castle is already gone by the time she gets herself together; he's slamming the door shut and heading down the block for pizza.

She presses her lips together and struggles to keep her eyes open.

* * *

Castle's waiting in line for pizza when Ryan calls him.

"Hey, what's the word?" he says.

"Perlmutter did ballistics first. Looks like he wanted to clear Beckett pretty quickly."

Castle has never loved the man, but apparently, in his own way, Perlmutter considers Kate a friend. Or at least worthy of some jumping in line.

"And what did he-"

"Not a match to Beckett's. The rifling on the bullets from the pilot are different from those he dug out of Lockwood. So - prelim at least - says that Beckett killed Lockwood and not the pilot."

"Oh thank God," he murmurs, opens his eyes to see he's first in line. "Kev, I gotta let you go-"

"Yeah, go. Wanted you to know right away."

"I appreciate it." He ends the call and orders a slice of pizza and a Coke, full sugar. He pays with a twenty, shoves the change into his pocket, and takes the cardboard box they hand over. He gets the Coke himself, fills it halfway with ice - she doesn't like a lot of ice in it - and then snaps a lid on top, grabs a straw on his way out the door.

So Kate's off the hook for the pilot's death. That's good. ME's van left the scene about an hour before they did, which means Perlmutter worked really fast to get that done. He'll have to remember to thank the man, somehow. What does Kate always say? Let's give him a Ferrari.

When he gets back to their car, she's slumped over against the door, her eyes closed, that bullet crease standing out in vivid black, angry red. He has a flash of six years ago, coming to her door after the Butcher case and seeing the stitches, the weary and desperate brokenness in her eyes. His chest tightens and he concentrates on shoving the straw into her drink instead.

When it's all prepared, Castle unlocks the doors with the key fob and she startles, so he opens her side and hunches down on the sidewalk in front of her. She blinks and stares at him a moment, then reaches for the pizza as he offers it.

"Thanks," she murmurs.

"Drink this first," he says back, giving her the large Coke, wrapping her fingers around it. "Full sugar."

She sucks it greedily, closing her eyes again, and leans her head back against the headrest. He's about to ask when she hums. "I'm okay. Promise. I'm okay."

"I know." With her face bloodless and her grip so weak, he's reminded of the day Dashiell was born. He had to sit behind her in the bed and wrap his arms around them both so she wouldn't drop the baby. That's a better memory, scary as it was, and it helps to remember. She hasn't lost nearly as much blood now as then, and she should be fine in a few hours.

"That helped," she murmurs, but hands him back the drink.

He laughs and takes it, reaches over her to put it in the cup holder, brushes her cheek with a kiss. "Okay, gonna get you back home. Eat your pizza."

"Coke was smart. Sometimes, Castle, you're a smart, smart man." She puts a hand to his neck and kisses his jaw, soft and sweet.

He pulls back to look at her, shakes his head. "You're goofy," he says quietly.

"Mm," she murmurs, gives him a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Love you too, Castle."

* * *

The Coke does more to revive her than the pizza; she has trouble swallowing the thick dough, the stringy cheese. He got her plain, but it still settles in her stomach like a rock.

She killed Lockwood. But it's not over.

"Castle," she says, glances over at him as he drives.

"Yeah."

"Before all this, Jordan Shaw called me back."

"Oh yeah." He grunts and stops at a light, turns to look at her. "What did she say?"

"She confirmed that Montgomery is in WitSec and the FBI is running an investigation into this."

"What's this?"

"Whoever is behind my mother's death." She tilts her head back against the seat and rubs her fingers over the edge of her knee, holding it all back by barely a thread. "Based on what she said, this guy is more than just some local mafia boss with a couple of corrupt cops on his payroll."

"Figured it had to be. Look at the extent of his resources."

"The mercenary squad. The money in Afghanistan. And the arraignment getting moved up - the DA's reluctance-" she lists.

"The helicopter rescue on the roof," he adds. "This is big time stuff. A helicopter landed on the top of the justice building, Kate. This is huge. This is so far beyond us."

She feels a whimper building in her chest, but she won't let it out. She can't. "Montgomery put this all into motion, and the Dragon sent Lockwood to clean house."

His hand comes over hers on her knee and squeezes, then lets her go. It helps. She puts the straw to her lips and takes another sip of Coke, trying to take the edge off her wooziness.

"If Montgomery started this, then he better finish it," Castle says suddenly into the quiet between them. "Take this guy down. For good."

"Jordan says the FBI scooped up his kids to ensure cooperation. So maybe he balked at something, maybe they wanted more information - I don't know. But. . .I think Uncle Mo is still trying to protect us."

He grunts. "You're giving him a lot of credit."

She turns her head slowly to look at him. "He just abandoned his whole life to get this guy. For us. Because-"

"No, Kate. He did it for him. Because his guilty conscience got the better of him and he couldn't stand it anymore. And instead of facing it like a man, he unburdens it on you, leaves you to clean up his mess, leaves you essentially without a clue what we're up against while he stays _safe_."

She chews the inside of her lip, but her head hurts too much to think about this. "Castle."

"Sorry," he sighs. "I'll shut up."

"Jordan is going to see what she can dig up for us. Beyond that. . ."

"I know. I got it. We'll - keep doing what we do."

He sounds so resigned. She reaches over and curls her fingers at his forearm, strokes his warm skin until it makes her feel better too. "Thank you. I almost. . .slipped through."

Castle sighs, but flips his hand under hers, laces their fingers together. "Never let you fall, Kate."


	92. Chapter 92

The whole drive back to their loft, Kate gets texts from everyone on her team as more and more reports come in.

Ballistics on the gun that shot Hastings and the pilot are a match for the gunshot inside the Montgomery home; the FBI has officially confirmed the plates from the two Dodge Chargers as belonging to one of their investigative squads, and finally, they've traced the payoff money in the dead prison guard's account to - of course - that damn bank in Afghanistan.

When she asks, Ryan texts her to say Gates is on top of it - better than Karpowski, that's true, but Kate still feels ill at ease about their new captain taking on that bank. Karpowski was at the hospital with the two from the mercenary team, but now she's sitting vigil with Hastings's boyfriend - some reporter - and Kate is fine with that. She texts Karpowski back to tell her to stay there, even though the woman would probably do that anyway, with or without permission.

Kate's head is killing her. She wraps her fingers around her phone so she can feel it vibrate when she's needed again, but she closes her eyes and leans her forehead against the cool glass of the window.

She must doze off because suddenly the light changes, the darkness waking her, and she opens her eyes as the engine shuts off.

"Home," Castle says softly.

He's already opening the driver's side door and coming around for her, but she gets out on her own steam, finds herself more steady than she expected.

"You good?" he murmurs.

"Good." She follows him slowly to the elevator in the underground garage, some dizziness but not too bad. Actually, she's starving, so maybe they should grab a quick lunch before they get the kids.

In the elevator she shifts to lean against him; Castle sighs softly and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulls her against his chest. He's warm and swaying just a little; she draws her fingers against the buttons of his dress shirt until the doors slide open.

He takes her by the hand, loosely, and heads down the hall to the apartment.

"Castle? You?"

"I'm good," he says back, but it takes him a couple tries to get the keys in and the door unlocked. He pushes it open with a wincing look at her and she lifts her fingers to his cheek where a bruise has started to show around the broken skin.

"Looks like someone got you," she says softly, letting him push her through the doorway and inside.

"Butt of the gun, I think."

She frowns and trips her fingers over his lips. "You tried to stop them, didn't you?"

"It's kind of a. . .big blur." But he doesn't look at her as he says it.

"They hit you, Castle?"

He shrugs and walks away, heading for their room. She follows, thinking about how she found him with Esposito, how his eyes were unfocused but his grip was so hard. As he walks, she sees now that he's favoring one side, as if he's bruised.

"Castle."

He turns at the doorway to the bathroom, already pulling out clean towels from the linen closet. "Yeah."

"The butt of a gun to your cheek - bone could be cracked-"

"Doesn't hurt like that."

"What about the bump on your head?" she murmurs, coming for him, taking the towels from his hands and dropping them on the floor.

He sighs. "You need a shower. We gotta get the kids. Alexis is on call, and Rafe has to be at work-"

"This first, Rick. Where else?" She skims her hands down his chest, starts on the buttons of his shirt. His fingers wrap around her wrists, a grunt of breath that she can feel at her temple - a burn of awareness at the stitches.

"You can look at my ribs in a second. Right now, come look at your_self_, Kate." He's pushing them both towards the mirror and turning her to face her reflection.

"Oh, wow," they both say, stunned astonishment in their voices.

"Jeez," he groans, turning his head to one side to see the ugly black and purple coming up on his cheek, the side of his face.

Kate blinks hard at the ugly mess of stitches on her temple, the crusted blood in her ear and down her neck. "No wonder you've been looking at me like that."

"We're gonna scare the shit out of our kids."

A bubble of hysterical laughter claws out of her throat and she sinks her head into her hands, winces when her fingers skim the sensitive skin. "Castle. What are we gonna do?"

"Well. We clean up. We get the kids, tell them the story."

"I am _not_-"

"It can't be any worse than what we've already told them, Kate. I mean - only a couple months ago, when Dash got his stitches, we had to explain how we got ours. The Butcher."

Kate presses her lips together, her heart twisting. "Poor baby girl. Ellery was so sad; she knew it meant we got hurt. I can't - I don't want to do that to her again."

"Me either," he murmurs, and his fingers close over her left hand, fiddling with her new wedding ring, the two stones he picked to remind her of their kids. "Ever."

"Yeah," she sighs. "I hear myself. I hear it."

She doesn't want to do this to her kids, but she's already done it to them. Look at her, look at Castle - her kids' father is standing next to her with a brilliantly-colored bruise over his face and probably bruised ribs, if his wincing is any indication.

"That arraignment wasn't anything you could control, Kate. None of this is. Montgomery put this into play, not you."

"I should've left it alone. Raglan-"

"And that was my fault," he says gravely, his eyes avoiding hers in the mirror. "That was me. I thought I could handle it for you."

She turns her body into his, slides her arms gingerly around his waist to keep from hurting him. She takes in a deep breath - blood, sweat, fear, but still him. Still that Rick Castle scent of crisp aftershave, that hint of clean laundry, and the warm oil of his skin. Still the man she loves, the man she's built this family with.

"You did just right, Castle. You did right for me."

His arm wraps around her shoulders, easing her into him. She lays her uninjured temple to his heartbeat, lets its rhythm soothe her.

"Let's clean ourselves up," she says finally. "And go get the kids. We'll figure out what to tell them when they ask."

"Okay," he says softly, and presses a kiss into her neck.

* * *

She's gentle, the water heating the tiles and the steam practically obscuring her body from his sight. When she touches his ribs, fingers skimming the purpling skin, he can't help flinching. She puts her mouth on his skin, soft and delicate, healing in her touch, and he lets her take care of him until it's her turn.

She stays well away from the shower spray, keeping her stitches dry. They're not covered, so he does the best he can to clean the skin around the wound, using the corner of a washcloth and tilting her face away with two fingers.

Jeweled drops of water cling to her lashes; she lifts them and her eyes burn into his with a lazy heat that makes his stomach tighten, his spine straighten. Her hair is a mess of blood and iodine and the gunk they put over her wound, but he washes it out slowly, keeping clear of the stitches, using his cupped hands to rinse the shampoo from her hairline.

Her eyes close again, her body swaying in the shower, and he massages the back of her neck as he combs his fingers through her hair, grateful to have this moment when it could've gone the other way so easily.

When her knees dip and her hands come out to clutch his hips for balance, he steadies her and plants a kiss to her forehead.

"Go on and get out, babe." He gently nudges her towards the door. "Dry off."

"What about you?" she sighs, her head turning, lashes blinking slowly, her hair already curling up around her face.

"Be right behind you."

He pushes open the door with his foot and she shivers and steps out. Castle runs his fingers one last time through his hair, feeling for the bump, making sure they got all the blood out, and then he ducks his head under the spray again, rinsing.

His ribs are starting to really kill him, probably as much as her head hurts her. They'll both take some pain relievers after they pick up the kids. He's been paying attention, and so far the EMT was right - no sign of a concussion in her, him either actually. They've been testing each other.

Ha. Teamwork.

Castle shuts off the water and steps out, shivering, and finds Kate has left him a towel on the drying rack; it's nicely heated when he picks it up. He grins to himself and switches off the bar, wraps his body in the warm cloth.

"Thanks," he murmurs as he comes into their bedroom.

"Yeah. Get a move on, Castle. I'm seriously exhausted. I could eat. You?"

He shrugs. "Not sure. We'll see. Get you and the kids something and maybe I'll get something later."

"Sounds like a plan," she says, trailing her fingers at his waist as she moves around him to get a pair of jeans from the closet.

He takes a moment to watch her move, the lines of her body, the navy of her underwear, the red flush to her skin from the entirely too-hot shower.

"You feel better?" he asks.

She shrugs. "Somewhat. You?"

"Eh."

She gives him a lopsided smile. "Yeah. About how I feel. Get dressed. I wanna get my kids."

She shrugs on a sweatshirt and heads out of the room.

* * *

When Castle knocks on the door to Alexis's apartment, he hears the sound of running feet and the thump of little bodies. There's fumbling with the lock that he knows is Ellery trying to get it open on her own, and then Rafe's voice as he shoos her away, tells her to wait until he checks the peephole.

It takes mere seconds after that for the door to be jerked open and for them to see Rafe's shocked face.

"Mom!" he gasps.

Dashiell darts forward at Rafe's exclamation and tries to run for them, but Allie's boyfriend grabs him by the shoulder. Castle isn't sure whether he's grateful for the man's automatic protective reflex or frustrated that it gives Dash just long enough to get a good look at them.

And then he realizes that Rafe just called Kate _mom_ and that's just - jeez, Kate is practically vibrating, she's so overwhelmed with it, so Castle sinks to his knees and draws Ellery from Dash's side.

"Hey, baby girl. You have fun with Rafe and Allie at your sleepover?"

"You did get hurt, Daddy," she says, lifting her hand and pushing her fingers into his cheek. He yelps and she jerks back, and Castle feels Kate's hand at his shoulder, holding him still.

"Sorry, Cricket. Just a little bruised. Didn't expect you to push on it." He gives her a one-sided smile, winking at her, and Ellery comes into the circle of his arms, her hands on his thighs as she studies him.

Dashiell has slipped free of Rafe and is tugging on Kate, getting her attention so he can see what's happened. Castle wraps his arms around Ellery and lifts her into his arms, standing next to Kate and fiercely ignoring his ribs.

Kate strokes her fingers through Dash's thick hair, smiles down at him. "Doing just fine, my man. Rafe, if you've got time, we can come in and explain?"

"Momma, your head." Dash says, wrinkling his nose at her. "You got stitches like me!"

"I did. They look cool?"

"Uh. . .maybe?"

Castle laughs and Rafe is tugging them back through the doorway, shutting the door behind them. "Okay. So. . .what happened today? I thought you were going to an arraignment?"

Kate gives Castle a quick look and he reaches out a hand to Dashiell, snags him by the back of the neck.

"Hey, buddy, help me pack up your stuff, okay?"

Dashiell narrows his eyes but Castle merely stares him down. Rafe will get the full story but the kids will get a heavily edited one. Later. Let them get used to it first.

"Daddy, you did get hurt," Ellery says solemnly, her little fingers at his chin and patting softly. "I kiss and make it better?"

"Sure, baby girl. That will do the trick." He turns and gives her his cheek, glances down at Dashiell. "Come on, son."

He feels Ellery's lips smack just below his bruise, thank goodness, and Dashiell comes along at his side, both kids letting him take them to the guest room and gather their stuff. He makes them fold up Ella's sleeping bag together, then starts a game by tossing one item of clothing at a time into Dash's open backpack.

Ellery giggles and jumps over her sleeping bag, grabs her pajama bottoms and throws it into the bag. "Two points!" she cries, throwing up both arms and glancing back at her daddy for his approval.

"Very good, baby girl," he grins. "You try, Dash."

Dashiell balls up his jeans from yesterday, tossing them from hand to hand, then makes a perfect arc towards his backpack. It goes half in but a leg hangs out, making the kid laugh.

"Look, my basketball fell apart," he says, running for it.

Castle tosses in some underwear over Dash's head-

"Hey, mine panties!"

He laughs at Ellery and feels the stiffness in his cheek, but ignores it. "I made three points with your panties, silly girl. All the way from back here."

"Go, Dad!"

"I don't want to know."

Castle chuckles at her voice and glances back to see Kate leaning in the doorway, smiling softly at him. She looks pretty rough, and so must he; Rafe is crowding in behind her.

He shrugs. "We're playing basketball." Castle raises an eyebrow at her in question.

Kate nods and comes inside the room, sinking down onto the bed next to Dashiell. The boy stops bouncing on the mattress and cuddles up at her side.

"You guys ready to go home?" Kate asks. "Rafe's got to go to work."

"You get hurt, Mommy?" Ellery stays at Castle's hip, one hand on his shoulder, as she watches her mother intently.

"Little bit. Daddy and I will tell you what happened in the car."

"A Beckett story?" Dash says suspiciously.

"Yeah, my man," Castle answers, tossing the last of their clothes into the backpack and then scooping Ella up. "True story."

Ellery wiggles in his arms. "I like Beckett story, Daddy. I know them all. Mommy chase bad guys."

"That is exactly right," Castle grins back at her, moving to get their stuff with the girl still in one arm. "Always up against the bad guys."

As he's zipping up the backpack and gathering the sleeping bag, he can practically hear Dashiell thinking over there, some intense mulling as he goes through everything in his head.

When Castle turns around, Kate's guiding their son towards the door, but the kid has his arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed. "Momma, you better tell the story. I wanna hear it right."

Just as Castle's getting huffy about that, he feels Ella's little fingers on his neck, her voice in his ear.

"Daddy, did them police catch you?"

He glances at her. "What, baby girl?"

"Today. You hurt your face cause of the horse?"

Kate turns back around, frowning. "The horse, sweetheart?"

Dash snorts. "The police horse, Momma. I told-"

"Daddy, you did ride naked and the horse hurted you?"

Oh jeez, Castle groans to himself. This is gonna get complicated.


	93. Chapter 93

It's not on the way; it's not even all that close, really, but it pops into her head and she can't shake the craving.

"Remy's?" she murmurs to him, hoping to stir his interest. If he eats, she'll know he's really okay.

Castle hums, an eyebrow lifting on the non-injured side of his face. Kate reaches across the seats and slips her fingers to his neck, smooths the hair at his nape. She can see his body cant into her touch, that shift of him closer, the involuntary duck of his chin towards her, the lift of his shoulder to keep her there.

"Okay," he says finally. "Hey, kids, you want some lunch?"

"Yay!" Ellery cheers. Kate glances back and sees baby girl with both hands raised in the air, such a surprised smile on her face. "Where we go, Mommy?"

"How about Remy's?"

"Milkshake! I want a milkshake," Dashiell interrupts, struggling out of his seat belt to lean forward. "And french fries. And those hamburgers with the cheese."

"Seat belt," Castle warns. "And yeah, you can have a turkey burger."

"Yessss," Dash crows. "Best lunch everrr."

He turns to his sister and holds out his fist; Ellery tilts her head at him, narrowing her eyes.

"Like a punch, Ellie. Come on. I showed you-"

Ellery closes her fingers to her palm and taps her knuckles to his.

"Are you kidding me?" Castle laughs. "Did they just _fist bump_?"

"Esposito is a bad influence."

"Tio not show me!" Ellery yells out. "Dashy show me."

"But Tio showed me," Dash admits with a sigh. "It's not bad. He said it's not bad. Not like this-"

Kate jerks back and grabs his middle finger, lifting an eyebrow at her son as she closes that back up. "Dashiell Alexander. What did I tell you?"

When Kate turns back around, Castle is pressing his lips together like he's trying not to laugh. She pokes him in the shoulder.

"I could kill Espo."

"Dash," Castle calls back. "A fist bump is totally okay. Just not the middle finger."

"I _know_. I was just _showing_-"

"Don't show it," Kate shoots back, looking over her shoulder at Dashiell. It's not really Dash she's worried about - it's Ellery. That girl will push it. If she figures out how to start flipping people off and what it means, there's no stopping her.

Dash is sighing loudly, crossing his arms over his chest, and Ellery is just watching it all, letting her brother dig himself into a hole. Such a devious little mind she has. Kate turns around and snags Ella by the foot, gives her daughter a look.

"Hi, Mommy," she says sweetly, tilting her head and giving that beautiful smile.

Devious.

"Hey, baby girl," Kate sighs, shaking her head. "You good with Remy's?"

"I can have milkshake?"

"Yeah."

"I good."

* * *

For some reason, Dash is poky getting out of the car. He does his usual thing - sliding to the floor, crawling over to the door on Ella's side, slumping to the curb. He's half in and half out of the car, untangling his foot from the front passenger side seatbelt (how? how in the world?) when Castle just gives up and reaches out to carry him.

Jeez, his ribs hurt.

Dash is five, and too old for carrying, but he wraps one arm around his father's neck and lets himself be carried. Kate gives Castle a look, but yeah, yeah, he gets it. He sees. Kids are affected.

Kate has Ella in her arms and the girl is staring at the stitches, dark and fathomless eyes, so Castle locks the doors and heads down the block to Remy's. They had to park pretty far, so it's something of a walk, but everyone is rather silent.

They get some strange looks. Since Kate walks ahead of him and Dash is partially obscuring Castle's face, he gets a lot of scathing glares until they notice the purple bruise, the cut cheek. Then it's just instant confusion.

No, I do not beat my wife. No, we do not beat _each other._

Castle holds open the door to Remy's and they crowd inside where it's warmer; he lets Dashiell slide to the floor and the boy darts for their usual table, already trying to shake off his coat.

"Wait, buddy," Kate calls after him.

Their son holds up, glances back at them, coat half on. "Hurry."

"We have to wait to be seated," Kate starts, but the waitress they know is already waving them on.

"Go ahead. You guys are good." She's carefully not looking at their injuries, but Carrie has seen them in enough scrapes over the years that she can't be that surprised.

Kate lets Ellery down and the girl races off after her brother; Castle takes Kate's hand and ambles after them, stops once to scoop up Dash's coat from the floor.

They split up to each claim a kid, sitting on the outside of the booth to herd them, and Kate nudges his knee under the table with a soft smile. Encouragement. Okay, so he has to start.

"All right guys. Let's order lunch first and then we'll talk about what happened to Mom and Dad."

"No horsey," Ellery sighs.

Kate's lips twitch.

"No horse, Ellery Kate," he grins back.

"Hurt, Daddy?"

"Yeah."

Ellery practically climbs Kate's side and gets a knee on the table before her mother can stop her. "Sit, baby girl."

"Daddy needs a kiss."

Dash snorts. Castle squeezes his knee to hopefully stall out a fight and winks at Ella. "Mommy will kiss it. Won't you, Mommy?"

Kate lifts an eyebrow at him, but he sees her wince at the movement, her hand reaching up but stopping there to keep from showing it to the kids.

"Momma will," Dash says decidedly, leaning on Castle's thigh. "She always makes me feel better."

Kate untangles from Ellery and crooks her finger at Castle. He leans in, grinning at her widely even though it makes his face hurt, and then Kate puts her elbows on the table and softly brushes her lips over his bruise.

She leans back and he realizes he's still hovering here, breathless, and he drops back into seat just as their waitress approaches the table.

Nothing like a kiss from his wife.

* * *

Kate is having trouble chewing. So not right. Really. She's starving and every bite makes her temple pull and stretch and it _hurts_.

She gingerly rubs her eyes and presses the heels of her hands into the ridge of her brow, feels Ellery squirming beside her.

"Mommy, more ketchup."

She lifts her head. "You have enough."

"More for the babies."

"No."

"But they need ketchup baths," Ellery pouts, pushing her chicken fingers around in the basket. Kate glances again at the plastic tub of ketchup just to be sure.

"No, cricket. There's plenty for a bath."

Ella sighs. "What did happen to your face?"

"I got stitches."

"They black."

"They are."

"They hurt?"

"Baby, I told you already. The stitches don't hurt, but everything around it does."

"Daddy has a bruise," Ellery continues, galloping a chicken tender across her basket and making it dive off into the ketchup. "Ahhh...splash."

Kate glances down the row of tables, searching for Castle. He took Dashiell to the bathroom a few minutes ago, and it is seriously time to explain. Ellery's questions are coming with increasing frequency, which means the girl is worrying at it.

"The doctor sewed you up?"

"Um, the paramedic. Like in the ambulance."

Ellery lifts her eyes, shock scrolling across her face. "Ambulance?"

"Don't worry. The ambulance comes all the time, remember? Every time I chase a bad guy, there's an ambulance at the end to make sure everyone's okay."

Ella doesn't seem to like that explanation and she wriggles in her seat to get up on her knees. She leans against Kate as she plays with her food and at that moment, Dashiell comes running up from the bathroom.

Kate watches him climb into the booth and knee-walk to his spot, flinging his hands around to air dry them. "Dad said milkshakes."

Kate lifts a finger at Carrie and the woman nods back, getting the message. "Yeah. I think they're coming. Where's Dad?"

"Right behind-"

"Here," Rick says and Kate glances up to see him slide into the booth. How did she miss that?

Kate blinks hard and closes one eye, wincing at the pounding in her head.

"Kate."

"Yeah," she agrees, opens her eyes. "Cricket wants a story."

"I do?"

"A Beckett story," Dash supplies, pressing his palms onto the top of the table and leaning hard. Self-regulating, Kate notes, watching him wriggle his shoulders as he pushes, deep pressure on his joints. So Dash is handling this about as well as Ellery.

"Beckett, Beckett, Beckett," Ellery chants, scooping up a baby chicken finger and plopping it into her mouth.

"Okay, here's your milkshakes," Carrie interrupts, the tray balanced on her arm. Kate passes the strawberry down to Ellery while Castle hands Dashiell his chocolate. When they all have milkshakes, Carrie leaves them with the check and two clean glasses and disappears again.

"I do halfs?" Ellery says, bouncing on her knees at Kate's side, a hand on her mother's shoulder as she peers into Kate's shake.

"Halves," Kate corrects, but she grins back and kisses her daughter's nose. "I was hoping you'd say that."

She takes the strawberry shake from her daughter and pours half of it into the empty glass, then fills Ella's up with Kate's own mocha milkshake. Ellery claps her hands and squirms in delight, takes the spoon and stirs it up. Kate adds Ellery's extra strawberry to her own and glances up to find Dashiell and Castle doing the same.

Chocolate and banana. "I call taste-test," Kate claims. Dashiell grins widely and pushes his milkshake across the table.

The girls switch, taking long sips of the boys' shakes, everyone getting as much of the other as they can, and then they switch back, settle in with their own.

"Mm, I like chocolate bananas," Ella hums, but she sinks back against Kate's side, her little fingers twisting in her mother's shirt. "I like mocha strawberries more though."

"Me too," Kate says, ducks her head to brush noses with her girl.

"Okay, story, story, story," Dash chants.

"All right. Story," Castle says with relish, but his eyes meet hers and she sees that he has no idea what to say. How much to say.

"We went to court today," Kate starts, slowly licking her lip free of strawberry-mocha. "We went to court so we could put a bad guy in jail for good."

"Did the bad guy get you?" Dash says, both hands curled around his shake.

"He tried to escape," Castle answers. "And I was there and tried to stop him."

Kate feels Ellery shift and glances down at her; she's got those dark, serious eyes on Castle's face.

"And then Mom went after him," Castle keeps going. "And Mom got him. Mom's good."

"Did you fall, Momma?"

Kate opens her mouth, closes it. She doesn't know what to say. Can't - can't give her kids nightmares, can't-

"She fell," Castle answers decisively. _Castle._ If Castle is lying about it, then it must be necessary.

"I fell. Chased the bad guy to the roof, and got. . .caught on the stairs."

"You got him on the roof?" Ella asks, leaning in close, her little face nearly pressed against Kate's.

"I did."

"Was it snowing?"

Oh, she and Ella went on the roof to watch the snow.

"No, cricket, wasn't snowing."

"Daddy not get him?"

"Dad tried," Kate repeats, using Castle's own language because she can't even say the truth in that either.

"Daddy on the stairs?"

Because of Castle's face. Kate stares down at Ellery's concerned little eyes, then glances back up to Castle. How do they do this?

"No," she says finally. "Dad was in the court room with the judge and our new Captain. You met her, remember? Last night at dinner."

"Ms Victoria," Ellery hums.

_Ms Victoria?_ Huh. Okay.

"Yeah. Dad was with her."

"Dad kept the judge safe," Dash says with relish. "Momma, did you use your gun?"

She sighs, chews on her inside cheek as she studies her son. "Yes."

"Awesome."

"No," she shakes her head at him, frowning. "It wasn't awesome at all."

"Why not?"

"It's never good when I have to use my weapon, Dashiell. I try to use words. Always try to use words to make people do the right thing."

"Like when you tell me not to run. You tell the bad guy 'Freeze! Police!' right, Momma?"

"Yeah. But he didn't listen. And he was. . .a bad guy, Dash. Couldn't let him escape."

She killed him. She killed Lockwood and now she's trying to explain something of it to her son, her innocent little boy.

This is so wrong.

"Dash," Castle says quietly. "The bad guys are people who have stopped using words to get things done. They've used guns or weapons or their fists. So when Mom has to use a weapon against them, it just means that these people are really, really broken. And it's sad when people get that broken."

"Oh," their son says, frowning. "Like my karate teacher says."

Oh no. Karate. She forgot.

Kate meets Castle's eyes and he winces. He forgot too. "Yeah, your karate teacher says that using karate is a last resort. That's what Mom does too. Mom's the last resort."

"Mommy, you did use your gun?" Ella says quietly.

Kate closes her eyes. And then Ellery is climbing into her lap and snuggling up, arms around her neck, lips so cold against Kate's skin from the milkshake.

"Daddy say he broken," Ella says, squirms on her lap. "He get fixed now. He get fixed."

Her heart squeezes and then Dashiell huffs loudly.

"Hey! I'm supposed to go to karate."

She laughs and opens her eyes, looks up at her son. "Yeah. You will. We've got two hours. We'll make it."

Ella wriggles to turn and look at her brother. "We make it, Dashy."

Yeah. They'll make it.


	94. Chapter 94

Kate calls dibs on karate, hustles Dashiell home to change and get his bag. She feels slightly dizzy, and Castle doesn't look happy that she's going instead of him, but Ellery is winding around his legs like a cat, mewling at him and asking for milk in a whiny, feline voice.

"Kate," he says, stumbling over Ella.

"Feed your cat," she murmurs, stepping in to kiss his cheek. "I'm fine."

"I'm supposed to check for concussion," he says quietly, reaches down to untangle Ella from his feet. "Are you driving?"

"Taking the subway. And Castle," she starts to warn, but at that moment, Dashiell comes flying down the stairs in his karate outfit. _Stop babying me._

"Ready, Mom!" He hops down the last step and takes her by the hand, starts tugging her to the doorway.

"Kate."

She gives him a wink (that _hurts_) and tries to brush off his concern. "Rick. Stay with the cat."

"Purrrr," Ellery mewls from his feet, scratching her 'claws' at his knee.

"And my dog," Dashiell says, opening the front door. "He needs out, Dad."

Castle sighs. "Right. Okay, kitty. Want to take the dog for a walk?"

"Meow, mow, mow, meow."

Kate presses her lips together to hold back a laugh and shuts the door on her cat-daughter and disgruntled husband. Dashiell is waiting for her in the lobby with his bag over his shoulder, his finger ready to push the call button.

"Go for it," she says, tugging his coat up his shoulder.

He punches the button hard with a finger and bounces on his toes. "If I learn karate real good, you think I can use karate instead of a gun?"

Kate stiffens and the elevator doors slide open. Dash bounds on and she stares at him a moment too long; the doors start to close and she has to slide inside, her heart pounding in her head, throbbing.

"Why - why would you use either?" she asks finally.

"To stop the bad guys."

"That's my job."

"I know. When I'm _old_, Momma."

He's already pressed the lobby button and Kate leans against the side of the elevator, her head still scrambled by the events of today. She can't have this conversation now, but they are anyway.

"Dash. Do you want to chase bad guys when you grow up? For your job?"

"Yeah. Course."

"What - what about being a writer like Dad?"

"Oh," he says. "I could do that too. Dad does both. I could be a guy who makes dictionaries."

Kate keeps a straight face, relief trickling through her, and she stands up straighter. "Ah. Yes. You could make dictionaries. You like words."

"But, Mom. I really want to be a ninja."

Ohhhh, that's what this is about. "Well. I can see how ninjas would want to use karate instead of a gun. I think that's a smart choice."

"Ninjas are supposed to be stealthy. But a gun makes noise."

"It does. And it's not very nice."

"Did you kill the bad guy?"

Oh, shit.

"Because Jessie said that you shoot bad guys so they die. In like. . .battle. Like a war. Remember that show?"

Show. What show? "Um. I don't know about your show, Dash, but I do not shoot people to kill them. Ever."

"But sometimes-?"

"No. The police protect people, Dash. Even broken people, even bad guys. We don't shoot to kill him."

Even though she did.

The elevator opens onto the lobby and Dashiell skips right out, heading for the front door, seemingly unaffected by the conversation. She follows after him, her mind racing. She doesn't want to answer his question; she doesn't want to tell her five year old that she killed a man.

He waits for her by the doors. "You know when that girl gets shot on the ship. And she's bleeding real bad and the pretty-boy doctor-"

"Pretty boy?" Kate laughs, relieved Dash is talking about television now, space cowboys and make believe. Maybe he's accepted her non-answer and moved on.

"Dad said." He pushes open the lobby door and holds it for her. "Dad said pretty-boy."

"Thank you, my man," she murmurs. "Dad said?"

"Yup."

"Uh-huh, I bet he did. You watch that recently with Dad?"

"Yeah. Dad said it wasn't fair that you got to watch his favorite show with me, and it was his turn."

"Yeah, sounds like Dad."

"I could be a doctor like the guy on the ship. He saved that girl."

"Baby, being a doctor is a really great job. If you want to do that, you should."

"I could fix them after you have to shoot them. I'd make them not broken anymore. And then I'd be helping you catch bad guys and turn them into good guys."

Her throat closes up and she reaches down and collars him by the back of his karate outfit, presses his head against her hip in a quick hug. She won't embarrass him on the street by kissing him, even though she wants to.

"You'd be a great help," she says finally. "You're my best man."

* * *

Ellery is an excellent cat. Really. She's got the movements down, the purr, the arch of her back.

And she's driving him crazy.

"Baby girl, we have to take Rex out for a walk. Right, Rex?" The dog bounces on his front paws, tail wagging slowly.

Ellery keeps crawling under the dog's belly like a cat, rubbing her head into his chest, and then coming to Castle to be petted - ignoring his command to go put on her coat.

"Can I have my little girl back now?" he says pitifully, getting down on the floor with her and nuzzling her nose. "I miss Ellery Kate."

Ella pops up, nearly gets him in the chin as she throws her arms around his neck. "I right here, Daddy. I not go."

"Oh, there's my girl. I like all these words instead of the meows."

"Cats do meow. I meow like a kitty cat."

"You did a great job being a cat. But I need my little girl to go with me outside. We have to take care of Rex."

"And then Abe Lincoln?"

Castle sighs. "And then I'll help you feed Abe Lincoln."

Ellery bounces in joy, hanging from his neck, and Castle wraps an arm around her and stands up again. He can't help but grin at her enthusiasm, and he'd blow raspberries on her belly if his cheek didn't ache so much.

"Let's get our coats on," he says instead. "Can you run and get Rex's leash for me?"

"I get it," she agrees, wriggling down again.

Castle lets her go, gives Rex a rough pet as he moves for the coat closet. Ellery's stuff is still piled in the floor in the entryway, so he pulls his own peacoat off the hanger and slips it on. Ella comes back trailing the leash behind her, grinning up at him.

"Here, Daddy."

"Thanks, cricket. Now coat."

Rex is patient as Castle clips the leash on his collar, his strong tail wagging side to side slowly. Ellery gets her coat on without any help and gives her father a proud look.

"Wow, Ella. Look at that. All by yourself."

"I did good."

"You did," he agrees, taking her hand and the leash and shouldering open the front door. He locks it back and they head for the elevator. "Can I carry you to the dog park?"

"No."

"It'd be easier-"

"No, Daddy. I _walk_."

He sighs, stepping onto the elevator with her, but his phone rings sharply in his pocket. Castle lets go of Ella's hand to dig for it, snags it right as it stops ringing. Ryan.

"Stay by me, cricket," he warns, calling Ryan back.

"Hey, Castle," the detective greets.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We really need you guys to come to the station - we need Beckett's statement."

Castle groans, loops the dog leash on his wrist so he can grab Ellery's hand as the doors open. "I forgot. I'll. . .Kate's at karate with Dash, but I'll run over there for the last of it, make her go-?"

"No, not a rush, really. Just be here in a couple hours."

"Yeah, we will. We'll make it."

"Text me when you're on your way."

Castle ends the call, gripping his phone tighter. Ryan and Esposito are at the 12th, not able to spend quality time with their families like he and Kate get to. They're shouldering all the work right now.

And he's grateful to them.

Ellery shoves on his thigh. "Dog park, Daddy! Go, go, go!"

* * *

Kate stands in the the hallway outside the practice room and watches Dashiell with his class. She hasn't stayed for one of his karate lessons in a long time, and he's good. He's very good.

It's a little surprising. He's a Castle, and he's accident prone, and rather graceless at times, so his surety of movement now far exceeds anything she expected. She's impressed; he must really like karate to be so-

Ah. He's obsessing over it, isn't he? Yeah, she can see that now. The intense concentration on his face, the flush of quick anger in his cheeks when he makes one little move wrong, the grim determination. Jeez, he's her kid.

Sorry, buddy.

Kate feels her phone vibrate as it rings, pulls it out of her pocket as she keeps her eyes on Dashiell. The focus, the passion - that's fine. But she wants to be sure he doesn't get consumed by it, doesn't let it take over.

"Beckett," she answers.

There's a puff of laughter and then Castle's voice. "Really?"

"I wasn't looking at the screen," she mutters. "And Ella keeps messing with my phone, so the ringtones are all off; didn't know it was you."

"She's a devious little kid."

Kate grins to herself - wasn't she just thinking that? - and paces away from the window and the small knot of parents waiting. "What's up, Castle?"

"Ryan called. You gotta go down and give your statement, Kate."

"I forgot," she sighs, closing her eyes briefly and leaning a shoulder against the wall. She _forgot_ to give her statement. That's. . .unheard of. "Maybe my brain's a little more scrambled than I thought."

"I'm at the dog park with Ella and Rex. We'll take the dog home and then come relieve you-"

"No," she sighs. "Dash has twenty minutes left in class. I can bring him home and go in to work from there."

"Maybe we could all go."

She hesitates. But two days in a row of bringing her kids up to the 12th is just. . .

"No," she says finally. "It will only take a couple hours. I'll be home soon enough."

Her phone double beeps at her and she pulls it away to glance at the face. Jordan.

"Hey, Rick, I gotta let you go. Jordan Shaw is calling me."

"Fine. Just - we'll talk about this when you get home."

Her instinct is to bite out _conversation is already over, Castle_, but she smothers it. Old habits die hard, she knows, and he deserves the chance at a compromise. "Okay. We'll talk. But I gotta go."

"Bye, Kate," he sighs.

She switches over to Jordan's call. "Beckett."

"Beckett, it's Jordan. You hear anything more from WitSec or the FBI?"

"Unless you're counting yourself, no." Kate huffs a breath. "I just need to know what's going on. I got no playbook here, and everyone's moving on the field-"

"Well. I think I can get you a meeting."

"A meeting?" she asks, frowning into her phone. "With the FBI?"

"No. With your former Captain."


	95. Chapter 95

Kate leaves for the 12th without him, and Castle looks down at two anxious faces in the entryway, the door having just closed on their mother. He knows exactly what to do.

"Let's go. Get your coats on. Come on."

Dash has barely taken his off, so he just tugs it back on, while Ellery digs hers out of the pile on the floor and lies down over it.

"Ella, what are you-"

She wriggles into the sleeves and stands up, arms held triumphantly over her head, and he grins.

"Good job. All right. Coats on. Oh wait, let me get mine." Castle's coat is on the floor too, oops, but he shakes it out and slips it on, grabs a scarf because the wind is cold. Dashiell is rubbing Rex behind the ears and hanging on to his tail as it wags.

"Soft touch, buddy," Castle reminds him.

"Where we go?" Ella asks, dancing close to him and playing with the end of his scarf as he tries to loop it around his neck.

"Let go of it, cricket."

Dashiell sinks back against the arm of the couch and kicks his feet, throws a ball for Rex into the kitchen. "I got to do a roundhouse in karate."

Castle untangles his daughter and glances over at his son. "A roundhouse kick? Wow. That's awesome. Can you do it for me now?"

Dash sizes up the living room, then wrinkles his nose. "Not in my coat. Only in karate."

"Ah, okay. I see." Rex comes bounding back with the ball, and Dash takes it again. "Careful, kiddo."

"Where are we going?" Dash asks, throwing it again for Rex. "You didn't say."

"To the docks. Where the river is. So it's either the subway or the car service-"

"Subway!" Ella shrieks.

Dashiell hunches his shoulders, that hunted look on his face again. But the kid has been to karate, he's fed, he should be okay for a few stops.

"Subway it is," Castle says, reaching for his keys and stuffing them into his pocket, checking his phone. "Say bye to Rex."

"Bye, T-Rex!" Ella calls over her shoulder. Dashiell is petting him one last time and then moving to follow his sister out the door.

"What's at the river?" he asks.

"Maybe nothing. But the three of us are gonna be spies."

"Cool," Ella breathes, reaching up to take his hand. She doesn't even squawk when Dash presses the call button for the elevator. "We be spies."

Dashiell steps on with a backwards glance to them. "What's our story?"

"Well spies are all about secrets," Castle starts. "They don't want anybody to know what they're doing."

"Cause they spies," Ellery says heatedly. "All secret."

"That's right. So when two spies need to talk to each other, what do they do?"

"Codes," Dash says knowingly, looking like such the little man. "They write each other coded messages."

"Exactly. So if we're all spies and someone has left us a coded message, where do you think we find it?"

"In the river, Daddy?" Ella looks entirely suspicious of this idea. A lot like her mother. _It's not a CIA conspiracy, Castle. Or alien abduction.__  
_

"Well, not the river itself. It's a place on the docks. We call it a dead drop."

"Why's it dead?" Dash asks, stepping out of the elevator and into the lobby.

Castle grins and shakes his head. "It's not killed-dead, buddy; it's more like a dead end. See if I'm trying to pass a message to my spy friend, but a bad guy is following me? I go to my dead drop and leave my message, sneaky and clever, and then walk away."

"Ohhh," Dash says, light going on in his eyes as they head out to the sidewalk. "I get it. It's a dead end because the bad guy can't get to the next spy. And you can warn your spy friend to stay away from you!"

Wow. He forgets sometimes just how _fast_ Dashiell's mind works. He absorbs everything; it all gets memorized.

"Exactly right. Mom and I have a friend who is like a spy; he's trying to be really secret. So he left us a place to pass him messages."

"Can we have a dead end too?" Ella asks, her fingers gripping his tighter. She shivers against his leg at a gust of wind, so Castle leans down and picks her up, cuddling her close.

"We'll make a dead drop too, yeah. After we do this. A place at home where we can pass messages. Or maybe a tree at the park."

"Are there gonna be bad guys there?" Dash asks, reaching back to tuck his hand into Castle's coat pocket. "Will you have to shoot them? Did you bring Mom's gun? Can we-"

"Whoa, whoa." His mouth goes dry and he realizes he's acted a bit impulsively with this. "No bad guys are gonna be there. Our friend just doesn't want to be seen."

But maybe he should call Esposito as back-up. Have another set of adult hands. Yeah.

"You guys wanna see if Tio will meet us?"

"Yeah!" Ella cheers. "I love my Tio."

"Dad?"

"Yeah, my man?"

"Can it be a ninja mission instead of spies? Ninjas are better at being sneaky. And they don't use guns. Like you."

* * *

Tio agrees to meet them at the bar, declining Castle's request to head for the docks. He tries to insist, but Espo threatens to call Beckett and Ryan, and Rick definitely doesn't want to interrupt them. He wants Kate back at home and taking it easy, not worrying about the dead drop.

So he relents and heads to The Old Haunt. When Castle comes into the bar with both kids trailing after him, he sees Javier give him a shake of his head. But Espo can't say anything while Ellery practically climbs his legs for a hug; the detective kisses her cheeks and fist bumps Dash (so he's the one responsible for the fist bump then), and Castle just shores up his defenses for a long, entrenched battle.

"Okay, guys. Let Tio breathe."

"Can we play in your office?" Ella purrs, reaching out to him from Tio's arms, all sweet and innocent faced.

Castle takes her back, kisses her cheek, and lets her down again. "Sure. To the office."

Esposito is glowering at him as they move past the booths. "You're crazy."

"Come on, Javi. Help me out," he murmurs.

"Beckett is gonna have your ass for this," Esposito growls at him, following him down the stairs to the office.

"No way. Why? She hates going down there. I'm doing it for her. Besides, she needs as much information as she can get before she talks with Montgomery."

"Some random stranger might have left you a message in a tackle box on the _docks_ and you're taking your kids with you? And me for back-up?"

Castle frowns and pushes open the door. "It's not like the guy is gonna be there."

"No, Castle, but what if he booby-trapped the thing? What if it's a set-up? What if he's not working with Montgomery at all but trying to lure you guys out into the open?"

Castle swallows hard and watches his kids playing in the passageway, dancing in and out, making the servers and cooks from the kitchen dodge them. "Guys, careful. People are working. Ellery, back inside my office."

They both reluctantly slink back through the door, dropping onto the couch.

"Castle, listen to me on this. I don't think it's dangerous, no. But I also think Beckett would kill you for taking her kids there. You know how uptight she is about them even coming into the 12th."

So true. "Coonan," he sighs. That's all Kate says whenever he starts begging to bring one of the kids with him so he can just selfishly hang out with her. Coonan happened inside the 12th.

Espo nods. "Exactly. Coonan."

"Then you go check it out, Tio. See if he left us anything."

"Is Tio gonna be our spy?" Dashiell asks, sliding up next to them at the desk.

"Well, up to Tio."

Espo sighs. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna be your spy. Gimme the address, Castle."

* * *

"Sorry, Ryan. I have to take this," she says, the wincing apology making her head throb.

"Fine," he says, checking his watch. "I can take a minute."

"Thank you." She pulls her phone towards her as Ryan leaves the conference room, and when he's out the door, she answers. "Beckett."

"Detective Beckett. You certainly have friends in high places." Shaw sounds amused. That could be good.

"What do you mean?" she asks, closing her eyes and dipping her head to her closed fist.

"Someone likes you. I'm getting top-brass help pushing this through. I thought I'd have to couch it in the guise of an official NYPD request, but I haven't even needed it."

"So what does that mean?"

"It means you're getting help from on high. I've gotten it approved, and the details are falling into place as we speak - should be able to see him face to face tomorrow, Kate."

Kate straightens her spine, eyes opening wide to the conference room table. Montgomery. She's not ready for this; she's exhausted and mentally just worthless, and she can't face him so soon. "Tomorrow. No. I can't-"

"It has to be tomorrow," Jordan says, her voice crackling on the other end. "You don't understand the ridiculous kind of red tape around a request like this - it is literally falling into place and it is one time only."

Kate rubs her forehead and waves Ryan off as he circles close to the conference room door. "Jordan, it's Sunday."

"It has to be tomorrow, Detective."

But it's Sunday. Dashiell is just so rigid when it comes to his routine, going to church, following the rules - and then Sundays are supposed to be her day at home; even on call, she gets to spend most of her time with her family. She misses her kids - this past week has been one thing after another and her head is killing her and she really ought to sleep.

"Okay," she grits out finally. "When?"

"It's in DC. When can you get here?"

"In DC?" she gasps.

"Yes. Can you take a red-eye? It'll have to be in the morning - early."

Kate groans. "I - I don't know."

"Time is of the essence. It's a quick flight down and back. It's far more secure than New York right now. I need an answer, Kate."

She chews on her lip, watches Ryan hovering outside the conference room. She has to get her statement finished, get home. She has to close this damn case. She wants it done. "I don't know, Jordan. I have to - I need to talk with Castle about this first."

Her hands are shaking.

"I can give you. . .an hour," Shaw says briskly. "And then the window is closed."

An hour. She has to finish her statement but-

"Okay," Beckett swallows hard. "I'll call you back in an hour."

* * *

"Where are you?" her voice says, sounding strained over the phone.

Castle glances at the kids giggling over an old book of photographs, mostly of Alexis as a baby, and he answers honestly. Thank goodness he can do that. "At the bar with the kids. We needed to get out."

"Castle, I need to talk to you."

Did her voice crack? "I'm listening. I'm here."

"Can you talk?"

Dashiell is presiding over the photos, which will last only until Ellery gets fed up with his pace, but Kate sounds wretched. "I can talk. What's going on?"

"Jordan called me back. I can meet with Montgomery but it's got to be tomorrow-"

"We can arrange that, Kate. I'll take the kids to church, if that's what you're worried about. I know it's important to Dash, to you."

She lets out a strangled noise. "It's not that. Not only that. I have to - it's in DC."

"What?"

"The meeting is in DC. I'd have to fly down. Shit, my head is killing me-"

"You should come home, Kate."

She's silent for a long moment and he frowns, glances over at the kids to make sure they're still absorbed with the photo album.

"Kate?"

"You mean. . .you don't think I should go," she says finally, a strange quality to her voice.

"No. I mean today. Right now. Meet me at home before you have to go out again."

"I have to finish giving my statement. And I've only got an hour to make this decision, Castle. About DC."

He sighs and tilts his head back, closing his eyes as he tries to picture her. And the problem is - he can. All too well. The seared flesh at her temple where the bullet got her this morning, the black stitches the EMT left uncovered, the white sharpness to her cheeks despite the healthy tan they all got back in October. The way exhaustion makes her eyes listless. Still capable, but running on coffee and determination.

Pure grit.

"Okay, so let's make this decision," he says finally. "Tomorrow. What time?"

"Morning. Early flight."

"Down and back. Fast enough," he murmurs, waiting on her. He doesn't love the idea of her leaving on an overnight flight after the day they've just had, but if that's what it takes, if that's what will get her some answers - once and for all - then he'll let her go.

"Yeah," she says slowly. "Fast enough."

"Kate, he's the only one with answers." He swallows hard and has to tell her what he's really doing. "I sent Esposito to check the dead drop. See if our mutual friend let us anything."

"Even if he did, I wouldn't know if I could trust him," she sighs.

"Me either."

"You were gonna go yourself, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

She makes a noise he doesn't like, but he won't lie to her. No secrets about something like this - he did that once before, when he opened this damn case back up again the first year he met her, and he knows what happens to her when she gets blindsided.

"But Espo is down there instead." He waits and then sighs into the phone. "DC tomorrow. What do you want to do?"

"Tell me, Castle. Tell me what I do here."

"You go to DC and make Montgomery tell you what the hell is going on here."

She's silent for so long that he has to glance at his phone to check if she's still on the line. "Kate?"

"DC."

"Yeah," he says quietly, feels his chest tightening.

"I want you to come with me," she says suddenly. "It's not right without you."

"Kate," he sighs, his eyes going back to the kids.

"You were there from the beginning, Castle. You've seen everything - all of the case, all of me. I made you a promise that you'd be there at the end. I want you there."

He watches Ellery pull more photo albums off the bottom shelf of the bookcase in his office, her little fingers barely able to wrap around the spines.

"I know you did," he says finally. "But the kids. Your dad and Kelly will just be getting back in town, Alexis is at work on the lockdown unit, and Rafe's the busiest on the weekends."

"Your mother?"

"We shouldn't," he says quietly. "Not both of the kids for all morning - all day."

"I don't want to do this alone."

Castle groans, rubs the heel of his hand into his eye. "Kate, babe, you're killing me."

"Sorr-"

"Don't be sorry. I know - believe me. I understand. But you gotta do this. You have to go to DC and get answers."

She's silent again; he can hear her troubled thinking.

"Kate?"

"Ryan's back. I have to finish my statement. I'll - I'll call you later?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "Call me later."

She's got to go to DC. They need this to be over.


	96. Chapter 96

Her mouth is watering like she might throw up, and Kate sways in the entry of her home, putting a hand to her head.

"Mommy?"

She turns and Ellery is coming down the stairs, her bright grin falling a little as she catches sight of her mother's face. Kate pushes her mouth into a smile, drops her coat to the floor, and opens her arms to her daughter.

Ella flies down the stairs and jumps into her mother's embrace. Kate rocks back on her heels and sits down hard on the floor, doesn't even care. "Hey, sweetheart. Did Daddy take you to the Old Haunt?"

"I play in Daddy's office," she hums, squirming in Kate's arms. "We play spies."

"Hm, I heard that," she murmurs back, closing her eyes and stroking her fingers through Ellery's hair, over and over, rocking her on the floor. She realizes she's self-soothing using her own little girl, but she doesn't care. It works.

"And then we did see baby Allie."

"Baby Allie?" Kate opens her eyes slowly and sees Castle at the top of the stairs, watching them. She finds her smile is easier, and she lifts her fingers in a little wave to him. That knot of tension on his face starts to dissolve and he comes down the stairs.

"Baby Allie," Ella says, wriggling on Kate's lap to stand up again. "All them photos."

"Oh, you got to see Allie's baby book? Castle, why are Allie's baby pictures at the Old Haunt?"

Castle grins and holds out his hands to pull her up; she comes with a bounce that makes her head pound a little. "They were in a box of stuff I had to move out of the secret passage when we put in the kitchen. A bunch of journals too. We should go through that stuff at some point."

She nods. "Did Espo find-"

"There was nothing," he sighs.

Ella winds her way between them, stepping on Castle's feet.

"Uppie," she says pitifully, pouting at her father.

"Oh, baby, what a fat lip you have," Kate laughs, brushing the hair back from Ella's face.

Ellery immediately sucks it back inside, looks indignantly at her mother. She opens her mouth to retaliate, but at that moment, Dashiell comes running down the stairs.

"Mom. Cool, you're home. I'm starving. Dad said we had to wait on dinner."

"Well, I'm home now. What are we eating?"

"Dad?"

"Daddy, we have pizza?"

"No more pizza," Kate interrupts, lifting an eyebrow at Castle. "Too much of that lately."

"Can we have hot dogs?" Dash asks from the bottom step.

Castle gives her a wicked grin and she laughs back. _Whole hog._ Comes up at the most random times, all those things Dash used to say as a baby.

"No hot dogs tonight," Castle answers finally. "No junk. Something healthy. I've already started the chicken. There's green beans and pasta too."

Kate lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, lets him see her smile even though she knows there's a crazy amount of adoration on her face. "Sounds good. What do I need to do?"

"Take a bath. Relax. When's your flight?"

She grimaces, cursing herself inwardly for that movement as her temple throbs again. "Leaves at five forty-four tomorrow morning."

"That's early."

Kate shrugs. "It is." Still doesn't sit right with her. "Earliest flight out. Jordan said we've got someone powerful pulling strings to get me there and get that meeting."

His face breaks into a hesitant smile. "Well, that's something at least."

"Going our way," she answers, but it doesn't feel like it. "Finally."

"Finally," he breathes out, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Bath. Glass of wine?"

"Yes, please," she groans, stroking her fingers over his forearm as he shifts away from her. "And you?"

"I've already had a glass," he laughs. "We played four rounds of super spy today. I'll have to show you our dead drop."

"It's a secret!" Dashiell claims from the kitchen. He's standing in the pantry like he's about to filch something, so Castle moves to get him, Ellery still in his arms.

"No, wait," Kate laughs, holding him back. "I didn't mean - I meant, I'd like a glass and I'd like _you_. With my bath."

Castle turns back to her with an eyebrow-wriggling leer. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she says throatily, blushes when Ellery twists out of his grip and slithers down to the floor. "Yeah, you. So let's save the bath for when the kids are asleep."

"Give me ten minutes," he murmurs with a smile. "We'll have dinner and put them to bed."

* * *

"Hey," she murmurs in the darkness. Dashiell lifts a hand in a kind of wave from his bed, the dog's tail swishing slowly over the comforter. "You have a good day, baby?"

"It was fun. I'm sorry your court got messed up and the bad guy tried to escape."

Kate smiles back at him and kneels at the side of his bed, reaching out hesitantly to touch him. When he doesn't wrinkle his nose, she sighs and strokes her fingers through his hair, over his forehead, down his cheeks, his chin. His eyes drift close, blink open again.

"We got the bad guy and everything's fine now," she says softly. "But thank you, my man."

Dashiell rolls onto his side and stares at her in the darkness for a long moment. When he finally speaks, she hears the sleepiness in his voice. "Can we play spies and ninjas more tomorrow, Momma?"

"I have to fly out tomorrow. For work. I bet Dad will play with you."

"But when you get back?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

"Cool," he mumbles.

Kate leans in and brushes her lips over his forehead, hovers close, her fingers tracing over and over his face.

"Oh, I'm falling asleep," he sighs, lashes tangling together as he tries to open his eyes, fails.

"_Tu sam, __zlato moje malo_. Sleep."

* * *

Castle is late getting upstairs; he was down in the master bath running water for her and just now got away to tell the kids good night. Kate is at the top of the stairs, a hand on the railing but staring into space.

"Kate?"

She rouses and gives him a half-sad smile. "Dash is asleep, I think."

"Well, that's a first." His laugh is soft but it pushes a smile to her face that has a little more substance.

"Yeah, I know, right? And Ellery was asking for you."

"I'll go say good night then. Bath is ready. Wine on the floor beside the tub."

"I hope it's the whole bottle," she sighs.

Castle laughs and kisses her cheek, avoiding the injured side. "It is, actually. Just leave me some."

"Find your own bottle," she huffs back, but her eyes are brighter, more lively. He leaves her so he can tuck in his daughter.

Ellery is barely awake when he opens the door and steps inside. She's battling it hard, and she stirs when he comes to her bed.

"Daddy," she sighs. "Night-night."

"Night-night, my beautiful girl." He leans over and kisses both of her cheeks, brushing his thumb over each spot. She giggles a little and wraps her arms around his neck, sighing.

"_Volim te,_ Daddy."

"Back at you, sweetheart. Whatever that means."

She laughs again, but it's a weak thing, already dropping into sleep. He takes a moment to stroke the hair back from her face, behind her ear, and then he tucks the covers at her chin and stands up to leave.

When he backs out of her room and softly shuts the door, he's startled to find Kate still standing there.

She takes him by the hand, and even though her eyes are heavy and dark, she smiles. "I didn't want to start without you."

* * *

Kate sighs in relief and leans back against his chest, lets the hot water lick along her collarbone, swallow her knees as she stretches out in the tub. Castle slides his arm around her stomach and presses his mouth to her forehead, skimming her temple.

"How's the head?" he says softly, the fingers at her stomach stroking soft circles.

"Killing me."

"The wine's not helping?"

"Yeah, some." She laces her fingers through his and closes her eyes, lets him draw patterns on her torso with their joined hands. "How's your ribs?"

"Killing me," he chuckles. "Almost as much as your grammar."

"Shut up," she mutters with a laugh. She shifts to move away, but he presses his forearm against her to keep her there.

"Don't move. I've wanted to do this all day."

She sinks back, turning her head to paint his jaw with her lips, and lifts her other hand to the side of his face, water cascading from her arm to soak his hair, run down his shoulder.

He sighs and seeks her mouth with his, lips parting, tongues meeting, softly, easily, the rhythm perfect and old and slowly setting her alight.

His hands drift across her skin, curiously weightless, touching off little fires in their wake. His kiss is slow and drugging, deepening still, and she gives herself over to it, to him.

His mouth drifts to her neck, the slope of her shoulder, and he breathes in her skin, hums. "_Volim te._"

Her body dissolves like a popped bubble, her heart a million drops of soapy rainbow, showering love. She blinks hard and kisses him, deeply, giving, aching for him.

"And I. . ." she murmurs, in English first, and then in her mother's language. "_Ja te obožavam._"

_I adore you._

__And then she shows him just how much.

* * *

Kate rouses to the chill of the bath water, his body slipping away from hers. She shivers at the cold, curls closer to him, bringing her knees up.

"Time to get out," he murmurs. "Come on, Kate."

His fingers are brushing over her back, she realizes, his touch light and tantalizing. She lifts her head and scrapes a still-trembling hand through her damp hair, smiles softly at him.

He smiles back and she presses her mouth to that lazy contentment, licks at the seam of his lips. He lets her in, a slow and pointless exploration, and then she pulls back, brushes her fingers at his nose.

"You okay?"

"Gonna hurt tomorrow," he says reluctantly. "But okay for now. I'm doped on wine and pain reliever and that amazing sex we just had."

She laughs, hears it echo around the bathroom, light and happy.

"I love you."

"You sure did."

She shakes her head at him and unfolds her body, gets out of the bathtub, giving him the chance to look. He comes after her, taking the towels from the warming rack and handing one to her.

Kate wraps up in it, humming a little at the softness, the heat, and shuffles into his body space.

He puts his arms around her, his towel draped carelessly around his waist, finger-combing her hair. He drops a kiss to her forehead. "Two a.m. wake-up call, love. Bedtime."

"Yeah," she agrees, but it takes a long time to make herself move away.

* * *

"Kate," he says quietly, stroking a hand down her shoulder. "Kate."

She wakes suddenly, gasps and bolts upright. "What time's it?"

"It's a little after two. You turned the alarm off."

He sees Kate scrub a hand down her face and then she hisses, her body recoiling.

"Forget the stitches?"

"Yes," she groans, stumbles out of bed. "I feel like crap."

"You're gonna be cutting it close," he murmurs, sliding out from under the sheets. He feels pretty crappy himself, actually. His ribs are sharp with pain every time he turns. "I'll get your coffee."

"Thanks," she says, still sounding half-asleep.

Castle leaves her in the dark bedroom, winces at the nightlight in the hall by the stairs, rubs his own eyes. Ah, shit. Shit. That hurts too. His face. He forgot the whole getting-smashed-in-the-face-with-a-gun part of yesterday's fun. Damn, it hurts.

He pops a few more pain relievers and washes it down with a glass of water, catches the scent of coffee from the caraffe. He set it yesterday after dinner, thinking the whole time how ridiculous a two in the morning wake up call would be, and now here he is. Awake on the wrong side of two a.m.

He makes her coffee quickly, decides against it for himself since he'll crawl back into bed the moment her plane leaves. He'll probably stay up and text her while she waits at LaGuardia, and he could actually do that from bed too. If he doesn't fall asleep.

He brings coffee and pain reliever back with him. Kate is standing in the bathroom, half-dressed, a hand hovering at her forehead when he returns. She pivots and sees him there, and she stares at him for too long a moment.

"Here. You need some caffeine." He hands her the blue mug she stole from the precinct ages ago - ha, wait. Actually. He stole it, now that he thinks about it. He took it right after Dash was born, surprised her with it one morning. Yeah. . .good day.

She said yes.

"No," she says suddenly, puts the mug on the bathroom counter.

He places the pills beside it, regards her a moment. "No?"

"I'm not going."

"What? Kate-"

"I'm not going. It's not right without you; it's just. . .not right. Not how it's supposed to go."

He comes to her, cups her elbows as she stands in the middle of their bathroom in nothing but her underwear. "Kate, honey. You need answers, and he's got them."

"I don't need answers," she says quietly. "I only want them. Very badly."

He huffs at that. "This case is-"

"Just a case," she finishes. "And yeah, it's tangled up with me. It's personal. But in the end, it's a case, and it's not you, it's not my kids, it's not me anymore, and I'm not going."

He tugs on her elbows, pulls her against his chest. She doesn't resist, comes right into him with a slow breath out.

"Kate, please think about this. It's two in the morning and we're both working on minimal sleep-"

"I'm exhausted. I am so tired, Rick."

He nods, throat closing up, and moves his palm to the back of her neck. "I know you are."

"I'm tired of chasing after smoke. This isn't my mom - and I won't get her back doing this. If anything, she's further from me than ever - the more wrapped up I get, the more I sacrifice, the less I have for my family."

"Okay," he says slowly. "But, Kate. . .it's one Sunday. One Sunday out of them all. . ."

"Not this Sunday," she says back, sounding awake now, sounding determined. Sounding like Beckett again, and not like the lost little girl he saw yesterday in his foyer, rocking their daughter in her lap like she couldn't wake up from a nightmare.

"Kate. What about Montgomery? He's been family. Our family. I know you have things you need to say to him, things he needs to hear."

"But not this Sunday. I've been depending on you to draw the line for me, but this time, I've got to do it. I'm drawing it here."

He strokes his thumbs at the back of her arms, meets her gaze. "Jordan Shaw's in DC setting up this meeting, Kate. What do you want to do here?"

"I'll text her now, let her know I won't make it. Maybe I get a chance some other day with Montgomery, maybe I never do." She swallows hard at that, but she's still certain, still determined Beckett. "And if I never do, I can live with that."

"Can you?"

"Yes," she says quietly, soft but strong. "Because someday, Castle, I will get those answers. We will get those answers. But not at the cost of my family, myself. You."

He slides his arm around her back and brings her against him, breathing softly at her hairline, hoping it's the truth, for her sake.

"Okay. DC is off."


	97. Chapter 97

She sleeps hard, deeply, wakes at six to feel Castle stirring beside her, can barely open her eyes. He's getting out of bed and she makes a noise in question, and Castle fumbles a hand back for her, patting her shoulder.

Kate rolls over into the impression his body has made in the mattress, soaks up the heat, coasting on the edges of a dream as she tries to stay awake. The bed dips, jostling her, and her eyes fly open to see Castle sliding back between the sheets.

"Scoot. You're on my side," he mutters.

She can't make her limbs coordinate with her brain and she lies there, blinking at him, warm and confused and-

"Kate," he says, his fingers brushing her temple lightly. "What day is it?"

What?

"I'm supposed to check for a concussion, remember? What day is it?"

"Why are you so awake?" she rasps.

A grin flickers across his face. "Someone woke me at two this morning."

"Dash?"

"No," he laughs. "You. Now either you're just tired and confused or you're concussed and confused."

"I'm tired," she sighs, lids drooping.

"Then answer my questions. What day is it?"

"Sat - Sunday," she murmurs, uncurling her fingers from beneath her chin to tangle with his.

"Do you know what happened to you?"

"I got shot, Castle. I'm tired; let me - oh shit. I have to call Jordan." She jerks upright, swaying at the sudden change in altitude, blinking away the last of her confusion. "I texted her at two this morning, and that's so unprofessional - I have to call her."

Castle is still leaning against the headboard, and she gives him a quick kiss in apology as she reaches past him for her phone. Having it over here was supposed to keep her alert after the alarm went off, but if she remembers right, Castle had to wake her anyway.

"Morning," she murmurs, glancing back at him as she calls.

He's touching his face gingerly with two fingers, wincing every now and then as he hits a tender spot. Kate listens to the phone ring down the line and reaches out to knock Castle's hand away, frowning at him. She eases her fingers over his cheekbone, feels the heat of the swollen flesh.

"Did you take anything?" she murmurs.

He nods. "What I got up for. And to see if you're concussed."

"I pass?"

"Not sure yet."

She smiles softly at him and then the FBI agent picks up.

"Detective Beckett."

"Jordan, I wanted to explain why I bailed on you," she says by way of introduction. "It was entirely unprofessional of me. But Sundays are - sacrosanct. Time for my family, and I-"

"Think nothing of it. You have to stick to your decisions when it comes to your family. Believe me, I do understand. I just didn't want you to miss your chance."

"Whatever the FBI needs to take this to trial," she says firmly, taking a breath in. "I'm here. Castle is here-"

He reaches out and skims his palm up her arm, nodding.

"We will do whatever you ask, Jordan. And hopefully soon, or eventually, I'll have a chance to talk to Roy."

"Just not today," Jordan answers. "I know. Detective, don't worry about it. Because I'm still heading over there."

"You - are?" She pauses, catches Castle's gaze on her.

"It won't be as effective, me coming to Captain Montgomery, as it would be with you there, but I'll see what I can get from him. The WitSec guys aren't giving me any names, but if I tell your former Captain it's for you, then maybe he will."

"Oh, Jordan. I can't ask you to-"

"Meeting's already set-up, Kate." Jordan's voice is quiet on the phone, certain. "He seemed willing to talk - or so WitSec told me. And the FBI is gearing up for big-time fallout, so it has to be something major. Someone high-ranking. Anything Montgomery tells me, you'll be first to know."

"Thank you," she breathes out.

"You owe me one."

"You got it." Kate hangs up and lowers her phone to her lap, feels breathless. "Jordan's still taking the meeting."

"Wow."

She nods, her eyes tracing the bruises on her husband's face, the line over his eyebrow where the shrapnel from a coffee mug hit him, and she knows without a doubt that her decision was the right one. Even if all this happens without her, even then. It's time for the FBI and WitSec to handle this, just like Roy Montgomery wants, like he hinted to them back at Rick's bar. He wants this out of Kate's hands, and she thinks now that maybe that's been the best idea Roy has ever had.

"Kate."

She swallows and waits for it, censure or sympathy, she has no idea.

"One question."

She nods.

"Do you know where you are?"

For half a second, she thinks it's some deep, metaphysical question he's asking her, and then she realizes. And has to laugh.

"I know where I am," she replies. "I'm not concussed. I'm home. Where I belong."

* * *

She lies in bed pressed into his side, his fingers tracing up and down her shoulder. In the warm and pre-dawn dark, his body is soothing against hers.

"Injury prone couple of weeks," he murmurs.

She flexes her fingers and spreads her hand out over his sternum. "Yeah. But here we are."

"Just glad our luck didn't extend to the kids," he laughs.

She knocks her knee into his thigh. "Hush your mouth. You say that and then-"

"You're worse than my mother. So superstitious."

"Maybe so," she concedes. "No worse than _you_, though."

"Eh, could be true," he murmurs, and then shifts against her, slipping down farther in the bed, snuggling up at her chest. She laughs and lets him arrange them how he likes, her arms up and waiting until he's settled before she embraces him.

"Better?"

"Much," he sighs. "Though it makes my face hurt."

He doesn't move though, so it must not be that bad. "We'll ice it down in a few minutes."

"Good idea," he murmurs. "But stay like this."

"Wasn't planning on moving."

Their morning opens up into quiet, the sparse Sunday traffic below, the sound of his breathing, the shift of her leg through the sheets. Sleep is tantalizingly close, but she can't manage to fall off. By the way his finger stroke aimlessly over her hip, he hasn't either.

"Kate, I can't help but think this was it," he says softly, but he doesn't lift his head, just stays where he is against her.

"I know," she says quietly. She's had the same feeling.

"I talked to him face to face, that night at the bar, and he was completely unwilling to tell me anything. He said he didn't want to get us in the middle of it. I guess going to the FBI was him trying to keep us out o fit. But now that we are in it-"

"I think that's why he seems to be so agreeable to meeting me," she says softly. "He'll tell me if only to keep me out of it. And Jordan said someone was pushing it through. Someone else knows, wants him to tell me."

"I don't think you're gonna have a better opportunity to finally get some answers - unless there's a trial."

"If Montgomery really is turning federal witness, then some day soon, I have to believe, we'll know the reasons. Because there's a trial or. . ." She lifts her eyes to the ceiling and takes another long breath. "We'll know why. There will be justice."

Castle is silent to that. Because he knows her too well, because it can keep on going unsaid between them, what she's giving up. There will be justice, yes, but-

_It won't be today._

__And it might not be at her hand.

* * *

Castle sits still and lets Kate press the washcloth to his cheekbone. He closes his eyes and revels in the cold, a sigh escaping.

Her fingers stroke through the hair at his forehead, brushing it back, restyling it, and he can't help leaning into her touch.

"I'm glad we had kids," he sighs.

She laughs softly, and her cool fingers grace his jaw. "Oh?"

"You're a good mom."

"Castle, are _you_ concussed?"

He hums back - the best he can do since smiling or laughing makes his cheeks hurt. "No, I mean. This feels good."

She comes in closer, presses the uninjured side of his face to her ribs, cradling his head as she ices his cheek. He hooks his arm around her, lets her bear his weight. The kitchen is still dark with early morning light; neither of them could get back to sleep and church isn't for hours yet.

They both ache from yesterday, feeling the battle.

Her lips brush his forehead and her body is warm and while he couldn't fall asleep exactly, he could go on indefinitely like this. She shifts the ice on his face to press a little against his nose and he draws deeper into her side, wrapping both arms around her waist.

She chuckles, her fingers drawing designs over his arm, her body a cove around him. "See? This is much better than being in DC."

"If you say so," he murmurs back. "A clingy, half-asleep, bruised old man is dragging you down and you think this is-"

"Hush," she laughs, her mouth at his hairline. "You're insulting my man."

"Oh yeah?" he says, but a smile is pulling at his lips.

"Uh-huh. So knock it off."

"Sure, sure." He sighs again and straightens up, catching the ice pack before it drops, getting a good look at her. Soft and tender, caring, loving - a hint of amusement and spice in there too. "Still. You know you could've gone. Right? I-"

"I know." She says it simply, adds nothing else, no explanation. He thinks he understands why, but he's not sure.

"If you-"

"Castle," she chides gently, her fingers stroking across his forehead before pushing him back to look at her. He winces at the movement.

She sighs at him, shaking her head, and moves to sit beside him at the bar, giving him the ice pack, her knees tangling with his.

"Look, from the word _go_ this case has been dictating our every move, setting its own breakneck pace, and we've followed after it like dogs around the track. Raglan was shot, and everything just tumbled out of control-"

She shrugs and gestures, somewhere in the distance, but he gets it.

"And this friend of Montgomery's - the dead drop - more of the same," he adds. "Someone else with the reins, someone else in control."

"Well, no more of that. My life. Our life. I won't be jerked around by anyone else. Not Montgomery. Not his shadowy friend. Not by whoever is behind all this."

"Mom?"

Castle turns at the sound and sees Dashiell at the top of the stairs, hair flattened on one side, his hand on the railing. "Hey, buddy. Morning."

"Morning. You got ice. Your face hurts?" Dashiell starts jerkily down the stairs, blinking away sleep, and Kate's already heading for him, meeting him at the bottom with a hug, picking him up.

"Yeah. It does. But it's getting better." Castle removes the ice pack and dumps it in the sink, stands up to move around the island for the stove. "Want eggs this morning?"

"Yeah, and toast." Dashiell is snuggling down into Kate as she carries him awkwardly back to the kitchen, his long body draped across hers. "And nutella."

"Getting big, my man," Kate laughs, settling down with him at the bar stool, tucking him into her. "Sleep well?"

"I just woke up. I can have nutella on toast?"

"Sure. I'm glad you got some good sleep," she murmurs. Castle snaps out of his daze and goes for the eggs, starts getting things together for breakfast. He half-listens to their conversation behind him, grateful for the morning in a suddenly sharp and unexpected way.

He's just plating up Dashiell's eggs when they hear Kate's phone ring from the bedroom. She startles and her hands curl on their son's back, but Castle waves her off.

"I got it. Stay." He drops the plate in front of them and heads for the bedroom, moving a little faster when it rings for a third time.

It's not a number he recognizes, but he answers anyway. "Beckett's phone."

"Who is - Castle?"

He frowns, the voice familiar, but he can't place it, not against the backdrop of sirens, police radios. "This is Castle. Who is this?"

"Agent Avery. I'm sorry for the call, like this-"

"Avery, what's going on?" Castle jogs back down the hallway, a pit opening up in his stomach; he can hear instructions being given, the sounds of commotion, yelling, the flare of sirens. Kate's eyes meet his across the living room.

"We've had an incident. Agent Shaw has been shot. She was-"

"What? How? When did this-"

"We were taking custody of a federal witness, gunfire erupted-"

"Oh God."

"There was an ambush at our location-"

"Castle?" Kate is dumping Dashiell off her lap and onto the bar stool, coming for him.

"Is she-"

"We don't know; she's still in surgery. A lot of wounded. But I called because - Captain Montgomery is dead."

The blood rushes out of his head.

"And his wife, as well. They were the first to go down."

Kate reaches him, takes the phone from his nerveless fingers.

"Kate," he rasps, too slow to grab it back.

"This is Beckett." She's pressed the phone to her ear, the fingers of her free hand tangling with his to keep him from taking it away.

He tries. He tries to tell her first. "Kate. Montgomery-"

Her face washes out; her knees drop.

He just manages to catch her.

Montgomery and his wife are dead.


	98. Chapter 98

Kate sits on the couch in his study, her fingers still trembling, and scrapes her hands through her hair one more time. Like she can rearrange something and get everything back the way it's supposed to go.

"And where-" She clears her throat and tries again, pressing the phone to her ear. "And where have their bodies been sent?"

Avery passed her off to the WitSec agent in charge of the Montgomery family. She understands - he's busy with the investigation into the shooting (_God, _another damn sniper), and she's trying to figure out if they can even have a funeral.

"There's some confusion here, as you can imagine. Agent Avery has been taken to the hospital; he shouldn't have called you."

"Avery was. . .shot?"

"Yes, ma'am. He shouldn't have told you-"

"Where are you putting their bodies?" she growls. One thing at a time.

Jordan was shot. Avery was _shot._

She _just_ got Lockwood. Yesterday. She just ended it and all they did was replace him. One killer for another.

They. Him. Whoever this is that continues to murder her family without remorse, without pause.

"Ma'am, while the Montgomery adult children still remain in custody, our only option-"

"Will they be allowed to attend the funeral?" she asks, horror washing over her. Their parents are dead, gunned down, and they can't even-

"No, ma'am. Not as of right now."

"Can we - is there a way to keep it - I don't know. Can we not somehow get them to the funeral?"

"No, ma'am. It's best that we have the funeral as soon as possible, and for their safety, they should not attend."

She closes her eyes at the press of tears, struggles to get her voice even again. "The captain's will be a burial with honors, and Evelyn's. . .plot is right beside him, so when-"

"I will email you the flight number, but Ms. Beckett-"

"Detective," she says. "Detective Beckett. He was my captain."

"My apologies, ma'am. But I'm on the flight in custody of their bodies, and I will work in coordination with the funeral home and the NYPD's director of Family Services. There's nothing for you to do; we've got it covered."

Castle comes into the study; she holds her hand out for him and he takes it, pulls her up out of the couch and into his arms. "You've. . .there's nothing I can do?"

"I will email you the flight number. You will be the first person I call when everything is arranged."

"Thank you, Agent Mitchell," she says quietly, then moves the phone so she can see the screen, presses her thumb down to end the call.

Castle's head bows to hers; she can feel it rising in him as well.

"Evan and the girls won't even get to come to their parents' funeral," she whispers. "I should've been there. This morning. I should've-"

"You weren't," he gets out, squeezing her harder.

"If I had, maybe I'd have seen. . .something. Maybe they wouldn't have been out in the open. They were supposed to meet me-"

"Kate," he groans, his voice raw at her ear. "Kate, stop. It was some last minute change of location, Avery said. Just-"

"But if I'd been there. . .they weren't supposed to be at the Washington monument. We were meeting inside the Library of Congress building and I-"

"Kate, if you'd been there, you'd be dead."

She stops, her breath rattling in her chest, and she clutches him tighter. She'd be. . .dead.

"You wouldn't have been able to _save_ them, Kate. God, you'd have been shot along with Jordan and the rest of them. He's cleaning up, leaving no witnesses, no one to possibly trace back to him. It was a damn massacre."

Everyone associated with this case is dead.

* * *

"There's nothing I can do," she rasps, feels her throat closing up. She blinks and tilts her head back; Dashiell wriggles closer. She glances down at him. "Hey, baby, I'm okay."

"Uncle Mo died?" Ellery says again from the circle of Castle's arms. Remy's is crowded even at eight o'clock, and they're squeezed into the booth, breakfast untouched before them.

Kevin shifts in his seat, glances to Esposito. Neither of them look very good.

"Uncle Mo died," Castle says finally. "And. . .and Aunt Evie."

Kate presses her fingers into her eyes, swallows hard. Meeting up with the boys in public was a bad idea. Bad, bad idea. She hears Lanie murmuring to Espo beside her, and her heart flutters strangely.

"And Jordan-" Kevin starts.

"She's out of surgery," Castle answers. Kate can hear the gravel in his voice, the way the words catch as he tries to push them out. "We don't know about Avery yet."

Dashiell worms closer, then gives up all pretense and climbs into her lap. She lets out a long breath and wraps her arms around him, buries her nose in the top of his head. He finished his eggs this morning, so he's probably not hungry anyway, and she really, really needed that.

"Mitchell is going to call us back," she says finally, turns her head to look at Espo. He's bowed forward, practically growling into his plate. Lanie meets her eyes over his back and they share a dismal look. "Whenever he gets in."

"If you went there to-" Castle starts again.

"Castle," she bites out, snapping her head to him. "There's nothing I can do."

Except escort the bodies home. She sucks in a ragged breath.

"Evan and his sisters aren't even in the city," she says again. "They aren't even here to-"

She shakes her head and feels Lanie's fingertips at her shoulder, the quick press of Espo's knee into hers in comfort. Her friends. She gives them both a grateful look, squeezes the back of Dashiell's neck even as he pulls away.

She lets him go, watches him slide to the seat beside her, mashed up against the wall. He drags his fork through the syrup, the heaviness over their table unable to be lifted.

"Uncle Mo died?" Ellery says again.

Kate presses her lips together and lifts her eyes to her daughter. "Yes. Uncle Mo died, Ellery. He's in heaven with Aunt Evie, and we're sad because we won't see him anymore."

"Oh," she breathes out. Her little face screws up, her head pressed back against Castle's chest, and then she smiles. "But that's okay. Mommom can take care of them."

Something breaks in Kate's chest and she shoves on Esposito, pushes her friends out of the booth, moves, trips, climbs over them and out.

She escapes to the bathroom to cry.

* * *

Ella's trembling with hurt feelings, her face crushed against his neck, and now he's got two Becketts who won't cry but should. Still he's got to comfort his daughter first and let Kate fend for herself.

Dash seems to be processing everything, or else just taking his sweet time to fall apart, but thankfully Ryan is talking quietly to him across the table while Esposito and Lanie fiercely whisper together.

He slowly strokes his fingers through Ella's hair until she stops trembling. She hasn't lifted her face from the hiding place of his neck, but he brushes a kiss at her cheek and starts to talk.

The Beckett women are always taken in by his words.

"Ellery, you are a sweet girl to try to make Mommy feel better. We're all sad today because our two friends died."

Her shoulders hunch up, but he keeps smoothing circles into her back, knowing that her resistance is much like Kate's - surface mainly, and for show until she can get herself together.

"We're going to miss Uncle Mo and Aunt Evie. They were family, and we loved them." He feels his voice getting rough as he speaks, the sense of loss welling up in him, black and deep. "They were our family, Ella, and even though we want to not be sad, it's okay to be sad."

"They not come back?" Ellery says, her words a mumble with her face still against him.

"No, baby girl. No. They don't come back."

Her little arms wrap around his neck. "Mommy come back?"

"Yeah, of course. Mom just didn't want to cry in front of all the people here. You know how that feels, right? Like you feel right now. So she had to leave before it all came spilling out."

Ella is nodding her head against him, the movement changing from simple agreement to self-soothing as she continues. He combs his fingers through her hair, gently untangling it, gathering it into a pony tail at the back of her neck with his hand. Her little body eases down into him, tension beginning to melt away.

"Rick."

He glances up at Kate's voice, sees her standing at the table now, one hand scraping her hair back, the stitches vivid and brutal at her temple. Ellery shifts in his arms and leans for her, wordless and needy.

Kate shudders out a sigh and takes her, so Castle scoots over and lets her sit with him on this side, Ryan at his other shoulder. Ellery cuddles into her mother, and Castle catches Kate still swiping at her cheeks. He snags her hand, tangles their fingers, but keeps his mouth shut.

Lanie reaches across the table and closes her hand over theirs, squeezes. "We're gonna go. You'll call when the arrangements-?"

"Of course," Kate answers, nodding at her friend. She rises with them, hugging Lanie awkwardly around both Ellery and the baby bump, and beside him, Ryan shifts.

"You leaving?" Castle says, sliding out of the booth even before he gets his answer.

Ryan nods. "We have mass and the boys will be up. I've got to tell them the news."

"Thanks for coming," he says quietly, hugging Kevin briefly even as Dashiell scrambles out of the booth and wraps his arms around his uncle as well.

"Yeah, just. . .let me know what I can do, Castle. Anything. Like you said - he's still family."

Castle nods and turns to clap Espo on the back, kisses Lanie's cheek, murmurs his good-byes as their friends leave Remy's. Kate stands in the aisle with Ella in her arms, looking out after them.

She turns and her eyes are so dark, so much grief in them. "If I'd been there-"

He shakes his head sharply, once, grips her arm. "No."

She averts her eyes, tears forming again. Ellery leans in and kisses her on the mouth, little hands at her cheeks.

"Okay to be sad, Mommy."

"Yeah," Kate says, nodding, her eyes tumbling back down to Ellery's. "Yeah, it is. And I'm pretty sad."

* * *

For their family, church is subdued but soothing. Dropping the kids off at their classes, letting them have that routine of play time and worship and friends helps to keep the day normal. After yesterday, and then the news about the shooting, Kate wants to keep their worlds as even-keeled as possible.

They take the subway home, Ella in her lap, Dash in Castle's, and the rocking motion keeps dragging her thoughts away. She feels body-less and curiously weighed down at the same time.

She lets Ellery play with her phone, watching stored videos from Sesame Street, and Dashiell is making his way through Angry Birds Star Wars on Castle's iphone. The kids are still quiet, no doubt picking up on their parents' mood, but it gives Kate all too much time to think.

The last of her answers died with Montgomery, and while that haunts her, while it really does fester, the greatest wound is the loss of her friend, her mentor, her second father. He was a grandfather to her kids, to the Ryans, and now he's-

No more.

Because of this case.

Everyone associated with her mother's case is dead.

Kate closes her eyes and tilts her head back, willing herself not cry.

And then Castle is taking back his phone and shifting Dashiell into his seat. He stands up, but it's not their stop.

"Rick?"

"I'm switching lines," he says, a hand reaching up to brace himself as the subway begins to slow into the station.

"Why?" She feels Dashiell leaning into her side, watching Ella's screen.

"Because we need to check the dead drop. I'll leave a note, let him know what's happened. He's the last person left alive that knows anything about this, Kate."

_He's the last person left alive._

"Castle-"

"You've got to see about the funeral," he says quietly, a strength in his voice that keeps her in her seat. "Take the kids home. I'll call you when I get there."

The subway train makes a jerky stop and they sway with it, but Castle is already moving for the doors.

"Rick."

He turns away from her, and the doors swish open.

"I love you," she says to his departing back.


	99. Chapter 99

He composes the note on the subway ride, touching the pen to paper and making it permanent.

_Despite your so-called protection, Captain Montgomery and his wife are dead. The reign of secrets and lies and mystery men like yourself is over. The time has come for the truth. _

Castle gets off near the river and walks down the sidewalk, not turning his head to the left or right, keeping his eyes straight ahead. Whatever happens, this is over now. No more meetings with clandestine informants, no more running after shadows. Kate was right - it's time they took control of this.

It's all the same as it was a few days ago - the storage containers, the grimy warehouse windows, the ominous boat hook used as a pulley beside the gate. Below that, the rusted tackle box, empty.

He puts the note inside and closes the lid.

They're done. He won't come back. She won't come back. They do this without secrets. No more blackmail. No more pandering to men in the shadows. That was the old world, the old way of doing things - and it's only led to death.

He pulls out his phone as he walks, hears her breathless answer.

"Castle?"

"We're done with it," he says quietly. "I left him a note in the box. We're done, Kate. You were right, when Raglan called, to ignore him."

"What do you mean?"

"I never should've dragged open your mom's case to begin with. Nine years ago. At the beginning of all of this. It's my fault we're back to this, and I did it again, going to meet Raglan. You'd think I'd learn-"

"Castle, no. No. I told you-"

"We're done. We're out. We're not falling through the stairs, Kate."

"Castle," she whispers.

He feels his throat close up. "Montgomery and his wife are dead. He made it all this time - walking a thin wire, balancing it all - the terrible things he did and the ways he tried to make amends. And it didn't matter."

"I think it mattered."

"But he still died. They still got him, Kate. I don't want that to happen to us."

"It won't," she says clearly, her voice strong. "It won't happen to us."

"I made sure it won't. It's over. We're not coming back here."

"Okay, Castle. Just-"

"I love you," he says quietly, already heading down the stairs towards the subway. This was the right thing to do, the right thing for them. "And that's why I had to do this."

"I love you too. Are you okay? I don't love that you're down there alone."

"Neither of us needs to be down here, Kate. Not anymore. We'll get answers our own way." She saw that at the beginning; she tried to warn him. And he didn't listen. He thought he could handle it; he thought that no evil could touch them. But that's not true.

"Okay, Rick," she says softly. "Just come home."

"I'm getting on the subway now."

He hears her sigh of relief and realizes, a little shamefully, she's been worried - and maybe about his sanity.

"We're okay," he says to her, hearing the static of his phone losing reception. "I'm okay. I've got to let you go, Kate."

"Just come home."

* * *

When the key scrapes in the lock, Kate untangles herself from Ellery on the living room floor and stands in time to see Castle push open the door.

She can't catch her breath for a strange moment, staring at him as he walks into the entry, his battered face and his wide hands and the hang of his coat from his shoulders.

"Hey, Daddy. We playing spies," Ellery says, breaking the spell and running for her father. Castle catches her and lifts her up, kissing her cheeks.

"Hey, cricket. Are you making your coded message?"

"Yup. Dashy make one too."

"Good job." He lowers Ella back to the floor and she skips back for her markers and paper spread out over the coffee table.

Kate finally unsticks her feet and comes to him, wraps her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed against the cold material of his coat. He hugs her back, a kiss glancing off her forehead, but his palms are warm at her shoulder blades.

"Castle."

"It's done now. We won't go back. If he wants to talk to us, he can come find us."

She nods into his embrace, finally unclaws her fingers from his coat, steps away. "Okay. But maybe next time you make a decision, you could tell me first? Before just hopping onto another line."

He flushes and his mouth drops open, but she's already shaking her head.

"Not mad. Just - you freaked me out a little, ditching us in the subway, after everything that's happened today."

"I - didn't think."

"It's okay. I'm not mad."

Castle catches her around the shoulders and draws her against him once more, his grip a little brutal. "Sorry. I'm sorry-"

"No, Castle. It's okay." She struggles out of his grasp and runs her hand down his chest, soothing, tugs him by the belt towards the living room. "Come play-"

"Dad! Hey, cool. You can help me with my message." Dashiell is calling him from the top of the stairs, waving a piece of orange construction paper. "I got stuck."

Kate can't help the smile splitting her face and she turns back to Castle, raising an eyebrow. His shoulders ease and he begins to shed his coat.

"Yeah, buddy. I'll come up and help."

Kate lifts on her toes and kisses him quickly, a taste of cool lips, and brushes his cheek with her fingertips. "Come downstairs when you can convince our master spy. We need a dogpile, stat."

He gives her a flickering grin, faint but still there, and nods back. "Yeah. We do."

"Oh, and? I told Ella she could cuddle with her lizard."

"Oh gross."

* * *

The dogpile falls apart a little, but it's still nice. The couch won't hold everyone comfortably anymore (Castle makes a mental note to look for deeper, wider couches), so they pile blankets and pillows on the floor and make a tent out of a few bedsheets when the kids get excited about it.

They continue to play spies, writing messages and hiding them around the apartment, but now they do it crawling around through the tent while Totoro plays on the television. Castle sneaks Kate up to the couch and they lay curled together, the dog intent on huddling with them too. Rex huffs at them whenever they move.

"He's lying all over my legs," Kate laughs. "Like Dash used to do when he was a toddler."

Castle reaches past Kate's back to pet the dog, feels her grunt against his chest.

"I gotta move," she groans.

"Getting old, babe."

"No, just getting hot."

"You've always been hot."

She gives him a roll of her eyes as she adjusts, Rex looking a little indignant as his pillow moves, so much so that he finally drops to the floor and settles down there. Kate sits up at Castle's hip, her back against the couch, her knees pressing into his thigh and then she arranges herself at his chest again.

"You okay there," he murmurs, not really a question. If she feels like him, the whole day is surreal. His thoughts are mundane enough, daily life, until suddenly they catch on the exposed wound of the Montgomerys' death, and then it makes his chest collapse.

"No," she sighs in answer.

"Yeah."

Dashiell gets tired of the game first, comes crawling through the tent and to his dog's side, drops down on top of Rex, his cheek against fur.

"Oh, well maybe Rex is learning his dogpile habits from our son," Kate mutters. "Dash, don't crush your dog."

"I'm not."

"Hey, where him go?" Ellery calls out and then appears from behind a sheet with a marker in her fist. "Oh, here you are. Why you not play?"

"I'm too sad to play anymore."

"Why?"

Castle feels Kate tense against him, but he clutches her arm to keep her out of it. He wants to hear how the kids talk about this.

"Because Uncle Mo died."

"Oh. Him died."

"Stop talking like a baby," Dash mutters.

Kate moves like she's going to say something, but Castle shakes his head.

Ellery squats down next to Dashiell and his dog, lifts her fingers to Rex's snout and gets her hand licked for it. "He died, but he go to heaven, Dashy?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Ellery sits on the floor, still giving her brother confused looks.

"Yeah." Dash lets out a long breath and then his dog does too, the pair of them echoing each other's feelings. "Watch your movie, Ellie."

"Okay. Daddy, can I come up?"

"Of course," Castle answers immediately, lifting his hand from Kate and holding it out to Ellery.

"Can I be a squirmy wormy in the middle?"

"That too," Kate smiles softly. "You sad, baby girl?"

"No." Ellery lifts a foot and then plants it on her brother's back, pushes up.

"Ella. Don't step on your brother-"

"But you're sad, Mommy?"

"Yeah. I'm sad." Kate huffs as Ella climbs up the couch, starts wriggling her way between them. "But Dash is not your tree, little monkey."

"He in my way."

Castle grunts, trying to keep back his laugh, wraps his arm around Ellery's little body as she worms down into his chest. "You could ask him to move next time."

"It didn't hurt," Dash says indignantly. "And she does it all the time. She always climbs me."

"Ellery. You might hurt your brother-"

"Him not hurt."

Kate sighs and presses her forehead to Castle's chest. "I can't do this today."

"So don't," Castle murmurs back, reaching up to stroke the hair back from her stitches, his fingers light. "Just leave it."

Kate turns her head to look at Ellery, the two of them nose to nose on his chest. He watches his wife lean in and kiss their daughter, a quick peck of lips, and then Kate wrinkles her nose.

"Baby girl, where is Abe Lincoln?"

Castle goes still.

"I don't know. Him on a spy mission."

Oh jeez.

* * *

Kate makes Castle field the call from the funeral home while she keeps searching for Abe Lincoln with the kids. Dashiell is doing more complaining than actual helping, but Ellery is beginning to get nervous.

"Where him go, Mommy?"

"Baby, this is why you're supposed to keep up with him. He likes to hide."

"I like to hide."

"Yes, you do. So help me think of a place he might hide."

"Kate?"

She turns her head as Castle calls her from the doorway of the study. He gestures for her, so she nudges Ellery with her knee towards the kitchen. "Go look in the pantry again."

She makes her way towards Castle and hears just snatches of his conversation with the funeral director. Something about the caskets. When she approaches, he pulls the phone away.

"Closed caskets, babe. They can't - not a good idea to leave them open."

She presses her lips together, battles back that rush of panicky grief that climbs her ribs. "Okay," she nods once, unable to get anything else out.

He reaches out and squeezes her arm, turns back around for the study, his mouth to the phone. "Closed casket will be fine."

She tilts her head back, gulping air, and wants, suddenly and inexplicably, to go crawl into her mother's bed and cry.

But her mom's not here.

Because of all this.

Kate stumbles back, pushes away from the study, barely manages to avoid tripping over Dashiell and his dog on the floor, and seeks an escape.

Ellery has her head in the pantry, softly calling for her lizard like it's a kitten, so Kate turns blindly for the short hall past the fireplace, heading for the laundry room.

She closes the door after herself and leans her forearms onto the dryer, drops her head to the cool metal, and takes a deep breath.

Oh, it smells like her mom's clean clothes.

Tears are thick in her eyes, pressing out, but she won't let go. Instead she straightens up, opens the cabinet door that houses their dryer sheets and laundry detergent and she lets the scent wash over her.

Home.

Kate turns around and hops up on the dryer, leans her head back against the frame of the cabinet and closes her eyes.

_Deep breaths, Katie._

She was nineteen when everything broke. She's not nineteen any longer; she has so much now. So much. But her mother's face still eludes her sometimes.

With the scent of laundry enveloping her, at this very moment, Kate can see behind her closed lids the crooked squint of her mother's eyes as she smiled, just that, only that - just the lines of her mother's pride.

It's enough.

Commotion in the kitchen makes her open her eyes. Dashiell probably - hunting for a snack. She slowly slides off the dryer, closes the cabinet, and then moves for the door of the laundry room. She puts her hand on the knob and takes a last, scent-rich breath.

And then she sees it.

"Ellery!" she calls out, pulling open the door and swooping down. "I found Abe Lincoln."

"Oh, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! I love you!"


	100. Chapter 100

Castle sits in the back of the limo cuddling his daughter. Ellery's thin arms tighten around his neck and he rubs a hand down her back, smoothing out her dress. "You ready to go?"

"All them people is sad."

"Yeah, we're all sad." He nuzzles her cheek, his mouth at her ear. "But Mommy and Dash are already outside, sweet girl."

"At him grave."

"At their graves, yes, baby." He strokes his fingers through her hair until her arms loosen a little bit. "I can carry you the whole time. I won't put you down."

She wriggles against him and sighs. "Okay, Daddy."

"Okay, good, good. My brave little bug." He tugs on the door handle and slides out of the car, Ellery clinging to him. Yesterday she was fine, today she doesn't seem to know how to handle it - and he wonders if it's just the sheer amount of grieving people, if it overwhelms her.

Castle shuts the door quietly and carries Ella towards the tight cluster of mourners just beginning to find their seats. Kate and Dashiell are standing near the back, Kate's fingers combing through their son's hair, the skirt of her black dress fluttering in the wind.

Dashiell got all his sighs and drama out last night, cuddling with his parents, petting his dog, and he stands like a solemn little statue beside Kate, so stiff, formal, such the little man.

"Daddy, it's cold."

He tightens his arms around Ella and kisses her cheek, joining Kate. She gives him a strained smile, lifts a hand to Ellery's back.

Just then a man comes up to them, dark suit, glasses, hand extended. "Excuse me, Detective Beckett?"

Kate turns, an eyebrow lifting. "Yes?"

"I'm Agent Mitchell-"

"Oh, Agent Mitchell," she sighs, shaking his hand. "Good to meet you in person. This is my husband, Richard Castle - you talked to him-"

"Ah, yes, Mr. Castle."

He shakes the man's hand and Ellery turns to look, her arm hooked around his neck.

"I just wanted to let you both know. We've increased our presence in the area, have a couple of cars posted, and agents here on the grounds-"

Kate makes a noise beside him-

"I've worked it out so that the Montgomery children can attend."

"Oh, thank you," Kate sighs, pressing a hand to her forehead, then covering her mouth. Her eyes turn to Castle's and he reaches out, grips her hand.

"Thank you, Agent Mitchell," he says. "Thank you for making this happen."

Agent Mitchell nods, slipping his phone out of his pocket and surreptitiously checking it. "They're on the approach right now. I've got to go."

Ellery leans back from Castle's embrace, her arms out for her mother. Kate takes her, cuddling Ella close to her chest, and Castle shakes the agent's hand.

At least Evan and the girls will be able to say good-bye.

* * *

Kate puts her nose into Ellery's neck, breathes in the scent of her little girl - baby shampoo and lavender bubble bath and the wool of her dark grey dress. Ella doesn't understand the ceremony, the people gathered, and Kate lets her stay hunched into her mother, huddled up at her chest, right over her heart.

Dashiell leans his head against her shoulder and she reaches over, strokes through his hair in comfort, and then Castle takes him by the back of the neck, tugs their son into his own lap, the empty chair between them.

Kate wraps her arm around Ellery again, hums softly as the funeral begins. The day is brilliantly blue, the sky wide open just past the minister. Evan sits on the front row with his fiancee, their hands clasped, but his other hand is around his sister, Mary. The other daughter, Rebecca, lists into her sister's side, youngest to oldest in a row.

Kate's glad she can't see their faces, grateful that Ellery is so needy, that the harsh glare of winter sunlight requires sunglasses this morning. Just like Ella hides in her neck, Kate is hiding behind her shades, letting her little girl be her shield.

Evan shifts in his seat and rubs the back of his neck, then leans over, elbows on his knees, and it makes Kate close her eyes, her heart thrumming in her chest. She feels Castle's palm heavy on her shoulder and turns his head to look at him.

He gives her a sad smile, everything in his eyes, and she untangles her hand from Ellery's hair and reaches over Dashiell's head for her husband, makes a fist in his suit jacket and hangs on.

Castle catches her fingers and draws them to his lips, kisses her softly, and then scoots down to sit at her side, no empty chairs between them.

* * *

"Daddy, you." Ellery's hands reach for him as they file out, so Castle takes her back from Kate, steadying his daughter as she wraps her arms around his neck. She kisses his cheek and gives him a pouty look under her lashes; he smiles back at her, knows it's a little weak.

Kate's hand squeezes his elbow, slides along his forearm. "I should say something to Evan."

He nods, lifts an eyebrow. "Should I-?"

"No. It's okay. Take Ella to the car; meet you there. Dash, baby, you-"

"I want to go with you," Dashiell mourns, butting his head into her hip.

"Okay, okay. You can come with me. Rick?"

"Sure, I've got her."

He turns back for the limo, but Kate squeezes his forearm, stills him long enough to kiss his cheek. He gives her a look for that, but she just shrugs him off and heads for Evan and the girls.

"Come on, baby girl. Let's-"

"Mr. Castle?"

A man is approaching slowly, hair dashed with salt and pepper, a well-tailored suit, his coat thrown over his arm in deference to the sunshine. He holds out a hand but Castle tightens his grip on Ellery.

"Do I know you?" he asks, pressing his hand into Ella's back.

"Under different circumstances." The older man's lips thin in something approximating a smile. "Name's Smith."

"Smith."

"I got your note, Mr. Castle."

Note. He got-

Castle slips his hand up to cradle the back of Ellery's head, his heart pounding. "So you approach me at a funeral in front of my kid?"

"I apologize, but you have nothing to fear from me."

"I don't want to have this conversation," Castle says, moving to sidestep the man.

Mr. Smith lifts his hand to keep him there. "Give me a moment of your time. You're going to want to hear this."

Castle stares at the man, nearly his height, and then turns back to the funeral. He spots Kate in the distance, talking with Becca and Mary, and he rubs Ellery's back.

"Hey, baby girl. Can you go catch up to Dash and Mommy?"

"No."

He sighs and kisses her cheek, untangles her fingers from his neck. "Cricket, I just need you to run get Mommy." He bends over to let her down, but she clings to him.

"No. Daddy, you promise."

"Baby-"

"You promise you not put me down."

Castle straightens up again, opens his mouth, but there's nothing to say to that. "Okay. You're right."

He turns back to the older gentleman, narrows his eyes at the guy.

"Stay right here."

* * *

Dash bumps into the back of her knee, breathlessly apologizes, and Kate glances down to see him bury a giggle into her thigh. She frowns, confused but glad he's okay, reaches out to snag her fingers in his collar, stroke the back of his neck. He laughs softly, clutching her skirt, and she excuses herself from Becca to turn to him.

"Dash, honey, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry. Ella is making faces at me. I know I'm supposed to be sad but she keeps-"

"Hey, baby, no. You can be happy." Kate cups his cheek as she glances around the cemetery for Castle and Ella. She thought they both were heading for the limo. "Uncle Mo would be glad that you're happy."

"Uncle Mo made me jokes. Like the banana joke."

"He did tell you some great jokes." Kate sighs and nudges Dashiell to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

She feels a wide hand at her back and lifts her head to see Castle and Ellery standing right there. She stands, smiling at Ella, and brushes her nose against her daughter's. "Dash said you were making funny faces. You feeling better, baby girl?"

"Kate," he interrupts, taking her by the arm, his grip practically bruising.

"Castle," she grunts, but lets him turn her around.

"Come with me."

"Dash," she calls back, reaching her hand for him. He comes to her side, skipping a little to keep up and Kate slides her fingers against Castle's waist to gentle him.

Castle jumps violently, and Kate huffs at him, a frown creasing her brow as they come to a stop before an older gentleman, greying hair, expensive suit, shoes shined. Well-presented, a graveness to his face that somehow doesn't reflect the muted grief of the rest of the funeral procession.

Like he's not here for the Montgomerys, not entirely.

"Detective Beckett," he nods.

Castle's fingers tangle with hers and she steps into his side, Dashiell bumping between them. "What's going on?" she asks, her blood running cold at the look on her husband's face.

"I was just offering Mr. Castle a deal."

"No deals," she says, squeezing Castle's hand tighter. The wind plucks at her skirt and swirls cold air around her knees, a shiver starting up her spine. So this is the man who arranged a dead drop at the docks, taunting them with his knowledge.

This is the man.

"You're going to want to hear what I have to say."

She grits her teeth and levels him with a cold look. "We're not interested."

"You haven't heard my offer," the man says.

"I don't need to hear it. This has nothing to do with us anymore." Kate turns to Castle, catches his eye. She hesitates. "But I do know who you _should_ be dealing with."

The man stiffens. "I'm not here-"

"Either you're here to do the right thing or you're not." Kate twists away from them, leaving Castle with the older man while she heads back across the lawn. The brittle crunch of dead grass under her shoes, and its little echo, makes her turn her head.

"You walk too fast, Momma."

Kate presses her mouth together in a smile and holds her hand out for him; Dashiell takes it with a little hop and follows at her side. She goes at a more sedate pace, for him, and finds Agent Mitchell circling the back of the group, ever vigilant.

"Detective?"

"There's a man here who has some information the FBI might like to have. About-" she feels the squeeze of her little man's hand in hers and glances down at Dash, then back to Mitchell, "-about all of this."

"Let's go then," he says quietly.

Kate brings Mitchell over to her husband, introduces him to the older man who looks distinctly uncomfortable now.

"Mr. Smith? Agent Mitchell is up to date on this case and he can inform the FBI of whatever you choose to reveal."

"Detective Beckett-" he starts with a growl.

Castle slides his hand into hers. "I told you - no more secret deals, no more shadows. We're done with it."

Agent Mitchell crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm all ears though."

Much as she despises putting her back to this man, Kate turns for the limo, nudging Dashiell out ahead of her, her hand still tight in Castle's. After a few paces, she hears him let out a shaky breath.

"I didn't know. . ."

"I know," she murmurs.

He shifts Ellery to his hip, briefly letting go of Kate's hand to do it, and then takes it back again, bringing her fingers to his lips to kiss.

"Kate, if you want to go back there and hear him out-"

"No," she chokes, shaking her head. Dashiell has already run on to the car, tugged open the back door. He's crawling inside when she gets her voice back. "No. If he wants to do the right thing, then let him do it. You were right, Rick. Secrets and mystery men and blackmail - not the way to do this."

She doesn't know how else to do this though. Chasing this down has only led to death - but what comes after it?

"Kate. When they need our testimony - when they need the evidence - whatever it is. . .you'll be a part of it. I know that. Just not like this."

She turns her face to him, knowing that he knows how much she needs - resolution. And end to it. This is her end though; this-

Her phone goes off; they both jump, Kate letting out a shaky laugh. She dips her fingers into his jacket pocket, slips out her phone to check the screen.

"It's Jordan," she breathes, answers the call. "Jordan?"

"Kate." Her voice is low, barely there.

"Are you okay?"

"Doing better. Just - hurts to breathe. No big deal."

Kate lets out a strangled laugh, lets Castle guide her into the limo. Dashiell pounces on her, clambers over her lap to get at his sister. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I'm so sorry about your Captain. His wife."

"Jordan," she sighs.

"My condolences aren't nearly enough," Jordan continues. "And I got you nothing."

"Jordan, it's over. It's done-"

"We'll see. This is a federal case-" Jordan's words collapse into a fit of coughing and Kate winces.

"Hey, stop. Don't worry about it. You concentrate on getting better."

"I will see this to the end, Beckett."

Kate swipes at her cheeks, feels Castle crowding close to her as the limo starts. "Jordan, don't let it take over your life," she says quietly.

"I won't. This isn't personal, Beckett. This is about what's right."

"Then. . .you might call Agent Mitchell."

* * *

The front door shuts hollowly after his kids, leaving just the two of them in the quiet loft. She looks sad.

"Hey, let me take you out," he says softly, brushing his fingers through her hair.

Kate turns to him, surprise flickering across her face, a smile like weak winter sunlight.

"Come on, Kate. We'll go out, just the two of us." He draws an arm around her waist, but only holds her loosely. Her father and Kelly took the kids back to their place to stay for the night - apparently Kelly's grandkids came into town as well and wanted playmates - and maybe this is exactly what they needed.

"Okay," Kate says softly, her face too serious. "Take me out."

"A movie? A play? Dinner? Laser tag?"

Her lips smirk. "Save laser tag for when the kids are back."

"Okay. What then?"

"Something quiet." Kate shivers and steps in closer to him. "With people."

"Quiet and with people. Hmm."

"Tall order, I know."

"I'll figure something out."

She smiles back at him, this time a little more convincingly, and he strokes his fingers under her dark sweater, skims her waist to her spine as he watches her eyes respond to his touch.

"I think I know just the thing."

"Can't do that with people, Castle."

"And you can't do that quietly," he laughs darkly, stepping away. "So not that."

* * *

Kate can't help the laugh that bubbles up when their slow stroll through the semi-dark twilight leads them to the corner of Broome and Elizabeth Streets.

"Park Here," she muses, reading the green-stenciled name on the glass window. Through the glass, she can make out a lush, tempting grove - a warm, illuminated oasis in the cold night.

He drapes his arm at her waist. "Pop-up park. Green grass and everything. Tonight is a free screening of _His Girl Friday_."

"Mm, Cary Grant." Kate bites her lip and casts a smile over at him, laces her fingers through his. "I'm impressed. Quiet with people. You did it."

"Told you I would."

"You're just that good," she murmurs, lets him tug her towards the doors.

The white walls reach upwards into an industrial-warehouse ceiling but grow downwards into a massive photo mural of a green, forested landscape. The floors are laid with grass - an artificial turf that feels natural even beneath her converse shoes - and as far as Kate can see there are potted trees, overgrown jungle plants, and park equipment.

Castle leads her through rooms and rooms of pop-up park and finally to the back where the screen has been set up. A handful of people are back here already, laid out on blankets and chatting quietly before the movie starts. The hammocks have all been claimed, but Castle heads for a massive, lime-green bean bag chair in a discrete corner, pulls her down after him.

The angle has her pitched into his body, so she gives up resisting gravity and curls at his chest, hooking her legs over his thigh. He keeps his feet flat on the floor to give them some stability, and she lifts her head to kiss him softly.

"Thank you."

He's smiling back at her, pleased and proud, as the lights dim and fade to nothing, darkness swamping the room. Pinpoints like stars break blink into existence on the deep black of the ceiling, a nightscape for the movie's introduction.

The old film beings to play even as Kate can sense more people shuffling in, filling up the green space, the quiet murmurs of couples and families getting settled around them. Castle wraps his arm tighter around her, his palm heavy and warm at her shoulder blade as his head turns into hers, nuzzling her nose.

She breathes out against his mouth in the darkness, the loud, dueling voices of the two leads onscreen covering Castle's soft grunt. His other hand wraps around her knee, grips her tighter, and his mouth covers hers.

His kiss is intrusive, warm. Intimate. He slides his tongue between her lips and inside, breathing roughly against her cheek, strokes the roof of her mouth. She tightens her arm around his neck, melts into his body as the screen bathes them in grey light.

His fingers stroke the shell of her ear, wander to her neck to tangle in her hair. Their mouths part on a breath, her eyes opening slowly to see his, a hum in her throat.

"You can't be quiet," he murmurs.

"And not in front of people," she adds, sighing. She lays her head back down on his shoulder, her forehead against that rapid pulse in his neck. "Love you, Rick."

His turn to hum and she draws her arms tighter, but the bean bag chair shifts loudly under them. He laughs, someone shushes them, and Kate hides her amusement into his shirt, gripping his sides.

He grunts and laces his fingers through hers. "You too, Kate. Love you too. Just - restrain yourself, woman - you're gonna get us kicked out."

"Wouldn't that be fun."

* * *

**the end**

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you so much to everyone who has embraced the Dash universe, gone along for the ride each and every time, and finally, to those who have just begun it. I plan on writing Dash Companion stories, but this will be the final Epic.


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